Does he have any fantasies or things that do turn him on? Hardly ever is a couple on the same wave length when it comes to sexual needs. At different points in life our libido is high or low with different desires. Have you asked him when he is in the mood what really does it for him? Does that coinside with what your willing or interested in? If he is a great guy otherwise maybe seek out some things just for you such as erotica or toys. I agree if it has always been an issue then it wasn’t a deal breaker but I get the frustration as well. Be open about what you need and accept that if he is trying to cuddle more that’s effort whether it’s for a minute or ten or whatever and all you can really ask for is effort. Maybe see a sex therapist or a Dr if communication between the two of you doesn’t work. But he seems willing to try. He could be dealing with something he didn’t even know he was dealing with. But if have made it this long then it’s worth the effort.
Low testosterone. That is a low libido. There are vitamins for it. It’s a deficiency like low energy. Just Google what vitamins are needed and put it in his food and see if things change. 
. Talk to him about it. There are also diseases that cause low libido. Thyroid disease is one. Prescriptions cause it as well if he is on any but, he definitely need medical attention. Sorry. God bless.
and you are positive he isnt gay?
And completely 100% disregard anyone telling you to leave just for this. Disgusting suggestion. IT may be fixable and if hes a great husband otherwise AND you knew from the get go…how hurtful to leave him over sex. Sex isnt everything. Certainly not what the foundation of a marriage should be about.
Get some toys and make it work literally 
. He is a good person otherwise.why ruin it ?
Vows stated for better or worse and you said I do.
Has he been clinically diagnosed as asexual? I’d get him a full work up at the doctor. Some meds can affect libido. Have you tried marriage or sex counseling? Toys? Would he be OK with your getting sexual pleasure elsewhere? Would you?
How old are you? Do you have children. If you’re under 40 I’d consider splitting up and just being platonic friends or maybe roommates if that would work.
Maybe he is undiagnosed autistic? My 9 year old son is and he absolutely hates affection from everyone of all kinds. He’s fantastic with his 3 year old sister who worships him and just throws love all over him but he really doesn’t like cuddles not even from her even though it’s clear that he absolutely loves her and has so much patience and time for her, even gets proud when she learns something new but like I said just doesn’t like affection of any sort from anyone adult or child.
If he is asexual and aromantic then he would have always been like this. You shouldn’t try to change him or even entertain medication or counselling to change him. Noone would ever say try and change a homosexual from his sexual orientation . This is who he is and it should be accepted unconditionally. If you can’t live your life with an asexual / aromantic man then you need to move on and let him find the full acceptance he deserves.
Good follow your heart. 
Best wishes. We are all very different some women could be happy or okay like this. It will drive other women crazy, mad. So you have to do what works for you.
Take him to see a doctor. Many medical issues or medication can cause this.
Maybe he should see a doctor for testosterone.
He said ‘Low Libido’ NOT ‘No Libido’ and she never said HE stated he was Asexual she diagnosed him as that on her own. I say there’s ALOT more to the story we obviously do not know… but if you’re unhappy leave.
Gah it’s like nobody can read these days.
She literally stated he said he had a low libido when they got together/married. He just coined this term to himself and identifies recently. She obviously isn’t trying to change him but just as HIS needs deserve to be met, so does her. He knew she loved sex and he still married her. It works both ways. She isn’t trying to change him, hence asking if she should deal with it or leave. She just wants them both to be happy but she has needs as well and they aren’t met.
Op I think counseling should be open for y’all together. Maybe discuss an open relationship. If y’all can’t come to terms with anything in counseling etc then it might be best to separate. Sex isn’t the most important part of a relationship but it is important. Both of y’all deserve to be happy with both of y’all’s needs met. Good luck queen! 
Have him go to a Dr and counseling to rule out other underlying issues or conditions that maybe possible. If all else fails and sex is THAT important to you then it maybe time to reevaluate if you want to live with this arrangement the rest of your life and sit him down and talk with him about it.
Regarding the lack of romance, did you didn’t know he was like that during the courtship period? I’m sure you guys didn’t say, “hi, my name is ______. There’s a court house across the street. Let’s get married”.
