Regardless of what he’s done he’s gone now and will never hurt her again and his children have the right to his remains. It’s not about him or your sister it’s about the kids in the end.
I don’t understand, why would she need to pay for his remains? The cremation was completed. Doesn’t make sense.
Personally I would careless about his remains. I don’t think it’s important at especially if the person didn’t make a significant impact to the famy🤷‍♀️. My mom means a lot to me but doesn’t mean I wanna hold her remains with me. I’ll be fine with the memories we had and shared.
There might be local places that could possibly help rais enough money to receive what’s left of him
They legally can’t keep cremated remains whether payment can be made or not. A simple phone call would confirm.
There is probably a state agency that would cover the cost for the family.
Is there a fee waiver she can get
My father passed when I was a child. I loved him but I do not think I’d want his ashes. I prefer to feel that my dad is all around me and not ashes in a jar.
Those kids should be getting social security! And they give a small amount towards funeral expenses.
As someone who never met my birth father…I’m actually super thankful I have his ashes! I didn’t know him and he died when I was 4, but he’s still a part of who I am! I say if you can find the means to do it then do it for the kids! They may appreciate it later in life!
Imo it could be karma… my mom was a terrible person. Her memorial was mostly strangers, and her remains are in the loft of my garage. I’m the youngest child, and the only one that would take her.
I don’t personally think the children will be affected by not having remains. Later, they can always buy a plot and put a stone there if they want to.
I got my uncles for 250 through a special program they had. Maybe inquire about help
I have had multiple partners with abusive fathers who have since passed. Even tho there is hurt and resentment. It shifted towards thier step mom for mishandling/keeping the remains for themselves. Even with the person gone, having remains is a very important part of healing/closure.
They have expressed repeatedly they wish they could visit him. But there is no where to visit. Nothing was buried or erected in memory. It’s a sense of emptiness that can never really be filled.
If y’all think it’s best for the kids to get the remains, then please do a fundraiser or contact agencies that help with this kind of expense.
Call the company and see if they’ll work with y’all in any way shape or form. Do everything you guys can to get the remains for the kids. I mean ya they’ll be ok without them, but c’mon… we all know we all deserve a chance to have our parents ashes if that is a choice we can control. They deserve to say yes I want them or no let’s get rid of them.
Have you contacted your local county health department for help? They should be able find some funds. If he had some insurance they might help. Most insurance covers that sort of thing
Try a gofundme account? I would be heart broken.
The kids will be fine. Not everyone visits the graves of their families
I mean they’ve kept him two years already, I would inquire about a payment plan and look into programs that might help since it’s for the kids, maybe child services etc.
The children have a right to their fathers remains as the next of kin, it shouldn’t be decided for them until they are adults to decide what to do with his remains.
They should have some type of indigency assistance through the county. We did that to help with the cremation for 3 of my family members. I would contact the local courthouse.
Do the kids even know him? I mean if you think the kids would want them later then yes try and get them but honestly some people deserve to just sit unwanted it is for sure karma
I’m in Michigan and children can draw 50% of what their parent would have drawn at that age
Can you make payments?
Maybe see if instead of an urn they could just have the ashes made into a piece of jewelry for the kids? Maybe a go fund me to help?
If he was abusive he isn’t worth it paying to have the ashes. Spend that money on something for the kids.
I’ve never heard of a crematorium proceed with cremation before payment.
I would never want remains for a man who abused me. To bring him back into my home no thanks 
the kids will be okay.
I think they will be fine, especially if he wasn’t very good to their mom or a good father to them. Let his ass go to the community dump with all the other unclaimed unwanted souls. I say it’s def his karma. Just my opinion tho. I mean to get the basic cremation is pretty cheap like a couple hundred$ if she really wanted him she could make it happen. Maybe she really don’t want him?
His remains/soul deserve peace. Help him grow past this life time so the children don’t experience his karma. It’s probably the smartest thing you can do for the all party’s. No matter how many bad things he did in this life time, they maybe karmic debts he had to pay prior to previous life times. He was still a human and has a spirit.
