Leave before shit hits the fan. Yes, it’s Christmas season, but you don’t deserve this. Can you move in with a family member until you and your husband file a legal separation? It’s not fair to you not knowing what’s going on. He’s a cheater. LEAVE his ass and take the girls with you!!!
First - stop talking to the fling, if you have not already. She’s already told you all you need to know. She’s not the one you’re going to want to confide it or get extra details from. Second - make and exit plan, just as you said, and get to it. It you’re not in a position to leave right now, maybe just tell him you’re not interested in ruining the holiday for the children, so he can take the couch for the next few weeks and you all can celebrate the holiday for the kids, then make plans to move (or have him move) right after. Good luck.
3 Likes
Im sorry but a good relationship should not be as hard to have as you’ve described. Leave him. Start over for you snd your children. Be more selective and dont date a man with habits you cant live with.
1 Like
Her fiance was right you needed to know this, sorry tho cuz that has to hurt.
1 Like
Think of it like this , if he has told your family that you guys won’t last , he’s been waiting for you to break the ice and leave. He doesn’t want to be seen as the bad guy. He’s been waiting for the word to get around to you. Personally, I would set up a session with a marriage counselor and bring up everything there, that way you have someone that can help either mend what’s broke or just someone who can give educated advice.
6 Likes
Well, you answered yourself. You dont want to live like this, then let their be repercussions. Waiting until after Christmas rewards him. It doesnt spare the children. Goodluck.
1 Like
I’m in the same boat and each time I’ve tried to divorce my husband would make excuses or blame me for our failed marriage but sometimes we have to love ourselves and kids more than our marriage. It’s not going to change and It may even get worse I know it did for me anyway. I hope you have the will to do what’s right for you and your family.
Child support…possibly alimony, .he doesn’t wanna pay either or…
1 Like
Send him everything she is sending you. If you wanna wait til after the holidays then you make that choice on your own no matter what anyone thinks or says. You do what’s best for you girl. Then let him know your ready when he is for the divorce to proceed. Keep your cool and dont attack him. He will get his karma. I’m sorry and I do wish you the very best. I left a 21 yr marriage, hard? Hell yes ,but it can be done and you will start over with someone who values you. I got my shit together ,got my own bank account etc before I told him about the divorce.
Leave this sorry excuse of a man. Bring yourself above this and do for yourself. Do some things that make you happy girl. In sorry for your loss of a “family” but now your kids are your family and you dont want to teach them to live miserably.
2 Likes
Well my personal opinion is go ahead and get all your stuff together get your ducks in a row get you a bank account another place to go a lawyer whatever you Gotta do and after the first of the year make your move. Once a cheater always a cheater. You know the girl is probably telling you the truth and even though it hurts at least someone told you the truth. I know some people who were never told the truth and wasted a lot of more years. He said to your cousin and to her that your Marriage won’t last and guess what he’s right because you need to be the one to end it. Imagine what it would be like if you stayed you would question every single thing he was doing. When you didn’t know you didn’t know so you didn’t question anything but now that you know you’ll never be able to trust him again. I’m really sorry that you’re having to go through this but I would feel even worse if you wasted more time with him. I wish you a lot of luck and I’m sending you lots of hugs. I went through a divorce five years ago it was not due to cheating we just Grew apart but it was still hard as hell and you guys have children involved. I know it’s gonna be hard but you’ll be OK
1 Like
Uh I would hv been gone, confront your husband and say ur getting a divorce f that
Don’t say anything to anyone else and go and see a lawyer. Open a separate bank account and start putting money away you’re going to need it. If he will lie and cheat he’ll destroy in the divorce. Start making an exit plan.
7 Likes
If just a few months ago that he said your marriage wouldn’t work to two different people I would be high tailing my ass out of there.
Wait, make your exit plan
Well you need to talk to him but before you do decide what you want to do. If he’s going to work through this you absolutely need a counselor to help and he’s going to have go without Facebook and a phone with apps until trust has been earned back. I imagine that it’s probably a lot worse than what she showed you and you need to prepare yourself for a difficult time ahead. If you separated before and she was the soft cushion he landed on he never had any issues not being with you. You are only getting her one side view of things so there may be more to her just out of the blue contacting you. Don’t stay with someone who doesn’t care about you for the kids. They need to see you respected and loved not humiliated by a sham marriage and an asshole dick controlled ass. I know it’s hard but BELIEVE it. People only ever show you what you want you to see. Cheaters and a long term one at that are masterful liars and manipulators. You change the narrative and control your future. Feelings are not facts. You are going to be fine no matter what happens. Good luck.
