Yea ummm… you want something from him but aren’t willing to comprise? What he’s asking making sense. He can give up all rights (name etc) and stop paying or continue to pay and see her. It seems like you’re being the unreasonable one here. The court will definitely give home visitation and changing her name will become a lot more difficult.
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The short answer is yes, a judge would grant visitation. It will likely be a graduated parenting plan starting with supervised visits at a visitation center for a period of time. Visitation would then likely be moved to non supervised with no overnights. Eventually, he could be granted overnight visitation. I strongly urge you to retain a very experienced attorney to advise you
A parent has a right to have a relationship with their child , true he has been absent for a few years and I dont know the reasons why but he has a right for visitation. Child support and visitation are 2 totally different issues, a parent cant be denied visitation for non support. As long as he hasn’t done anything morally wrong you cant block visitation .
You can’t have it both ways you either want him all the way out of your daughter’s life which if I was you I would pick that and ask him to sign his parental rights over( terminate parental rights) at the same time have a name change so that she has your last name and take bio dad off of Child Support all at once or he pays child support doesn’t Grant name change and gets visitation🤷♀️
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If he pays he gets to visit ,thats just the way the law works !
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two separate issues. He has the right. however you must ask the court to help, visitation since you don’t know his lifestyle
So you want to change her name and have her believe your husband is her father but continue to take her real father money and not allow him to see her? That’s messed up. Yes a judge will most likely grant visitation started as supervised then go to unsupervised. Stop lieing to your daughter.
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Hard to tell. The only reason seems to involve money.you will have to decide whether you want the support or the relationship. You may not have the choice. If he pays support, he has every right to know his daughter. I’m going to say something and this is no way a judgement on you or anyone else. I’m 85. Growing up, having a kid without marriage was very hard on those “mistakes” so the kid lived a lie or put up for adoption. Since the sexual revolution, pregnancies were more often and kids were part of a larger family or group. I’m glad for that but we are stuck in a time warp now. It is not that uncommon to have assorted kids. His, her, ours, theirs ad nauseum. The family unit was a stabilizing source but the old model of man as leader, women as custodians and kids as prizes. The new family model has to take in how it affects the kids. When the family gets along, it is good for the kids. And family can include friends and neighbors. Anyone who acts to the kids benefit. The only reason to be a unit is because of “rights” without bebll
Depwnds on the judge. Depends on the state. Some judges will say yea… Sign ur rights over. But u still gotta pay child support.
Yes they will and you do not allowed a parent to see their child a child has the right to know their other parent. Sounds more like you just want the money from the father and for him not to have rights to his child. God I hope your child doesn’t grow up like you nasty and bitter
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Benefitting the child,is contributing the discord and upset kids who model the behavior. No kid should ever be the “PRIZE”
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You cant have your cake and eat it to. If he is going to pay he has rights.
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If you want your child to have your last name then give up child support let real dad sin rights over so she can have your married name but you can’t have it your way an still take this man’s money not to be a dick but you are just wanting the money when this lil girl can have your married name also husband as her father.
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Its hard to say, but problay not. Hes not a father, hes not been there, some and women just dont get it, a father who is there everyday not when he wants too, a dad takes care of his daughter everyday.
You need to tell your daughter the truth and you should not accept child support. If your husband is going to be her “father” you don’t need to take money from the biological father. Your daughter needs to know the truth. It will eventually come out and she will not take the fact that you lied to her very well.
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Honestly a judge wouldn’t grant visitation rights to someone who hasn’t made an effort in the past. The judge would see it as creating unnecessary mental instability in the child’s life.
Why don’t you just have your new husband adopt her? That’s the trend now . . . .
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if he pays for the child support,i think he has a right to see the child regardless of how long he spent absent.What is he paying for then💁💁I think if you didn’t like this,you shouldn’t have brought him back into your lives.idk
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Child support and visitation are two separately completely different issues. It doesn’t always go hand in hand. He has a financial obligation to help his biological daughter have a comfortable lifestyle. My son’s bio father has never met him, he’s 10 years old. He pAyS cHiLd SuPpOrT. A whole $11 a month. Him paying child support does not entitle him to see my son if he decides he wants to step up to the plate NOW. After a year, it is considered child abandonment. I would seriously be questioning his motives, I would not let your daughter see him without supervision, or at the very least, a court order stating when she leaves and when she returns. You can get the name change without his permission, just explain your reasoning why. Have you thought about having your husband adopt her?
