Your a rebound for him and he just doesn’t want to be alone. 12 years is a long time and he needs to figure out what he wants. It’s not about you however you need to love yourself and let him go. Let the man heal and go find someone who is ready for all that love you have to give.
He not in love with you time to move on for you and your kids
If he’s saying he isn’t good enough for you, believe him. From experience he’s got something else going on in his head or physically
Sounds like it’s a habit for him and the grass was t greener on the other side like he thought
Hon, you were the rebound. It wasn’t love for him, it was an escape from the pain of splitting from his long term relationship. Move on for your sake and the sake of your kids. You can’t force someone to love you.
I guess this could fall under R U OK? As long as you have a roof over your head and your family is secured then I wouldn’t be bothered much. He might be going through something only he needs to figure out and space and privacy is sometimes all they need. He’s working so that’s a bonus because when you have kids, it’s really important to have a man that works.
Give it time because as the saying goes, if you can’t be with me during my worst then you can’t be here during my best.
You were just a rebound and now he’s ready to move on. It sucks but it happens. You can try to fix the relationship but it’s over. No man would say he’s fallen out of love unless he really has. You definitely should date a lot longer than 9 months before getting into a serious relationship. That’s not enough time to truly get to know someone and love deeply.
Leave. You are on love with what he has lead you to believe he is. Huge RED flags. Get out while you can. Read about narcissists. This has narc ask over it. He’ll tell you everything you want while he needs you, then discard you like a piece of crap when he doesn’t. The circle will keep going… Until you break it
Leave. Give him the space he feels he needs. Either he is going to want you back or you were just a rebound from his Ex
you’re his rebound, ur not married so just leave while u can
I’m going to say that I think he needs time to heal from the old relationship. He sees you as someone he could move on with but he’s not ready and is scared to let you go because he can see a future with you. I would give him space
Maybe you should take your kids and go stay somewhere else for couple weeks or so give him some time away usually they will realize what they are loosing if none of y’all are there for him it will work itself out pray bout it
Sorry sounds like you were a rebound. A lot of times things that start strong fast fizzle out just as fast.
Having a relationship for 12 years is not something easy to just get over. Especially married. I honestly don’t think he’s really dealt with the emotions he needed to to get some kind of closure. He may be going through this at this point. Problem for you is when a man says he needs space believe him. Men I learned cut straight to the point and us women we tend to just over think and question ourselves alot. I personally don’t think this man wants to be with you. He says he fell out of love, needs space, and ignores you and your children. That isn’t fair to you. I would try to contact friends or family and see if you can stay with them. I would not call him or text. I would literally leave him alone. If he makes absolutely no effort to speak or see you, it’s considered done. I would honestly just prepare for the worse and start looking for your own place. Hope things get better for you.
He told you what he needed. 12yrs is a LONG time, and he needs time to rediscover himself. The pressure of being with someone again is probably weighing on him. This doesnt mean he didn’t want you or anything. I’d support him, and let him grow even if that means a no strings attached relationship or a simple supportive friendship.
This also means that you are not there to provide for him. He needs to get up and out on his own two feet.
You got together a month after he ended a 12 yr relationship. HONESTLY you were his rebound girl. Time to move on.
You were the in between one. I’ve been her too. The one he rebounded to, but didn’t choose to be with
Leave and live your life w someone that loves you!!!
you need to believe you are a good woman, your worth, to believe in yourself, you shouldn’t have to beg for attention!
Honestly either sounds like he is still pining over ex…or cheating with someone new…
It takes two to build a relationship Your trying all by yourself Take care of you I’m really sorry
9 months and he’s given up? He’s telling you all you need to know.
Give him his space and take yours. “Getting over one by getting under another” never works and is not true especially for men. He wants time to be a single man and do single things. Let him go. You’re both in different places in life
12years is a long time to be with someone. You were his rebound and a homey space while he got used to being without her. He either a isn’t over it, or b is finally to a point he wants to do the single thing. It’s not fair to you, but its the gamble you take getting with someone that soon after that long of a relationship.