My husband suffered from low sex drive due to his ex not wanting to have sex with him anymore after their 2nd kid so he got use to not having sex to please her. Well i crave it (from him) and he noticed him not wanting it was affecting me and making me feel undesirable so we tried the horny goat weed vitamins and it’s boosted him alot. More so being pregnant currently(idk why) maybe try that vitamin for him and the cuddle part mine hates it like legit hates it but learned to let me fall asleep on his chest and I’ll eventually move and go to My little own ball away from him and he can go back to being comfy on his own. Give and take
Just live with it its not always what us women want men have feelings too if u knew this in the beginning u should’ve maybe not chanced a relationship
I say look for someone new as he’s only a good husband in aspects of himself, not in anything he really brings to the table for you.
Side note on that though, be careful when you do. Going from nothing, to having someone all over you, showing you that affection you’ve been missing, will be easy to get addicted to.
Your right intimacy is more then just sex
Those terms are actually considered as medical terminology and is considered as a medical issues as well as a mental health issue (both of which are treatable with time)
Often this can occur to adult children who have been sexually abused as kids or gone through a childhood trauma
A mind has a great way of suppressing things that are traumatic
Until it gets to a point where the pot of water(so to speak)
Boils over and we are forced to aknowlege the issue
This can present in physical and mental health issues
.
My suggestion would be to get him to see a gp
To rule out anything physical
But if you strongly feel he isn’t satisfying your needs
Perhaps walking away and finding someone who can meet your needs
Tbh hunni he needs your support
Reguardless of the issue
Would he be cool with you having sex with someone else?
get yourself a nice electric boyfriend and stay with your asexual husband at least he isn’t screwing around on you
Pure romance girl…
Lol
Some of you women are why women have a bad name. I get helpful comments but what is with the insults or backhanded aggression.
Have his hormone levels checked. Could be low testosterone.
To answer for myself, no I would not stay if my needs weren’t being met. Does he have needs too?
Me and my guy work things out. It changes real slow… but it happens.
If he’s gone this long without meeting your needs Than straight up ask HIM if he wants to spice it up and if he doesn’t want to then how can you go about being pleased?
Then make your decision
If his sexuality is an issue you need to figure it out. It’s not his fault . He’s a sexual he does not want or need a romantic relationship.
You need to figure out if you see okay being with an asexual man or not.
Will he let you have a side piece? Just for that part of the relationship the part he isn’t giving? Seems like it might be a topic you could possibly explore? If he’s great in every other area it’s probably not worth yeeting the guy. I don’t mean to sound like a jerk by what I said, I just know some couples who actually live happily and thrive with similar situations just kinda use a pinch hitter? Idk .
Do y’all love each other?
Could he possibly be wanting a man and he doesn’t know it yes he does need to get all medical checked and then I would consider leaving because it is important not just sex but intimacy and being close. I love making out with my boyfriend.
Maybe therapy would help
Personally if its not fulfilling you I would end it. And it is a very important part of a relationship.
You married him for sickness and health. So I don’t know why you’re complaining
My husband has a high sex drive and I have a really low sex drive or what people would class now as asexual when I always will says it’s a low sex drive but my husband doesn’t mind as he knows my reason but he is supportive and knew what he was getting into when me and him got together because all his needs don’t get met by me but he doesn’t mind as long as he is with me and we do have a beautiful 2 year old little girl together but if u truly loved him yous would work thing out
Life is short! Move on. Be happy! Get ur needs met.
I personally would not stay… If I can not feel comfort with my partner… I’m out. If I need to pleasure myself, no point to even be in a relationship…
OP here.
To clarify…
Our kids aren’t from eachother and we’re both relatively young.
My husband is against a polygamous or open relationships due to the trauma incured from his ex who was a serial cheater as a response to this same dilemma. He has also said that he is not interested in disappointing a second woman and couldn’t bare the idea of a another man being able to fulfill the needs he can’t. I am bisexual and have suggested both.
I would never cheat on him. Stop suggesting that. He is still my best friend regardless of our sex life and I could not harm someone I cared about like that.
