So I have an almost two-year-old, and a one-month-old. They both have the same father, but when I was pregnant with our second, he cheated on me kicked me out and had treated me like shit since, calls me a stupid bitch on a daily, blocks me for days or even weeks on end and has me co-parent with the chick he cheated on me with, I and she surprisingly get along so it’s whatever… but he hasn’t been involved with the baby at all, my entire pregnancy he didn’t ask how it was going, told me I ruined his vacation by sending him an ultrasound picture of her, wasn’t involved in her birth, and even after I sent pictures of her to his girlfriend he never reached out to ask any questions about her, if she was healthy or even okay, absolutely nothing, and even a month later has still not asked anything about her or seen her, and he literally comes to my home every Friday and Sunday and won’t even look at me. He plays on his phone until I’m done putting our older daughter in the car. He still active in our older daughter’s life; he takes her every weekend. Now my question is, I met a man when I was pregnant, he helped me my entire pregnancy, he came to every appoi,ntment with me, he talked and rubbed my belly all the time, he was with me during her birth and cut her Umbilical cord, and treats her as if she was his, would I be the bad guy for not telling Her about her dad and just raising her as my boyfriend nows daughter? I don’t ever want to explain why her dad takes her sister but not her; I never want her to question anything about him. She doesn’t deserve to hurt over him. All she’s going to know is my boyfriend, so why would I teach her different.
Why don’t you petition the court for your boyfriend to adopt her?
You have an amazing man. This is what true love is.
Woah … that so called dad needs something really really hard between his eyes …
I feel for you ! You seem to be very strong . I’d ask if your boyfriend is interested in adopting the baby ? Maybe relinquish that goofs rights … if not take him for child support that little baby deserves something !
I wouldn’t lie. It might come back later to bite you. Also, the relationship with your boyfriend is still new, he may be absolutely amazing with her but that doesn’t mean it will last. If it doesn’t last he might decide that he doesn’t want to play dad any more.
If you’re set on him being dad, and he is too, try to get your ex to sign his rights away so your boyfriend can adopt her. That way, at least, he is actually her father by law and he can’t just walk away without taking care of things.
You got this hun! You don’t need your boyfriend to stand in. It’s great if he does, but I’m just saying your girls’ father doesn’t want to be a dad and you sound like a great mom. Stop dealing with his girlfriend as she probably won’t last.
As much as you want to protect her now you have to consider how many factors would go into it now of who may eventually tell her the truth or somerhing
Why are you coparenting with the woman your ex disrespected you with? He needs to grow up and coparent with you or not parent at all.
What you need to do is stop him from seeing your oldest child and settle this out in court. The older child isn’t stupid and knows that’s not your boyfriends kid. You’re only going to create a monster down the road if you start lying now and purposely let him separate your kids. What he’s doing is abusive towards you and the children. They’re not toys, you don’t get to pick a favorite and only play with that one
Isit possible he doesn’t believe the baby is his and thats why he acts like that? Also he may want her when she’s older because while she’s young he can’t really take her off as she needs you most
Slippery slope—If your older daughter is still going to be involved with their father, the truth WILL come out! It’s better to just be honest. Lying to your children is never a good idea, it will only create mistrust and animosity between y’all in the future. My mom told me my dad was deceased most of my life. I was 15 when I found out he wasn’t and that he just didn’t want anything to do with me— I felt soooo betrayed. Not by my biological father because I couldn’t have given two shits about a man I’d never met— but my moms lies cut deep and caused a lot of issues in our relationship. Just some food for thought
God bless him. My boyfriend now fiance. Is the only father that my daughter knows. She’s now two. I would make sure of the man before you decide on this. It is going to be weird if one day the dad actually wants to be in her life.
Definitely do not lie! It will be a long while before she will understand anything other than love. Your boyfriend can 100% raise her and be her dad, but lying about her genetics will eventually cause problems.
Being a father isn’t by blood. So, do what you gotta do, to protect your daughter. If this man is willing to step up to the plate, and love your daughter like his own, you got a great man by your side. You can always tell her later on when she is old enough to understand.
Girl… if this is how it is with your baby girl you have every right to try to shelter her from the years of pain he will inflict on her by choosing to be in one daughters life but not the others…
However, He knows he is the father and can use that against you later when she is much older and tell her. Do not lie. It will bite you in the ass. You need to tell him either he parents both children or go to court to have his rights taken away. And if you are concerned that he may be abusive in any way,shape or form towards the youngest one…voice that to a judge. Your boyfriend sounds amazing and I am sure both your daughters will notice this and come to love him. As far as adoption I would at least wait until you are married to this man.
