Would you let your childs father and his new girlfriend take your child on a trip?

Would you allow your child to go on a road trip with their dad (they see once a month, his choice) and his new girlfriend? (less than 3 months?) He wants to take her and said he is but I am not comfortable with them driving across the country with our 5 year old…what do I do


My son’s dad and girlfriend took my son to another city and he had a blast! As long as my kiddo is happy and she’s good to him - that’s what matters


You can’t control what your ex does with his time with his child, just like he can’t control what you do in your time with your child. Unless there are conditions around the custody and unless danger


You can’t stop him if he is on the bc and he’s never given you any reason for concern


Honestly it sounds like you are a jealous ex. If you were concerned about the child going on a trip with the father it would be one thing, but you made it so clear thar his girlfriend would be there, made sure everyone knew how long they had been together, and your last statement saying how you don’t feel comfortable with “them” driving across country with Yalls 5 year old seems very clear that it’s not about the dad taking the child on a road trip.


The better question is why does it make you uncomfortable? Is dad not safe? Is there legit concerns with the trip? Do you think child would be okay with dad? The next question is what would be needed for you to be comfortable with this?


Unless dad has any reason as to why he is deemed as unfit it’s entirely his decision to do what he wants in his time.

The relationship to you might be 3 months but they maybe where friends before, they maybe knew each other previously and they don’t have to tell you every detail about their relationship as they are entitled to privacy. I doubt the dad would put his daughter at any risk if he has never done it before. When it comes to children spending time with the other parent unless their is a valid reason or a court has suggested otherwise it’s up to the parent to do what they want with the child in their time! He obviously thinks your child would enjoy this trip hence why he’s taken her.


I think that would entirely depend on if they’re responsible and how they are as a dad. :person_shrugging: It’s hard to answer for someone we don’t know. If I knew they were a good dad and they would take care of my child then I would be okay with that I would trust the fact that my child would return home safely. However if they’re not reliable and they don’t really watch the child the way they should and your concerned then I would just say that I was really uncomfortable with it :person_shrugging:


Yes? That’s his dad and it’s not letting him. U co parent


Kelsey Henning I do have to disagree it might be her dad however he only chooses to see her once a month so sending a child suddenly on a road trip with someone she’s not been around much at all through his choice could be scary for her, remember she’s only 5 and sees this man (her dad) once a month and now because he has a new gf he wants to suddenly take.her on a road trip as a mom I’d be terrified something was gonna happen if I’m honest


He still their dad so why not is there a reason besides the gf being around not long am sure unless u have concerns around the dad then it would be fine


He’s the dad and has rights as well. You just need to get used to it, and relax. Would you want to have him fight against you for things that you go and do with your child? Pretty sure that’s going to be a big NO, so just have faith instead of being negative, that this may be a great experience for your child. It’s not always about you.


No. In order to take her away for that long he would have to have a consistent relationship with his daughter. Once a month by his own choosing is far from consistent. Everyone keeps saying that what he does is in “his time” with his daughter is his business but at this point he isn’t even making his daughter a priority… and at 5 years old she most likely wouldn’t be comfortable being that far away from you for that long.


Ok…. He’s only been with her 3 months and Sees his child once a month. And Jumps to wanting to take child cross country?! Maybe he should come around more, actually get to know his child like he’s getting to know the girl STILL because 3 months?! lol people are still learning about each other imo.

If you don’t feel comfortable about it, also you must know why. (Does he drink and drive… consume substances, have a history of violence?!) …. Go with your motherly instinct, your child will be happy either way ! Also, let’s keep in mind that these once a month fathers are not healthy for any child.

I found myself in the same situation back in October… the father wanted to take my kids to universal suddenly but mind you doesn’t disclose phone numbers, addresses nothing for me to reach him or my kids while with him and thinks it’s cool to be a once in a blue dad. Sorry but I protect my childrens feelings, and safety and I also have worries of their safety so no, they didn’t even find out about the trip and were happy as per usual. It’s not depriving your child or the parent. It’s being your child’s eyes and ears and knowing what’s best for your kid/s.

Good luck !


I tried to get mad about this soon realizing that my issue was with the gf and nothing more than the fact I didn’t know her. Which is still eh. But at the end of the day you’re going to deprive your child of possible memories with their father or just in general. Let them go with their dad. I don’t regret letting mine go. Even tho I wasn’t crazy about it. She had a great time and she essentially is all I care about obviously.


