Would you be mad if your spouse said you were not equal to him?

Would you be mad that your significant other stated you two aren’t equal because you’re not making money. (Being a sahm.)

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Yes I would. It means he doesn’t value your contribution to the relationship and the household.

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In these supposed enlightened times for to pull out some 1950’s patriarchy on you is rather harsh, start problem solving the situation, if your not comfortable going back to work yet because of the age of your kids then make another plan but either way when it comes to intimacy send him down the self checkout aisle till your equals again

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Depends how he and you look at it. Your not equal in the income aspect. But if your keeping the home nice then he isn’t equal to you either. Relationships arnt supposed be 50/50 it’s defiantly give and take in diffent aspects of life. If he left it would make your life more difficult and if you left it would make his life more difficult
Just my opinion tho every person is different and feel diffent things

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Yes. That would lead me to begin reevaluating whether being in that type of relationship is in my best interest.

I think it depends on the situation and how it’s said. Me as a woman, I feel that being a stay at home parent isn’t equal to a working parent. I have been both and I’m sure I’ll get shit for saying that. I think if it was said maliciously I’d be upset.

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I would never be with someone who felt that way.

So I would likely be really passed by that statement but after my emotions settled I would remind myself. My value and worth is not deemed by my spouse or the people around me.
My value and worth can’t be measured against anyone else’s. I would express how it hurt and then because I’m spicy!!! I would start making a list of the things I do that have value and worth that you are not paid for. I would ask him to what it cost for daycare and a maid and a cook and a nurse.

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I’d agree with my husband and tell him to step his game up so he can be on my level. Although no respectful husband would say that, and if they seriously thought that they would be an ex husband.

Doesn’t matter what he says. A marriage is equal partnership. So you know the truth.

Tell him “You’re right, I work more than you”. :wink: That’ll solve it.

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My ex husband told me that years ago. I went back to school, got a job, and made more money than him. I’ve been at my company 23 years now. My advice to you is get an education, never depend on anyone.

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Where are yall finding these sorry behind men :woman_facepalming: If any man were to say that to me, I’d show him how equal I am and do it by myself. He could kick rocks.

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He is right, you are not equal because being a stay at home mom is harder than any job! He could not do what you do! My husband takes care of our household financially but he also realizes that being a stay at home parent is not for the weak!

Well that’s a big ole red flag!! You and your partner are always equals. It takes 2 to make kids and make a marriage work and it sounds like he fell off the train a while ago.

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A wife goes through pregnancy, child birth, feedings, teething, colic if your baby’s colicky, potty training, parent/ teacher meetings, house work, grocery shopping, cooking meals etc. I would never put up with my husband if he ever said that to me. My husband tells me to sit down, he’ll
clean up after dinner etc even though he worked all day. Marriage should be 50/50. I’m not saying women are better than men. I’m saying that women also work hard

I’m a sahm but my man (together 11 years) says I work every bit as hard as he does. I don’t feel like I do but I’m greatful he appreciates what I do too. You should have that. Everyone should have that

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Ok so since we not equal or on you’re not on his level then his money should be good to pay all bills and let you keep any money you make. Because he thinks different

Would not be my spouse in anymore

I worked third shift. According to everyone i did not have a job. I quit doing chores. Now my house is a disaster

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Everything you do make him pay for before you take care of him.

I would be livid. I’m the reason he’s able to work. Without me to raise our kids he’d have no job lmao. Money has nothing to do with it. Kids need more than money.

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If I wasn’t equal to my partner no matter who earns what I wouldn’t be with them

Mad? I would be more than mad - I’d be straight pissed the f*ck off and not just be pissed, but hurt just as much which makes for a very bad combination. If my spouse said that I was not equal to him and made me feel as though he thinks he’s above me and more superior, then I’d be taking a walk in the other direction and thinking very hard with each step on the marriage.

I would make a list. Find out what type of job you could get and what it would cost per hour. Call daycares and get their rates. Add in the cost of fuel, food, lunches, everything the little one would need etc And show him. I did that and I’d literally pocket $150 after expenses. It made no sense. Haha.

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That is borderline financial and emotional abuse

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Ewwwwww your partner is gross!!!..just cuz you are a sahm you have many jobs wrapped into one…cook cleaner/maid,babysitter,laundry,secretary, just to name a few…imagine if you were paid for each of those…you would be the bread winner NOT your partner…a relationship is supposed to be equal.

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No because Im not equal to him sometimes I’m worth more and sometimes he’s worth more we get this he works to provide money for us to live off of I work at home by making sure house is cleaned and food is made and laundry is done we both watch our children we understand each other he knows he needs me and I know I need him we are a team and have been a good team for 16 years

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Start charging him per chore / care of your children etc. Or get an itemized list of what you do in a day that BECAUSE you do it, he doesn’t have to pay someone else to do. Not viewing you for the value that you are within your home is completely unacceptable. And if he keeps up the idiocy, get a job and split the work within the home with him.

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Yep. I’d make him pay for daycare and I’d go get a job.

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Then he gets to Pay for everything single you do for his worthless self and see how he likes that.

I would stop , doing absolutely everything, except taking care of the kids , maybe he will value you more , do only the kids laundry , only the kids meals , no house work or anything else , see how long he likes it.

