Would this comment upset you?

Would your feelings be hurt, or would you be mad? I work for a school with special needs children. I just went back to work after having my son. I only had five weeks off to spend with my son. My fiance was in an accident while he was driving drunk…and he swore he would never drink again. He lost his job as a truck driver, so he decided that he would just stay home and take care of our son until he was able to find another job. So…I come home from work one night, and he is asking me what’s for dinner? He then looks at our baby and says, “my fiance can’t cook!” Then he says, “Well, Daddy, maybe you should find one that can!” Pretending that my son said this to him. With my hormones being the way they were…I was upset! He has never complained about my cooking before. He offers to cook…we have usually worked together on dinner. I told him it upset me, and he said it’s a joke!! Did I overreact?

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Im convinced that sometimes men seriously do not think before they speak. My BF cracks jokes like this sometimes but only in certain moments and makes me aware that it was a joke immediately. I don’t think you are overreacting. I imagine that was a low blow.

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His ass would be kicked to the curb and be looking for somebody else to be with

I am not sure why the DUI is in this statement. To me I would be more worried about that then the dinner situation

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He sounds like a jerk. :roll_eyes:

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That wasn’t a joke. It was a jab, meant to hurt. Calling it a joke was manipulation.
Sounds like a terrible situation you are in :pensive:

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He’s trash. You already know that you and your child deserve better.

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Me and my husband joke around like this all the time.
I suppose it depends on the dynamic of your relationship.

Also… kinda weird to blow up his spot about drunk driving… doesn’t seem like it was relevant to your question.

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Uhh I’d be pissed at that comment to
You have a reason to be upset he didn’t need to joke that way

Yes!!! you should have said to the baby …maybe I need a new fiance who doesn’t drive drunk! …you weren’t being sensitive…he was being insensitive …I would have been hurt too …you should have played along with the bad (gender role ) joke and said what you can’t handle a baby and cook ??? Then mention how the house looked !!!

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I would’ve said “maybe mommy should find a man who can keep a job” :woman_shrugging:t2:

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Men. :roll_eyes:
That’s not a joke. It’s not funny at all

I’d be upset too. That’s so disrespectful. Its healthy to joke around in relationships, but if u hurt the feelings of the other person, then it’s not funny. My ex used to joke like that me all the time and he used to wonder y I was always so distant from him

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You should be home with your little love rn …he is low for being that reckless nad irresponsible plus not being able to provide…for you during your maternity leave …that would also make me cry…hang in there honey

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Talk to him and see if he really is sorry. Sometimes men just don’t think

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I think it depends on your relationship. My husband and I joke like this constantly. But if its not normal for you guys to joke around like that then I’d be upset.

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Damn!! A lot of you women have no sense of humour :grimacing:

What’s stopping him from cooking?

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Many people Like to joke, but some partners don’t and tells you that it hurts their feelings, then you stop and have some respect, if you don’t your are an abusive bully.
It’s only a joke when both people are having fun.

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let him know to lighten up on the comments like that. Joking or not.

Wow! Good for you for not turning and saying, “Well, Mommy, since Daddy lost his job due to his stupidity, maybe I should get another one.”

Talk to him, tell him it is unacceptable to 1) bring adult issues to your child 2) he should be planning dinner as that is currently his art of his job as a stay at home dad. Then give him a time… if he can’t get his act together within that time… cut him loose.

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Honestly I probably would have said something like well then daddy can cook since he’s home cause he decided to drive drunk. And he can cook from now on since I apparently can’t. Then I would have said to him thanks for volunteering from now on.

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Why are you letting your child stay with a drunk alone?

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I don’t think I’d feel comfortable leaving my
Baby with someone who drove drunk and lost their job on top of that attitude.

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I would’ve replied maybe I need to find a new fiancé that works :woman_shrugging:t3:

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As petty as I am I would’ve said something equally hurtful. You didn’t overreact, just next time play along!

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Extremely disrespectful.

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Nope. That’s an indication to leave.

That’s a joke? :flushed: I would have taken my son & said, “You have 2 hands, why isn’t dinner ready?” This is 2021 NOT the 1950’s. Also, never bring a child in the middle of anything adult related, how old is he? Throw the whole boy out.

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I would’ve just been sarcastic back and replied with “I guess mama needs a new one… hers seems to be defective” :woman_shrugging:t2::woman_shrugging:t2: He probably meant it as joke but hormones post partum don’t care.

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If he can go out drunk driving, why the hell would you leave him alone with your child? I’d be worried about him getting drunk and caring for a child whilst drunk.

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Awe. No, that’d hurt my feelings too.
Did he apologize after saying it was a joke, sorry for hurting your feelings?

The two of you need to run this by a marriage Councelor - can help you set boundaries and to communicate better

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It definitely wasn’t a joke. Tell him to stop being a pussy and speak up if thats how he truly feels so u can address it like adults and come to a compromise…instead of insulting u and threatening to replace u…like what tf. I would be mad too

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That driving drunk would have been thrown right back in his face. I hope you made him cook.
I would also make him get a job, he doesn’t get a free pass to stay home after his actions!