Yeah my Mom just died and her pos husband left her at the coroner’s office to rot, they finally found a way to get ahold of me after 4 days, and long story short I’m $5000 in debt now because of it. I have a disabled 5 year old little girl and we were struggling to survive before all this. I did a GoFundMe and raised a little over $500 which I’m grateful for, but my family has money and not a single one of them give a shit. I’m going to have to sell my vehicle to pay everything off.
My sons father was an absolute bastard, but his remains hang around our necks and his urn is upstairs in our kitchen…one day they might want them. I was say get them and let her know you have them and that she can decide when and if she wants them. I wish we’d have thought to get his stuff from his apartment but it’s too late now. Also let her know she can apply for survivors benefits through the social security administration for both the kids. It has helped since my baby daddy died.
Oh noo way!! F that and F him! My kids’ POS was so evil I’d be afraid of some very bad luck coming… I broke a mirror before meeting him and told him HE was my bad luck for that and I paid my dues
Came to her senses? She was abused. So she was grieving a lot more than the loss of a man who didn’t respect her. She didn’t “come to her senses” by changing her mind. It’s no more correct a choice than it would have been to leave him to rot.
shes a single mom only working part time? how does she afford rent? electric? food? etc?
as a single mother i work full time and pay all my stuff amd still have money left over, i wouldnt definitely start looking for another job for 1 and trying to get the ashes not for me, but for my children cause no matter what, thats still there dad!
Where are his siblings and parents? Where l come from, death and burial are a family affair.
I got my daughter’s Ashes, but we donated her to research and ours were a write off for the Crematory.
Because she was 4 1/2 hours old when she passed
The children are going to be just fine. You don’t have any money, so every penny, is for your children.
She should go to Social Security and start getting benefits . Contact Legal Aid Society, they offer help on a sliding fee basis.
If she was listed as next of kin Her ashes should be released to her for free
(But I’m in Australia)
Any chance you can rather have his remains barried? That way the kids can still have a spot to go see him if they wish when they are older
Indigent burial is a thing in the US, not sure where you’re at. But an abuser is an abuser and I wouldn’t waste a single dime on him. See if you can apply for that program through your local county social services office and wash your hands of it. The grave would be marked if the kids ever felt the need to visit it later in life.
Maybe you could take out a small loan?
He created the situation that he was in this situation is another part of the process you own none of it nor do your children. Let his kin wherever they are foot the bill if they want him. You live and look after your children.
The kids aren’t going to care
They’ll barely remember him as is, hopefully not for the abusive monster he was towards their mother
Even though this man was abusive, at the end of the day, he was still those kids’ dad. Holding grudges does no good for anyone. Those kids may want his ashes when their older. I suggest maybe making a GoFundMe for financial help with making pendents for the children to wear with their father’s ashes in them. Or contact Social Security.
Please Please Please, take my advice. I know, because I’ve been there!!! Don’t take advice from anyone who hasn’t been in these shoes. My ex husband may have been terrible to me, & Abusive, but the kids loved their daddy, even remembering the bad things he done, They STILL LOVED HIM. No matter how terrible he was at times. Your sisters kids will grow up and want to have that decision for themselves!!! If the mother doesn’t give them that decision, (on if they want to see his resting place or have something done with his ashes) that may make them hurt with her that she didn’t get his remains and at least give them the option to have a piece of him or have a place to go visit him.
My kids feel a sense of release being able to go talk at their daddy’s grave. Things they never got to say or feel like they want him to know that he hasn’t been here to see.
I’m a Christian and by the grace of God have been able to forgive him. I’m so thankful God has gave me peace. I pray she will be able to find a way to be able to afford to do this for her children. If there is any links on helping with funding, send me the details. God bless you all!
No way would I be paying for my abusers ashes. Fuck that. Where’s his family? Friends? If no one is willing to collect him that says a lot tbh
I understand why your sister wouldn’t have wanted the ashes to begin with. I wouldn’t have wanted them either. With that being said, it could one day be important to the children that they have them. I understand simply not being able to afford it, but if you and your sister could find a way, I think it would be a good idea to get his remains so that if one day the children do want them, they’ll have that option.