When I was a sahm, I truly hated it. I like working. I felt that I wasn’t helping and things were tight. We didn’t get to have Vacas or anything fancy…my husband would never say that though cause he knows how much work it is and he’d never disrespect me like that. If I was in your shoes I’d start looking for child care, get working and save up to get out of that marriage. He can clean & cook his damn self.

Uh yea, let him home for a week while you go to work. He’ll change his tune pretty quick. Hate men like this.

This is the MAIN reason that I NEVER wanted to be a sahm. Some people really disregard how hard that can be. That’s a 24 hour job, so for him to disrespect you like that. :woman_facepalming:t4:

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Nate Nielsen wanna give this a try and see how it goes for you?

My daughter’s father said something similar once. I told him then that his shift starts on Monday, and then I made a very detailed list of EVERYTHING I did that he would now have to do. I stopped doing everything. Worked like a charm and only lasted a full school week.

my husband says so much misogynistic and narcissistic crap I dont even listen anymore

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Show him equal… Don’t do anything. Make sure the kids are alive. But let the house work go. Laundry. All of it.

Ha, SAHM don’t work a 9-5, we don’t get breaks, we don’t take lunches, we have an audience for bathroom ‘breaks’, soooo please if a mfr tell you that, tell him to kick rocks or he needs to start paying you to be a chef, maid, and sitter around the clock :v:t2:

Let him know that you will clean up after the children that can’t do it themselves until 4pm. That takes your time as a parent that you do and the rest is work as payment for the bills he pays. You will clean up after yourself. And wash one of his dishes, cook him a quarter of a meal, and wash only his socks and half of the kids clothes. For half the bills that our paid, thats about how much you would get from a maid and nanny if you gave it to him/her instead of bills. Everything else is up to him. Deep cleaning, taking care of the kids, cooking the rest of the meal himself, and doing his laundry as well as half the kids laundry. Then you will be doing your half as a parent, and as much cleaning and baby sitting you would get from a nanny. Unless you live in a million dollar mansion, half of his pay checks wouldn’t get much for child care and cleaning. If you weren’t around hed be responsible for the rest along with his 50% of parenting.

Now if he recognized your contribution and appreciated what you do then I would never suggest doing that. But he needs to understand that just because you dont bring in money doesn’t mean you don’t work. If you did, it wouldn’t matter how much you guys make together instead of just him because that money would go to someone else to do all the thinks you’re already doing.

Also, I may have forgotten if you mentioned an age of your kids, but if you didn’t then if your kids are 16 and 17 then chances are you aren’t doing as much parent wise during the day as you would if they were 2 and 3. That still doesn’t make it ok to say you two aren’t equal. But you guys need to have a talk as to what you do and why he doesn’t find that equal and fair.

Yes he would have a head ache.

Personally I’d stop doing absolutely anything for him ‘chore’ wise… make him do his own laundry, don’t pick up after him at all, don’t cook him dinner etc.

I hear this damn near every single day.

Start looking for daycare.Get a job and split all household chores and the care of your children. Let’s see how long he lasts

Said to me once and my reply was “you’re right. We aren’t equal. You work one job and get paid. I do multiple jobs 24/7 with no pay, no break, and no privacy. You’re no better than me because at the end of the day, you wouldn’t be able to handle half of what I do daily.” And honestly, he cant. I’m now the sole provider and care taker because 2 hours in to my shift, he asks my mom to get the kids because “he needs a break” :roll_eyes:
Sooo I’m paying for a sitter 3 days a week and my mom has them the other 3 days because daddy can’t handle what mommy did for 5 years.

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But you are NOT equal to him , same way he is NOT equal to you , both have different roles , not being equal does not mean that you guys do not have the same value

I couldn’t imagine saying that to my significant other

I would let him wash his own clothes cook his own meals make his own lunch an so forth see what he thinks then I bet he then would appreciate it a little more you are a help mate not a maid

Yeah I cleaned, did alot of cleaning cooking etc untill the day I was told I don’t do anything for the 50th time that I just stopped doing anything then, no appreciation from your partner will lead to upset, disrespect, and arguements I literally stopped doing it all to get an apology but I never did because they don’t realise how much you do untill you stop doing it

Tell him fine, you’ll get a job but he gets to pay for daycare and start doing his part of chores since you’ll be working “equally”, he’ll have to contribute to the housework “equally” as well. See how fast he switches up. Or like others suggested, do some research on what it would cost to hire a babysitter/daycare, how much is would cost to hire a cleaner, how much it would cost to hire an in home cook, and send him an invoice of all the work you do.

I’ve been there. That’s what my ex told me before I divorced him.

Ask them to pay for childcare. After childcare is established, you’re free to also earn an income. Try to aim for a job with higher salary than they earn. Problem solved.

Even if you cannot earn higher, you’re now also an earning spouse in the relationship. There shouldn’t be any difference between you two.

I’d say let’s switch roles then

I wouldn’t be mad…I’d be furious.

Time to get a job girl. Make him pay for childcare

Quote out daycares.
You want me to get a job? Bet. I will. This is what you’re gonna pay in childcare. Is it even worth it?
That’s exactly what I would say and do. Then I’d do all my motherly tasks and leave the wifely tasks on the back burner.

He is right! You guys are not equal! You do a lot more than he does! You have little humans to take care of plus him! Being a sahm is tough!!

So, tell him that you can go to work but he will need to hire a housekeeper and a Nanny. Get the cost of those and tell him you want a damn raise!