My advice is to stop trying. Nothing works when you have to push it
Honey, he needs time to heal from a 12 yr long relationship ending.
Take your kids and move out.
Maybe he will be ready soon, maybe not.m, but no reason for you to suffer while he heals.
You were a rebound…sounds like he feels as though you could be more but 12 years is a long time to be with someone. He needs time to be alone, learn how to love himself again and find out his updated likes/dislikes. Give him his space or risk smothering him. Text book case of "set him free, if he comes back great, if not let him go.
Leave. He jumped into a relationship to soon after his long term relationship ended… he isn’t ready for that kind of commitment yet.
Give his space as much as it might hurt you. He’s going through some stuff
He was with his ex for a very long time and got with you so soon after the break up. He didn’t give himself Abby breathing room. In don’t want to sound mean but you were the rebound. He’s not trying and not willing. You need to go
Truthfully , you are better off without him . If he has nothing to do with you are your children and the relationship was fast to start with .
Let’s just say he is. It planning on a future with you and he probably is lying about his ex . If he isn’t communicating with you and he doesn’t seem to want to be around you when he is there at the place you live together …
Sweetheart there is your sign , leave him , dump him , tell him to hit the road Jack . You don’t need him , he needs you for sex and to cook for him and wash his clothes that’s it .
I pray for you and pray that you make the right choice before your heart gets broken and your children gets attached to someone who don’t want to be apart of there life …
He’s done. Let him go.
You were a rebound,move on sweetie,sorry to be so blunt
Sorry to say but u were the rebound relationship leave him and find someone that loves u
For every year you’re with someone you should take at LEAST 3 months of being single. The reason for this is time to grieve the relationship and mourn so to speak the loss. Give him lots of space, move out and begin dating. Don’t rush it rebounds never last in a relationship
It sounds like he’s already told you what he wants. And what he doesn’t want. I’m sorry, honey.
“He’s just not that into you”. Seriously, it’s nothing to do with you. He is a coward. He would rather keep someone around that he’s not that keen on than be alone. Don’t be that girl, you’re worth more than that. Adjust your crown and keep moving on.
You said it: y’all move to damn fast. Now he do t know what to do. You can’t give him any encouragement when he doesn’t even know what to do. He jumps to another relationship after 12 years. He is NOT ready for another relationship. He wants to enjoy his freedom and even maybe go back to his ex. If I was you, I will give him his freedom (no time). You will be around the house waiting on him to make his mind and you will continue being miserable. Move on. You and your children deserve peace.
Positive advice - you deserve better! You are your kids are worth happiness, not waiting around for someone who is not that interested in you!
You can’t force someone to love you. Move out and give him time. Diving into a new relationship one month after a separation is definitely a rebound situation. That was really selfish of him. He was just trying to make himself feel better after his break up. Maybe also trying to make his ex jealous?
What is more - It’s difficult to take on someone else’s children and he may have struggled with that. It’s only been 10 months. He’s probably still not over his break up. Move out. Allow him time to figure out what he wants. Just don’t sit around and wait for the outcome you want. Go out and enjoy yourself and meet new people.
think of yourself and your kids. let him go
You were his rebound relationship. He is telling you how he feels both with words and actions. You need to move on because he isn’t going to give you what you need, want, and deserve.
He just lost his whole family. Wife and kids. Then you move yourself and your kids in with him almost as a replacement family while he was lost and confused. Of course he has nothing left to give. I think it was awfully risky to uproot your family and register your kids in that school zone after him only being separated from her for a month. I mean what did you think was going to happen? There’s no way he’s even remotely close to being able to invest himself into the kind of commitment you are trying to force him to be ready for. Like I said he was lost and confused and unfortunately you were there. I really am sorry, I know it hurts but he’s telling you how he feels and where he’s at in life. He’s being honest. Believe him and respect that.
Nothing should be this complicated in 9 months… Just go.
You shouldn’t have moved in at all. Leave this man alone. You and your children will not replace what he is mourning. How old are you?
