Would I be wrong to have my daughter share a room with her brother?

Keep annonumus please!!! We have a 3 bedroom house and we had to move my father in law in due to health issues and him not being able to take care of himself. We have a daughter that’s 12 & a son that’s 4. Our daughter is growing and becoming a teenager we are aware she needs her space but rn at the moment we can’t afford to move out to a bigger house. Our son sleeps in our bedroom in his toddler bed but we’ve been wanting to move him out. I’ve been thinking about maybe combining my daughter’s room with him and having them share a room one side hers and the other his… (the only thing in the room will be his bed and maybe his decor. (His toys will stay in the living room) so it won’t take up much room. My question is, would it be wrong to make our daughter share a room with her 4 yr old brother? Thank you and all advice is greatly appreciated :+1::blush:


Personally, I wouldn’t do that. However just ask her what she thinks about it.

I personally wouldn’t sacrifice by daughters personal space for my own. I think keeping him in your room makes the most sense if he’s already in his own bed.


I would keep him in the room with me for now. Doesn’t really make sense to want to move him at the moment when you have to make other accommodations for others. If he wants to sleep with his sister occasionally that’s fine. But she’s going to need her private space and 4 yr olds know nothing about giving someone space.


I think I’d keep the 4y in with me if he’s already in there.


I would not have them share, she needs her own space as she is almost a teenager. Keep the 4 year old with you until you can get a bigger house.


I shared a room with my brother, who was six years younger, until I was 17. I wasnt always happy about it, and would occasionally just sleep on the couch, but it was hardly a big deal. We were fed, we were housed, and we were loved. My parents did what they could with what they had and it taught me to appreciate the little things :heart:


I grew up sharing a room with my brother until I left for college. We were 3 years apart in age, but grew up that way and knew nothing different. I think if your daughter has always had her own room, moving a younger brother in could upset her greatly. However, if you find it necessary, ask her permission and explain your reasoning. Get her input on how you can make it work – decorating ideas, a schedule for alone time for her in the room, etc. If she agrees to it, and you speak with her in a rational manner, I think you’ll go a long way to getting her cooperation. One last thought – if you have a walk in closet or some other small space available, convert it into a room for your son. He knows no different and will accept the space without a problem. This is what we did when our young grandson came to live with us on short notice. Good luck!


I personally wouldn’t do that because she’s at the age where she’s going through a lot of changes in life, but it’s ultimately your decision. Plus at 12 years old I would imagine she wouldn’t be going to bed at the same time as your son, at least I don’t remember going to bed before 9 at that age. Is it worth possibly waking your son up because both children don’t go to bed at the same time? I would definitely recommend having a conversation about it with her to see how she feels about it and what she would feel comfortable with, also what guidelines/rules would be followed.

Hopefully you find a solution that works for your family :blush:

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When I was 16, my step mom had a baby and I had to share a room with him. I wasn’t there full time but I honestly didn’t care. It was kinda fun to cuddle with him in the morning.


They should not share a room. Keep him in yours until you can accommodate better. It’s not your daughters burden to bare.


Sit with your daughter explain to her the situation see how she feels about it. I know it’s your home and you’re the adult but just respecting her would probably be enough for her to just say yes that’s okay. Get a room divider to create more of a personal space for both of them. Let her help in recreating the space


I don’t think there is a problem with it just explain to your daughter that it’s temporary. Cause I do believe you and your husband need your own privacy and I don’t think a four year old should share a room with grandpa .  Maybe it’s just me, but I do believe adults need more privacy than a 12-year-old. 


No way should a 12 year old girl have to share a room with a 4 year old.


12 year old girls need their own space. Keep him with you for the time being. Your entire household will be much happier and peaceful then if you put him with a hormonal girl.


If he’s already in your room, I would keep him there. She will look at it as you wanted him out your room so you moved him with her when she doesnt want him in there.


She is still the child so while she may Want her own space, mom and dad need their privacy more. Room dividers are Wonderful and they have some really nice ones at home depot (online especially) but we have to do what we have to do as adults in order to maintain a peaceful functioning home. Make her side a bit more spacey than his since he’s about the whole house. Make it cozy and let her help♥️


Personally I would keep him in my room if he was already there.