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If you want him to financially support the child he should be able to physically see the child. If you don’t feel he is worthy of your child’s presence then neither should his money.
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It all depends on the situation but nowadays the judge gives visitation rights to legal father if he’s paying child support and he can prove it but there’s some judges then after so many years not being in her life will not care fits atation rights all up to the judge good luck
You want the best of both worlds wow. Your daughter is eight she needs to know the truth. Don’t be bitter about the past and what happened with the baby daddy. Your daughter needs to know
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I’m guessing the court appoint a guardian at litem will decide what’s in the best interest of the child. Kind of luck of the draw oh, it would help if you had her with a therapist or mental health professional who agreed that it was not in her best interest to see her father. If anything he would get short visits but not overnight because she does not have that relationship. I’m guessing he’s bluffing cuz he doesn’t want to pay child support and thinks he has you over a barrel
If he’s not involved is it possible to discuss your husband adopting her and that would mean support stops but it may be better for everyone involved. Mediation may be the way forward rather than him going to court.
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U cant gave it both ways. You dont want him involved he doesn’t want to be involved you dont get the money. If you want the money then you want him to be a parent n he has the right to see her 
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Shouldnt. But possibly will.
Your wanting him to pay but not allowed to see her? If he’s paying then he should have the right to see even tho he’s been absent. Who’s to say they won’t start a great friendship
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Put your own feelings aside and let her see her father. It’s not about you, it’s about your daughter.
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Drop the child support. It’s not worth it all.
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Most likely they will. I’d let him keep his money. Your daughter will have a more stable life.
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Well you can’t have your cake and eat it too.
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Yes he will most likely get visitation rights, could be supervised at first. It makes him an ass that he has had nothing to do with her all this time but it doesn’t make him an unfit parent unless you have proof of stuff.
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Yes a judge will grant supervised visits
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I would be ditching the child support and asking him to sign over his parental rights and getting your husband to adopt your daughter.
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My situation was similar with my daughter’s father, although she always had my name.
He took off the 1st time when was just a few months old and then again at 3.
In the state I live in children on Medicaid must recognize child support if the parents aren’t residing in the same home so the state would attempt to serve him every couple of years. They succeeded when she was 14. The judge ordered 4 years of back child support (they couldn’t go back further) and full termination of his rights based on his abandonment of our daughter. He paid every dime and still hasn’t spoken to or seen her and she is 20 as if last weekend.
Ultimately it will depend on the laws where you live and the judge.
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Does she know your know husband is not the bio. If not she has the right to know him . I’ve adopted 4 girls even though there bio didn’t raise them that is still ther bio . She will one day seek him out. Be truthful with her and when you fill she old enough to understand please tell her . Trust me she will find our.
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I don’t think it works that way. He’s the father, he has rights and he’s paying child support.
You are bending it to your will but you wont let her BIO dad have any relationship with her? That’s not how it works…
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Where i live, if a parent gives up or has his parental rights revoked, the child support will stop because you are basically saying you want him to stay out of the child’s life but want him to pay for the child…it doesn’t work like that. But there will be a day when that child asks about her bio parent and by all means tell her the truth then leave it up to her if she wants to see him.
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Yes, unless he fails a drug test or has been convicted of harming a child. My step sons mother was just granted joint custody after having no contact with him from age 1-12!! The judge will order visitation
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Even though visitation doesn’t have anything to do with child support, he he actually wants to have a relationship with his child and will go to the trouble to take you to court, then maybe it’s for the best to start him off slow. Even if he signed over custody, he could still pay child support in some cases. I wouldn’t bother with the name change unless down the road your man decides to adopt her then the bio father wouldn’t be responsible for child support and you can change both of your last names.
First of all…tell your lawyer that he is bribing you by telling you he will only sign papers if he stops paying you.
It’s clearly all about money for him. They won’t like that.
I’d also drop the child support anyway honestly. I have the same situation except my son is only 7. His bio dad bailed before he was a year old.
