I would take it very very slow. My husband has been to prison before & if you met him now he’s a completely different person so I do think people can change but just take it slow. For your safety but also your kids. Hang out with him, see if you get any weird vibes. I’m not saying I would date him, but I would take the time to get to know him again & see how you feel about things. Also, it’s kind of a big step but if he ever meets your friends or your sister, see what they tell you about him. Some people get a bad feeling before you’re able to.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Would you consider dating this guy? - Mamas Uncut
No. Run. I made this mistake and am now the 3rd one to have a restraining order against him. Experience has shown me to believe the other women. It isn’t easy to get one and you have to pay for it. People don’t do this just for fun especially 2 women. This is a pattern. Take note from these other women’s experiences
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I got a protective order on a crazy guy stalking me sending me messages and phone calls. And I had to prove it all with phone records 
So it seems weird that they would grant that without any proof. Edit to add: I had to testify and swear under oath in a courtroom and show all the messages and read them out loud etc and play the voicemails
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Having worked with domestic violence survivors and the courts in getting protection orders he is minimizing what really happened. My question would be “what led up to you saying such a horrible thing to your child’s mother?” Not getting along is not an excuse to say that. There is a lot more to that story. As for the 2nd one it sounds iffy. If she sent him a text saying the protection order was a Christmas gift she violated the order that she placed on him so she may be one that lied to get what she wanted. Sometimes protection orders are granted for silly stuff. It depends on the judge and how they handle domestic situations. The court that I worked with never granted them unless there was prof of physical abuse. The county I live in handles them out regardless of the situation. My advise is to go on a date but only in a public place. Ask him again in person and hear his response (rather same or different), watch his body language, and if he looks at you directly when answering. Being a teacher I know you can spot when someone is lying because students do it all the time.
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No - I feel like these are huge red flags that can’t be ignored. So personally I’d not go there.
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From personal experience I’d say nope! It’s a red flag.
I only wish I would have listened to the people telling me not to date this guy. 10 years, 3 kids, cheating, and a bunch of abuse later.
Could have save myself 10 years of heartache
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Speaking from experience, it’s never as innocent as they make it sound, especially involving more than one incident with more than one person. One being his own son. There is a reason they issued those charges.
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I personally wouldnt. 2 separate charges? Despite his explanations, youre only getting his side of the story and there has to be more than that for the charges to go through.
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I wouldn’t even chance it. You ha e children to think about. Your kids and your safety is more important than allowing someone in your life that you have lost contact with for years. People change . People can also hide who they truly are to others. You never trulyknow what goes on behind closed doors.
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Those would be big red flags despite his explanations
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Soooo you think he’s just very unlucky and two crazy women back to back just did this to him? Not a chance. Do not take advice from someone who “knew”him as a kid either. Just run and don’t ask any more questions
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Regardless of the second issue- he admitted to saying they need a bullet in their head… and they way it’s presented in this paragraph… it didn’t sound remorseful but more like he was justifying why he said it because they don’t get along… and that’s no excuse to say something so awful. I would feel unsafe and would not want my child exposed to that mindset.
No matter how angry a person makes you feel… murder suicide is not the answer and it’s not a term you should throw around during an argument to try and win. If you think that’s okay please seek help.
Tbh that’s a few red flags for me. I have also come out of a nasty relationship and this has made me a little more protective of myself. Sadly maybe a little judgemental when it comes to my choices in men.
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Absolutely not. No way, no how. You have to be able to document things for court orders, they don’t just hand them out repeatedly for no reason. Protect yourself, your heart and your children. Tooooo many red flags.
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Most likely not - “both needed a bullet in the head for son’s sake because they can’t get along.” is the red flag for me. Either a drama queen or a passive aggressive emotionally controlling loser. Remember, Ted Bundy’s friends, coworkers and bosses all thought he was a great guy too.
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If he isn’t giving you weird vibes I say give him a chance try the date see how it goes and if you decide you just wanna be friends then let him know if not then just take it slow and see where it goes
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Absolutely not. Walk away from the situation for your sake and more importantly, your children.
