I am probably overthinking this, but I’m looking for advice on moving in with my boyfriend and how that will impact my 8-month-old daughter. My ex left me when I was three months pregnant. He was awful to me and wouldn’t put his addictions to rest for the baby or me. Since then, he has not contacted me. He moved out of state, and I have no idea where he is. He had nothing and still has nothing to do with our baby. I got with my current boyfriend when I was about seven months pregnant. He helped me prepare for her. I bought myself anything and everything I needed for her and myself. He took care of me when I was on bed rest. He was there when my daughter was born, and he’s been there ever since. I am skeptical about living with people considering how my last relationship went, but we have decided to find a place together. He sees my daughter frequently when he comes over and when we go see him. What I am concerned with is. Obviously, he is her father figure and has done so much for her, but Idk if I want her calling him “Dad” as she gets older. I am scared to death that one day when I have to explain to her that he’s not her biological father, she will not trust us or feel we lied to h,er. Or if her biological father comes back and wants anything to do with her, she will be so confused why someone else is saying they’re her father. I know this is a long way off. I feel awful that the man that loves my baby just as much as me wants to be dad, but I’m here looking possibly too far into it. Idk what to do about this.
Blood does not make a father.
Don’t complicate it. She won’t be talking for awhile so see where the relationship goes and what she chooses to call him. When she is old enough to understand you explain to her how she has a birth father that had issues but how she has a step dad who loves her as his own. Don’t deny her a father figure if that’s what your boyfriend is ok with.
Be fortunate you have someone who is willing to be there! As for the other dude his loss
Honestly I wasnt told me dad wasnt my biological father till my 16th birthday… it hurt me at first but it really didnt affect me much. Another man stepped up to.raise me and he will always be the person I consider dad…
He is her dad, therefore, she should call him dad. I would’ve put him on the birth certificate if I were you when she was born. Tell her when she gets older that she had a sperm donor, (because he was a sperm donor lol) and that her real dad isn’t related by blood but is still her real dad
I wouldn’t complicate it. There are many blended families. It is good for her to have 2 good present parents.
If he’s acting like her father then I’d never say anything if her biological father isn’t on her birth certificate he has no rights to her if you can prove he hasn’t contacted you since he knew you had the baby you can prove abandonment when she grows up if she never asks questions I wouldn’t bother to open that box if the guy your with is committed and loves her why do you need to say anything? My biological father ran off on my mother when I was born my step dad was all I ever had and considering how screwed up my biological father is Im glad I never knew him growing up
As she get older and understands you can tell her the truth remember a parent is not the he or she who makes the kid but he or she who raises the child but you can tell her the truth he is step dad also she won’t call him dad if you don’t tell her if you say here go with dad or look dad well she will start calling him dad because they go with what you teach them she will not make a word you don’t teach her
I’m shocked that you said you don’t want her to call him dad she is her dad you be honest with her as much as you can for her age my twins DNA creator has nothing to do with them he hasn’t for the past seven or eight years and my twins are 9 my fiance has been with them for the last five years and I am proud that they call him dad but they also know a little bit of their DNA creator
I feel truth is in long run when she’s older getting married etc. Explain as her stage of life can understand she has a father by birth but a dad was there before she was born
My 2 oldest girls bio dad has never been around I met my ex husband when they were both little and he has always been their dad. They know about their bio dad but they also know he wasn’t there and they have a dad who stepped up when he couldn’t.
Kids are simple and understanding. I left the bio dad when my daughter was 2. She has not seen him since. She is 7 now and knows about him. Bit she calls my husband now dad. That’s Dad, dad is the one who takes care of them. Doesn’t matter if the are bio or not.
Same situation. Call your boyfriend daddy. He has proved himself and that’s exactly what a daddy is. Screw the biological father
A parent doesn’t have to be blood a person who is there for them in all the ways that matter
Wait to see if she choses to call him dad. Just because DNA doesn’t match doesn’t mean that’s not her dad
She will call him Daddy, dad, dada, whatever, as she starts out talking, that’s all their little brain knows. As she gets older, and is capable of understanding, you can explain it to her, who he is. She’s not gonna feel betrayed. Maybe confused why her real dad didn’t want her. Confused if he comes back around. But she deserves to have a father figure in her life. My step dad came in my life when I was 5. I haven’t seen my real dad since 7th grade. My step dad IS my dad.