I filed for withdrawal from MEP (child support) when my son was around 5. I wasn’t receiving any money anyway…but his debt kept growing and at some point they’d get money from him…and neither I nor my husband found it right to take money from a stranger for our child. Just because he’s the bio dad, doesn’t mean anything. If they aren’t going to put in the time, and your husband is…I wouldn’t take any other money.
we are currently pursuing a legal adoption where my ex will consent to adoption and my husband will adopt my son!
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I would drop the child support.
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I was totally against keeping a Child from their father because I wasn’t going to be that woman so instead my daughter’s father has bounced in-and-out of her life it has really really messed her up don’t let him bounce in-and-out it is my biggest regret out of everything ive ever done. Shes 17 and has huge abandonment issues. No matter what I do to tell her how amazing she is she thinks it’s her fault he wont stay in her life. Especially since he adopted someone else’s kids!
they would be supervised but yes they would be granted… you cant have your cake and eat it too … you want him to be a dad and support her… then hes got the right to see her…
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We dropped child support once the bio showed up to the court for the adoption process .
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We didnt want to deal with him in anyway anymore . He wasnt the father figure or around so we didn’t need or want his money .
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Listen honey if you can’t have it both ways if you’re not going to allow him to see and the other father is willing to take over wants to adopt then he shouldn’t have to pay support come on now you’re just being greedy sounds to me like you want to make all the rules if you’re going to continue to make him pay support he has rights to and if he has no abusive charges against him there is not much you really could do in a court of law they will allow him probably supervised visits at least so if you don’t want her in his life or him and her life then you got to let go completely of the cash flow
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Yes. The judge will give him visitation rights. I worked in benefits law for 20 years and am divorced myself. The judge will want to give the biological parent another chance. If you can make it without the $ then take his signature and run. However when the child is grown and finds out there could be repercussions you must be ready to deal with it. Visitation is not dependent upon child support. Is not quid pro quo.
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My son WANTS ro be in his daughters life. But the mother refuses.
I don’t blame her one bit. The child is 8 yrs old now, has grown up with other msn taking on the responsibility that her dad have been doing. Y’all don’t think this will confuse this child. I would tell the bio dad that if he would give up his parental rights that he would no longer have to pay child support and see if he’ll jump on that one. I’m sort but I’m behind the mother on this one.
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So you want his money but don’t want anything to do with him?? Yup sounds like he’s made mistakes… sounds like you did too… so maybe if he wants to see his kid you should let him… maybe he changed too…cuz it sounds like you have.
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You should have filed abandonment
Give up that child support and have him sign the papers. The money is not worth the emotional roller coaster on you or your daughter.
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From the sounds of it, your husband should adopt that beautiful girl. He obviously loves her, and treats her well. After 7 years, I highly doubt a judge is going to allow that to happen, but every state is different. I know in Iowa, Child Support & Visitations don’t go hand in hand. Good luck honey!
Money is important to you too huh? Sounds like both you and him need to get a few priorities straightened out. He’s her dad you should have filed abandonment after the year or whatever it is in your state. I feel bad for this child and good luck.
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Give the Man another chance, people change, life makes you realize a lot the older you get.
Honesty is the only way through this.
Say she finds out when she gets older she may resent you for this.
My fiancée son thought his dad was 2 different men before meeting his biological dad and the poor kid has so many issues from this.
We fought for years to get him & now he has a loving step dad in the picture AND his biological dad. It’s a win for the kid, more people to love them and be there for them.
I grew up without seeing my father or even knowing who my father was I can tell you as a female this is taking a toll on my mental and emotional health. Allow her the freedom to make her own decision if you raised her right she won’t have a hard time seeing through any lies the older she gets.
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He’ll be allowed visitation.
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Just depends on judge, but more than likely he will be granted visitation. They are very pro dads seeing their kids.
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Give up the child support if you dont want him seeing her. If hes willing to sign the papers. Let your husband adopt her . Dont let him walk out on her again. Itll hurt her more then it did before cause now shes 8.
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Yeah probably they do anything now a days. & therapy while they’re at it. Smh I’m sorry you’re having to go through this.