I wouldn’t lie to them if you two break up it would be confusing to the oldest I mean are your kids going to call every boy friend you have dad
My daughter has no idea who her real "father"is he held her once 3 days after she was born and has never seen or asked to see her since. I met a man when I was 8months pregnant and he is her father he has raised her like his own since before she was born. So I’d say no let your gf be her dad and if the other man wants to be that to her some day then you can sit down and tell her what went on and let her make that choice. I wont ever tell my daughter unless somthing happens that i have to tell her.
Sad excuse for a father but, have you done a DNA to prove it to him, that way when child does ask (if new boyfriend leaves then what?) U can show her the test and let her ask him y? Never forget all things that are done in the dark will come to light
Don’t hide the truth. It’s going to be worse in future when she finds out. Let her grow and when she old enough to understand then explain. He may want to take her for visits when she’s older and you can’t tell yourself out of that
Be honest tho. You don’t want to lie like that. That could destroy your kids trust in you.
How old is the new baby? I get why your upset he hasnt asked about the baby etc but i could see if baby is young maybe hes waiting til shes older to be away from mom. I dont know i just know my baby father and i split and im 8 months prego he understands can see and take our two year old out for a day or so but i have made it clear that new baby since will be breast fed he will have to visit with me there until after she is at least 1 or lil older and off the boob.
My daughter is from a previous relationship and he hasn’t been involved since she was 2 months old. My now ex husband is designated as her dad since he raised her from 5 months old. In my opinion, if you have a father that’s absent, and a father figure who is there, the one that’s there is dad. My daughter is now 13 and only has eyes for the man who raised her
NEVER lie to your kid about their parentage. YOU are going to hurt them worst in the end. They will feel betrayed and resentful. It’s great that you have someone that cares for you and your children but DO NOT lie to her and tell her that that’s her father.
No don’t do that because if you guys break up in the future then that’s a whole other drama
Never lie to your kids. A step parent can be a better parent than a bio parent…and that’s ok. This is 2020 not 1920. You dont have to raise your child up to hate a person they dont know…but you do have a responsibility as a mother to not lie to your children. It will bite you in the long run…and could very well reflect poorly on you in your childs eyes.
Move on with you and the kids and don’t waste your time there more men out there would be happy to have you and take care you and your kids be more then happy to have his own little family more then his biological farther wou5 because I have done it and it was never and issues I love her kids and treated them like they were mine and still do it today because you can’t blame the kids Because he just a piece of shit and dead beat dad
No. Absolutely not. My son’s father is rarely around. But I wont ever not tell him about his “father.” My son knows my husband as his dad. But his father is his biological father. I will separate the two meanings the best I can. But no. Absolutely not. Although my son calls my husband dada, daddy, dad. When the time comes, and he asks me about his father. I wont hesitate to tell him. Kids deserve parents who love them but they also deserve to know who their real parents are. When they ask. Or when you deem their old enough.
How long can you possibly have know this new boyfriend? 6 or 7 months? How about waiting for awhile instead of rushing into a new relationship when you just had a baby? Do you have a job? What if this guy turns out to be a dud too? How will you support your children?
I have 3 kids 3 different dads. In my own opinion I couldn’t raise them as someone else’s child. But that’s me. its your child and you know whats best for your children.
Let it be she’s not old enough to know what a father is if that’s her father figure then that’s her father figure but when she’s older she will need to know the truth about who her biological father is
I have two kids with my ex and both my kids know him as dad. But my daughter calls my husband daddy as well. She knows that she has two dads. My son calls him by his name , but refers to him as his dad when speaking to people. They know who their biological father is and loves him very much. But also loves my husband and sees him as a dad.
Let her know the truth, because in the end, she will be the hurt one not you.
If he really doesn’t care why don’t you just see if he will agree to adoption for the youngest?
You’ve got a while before you need to let the youngest know who is or isn’t her dad. I wouldnt lie always be honest but a dad is a man thats there for his child whether blood or not, the biological is just a sperm donor. Also sperm donor shouldnt he able to pick and choose which child he sees, both or none, but saying that the bf is there by choice which will make your youngest feel special as he wanted her and stayed and not because he had too.