Have her call him daddy “his name” that why when shes old enough to ask why do I call him daddy “his name” you can explain because hes like a father to you but not your biological father that way your not lying to her he is a dad to her but not her only dad and not her bio dad just a option at the end of the day you need to do what you think is best for your baby not what any of us think you should do.
Kids understand things more than you think always be honest about who he is to her if she chooses to call him dad or whatever it may be let her do it on her own. I promise you, you wouldnt think they understand it but they do with time and as long as you are honest and open about the true relations there from the start there will never be any deceit in her eyes. My son has called my now husband daddy since he was about a year old his bio dad has been in his life on and offish for the majority of that time my son knows who each one is but to him they are both dad but he also knows (step) dad is the one who does so much for him. My son is 6 now I have always been open with him about everything
You’re lucky. Not a lot of men step up to a pregnant woman and stay …
If he loves you and baby then awesome!
I used to be the same way, my eldest dad has no contact with her what so ever. My fiancee who met her at 1, has been her dad since then. Weve lived together for 8 yrs now, and we have explained it to her and at some point hell adopt her. It sounds like you found a good one, keep him around. Even if it scares you your child will understand and love that she had a stable dad.
If he’s been there since birth she always looks at him as dad, if you don’t want her calling him dad than a relationship shouldn’t have been formed, you have already allowed him in her life as that role you would be taking more away from him than you would be here by denying it, just let things happen as they may
A sperm donor is not her dad the man that steps up and raises her and loves her as his daughter now that Is a FATHER…look at it like that
dont do it… to many babies and children getting killed by the boyfriends… focus on you and baby
My son’s bio is not in the picture and will not be. My son has known my husband as “daddy” since he was three months old. He’s three now. My husband was there for every single one of his firsts. And he is daddy. We are moving forward with adoption now that we are married. Love is what matters hun. Nothing else. Blood is not thicker than water and I have learned that. To me, blood now means nothing.
I’m in the same spot. If you feel its the right choice then do it. All you can do is b honest and open about it all when they r able too understand. My little girl is now 2 my fiance has been apart of our lives sense she was 9 months old. She calls him daddy and he is by my side 100% for when I decide the time is right too explain that her biological father is nowhere too b found. It is never easy being in that spot and wondering what if. But if you are happy and he accepts her as his then thats more of a father then someone who took off on you before she the child ever got brought into the world.
Just always be honest. When she’s old enough to ask questions, answer truthfully. How do you refer to him now with her? That is what she will call him.
When it comes to your boyfriend, and I do know this from experience, you cannot make him pay or hold him accountable for the sins of another. Your current is not your past, and he shouldn’t be treated as such.
Don’t stress about “What if” and just concern yourself with the now.
I met my husband when my daughter from a previous marriage was 14 months. She does have a relationship with her biological dad. She calls her step dad by his name or dad. We dont push either way…whatever she wants to call him is okay
She can call him dad (might want to get married before that though, only because he’s statistically likely to stick around longer if you’re married and raising a child together). But it’s never too early to discuss this. It’s not even too early to discuss the story of how he became her dad. You can tell her that as a bedtime story. Or you can actually have a book made (there’s a company that makes personalized books). Or you can sit down and make a book with her. Or you can save that for when she’s 2 or 3, and craft a book with the story of how you and he met, and how he met her in your tummy. And compare it to other stories of how some girls’ daddies helped make them and then raise them. And some girls’ mommies and daddies meet them in some other lady’s belly and they just raise them. And some girls meet their daddies when they are 5, or 10. And let her know there is a different man out there who helped to make her. But your man fell in love with her and mommy and picked her ,to be his daughter. That way, she just grows up “always having known” that he was her step father or her adoptive father, and her daddy. You don’t ever actually have to sit down and officially tell her. It’s the easiest way to do it.
Just be honest with her. When she starts asking questions tell her.
I promise you she will thank you in the end for givibn her a daddy that loves and cares for her she will understand as long as you are honest don’t lie to her trust me I have been going the the same thing and mine is now almost 4
Let her call him daddy but also tell her that he is not her biological father. Do this as soon as she can understand. Explain about her farther also but make sure she knows it is not her fault. Don’t down her father just the facts
He will be her dad. Being dad and being a father are two completely different things. Maybe give him a dad named, like my nieces cal their step dad j- daddy. (His name is jason)
I think being there for the past 10 months have proven he deserves a chance at a long term relationship with you and your daughter. Yes, don’t move in with a man you just met, but he has stepped up and been there. I would talk to him about if he wants to be called dad by her. She may not trust you for a little while, but as she grows older she will understand. Explain it to her when she can understand more things, that way she knows about it as she grows older and isn’t blind sighted by it.