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Maybe you should find a man with a job and clean driving record

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I’d show him the door! No excuse in driving intoxicated!

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Tell him I’ve heard worse from better, then tell him to cook for himself, take the baby and walk out.

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Jokes aren’t funny unless everyone is laughing. Had this conversation with my six-year-old this week. Someone needs to have it with your man child, me thinks. I would be offended.

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Tell him that you’ve worked all day and its HIS job to make [email protected] you did your job for the past 8 hours.

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Pull out a cookbook or go to Kmart and buy him a cookbook no excuses for not pulling his weight as his actions are the reason he is not working…

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Fuck that I would have said well baby told me I she find someone with a job and no addiction issues

I’d be telling him:
Oh. Hell. Naw!
Listen here, you… (insert name, because any time I swear I get flagged :roll_eyes:).

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No!! Eff that, he’s lucky it’s not me because I’d be calling him my house B!tch since he can’t keep a job and it’s his effing job to have dinner on the table when you get home. Livid is an understatement. How do women still put up with men like this??? Throw the whole ass man away and do not get married.

It’s obviously a joke. You’re just super hormonal from having a baby. I would’ve said something sarcastic back to him :woman_shrugging:t2::woman_shrugging:t2:

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Nope. I wouldn’t take it as a joke.

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The drunk driving accident and the comment are 2 separate things. Keep them separate. And…it was a joke. Chill.

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He’s an AWhole and lose him fast🤯

Not a joke. He’s being an ass. Was he drunk? He should make dinner. And to say you can’t cook. Said he’s using your child. You wouldn’t even need to say well I want a man who doesn’t drive drunk.

He sounds like a loser.

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Oh, hell yeah I would be upset! That is so disrespectful!! You did not over react.

He’s not providing for his family. The least he can do is having supper on the table everyday when the provider gets home!!

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I would say maybe I should find a man with a job and cook his own meals 🤷

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Kick him out and lock the door .that is toxic behavior you don’t need around your son or your mental health.

No you did not over react… he’s not working because he got a DUI and has the nerve to make a comment like that is a red flag.

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I’m sorry he used the baby to attack you. That’s not fair at all. As for sarcasm, there’s a line where it’s just being straight up rude.

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Tell the baby “maybe we have to find me a fiancé who has a lot of money to take us out to eat” works like a charm

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This is 100% a punch his beard off moment, cheeky twat can make his own dinner hes got two hands xx

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He’s a drunk driver? Why in the hell are you still with a drunk? You dont need him. Leave him. He got a DUI as a truck driver?
Why is still bumming at the house? Dinner should be done. No excuse.
He’s a drunk. He’s not going to stop drinking. Leave him.

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Jokes are half-meant. He wouldn’t have said that if he didn’t have any thought of it.

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He coulda at least had a hamburger helper or some tacos made. That’s simple.

No, he’s a passive aggressive lazy drunk. Get his freeloading ass out of your house immediately.

I’d be like “That’s because mommy has to work because daddy can’t drive… or work… or cook apparently. I should find one that can.” :joy::skull:

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Nope… people jokingly say things the are thinking but know they should not just say! WALK… you are already doing it yourself anyway!

Personally I would hit back with… ‘oh look, the man of the house can’t provide for us cause he’s dumbass…’ ‘ well maybe Mummy should go find one that can provided for our family & is not a dumbass’
Sorry not sorry!!
Followed by… it’s only a joke if he’s butthurt :roll_eyes:

It sounds like he’s insecure being the stay at home dad and dealing with low self esteem so he’s projecting on you

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It would def hurt my feelings too

You’re entitled to however you feel. It was probably a joke, but if it hurt your feelings then it was an insensitive joke. However, it’s clear this is not a guy that thinks before doing or saying things. You need to think long and hard about whether or not you want a man in your life that makes impulsive, unwise, childish, or dangerous choices… especially with a child in the picture.
Perhaps with all this stress you’re experiencing you should also consider getting in with a therapist. While I don’t think feeling your feelings is an overreaction, I do think it may in part be some form of PPD. That can sometimes cause things that wouldn’t upset you normally to suddenly feel like big problems. If you are struggling emotionally, see your doctor and get a therapist. The 2 of you can work together to decide what needs to change in your life to make you feel better about your situation. Maybe it means taking some meds. Maybe it means doing daily meditation. Maybe it means finding your baby a new daddy, lol. You and your therapist can figure that out together - not Facebook. Deep breaths. You got this, lady. No feeling is permanent. Feel your feelings and don’t ever stop asking him for what you need, whether that’s more sensitivity, or help with cooking, or something else entirely. Don’t ever stop speaking your truth and demanding better.

Psh he should cook if he’s not working

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I’d have been fuming xx

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Your working he’s not he should make it

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Well firstly you can feel however you want. Secondly no one knows the dynamics of your relationship do you all play like that normally?