Save up and leave when you can. But don’t hold the kids away from him
Wow what a scumbag. So I think what you said about waiting so you don’t wreck your kids’ Christmas might be a good thing. But in this time yeah just come up with a plan to leave. People like him never change. And there’s no point in trying to seek counseling or anything cause he’s gonna do it again. He’s already told people your marriage won’t last. So take it how it is and find someone better! 
You know all you need to know. Your cousin confirmed it. Leave him and get everything you deserve out of him.
Leave his ass divorce and child support. Beat it at his game.
If she’s engaged, why is she still entertaining your husband?! I’d probably let her fiance know about all of this, too! Like your entire conversation, because she maybe only told him a couple things. Wow!
2 Likes
I would show him the message and say : “ Some people have no decency and would try anything to separate us.
That one must be on drugs.
Can you believe this
I think we have a stalker “
Say it with a straight face and look at his reaction.
If he denies, let it be till a family meal with his family, show them the text with the same comments.
See their faces Torturing him mentally??? Priceless
Just in case, get ready for separation.
4 Likes
Kick him to the curb. ASAP
Girl you need to tell her to say thank you to her fiance because you can clearly tell you wouldn’t have known if it wasn’t for him… After that LEAVE HIS ASS!
I would tell her to mind her own bismes
You need to take pics of those messages. See if your cousins husband will talk to you and be on your side. Get an exit plan then leave asap! If that’s the way he feels don’t stay in a loveless marriage. I’m not saying do this to deny him of seeing his children, do this for their safety that let’s you have the upper hand so he can’t say you abandoned him for no reason. And don’t let the children be any (or the least) part of the split. It will be hard. But as they say Happy wife, Happy life. If you’re not happy how can you be all you can be for the children and yourself. If you stay before you know it you’ll be married 20+ years and feel there’s no way out. You deserve to be loved by your best friend, lover, another husband, someone you can trust and not say things like that behind your back… someone who will always put you first and cheating wouldn’t even cross their minds.
Make your exit plan, open your self an account. Save some money for your departure and figure out where your gonna go/do. End it. Clearly that is not appropriate behaviour for a marriage. And he has no remorse over he’s actions. Walk out!
2 Likes
I would confront the lying pos. If he is telling family crap like that! He’s an asshat! I had one just like him. After 17 years I finally had enough. You don’t stay because of the kids. I finally had to talk myself into it.
You already know the truth
Make sure you have things planned accordingly. Enough money, a place secured. A lawyer, plan for child support and alimony. He cheated. He pays.
3 Likes
Pack up with your kids and walk out on him now. Dont give him a chance to walk out on you first, you are strong!
2 Likes
If you wanna save face for the kids sake you can wait until after Xmas, I overreact at the slightest thing but you seem calm and collected, play his game as well, act like everything is peachy perfect and come up with your exit plan and lawyer tf up! Have proof and make sure you get those kids and yourself taken care of!
6 Likes
If you leave your house you forfit it to him. So id make an exit plan and then leave his butt when your all set uo for the girls
Definitely leave him put some money aside to file for divorce keep messages from her to use in the divorce. U don’t deserve that
1 Like
He sounds like a arsehole! Sounds like he doesn’t respect you at all! To enter a marriage and be speaking to this other woman just before ‘the most happiest day of your life’ this woman has done the right thing by you be grateful for her honesty. Take control and take what is owed for you and your daughters show them it’s not okay for a man to treat you the way he had treated you.
Put his shit on the front lawn and lock him out of your house and life! You shouldn’t be the one to have to leave he is the one who has fucked up your family he wanted out by being deceitful, breaking your trust. Let him go… forcefully by eviction.
Save everything so you have evidence in the divorce that it was his fault marriage ended. Of course hes gonna deny he was caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Thought he could have it all. What a shame. Once a cheater always a cheater girl get out. Get a lawyer you got this!
1 Like
Wait and make an exit plan. Put money aside to go towards a house to rent so you have somewhere to stay. Also to set you up with some food. Have a safety net, talk to your parents and friends. let them know what’s going on so they can help keep you safe. Don’t give your address or where you are going to live to anyone but your parents. Talk to a lawyer about the divorce. When everything is set up confront him about it but let someone know. Tell your parents or a friend that you are going to confront him about it that way they can text you to make sure you are safe and raise an alarm if they don’t get a call/text back as some guys don’t handle break ups and getting confronted .