I don’t understand these comments. She said dad chooses to only see their daughter once a month. All of a sudden he wants to take her on a trip across the country and everyone jumps on the fact that he has a girlfriend? If dad chose to be more present in the child’s life, I’m sure mom would take the time as a huge break. Also, having your child the majority of the time because the other parent CHOOSES to not take her would give me separation anxiety. She is valid in her feelings. Bunch of pick me females in these comments :roll_eyes:


I would be questioning why a man who chooses to only see his child once a month suddenly wants to take her on a road trip, I can fully understand why your worried and this has nothing to do with his new partner chances are he’s probably trying to make out he’s dad of the year to his new partner :thinking:
How far away is the road trip? Could you maybe see if he will spend more time with her before then to see how she acts as being away from her mom to go on a road trip with someone she barely ever sees could damage her mental health,depends how safe the child feels around her dad for a long period of time


You said you’re uncomfortable about it. That’s your mama instinct.


Let him??
He’s her father


If he was more consistent in her life I wouldn’t have an issue personally. It’s just the once a month seeing her (his choice) then jumping to driving her across the country…. Seems a bit odd. I don’t think the issue here lies with his girlfriend because that shouldn’t matter. I would trust my instinct and ask him to take her more often before doing a trip that big randomly.


Do you know they’ve only known each other 3 months or was that when it became official? How old are kids? I’d say yes if the kids are 7+ if they want to go. After that age, they’re old enough to have opinions and fend for themselves a bit. Plus, they can tell you if anything makes them uncomfortable. I’d give all phones to be able to call me.

That’s his child, too; you dont get full control. Stay in your lane and enjoy a little time to yourself.

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This might be a hot take but if my husband and I ever divorced, no other partners should be introduced that quickly. This is a child’s attachment, mental health, safety, and security on the line. 6 months minimum and you need to know it will even last in the first place before introduction.


Don’t know where your from
But here I unless you have proof that dad unsafe . What happens during dads time is up to dad


It all depends. If there is no court ordered custody in place I would not let her go because he would not be required to bring her back. If there is a court ordered agreement some times the other parent would need permission to take the child across state lines.


I would have no problems with this,it’s his child as well and would do the child good to spend time with his father

People are perhaps not thinking of the relationship the child has with her father.

How is that? Healthy? Happy?

Whyyyyy does he see her twice a month? Work schedule? Disinterest?

Will the child be homesick and wanting her mom if she sees her dad this rarely?

There are also legal implications sometimes - has he threatened to take her away before or anything like this?

Substance abuse?
Any other kind of abuse?
Any DUI?

Big red flags here.
And I agree - trust your instincts - don’t let a visceral reaction carry the day on its own merits, though.

Can she chat w dad and Gf to clear up any when where why how stuff ?

Of course fathers have or should have equal rights and equal time - this sounds like he or the gf wants to play family w the kid on a major road trip, and that’s not great.
If however this gf gives him the support necessary to parent more effectively, then great!

Maybe a couple weekends or more frequent overnights beforehand to let them settle into rules & expectations, to get more familiar & comfortable before total immersion far from home?

It’s about the child.
Whatever works best for her and in her interests; perhaps if it will help you could hit up family counseling for a few sessions?

Good luck.

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U say no and you don’t agree and you put it in text that you do not want her to go on this trip you do not give your concent and hope that’s clear. If he tries to leave the state with her it’s kidnap and they will both go to prison

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Is your child’s father a threat to the child
If not I don’t really see a problem
But at the end of the day
We can’t tell you what to do
Only you can make that decision

You don’t get a say what dad does on his time. It’s better to learn that now while your child is 5 then try and fight for the next 13 years until your child is 18. The judge will tell you the same thing since there is no indication that the dad shouldn’t take the child.


You really have no control over what Dad does during his time with HIS child. Do you get his permission for everything you do with your kid on your time? He can push for more time and extended time for vacation in the summer. As long as Dad is on board with open communication about the trip and is over all a decent father? Let your kid go and have fun.


my divorce decree stays that they have to have permission to take them more than 100 miles away. check your state laws.


If he’s given you reason to think he would run off with her or harm her then no. If you don’t have court order visitation or anything then I would suggest getting it established. I know in FL if he is on the birth certificate and he has the child the police can’t do anything unless you have the papers and visitation set up.
I wouldn’t be mad but just be careful. I don’t know you or him so I don’t know what anyone is capable of. But my best recommendation is to have a judge or mediator help set up a custody agreement so he can’t just take her away.

