I need some input on this. I will be getting married to my best friend in the whole world. He’s an amazing man. I was married once before, and he knows my ex-husband and I are still good friends. I kept my married name. We were talking about name changing, and he suggested I hyphenate my last names. So it would be both my married names. I felt like that was awkward and would be kind of disrespectful to our marriage, but he is so super understanding that I share my last name with my children, and I’m very welcome in that family; I grew up in foster care, so it IS important to me in the family aspect. However, my relationship with my future husband is extremely precious to me. He’s been my best friend thru the worst of times and the best of times, and his last name/bloodline is also extremely important to him. Again, he’s super understanding and always compromises, but I feel like this might be something I should just decide. Does it seem awkward to hyphenate my last names in this case? My ex-husband and fiancé get along really well, and they’re both okay with it, but it just doesn’t sit right with me.
It doesn’t sit well with you so don’t do it. It’s YOUR last name.
I think it’s ok since you have children with that last name.
It’s completely up to you and who cares what others think. My previous marriage wasn’t great but I kept the name until I got remarried so I would still have the same name as my son. Now that I remarried I dropped that name but my son knows it doesn’t change how I feel for him.
Your last name matching your children’s isnt that big of a deal. My step mother who didn’t share a last name never had issues picking us or doing anything medical for us.
If it doesn’t sit right with you then don’t do it! I’m married but if we ever split up I would keep his last name because that’s all 3 of my kids last name
I will be hyphonating when I get remarried! It means a lot to have the same last message as my kids!
I’ve had my last name longer than the original. I’d like to keep it the same as my kids so I’d probably do that. Having said that, plenty of Mums have a different surname to their kids and I wouldn’t think anything of it.
Normal to do it when it is your kids last name.
I did… for my son’s sake. He was the only child from my first marriage. I wanted him to still feel connected to me by name. I changed it once he became an adult.
If You are not ok with it, then you have your answer.
My mom always kept her married last name so it was the same as her children. Don’t think about it too much. Just do whatever you’re comfortable with doing.
I wouldn’t keep my last name from a previous marriage… that’s just me though…you do what feels right to you… it’s your name.
My better halfs ex did that when she remarried. Gets confusing at school as they still call her by her ex’s last name not current husband. Remember you’ll need to sign both for everything so depending on how long each last name is might not be enough room to sign.
It’s up to you but if it was me i would just take my new husbands last name, it’s not going to matter to your kids and you won’t have the same name as them because yours will be hyphenated.
You do what you feel is right. I am going thru a divorce myself a d I will not keep my married name. And if I were to ever marry again my last name will my my future husbands last name
Do I think it sounds weird? Yes. Just take your new husbands last name
I think your kids will understand. I go by a different last name as my kids. their dad and I were never married. Doesn’t matter to them. I personally wouldn’t keep my ex husbands last name if we were divorced.
If it doesn’t sit right then dont do it. My daughter has her dads last name but I insisted she had my surname as her middle name so we still share the name
Girl I feel the same way. Me and my boyfriend have talked about getting married and he suggested the same thing so I would still have that connection with my kids. I probably won’t end up doing it that way cuz I honestly feel the emotional connection I have with them is all I need. Plus when they get older and marry they won’t have that last name anymore and it would be akward to have that last name still and them not at that point.
Go with what your gut tells you.
If you’re bothered by it then I wouldn’t keep it. It’s very nice that he’s understanding but I’m sure your kids will understand also. Not sure their ages but they will obviously know you aren’t married to their dad, so I don’t think they’ll think it’s weird either.
Also you could drop your middle name if you wanted and make their last name your middle name, so you still have it on paperwork legally so it doesn’t cause issues but you don’t go by that last name. Alot of women do this with their maiden names.
Personally I think that would be weird. Growing up I didn’t have the same last name as my mom. And I have 3 kids, one has my maiden last name and the other 2 have my married last name. It’s not a big deal to have different last names than your kids unless you make it a bit deal.
I definitely wouldn’t do that take your new husband’s last name only
I feel like whatever you decide is fine. It’s adorable that your husband is ok with that. And i like the idea of having the same name as your kids but it’s not necessary. My mom changed her last name and it didn’t bother me at all but I was a teenager. In the end if it makes you uncomfortable don’t do it.
Do what makes you comfortable. I don’t see an issue with this at all providing that all parties are okay with it.
I still have my ex husband’s name. I kept it for my kids when we divorced and now I’m remarried and planning on having it hyphenated as well. Its completely on yall and the comfort level yall are good with.
I did so I have both my kids last name and my current husband. My ex was pissed about it still is judge told him I have the choice and she or he can’t make me change it
He is doing great understanding the name thing with the kids. If u don’t want to don’t, but does ur ex understand name importance? Maybe hyphenate kids names too if its really that important to keep same asx them, or try the hyphenated now before marriage an see if u like it…
This sounds like its more your decision to make since both men are ok with it. I personally changed my name back to my maiden name when I divorced as I wanted as little to do with my abusive ex as possible. My children are still my children from him no matter what our names are. But when I married my husband I took his name and now I have our children’s last name. My older children hate their last name and since I know their father wouldn’t approve of them changing it I support them changing it when they get older, whether it be taking their spouses last name even if its my boys takin their wife’s last name instead. Nothing wrong with taking the wife’s name in my opinion.
