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QUESTION:
"I’m really struggling here… and not sure how to handle this. A little background is my husband came from an old-fashioned family. Women cook, clean, and pretty much cater to men, I didn’t. Well, his family has always been hard for me to get along with but I go out of my way to try and keep a good relationship. We went over to his sister's house and he kept saying some pretty crappy things about me. One being that to defend the dog I’d lick liquid off the ground to see if it was pee or wine that someone spilled. I was pretty upset but after he got mad at me and I just told him to finish the night and went on. Well, tonight he did the same thing multiple times. Only the last time I was in conversation with one of the in-laws about something to do with hairstyles (what I do for a career) and he says oh god let’s just hurry and change the subject so she just shuts up. Or she’ll just go on forever. I was pretty hurt by this because 1. We ALWAYS TALK ABOUT THEIR CAREERS and I can’t relate so I usually just get left sitting there. 2. I was talking with the girls while the guys were talking to each other. I stopped talking and just kinda got on my phone because I was pretty embarrassed by it. Then he says oh got now I hurt her feelings lord I apologize and here we go again. I was pretty much in tears at this point so I got up and left. Just waiting out in the car until they were done. Well now the tables turned once again and I’m the one he’s pissed at. I’m the one who “embarrassed him” and he says I need to grow up and stop being so fragile and childish. This only ever happens around his family. And I’m left to either apologize or deal with him being like this until I “forget it”. But he always will take it pretty far with a fight if I even try to be reasonable about this. Am I being childish, or too sensitive? Or is that something others would feel pretty offended by?"
RELATED: Q&A: Am I Wrong For Cutting Out My Sister In Law?
TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"There were no need for those comments, so yes I would be offended. If he was talking to the guys while you were talking to the girls there’s no reason for him to be piping in. He should be happy to see everyone getting along and talking. & I would’ve told him to not even apologize when it’s not real. He’s your husband, he should be supportive & loving. I don’t know how you deal with him, but I hope you know you deserve way more then that."
"Just curious, is alcohol involved in all of these get togethers? (Does not excuse the behavior in ANY WAY AT ALL) My dad was a very emotionally abusive person and LOVED to bash/embarrass my stepmom in front of company/family! You are absolutely not too sensitive! No good husband would EVER intentionally embarrass or downgrade his wife like that! Especially in front of people! You deserve far better my dear! My partner and I are a united front at all times when around others! We love and respect one another enough not to throw one another under the bus, call one another out or anything like that around other people! It is a respect issue! He clearly doesn’t have love and respect for ypu and that is not okay!"
"P.S. nothing is “old fashioned” about what he is doing! It is plain disrespectful and rude!"
"You’re entitled to your feelings. Regardless if that’s his family. And it doesn’t matter how he was brought up how old fashioned he is. He is your husband your partner he doesn’t have a right to make you feel like that. He’s the one that needs to grow up and realize that you have feelings and what he did was wrong"
"It’s called deflection. He is an insecure @$$hat"
"Talk about your dreams hopes and careers to someone who deserves to hear it! And no offense at all babe but it sounds like he definetly does not! You deserve to be treated with same respect u give."
"This is emotional abuse"
"You deserve someone who supports you"
"A partner should never degrade his wife. A real man lifts her up, when they are in private and when they are not."
"It sounds like he puts on a show for his family and that’s completely childish and disrespectful."
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