I mean I’d personally keep my son in my room but I don’t think any child needs their own room. I feel like this is a relatively new concept and families throughout history have had many children living in small spaces sharing rooms. A 4yo doesn’t need to hang out in their room all day and can just go in there to sleep.


I wouldn’t do that to my teenage daughter. I would leave the kids stuff in my room.

I don’t have issues with sisters and brother sharing a room. It’s the age gap that Is the issue to me. She’s almost a teenager. I’d the 4 year old didn’t have too, I wouldn’t do it.


At 12 years old your daughter should be able to understand the situation and be willing to cope with the changes your family needs to make. Compassion and empathy for her grandfather should be the key, and sacrifice is something every one of us need to learn!


Depending on state there might be some violations in that. I’d keep the boy with you guys for now. At 12 she is more than used to being alone. She is also becoming a teenager. Be careful. If it was only temporary like 6months to a year than maybe

I would keep him in the room with is in this case. The age difference is too much and she is going into puberty. Us having abother kid should not mean that she is negativly impacted.


Could he sleep in your father in law’s room instead or would it be dangerous? Get bunk beds with the little one on the top. I’m f you have the room, there are single over double bunks.

No way I’d make my 12 yo daughter share a room bc I didn’t want their younger sibling in my room any more.

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There were 8 of us kids. We more or less all used the same rooms. I never had my own room. We all grew up fine.


So funny the general thought now is that kids need their own room. Lol. Not that long ago very large families were living in much closer quarters than we do now…its a privilege, not a need.


Sorry, but yes. That would be wrong. It would be different if they were both younger and closer in age, but she is a pre-teen and needs privacy that a 4 year old can not and will not give her.

If you have a dining room, office etc that can be closed off, do that. Or build a wall to turn the largest room into two rooms so they each have their own space.


Can you make a space in the basement or part of you family room for your 12 year old? She is growing up and might be better to have her space?


I’d keep the 4 year old I’m with me. The 12 year old needs thier space


I’m not sure what state your in. But, I know here in Michigan. You can’t put a female and male child in the same room after the age of 5. Because my 4 yr (girl) & 3 yr (boy) share a room right now. By next year, I’ll have to find a new place to live because of this.


Nope, don’t put them together. You will regret it so much. Either keep him with you or find a creative option for him. I have seen many people make a spot for a bedroom area in the living room. You can hang a curtain rod in the corner or get a privacy screen, put his toddler bed and a dresser in that area and the toys you say are in the living room so you could make it a combination living room, his room. But I would not suggest you do this to a 12-year-old. She is much to old to start sharing with a 4 year old and it will be more trouble than it is worth.

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Not only should you let your daughter keep her own space, but legally, you HAVE to. He’s already in your room, so I don’t really see the issue with continuing that until your figure out having more space. Or even just give the FIL the living room? Pull out bed or a recliner, whatever works for him, seeing how he’s having a hard time anyway, being out with the family would probably be better mentally and physically for him.


I’d ask the 12 year old how she feels about it…

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You pay the bill, your house, your rules. I can’t stand people who give teenagers so much freedom to decide what’s going on in the home. It will teach her how to be kind, share and be respectful. Those are the things she should’ve known already.


I’d personally keep my 4 yo in the room with me.

I have a 5 year old daughter & she sleeps with me while my 13 yo daughter has a room to herself. She wants her own space & I agree. We live with my mum. Have been for the last 2 years now but we are looking for a house. Have a 14 year old at boarding and she sleeps in the lounge room on holidays. 3 bdrm house also.

Depending on your father in law’s health issues,could your 4 year old share a room with him? Much of my life, I was raised by elderly families members. I have also witnessed how grandchild and great grandchildren help to keep their parents and grandparents active. If your son and his grandfather are close, maybe sharing a room would be good for both of them.

Dont do that to your daughter its not right she needs her own space and not her fault with situation. He should sleep in your room until your other family is gone. Moving in someone else is on you and she should not have to sacrifice for it. Your son is 4 he can share a room with you for now.

Got a shed off the house? Insulate and section off a part for pops, so all parties have their own space? Your already uprooting the dinamics of pops moving in (not a bad thing at all) but maybe compromise with pops first instead of putting your daughter out…??

