So my son is now 12 yrs old his father’s been in n out of the picture, I’m now married with three other children. I finally got full custody of him 2 yrs ago as well as finally put him on child support, as much as I hate the fact that his father appears when he feels like it I can’t keep my son from not going with him like out to dinner or sleep over I just can’t. He pays 75$ week child support 35$ is for the babysitter as per court…in the 10 yrs of his life I never asked him for anything…on top of that child support is through the direct court deposits…he never pays anyway…I told him he never worries about our son if he needs clothes shoe haircut or things for school…he tells me that’s what child support is for…I told him u seriously think that’s enough? And he doesn’t even pay it…when he does take him he buys him toys or takes him to fun things like golf or adventure parks…but never worries about what he actually really needs… My husband and I worry about all that. I thank god I got full custody. Now am I overreacting that he’s such an A.H.? what should I do? When he does tax, the back pay on child support does come to me, but I have to wait all yr for him to help and that if he works o,n the books. I think if ur child needs something it shouldn’t be oh that’s what child support is for? wen it ain’t really shit I’m not asking to spend it on me…of course, w.e I have $ from his child support I pay the babysitter and use the rest for grocery, or if he really needs something but trust me it doesn’t cover it: me n my husband been doing this since day one. I’m just upset and fired up he can get away with shit like this. b.c he can show up when he wants I really wish he wouldn’t it’s hurting our son I should say my son …but my son doesn’t see it yet, and he loves him right now B.C. His dad buys him with what he wants that I can’t afford. My daughter’s father lives in a different state she was born them but moved back to my home town since she was one now 9 I want to get full custody, has anyone gone through the prosses do you go to court in the state that u live in? And how do you serve them in a different state? He has nothing to do with her at all no child support no nothing.
Child support and visitation are separate. I get what you’re saying just just because you moved on doesn’t mean your son has. Let him have his dad in his life. You can’t confuse your emotions with what’s right for your child.
Abt your daughter file in your state but it’s only going to be prolonged if you don’t have his address so the courts can get in touch with him
At Least as a father hes making memories with your child give him a break its not always about money
Go to the courthouse in the town u live in. They will mail him the court papers to the last known address u have
And Abt your son don’t complain if he buys stuff for him when he does see him just be thankful he’s visiting. If the father keeps doing like you said he did as your son gets older he’ll know what’s going on.
You would need to look up the laws in your state. What I can tell you, that true for every state, is that full custody doesnt stop visitation. Being out of state, youd likely have to meet halfway, and you could not request he pay for your travel.
I’m confused that you say he pays support but then you say he doesnt pay? If you are receiving child support then he does pay and legally that’s all he’s required to pay directly to you. Just as he spends his money during his time, you’re responsible for spending your money during your time. It’s never enough, to cover everything a child needs but moms always find a way to make do.
Child support isn’t for material things it’s to help support your child. Hate men with that mentality
Your son loves his dad, he is suppose to love & be allowed to love his dad. Regardless of how frustrated with his father being irresponsible with child support. That is a problem between you adults. Your sons relationship with his dad has nothing to do with it.
My opinion. You cant control what other do or dont do. But no matter what a child should Always always feel loved by his parents. Always. Even if the parent is a piece of crap, you never say that to a child. That is his father. He knows amd will understand later dad did the fun stuff. No child can have to much love. My daughters father…well im sure he didnt give her a second thought. But i tild her how much he loved her, how he tried more than i had ever seen him try. My mother told her, her dad hated her. Yep, my mother is not allowed around my kids. She wanted to look like a good person, she looked…well pitiful and graceless
Unless you go back to court, nothing you can do
Why do you care if he is paying child support?
I think it’s really disgusting you sit there and say “or should I say my son”. No. Not just your son. He loves his dad, and you should in no way try to change how he feels. It’s not about money. You do what you have to to make ends meet. You have full custody. Be grateful he has a relationship with his dad, many children would kill to have there dad around. You sound very selfish and money hungry. I hope for the sake of your son you do not bad mouth his dad to him. Because in the end you’ll end up being the one he resents.