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Yall females need to chill. Yall made the choice to have these kids with these men. You need to trust they have their childrens best interest at heart as you do. It should be a mutual agreement. You will date as will they. I’ve never been the bitter childs mother. Their father has equal rights.


Nope. Just nope. She’s too young. Go with your gut.

No not if he hardly sees h3r

Wow child has a mother and a father. Remember you was comfortable enough to make a child with him. Now that you are no longer together you and I say you, feel like he is a bum huh, that can’t he trusted with his child. GTFOH Let that daddy take his where the hell he wants to take them.


Is there any other reason besides dad has a new gf? Like really? A judge would tell you that you do not have that type of right during fathers parenting time


Tell your ex-boyfriend no you don’t have to explain yourself

Have you filed.for child support and visitation, and primary custody. Is his child support current. If not file for it. Sounds like a jealousy issue on your part. If it his LEGAL VISITATION, there’s nothing you can do about it.

Report him for kidnapping :upside_down_face:

Maybe if he actually saw your kid more than once a month and had been dating the girl longer than only 3 months I would consider it. But as it is you don’t know her and neither does your child. So no.

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There’s so much info missing here
WHY are they taking a trip?
WHERE are they going?
WHERE will they be staying?
ANYONE have a history of abuse or drug use?

You’re worried about the wrong things here
The length of their relationship is irrelevant, if he is a good dad and you trust him during his times with the kid what’s the real issue here?


I did 2year ago now and still havnt brang them back

No you can’t know somebody for three months

Nope not across the country… if he only sees her once every month…

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Wouldn’t be happening you are not taking my child across the country with your next girl when you CHOOSE to only see her once a month you wanna do a cross country trip how about you try be a consistent active parent first you don’t get to only see her once a month and decided to go cross country with her bcuz your new cock warmer wants to play house with you and our daughter nuh uh especially since I don’t trust her needs to be taken care of or that proper care attention and safety will be provided and that my daughter will be brought home when she’s to be returned I am not going to risk having an amber alert being necessary bcuz you and your cock puppet go across country and don’t come back with her

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People saying. " IT’S HIS KID" " ITS HIS TIME" Bet you any money there is no court order for these visits…that may even be a few hours a month.
There is no " co parenting ", with someone like that who isn’t a “parent” because a “parent”, is someone that actually cares for the child because that’s their responsibility. Not because it’s that 1 day a month. Mom gets every say when someone like that isn’t involved.


I wouldn’t have a child with someone I didn’t trust with a child.

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I would not be comfortable with it but there’s really nothing you can do about it. That’s her dad! He has rights too and unless there are real concerns about her safety

I say no. My oldest sons dad chose to barely be in his life and then all of a sudden when he was dating someone new, he wanted to come around more (for a short period of time) to “play daddy” and impress the new chick. So I put a stop to that.

Since you said it was his choice to only see him once a month, sounds like he wants to play good dad or play house (I don’t know him obviously so I could be wrong).

OF course I would let her go on a trip with her dad-sounds fun!

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Dad can do things he wants to do on his parenting time. And you had better learn to live with that while she’s still little.

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I don’t like how you said YOUR child and not OUR child, that just rubs me the wrong way. It’s his time, and a great experience for a 5 year old to spend quality time with the dad. Unless he has supervised visit or a court order stating he can’t leave the state, then I’d be worried. But if he doesn’t have these stipulations, then let the child go and have time with the dad.

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The minute he said " he is " is when I would of said " the hell you are " .this guy sees her once a month and he plans on being in a car for 8+ hours a day for days on end …I don’t think so …he’s only " flexing" for his new girlfriend

If you’re truly uncomfortable place an air tag somewhere where he won’t find it so you can keep track of your child. Inside her favorite toy or sew into a sweater or jacket

Sounds like my ex :person_facepalming: I stopped forcing him to be involved and haven’t heard from him in two years :person_shrugging:… Sounds like he is trying to make himself look like a better father than he is, putting in more effort because he wants her to think he’s more than he is or she’s pressuring him to spend more time with his kid.


Legally he is in the right and so that’s something you should be aware of. It’s illegal for you to keep her from traveling with her Dad and his new girlfriend.