2 Likes
You need to confront him as soon as the holidays over. He have his own agenda. Stay strong mama
Talk to your husband about these things
You can hold off until after the holidays, that would be best for the kids. Then …most importantly, be cool, as in…when you are ready…oh. I have something I would like to discuss with you…don’t be the whiney, screaming. Crying wife…be a very cool lady, who has found out a deep secret. Then tell him you will help him pack his clothes, and you hope he has a place to go since his girlfriend is now engaged. And likely does not have room for him. If he wants to mansplain…let him…then make your final decision…and it is YOUR decision, would counseling help? Do you love him? Do YOU want to see if you both can work it out? Just know, understand, this is your decision…make it carefully. And once you do, stick with it. Good luck.
12 Likes
I would just leave him. Pull the rug out from under him. You already have all your answers, you already know all the details, have all the proof, why even give him a chance to bullshit his way out of the consiquences. Take your power back and just leave his ass. He wants to play games?? Well check, mate bitch is what I’d tell him. Like leave a note while he is at work take the kids and go stay with your family for a little bit. Blindside his dumbass. Show him what his actions have really done, that he has lost you.
Im no expert but many men struggle to leave without securing something else first.
Regardless… I say file for divorce ASAP, or after christmas. Beat him to it. He’s behaving like a high school jock. He has no respect for you or your relationship. Bye
2 Likes
He’s a damn cheater !!! He ain’t changing and he will keep hurting you . They say stay for the kids . No that’s not healthy at all . Sometimes destiny has different routes in our life’s and you won’t we with that same person for ever . Maybe maybe not . If things happen maybe it’s time to move on and don’t let him hurt you cuz you will suffer . Counseling they say but nah I feel like he ain’t gonna change .
I would show him. And tell him you want to hear his response to her.
Okay so you already know he’s cheating, he’s a cheater he sucks. But you are thinking clearly on making an exit plan! DO THAT and no matter how good you think things arE going do not stop putting money back and making a plan. Assholes like this have no concern for you or your feelings so he will leave when HE is ready. Something he needs is all that’s keeping him, he’s not staying because he cares for you. I am sorry I know its hard but its obvious you are a smart woman so use your brain and do as you said and PLAN for you and your children. .get out and dint accept that trash! Good luck 
Exit plan, don’t even let him know that you know. Wait till after Christmas, have a calm and collective chat with him and let him know that he will be moving out lmao.
5 Likes
Save up and get a place ready for you and kids …than only after you completely move out with the help of your friends and family and one big U-Haul you tell him when he gets home from work that you’ve moved your stuff out and the kids stuff out if he wants to maintain a relationship with the kids then he better behave right because he’s already screwed up his chances as a husband so he better not screw his chances up to be in the kids life…please dont waste your life with him… it’s better to be lonely and financially strapped than to be in a relationship like that… the loneliness will go away his cheating and infidelity will never go away it will only get worse and it’s not good for the kids either
6 Likes
GXXU UUJUJ JUIUU UUJ. UUJUJUUJU JUIUUUUJDUDUDUUUUNU UUJUJ UDUDUD. UUJUJU U UUJUJUUJU UUJDUDUDDDUUUDUDUDDUUU UUJUJ go ,&&, xx x,xx,&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
2 Likes
Whatever you do play your cards smart, dont let anyone know your plans until adter you’ve played your cards. You’ve got him by the balls, it’s up to you on how you handle this.
The FACT that she CONTINUOUSLY had a relationshipwith your husband, and THEN told you.
That’s some fucked up shit holy fuck
I’m so sorry!!! Fuck him too!!!
Nah fucking leave, let him know, but don’t let the kids know til after.
Why the fuck??? And why weren’t you informed he said that from the brother in law sooner?
Leave momma you’ll be fine
Does he know you know? Have you spoken about it ?
If any part of it is true to you than it may as well all be true. The fact that she is getting married is probably what’s pushed her to tell you.
But make sure you get things in order first! That was my biggest mistake when I left my ex husband.
And don’t think to hard on him they’re dumb and will hold on until you leave because you’re comfortable for him
3 Likes
Why wait till after Christmas??? Kids are resiliant…the truth shall set everyone free
4 Likes
Bitches disgraceful😪. Honestly you could talk to him more about why he cheating on you but you already know the answer (he’s a piece of shit). Or you can chuck it up as a loss and file divorce papers, and file for alimony. When my mom did, we knew our dad was cheating so we blamed him. There’s nothing else you can really do, he’s not worth stressing over since he’s made it known to the family that it’s over.