Is this about your son or your daughter? Good gravy lady. You sound super selfish.
I’d be grateful that your son’s father visits.
Sorry but money child support is supposed to be his share of the child’s needs , so if you get $75 per week ( even if you do have to wait ) then you add your $75. Not bad support for a child.
Ummm well… not sure why you are combining the 2 but for your daughter you’d go to your local child support office and file it. And they will do the rest even if its oug of state
Dragging a child into adult problems absolutely no need. He still needs his dad and always will. Contact between them should be between them and only you. Money problems are your issues not your sons.
Omg I personally think if you have full custody then he should not have to pay anything just saying you wanted full custody and stop talking bad to your child about his father that will only hurt him if he is a bad father he will see it on his own with time
So… Is this about your daughter or your son? Cuz that was nothing but a rant about your son’s father. Who you already have full custody of. You can’t do anything about your son’s father, you just need to let it go. It’s not worth it to stress over.
He is called a Disneyland dad. My kid’s dad is the same way. He will only pay child support because I force it through the state. Will not help pay for anything else. He even is supposed to pay for medical bills that he refused to pay. I am glad my kids are old enough to know he is and will always be a dead beat dad.
It’s been 12 years now, you know he’s not going to pay it. Just never rely in it and hope 1 day it catches up with him.
You and your husband know the truth and know whose really raising that boy. Let that be enough for you, knowing that he can never take your child away is worth more than any child support amount
Sounds like you’re only worried about money and not your children.
A child has 2 parents. Just cause u have full custody, you need to fix the way you speak. Hes not just your kid, he has a father. I get ur pissed that he doesnt give u much money, but he does spend time with his son and has a relationship with him, and that’s great. Be happy and maybe stop looking for a fight. A child needs both parents. If dad wants to buy him stuff, that’s really none of your business…who cares. Less money u have to spend since his FATHER got it for him. As for your daughter, if u want to go for full, go to court. But remember these children have another parent, and no matter what I think, those kids need their dads. If ubtalk trash to ur kids about their fathers, then that’s a form of parental alienation. Just saying. Watch what u say and how u speak…your kids may turn on you for being toxic towards their fathers. Your son will see things as he grows, but doesnt need u cheering in his ear about it. Let him be a kid and enjoy seeing his daddy. You can have custody, but ,a father will always have rights and visitation. Sorry.
Get an attorney! Tell them what you want! My sons father has seen him maybe 5 times in 12 years. Child support started about 4 years ago. He doesn’t pay. He has filed taxes once. My husband and I done adoption. My husband has raised him. However, if that is not in the ballpark for you guys then I also still suggest attorney. You file in the state you are in. Same as child support. You file in the state, in the county you’re in. They will do everything else for you. You do not have to travel. Same as if you file for full custody. You don’t have to travel. If he wants to fight it then he will have to come where you are and go to court when a court date is set.
I’m not understanding why your wanting to take your daughters father to court for full custody. By default you have full custody of her. Also I went through the EXACT same thing when it comes to your son. My son is now 20. Let your son decide how to feel about his dad. Don’t bad mouth him or trash talk because that will only cause your son heart ache. As your son matures he will see the situation for what it is. By the time my son was 18 he said it best “He was like Santa only instead of one a year, he came around once every other month”. Unless your going to take the dads to court to increase child support then there truly isn"t a reason too
I have hardly received child support. He raises everyone else’s kids. I never rely on child support period! You don’t need to rely on that. Budget out things, maybe a better paying job or more hours. I don’t know your lifestyle. I can say never rely on child support.
I also will add that even though he only buys toys etc just be glad he is there. I raised 3 boys alone with zero assistance. My brother in law had to help me teach them how to pee lol. Be grateful for that. I know money is a problem but sometimes you just have to push harder because child support is there to assist and the you assist the other half. That’s how it goes. Count your blessings.
