So me and my boyfriend have been together for 9 months…we moved kinda fast because we felt it was right…he was with his ex before me for 12 years…and we had starting talking about a month after they split…well in the past few months he has asked for space and wanted me to leave because he says he has fallen out of love with me and wants to figure out what he wants…i left for a weekend so that my kids didn’t miss school because we had already enrolled them here…I’m head over heels for this man and all of my kids love him to death as well…since he said that I have tried talking to him and and tried getting him to go out on dates with me so that we can spend one on one time together but he isn’t budging…he works and comes home and works in his garage…he will come in and eat and sit on his phone all night…I do everything around the house…cook clean take care of the kids…when I take the kids to go do something he has no interest in joining anymore…I’m trying so hard to fight for our relationship but I feel like I’m not getting anything in return…part of me believes he still wants to be with his ex but she has moved on and moved out of state with her fiancé…when they talk they only talk about their 2 kids they have together…he says that his ex has nothing to do with what he’s dealing with and I want to believe him but its hard…he says he wants me here because he’s afraid if he tells me to leave that he feels it would be a mistake…I’m trying to get him to try and want this relationship but its like he has nothing left to give…I keep telling him all the time that he is a good man and he is worth it but its like he doesn’t believe it in himself…
What do I do??? Please don’t be rude I’m trying so hard here…just need some positive advice or encouraging words.
Give him his space. Things went too fast.
He was single for 1 month after a 12yr relationship then jumped into something with you. I really don’t think he is going to “come around” or be what you want him to. It was new and exciting and then it wore off.
He says he wants space and yet all you do is not leave him be. Give the man his space.
Take your kids n go- he already told you. You can’t “make” him love you
After 12yrs he was in a relationship within a month? 9 months and already moved in with kids the lot…
- He asked for space
- Your the rebound
- His kids are now interstate and hes in house surrounded by yours.
Have some empathy. Give him space. Too much too fast.
He said he doesn’t love you, his actions definitely show it. You and your kids deserve better. Move on.
Agreed. Space. You can’t fix this. He needs time to fix himself. Let him.
Idk mine got with me after a long relationship (2 years) and after a while started that always at work always in the shop always in his phone shit too… and after me trying every which way to get him to acknowledge me and how much I was trying I found out he was cheating on me with his next exciting woman that distracted him from how bad his ex burned him. I was used. And we worked it out I guess, we’re better now than we were then but good is far from an accurate description. May want to reevaluate the situation
I’d leave . You can’t make someone love you .
To me it’s sounds like he is using you, he out of love with you but he doesn’t want you to stop taking care of him? Not to mention do you really wanna stay with someone who doesn’t want anything to do with your kids?
Either stop trying so hard and show little interest in him or leave it’s one of the two no one sided relationship works
As hard as it is to hear because you fell hard is the fact you probably were a rebound. There is no way he was over a 12 yr and 2 kid relationship in a month. Take your kids and go if its ment to be it will be.
Don’t stay with someone who doesn’t love you and treats you badly.
You need to please hear what he said. He says he fell out of love with you. Please figure out if that’s ok with you ?? You are worth more than this!
He does not love you and nothing in the world is sadder if you stay. Leave, he does need space. You both moved way too quickly! It’s over especially if your the only one trying I’m sure he finds that a real turnoff!!!
You have to love yourself more than you love him.
Honey, you need to go.
He isn’t ready.
It really may not be about you. 
Need to leave and know you deserve better for you and your kids. Don’t let him treat you like a doormat
He wants his cake and eat it too. Nope! 
Don’t be his mistake. Keep his heart!
They say it takes two years to get over a relationship and he didn’t get over it so give him lots of space
I’m just over 3 months removed from almost a 5 year relationship and we were supposed to get married in July. A month after, I was in no shape to talk to someone let alone consider a relationship. The summer was hell and I spent time isolated, dwelling and trying to drown my sorrows. I’m in a much better space now and healing so yeah. I definitely think after your guy getting out of a 12 year relationship, he does need space to sort out his mind and feelings. Nothing against you in any way but it doesn’t seem like he gave himself time to recover from the last gal. That’s my 2 cents in this. I hope it helps.