If it was me I would flat out ask and show him the message this woman sent and basically corner him and see what he does watch his body language and hear what he says but in the end I’d just leave wait till the holidays are over make a plan and have a chat with the kids it will suck but explain to them that they didn’t do anything to cause the mess your in and they are very loved and everything will be ok
2 Likes
Deny, deny, deny. That’s a cheaters favorite game. In my experience and other women I know in the same situation, here’s what happens…You beg them to be honest, they finally break down and open up, then they have a pity party, beg for forgiveness and beg you not to leave them. Then for a little while you’ll think “I made the right decision. He is being so good to me…our marriage is great now…this is what’s best for our kids… I sure showed that other woman!” Until he does it again one day. It might be a couple months, it might be a couple years but he’ll do it again. Bc he has no respect for you or your marriage.
Go to a councilor, alone. Talk about hard things. Maybe even invite him if he’s willing to go with. You’ll know in you’re heart what to do after that.
3 Likes
Go talk to a lawyer about a good exit plan
3 Likes
wow. i cant imagine… wait after the holidays for your kids sake. have a conversation with him when your ready. you deserve answers. good luck
Trust her. I can’t even count how many women messaged me asking if I was still married and how they had been with my husband. Well they don’t usually have a reason to lie.
2 Likes
Just leave you have enough proof don’t wait as it makes it harder shame on him and the girl to they both deserve each other I’d also file full custody and file for divorce first prayers mama be strong u know u and ur kids deserve better
Save as much as you can get an exit plan. Once this is all in place and the holidays are over then bring it up. Print it all off and hand it to him. If you need to hear his side of things for closure then do. If not hand the papers to him and leave. I would go talk to a lawyer as well before this. If your moving out do it when he isn’t home to avoid conflict.
4 Likes
Start making plans. Once he loses your trust, I feel like it is over. Save your heart for someone who deserves it. Show your children that a healthy relationship is better than parents who end up hating each other. Understand that you did nothing wrong that would make a faithful person seek outside attention. I hope you can find peace fir yourself and your children.
Honestly, if this has been going on for 10 years, then no the marriage won’t last because some part of him just cannot commit fully. And no relationship works without honesty after 10 years of lying…you’ll question everything.
However for your peace of mind, you deserve a conversation. You deserve to ask the questions you need to ask and you deserve to say the things you need to say.
I agree with waiting until after christmas.
However I’m going to advise that you make an exit plan: get some money together, find a job if you don’t have one, work on putting apps in to find a place, set up your own bank account. Take the steps to become completely independent so once you have that conversation you can walk away without worrying as much.
You won’t have to stay and be worn down. Or worry about getting kicked out with no where to go.
Get an exit plan & find out who her fiance is. I would tell him because she may be lying about him knowing so u wont say anything to him 🤷🏾. She knew he was married & doesnt deserve to be happy either then block them
1 Like
Just leave. Don’t discuss. Just leave
Wow he is marrying a real classy lady smh sorry your going thru this. Yes get your ducks in a row and head out or kick his ass out if yall own your house I’m sure your gonna be the one who gets to stay with all this proof
Well the only person in w a heart besides u is her new fiance…that’s for sure. Leave
1 Like
Lots of good advice here⬆️
Because it’s hard to think straight when things like this happen… I’m going to make you a list. Hope it helps.
- Don’t talk to that woman again. (She may still talk to your husband-yes she told you at her bf’s request-doesn’t mean she’s on your side!! Keep details to yourself‼️)
- Call a lawyer before doing anything or making any decisions‼️
- AFTER talking to a lawyer THEN you can decide whether you’re going to
A) Stay till after Christmas
B) Discuss this with your husband etc.
You need to know where you stand legally before moving forward with ANYTHING‼️ - Follow the lawyers advice to a T
Stand your ground.
(men like your husband have a way of manipulating…know where you stand and do not let arguments and manipulation from him make you doubt YOURS & YOUR children’s rights‼️ (Of course that is for when you get down to discussions with your husband) - If the situation FEELS unsafe GET OUT‼️Trust your instincts…you will know.
- Stay calm. Easy to say, I know, but you CAN do it‼️ (not to sound harsh: but you’re not the only person this has happened to- and all those other women would tell you … LOSING YOUR COOL WILL NOT HELP)
- and FINALLY :
REMEMBER “this too shall pass”
Believe me, once you’re on the other side of this, you & the kids will be fine. There will be a future for you…just a different one. YOU WILL BE OK if you keep clear headed and follow legal advice.