Not sure what state you’re in, but getting full custody here in CA is usually only when a father willingly signs over his rights or abuse/neglect situations. CA and a lot of other states are starting to become pro-father’s rights. I got screwed with my oldest, so I have joint legal and full physical with his donor.
This post confuses me… like yeah $75 isnt enough lol I’d love to know what state that is because in my state they take like a quarter of my boyfriends paycheck for his other kid. If that’s a concern return to court to discuss getting more for living expenses. Also I’d be grateful he gets a relationship with his father. I have an active restraining order so my son can’t keep his father. Also I’ve never needed or depended on him for money to raise my kid. 
this post just jumps around too much.
I think its sad your post comes off butt hurt your ex can afford the activities, gifts etc y’all obviously can’t and your being petty… Then you go on to ask about soul custody of your daughter etc… KIDsS AREN’T A WAY TO MAKE $$$$
You can go to the court house or child support office and for a child support modification request. If he’s working they go by income and deduct taxes and withdraw the money automatically from his check. If your having problems still you can request in your modification that the father be ordered to have weekend visits , that he pay for half of your son’s medical bills, meds and any operations he may have. also carry insurance on your son. Also he should pay half on school supplies and clothes .You should ask that instead of $75.00 a week you get $ 250.00 A month. Also express your concerns about his presence and the effect it’s taking on your son, so if he can’t make a visit he needs to call. I don’t know the grounds and stipulations of your court ordered custody, but when f he’s in contempt by any means, not following rules or, being vicious by using your son as a pawn. I recommend going back to court modifying your court order and working through these issues. Like I said earlier your so,n suffers the most so regardless of how you feel towards one another ,grin and bare it for your child’s sake.
Court ordered is $300 a month. That’s a pretty decent amount for that age child. It gets bare necessities. Child support is to HELP support not FULLY support a child. As far as you having to wait until tax time, save that money for the months he doesn’t pay child support. I get $700/month for my 2 kids. He’s also supposed to reimburse me for insurance but he doesn’t. That $700 barely covers daycare for my youngest… single mom here but I make it with…
- Stop talking bad about your child’s father. You picked him! Your kids didn’t have a choice.
- Stop talking about the cost of your children, You wanted them!
- Stop trying to keep your children from their father! Just because you don’t like him doesn’t mean your kids shouldn’t.
- Grow up.
75 a week wow my poor son is 150 a week for his 1 child
The sad reality is all you can do is your best for the child. Resorting to keeping him from being in his life will only hurt the child. The father will pay for his pettiness later in life if he’s any kind of decent person . that’s a cross he will have to bear . do what’s right in your heart and avoid that cross
Depending where you live. A child at 12 is apparently old enough to choose what parent they want to live with… I dont personally agree, just saying that it works like that on some places.
You’re married, move on.
Which kid is this about? Are you mad that he and his father spend time together? If the support is through court deposits how can he not pay it but once a year?? Why would you want to spend the money on taking the daughter’s dad to court you have her fulltime anyway?? And I’ve never done the child support thing, but aren’t the things you are complaining about what the support is for?
File for childsupport in your state…give them the fathers info…your state will contact his state … He will appear in court in his state you in yours then the state he lives in will set the CS according to his state’s laws… Stop worrying about your son’s dad…take the cs let him come and go as long as it keeps your son happy that is all that matters…when he is grown he will fully understand who was there… As long as you do not involve in your grown up problems… Your children should never know about cs or custody… They are kids do not drag them into grown up affairs… They will hate you for that and it should be considered child abuse…
My son has split custody with his sons mother and so when she has him or he has him, neither 1 pays anything to the other! NO CHILD SUPPORT NO NOTHING. BE GREATFUL FORCTHE LIL HE DOES. Your daughter… you should petition the court where you reside
I am pretty sad about this post and all of you woman shaming her! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ALL OF YOU. She is aloud to feel that way. Stop telling her to get over it or be grateful just because some of you didn’t have that. A toxic father is a toxic father if he keeps hurting the child by coming and going. Ladies get it together and stop being rude to her
You file in the state you are in . I would get a lawyer & then they will have him served by the Sheriff. I going thru a custody order right now for my granddaughter & both parents live in different states than I do & my Granddaughter lives here with my Husband & I. Court for us is March 24th. We started this back in October.