Leave him. Leave him as a memory better off forgotten.
Not gonna lie, they’ll be fine. If he was in a casket & buried wouldn’t they cope just fine without carrying him around?
By the time they are adults they won’t remember him or care. If they are taught when a person dies their body is not any more important than an empty nut shell but his spirit moved onto where he deserved to be (nice way of saying he can be in hell).
Coming from someone who has an abusive baby dad… She’s better than me because I would have peed in it and scattered it in the same place he broke my rib while I was pregnant lol 
I have no real advice, that’s what I’d tell her to do 
Maybe they would take payments.
Contact the place that has his ashes and ask if you can make monthly payments. At this point they aren’t getting anything, so they may be willing to work with you.
Is it possible they were talking about his “cremains” which would be the term for the ashes after a cremation. You don’t pick up remains, the body is either buried or cremated. Im thinking they called for someone to pick up the ashes.
Here it’s illegal for the funeral home to keep his remains and the government will actually give you $2500 to pay to be cremated. The only thing is the urn is never paid for by the goverment
Leave them, if they asked the crem spread them
She can go to
Social security and get 250$ towards getting his remains and she can also file with department of social services for cremation costs. I did it for my father (the cremation cost)
And for my child’s father I got the one time 250$ plus survivor benefits every month until my daughter finishes school. They will pay the kids since the day he died and so on til they graduate. She can put in a fund away for them thru them or have her as the co handler and they’ll send her a card and $ will be dispersed every month for both kids … the amount will depend on how much he worked and out into social security when he did and then they pay that to his kids.
Goodluck
I’d get them. Although he may have been an abusive husband partner whatever he may not have been to his children and they are a half of him and they’ll at least be able to choose what to do with him when they’re older.
Prayers for the whole family. 
I am stunned who is charging and how much? If he was cremated on the government dime Should be free
Does where he is have a rose garden that you could scatter his ashes on
Or could his family be told that no one has picked him up don t think its up to you to fit the whole bill alone
They should take payments but its up to you.
I would get his remains and either put up somewhere or lay his ashes to rest , either way if you choose to get him when those kids are older it’s up to them what should be done - its still their no matter what , let them know the good and the bad about him , so they too can have closer too
Check with the local township bothcounties if different for hospital and where he lived and the local medicaid office. They often can help with this. It isn’t generally advertised.
Funeral homes will usually take payments however small.
The kids will be fine and your sister will be better off not having to continue to babysit him in another form
Can they set up a payment plan?
Just bc he or somebody was shitty in life, doesn’t mean they get to be treated the same way in death.
Have respect for the dead, get the ashes and hold on to them until the kids are old enough to decide what to do with it; since that is their father, they’re gonna ask questions about him.
The mom needs to get the remains.
My two oldest’s father passed away when they were small, something like 3 and 4 years old, and because him and I were separated there was a lot of bad blood between me and his mom. We never got any of his ashes. It used to really bother me but I feel like I have bigger things in life to focus my energy on. As of right now the children are “okay”, they’re 7 and 8, but I’m sure in the upcoming years they may have feelings about it. At which point I will tell them the gory details and point them in the direction of their grandmother.
My father died when i was 11. His remains are in a cemetery I rarely get to. Yes the kids would be fine without the remains. Payment plan or help from local organizations? Maybe they could help with costs.
The burial and/or cremation ashes being kept are only to ease the pain of the living. IF you feel it’s going to upset the kids because you don’t have his remains, then it’s better to go get them and do it rather than not doing it and regretting it later. However, your kids will not (or should not) hold this against you, they love you and know your doing the best you can. I would almost bet they will understand either way. Good luck
My dad is buried I don’t carry his remains around I think the kids are fine
The kids will be absolutely fine without his remains, I would however be telling them (when they’re older) that she busted her arse to pay for his cremation, picked up and scattered his ashes in a heartwarming ceremony with you.
I would advise the home to discard his remains and wouldn’t give it another thought, just as his family obviously haven’t.