I wouldn’t be mad because that’s how we are we screw with each other like that all the time, not generally through the kids so to say because that would piss me off we don’t down talk each other to our children but mine are older and would understand.

I would have said hmmm sounds like a good idea maybe Mommy should find one that still has his job … but those remarks would have been followed with both is us laughing. Like I tell my kids it’s only a joke if more then 1 person is laughing !

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Ughh drinking makes everything bad. !

I’d have said ‘that’s funny, my fiance can’t keep a job, or be responsible for his family, or handle his liquor’ and then gone out for sushi and drinks with my baby!

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Yea, you did, you can always use that verse back.

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First, he didn’t “decide” to stay home, he made a childish decision that led to him being fired. Second, since you’re the breadwinner I’d be buying whatever food I wanted and only cooking for myself, if he’s going to be a dbag I’d be petty AF.

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Oh I would of made dinner for him, completely tasteless and burnt. And say sorry “I was thinking of all the plans Ill be making once you attempt to find a better fiancé” :triumph::grimacing: I’m sorry you had to deal with this

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My only question is why isn’t he the one cooking? He did all that bs and stays home now && is complaining about your cooking? Girl I’d of thrown the whole stove at him.

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Hey baby, did your alcoholic dad get a job yet, no, then maybe we should find another one bwaaa haaaa isn’t that hilarious?

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Pardon my language but that was a complete a$$hole move !

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I would have turned and looked at my imaginary friend and said , “oh daddy cant work, guess momma will have to and find a new fiance that works too”.

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Men say the dumbest sh*t sometimes but I feel like it also comes from a place of truth. Men suck!

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Eww, this whole post is a red flag. For one, he shouldn’t have risked everything when he decided to drive drunk. He is immature. Two, he should be helping around the house (cooking and cleaning) , since he doesn’t have a job right now (due to being an idiot) … three, he should never put you down in front of your child or to your child. Joking or not. Four, instead of saying “it was a joke” when you express that your feelings are hurt, he should’ve took more time to make sure that you knew he was joking. So obviously (because you’re posting this) he didn’t… honey I realize you have a child with him, but it really seems like you have two babies on your hands. Not just one. He needs to grow up and be a man, or you need to leave his sorry ass and find you a man that will love you, your baby, and your cooking. He just seems disrespectful and immature. It literally makes me nauseated. I’m sorry you are going through this. :heart:

Sounds like your guy has some problems. Why does he drink? Is he an alcoholic? Is he getting help for his problems and his problem drinking? What are his job prospects, and is he making any effort to find work? I’d think long and hard about marrying this guy.

I’d bet he’s feeling pretty crappy about failing at sobriety, getting in an accident and tanking his career, so is trying to tear you down to his level. His cracks are less about you and more about how ashamed of himself he is. He probably feels guilty he didn’t fix anything for dinner (or feels like he doesn’t know how), and tries to make himself feel better by turning it around on you. Just one more immature decision.

What happens if things don’t change, he never finds work, and he drinks while watching your baby?

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Bottom line is, he’s insecure from his mistakes and doesn’t sound too remorseful for putting his child and mother of child in the position he did. First, he needs to own his mistake, and make actions towards correcting it. I wouldn’t let what he said hurt me. I understand why you did. You wanted to hear hey hunny we missed you, thank you for working and I’m sorry I did this. I will make it up to you by first letting you enjoy the supper I made.

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Wow what a dick. He screwed his life up with a dui and your taking care of him and he acts like this… saying dui because if he wasn’t caught he would still have his job. But anyways if you don’t do anything about this now expect to take care of a lazy loser and wasting years of your life

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Ummmm I would have introduced him to the skillet ( not nicely) and then the front door

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I can’t cook for shit and my bf knows this as well as I do… but he also knows when to keep his big mouth shut. Btw… I would try to find someone else to watch your baby. Sounds like he may have a drinking problem and that should make you very uneasy with him alone with your child.

Probably just joking. I would learn how to cook if I were you though. Just because that is a skill everyone should know.

I would’ve taken the baby and went to get dinner myself out somewhere. That is a horrible thing to say. He’s definitely thinking about leaving you since he tanked his own career and now you’re the one working. Some men can’t handle that because of how “traditionally” it’s the men that work and bring home money. You really need to sit down with him and tell him to get over what’s happened because now he’s trying to make you feel the way he does.

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I think you over reacted, but im not you… so🤷‍♀️

I would have been petty af and said, “maybe mommy needs to find a man who can keep a job” but that’s just me.

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He feels like a total useless peice of crap right now and is trying to make sure you are there too. Don’t let him do that. Tell him flat out to fix himself.

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I would of lost my mind on him and then cried from frustration and hurt.

Also, he’s staying home, you’re working, why is he asking you what’s for dinner when he’s been home all day?

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What are you even doing with this loser?

I think dinner should have been ready when you got home from work!

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I’d have throat punched him and then kicked him in his balls. Loser