I would definitely talk to a family court law professional about your daughter. If you havent already, for your son, maybe try sharing your feelings with the noncustodial, a positive coparenting relationship is the best possible situation for your child, if that’s not possible then at least you tried 
good luck.
I read your post in its entirety and I think I know where you are coming from. He was ordered to pay $75 a week but doesn’t pay it always, inconsistent with the support. For that part, go to your local child support enforcement office and take your court order with you, file it through your State to enforce the order. Your local Superior Court where you obtained the order does not enforce it, only the State will make it an IVD Case, enforcing the order through wage garnishment (his payroll) therefore he will not have a choice but to work steady and maintain employment, otherwise they will block his driver’s license or even put out an arrest warrant for him after so much goes unpaid, but before they do that, they will also intercept any money he gets (as long as he owes more than $500 in arrears) meaning child support owed to you.
As for the custody, read your order. If you have physical & legal decision making of the child, read what the order states, how and when the child must go with ,the day or if any or if it’s your discretion.
About the father being Disneyland Dad, not much you can do, but explain to your son why you can’t get extra stuff for him cuz you make sure he has the essentials he needs for life, shelter, food, clothes, health insurance, etc… your son will eventually understand. I’ve dealt with a Disneyland Dad for the last 16 years and left me tell you, he has never done anything more than child support… my child has been fine and knows what time a day it is now. Dad has me the ex-wife with his 16 year old, he has a wife with a 13 year old and still legally married but live separately from the wife for the last 7 years and now has a new gf with 2 other kids of her own and didn’t even bother to share that with our teenage child until she caught it on social media & commented so he couldn’t take the heat and preferred to block her instead… yet he never makes time for her but has time for a new gf with children of her own, all while still being married🤔. You’re not alone…
Sometimes it’s best to handle it all ourselves as moms, kids find out on their own like mine did and it’s less headache dealing with the ex…
Take him to court for a raise & to cover expenses like day care, school fees, clothes etc. Show him proof that he has money to take your son places but doesn’t take care of his needs. Get a scheduled visitation. If he doesn’t show up for visits cut the visits off. I know kids need their dad. But he’s not being a dad. Your husband is. Kids need love & consistency. He’s not proving anything your son needs.
The topics is ab getting full custody yet most of the status is ab ur sons dad and u have had custody of him for yrs… U don’t actually ask ur question about getting full custody of ur daughter till the last like 4 lines… So I’m confused do they have the same dad or different dads.? I’m lost
Um, be happy hes involved at all and pays child support? Ok so he doesnt come around as much as you’d like, it is what it is. Have visitation set up??
You have full custody. Which means, like it or not, you are responsible for the majority of your child’s need. Ex is 100% right - the child support he pays is supposed to be going towards the things the child needs. $75 per week is more than enough to buy your kid clothes and shoes.
Stop trying to act like the parent who sees them the least should be paying for the majority of their bloody needs.
Stop having babies with men that ain’t shit!
Almost all of You
Replying are assholes , she was looking for advice , not to be belittled , u talk about her coming off as a jilted ex or mama … have u seen/heard how most of you are all talking on this thread a lone 
Let me get these straight… You fought for full custody…so sharing in the actual parenting responsibility of raising a child day to day you aren’t interested in. You want the money. You get money from him and don’t think its enough. You’re angry he would rather bring gifts to his son when he sees him as opposed to needed household items and you would rather he provides more of the essentials…or rather “step up” and help out more since “child support isn’t enough” … If you were interested in co-parenting that way…taking someone to court to have them ordered to pay money is pry not the most thrilled about wanting to help more . if you want him to be around more and contribute as a parent both physically AND financially make him do 50/50 no one gets child support and you both take care of him while y’all have him… Don’t sit here n say you want a more involved father while you fight to take his rights away
As for your daughter…if her father isn’t around and hasn’t been. Have him terminate rights. No one owes you anything for having kids with multiple shitty men. Take care of your kids and if something extra comes your way be graceful.