Girl what?? Why would you want to carry an ex’s name? That’s weird
I say take your new husband’s last name. 2 of my kids have my married last name and my last babe has my maiden name (my last name) and no one says anything about it being different.
I kept my ex husbands last name for my kids, but that was me. You need to do what you feel is right for you and your family
Keep it. Hyphenate it. I love the idea!! Not many can be friends with their ex. You guys are doing it right!!
I just went through this. My children obviously have my ex-husbands last name. I kept it in the divorce also so that my children and I had the same last name. I got remarried almost 2 years ago and because of my children I hyphenated my last names.
I’m very biased about this subject…my husband’s ex wife not only still has his last name and kept it after getting remarried…but her youngest son who is her at the time husband’s biological child has my husband’s last name as well…
Why do women keep claiming their last name belongs to their husband? If you took it on then it becomes your name. You can keep it, you can give it to your future kids etc. The day you changed your name it became yours.
My mom hyphenated her last name when she got remarried. She kept my fathers last name so she could still have the same last name as my siblings and I, but she also took her ex’s last name. If it doesn’t sit right with you, don’t do it. Do what makes you happy and comfortable
Just bc he says he’s ok with something now doesn’t mean his feelings on the subject won’t change later. It is weird to have your ex husbands name. Im sure if he get married in the future his new wife wouldn’t be OK with sharing her husbands name with his ex. JMO so don’t come @ me.
Talk to people who are using hyphenated name. Can be a real issue filling out forms, mailings. You may not do it because of these reasons. Not because of relationships.
Depends on how many times you’ve been remarried for some that could get long and if he’s not paying almoney why keep it
Do whatever makes you happy. When I got married the first time, I never changed my last name except on my drivers license. When I got married the second time, I didn’t change my name at all. When I got divorced the second time, I changed my last name to my mothers maiden name. There’s no rules about what you should or shouldn’t do with your name.
Make your old current last name your middle name and change your new last name to your fiancé’s
How does your name look when hyphenated. Would they fit on legal documents when you fill them out. Do a pros and cons list. A pro could be that your kids and you still have the same last name. A con could be that it later becomes a problem in your marriage. Communicate with your husband about your fears.
Uh no…lol drop the ex already
I’ve gotten remarried since my late husband passed away and I kept my married name and also took my new husbands last name. I dropped my middle name completely. My late husband and I have kids together and that is another reason I was unwilling to drop my married name.
To me you take your husbands surname and even though you are still friends with your ex husband you are not his wife and what about if he remarried how would his wife feel you still using her husband’s name
I just take my new husband’s name get rid of the exs even if your kids have the name
My friend who is on her second marriage uses all 3 of her last names… maiden, first marriage, final marriage. People do all kind of things… do what feels right for you and your hubs.
Hyphenate both names but if you have any more children just give them you new married name so you will still have the same last name of all of your children
I love the idea! I kept my ex’s name due to it being our children last name.
Do whatever makes you happy, it’s your name.
When my mom married her wife they decided to hyphenated both their last names. My step mom had kept her last name from her 1st marriage and so they both share it now. Weird for some people but works for them. Do what you feel works for you.
Idk to me it’s weird, I’m ready to change my last name back to my maiden name, my boyfriend and ex get along as well for the kids. But everyone is different I’d do whatever makes you happy.
Kids are actually treated different in school if they don’t have the mother’s last name keep it
I did! It works really well. We now have a child together so I have both my boys last name. My want/need to share a name with my children outweighed was so so important to me and my partner was very understanding of this. I don’t view it as disrespectful at all just part of modern life.
Hyphenate the kids last names and change yours to your husbands instead
How sweet and understanding of future husband, if you hyphenated your ex and married name, if thats your connection to family.
I was divorced in July 2016 after 20 years of marriage. I kept my marital name because I had his last name nearly half my life & my whole entire adult life plus it is our daughters name. NOW I’ve had the name longer than I was my maiden name so I’ll continue to keep it however… if I was to marry again I would DEFINITELY drop the name & use my new husbands name only. It’s respect towards the new husband, his family & his name. Plus you can’t move forward clinging to the past. You’ll still be your children’s mother name or no name.
I think as long as he is alright with it then go for it if you want and if not then don’t but if you want to keep the same name as your children then I say hyphenate because you want your new husbands name as well it would not be right to not have your new husbands last name and keep your ex’s last name
You need to let go of the past and move on. If you’re as happy as you say you are then why would you want to keep your ex’s last name also??!! To me it sounds like you can’t completely let go of your ex
I wouldn’t. He may say it’s fine with him but if I were in his shoes I would be uncomfortable. Changing your name to his is one way to shout from the rooftops that your ex is behind you and you’re united with your husband. Congratulations!