If you were to move your son into your daughter’s room are you able to get a room divider so she still has her privacy? Do a trial run and see how they settle and if it doesn’t work then maybe consider your boy having a room divider in the lounge along with his toys?
In Asia many family members sleep on a mattress/mattresses in the lounge. I’m mentioning this because you’ll have people saying how odd it is for your children to share rooms and they should have separate rooms. Not everyone operates like that and there is no one shoe fits all. Try different options and see what works for your family :blush:

I’d keep the 4yo with you. Too big of an age gap. Is there another area of the room? A dining room? Den? Even honestly some people turn walk in closets into bedrooms.

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Although not ideal, you do what you need to do. It may not be terrible if his toys aren’t in there taking up too much space. She could still have her space and he basically just sleeps in there anyway. I know my 4 y.o. doesn’t play much in his bedroom bc his toys are in the living room too.

Yeah no… don’t do that to her. Keep him w you for now and find maybe another space you can put his bed and keep his necessities in your room. She’s almost 13 going thru girl changes and that just seems awful to out a 4 year old in her room.


I would personally be asking my daughter how she feels abouts it, rather than making her sacrifice her space rather than your own. She may love the idea, but if she hates the idea she will resent her sibling and as you’re heading into teenager hormone territory she will hold it against you too. Present her with the situation, how you need to support each other and give the options that you all have to choose from

Have you spoken to your daughter about how she’d feel about sharing?

I have a 13yo daughter - she appreciates her own space, and I don’t think she’d be keen to share with a sibling of any age (my son is 10, so a lot closer in age than your children, so hard to do a direct comparison).

Could you put your bed in the living room or a dining room if you have? We have 4 kids and only 3 rooms. So i will eventually be moving m bed and dressers to my dining room area, my oldest will be taking my room
My 19 month old and 7 month old will be sharing a room and my son will be in his room

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You do what you gotta do! No shame in siblings sharing a room. Easy adjustments can be made to accommodate each other’s privacy.


Only if they get the master bed room. They havlf to fit two beds in there. If they have to make sacrifices so do the parents

Possibly if they were alot closer in age , even then I would find it hard . Your daughter is at an age where personal space is only going to be getting what she wants and needs more and more. Then you have bed times, what will your daughter do when your son has to go to bed ? And likely wakes up easier than her . When it’s her bedtime she is going to have to be so quite, no reading in bed ect. Then him touching all her things . What about sleepover with her friend’s?

Yes it infringes on her privacy .


Could you make her room or even another room smaller by adding a wall and door to make him a small room? I think the girl needs the space. You said he would just need a bed and some decorations so realistically it wouldn’t need to be too big. I’m sure your daughter would rather a smaller room than have to share with a 4 year old. 4 year Olds are a lot to handle especially if they still wake in the night for the bathroom or bad dreams, they don’t have boundaries and they start to get curious about others bodies.

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My 7 year old son shares a room with his 14 year old sister and they love it. The issue is they stay up at night talking and laughing instead of sleeping on school nights. Neither like to be alone and like having each other for a sense of security.


With today’s economy many parents are doing this kids seem to be fine

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Put up a temporary wall to give the 4 year old a separate space. That could be part of the parents’ room or the daughter’s, depending on where it fits best. For the child it need only be a sleeping space… his play time will be in the rest of the house with his toys and with adult supervision.

Legally it’s not ok, children of opposite sexs can not share are room after one of them turns 4

My daughter and son shares a room. She is now 13 and he is 5, she will be getting her own room this summer, as long as it is temporary siblings can share.

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Just keep him in your room for now. Your daughter needs privacy and her own space.

Do what you have to do but I would let her keep her space if possible. Maybe keep him with you or divide some of the living room and Make him his own space

It would be wrong yes. She needs her space. If just keep him in my room.

My brother and I had to share a room for a while, I was 5yrs older. I changed clothes in the bathroom.i also had the top bunk which gave me a little separation.

If you can purchase privacy screen/to om dividers or room dividing curtains then it would be fine. My 12yo D and 9 yo S had to share a room for 6 months due to life situations and handled it fine but I would have preferred to divide the room for privacy.

I’d keep son in my room after all he only sleeps in there where you invading her space bedtime difference plus she is 12! I hate the issue in him staying in your room?

Leave the 4yr old in your room.


Yeah I would say keep him in your room until you can afford a bigger place

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children especially boys and girls have to be separate and have their own room


We had to make room for more people than we had rooms for. My husband and I got a sleeper sofa for ourselves in the living room. But we usually don’t hang out in our bedroom anyways.