Why complain about the money or when father back and forth seems to me this is kinda selfish i mean your married got extra kids you obviously get extra income through family tax a and b you can’t expect father to bend over backwards to support more if he is on low income except what is and do better
You got full custody as you wanted, you get child support as you wanted so you get a lump sum more than some ever get, father is involved with kids life …I’m not seeing an issue just a bitter woman who wants more? YOU have full responsibility for your sons daily life and yes his child support goes to that AND he buys him stuff just because it’s not to your liking is not a reason to cause issue. Child support is for the child not what you think it should be spent on. Think smart use it wisely.
Stop talking bad about your sons father. It may be true. But he is still his father and of you stop your son from seeing his some times there dad you will hurt him more. Dont worry about what the father does not do and just take care of your child and do the best that you can for him. Your son woll grow up and he will realize what you and step dad have done for him. Give him time. One day your son will see his father for what he really is.
I dont get any child support. Count your blessings and quit being ungrateful
Marissa Williams don’t tell her what to do she is right about that you can’t tell her what to do at all so you need to stop telling her what to do about her kids father and her kid
Don’t expect or wait for a dime for your child. Take care of him and let him hang out with his dad here and there. Do not talk about it with your child or talk negatively to him about his dad because it will backfire! The dad wants to be the amusement park dad. Let him. Your son will figure it all out later.
My daughter has not long turned 8, never got a cent child support and will never ask either. Easier to just not bother with it from the beginning. My child, ill support her.
Becareful not to hurt u kids, thier caught in the middle, they love thier dad no matter who they are, they get hurt cause they love u both.try to be on good terms with thier dad if u can.
And don’t bad mouth the dad, as your son gets older he’ll figure out how his dad is.
75 a week isn’t bad if you get it even at year end. Taxes. Put the money back to do for your son when needed? clothes, haircuts shoes etc. I didn’t get much child support but if our son needed anything his Dad would get it for him. Never degrade Dad to your son. I don’t know why you just got custody after 10 years but your son loves his Dad. Your daughter you will have to find where they live to even begin getting her. Does she want to be with you? No age listed.
Umm he should be paying for his kid and coming around on a regular not just when he wants. Some people want to tell you to grow up when you are handling your business and he is not. Some people need to stop judging from their understanding and see yours. Everyone worries about finances from time to time and kids are expensive so cut the negative people out ya life and keep handling your business sister
It’s oblivious that some of y’all were never taught. If you have nothing nice to say don’t say anything at all. There is a right way and a wrong way to express your opinion. Think before you speak instead of going around hurting people with your words.
Honey it’s not the money your son will remember. It’s the time spent having fun and enjoying their dads company. The love they feel is what they’ll remember not how much money you spent on him.
My daughters father rolls like this, only much worse. Only turns up if he wants something for himself. I find peace in accepting that its his decision to be a drop kick and it’s simply not worth the hassle of even bothering to address the imbalance cause it won’t make him act any differently, pick ya battles and just be happy that you’re not like him
Wow. 4 kids, three different fathers.
Let your child have a relationship with his father. It’s too bad he doesn’t do more but that’s not your 12 year olds fault.
Sorry but both parents should support the child not just the father. You wanted custody of the child so that means you raise him and support him. Dad gives you child support so that should cover half the stuff he needs. Why is he paying your baby sitting fees. If you are having trouble buying your son stuff go and get a job if you haven’t got one or learn to budget ect
In IL child support is income based. Your getting your money from him rather it’s late or not. He chose not to be around and you chose to go for full custody so hold up your end as a full custody parent. Maybe you should go for joint custody if you expect more. Then he legally has to pay for half of everything. Sounds like your just trying to rely on the money you get from him to take care of your kid but now you also want full custody of another kid too.
call a lawyer. every state is different
I hope you really hear this…
Women are always hardest on each other, you momma are doing great.