I kept my married last name when I got divorced. But since I am going to be getting remarried, I am going to take my fiancé last name. Honestly I should’ve dropped my ex’s name when we divorced because of how toxic our relationship was.
Your the children’s mother because you change the name it won’t change that. I would move foward to your future husband and not hold on to the past
You do what is best for you. If you want to just change it to your new husbands name then do so. It also means a new beginning for you. But whatever you choose has to be what you want.
Or just go back to your main name I know someone that did that she never changed her last name to any of her husband’s last names she kept hers…dont know how that works in incomtax time.
Because it’s the same as your children’s last name I think it’s reasonable. If that weren’t the case then I would think it’s disrespectful. All in all, his feelings and thoughts is all that need to be considered. Blessings on you alls marriage
I took my husband’s last name, because HE wanted me to. It meant something to HIM.
I wanted to keep my maiden name and hyphen his, but it meant something to him for me not to.
It’s honestly up to each individual, but my husband and I are simple people. If changing my name to his meant so much, it was something small I could do, that meant something big to him.
I know where I come from, so it was ultimately not a tough choice.
You can always hyphenate and then if you have kids with him, you don’t have to hyphenate their names you can just give them his last night if you choose so. If your future husband is okay with hyphenating your name, then do so. I don’t see any harm in it
I gave up my ex’s last name when I remarried out of respect and love for my husband whom I’ve been with now for about 39 years. It’s a personal preference and depends on the relationship I suppose. However, I feel it honors the new husband who may very well come to resent the ex being part of the equation later down the line.
I don’t think it would be disrespectful to your fiance, especially since he’s okay with it. Many women hyphenate their last name. I hyphenated my former married name because of my two teenagers who have that last name. When it comes down to it, I think it’s just personal preference.
I have kept both, but no hyphen.
I think you should drop the ex’s last name and start fresh with your new husband’s name. He may be saying he’s OK with it not to cause friction, but most men are honored when a wife takes their last name.
Do what is right for the family. If your new husband is okay with it, why not? But…I would also ask my ex-husband what he thought of the idea.
Do not keep it! Period!
I’m old school and would take just the new last name
You dont carry anothers mans name in a new marriage. No matter what.
If it doesn’t ‘sit right’ with you - then don’t do it.
Do whatever you are comfortable with.
I would keep the ex’s last name until your kids are grown then change it. I changed mine and it would have been so much easier while my kids were young to have kept it the same as theirs.
Just my opinion…are kids girls/boys…because some day their last name will also change …start new
That’s super funky I would take current man’s name
you need use your married name
If your gut says no follow that feeling.
Drop it you aren’t married to him anymore for a reason why would you want to keep the name just because it’s the kids last name. Many kids carry a different last name than their mother. No one will think nothing of it.
Start fresh, new last name only.
Nope. Don’t do it. Move on
I think you should drop the ex name. New beginnings are a treasure. I’m sure you would like to keep it bc the children, but a name is just a name and you have your babies forever. This is a new and wonderful journey in your life, sometimes letting go of the past is a great opportunity to heal & start new adventures. This is something you will need to decide on your own and I’m sure you will. Just pray about it . I wish you all good adventures in your new journey
A lot of people actually do that
What a good man you have . I lost my 18 year old son and bought the plot next to him . When I got divorced I change my last name back to my first husband (the father of my boys) so our name will be the same on our headstones. I don’t think his wife likes it but could really care less .
You may could do what my big sis did! My sister dropped her middle name when she got re-married, so that she had both kiddos last names in her name.
(daughter 1st marriage)
(daughter 2nd marriage)
Stephanie Vice Smith (mom)
I’m divorced but kept my married name as it’s the same as my son, I recently had a baby daughter and chose to give her both my surname n her fathers surname ( her father didn’t like it but I know I did right as we are not together now ) it was right for me and my children but it’s totally your decision x
If it doesn’t feel right to you then it probably isn’t! I can understand why you kept it after divorcing since you have kids, but if you hyphenate then you won’t really have the same last name as them either…just more writing to do hah! That is great everyone gets along and that your fiance is so supportive, just do what feels right for you!
I think that it is AMAZING you all get along, and that it doesn’t affect any of you in any way!. Yiu share the name with your children and you will always be a part of that family. If your current fiance is okay with it then I see no issue. Like that is amazing to me in all honesty. He is understanding that you share the name with the most important blessings you have, your babies…
I think why it doesn’t set right, (in my opinion) is because it doesn’t “sound right” until you share your store behind it lol. But that’s nobody’s business…
Congratulations also on the marriage
I would want the same last name as my children if I had that choice😊
If it was just an ex husbands last name I would say get rid of it but if it’s really important to keep the same name as your children then keep it.
Trust your instincts
If it doesn’t sit right with you, don’t do it.
If your new husband is ok with it then I say why not . But it’s up to you cause your the one that has to choice . Either change it to his last name only or have both names on there .