Would a judge grant visitation to an absent father?

Yeah, a judge will. The courts believe a father has just as much as a right to love the child as a mother, & a child has a right to know and love their father.

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But to answer your question yes he can!

Sure would. As they should if he’s not a safety threat. Yes him being gone is WRONG but you keeping him away is also wrong :woman_shrugging:t2:

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Yeah I think they would. Might start off as supervised but I think he would get it.

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It honestly depends on the judge.

She might be of age where she can say at court if she wants to see him or not.

If hes paying child support then yes he will get visitation. Drop the child support and have him sign over his rights. Who cares about the money!

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Personally I wouldn’t want him to see her either, but if he wants to see her and you’re not going to “allow it” then you shouldn’t be excepting his child support either. He might be physically absennt but he’s not financially absent and the judge is going to see it that way and give him visitation. He has the right, just like you have the right to get support for the child he created. I hope everything works out for all of you, good luck mama.

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Mama if he is paying child support he has the right to see her no matter how absent he was if you want to change the surname and not to let her see her then drop the child support. Amn can’t be paying for a daughter he isnt even allowed to see. He is is pulling his part even if he is wasn’t around. Can’t pay for a daughter who is now anther man’s daughter and never allowed to see it doesn’t work that ways

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Child support and visitation are two DIFFERENT court matters…He clearly ABANDONED his child and the judge will consider supervised visitation first :ok_hand:

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Even if your new man did adopt, child support would automatically drop. He would no longer have a financial obligation to said child. You should’ve dropped it if you wanted your new man to adopt. Yes he can get visits. He is the child father. Child support and visitation have nothing to do with each other. They are separate issues. But a judge isnt going to look at hes been absent. They’ll start off slow probably but … that’s how itll be. I would’ve let that shit go and had your man adopt when your ex was willing.

I mean I guess you guys are missing the part when he willingly picked not to be in her life for 7 damn years

My daughter will be 14 next month and has only met her father 1 time. I don’t want her to see him due to the visit we had being a horrible visit when she was 10, but my daughter gets to speak to her father on a daily basis and I could/would never take that away from her. I also have a daughter who lives in Alaska with her father and i have our oldest living here with me over 4000 miles apart. I myself couldn’t have ever lied to my children about who their fathers are for any reason what so ever. Really think long and hard about the choices you are about to make. If you feel the need for him to continue to support your daughter then maybe you should think about the mental and emotional support your daughter needs from her “father”. I’m glad she has a man in her life that has accepted her as his own but it is never the same as a biological parent.

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My ex huband was an absentee father for years my kids didnt know him even when i gave him chance after chance to see the kids he wouldn’t but when we finally got a divorce after not being together for 8 years the judge granted him supervised visets for the first 2 months then after the kids got to know him then he had the chance to have them every other weekend well when it came down to that he dissaperd on them again for another 2 years and when he got ahold of me by now our children are teenager and didnt want anything to do witg him at first but i took them down so they could at least get to meet and spend time with there other siblings it took my kids a while to warm up to there father but after everything he is still there father and the kids want to see him there gard is up when it comes to him but they still love him. So at the end of the day that man will always be the father and no matter what the kids will alway love and forgive him… That why i let them make the choice!

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Depends on the state you live in and the circumstances. Here in CA, child support and visitation are 2 different things. And if you have him sign over his rights not sure if you know that means no more child support cause legally she wouldn’t be his anyways. He can ask for visitation but it depends on the child and how old she is now. The judge will take everything into consideration. They usually do a mediation first and if it looks like you are not trying to be in the best interest of the child they can grant him visits. But I would definitely press supervised ect visits since he has never been in her life. I would also want him evaluated as well you dont know what hes doing or what hes up to either. You can totally reconsider. Especially since dropping child support would mean you’re significant other can and probably will adopt her. Abandonment is for 1 year in California but it depends on the state and if he all of a sudden reappears and has contact without you petitioning the court the clock starts all over again.

You’re treating him like a paycheck. If he wants to be a dad, stop being selfish and let him try. When your daughter grows up and realizes she could have had a dad in him but you stood in the way, she’ll be extremely mad and hurt. I’m speaking from experience.

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He probably still wouldn’t show up for visitation. Just yanking your chain!

It depends. But also, keeping him away and still expecting money from him is kinda wrong. That’ll just turn ugly real quick and you will be the bad guy.

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If so called dad is paying child support and hasnt if he signs his rights away he will still be responsible for back child support. In my state 4 months of no contact mom and or dad can have their rights taken due to neglect and abandonment .