Venting your frustrations and reaching out is just fine. It’s not like you are saying this to the kid
I’m in the same boat. Ex never worries about health, dental, sports, etc… doesn’t pay support.
Those things my husband and I deal with. It is very hard to be the responsible parent, it’s the most under appreciated position. No you can’t afford as much fun stuff sometimes because you have to worry about school supplies, health premiums and the like.
$300 a month is nothing if he doesn’t also kick in for insurance and extra curricular activities! Our premium for health and dental for our daughter is $378 monthly PLUS a 5k deductible. So if his support was $300 that would mean after just health he’d be in the hole for support over $250!
There are real life costs and no support doesn’t cover the whole expense but it should cover half ,of basics and they should be responsible for a split in health/sports/whatever.
Anyways my 2 cents you aren’t being unreasonable. He created a child and if he doesn’t have him half the time he should be balancing half his expenses.
We worry so much about not “asking for a lot”. Dads have a slew of excuses why they don’t kick in but the truth is they are just deadbeats. It’s really sad for the kids who pay the price for that and it’s really you who understands sacrifice.
I think her question is about getting custody and child support for her nine year old daughter who’s father is in another state and isn’t involved and hasn’t even done what the son’s father has… you file for support through where you live and provide his name and address. If you don’t know where he lives and can’t find it, there’s pretty much nothing you can do. He’d probably attend court over the phone if you did know and it’s too far to travel.
Let’s be clear $300 is enough to buy him school supplies once a year to but him clothes when he wants it shoes and whatever he needs. Put that money in his own account dont touch it unless he and only he needs something and you will see it’s enough. Some moms don’t even get a dollar, so honestly you should be happy. And REMEMBER HIS MONEY IS NOT FOR YOU TO OR YOUR OTHER CHILDREN It’s for him. Put it in his own account and let that money build up
Go to court and have it raised.
as one who never got child support at all, Please be grateful. I would also be grateful that your son is seeing his father, is doing fun things with your son. And trust me, he is old enough to say where or who he wants to live with. That is also something to think about !!!
The father is a piece s__it
It will never change ! Take the money you get and put in savings for all his needs
At least hes apending money on his kid apnd not drinking it away like mine did. Your son will figure out what kind of person his dad is. Mine did. My ex was hardly in my kids life. I never talked bad about him nor forbade them contact. My daughter usually refers to him by his given name . Somerimes its sperm donor. My son is more tolerant of him. My daughter is 19 and son is 22. Been divorced 16 years. He seldom paid support. If you try to keep your son from seeing his dad your son might start resenting you. Be happy the ex takes an occasional interest. When mine came around when my kids were older he usually had been drinking
Whatever ends up happening, NEVER speak negatively about the other parent in front of your child
You want full custody But say you already have it?
Sounds like my ex… I get $80/week total for two kids
I think some of the commenters aren’t seeing the entire thread. She stated he rarely or doesn’t pay the child support. Support goes past clothes and shoes. Support is also room and board. Electricity, water, food, school stuff and anything else. Yes 300 a month should be enough however she said he’s not paying that. Surprised the court hasn’t tried to arrest him yet.
Regarding getting custody of the 9 year old you will have to file and have him served in the state he resides in. Easier with a lawyer.
Go to the courthouse and they will tell you everything you would have to do.
Depending on where you live. You have to file paperwork serve him then he will have 30 days to reply if not then it goes against him every will be granted to you. If u can get legal aid
I don’t have any advice but think you’re doing amazingly considering the situation.
Umm go file for full legal and physical custody
Do hesitate for your sons sake!