Give him supervised visits and see how that goes then If he actually shows up which I highly doubt he will based off of the last 8 years of not showing up you won’t really have to worry about much. Every parent is financially obligated to take care of their children so he should continue to pay. His mistakes are not his child’s and regardless that child deserves a good life and the least he can do is financially contribute. If he decides to man up and show up then it should be because he wants a relationship with his child not based off is some crap ultimatum. Excuse my angry ramble.
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Talk to your hubby and see if he would like to adopt her. If he would let the bio off for child support you won’t have to deal with him again and it’s eadier for your hubby to adopt her. Just don’t tell the bio that or he might get difficult just agree to no more child support if he give up his rights
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So you want to still collect money but not allow visitation? Either you sign off the child support or be ready to share your childs time
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You can’t have your cake and eat it too. You want child support, you have to allow visitation.
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You accept child support but upset he wants to see her? I am confused by this mess. This post is missing a lot of info. Drop child support.
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yes he will get visitation worse men have gotten more than visits . and quite frankly u sound petty. u want his money but dont wanna let him near ur kid . ya cant have it both ways.
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This has always baffled me… Why would any woman want a man’s money to help support a child he doesn’t want but she can’t live without?
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I would not risk it with a judge deciding. I would forget the child support and allow him to drop the child support… get it all legal.
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So you want your husband to be like her father, but you want your ex to still support her? And your ex too still pay but not see her? Either drop the support and be completely done with him. Or let him have a relationship with his daughter. Maybe he has changed. But a judge will most likely give him some kind of visitation. Because, he is still the father. Even years later and he still does have rights. Because after 8 years no contact, you didn’t take abandonment to court and still continued to take his money for her that he obviously kept paying. So either drop chils support, or confuse the fuck out of your 8 year old and explain that she has a biological dad that she hasn’t seen and doesn’t know but now has to see and get to know. And share your time with.
He will get visitation.
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I get the child support, he should help pay for his child. He chose not to see his child all these years so the child support isn’t he issue. Also he can’t use it against it…drop it or I won’t sign the papers. He’s just being childish at that stage. The judge since you never claimed abandonment in court for all the years he’s been gone, will give him a chance to be a father. Maybe he’s ready and wasn’t before, and that’s what the judge will see. My ex wasn’t in my son’s life for 13 years, child support kicked in (due to state) and then he wanted to play daddy. That lasted a year. If your husband is wanting to adopt your daughter, that’s a different ball game all together. Both parental father figures would have to be willing, and thr bio dad would have to be willing to basically teminate rights so she can be adopted. Once the adoption is finalized the bio dad is relinquished from paying any more child support. So what is more important to you? The money from bio or changing your daughters name? The bio dad has a right to his daughter, and honestly, she has the right to get to know him. My situation is different, but some days I wish my ex wasn’t like he is and my daughter could have had a relationship with him. She asks about him here and there and it breaks my heart. You have a bio dad who wants to try for whatever reason…my daughter has a drug addicted alcoholic abusive (he didn’t used to be this way, it’s what he’s become) who wants to keep his lifestyle vs having his dsughter around…think about everyone involved and what’s best for your daughter. Tell her the truth.
No. After 2 years of no visits or calls it’s abandonment
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He is allowed visit even without paying support. More so if he pays.
I heard even if u sign ur rights away u still might have to pay child support
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Yep and he’ll say he’s growed up.judge gave visitation to ex when he was I. Jail for assualt.does it so you’ll drop support. Mine didn’t pay so beat the shit out of him never came back do not recommend.years ago.have to decide support or adoption.
Well when you decide to open that can of worms. You never know what your going to get. He is still her father an if you didnt want that for her name you should of thought about that then. You dont get your cake an eat it too. Let you husband adopt her then he wont have to pay support
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Okay if she thinks ur husband now is her bio dad, then stop taking child support from someone who has not been there, and move on!
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Would he be willing to sign over his parental rights? Your husband could adopt her, and her last name could match yours, and bio dad wouldn’t have to pay child support.
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I think if he’s not the father and isn’t going to have visitation, then he is not legally responsible for child support. If he legally adopted her, then he has the responsibility of paying child support and the right of visitation whether he shows up or not. You don’t get your cake and eat it, too.