Dont even try the minute he told you he needed space and didnt have feelings for you was the time you needed to pack your shit and leave. You cant change a persons mind, i mean why would you ever want someone who ever even thought that. Move on, does it suck and hurt? Of course but you will heal and find someone amazing
Learn from this hold your own space next time and dont get your kids involved so early on . Just keep your own place and date , get sitter for kids and go slow . This relationship is done take your kids and go gracefully.
He can’t make himself love you sounds like the problem…it’s sad but probably best to just face it and move on
You are his rebound chick and that never usually works and he’s not gotten over his ex in a month. His words and actions should be telling you everything. Personally I wouldn’t have given up everything and changed my kids lives so soon. I’d barely have let mine meet him never mind move in with him. 6 months or so is my time limit to meet my kids.
You are the rebound. I’m sorry
Give him the space he’s asked for. If he comes back to you, he’ll have less baggage.
If hes falling out of love with you and wants distance you’re better off just leaving him
Well he wasn’t split up anywhere near long enough to have gotten back into a relationship at all other than a rebound relationship and those are always fast because it’s new and exciting b and different. And you rushed into it. I mean they were split up a month and you’ve only been together 9 months and already merged households. What you need to do is listen to him. He spent 12 years with her. It most likely has nothing to do with not being over her and everything to do with rushing into something he wasn’t ready for but thought he was because it was new and exciting.
He needs time to heal. One month after a 12 year relationship??? Like, i get it, honestly. But you need to think of your kids and give him space… I’m not saying stop talking to him but you gotta back up or it’s only gonna push him away for sure…
You were the rebound woman. Move on
12 years with someone and only a month apart? It takes a longer than that to get over someone. You were a rebound. I’d personally move on… I know you love him but you deserve to be with someone who can love you the way you do them! He needs time to heal…
move start over work on you …
he Cleary has already checked out …
I’m sorry to say this but u was the rebound relationship I would pack your things up and take your kids and start a fresh I know it must hurt but it’s not going to work
if someone wants to leave…let them go!!!
Omg 9 months and ya move in with him and your poor kids give ur head a wobble silly girl poor kids
He was in a very long term relationship and hasn’t had a chance to be single and learn to be alone. He rebounded with you unfortunately for you. He’s probably realised what he did and how he wasn’t over his ex enough to be in a relationship with someone so soon. 12 years will be very hard to move on so fast for him.
He isn’t ready for a relationship and likely if he was it wouldn’t be with you. He just jumped into a relationship straight away because he isn’t used to being single and wanted that family thing back.
9 months is incredibly soon to move in with a relationship that’s so new. It’s time for you to end and move out and move on.
In future make sure the relationship is working well before picking up yours and the kids life.
He isn’t the one for you no matter how much you love him
12 years with someone is a very long time. Would say he’s not ready to move on. If he’s asked for space and has fell out of love with you move on. 9 months is also a very short time to move in together
You should leave…focus on you & your kids. Drop all contact with him, make him miss you and appreciate you. If it’s meant to be, he will come for you.
Move on and never introduce your kids to someone so fast as this can always happen
You were a rebound and he’s not into you. Move on
Unfortunately for you it sounds like you was something to numb how he’s feeling. It isn’t nice , your intentions were pure, as his they were clouded. He might have feelings for you but the state of the way he’s moved on seems progressively too soon. I’m sorry your going through this. Take some time out and walk away and if it’s meant to be then he’ll come back. By you staying now your self esteem will become lower and you’ll feel more and more worthless. You need to walk away for yourself and your children xxxxx
I cannot stand this type of man. I am so sorry. He should not have done this. He should have been more aware and more in control of the situation. It should not have been like that. He should always put you and the kids before himself. I don’t tolerate that. I am sorry sweetheart. He is the only one to blame. You don’t need him, he needs you more x
Stay strong xx
He didn’t have time to grieve the loss of the previous relationship and you’re the rebound! Just leave for your sake and for that of the kids.
