Would I be in the wrong to ask my grandma why she doesn't send me a birthday card?

I need to know if I am overthinking or not. I am 25 years old…for every birthday I found out that my grandma sends my siblings a birthday card with 50 dollars…but she has never once did that for me…they are 20 and 23…i get i am the oldest but i feel like its kinda messed up…i dont even care about th emoney really but she doesn’t even send me a card…i dont want to start drama but i feel a little hurt by this…would I be wrong to ask her?

46 Likes

It’s not selfish by no means , I totally get it. I feel as everyone should be treated equally even if it means by just receiving a card without money! I’d have a convo with her❤️

3 Likes

Just talk to her and tell her how you feel. Take her out or just go visit and sit and talk to her. You know she loves you. She’s older so she may think that she always has but not realizing that she hasn’t.

I would give anything to just sit & talk to my grandma…i love & miss her so much

1 Like

I would ask her definitely to see what she says do it sweetie :smiling_face_with_three_hearts::heart::purple_heart::orange_heart:

2 Likes

You definitely should have a conversation with her especially if you feel hurt by it. And I also understand why you would feel hurt by this. I would also draw it to your parent or parents attention as well. You should never feel bad or feel like you’re starting drama for having a conversation with someone you feel has hurt you. This causes resentment and repressed anger.

20 Likes

Just a small possibility, she might be giving you something way better than $50 and a card for your birthday in her will. Since you’re the oldest it would make sense. I’m not saying that’s the case but it hit my head so I thought i’d throw the possibility out there. But if I were you I’d gently and politely ask her anyway, just for peace of mind.

1 Like

I don’t think it’s wrong to ask but be prepared for her to respond. She may feel some type of way about it

11 Likes

Yes absolutely tell her it hurts

Pick your battles. Just be glad that you still have a grandmother

3 Likes

Send her a card for her bday. It’s a kinder reminder that the oldest needs love too

13 Likes

I would send her a card and make your address really big on it. Then call here and ask her if she got your card. Then mention how much you know she likes to send cards and how sweet it is she sends them to your siblings. Honestly she may have sent one for you to your parents’ or didn’t have your address. Go about it delicately. Be kind and give her a chance to explain. It may just be that she has a fixed income and doesn’t send cards to adults.

2 Likes

That is very sad , I am
sorry u have to go through this. I hope god send u lots of love and peace in ur life

3 Likes

Old people are funny sometimes but be very prepared for a bad response. Depending on the family dynamic I’d ask your parent why first and see if it’s worth digging in to something you don’t want to.

17 Likes

Some grandparents just show favoritism. I’ve even had some tell me this.

What did ya do to Grandma LoL :rofl:

1 Like

I would give anything to have the chance to talk to my Grand Mothers again
I get that you feel left out
Be the bigger person and get over it

1 Like

Send her a bill for 25 years … or let it go. Youre 25. Who cares

Do you send her birthday cards or any other correspondence? I suggest you make that first gesture and write her a letter or send a “Thinking of you” card with your current address (Love and miss you! Not sure if you have my current address so wanted to include it just in case. Hope to hear from you soon!) Start up written correspondence with no allusion to what she sends your siblings. I assume this is really about feeling disconnected from your grandmother not the money or her relationship with her other grandkids. Take that first step to reconnect and see what happens. If she responds positively, problem solved! If she doesn’t, then you know that she doesn’t value your relationship with her and you can begin to let go. Either way, you don’t have to live in limbo.

8 Likes

My daughter is 13 years old. She’s never once got a birthday card from her biological paternal grandparents. She doesn’t know any different though because she doesn’t remember them at all. She hasn’t seen her biological paternal family since she was a baby.

Its possible that she is the Grandma to your siblings but not your Grandma… Ask your Mom first.

11 Likes

Assuming you send her a card on her birthday, go ahead and ask.

2 Likes

Maybe she doesn’t like you

How old is grandma, as you get older you sometimes forget things,may that’s the reason

2 Likes

Lindsay Mae Demski Not the same. Her sins get presents.

How do you acknowledge her on her birthday?

Why not start with asking your parents. It is odd. My cousins would get bikes for Christmas from my grandma. We got underwear. Never asked why!! Just thought she sucked. My mom made up for it

2 Likes

Who cares? Why open that can of worms?