Well it depends, how many times a day do you wanna hear Moooooommmmm :weary::weary:from your daughter.

I would check your state laws or province laws. Like in Canada Under the Standard, suitable housing is based on the following criteria:

A maximum of 2 persons per bedroom.
Household members, of any age, living as part of a married or common-law couple share a bedroom with their spouse or common-law partner.
Lone parents, of any age, have a separate bedroom from their children.
Household members aged 18 or over have a separate bedroom, except those living as part of a married or common-law couple.
Household members under 18 years of age of the same sex may share a bedroom, except lone parents and those living as part of a married or common-law couple.
Household members under 5 years of age of the opposite sex may share a bedroom if doing so would reduce the number of required bedrooms. This situation would arise only in households with an odd number of males under 18, and odd number of females under 18 and at least one female and one male under the age of 5.
An exception to the above is a household consisting of 1 individual living alone who may live in a studio apartment with no separate bedroom.

There are no state or federal laws against most opposite gender siblings sharing a room in their own home, but some institutions do regulate how spaces are shared and CSA can get involved.

How long before you could afford to move to a bigger place? Your daughter might be OK with it if it’s temporary and under a year or two.

In my state they cannot share a room after the age of 5. I had to take another room and turn it into a bedroom for the youngest, being that they are different sex

Let your 4 year old share a room with you guys or you and your hunny should sleep in the living room while your children can have the rooms.

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Put up a privacy screen maybe or create a divider of some sort. At four hell outgrow that toddler bed soon.

Could your kids share the bigger room but put a fake wall behind them for privacy

Father in law can have your sons room

Girl you gotta do what u gotta do to live!


Why can’t your son share your father in law room

My husband put bunk beds up and walk on the top bunk and a wall on the bottom bunk

Put up a curtain or shower curtain in the middle of the room…If you are in the biggest bedroom swap over…make more room for them :blush::england:

With cps it’s illegal . Now you can share a room with her… but no man can live in it. He has to sleep elsewhere like living room or son’s room.

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Turn master into 2 bedrooms and parents take the daughters.

Put wall up otherwise no so not issues will arise cause u know someone call cas

I think he should stay in your room.

Can you make a divider of some sort? Four year olds are stupid annoying and get into and destroy everything… Saying this as a mother of a stupidly annoying four year old. But, I shared a room with multiple siblings my entire life, the idea that children get an entire room to themselves is strange to me. Pack them little dudes in there, they’ll be just fine. If they want to feel alone, buy them a hammock and some headphones and tell them to head to the back yard.


Have you asked her about it?
If she is not ok with it , just keep him in your room

Shared a room with 3 other sibblings. It wont always be this way. You have to do what you have to do sometimes. My daughter is 11. Youngest is 7. They are just gonna have to deal with it. Lol.


In tn opposite sex genders can’t share a room past 10 idk about other states

Horrible idea. As the parents you need to make the sacrifice of keeping the 4 yr old in YOUR room.

If it’s only temporary it’s fine to have them share

Why would you choose to move him out of your room now when you have less space?
Personally I’d keep my toddler in my room or maybe turn the living room into mine and my husband’s “room” so my kids could have their own rooms

Keep him in your room and let her have her own room.

Not wrong at all. There are children with much less

It’s not ideal but you gotta do what you need to. Get creative so they can still have privacy.


I’d keep them separated. That’s a big age gap.


Where I’m at, it’s illegal for opposite genders to share a room over the age of 5…

I’d feel bad taking away my daughter’s independent space at that age and be worried she would retaliate (I guess is the right way to put it? Lol) or feel less because of it. Plus there’s potential for the 4 year old to interrupt her sleep or even just sanity (we all know toddlers) and that could hinder her academic performance in my personal opinion. I’d keep the 4 year old with me or maybe find another area to make a small room for him… even just a make shift one in the corner of my room if need be so he feels he has is own space as well. We all make do, but during such a shift in the household I feel that girl needs her space now more than ever.


Needs are a must, so do what you have to do. She won’t like it, but oh well, it can be her first lesson in life isn’t fair and that you need to suck it up buttercup when others need help.

Keep 4 year old in your room.

If he already shares with you, why would you make her share with him?


Might be illegal in some states because of the gender difference