Always be honest!!! To dads are better than one￼
Kids need mom and dad bio or not
Let the baby do it for her self dont lie to her
So dont have her call him ‘dad’ its not a huge deal…if u guys wanna take the next step id say go for it. Its normal to be scared.
As you say the guy has been there about 10 months now. She can call him daddy, he’s playing that role anyways n as for the part of moving together you will know I’m your heart when its time to do so
Yes it will impact your baby, make sure you know this man well. A lot of men get with single moms for ulterior motives( their are good guys) they target single moms because they seem vulnerable, easy to control and abuse. Maybe they have anger issues and he could hurt you and your baby. Maybe their pedophiles. Just keep your eyes on your baby at all times and don’t leave him alone with your baby until he proves he is responsible with your baby. If your hesitant to move in with him. Just tells me that you’re not sure of moving in with him.
Never move in with a man unless you have the capabilities of getting your own place… That way (and it will happen). When y’all fight and he throws you and kid out… You will have a place to go… …
Date longer to learn more about him and his family
I was in the same situation you’re in. My daughters sperm donor wouldn’t put drugs down and left when I was 2 months pregnant. I got with her dad when I was 4 months pregnant. Hes been there since that day. Never missed a beat. I was skeptical too, but if hes willing to step up and take care of both of you then let him. Our daughter is almost 2 now and he’s the only daddy she knows. If there comes a day that her donor decides to come around then we’ll cross that bridge when it gets here. Until then, she knows who daddy is. Follow your gut love.
Do not move In before marriage. His relationship with our daughter will
Work itself out later. Without the safeguard of marriage you have nothing . He sounds very committed to you. Living together is where the real confusion as far as status goes.
I had almost the same situation. My daughter’s father wants nothing to do with her, and i met my SO when she was 2 months old. We were long distance, but he moved in with us when she was about 9 months old (we were only together for 7 months at that time). He moved to help support us and be with us. We had only met one time in person before then, and we never wanted to be apart again after that.
Fast forward to now, shes 2 1/2 and has been calling him daddy since she could say the word. Shes a very smart girl and understands way more than she should for her age, so we have started talking to her sometimes about how much daddy loves her and sort of explaining that she has another daddy. It wont do much right now, but we feel that her growing up learning that is better than just dropping a bombshell on her when she is older that hes not her biological dad or her finding out before we can tell her.
Exact. Situation. PM me!!!
Let her call him daddy.
We have a daughter we have had custody of since she was 2 and a half. It’s easy to explain when you start young.
We tell our daughter she is so lucky to have 2 mommies and daddies, and her biological mommy and daddy is working on getting their lives together and maybe some day they will be able to see her
She is now 6 and a half and is so happy. I cant say I have ever seen a happier kid. She still brings up her birth parents and we talk about them and pull out pictures. She has adjusted so well.
Be honest with kids and you would be amazed how open they are
You found a good guy. It won’t be a negative experience for her. And if the bio dad wasnt around, i hope that means hes not on the birth cert. Leaving it as a pretty easy option for current BF to adopt her, if he wanted to.
A dad is someone who steps up to the plate and takes care the the child’s needs , physically and emotionally …it would be a slap in the face to him if the baby says daddy to him and you say no that’s ( insert name ) not daddy …there is a high difference between a dad an a sperm donor .when she is old enough to understand tell her that yes he is dad but not biology.
I’ve never met my biological father. But my mother was always open and honest with me that my “dad” wasn’t actually my true father but since he is the one who raised me and has been there for me he is my dad. I can tell you that the only way your child will feel betrayed is if you lie. So don’t. Tell her the truth and she will grow up to respect the situation.
You want to move in with a man you have been dating for a month? Stupid and putting ur kid at risk
My daughters dad isnt in the picture and hes been around since they were 6 months old and a year old they look at him as daddy and their bio dad by his first name its whoever she feels comfortable with its who raised her that’s her daddy not someone who bailed out before she was even here dont be freaking out if she ever ask just explain to her dont make it a big thing because regardless kids see who’s truly there for them rather then who’s not
Well I’ve been in this situation and it took me a long time to allow my daughter to call my bf dad. We’ve been together three years living together for two. Her bio dad has abandoned her two years ago and my bf has stepped up immensely. He loves her like his own and never has treated her differently. It took me awhile to allow this only because you never know how things will work out you know and didn’t want to hurt her more if she did see him as dad and lose two men in her life. We’ve been living together enough and moved up in our commitment that last Summer she started calling him dad instead of his name. He was happy and ecstatic that she did and I finally allowed it with a little brother on the way and a dad by her side. She definitely has the comfort and security that all kids need with their family. Take some time move in together and see how you all interact first and foremost. Moving in together is a big test to see if you all have what it takes to make it for the long haul. You don,'t want to move in together, and you two not get along and rip her away from him. Take some time and see how you all do first as a couple as a family without putting the pressure on him or yourself. It will come in time but I agree with everyone else who says a real dad is the one that is there day in and day out not the one you make the baby with.
