Has the number of children you wanted ever caused you to leave a relationship? My SO is 10yrs older and has two children from a previous relationship, and we’ve been together for five years. We see his kids less than half the time. We have a child together but one day when he was really “stressed” He said he didn’t want another child he wanted to be down with the two he has… He said he didn’t want to start over because babies are a lot of work. He eventually apologized, but I feel like he just said sorry, so there wouldn’t be tension in our relationship.I’m just hurting because our child is a year old and how can he say that when he has another child already. I made it clear at the beginning of our relationship of how many kids I wanted, and he never never said anything about not wanting any more kids… I’ve worked hard for this relationship… And now I feel like I’m just wasting my time…
Been here my ex husband had 2 kids and I had 2 children I heard him say he wished it was only me he was a louse 11 years wasted in my life
If he said it in the moment he seemed stressed, I wouldn’t push the topic right now. This is definitely a topic that does need to be brought up at some point, but not now. Depends how strong you feel about having more children. Can you deal with his wishes if he doesn’t want anymore kids?
No but it’s understandable. You two don’t want the same things in life.
Well I would take my baby and move on. A lot of women take care of there own children and work also. Good luck. Good bless.
I think a compromise should have been made a few years ago. In this case it’s 50/50. He is 10 years old with two other kids. You are younger and just had your first. I can understand both sides.
Keep in mind, people say things they don’t mean when they are upset or stressed. He may not mean any of it. When you both have cooled down, have a conversation about kids and see what he really thinks in the right mindset.
My sister and her husband are 12 years apart (he’s older) and neither of them wanted kids but then she started to change her mind. He had two kids from a previous relationship as well and also didn’t want to start over. Then one day he asked her if she wanted kids, she said yes. They agreed and boom now she has 2 yr old twins lol. It could be an ongoing conversation.
I don’t think that’s a reason to leave someone. In all fairness between the two of you, you have three. They are still yours even if you didn’t give birth to them. But it’s a personal choice people have to make. Maybe down the road he will change his mind. I’m always grateful for the amount of kids I do have. Some people can’t have any and some of us struggled horrible to get the ones we do have.
10 years older? Children are a lot of work. He might be getting tired the older he gets.
If the relationship is good and he treats you good then think long and hard about throwing that away. He’s allowed to change his mind about more kids
I don’t want more kids and my fiance does but he’s not going to leave me over it he loves me. Seems like he’s set in his life of what he wants kids wise and considering the age gap it doesn’t seem unreasonable. If you love him make it work talk about adoption maybe an older child so the baby work isn’t needed? You also have to think children cost alot of money. I don’t think it’s worth leaving someone over. Not loving him would be a reason.
People change and peoples minds change… I agree that he is a littke bit older and maybe he just wants to relax now, not chase a a little one around with sleepless nights ya know? Is he super in love with you? Is he content with what he has and just wants to spend time with you? I wouldn’t throw your relationship away over not being able to have more babies. What about adoption? Fostering? Animals? So many children in the system that need families and homes…
That’s 100% up to you. Do you feel like you are wasting your time? Do you feel like he said it out of anger,stress,or just combusting his feelings? Would you be able to be ok with just having 1 child ? Like you are the only one who can answer this. I’m sorry you about the tension of opposite thoughts.
My fiance has two children while I have none. Now I love his two kids just as I would if they were mine but I still want to be able to have a child one day. We talked it about before and no, he didn’t really want more kids but he told me he loved me and didn’t want that experience to be taken from me so he is willing to have another child. You probably just need to sit down and talk one day, he may have not meant it. If you really love each other, that’s not a reason to leave someone especially when you already have one child together if that’s the only reason why you’re thinking of leaving.
I think it’s honestly up to you and what you want out of life. He’s entitled to not want any more just as you are entitled to want more. Things should’ve been made clear… but things can also change, people are allowed to change their minds. Would you consider adopting an older kid? Like 4 or 5?
If him not wanting more kids is a deal breaker then it’s pretty normal if you wanted to move on.
Many times I see this as a conversation that should have been had earlier, but… He my have agreed before and after having one is realizing how much work it is again and that he doesn’t know if he can handle that. He’s not saying he doesn’t want your current child or that he doesn’t love that kiddo, just that he doesn’t know if he wants to do it again.