He has no interest in lingerie at all and he cannot be seduced. I’ve tried. He gets visibly angry. I stopped trying to initiate sex within the first 2 years. Even basic cuddles has to be worked up to with him. He finds my desire for affection exhausting. His words. I’m a very affectionate person and I like to snuggle. He gets touched out very quickly. As in within minutes.
It’s not just a low libido. It’s also a complete lack of sexual or romantic intimacy and low stamina which causes him substantial performance anxiety. Which I seem incapable of reassuring him out of. Also I’m not saying I need it every day. Right now we’re at less than 10 times a YEAR.
He has no interest in “spicing things up”. Hes very solidly vanilla. He sees most kinks as creepy even. I have tons of toys and he doesn’t seem to want to use any of them. I even had him take a kink quiz to see what I could suggest to him. Even that said he was strictly vanilla.
I’ve suggested that he could be gay and told him several times that I would support him if he was. He insists he’s not and that he does find me attractive. He has gone as far as to say that he thinks I am out of his league and that he feels weird standing next to me in public when i dress up cuz he never feels dressed up enough. He clearly loves me. He just has no desire to show any sexual Interest in me whatsoever.
I’ve asked about trauma. If he’s been sexually abused he is unaware of it. We are both mentally ill. But he doesn’t take any medications. I am very hypersexual, which is why I have little trust in my own ability to decide if I should stay or go over this. My sex drive is much higher than usual and I have a history of using sex as a coping mechanism. Which is why I’ve spent the last some years actively suppressing those urges. He is fully aware of this as well. We are both on the asd spectrum but present drastically different.
The phrase “the pros outweigh the cons” is my husband’s description of our marriage from our last discussion. It’s not my phrase. He told me that that is how he makes sense of our marriage since Its so clearly abnormal. Our lack of a spark is something he initially brought up himself years ago. He is fully aware of this being a problem and had expressed concern about it years ago. But we never come up with a good solution. He watches romance shows but says he has no desire for that in his own life. Its become very clear that We both see our relationship as “the logical choice”. That doesn’t stop me from desiring sexual or romantic intimacy from my partner tho.
He’s not cheating on me. It’s not much of a concern with him. He has no social media presence and barely any social life. He hardly leaves home. He doesn’t talk to anyone. If he’s on the phone it’s to play a game or watch Netflix. He’d go without a phone entirely if I’d let him. And again he doesn’t flirt. At all. Im genuinely not sure he knows how.
I’d explain how we got into a relationship without flirting but that would give away too much information. In short. He saved me from an unsafe living situation, we both were going thru alot, and we got attached. For him He says I’m the only person he’s ever been able to bare living with. We get along well outside this one issue.
Our communication is actually extremely good and this has been an ongoing discussion between us. We just can’t find a solution. I only bring up my needs not being met once a year as to not put pressure on him because I know that his inability to meet my needs hurts him and I’d rather not trigger that pain if I don’t have to. I don’t know how else to fix the problem if we don’t talk about it tho. And He seems to be against any solution I come up with.
I’m going to look into low T and hopefully that comes up fruitful. I’d prefer to not have to leave him and throw a wrench into our families lives in order to get my needs met. Thank you all.
Get a /ibrator. Or send him to me. Good, decent man? I’ll take him.
Ps what is “aromatic”?
If the marriage is worth it to him he would at the very least try counseling and see a Dr fir a full work up to see if there’s anything medically. There are so many possibilities that could cause him to be like this from childhood sexual abuse to low hormones. Men struggle with dealing with anything that affects their emotions and being able to share it. Put it in paper what you need, what you need him to do and if he’s not willing to figure it out you do what you must. It sounds like he’s had a struggle somewhere and healing could fix things, if not a trauma could be a simple as balancing hormones. There have been numstudies that people that identified as being asexual simply had hormone imbalances and in some cases old brain injuries.
It can be mentally draining. So if it’s affecting you mentally and if a special toy doesn’t help you then yeah I’d start looking into divorce. I know sex isn’t everything but you deserve to be happy.
You only get one life to live.
Open marriage or leave. You deserve to be happy
Sex, intimacy, and romance are important in a relationship. I don’t think you should leave your husband without possibly trying marriage counseling. But ultimately, it’s your marriage, not anyone else’s. Do what you feel is right.