Always be honest, tell her about her bio dad when she is older, explain that this guy raising her isnt her dad but loves her like one, she wont call him dad unless you guys do (ots a learned thing) but dont raise her to think this guy is her dad, thats where is messes them up, just that he loves her like a dad and was always there
Any big change is going to affect a child. However, that man is all your daughter knows, so that should soften the blow of a move.
In my state, if a biological parent has not made an attempt of visitation in a year, their parental rights can be terminated. I know it’s hard, but having a part-time parent in and out of her life would be so painful for her in life. Blood does not make a parent.
By all means, don’t lie to your daughter about her genetics. She’ll know in her heart who loves her, who is there for her, and who her father is.
She dont have to know he is not dad.let him love her it’s all that matter!
A dad is somebody who is there for the child I would not consider the other person her dad
I think that when she gets old enough to ask questions just tell her the truth. Tell her that she is very lucky because your boyfriend choose her. If she ask why doesn’t she look like him tell her why. Don’t let her find out herself. Her dad probably won’t come around anyway.
listen any male can be a father it takes a real man to be a daddy… and you arent keeping her from her dad… he chose to take off… if hes really a good man and you arent looking through rose glasses then do what feels right and deal with the whole “father/sperm donor” thing to her when she is old enough…
A father is a man who steps up to the plate tell your.child when their its easier .
He has already proven that he is father material. From caring for you when you were pregnant to helping with your child. He has 10 months under his belt. Anybody can be a dad, not everyone can be a father. You cant live your life on what could happen, then you will let life pass you by. If her father hasnt shown up by now, he probably wont. Why would you want him to if he is a drug addict? Give your boyfriend a chance. Maybe one day he will be adopting your daughter. Sounds like you found one of the good ones!
You’re thinking way too much about this. My oldest son is not my husband’s biological father. However he has been in our lives since my son was 16 months old. He decided on his own to start calling him dad. He knows that he has a dad that helped mommy make him but calls him by his name. Just be open and honest with your daughter from the get go. Also if you feel like it’s time tp move in with him do it. My husband moved in with me after a month of dating and here were are 7 years later
I wouldn’t trust any new man in my life with my daughter.
There’s nothing wrong with having a real dad (the one that raises you) and a bio dad just always be honest about it and it should be no issue for her
Ur new boyfriend has been there for u and ur baby I say if u love him and u want the relationship to work focus on ur life now it sounds like he loves ur baby the biological dad sounds like a peice of shit for walking away like he did ur baby is 8 months old if ur new boyfriend loves u And ur child move on and b Happy and later when she starts asking questions tell her the truth
I was in the same exact situation. My bf and I moved in together when my daughter was 2. My daughter had already started calling him dad even tho I would correct her to say his name before we moved in together. Not long after living with each other my bf asked her if she rather call him daddy, since then it’s been good. My daughter is almost 9 now, when she was 7 I had a conversation with her about how my bf is her stepfather. I told her because I grew up with a stepfather, and when I was my child’s age, I was able to comprehend this man wasnt my dad bc I had a different name than everyone. My daughter holds no grudge, she doesn’t love my bf less, and she doesn’t randomly question why her bio father isnt around. Do what works best for you, kids adapt well, but imo if you wait too long to speak about it the teenage emotions can make it a bigger issue.
Maybe you should have waited and been alone for a little bit before starting this relationship bc you have a lot of things hanging over your head. I think you should get some therapy. Also I find it strange for you to be involved with someone so quickly but that’s something for therapy as well.
I was 7 when my not real dad married my mom and adopted me and my sister and raised us as his own daughters to thos day he loves us and pir children as his own. Be honest and open with her from the start that way she doesn’t feel lied to or deceived and let her own I to him and love him despite he didn’t conceive your baby
She can call him dad and still know she has a biological father. He’s the one raising her. He gets the title. I would file for abandonment on her fathers part.