If she thinks the children will be upset by this and she still can’t afford to go get him, maybe make a small grave in the back garden or something and they can put stuff they remember of him in a box and bury that and they can visit it whenever they like and when mum is eventually able to afford the remains then that can go with it. I understand domestic relationships are disgusting and she doesn’t really need that energy around any longer but if the children have no resentment or memory of it then it’s still their father unfortunately. Let the children do something in memory of him, your sister doesn’t have to take part x
Absolutely, the children will be just fine without them.
personal, if she was abused by this man, & the kids saw this, I would leave his ashes there. And a little FYI, if she lives in the USA she can claim his SS for the kids. And get it until they are 18. It might not be much, but it is something
The kids will be fine. I wouldn’t get him.
Uhm I’d get him and keep some ashes for the kids the spread the rest. Adult issues don’t have anything to do with the fact those kids saw him as their father… So I personally think that’s their choice to make when older if they want some ashes. So as I said I’d keep a small urn and spread the rest
Wait… what? Hes been dead for 2 years and his remains are just sitting around somewhere?
Everyone deserves a burial of some sort.
If the kids didn’t know him that way, she shouldn’t keep him from them because of she and his relationship.
Yes, they will be ok without his remains.
No she needs to get his remains! The kids will get his social security money until they are 18
You don’t need a fancy urn if that helps. Just get the cremains in a can or box. Check with local churches, especially ones any of you have attended and charities to see if they could help out. Also ask work acquaintances and others outside your friend circle to post a go fund me to reach people with more disposable income and who don’t know the guy’s history of abuse. Good luck.
“came to her senses” sorry if I was abused by a man and he died his remains can sit and rot for all I would care.
How much does it cost to pick up ones ashes?? 
Curious …
Nah fuc* that, let him r0t alone and unwanted. That’s all he deserves 
Man do what you have to do! Those kids have Been ok up to this point!!!
She did not “come to her senses” she didn’t want the remains of a man who beat her. Wtf??? Also, the kids will be fine.
The city will eventualy cremate him they have to make sure knowone in the family will object and enough time went by stop giving her a guilt trip it’s cruel this is actually his fault with know insurance for this funeral homes really overpriced there services that you can’t give anyone a decent burial It’s sad they are such money hungry funeral homes
I think that’s up to them to decide when they’re older. some how some way even if it hurts her that’s her, the kids are their own person and that should be for them to decide. I understand money is a big issue here but putting that aside I still think itt should be for them to figure out later in life.
We don’t have to revenge in life, start up a gofund me and we will donate. His chapter is over what remains is his body and his soul is not there.
My father was cremated and his remains buried. My mother did that because he wanted that. I never would have wanted his ashes. We did not get along since he favored my brother and was very racist and homophobic.
Really, the kids will never know the remains were offered to her. I personally never wanted any ashes, my moms or dad’s. She might spend a lot of money to find out they don’t want them in the end anyway, I mean what are they going to do with them.
“Came to her senses”???
“I tried helping”!!!
Maybe leave it alone for your sister to decide what’s best for her and kids.
Maybe leave your sister alone to, if supporting her, means throwing this man who abused her in her face even after gone and claiming “came to her senses”, seems it’s you who need to come to yours!!!
Here in MO almost 2000.00 to get just cremated
I’m sorry if he was abusive than she should not go get his remains if she doesn’t want to
I was in an abusive relationship for a long time before I got the courage to finally leave and I since been told he has bone cancer…call me cold hearted but idgaf …that man was horrible to me and my kids and never apologized and still blames me fir the break up…he can rot as far as I’m concercerned…karma came a calling…sorry not sorry
I would say it depends on the relationship he had with the kids has nothing to do with what she went through but I would say it would be hurtful if the kids was close to him and he still was a good father.
I wouldn’t want them either if there was domestic violence.
$700 is better served helping with the children. His soul is where ever God sent him and the state or whoever can keep his ashes. Don’t dwell on who he was. Be grateful for your children. They will fill your life with joy despite the hardships. Children will endure with lots of love from the people around them.
I wouldn’t think anybody be too bothered bout his remains,