That would be kinda hard to do since you have two kids with him and one still sees him. You never know if the father would want to see both his children and he could legally if he wanted too. I feel like your daughter would find out eventually and resent you for lying to her.
Lol you sent his gf a pic of ultrasound… I think I hear it all on this page. Never seizes to be amazed though.
I wouldnt hide it. When shes older just explain to her ok this is your real dad but this is the guy that helped me raise you. And let her make the decision for herself. She’ll know who was there and who wasnt.
He may not want anything to do with her now because she is so little that may not always be the case. What do you tell her if he wants to start taking her as she gets older? Then you have a mess to untangle.
Yes. That’s wrong. She will find out. She will resent you forever. I PROMISE.
I wouldn’t allow contact with your older child either. He’s not a dad, hes a sperm donor. If he wants contact he’ll take you to court, doubtable hell do that. The judge will order paternity tests, child support & maybe visitation of both. But he doesn’t want to be a father. He just wants your oldest as a way to keep in contact with you & make you feel shitty. Block all contact.
People… you dont have to lie to your children to protect them. Please stop doing this, ladies. It’s cruel. Kids are smarter than we give them credit for. It’s important that she knows the reality, and that she is loved by a good man. If you start telling her before she’s even old enough to understand, then you never have to explain it. The first time he takes her sister, you tell her, “That’s the man that put you in my belly, just like your sister. But he wasn’t convinced that he wanted a second gift from me. So I found a man who recognized how special you are. And I gifted you to him when you came out, and he’s your daddy now. And we are all so happy.” And do that everytime he comes around or your other child talks about him. And maybe one day the little one asks a question about him, and you answer it honestly, no matter what it is, or maybe she just “always knows” that man is her biological father, but someone else adopted and raised her.
However, I strongly encou,rage you to marry this new guy before you refer to him as her father, and have him adopt her legally first. Because this is WAY more likely to bite you in the ass if you don’t. Statistically speaking. And it’s not fair for her to be left by 2 men. She may not come back from that. And hold off on having more kids until you’re all really emotionally stable and well adjusted as a family.
Yes! You should never lie to your child about who their father is. Period. My dad was a real piece of shit, but I knew he was my dad and when I got older, I chose to not have contact with him.
It’s your child, you do what you think is right. None of these women’s opinion should matter in how you raise or what you tell your children. You created that life, you brought that baby into this world. You do what you want. However I do agree with being honest with your kids. But ultimately still up to you! Good luck with your situation! And if you want to talk to someone about it, talk to God. He will guide you through this! God bless you!
Don’t lie. He is just your Boyfriend who knows down the road if he leaves too then you lied to her for no reason. Be honest with your child on who her father is. Also why doesn’t he reach out to the little one? Does he doubt paternity? I would make him get DNA test so he is aware he’s mistreating his child and let it be his mistake if he continues. But again be honest with your children
Literally know someone who did this. When the daughter was a teenager and found out her father wasn’t her father and she had been seeing her father pick up the sister for 15 years she went off. Cut off everybody in the family. Kids don’t deserve to be lied too and the truth will come out eventually
Don’t you think it’s a tad early? The baby is 1 month old, meaning you had sex with her real dad last year so you haven’t even been in your new relationship for a year yet
Why would you put up with the name calling your children are young have you ever asked how come he doesn’t interact with your youngest
Yes you would be the bad guy TF
You will have a major can of worms if you are not open and honest with your child about her father. Yes, I realize she is only a month old and she wouldn’t know any better. But is this something that you would want to rehash when/if she found out that your current isn’t her biological father? This will be a bigger upset than her figuring out that real dad is scum. Yes, it’s going to hurt her that he doesn’t treat her the same as her sister. But it’s not going to be you that she’ll be upset with. It will be him. Just be honest and open with her and she’ll form her own opinion about her bio.
I was raised like this. When my mom finally told me it broke my heart. Please, if you must do this, make it known that he’s not the bio dad but tell the child he loves them and chose to be their dad. Don’t wait to tell them
Make him take both or neither.
Sounds like the bio dad may think you cheated on him. I would get a paternity test to prove both kids are his and file papers for support. It doesn’t matter who the bio father is - a child will call a man ‘daddy’ when they are showing the love and attention a father should. Let this play out naturally as your baby does not need to be corrected today. How
you got involved with this toxic man is more important in the long run. I would find a local support group and also start working/studying towards financially being able to care for your kids on your own. No man is going to save you - although it a appears one has stepped in for the meantime.