Im sorry it sounds like he rushed after finishing the long term relationship - without giving himself any time to reflect/heal… or know what he wants… and rushed straight into a relationship with you. It sounds like he mistaken feelings - maybe lust for love and has now realised. It doesn’t sound like he wants to be with you, especially if you’re the only one trying.
Sounds like you were the rebound/escape and your kids are collateral damage. You have a man who doesn’t want to be with you, but he doesn’t want to be alone. You’re just hurting yourself (and your kids) by staying.
He spent 12 years and 2 kids with someone and y’all met a month later. He should’ve been upfront and told you from the jump that you were a rebound.
I think love sorry to say this he doesn’t love you you were there to pic pieces up but it happened too quick he’s still not got over 12 yrs being with someone he needs space just to see what he wants in life .he probably is very fond of you but his emotions are everywhere .give him time month apart from his ex is far too soon .have a break ,
For your sake, cuz you love him, move on…. Sounds like the former lady of 12 years & 2 kids left him, you were the next person available to fill his void and y’all dragged along your two kids (not cool), if you love him move out and stay close by to see if anything develops later on but have no contact with him unless he tries and it’s his effort 100%. Best of luck…
You can’t force someone to be in a relationship. As a favor to yourself and maybe to save what’s left of your dignity, move out and take care of yourself and kids. It takes two people to fight for a relationship.
Sweetheart this is why you give it time after a failed relationship because all you were was the rebound it was fun and distracting for him he has now realized that that part of his life is over and he is grieving losing his kids his marriage he is probably feeling like a failure many things he is probably feeling I would give him space give him a chance to miss you give him time to figure this out he sounds like he is just rolling through the motion of everyday life along with trying not to push you out totally I think you need to leave and focus on you and your kids and let him work through his issues I know after my first marriage of 10 years ended it took me 5 years before I could honestly live another before I could love anyone else I had to learn to live myself again because he took that all away now my husband and I have been together almost 19 years so give him time and if you two are meant to be it will be
I’m sorry but all I can think here is why are you’re kids emotionally invested in a man you’ve only known for 9 months?!
He was with someone for 12 years and had almost 0 time to actually heal from that relationship, whatever part of you thought this was a good idea needs help.
Leave and put your kids before yourself, even if kids were not involved leave for your own self worth… like read your post back as if it weren’t you because there is no way that sounds right to any logical loving mother. Just my opinion though.
He may just really need to process everything. You said it was only a month after his divorce that you started dating and that you moved fast, best thing you could do is give him his space truthfully. It will help him to really decide what he wants. I know it’s hard but, the only way to make sure you are right together is to makesure you are both all good apart ( he really needs to find himself). I’m sure you don’t like hearing that but, do what’s best for your kids and you
You moved to fast and now your kids are paying the price. Learn from this and don’t rush things next time. Dating and playing family are two totally different things. It’s probably to much for him. The sooner you get out the sooner you can all heal
after a long relationship ending it takes time to get into the swing of life ,u get lonely and sad and u need someone to spend time
with, u end up being with anyone just to fill that void. i would say when u got together he was in that stage of just needing someone to help him get on with things,unfortunately with that came two kids and someone who wanted something more serious obviously.
he has clearly grown and moved forward from his ex, healed a bit and in the mean time realised your not what he is wanting.
he is being polite not to hurt u and probs feels stuck in a a position where he knows if he pushes u hard enough without saying anything you will leave and it will be all over.
do your self and your kids a huge favour and walk away.
he isn’t the man for you , his honey moon and rebound period is over and he knows deep down he just doesn’t have those feelings but doesn’t want to hurt you by saying it.
leave and go be happy. plenty of fish in the sea.
Leave let him grow with out you.
He was in a very long term relationship , & you guys got together within a month, He really wasn’t ready, It’s not your fault nor his, He really needed more time to deal with the breakup, no matter who’s fault it was , Leave & get your own place, If he really wants you, you will date you NO one should ever jump into any relationship that quickly after a very long term one, Leave
Leave. You deserve better
You are killing him with kindness.