Sit down at a time where you both aren’t stressed and talk about where you’re both at with it. Is there a specific concern he has that you can address? Do you have a reason for wanting another kid? You guys can talk about this without it being a a relationship-ending deal, you just have to hear each other out and compromise
If I still wanted kids and he didn’t, yes I leave because that is a dealbreaker for me. That is a choice you have to make for your self.
I understand both sides. I have two and I don’t want to do it again, but if having children is something you know you want and couldn’t imagine never having at least kne then, yes…I’d leave.
I mean not everyone wants the same things. Sometimes as time goes by people change what they want. If it was the other way around and you really didn’t want anymore but he did how would you feel if he left you because of that.
Nvm him not wanting anymore children…I would be more upset w him not acknowledging the baby u actually do have together. Stressed or not, forgetting 1 of your own is a shot to the heart. It can be worked on cuz maybe he didnt mean it cuz he was stressed (about having more kids), but if u are adamant about wanting more kids, then u might have to exit the relationship…but also take into account that u would have to start all over yourself and get yourself comfortable w someone again to have another child…so that alone may take some time (depending on how long u r single for). But if u are happy w your baby, him, n the kids he has already from previous relationship, then I think it isnt worth leaving…again, u need to reevaluate what u need opposed to what u want! If he is 10yrs older than u, then maybe he is done…Back to what I said to begin with, I’m more salty about him not including his 3rd child in that heated moment regardless. I just dont see an excuse for that.
I didnt want anymore kids bcuz when i got with my so he had 4 and i had 4 all fulltime 24/7
…ended up with #9 by surprise. I would say ur gonna have to either compromise or leave to make ur self happy.
3 kids is a lot Lots of $$. Kinda seems like your not married to him. Once you started dating him his kids became part of your world
Number of children would be a deal breaker for me. Especially if it was discussed early in the relationship and he later changed his mind. I wouldn’t go ok staying in a relationship where I didn’t feel complete and part of that for me is having children.
You two need to have a long and serious talk to decide if you 2 love each other enough for him to father more children or for you to stop at only 1 child. Dont wait until baby number 2 in on the way and then decide to split up.figure it all out now. Have a real grown up talk about it.
Dont leave over it. Sometimes people are scared. He might be scared that you leave him and take the kids. Guys need a relaxing time. Stressed people say things they dont mean all the time
If u feel like ur wasting ur time then leave and find a younger then 10 yrs older then . Find a man who wants a bigger family like u do
It’d be kind of mean to leave but I think I would if I wanted more kids. Its not fair for you either if your desire is to have more.
You probably are wasting your time.
Um ask him what he wants to begin with not us… Than maybe go here after talking about it… Just an idea…
My husband didnt want more at.first. I told.him it was a deal.breaker with me. So we stayed friends for few.months then we started dating and he said we could try for another. I’m thrilled.
Maybe he doesn’t want another one soon. He could be stressed out about financial of it all. This is something you both need to discuss. Come to a compromise or maybe leave so you can have your happiness of more.
Talk abt it again. If u think he meant it then walk if u feel rhe need to ut if u think he jist said it because he really was stressed and the words just flew out his mouth forgive him and move forward
I’m going to be honest- you started dating someone 10 years older than you, who already had two children. So you guys only have one, but he has 3. Everyone is different, but I don’t want to be 34 having children; maybe he just doesn’t want to have children at his age or the financial responsibility. In my opinion, if we already had one child together and my so didn’t want more (knowing he had 3 total), then no, I wouldn’t leave. But that’s me. You need to decide if it’s worth leaving. Make a list of pros and cons maybe?
My dad had 5 kids before him and my mom got together, he told her he didn’t want anymore kids. Well they had me and he was happy after he found out my mom was pregnant. They never had anymore but that was not from a lack of trying. He decided after I was about 2 that he did want more but it just never happened. My mom had medical issues that they didn’t find out about till I was 18.
If you want your own child then you need to run, not walk, out of that relationship as fast as you can. You can’t force him to have another but he also doesnt have the right to keep you from being a mother to your own child
You got with a guy 10 yrs older, who already had 2 kids. You guys got together, and had a baby. Now, there are 3 kids. That’s a lot. He isnt as young as you are and if he is happy with 3 kids, then that’s it. Maybe revisit this conversation once your 1 yr old is a little bigger. You JUST had the baby lol. Give him time. Maybe he doesnt want one NOW, maybe a year or two from now he will be ready again. Kids cost a lot of money…so having 3 already, for him, is hard financially. If u love him, you will have a little.patience and show understanding. Talk to him. You two need some big time communication and openness.