Yes women try to ruin men a lot if you get a sign just stop good luck much happiness
Don’t be naive. He sounds manipulative. And for anyone to say that to their child’s mother no matter the circumstances is messed up in the head.
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Charming to everyone around him until you get closer to him or behind closed doors… Red flagsss… Bc of course hes gonna downplay those charges when asked. Don’t do it.
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It gives me bad vibes just reading it. I’d give it a lot of thought. And don’t let him meet you at his house if you decide to continue. I’d keep him at bay for awhile. Like 6 months lol maybe longer
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Definitely be cautious one thing is the persona he has with the public and another when he’s with partner . Yes you are correct there are vindictive people out there that will go to extreme to ruin the life of another even swearing under oath to a crime that was not committed towards them . Background checks are always a must .
Your life your choice. You have a knack of reading people being a teacher.Though he has come forward about his misdemeanors but is it enough. Your investigation will determine if he is right for you but to do that you become untrustworthy to him so once bitten twice shy .
Run.
Yeah,it takes proof for charges… and 2 different women… sounds like big red flags to me.
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I would not go any where unless it was a group of friends maybe double date or something u have to protect urself he should understand if not theres a problem
Give him a chance for sure , my husband did 4 years in jail for assault ect and it changed him for the better (this was all before I even met him) and now we have 2 kids and he is the sweetest most loving person ever and I honestly didnt imagine him being like that but he said thats another him that is in his past, we’ve been together 5 years now
Hey being someone that has lived in threw it my whole life people change all the time this ain’t high school if he can’t look you into you eyes and tell you the truth and you will know if he does run as fast as you can and don’t let him no where near your kids
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Don’t believe anything you hear and only half of what you see.
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He is claiming not guilty on 2 different charges. That’s a red flag. Almost sounds like this is what he does, and how he reels women in. Now if he were to say “yes. I said my sons mom should be shot out of hated, I have taken anger management classes and have grown from that” blah blah blah. Then maybe. I do believe people can change if they show they are taking action on their actions.
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I do believe everyone has a soul mate. So I can understand why you think you might be different. But with kids in the picture, and he has a kid and court orders with his sons mom etc I just wouldn’t. Seems he won’t change.
They are red flags, but only yiu can decide
SB. I see a lot of comments on how it’s not that easy to get a protection order. It may depend on where you live, but it does depend on what you say. I’ve had to get 2, and I guess luckily for me, it was very easy to do with just the explanations I gave for needing them. No proof needed(although I was prepared with proof if needed)
It’s not easy to get a protection order. A lot has to be proven with solid evidence. I wouldn’t risk it, especially since kids are involved.
Women do lie and judges have done things just by the word of a person.If these women were convincing enough then mistakes can happen.You could always go to the court house and look up those cases and get more info…I definitely would just stay friends until you get it.Your life and your children’s life isn’t worth it.Sorry these days you just don’t no
Honey they don’t just hand out protective orders that easily. She had more proof that he was dangerous other then him simply saying (we both need a bullet in our head" my ex husband stalked, texted , threatened and I had police reports, screen shots and videos and the judge still denied me THREE times because he changed his number the day we had court (he had sent me texts the night before). This man is dangerous and is just playing the “IM INNOCENT THEY ARE CRAZY” card. I bet if u could find more women who dated him they’d say some crazy things too. U said it yourself people change. RUN !
First off, you can’t just claim that someone said something threatening to you and get that person convicted. With freedom of speech laws in this country (unless you are outside the US which may be different) you would have to prove it with documentation and it would have to be more than once, as in a pattern of behavior. If he said that about putting a bullet in someone, that’s freedom of speech and is allowed unless it’s a pattern of it being threatening speech. Secondly, he’s showing a pattern. Having one conviction on your record, there is still some plausible deniability and could be a freak occurrence, but 2 convictions of the same pattern of behavior…I would say don’t do it. Other people might think he’s a great guy, but I’ve dated a “great guy” according to my friends and others, who turned out to be controlling and abusive and my worst nightmare behind closed doors. Get out before you find out what the others did and it’s too late.