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Drop child support. If your husband is adopting her then he shouldn’t pay support
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I’m sorry to say you are really stupid for telling ur daughter a next man is her father u are the only one that gonna regret this when ur daughter grow up and find out and turn around and hate u … Let the real dad see her from now if he is paying stop being a secretive golddigging idiot
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Yeah court will grant him visitation rights as he is her biological father. She is 8 years old so shes at the age of being able to understand things let her get to know her real dad and if he walks away again at least then you can hold your head high and say you tried and also she wont resent you for lying to her as she will find out when shes older and learns the truth
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Imo, if you’re changing her name, and I’m assuming hubby is adopting, then you don’t need the child support. I thin he’s well within his rights to make that request.
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If u dont want him part of her life, then why would u take his money??? The child has a right to know her bio dad…its a shitty thing he did walking away, but if he wants to step up, let him. That’s her father. That man is HALF of her dna. She is part his. I’m pretty sure a judge will allow visitation rights, since he pays CS and that’s his kid. Regardless on how you feel. But, if he is willing to drop all his rights as a parent, and sign those papers, you should be ok with not getting any money from him going forward. Cant have it both ways.
HELL NO! That is a stranger!!! Not a father. There is no such thing as an absent father. Just a stranger and a father . Why would you ever feel it is safe to have your kid be with a stranger is the real question ???
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ARE YOU SERIOUS? You wont let him see her …you want him to sign away his rights to her BUT YOU STILL WANT TO COLLECT MONEY FROM HIM WHEN HER STEP FATHER IS ALREADY TAKING CARE OF THAT.
NO.
Why not give him a chance …people grow & change. Its not about YOU … BUT about your daughter and she deserves to know her father if he wants to be part of her life. But it doesnt work that way…you dont get to cut your kid off from the other parent…remarry and still collect from the father you cut off. Sorry but not sorry. Its just not right. And frankly I don’t blame him for saying no
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He will get visitation. I would drop support, have him sign over his rights, and then have your husband adopt her.
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Why do you want his child support? I mean it would be different if she didn’t have a dad supporting her but she does. You may have missed an opportunity to be rid of him and made matters worse in the process
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Yes courts will allow visitation. Especially if you expect child support.
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Sounds like it’s one of the other if you want the new man to be the dad then he needs to be dad 100% including support . But legally unless the ex signs papers he will always have parental rights so if something happens to you the courts will most likely give him your child if he is attempting in the slightest way to see his child. If I were you I would take the easy route and forget the child support and let the new man adopt.
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A judge will def grant visitation. You need to decide what’s best. Even though the dad has missed 7 years, would it be beneficial at all for your child to get to know her biological dad? Does he even REALLY want anything to do with her or was he just saying that to be a dick and mess with you? I guess it all depends on his intentions. If he actually wants to be in your child’s life, you should let him. If you know that he has no intentions on being in her life or trying to be a father, then drop the child support and be done with him forever. You need to figure out what this guys intentions are, period.
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Tell your kid the truth a drop child support you have prob kept the kid from him and fucked his life on child support over spite .
Yes depending on Judge you have to prove abandonment and several other things you better have a good lawyer beside you do not be a fool about this
I would drop child support. She can look him later if she chooses. She can be told when she is older to make her choice. I don’t think he even cares about your daughter just vindictive to get out of child support. Tell him if he signs you will drop child support. Do it with a lawyer present. Money isn’t as important as your daughter. Also release of all rights to daughter. Husband can adopt.
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Depends on the judge really.
My son’s dad took off for a short while, started visiting again but then started bailing ALL THE TIME. i mean this dude would tell me he’s on his way and he’ll be here in an hour… and not show up or answer his phone…
The judge awarded me full custody and no access to him.
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You should sit down with your daughter and tell her the truth. She’s going to find out eventually… It would be kinder finding out from her two parents who love her.
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Have ur husband adopt her and let the looser go
Depending on where you live he’ll probably have to do supervised visitation since. Hes been out of her life for so,long he has to establish a relationship with her. Thats what the courts told my husband to,do if he wanted visitation with his two other children that the moms wont let him see, he had to do that first.
He most certainly will get visitation. It will be supervised at this point but he will still get something. I think he is trying to call your bluff and push you to drop the child support. You can call his bluff back and schedule the visitation that the courts WILL grant him and just wait on him to not show up or you can drop child support and get him to sign over rights. Its up to you
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