Well the fact you’re considering it he must not be such a bad guy you’re just naturally worried. But if he isn’t the greatest you should be worried because once you let him go he can keep a child for as long as he wants until you go to court if that’s not already in writing of course. Or this girl might be a blessing and encourage him to spend the time or he is just trying to impress… :woozy_face: :person_shrugging: But deep down if you know they are safe with Dad I’d consider it too. Memories bonding but ducks in a row.

Based off the information provided I would not be comfortable either, no. The father isn’t a huge figure in his life it seems and this new women hasn’t been in the picture long enough to solidify her being a long term figure. I wouldn’t be confident in that either.


It’s his child as well . Perhaps the new gf is the best thing for encouraging him to see his kid more .


if you haven’t met the gf i’d say no :woman_shrugging:t3: people are unpredictable and crazy these days. dad & new gf are practically strangers to the 5 year old lol

most important: does your daughter want to go.

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Absolutely not , she said he sees her once a month by his choice! idc about a new girlfriend that right there would make me say no.


Oof, that’s a tough one for me. Not because of the new GF, but because the father sees the child once a month. How does he know how to parent safely, correctly? It’s a HUGE responsibility to bring a child on a cross country trip for an extended period of time.

Most custody agreements include that both parents have to consent to leave the state. So without your consent I would imagine you can nip it by saying no. If there isn’t a formal agreement then now is the time to make one and provide that stipulation.

Not a good example for the child. Chances are dad and girlfriend would be sleeping together. Keeping the girlfriend/ boyfriend separate from the father/child relationship would be better until the relationship was a longer time. Having a parade of partners isn’t such a good example.

I know it’s hard, but at some point you have to be able to let it happen. Your feelings are valid tho.

If you’re uncomfortable then there’s your answer.

You need to following the parenting time order you have from the courts. You don’t get to control how the other parent uses their parenting time. You abdicated that control when you decided to make them your child’s other parent.

Unless you’re under court order go with your gut. People will preach “father’s have rights” but if something happens those same people will blame you for allowing it.

He has the same rights of you. Period.

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What kinda question is that?

If he had the baby and you had a new guy, would you want him to trust you with your child?

I wouldn’t have an issue with them being around the new girlfriend as long as I knew who she was and all that. I’d be more concerned about taking them across several state lines. The question is, do you trust him not to run off with them? On more than one occasion people I know personally had to deal with the other parent running off with the child/children. My bio dad took my younger half brothers and the police had to go get them and arrest him. I know some situations where there wasn’t anything the other parent could do because custody was shared.


You don’t get to control dad and his time like he can’t control your time.

If he told you you couldn’t do something eith your son you wouldn’t like that would you?

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Sounds like a mom wanting to control everything …


Depends on what your custody order says.

I think dad should be more involved with his child before he wants to take her on a vacation.This way,they cam get to know their dad better and won’t be so upset or scared.Honestly,when I first dated my stbx husband,my children didn’t meet him for almost a year(11 months)I honestly feel like it should be like this for everyone.That way,the child doesn’t get attached then they up and leave

Based on this info…no, and its not about a ( the ) gf.

Not a trip like that , for that long , crossing state lines with a 5 year old that only currently spends one day a month ( 12 days a year ?) with the father… by his own choice.
This is too much for the child atp.
Stick to the terms of the court ordered custody agreement and visitation schedule fn.
If there isn’t one in place, go to court to establish a consistent one that has parameters on weekly visitation, holidays & travel( to where, for how long & if out of State allowed).
Father needs to make much greater efforts to develop a very regular ,weekly consistent involvement/ relationship with the 5 year old …for her to feel secure… before wanting to all of a sudden yank her away on some a random road trip of that nature and length of time away from home & mom.
One day…a few hours …a month in the life of a 5 year old…isnt it in the best interest of the child, who likely barely knows him with the current very limited…of his choosing…with her.
Do better Dad.

It’s not up to you what the father does with his time with his child! Be glad your child sees his father as many don’t!!

Unless he has been abusive to the child and a judge has deemed otherwise out of necessity, he has just as much of a right to parent the child as he sees fit, as you do. Ya’ll created that child equally, quit using your child as a pawn in your own sick, twisted games to control your each other. You can’t control who he has around ya’ll’s child any more than what he can control who you do. Learning to co-parent isn’t easy by any means… however, once you’re able to remove your own personal emotions from the situation, the better overall for your child it will be. Took me a long time to learn that too.


He’s no kind of a father if he chooses to see her only once a month. He can’t even know her, or know how to take care of her. I’d do everything in my power to veto this trip.