I’m not in the same exact situation but my oldest sons bio dad isn’t in his life at all, hasn’t been sense he was like 2-3 months old. He’s 3 1/2 years old now and calls my fiancé (father of my second boy) dad. As far as I’m concerned that’s his dad and I don’t plan on telling him different any time soon
Up to you and your situation - just keep on the back burner of your mind if medical issues arise someone will need to know the correct family background - it could cost your child it’s life
I told my son who his biological father was and they spend time together here and there. But my daughters father is the man who he calls dad and is raising him. My son would rather be with my daughters father. Do what you feel is best. But definitely let your child know the truth as soon as she/ he can understand.
So you’ve been with this guy less than 10 months and you’re willing for him to act as ‘dad’ to your newborn?!
WTF is wrong with you?!
I’d never let a boyfriend near my kids until they’d proven themselves to me for years and they certainly wouldn’t be taking dad’s place
Your 1 month old could give two shits about who her dad is. And what if your boyfriend breaks up with you? What then?
It’s up to you. I never knew the man who has always raised me wasn’t my bio dad. They chose to keep it from me because my sperm donor was abusive and on drugs. It’s a personal choice but it didn’t change anything for me
I think you should focus on your girls and not worry about some man you don’t know. You just saw your boyfriend turned on you. I’d think you’d need a break from the dating scene to recoup from that situation.
Be honest. You lie to your kid…they will turn on you when they are older.
Just because bio dad is a douche, doesnt mean you should lie to your child. Be honest and gentle. You haven’t been with this new guy that long…you dont know the outcome of the relationship. I say, NO, do not lie to your kid.
That’s great and all that he stepped up to the plate but remember all things come to light sooner or later￼ good luck
I would give the real dad the option that it’s either both of them or none. Confront him why he doesnt care about the baby. Your bf can be called daddy if he plans on sticking around for both kids but she will need to know that is not her real dad down the road. Good luck
Trust me…it ALWAYS hurts more later and there’s always a later
Do what is best for your daughter. Sounds like the boyfriend is what’s best. But you have to think of her bio dad coming after you in court for a DNA test and rights.
U should be honest with ur children. U never know what the future holds. Most men will not voluntarily take a newborn but when they get older they seem to grow their own attachment. Be honest or it will bite u in the future.
I wouldn’t lie to her and tell her your new boyfriend is her father he can be there for her and act like a father but don’t lie !
Wow. You need to extract you and your children from this environment. Your children deserve better. Go to counseling and parenting classes. Don’t get involved in another relationship for at least a year.
He’ll always be her biological father but tha5 doesn’t mean he has to be her DADDY … i have a “father” i also have a DAD whom i Adore
For a start. Why the fuck are you co parenting with his gf!? He needs to step up or miss out I’m sorry but she didn’t get you pregnant and it’s his responsibility.
Sadly in time someone will. Always be honest, it won’t be easy and at first she will be to Young to even understand but in time explain.
I am in a similar situation. Got kicked out, hell gurl he went to the courts to have me evicted after I told him over 3 times i was leaving… but that’s just me I don’t think any man has any right to treat women and daughters poorly just cause it’s ‘durrr fathur’. Better to do it all alone then beg a grown guy to be a good father to his blood
She can consider your friend her father but as she grows she should be told who her real father is. Most likely she will find out the truth sometime and it we’ll be harder on her than if she grows up knowing the truth
Just tell her when she’s old enough to know. I wouldn’t keep that a secret from my child.
I’d say thats a talk with the guy you met. And see if its a long term thing. If not. Dont worry about guys. That shouldn’t be a focus now.
I t think most men don’t want to take care of a baby. Do the DNA test then apply for child support… He might think baby isn’t his. Been through that until our son was born Twin of his Dad when a baby. Don’t make him take the baby. Two different names for boyfriend and bio dad. Dad and papa ‘so and so’ . What does 2 year old call your boyfriend? I think it early to move in with him though. Just my opinion.
I dont understand why you think it’s ok to live a lie! That child will hate and resent you when they get older for lying.
Vengeance is mine Smith. The lord
What WHAT?! Of course you’ll be the bad guy, we all think you’re the bad guy… Trying to keep the baby’s paternity from her when she and her sibling have the exact same biological father make absolutely zero sense especially coz the bio dad still comes around.