Probably take him couple times of visiting and he will lose interest as he obviously has done to this point so far. If it has not bothered him paying child support for 7 years and not seeing her why the change of heart. It’s all mind games seems like

Yes bc everyone deserves a fresh start

If you don’t want him to see her then drop child support but, she’s going to want to know later who her dad is and if she finds out without you telling her she’s going to be more hurt and angry that you didn’t tell her.

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Yes. A father is still allowed visitation.

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Sorry youre dealing with this. I can understand your feelings.

Yes he will. My father was absent, the minute he would want apart of my life, it’s granted.

I will say 1 thing, if you hold that child from her biological father, when she gets to be a teen you are gonna have alot questions to answer.

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The judge can. So I would ask yourself is the money from child support really worth the emotional stress of the whole situation.

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The judge will be my answer

Yep. My son’s father didn’t even show up for court, and was still awarded with every other weekend visits after only seeing him a handful of times and my son was 8. He’s now 10 and they’ve got a pretty good relationship…

I would just drop the child support so that he’s out of her life for good have him sign over all parental rights this way he doesn’t hold your daughter over your head like a little game

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Unfortunately it’s not up to you to decide whether or not he can see his daughter. Fathers have right no matter how absent he is once he states that he wants to go to court for visitation they will grant it (depending on the state) unless you can prove that he is 100% unfit there really isn’t anything you can do… This will open a whole different can of questions from your child so be prepared…

Yes. Probably supervised, but yes.

You should have filed for abandonment or maybe look into it now

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My daughter s ex said the same thing about support and never even paye eyes on the child and due to a bad choice on my daughters point the court gave him custody even though he nevthad anything to do with her for 4yearz

If you want another man to be her father, then he shouldn’t have to pay child support. I have a situation similar and that’s just the real truth dear. If you want him all out, that includes his money.

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I would stop child support if he would agree to sign his rights over

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Sometimes you have to meet in the middle you can’t always get what you want completely what’s more important the money or your child to have your last name

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If you dont want him to see her then drop wanting child support. Cause he’ll get visitiation most likely

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Yup. Without a doubt. Why collect money from him if she has a man she calls dad who supports her? To me that is wrong. You want him completely out of the picture but still want his money? And she has a “Dad”? I thinks thats wrong… sorry.

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If he is paying then he will be able to

Yes, especially if he’s paying child support.

Yes. It will be supervised at first tho. And it doesn’t matter if you drop child support or not. You could drop it and he could still get see her. He has to sign his rights away to your husband and your husband has to adopt her in order for the dad to no longer be able to contact her and you be able to change her last name

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It depends on the state. Has he actually been paying child support? If not you can get him for abandonment which is child abuse.

They will grant it as long as he can prove he has paid support for her.
If he only wants to see her because he is paying child support. Shows he has no interest in her.
I’d drop the support.
And change her last name.
And then explain it to her when she is old enough to understand.

Uhh u shouldn’t ask for child support …

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If she has a father then she doesn’t need his child support

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She is his child to, if he’s paying child support or not he should still be able to want to be apart of her life. Maybe, request supervised visitation since she doesn’t know him.

My idiot ex signed his rights over to my daughter when I offered to drop present and future child support! Once a loser always a loser!! It’s a give and take. He gave up and I took it!

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If he hasn’t been paying support and hasn’t seen her you may be able to terminate his rights based on abandonment

I dont know thr answer to your question 100% but my daughter’s dad hasn’t seen her since she was 4 or 5 days old on his own accord as well. Shes now 3. When she was almost 2, he lost his rights and they said visitation was at my discretion because he had no excuse to not see her. He still is responsible for child support even tho he hasn’t paid it in almost a year.

I was told that there would be steps involved before just allowing him to take the child… Evaluations and such. That they would never just force a child to immediately go woth a complete stranger. Biological or not. Also said hed have to take parenting classes i believe…something along those lines and that theyd start off supervised. But was told that if the father does make effort to want to be present in the childs life that they support that and would like to make it happen. At least what i was told. You do what you feel is best…go with your gut and fight for your babygirl. Hes obv only doing this bc of child support. Its all just a game…sounds all too familiar. Men suck. Lol. Glad you found a good one to take on the role as her dad. Still waiting on my prince charming to come along. Ha! God bless!

If i remember correctly if he signs over his right you won’t get child support anymore anyway

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If he is paying or willing to pay child support then most likely yes

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I was in the same EXACT situation. My son was 8. I filed for sole and he fought and started utilizing visitation. Judge wouldn’t even listen to me about him not even knowing who his dad was.