I’d say if you feel his mature & safe enough to do so, my oldest is almost 14 his dad takes him every summer to Florida & California to visit family but he’s been there since day 1! We’re not together but I know In my heart he’s safe with dad & his dad is dependable and would let nothing happen to him! Same with my littlest sons dad I’d trust him too! But it took a lot for me to trust him! You need to sit down or call him to discuss where exactly there going? If you are allowed to call everyday to check on them? If she can call you daily as the days go by! My oldest has his own phone so I can call him whenever I want, my youngest isn’t even two yet so of course no phone but his dad will answer me at anytime & knows I want to do know how my child is everyday a few times a day! Use your gut! Make sure she is safe & going to be top priority!

Stepmom here, who didn’t meet the kids until 8 months into the relationship because he wanted his kids to make that transition comfortably. His choice is to see them everyday. Even if it’s just to stop by and say hi. We moved to be closer to them. It would be a red flag for me, as a women, if he chose to only see them once a month. So, that shows me something is shady with his girlfriend as well. I love my stepkids as my own. And I just feel like a woman who is ok with the choice of him seeing them once a month won’t create that sort of good relationship with them. I even hang out with my stepkids without their dad! That’s because we’ve all created a space for them to feel ok with that. I understand your doubts with this new girlfriend, since I see the perspective of being the stepmom. After 5 years, we are finally taking them on a trip to Florida. Couldn’t imagine doing that 3 months in!

Allow? He’s a parent too friend. :white_heart: He is going to have someone in his life. Better for your kiddo that you get used to it now.


Truth is there is not enough info to answer this question rationally. C

Do you have a court agreement for access ? This is why I always say get to a lawyer and sort stuff out in court asap.
If you have a legal agreement then you must stick to it.
If you don’t…why not ? Because without it there’s little you can do to stop Dad disappearing with the child and his gf for as long as he likes.
Youre uncomfortable about the trip…why?
What would make you more comfortable?
Do you know his gf ? Try getting to know her. If hes already got them together…ridiculous imo…then like it or not the gf is going to be part of your child’s life
Personally…if I didn’t have a legal agreement and felt uncomfortable for legitimate reasons I’d be inclined to say no
It’s not in the child’s best interests to be in the company of strangers. Dad would need to visit more often before id allow him to disappear for a road trip and id want everything sorted out legally

I would say no as his girlfriend that he has only been with for 3 months is going but, it also depends if he is a safe person as well.

Nope. All I see is :triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post::triangular_flag_on_post:

Yes I’ve done it. My 8 year old will be going to China with his dad this summer. If you don’t trust the boys father that’s on you. I don’t mind his girlfriend as they’ve been together for awhile. Why would it be ok for you to have a boyfriend around your kid but he couldn’t have a girlfriend

The time to decide if he’s a trustworthy dad was before you made him one. It’s his child. You have to trust his judgment as far as the woman goes. Plus 5 is definitely old enough to say if someone’s being mean to him. You should be able to phone and tell him good night. It’s his kid too. Kids are like bananas, if you hit each other over the head with them, they are the ones who get bruised.

What do the court documents state? We have to notify each other 30 days in advance to take our child out of the state for longer than the weekend. The fact that he only sees her once a month. I would question why he wants to take her. How long are they going to be gone, would be the second question. And this has nothing to do with his new girlfriend.

Before you make a decision If y’all haven’t been to court over visitions and he’s on the child’s birth certificate when he does get the Child he can just keep the child and not bring the child back home! Nothin you can do til court at least that’s the law in my state! So make sure you know the laws in other states.

In Michigan they need your consent (if you’re the custodial parent) to go greater than 50 miles.

Stick to ure gut and say no… in the end court order or not u have a right to say no

Have yall not seen all these stories about these mens GFs unaliving kids bc they’re jealous? Nah, I wouldn’t let my child go. Especially in a relationship that new. AND dad isnt that involved? Fishy. :woman_shrugging:t3::woman_shrugging:t3:

If you’re not comfortable n thiss goes for anything regarding YOUR child just say no girl and keep it pushing.

Well it’s her dad not a stranger. As long as my daughter is ok with it, but I would want to meet the girlfriend first.

What’s funny is if you found out he took his gf & her kid on a road trip & didn’t include your daughter you’d probably feel a way about that too. Sometimes the gf is the one encouraging dad to do more with their kid. If he’s a responsible father then let it go if he’s not then why haven’t you done anything about custody/ visitation thus far?