Get you a ROSE:rose: toy honey!! 
It depends on how important that part of your marriage means to you. It will
Probably end up causing resentment in the long run. If he won’t change or he won’t work on it it may be time to move on.
Sex is important. It’s important to feel wanted and it’s an expression. And not having sex bleeds into other areas of your marriage, developing resentment on both sides. I would look into sex therapy.
I’m in a similar boat. Although the difference is my hubby likes to cuddle, and we do talk. He just has a low libido. He is going to the doctor as soon as possible bc im highly in love with him and maybe he just has low testosterone. But I feel your pain. If you are in love with him try and see a doctor first.
Sounds like he was pretty honest with you from the beginning to me. You can’t change asexuality. Sit down and talk to him about coming to a compromise with your needs. If this can’t be done it sounds like you will need to end the marriage and find someone that can give you most of your needs in a relationship.
Hmmmm Mayb discuss an open marriage since he’s great in everything else yu can get ya needs met by someone else shit he can even watch and Mayb he”ll learn something
Does his tongue work… get that Jack to work
Been with the same guy for 7 years. We have four kids between everything we barely have time for bed talk or sex. We’ve been just going with the Flo, if anything happens it happens. So I say since he is good in other areas of the relationship and he’s giving you cuddles try to get sex during that time. Find something that’ll spark his interest in sex. Talk about what y’all could do extra that’ll make him want it. Maybe sexy clothes, or something that he can use on/in you to get him to want it more…
He has to see a doctor if he will!!!
Honestly, it seems like what may be best is separation and coparenting. He seems to be a great father and such, so there shouldn’t be no issues, as long as you remained nice. You can’t change him, he physically, emotionally, and mentally does not feel or desire sexual/romantic attraction. You also cannot change you, and your desires and needs. There is no shame in leaving to find what you need.
This honestly feels like you need to discuss with him the options that are on the table and figure out which is the best for you guys.
Get his testosterone checked. He made need hormonal therapy.
You have every right to get your needs fufilled. Compromise should be happening on both sides, not just from you.
Lady you don’t need a good man
In your life leve and find a bad
Man that what you want
If you love him you have to do soul searching. If your happy you have to weigh your options on what you want to make your relationship work. Good luck an d Love you!!
tell him that you need an open relationship
get a side boo and tell him he needs to fill your needs or you can’t stay on a marriage with no sexual chemistry (im jk about the side boo)
Send him to me…
He cuddle me once a month and pay my bills… 
Serious though when a women’s or males sexual frustrations aren’t being met there’s plenty of singles whom will step up to lend a helping hand but your bills won’t be paid…
Advice
Either go and get some extra toys and have a relationship with Anne Summers or simply leave find a young stud and take your frustrations out on him…
Your man isint going to get his mojo back…
And he better not get it back when he’s cuddling me either… …
Girl just leave. You both have different needs & it’s not fair for him to try (& complain) to meet yours but you don’t want to meet his. He shouldn’t have to do so much he doesn’t enjoy & you shouldn’t have to beg for what you want. Just be friends.
I would say either we have more sex or I’m getting it somewhere else
Ask for an open marriage.
Buy yourself a " personal adult toy"… he can participate, or not. He may be aroused enough “help” you achieve orgasm. That could unlock something ??? Maybe he’s not sure of himself in that area??? It won’t cure the physical cuddling part… but it could be a start ??? Contact Patty Marmann … she can help.
It sounds like you’re craving love, affection normal things everyone deserves. Sex is just as much about intimacy as it’s about the actual act.
Buy some Toys…no need to leave a good marriage
That isn’t just a sex problem. Your relationship has no intimacy at all. He needs a room mate because you clearly don’t mean much to him. I’d leave. I couldn’t be with someone who gave me nothing
Isn’t he maybe in the closet… try to eliminate that theory first before yall waste more time.
Sex is different to everyone. If that is something you’ve always wanted in your relationship, you need to make sure you have it. But you can’t blame him for being the way he is, you knew he wasn’t very sexual, but he also knew u were. If it’s important to you and not to him, and neither of you can give the other what they want, you should find someone with those interests. You don’t marry someone who doesn’t want kids, and prepare a nursery.