Good Luck and please try to have some enjoyable moments through the holidays.
OH‼️
This DID happen…in case you’re doubting it.
DON’T stay with this man…in case you’re tempted to…it WILL happen again.
DO see a Dr and get tested for STD’s‼️
12 Likes
Existing Plan… Hes sneaky and already gone mentally
Make a plan and definitely get a lawyer . The girls fiancé is going to regret getting with someone who cheats with a married man . She will do it to him as well .
Leave him if he will do it once he will again
2 Likes
Talk to a lawyer, serve him papers, get kid custody,alimony,Ins. Coverage for you and kids,and don’t leave your place, make him leave, and consider the visit restrictions you want, and anything else you want in the settlement, think before you decide
3 Likes
Get yourself together and leave. Don’t say anything to her or him because the best attacks are always silent.
2 Likes
Think about what u want and what your plan will be. It’s all up to you and how you feel. Stay with him? Confront him? Accept it? You must decide what’s worth it or not.
1 Like
Print out the text… go see an attorney file for the divorce wrap them in a gift box and hand them to him on christmas day
13 Likes
An exit plan is a great idea. Wait, think and do it! Don’t look back! Save all evidence of everything.
2 Likes
I would get myself a lawyer and print off those messages I ask the mistress if would be willing to send you all the messages wait until after the holidays so your girls don’t connect the two together, make sure you have a place and leave him then file for divorce don’t say anything to him
2 Likes
Print everything off and take it to a lawyer
3 Likes
Get your ducks in a row and 
1 Like
It sucks that people have to do this stuff to a spouse. Why not just be honest with the other instead of hurting them like this. Trust is hard to get back once you have been screwed over & Lied to.
Ask him and then pack up and then leave and he cheated on u now he always will
1 Like
If you can gather as much proof like documented conversations as possible it can help later on
1 Like
What skum. Both of them. You deserve better…much better. That’s so terrible and finding out right before Christmas 
1 Like
Why would you even question this?
1 Like
How can you stay with someone who lied and cheated on you.
Furthermore
He is having sex with other women.
Aren’t you afraid of catching a sexually transmitted disease???
If he does not have the balls to look you in the face and tell you it’s over than you grow a pair and end this sham of a marriage.
I agree. Don’t do anything until after the holidays for the kid sake.
I would see an attorney and file for divorce and would give him the same consideration he gave you and let him be super surprised when he receives divorce papers
What a PIG
Leave his lying cheating ass.
He’s unfaithful to U and ur children. Kick him to the curb. He s not worth it.
2 Likes
Get your ducks in a row, stop any intimacy go get yourself checked. Get a lawyer and keep records of everything safe and back them up somewhere he cant get it. Dont say absolutely nothing till you get everything in order. And take him for EVERYTHING. Hope all works out. Most importantly don’t forgive him.
10 Likes
You know already what to do.So just do it.
1 Like
I’m sorry this happened. Move on, get a divorce.
3 Likes
I wouldn’t say anything to him,You need to start making plans,Saving money,getting your ducks in a row,Keeping a record of everything that goes on,Talk to a lawyer,Send the text messages to your email or Someone you trust,Getting all the proof that you need,Get Christmas over then make the big move’
6 Likes
Your cousin should have told you about the marriage not lasting long when he told her partner. Do what’s best for you and your children because obviously he’s not interested especially wanting to fuck anything that walks which is fairly disgusting to say the least. Actions are louder than words. Don’t get back with a man who’ll change his words but not his actions because that’s where shit goes wrong.
You know what to do. So your kids don’t have the greatest Christmas this year, make it as nice as you can and surround them with people who love nd respect them
1 Like
Yes leave when you get a chance .
Document as much as you can cuz that’s what the court system and lawyers goes by
That way it’s not just hearsay of what people say😕
Document it and lawyer up
3 Likes
Make copies of everything. Don’t tell him you know. No more sex and get tested! Get your plan in place and get a lawyer.
8 Likes
Alimony baby! Keep her texts as proof!
6 Likes
Id question her real motive… Like is she really engaged? Maybe its the plan to get you to leave him? But regardless you deserve the best and 100% so do whats best for you and your kids… Kids pick up on things very easy and its best to make sure they are in a happy healthy environment
1 Like
Confront him and ask him to leave. Get you and your children in counseling.
It’s sad to hear such disturbing news. I believe that you deserve better and move on with your life. Raise your kids. Please take care of yourself and your kids. That man doesn’t deserve you.