Do what you feel is right. If for any reason I ever get divorced I’m keeping my last name lol it’s been many years with it and my maiden name is ugly. If I ever remarry his last name better be way better in order for me to change it.
Give up the ex-husband’s name. New marriage,new journey, new name
My mom went from Gregg (first marriage and all three of us kids) to Gregg-Meyer (hyphenated kids and second marriage). People thought it was strange she hyphenated her two husbands but she always stood by her claim that she was hyphenating her kids and her husband, it had nothing to do with her ex (my dad). Plus, it made things easier with the whole name change process. I mean, legally she still had to change it and all the important paperwork but she just left silly things like the Costco card and existing loyalty memberships as Gregg and if anyone ever asked for ID and saw Gregg-Meyer, they didn’t question anything.
No, he understands its important to you to have the same last name as your children. Sounds like a keeper. I would just sit him down and make sure he understands how you feel and ask him to expand on how he feels about it. We xplain thag its likely permanent and you don’t want it to become a problem later on. So to really speak up with any concerns… bc men are kinda dense about thag kind of stuff sometimes.
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Be traditional take his and only his. That is the respectful way
I think that is AMAZING of your new husband. I think that is super sweet. Especially if he is the one who brought it up. I don’t think he is disrespected by it so
If he says he’s ok with it especially since children are involved, then just hyphenate. My mom remarried when I was young and did not grow up having the same last name as her and honestly I don’t think I thought about it too much.
When i got my divorce from my ex husband, I wanted my maiden name back (he was an abuser). The judge denied it because of our 2 children. So when I got re-married 2 years later (we have been married 40 years), when I got my social changed I had my middle name and the new married name. Then when I went to get my drivers license changed, they put my previous married name as my middle name. After the youngest of those 2 turned 18 it took me 2 years to get my middle name back and that previoius married name off of my drivers license. I had to go to the state I was born in and married the first time in to get records to prove my name at birth, the marriage (Detroit Michigan) and then I had to get a certified copy of my divorce decree (Hendry Count Florida). Needless to say, all records were archived on microfich files and took hours and days to get it all done and I still had to fight to get my middle name back on all my legal records. Yes, having my previous married name on my drivers license was good when the kids were young and in school but once they were “adults” it was time to get rid of that name. Now to get my star on my license I have to go through the process again…UGH And my ex husband passed away 4 years ago and they told me I need his death certificate too…sorry but not possible as I am not related to him nor a spouse. Michigan won’t give me a copy as I was wife #1, and he was married multiple times after our divorce and they all divorced him when he beat them badly too. Do what you think is right for YOU. … and it sounds like you have met a good and decent man. My husband has been very understanding and has helped me through the name fiasco and the fighting over the kids for years. Me trying to protect my kids knowing what their natural father was like and no help in supporting them my current husband stepped up from day one and was a good dad to them and the child we had together. They werre happy to have a good dad and would beg not to go for the annual month visit (he moved back to Michigan and I stayed here in Florida). They still call their step father “Dad” and called their biological dad “Father” . He would beat the kids when he had them and a few days after they came back home, he would accuse us of the bruises he put on them. We were lucky because the kids always told them who really hit them and did it on purpose to hurt me. It sounds like you have a tough decision to make on the name change and that you still have a decent relationship with the ex. Your bestie you are marrying sounds like a great man. Good Luck and whishing you many years of happiness. Think about the middle name issue rather than hyphenating your last name. It worked for me and for you it will be easy to change at a later date.