I would never force my husband to have more kids if he didn’t want to, but that’s just me. marriage is all about communication and if he stated he doesn’t want anymore kids his mind is probably already made up. And I thought I was crazy. I feel bad for your SO.
Leave. You cant make someone want what you want. Its not fair to expect someone to have more children if they dont want anymore. Maybe you will find someone who wants more kids.
Don’t make him do something he really is not comfy doing right now. Just sit down with him when emotions are calm and talk to him. Tell him how you feel about more kids and let him talk about his feelings on more kids too. Things are said when emotions are high that people don’t mean (it happens to everyone). Maybe see if another child can happen in a year or so, having 2 kids close in age is hard and stressful. He might want to put a couple of years between the youngest 2 but thats something y’all have to talk about.
talk to him. find out what he wants and what you want that is the only way to go.
Maybe go to marriage counseling to help you both articulate what you’re afraid of.
Are you substantially contributing financially to the family? Think about activity fees, day care costs, college expenses for four children. That’s a lot.
And see how you feel about more kids after a year of little sleep or when the “terrible twos” or “threenager” years hit!
My goodness your baby is only one give the man some time he only said it once and your ready to leave? And he apologized Are you with him just to have kids? Leaving him for that reason alone seems kinda selfish .How will your child you already have together feel? You might need to give it time and get Him to understand how much another child means to you. But people throw good relationships away to easily these days.If that’s the only real problem you have. You can also try a counselor.
If he Doesn’t want anymore than I’m afraid he doesn’t want anymore. Everyone is entitled to change their mind and to him 3 kids maybe enough.
My partners son was 8 when I met him, and the more serious we got we began to talk about children. I made it clear I wanted children of my own, at first my partner wasn’t sure if he wanted another child but we was only 6 months into the relationship so we agreed to talk about it at a later date. Around 8/9 months we started talking about getting a house together and saving for a deposit.
I told him I’d love to move in with him, but he needed to understand that as much as I loved his son I still want a child of my own. This he had always known and had thought about, luckily he said after thinking about it he wanted and was prepared to have a child with me however he only wanted the one. He didn’t want to have three children. For me, this was perfectly fine because it showed that he truly did care for me and my feelings. The only other thing was that he wanted to wait until we had a house and had been in it for 6/9 months. After 6 months of having our home we talked again and agreed that I could have my coil removed in a couple months. We now have a beautiful baby Boy along with my step son. That is is, that’s our family. I see both of them as my boys. And I truly think it as if I have two children.
It’s hard but sometimes relationships are about compromise, I know sometimes we have the instinct to want children or more children and I’m sure at some stage the thought will cross my mind. I know it won’t happen but I would never leave him over it because at the end of the day we are a family and he has every right to now want anymore children. I’m afraid your partner has that right too z
Talk to him, and figure it out. But in the end, yes I’ve know people who will leave their partner because they didn’t want kids. Do what makes you happy! If that means having more kids then so be it. Find someone who shares that same interest! Good luck!
Babies are alot of work and expensive but I can’t imagine anything bringing
you more joy.
Being a parent was the one job that I have felt I was paid back a million times for doing…
I am telling you from my own personal experience, you cannot compromise on core values. If he knew what your core values were regarding family size, agreed, and now is trying to reneg, it’ll never work. Get out now and find someone who shares your same life goals. I wasted 16 years trying to make it work. I was miserable, & felt robbed of my life goals. I was clear and upfront too.
Best of luck to you. I hope you find happiness with someone you deserve and someone who deserves you!
I see his point though. Is he paying child support for the other two children he already has? Maybe he worry’s about being financially stable And honestly you should of discussed it further with him about how many children you wanted before having a child with him.
I see where he’s coming from in a female perspective, I have two kids with my ex 10 and 6. I meet someone that loved me and the girls but even before making it official I made it clear that I was okay with two kids but if it got serious and if it happened I only wanted one more and he would have to deal with that and except it. We now have a 17 month old whom has a disability and the stress is constant. 3 is enough for us and I got my tubes tied 8 weeks pp.
It might be best to get out now while your child is young. Me (at 39 now) from the child’s point of view. I have awesome parents but it wasn’t all roses. They stayed together until I got out of highschool cuz of my mental illness. I knew by the time I was 13 that they’d get divorced eventually.
I didn’t want anymore but did and I love her so very much!
Stop with the dear Abby crap.