3 Likes

Selfish on your part :disappointed: you will will always love her anyway I’m assuming

19 Likes

Be careful what you ask for- you may not like the answer, young one. Coming from a large family ( Mexican/Native) our Elders give accordingly- being one of the Eldest - I’ve had the special gift of knowing my grandparents the longest and they taught me many, many things. They were younger and had more energy. Now the younger ones don’t know what I know and when I show the younger ones -a thing or two - they are amazed that I’ve learned from our grandparents ( those slow moving , that sleeps a lot people ) That’s a gift that keeps on giving. Appreciate all they have really given you - and seriously appreciate them for being them. They won’t be here much longer - and to think of such things, young one, is a waste of good time. Nothing good should ever be wasted. :v:t4::sunflower::feather:

1 Like

I’d definitely ask why, because your feeling hurt by this, prepare yourself for the worst response though! For me though a card would be the least of my worries, when my grandmother went to all my sisters and cousins weddings who have married so far, but I sent her a save the date and was flat out told don’t bother sending the official one because she won’t come!

3 Likes

That would be the mature thing to do. However I am not and I’m petty, I would send her a sorry for your loss and you are dead to me card the second I found out. :woman_shrugging:t2:

7 Likes

What I can tell you is that it may not be intentional. My grandmother had about nine grandchildren, 20 Great grandchildren and over 50 great- Great grand kids. She just couldn’t keep track of them all, in spite of having it written on calendars. Sometimes she even misspelled the names. We never held it against her and loved her anyway. Aside from the cards, birthdays, and Christmas, she treated us all the same.

I would definitely ask her why this is and explain to her that it hurts your feelings and that you don’t understand :woman_shrugging:

If it’s bothering you then I say ask! I’m not one to hold my tongue though and am totally against the inequality here!

1 Like

You have to quietly talk to your grandma and tell her how it makes you feel. See if she has any explanation.

You may not be her granddaughter…

1 Like

You know us Mama’s are gonna need to send you a card :star_struck::smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

Id absolutely ask her ! That is really inconsiderate on her part .

1 Like

You have every right to wonder, feel hurt and ask!
These comments are wild :woozy_face:

Ask yourself what did you do for her birthday, how often do you visit her etc. Its not always about the money…go make her a tea/coffee and chat spend time with her while you can

1 Like

put the Big girl panties on & go visit your grandmother & talk to her, & I really mean talk to her, And ask her

Were they ever in her care/lived with her?.. I’ve noticed that grandparents who end up tasked with a ‘parental role’ end up bonding much differently with the children they have helped raise. It’s not ‘favortism’ it’s a tighter bond that developes due to grandma having to step into Mom’s shoes for whatever reason and for some duration of time. That bond doesn’t just ‘go away’ she’d remember those children’s bdays more etc. I had my oldest daughter at 18 we lived with my grandmother the first two yrs of her life my daughter walked everyday after school because I worked ft to my grandma’s house until she was about 11 so my grandmother is closer to my eldest who is 17 opposed to my younger kids 3&5 she still loves them but it’s WAY different.
However… If that’s not the case than grandma unless she’s going senile is displaying some narcissistic traits. I don’t think I’d want that toxicity in my life.

4 Likes

Maybe she is sending it to the wrong address.

1 Like

Id ask i couldnt hold my own water hahaha id have to know why

you always care why your own family treats you differently than others. And it will only grow more hurtful as you see it continue. Have a private talk with your grandmother, this is between you and her. It does not matter if anyone else in the family knows. Why hurt your parents or siblings relationship with her? Tell her how it makes you feel without being accusing then, listen to her explanation. Let her know it only hurts because you love her and want to understand. Accept her explanation and above all, forgive her. Do not carry this into your future because it will always bring back hurt and feelings of rejection. Only way you will ever find peace with this.

4 Likes

Get a DNA test…maybe she knows something you dont

I’ts probably because you didn’t say thank you for a gift back in 2006 or something -the boomers hold their grudges!!!

7 Likes

My grandparents had 13 kids … so you can guess there’s a Ton of cousins … we got a brand new $2 bill every single Christmas until Mamaw passed (wish I would’ve saved mine :roll_eyes:)
But as in Any family some cousins were treated “better” … Now as an adult I don’t really hang out with or talk to the “special” ones cause they Definitely carried that over to their adulthood … lol

How much older are you? Spme old people stop at a certain age I always found it odd myself. But the only thing you can do is straight up ask her why she sends them bday card but not you.

Don’t ask her just never talk to her again

Depends. When. Was. The. Last. Time. U. Sent. Her. One?