Yes a judge will give him visitation, he is her father and pays child support. An most likely your not changing her name unless he agrees.

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Yep. You have 2 choices… Get child support and allow biodad to have a relationship with his daughter or give up support and allow new dad to fully step into the role. Stop being selfish.

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Maybe hubby could adopt and sperm donor could sign off rights and eliminate child support and giver her his last name? Honestly, why the need for his money if you don’t want him around?

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I don’t think this will go well for you once your daughter fully understands the situation. She WILL want to know her father.

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Your being a greedy person. Just saying it’s the truth.

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If he doesnt have rights you wont get the child support because hes no longer responsible

Yep he will get visits. You cant have him sign over his rights and get child support.

If he signs over rights then you won’t receive child support anymore. If your husband is raising her, then what do you need child support for. Let him sign over his rights, stop accepting child support and change her name. But, yes a judge will grant him visitation if he is her father and is paying child support.

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If you have a good lawyer, he prob won’t aince he’s been gone and out of the picture. BUT he’s been paying child support so he hasn’t really been out of the picture.

We did this with our older two. Their mom agreed to sign over her rights if we dropped back child support (all that she owed which was about 9 grand) and we agreed because we didn’t need the money, we just wanted our kids to be in a loving home.

If he signs his rights over, your husband will have to adopt her, and child support won’t be ordered anymore from the bio dad. He would have to pay everything he owes unless you drop that.

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Drop child support and change her name and move on. He’s a dead beat and is using child support as a crutch to “see” her after all this time of being absent? He’s only doing it to make your life harder. You have taken care of her all this time you don’t need squat from him now.

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Theres a few things to address here. First, and I mean this with the childs best interest at heart. You should never allow a child to believe their step dad is their actual dad. That is not to say she shouldnt call him dad or tell people that’s her dad. But a biological parent can step in at ANY time and ita confusing af for kids who’ve grown up not realizing they have another parent. Secondly, you cannot not allow visits. Which goes into you’re question… yes he not only can but WILL get visitation. It may he supervised but he can go to court and “claim” his rights. Under court ordered visitation, you can be jailed for not allowing him to see his child. My advice is to have your husband adopt her. Likely, itll be easy peasy. My ex was gone for around 8yrs, came back when my kids were pre teens and I filed while he was having visitation and it was granted. Depending your state, it may be even easier cuz my state can be harsh with adoptions. Tbh, it’s not okay to take his money but not allow him to see his kid at all. You gotta make a choice here.

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After 4 years of no contact, its legal abandonment. If you can prove that he’s been absent for so long qnd hasnt had contact, your husband could actually adopt her. My sister and her husband just went through this with my niece & she is so happy about it. She’s 10. (: this is in Indiana, by the way. Good luck mamma!

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It’s funny that a lot of these responses assume the paperwork was for terminating fathers rights, but she just wants to do a name change is what she posted.

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The more the merrier its not about you no more

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I doubt any judge would let him just have visitation with her since she doesn’t know him. If he really wants to fight it they will probably order his visits be supervised by a social worker until she gets to know him and considering her age they might even take into consideration her feelings on whether or not she wants to see him at all. Just tell him the only way he will get visitation is if a judge orders it and let him take it to court and see what a judge has to say

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Get supervised visits. He dont know her she dont know him. I would stop the support. You did state that your husband stepped up and took on the role of father. If visits are going to take place request Supervised.

He will more than likely receive visitation

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Dropping child support is not a good idea. What if something goes wrong with your current marriage? Where will you get the financial assistance you need for your daughter. I would call his bluff and let him see her. He’s probably not that interested but he’s testing you. Tell your daughter the truth rather sooner than later - as she’s bound to find out one day. She already knows that her surname is different. (Doesn’t she?) so drop the quest to change her surname and maybe he will go away! I think keeping the status quo is your best scenario. If it was me I’d be regretting having opened that can of worms. Good luck. Hope it turns out well for you.

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What’s more important; your child’s happiness or money? If all it takes is dropping child support for him to be in agreeance to sign the papers; then he is doing it out of spite.
If the courts were to grant visits; I would like to think they would be supervised and have a reunification plan in place

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If he’s good enough to pay you child support he’s good enough to have visitation with his child. It sounds to me that since the child thinks your current husband is her real dad that it has never been corrected. A father is not a second class citizen. A man is not just a sperm donor, women who use that term just because a relationship doesn’t work are childish. His money is good enough for you but him having a relationship with his daughter is not. I don’t know how you sleep at night if your daughter doesn’t know who her “real” father is, regardless of the situation it is better for that child to know the truth. I have learned with all these stories that there are two sides to every story. If you just got a hold of him again after a long period of time how do you know he has not been trying to contact you to see his child. I hope he fights like hell for visitation for her. Especially because it seems to me like you want him to terminate his rights just so she doesn’t know.