Your courthouse should be able to tell you and family lawyers usually give free consultations
Document, document, document everything. I mean dates, times, place, occurrence and pics if you can get them. I agree you should go to the Courthouse and start the process of what they suggest. If he still gets visits, get supervised visits for your son’s sake. They need to know about his drug habits and whatever else that is significant to the case. Reach out to support groups in your area bc you’ll likely find people with experience and knowledge to help.
I’m assuming you’re not in the US so laws will vary. In the US if you’re not married & custody is not established mom has sole custody. Meaning she makes all decisions for the child including when/if the father sees the child. If you feel he’s dangerous to your son then don’t let him around him or only allow him to see him supervised by you or someone you trust. If you through the courts you can request drug tests, phycology exams & court ordered supervised visits which differs from your supervised visits because if he runs off your son it’s actually illegal. You will need a lawyer to make sure everything is done right.
I totally understand your point i do been there like most women have but dont mess with the dad thing it will make you both the bad guys ok just let him ride it out when mine got a little bigger i would suggest to them on items they needed like things for school an if he gave them money they kept it now they are grown an married have kids an they know an the grands he has well he dont see them the kids choice not mine my daughter actually told him off 1 day she let it out all of it on him my son he dont see him either an he has a brand new baby girl
My point is the kids always figure it out who is doing what for them
We went out all of before gr babies came dad said im your dad an you will respect me my son told him um no where have you been all my life i know were my moma was but not you it will all work out just let him hang him own self it will happen
Sounds like my world i have full custody he sees my daughter maybe once a month pays me 70 a week. I pay n support her 99.9% i personaly dont give a crap what hes doing im focused on raising her i pay for all bday partys n i invite him every once in a blue moon hell bring svhool supplies…i stopped careing along time ago bevause there was nothing i could do for him to be in her life n acually care shes 12 n has a choice on if n when she wants to see him she still holds him on a pedastool ill never understand y but thats her dad she loves him. My advice keep doing what ur already doing u cant force anything ur kid will realize one day but u gotta stop stressing about it u got more important things to worry about juat focus on ur kid n makeing memories with him because hell grow up amd realuze all the memories he has is w u all the love he feels is from u
Let me get these straight… You fought for full custody…so sharing in the actual parenting responsibility of raising a child day to day you aren’t interested in. You want the money. You get money from him and don’t think its enough. You’re angry he would rather bring gifts to his son when he sees him as opposed to needed household items and you would rather he provides more of the essentials…or rather “step up” and help out more since “child support isn’t enough” … If you were interested in co-parenting that way…taking someone to court to have them ordered to pay money is pry not the most thrilled about wanting to help more . if you want him to be around more and contribute as a parent both physically AND financially make him do 50/50 no one gets child support and you both take care of him while y’all have him… Don’t sit here n say you want a more involved father while you fight to take his rights away
Just to let you know its called sole legal custody because in the court if you go and say full custody there’s no such thing well atoeast that’s how it is in the state of Connecticut. And go file a motion against for sole legal and physical custody and give the judge your reasonings
The courts wont set up an arrangement of YOUR wants or rules unfortunately…they will take your concerns into consideration…but if he passes a drug test they will not give you sole custody.
Depending on the state you live in there are tons of free clinics and a help line, some states have diy paperwork on their websites… if you were never married though the child essentially belongs to both of you as well as neither of you. He could just decide to not give him back to you one day and theres nothing you can do about it with a court order. I represented myself in my custodial case.
Go to your local legal aid or equivalent. The process is long, but they usually have someone who will answer your questions and give you advice for free. I’m currently going through the same thing, so if you ever want to chat my inbox is open
My ex husband was an alcoholic, doing drugs, physically abusive and had a criminal record and they refused to grant sole custody. They told me unless he was molesting them or giving them drugs he wasn’t an unfit father. It isn’t easy to get sole custody.
You need a parenting plan. It is what the law will enforce.
you can’t fix him. until he goes to rehab because he truly wants it, not to just please you or his family, it will not work. get custody, and ask that he be courted ordered to get random drug tests.