Yeah sounds like he ain’t over the break down of his last relationship, maybe you both just need some time apart and let him sort himself out, have a sit down and talk to each other about how you feel,
The fact that you said you got with this man after a 12 year relationship in a month says a lot. Says even more because you have kids that are involved. Your basically begging for a relationship he doesn’t want while also being a maid. If he wanted you he would show you. All those red flags and you color blind. Take your kids and go before you get hurt even more
I would move out. He needs time and space to be on his own. You two can still have a relationship but you need to take it slower. It will be good for all of you.
Don’t know why you thought it was a good idea to move you and your kids in with a man you barley knew.
Honey cut that man loose!! U can’t make somebody love u. Move on n live ur best life.
My experience is that they are usually telling you the truth. You are right you just moved too fast. Now unfortunately your kids will suffer another loss. Your next move needs to be what is best for your kids not some moody selfish man.
To be honest it sounds to me he just doesn’t want to be alone
I would give him his space, move away, don’t engage in casual catch ups. He doesn’t sound invested. It will hurt to leave but from not doing so you are prolonging the inevitable. YOU deserve MORE !! He doesn’t sound like he will have the emotional strength to support you in sickness and in health. YOU deserve more and you will get more if you’re not caught up in what seems to be a null and void situation. It’s a toxic comfort zone.
Not meant to be harsh but a person who puts more into a relationship than the other and pushes to save it may actually be pushing the other person away. You come across as desperate and groveling. And then it becomes smothering. I don’t know your living situation (originally his house or a new place you found together) but good for you to keep kids in mind. He needs his space but truth is he may replace you…you already know that. Prepare for a different life. Separate yourself from him emotionally—create your own social circle, tend to kids’ needs and interests. And start seeking a home near children’s school rather than uproot them. Create an “escape route”. I don’t believe the ex is the issue that he didn’t live between you two, perhaps didn’t take time to himself. That phone will be a bane between you two but comments will only make it worse. To be honest, it doesn’t sound like you are happy in the relationship either.
I have been there. The separation is hard but the strength you find is refreshing. Good luck!
He isn’t over the previous relationship. I mean it was 12 years long and only a month before you guys got together. My first relationship was two years and was toxic. That alone took me a year to get over. I did the same thing got with someone. I really liked him but a month into it I knew I wasn’t over my ex so I broke up with him bc I wasn’t ready. We got back together a few months later and have been together since! 5 years together! Two of them married and a three year old! We also have full custody of his 7 year old! Give him the time he needs and he may come back. He may not. My husband was devastated when I left him even after only being together a month. He took me back though when I was ready and I love him so.
He never should have gotten into a relationship after just 1 month of leaving a 12 year relationship. He wasn’t ready. You were basically just filling a empty space to help him cope but now he realized your not what he needs. It’s definitely not you, it’s him. He doesn’t want to let you go because you’ve been there and he probably appreciates you for that but he needs to be alone and fix himself. That’s something you can’t do or help him with. You should leave him and let him fix himself and just be his friend and support him in his process.
Let him know you love him enough to let him go. And then be an example to your children of what a mature, graceful Woman you are. Make this break thoughtfully with consideration for Everyone. Focus on you and your children moving forward. Good luck
What a horrible feeling, I’m sorry. You can’t make someone care/love you. Next time don’t rush things and give a relationship time before bringing the kids into it. If I was you I’d stop trying and give myself time to heal from the rejection and find someone who would love me as much as I loved them
9 months and you act crazy?
For the sake of your kids, move on.
Girl ur a rebound a maid n a roommate to help with the bills and his sex thing …get the hint n leave with the kids…he’s obviously stuck on the ex and you yourself sound like u want him to b a daddy to ur kids …he doesn’t want u …move on
Just go. It’s gonna hurt cause you invested time. But if he is telling you this, just take the hint and go.
Sorry, Sweetheart, there is nothing to save. He doesn’t want it, he told you.
He told you he is not longer in love. Nothing to fix. That’s a him feeling not anything you can change.