No. You are recently divorced, spend some time being single first.
I wish I’d looked up my ex or even his ex’s came forward sooner.
Even if he won’t meet the kids any time soon, it will still have a knock on effect. So I personally wouldn’t.
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You have kids to think about. Why chance it when 2 different women have brought charges against him. He will lie to get what he wants. You are asking for trouble. I would leave it alone and move on. Once you let him in, you might not be able to get him out
Def not. Two charges from two women? Of course a crazy guy would say it wasn’t him.
I would give him a chance. Meet in public places at first. Women can be sneaky and nothing is worse than a woman scorned. When I was drinking, 4 years sober, I did some horrible stuff to hurt people who rejected me. Take it SLOW!!
Nope. My intuition is tingling with this dude. I wouldn’t get involved.
Idk. My ex husband had 1 domestic violence change when I met him from
His first wife that was actually bullshit and he got a second charge from a mean voicemail he left her saying she needed to get her shit together cause their 6 month agreement was almost up to go back to court for custody. I was with him when he made the call and they got him for DV-harassment by communication. On paper he looked like a freaking nightmare and a wife beater but that wasn’t the case. Maybe get a copy of the actually police reports since it’s public record and see what actually happened? If it’s what he says, then you know, if not, run! 
I’m seeing red flags 
Have you ever seen dirty John if not definitely watch it cause this guy sounds just like John on the show and that’s not a good thing.
If it were your just you I’d say if you feel confident about him then go out with him and see what happens.
BUT since you have kids I say a big ole fat NO. The comments about a bullet in the head shows what kind of mind he has and where his mind goes. His answer to issues is violence and hatefulness. Your kids do not need this,plus this is probably not a person your ex would want around once he finds out the guys history. Nor would you if your ex started going out with a psycho woman that your kids might interact with a some point.
You can’t go by anything anyone says…you have to feel him out for yourself…
He sounds like a manipulator just be careful they don’t charge someone without evidence.
Dinner yes…date???idk maybe keep it casual for awhile.
It’s a would YOU date this guy? Our feelings aren’t yours.
Trust no one. You have to PAY ATTENTION to the red flags babe, not just gaze at em. You got too many kids to be running them through this type of shite.
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Hope he dnt know where u live or work. Hes probably already been watching u. Maybe i watch to many LMN movie’s. Either way i wouldn’t do it. 1 date sounds like he will b hooked and obsessed! Tell him ur just not ready to date. Then slowly back away.
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It’s a big time red flag. I wouldn’t date him
Only if you want to put them 4kids thru HeLL! He probably sought out a desperate reach…
ThankGod you got a smart sister but if the person has to ask then sister best get ready for the ride toH:police_car:
e:police_car:
LL! …
I wouldn’t, but that’s me. 
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I would give it a shot— good luck!!
Just make sure that if you do go meet , you need to have an exit plan available in case things get weird
Not on your life…the handwriting is on the wall
This reminds me of the show(You). Runnn…
Sorry, keep yourself safe. This is red flag city, no reason for one person to have two charges by two different women for the exact same issue. He falls hard, falls fast, and won’t let go until it’s legally required for him to. You don’t need this stress.
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Read over the letter we read. You will find the answer on your own
I’d be forgetting I ever knew him if I was you…
When you have children to protect, how is this even a question? Put your kids first!!! Ain’t no man worth endangering your kids lives and I definitely wouldn’t be taking any chances tryna find out.
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I wouldn’t chance it
Just becarfull role do change from hi school
Ask around. AND LISTEN!
Red flags! Don’t do it
no…he is a narcissist and you are the target of a game he is playing…stay away from him.
Don’t be stupid! Red flags. Wait for the right man. Do not settle for someone like that. That is what so many women do, because they think they have to have a man… Don’t be stupid!
Red Flags:triangular_flag_on_post: Please tell me you’re not this naive! 
Protect yourself and your child and walk away
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Wolf in sheep’s clothing
Are you crazy? The red flags are literally waving right at you. Of course he’s going to give you some BS reasons, all psychopaths would give you some BS reasons. No judge in their right mind is charging him for these things based on what he said happened. Doesn’t even make sense. After you end up pressing charges against him for stalking and harassment, he’ll be off telling some other dingbat a nonsense story about why you pressed charges against him too.