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If your husband gets to adopt her then he has no right to pay child support anymore. So it’s up to you. Do you want the money or want her to have a real father?

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Once he signs over rights, you lose child support. And if he wants to be in the childs life, why not? Maybe hes changed. Hes still the real father.

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Just file abandonment

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Oh yeah, I think a judge would give him visitation. It might not be a lot at first and may even be supervised but he will get to see that child. As a dad, he has rights, regardless if he was absent for 7 years! I think you need to do what’s best for your child and put your feelings to the side. That child deserves to know the truth, and once they do they will have so many questions and most likely your answers won’t be enough for them. They will want to reach out to dad and hear from them also. I only say this from experience. My daughters dad disappeared after she was only weeks old and decided to message me about a month after her 10th birthday. As much as I wanted to push him out of her life, I didn’t. I talked to her and let her make that decision for herself. I did give her some input and warned her not to get her hopes up. But now 4 months later he is still making the effort to talk to her and see her.

As a parent you should do what’s best for your child, regardless of your personal feelings.

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He’s only doing this to force you to drop support. It will cost him thousands in lawyer and court costs to get his daughter back. Doubt it will happen.

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Yes a judge would, you can’t expect to have him pay and not be allowed to see her. A judge might even lower support and establish more in depth visitation.

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Hes paying for her it’s only fair to let him see her… why make someone pay for a child they dont want??

First of all, you need to tell your daughter the truth, better late than never.
Yes , as he is paying support he is obviously on the birth certificate. He would only be given short supervised visits to begin with and go from there.

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You should check local law. In some states you don’t need his permission, if you can’t find him you just post in the local newspaper and they grant the name change.

You can’t have it both ways.

Either you get the man’s money or he get’s visitation rights. :woman_shrugging:

That’s why I don’t get child support for my oldest.

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Yes. He’s paying child support and still has rights that is her dad. So… whole point of not rights means no child support.

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If a judge does give visits thats bs as for dropping child support if your husband is willing to take on the father role i would so i can adopt her

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Have you considered a step parent adoption rather than just changing her last name? That way everyone gets what they want. Plus, should something happen to you, your husband would keep her. I was in a similar situation until about 2 months ago. Chances are he’ll terminate his rights willingly and it Could be an easy process. If you have questions about SPA, feel free to message me.

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You can’t have your cake and eat it to.
Child support and visitation go hand in hand.

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Yes. If biological his. Maybe reconsider and let child support go. Maybe a new husband can adopt her and give her yalls last name. Good luck.

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So you want his money but deny him the child hes paying for because your husband took over the father role? I’d say either drop the support and allow your husband to adopt her or let the father that’s been paying see her. I’m not with my kids dad he barley pays supports but he is in thier life regardless. We may not agree on everything but hes the father.

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He definitely still has the right to see her whether you like it or not. Better tell your daughter the truth. Even if he isn’t in her life one day she may find out and resent you for lying! Imagine what she will feel, imagine going through life with your dad and find out this man you love is in fact NOT your dad what a betrayal that huge lie! But yeah he will get visitation unless he is abusive or an addict. Especially since he supports the child duh!

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And why would u even deny ur daughter the chance to know her real father? Good or bad it is HER RIGHT to know the truth! What is wrong with people :woman_facepalming:t2:

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I think he will get supervised since she doesnt know him. He will have to pay for the sessions which will cost him even more.

My ex is paying child support and not seeing his kids… But that’s because i think his wife wont let him.

Just drop the child support and let your husband legally adopt her

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Hes paying child support…so youll take his money in his absense but not let him see his child?

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Talk to a lawyer. They will be able to give you the best advice for your situation.

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Firstly, tell your daughter the truth. You don’t get to decide who her father is like that - her father is her father whether he’s a good one or not. It’s great that your husband has stepped up but you shouldn’t have built their relationship on a lie. Secondly, you can fight him having visitation with her but most judges will rule in favour for it. He may only get supervised but if he’s been paying Cs for so long, he deserves at least that. In the long run, if you don’t tell her the truth you’ll end up being the bad guy and no matter what your reasons or how much you did it out of love, your daughter will never trust you the same. Focus on that over money.

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Yup they will allow visits. Been there

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So drop child support if you don’t want him in her life. Easy as that.

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