Other people can’t vouch for him unless they’ve been in a relationship with him. Work him isn’t the same as relationship him. Great kids can turn into sh!tty adults, I don’t even know why his childhood matters. You sound desperate, abort mission. This will not end well.
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Guys love to “sugar coat” their domestic abuse charges.
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Don’t do it. For the amount of fish in the sea… don’t choose this one. Red flags…
Red flags galore! Sounds like a complete narcissist to me.
Go for if just proceed with caution.
If u gotta ask u already know
I’d stay away from it.
Wow how judgemental people are
One. Maybe. Two. No thanks
RED FLAG!!!
Don’t be naive. Sounds like a manipulative narcissist to me.
That seems shady af.
Don’t ignore the red flags 
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Hell to the mother f***ing no! Run
If it was one charge yeah but 2… no
Red flags all over this.
One charge…maybe…Two…NO
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The comment about the bullet to a child’s head should of put you off, as a mother yourself!
They are always sweet and send good morning text always charming…at first. That’s their lure. You’ll see his true colors if you ignore all the red flags…protect yourself and your babies.
No. I think you are trying to tell yourself he’s a good guy…but you have this evidence of him doing awful things. Your 4 kids should be your priority, I wouldn’t bring him near or around them at all.
Lots of men out there, wait for a better catch!
A big fat NO! Other posters have explained beautifully why this scenario screams Red Flag. Run!
Worst case scenario (true story)
Reconnected with a guy I had a huge crush on in junior high…chatted, talked & decided to meet for lunch…ZERO RED FLAGS.
He called me the morning we were meeting , told me how excited he was to be seeing me…all was good.
He was waiting for me when I got to the restaurant. Brownie point not making me wait. Conversation was easy, lots of laughs. All was fine until I realized he was three beers to my 1/2 martini…maybe he was nervous???
Asked him what he had been doing with his life for the past 30+ years…he told me he had spent 25 of them in prison!!! 18 for the attempted murder of a police officer; he had planted a bomb in a police car. The other 7 for DUI.
As I very quickly and politely tried to finish my lunch to get out of there, he asked me for a second date…to meet him at the hotel next door and to bring him a bottle of tequila!!!
RUN.
I’d take those as red flags. Just because that’s not how people remember him doesn’t mean he didn’t do those things to spouses. People can hide things in public. It’s hard, because you don’t want to judge him, either, but I wouldn’t want to be the next one risking a protection order. Prayers
What do you want to do?
There is a chance he isn’t a bad person and is telling the truth. If you want to go out with him maybe meet him somewhere and that way you have a way to leave if you don’t feel comfortable or safe…or maybe set up a BBQ with a bunch of friends so you’re not alone with him until you get to know him…check him out by contacting some of his friends and co-workers…just take it slow and if there is any weird vibe get out…but he might be the best thing in your life if given a chance
So give him a chance really what’s it going to hurt why be negative when we all have been accused of things with out people willing to hear our side. You’ll know if something is wrong after a date
Don’t do listen to your sister I trying telling my daughter this she got caught up with this any other stuff she lost her children it’s sound harsh but it true plus I’ve been through dv many years ago
No……RUN! He can be really nice for a while! Avoid this guy at all costs!
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Nope. Where there’s smoke, there’s fire. RUN.
Nope. Never take a chance like this when children are involved.
The fact you are posing this question here means you are not listening to your gut
I think you should go out to dinner with him but keep him at a distance so work and home is your life, and maybe dating him is totally separate and casual you seem mature enough to work this out 
Ask him if you can see his court papers
I would but I love red flags. 
Girl absolutely not. First of all fuck a high school fling the last thing you need to do after a divorce is get in a worse situation than you were before, also think of your child! I would absolutely never date someone like that knowingly and put my child in harms way. Men always have a story when they have crazy shit on their record and I’m 100% sure he’s lying on why he did it. Red flags everywhere he sounds crazy.