Listen to him, leave and move on. It sounds like a relationship that’s run it’s course. Not all of them work out and since it hasn’t even been that long it’s normal after being together for a little while to realize this isn’t the right relationship for you. You moved fast and unfortunately it didn’t work out.
Time to go…you don’t deserve that
Ok so what I’m about to say I say with kindness and pain in my heart for you. That being said I just don’t think he’s that into you anymore. Think about how you would act if you didn’t love someone romantically anymore but loved as a friend. You would be standoffish, on your phone nonstop, absent even when present, unwilling to be alone on dates, and just not trying. He’s trying to tell you something and your not listening. He already told you and your trying to make him be in love with you when he clearly has other plans. You need to respect that and start making steps to move out and on. You can’t make someone love you it won’t work. He’s afraid to be alone and you deserve someone that is afraid to be without you!!! 
Stop painting the red roses white, love. He’s giving you every out in the book and you’re going harder for him. That’s not love nor does it leave you with much dignity. If he said he’s not in love anymore why are you trying to make him feel it again?
Go. Pack your stuff and your kids stuff and move out. He’s said what he wants and you’re acting like he might not mean what he said. Do you realize how hard that would be to say to you.
Leave. There’s something else better for you out there.
It’s all hitting him, you and him were a whirlwind it kept his mind off all the hurt and pain of his failing relationship…Now it’s all hitting him what he’s lost, what he misses, his mind & heart are in a different place. He needs space and time to figure out what he wants, he needs to find himself! I’m sorry but you were a distraction from what he was avoiding dealing with. Give him space, let him find himself he may or may not come back around. Focus on what’s best for you and your children because right now he’s not! He’s in self preservation mode because all the stuff he didn’t deal with is smacking him in the face! He’s not at his best right now and you deserve better! Don’t blame yourself just give your relationship a break. If it’s meant to be it will all workout.
Why would you want to STAY WITH SOMEONE WHO CLEARLY DOESN’T WANT YOU!!! DON’T YOU LOVE YOURSELF? ARE YOU THAT DESPERATE? IF ANYONE TELL ME THAT THEY DON’T LOVE ME ANYMORE. I WOULD BE GONE WITH THE WIND. YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY. MOVE ON DEAR. YOU’RE ONLY MAKING YOURSELF UNHAPPY. TAKE YOUR KIDS AND LEAVE NOW.
First time a guy says he does not love you anymore and needs to figure things out, go. Believe him the first time, girl. Have more respect for yourself and let it be known for your children how their mother should be treated, talked to, and loved in a relationship—Good luck.
When a person goes through a divorce and does not grieve the loss of that marriage properly and in a healthy way it will trickle down into the next relationship. I met my current husband 2 months after I filed for divorce from my first and we got married as soon as my divorce was finalized. My current husband was divorced for 3 years before we got together. We were BOTH not ready as NEITHER of us had dealt with our feelings of loss and anger from our first marriages. Time isn’t the issue. Healing is.
He didnt fall out of love with you not to be mean but he just never did he was coming off a 12 year relationship and jumped into one with you of course he still has feelings for her that would be weird if he didnt i would take my kids and go honestly you can do better and deserve better just stay away from men that are in the same or similar situations
Give him a little space… it is hard being a father to someone else’s kids when he in return is not there for his own and that is probably alot on him. Give him space and give him time it sounds like he is in a depression. If he is a good man and everything please just stay by his side and help him through it. As women we don’t really see men in vulnerable states like this and it sounds like he needs you in his corner now more than ever
He needs to be by himself, as much as that hurts you. He went straight from a very long relationship, to you. He never had time to grieve that one, even if he wanted to end it. Sorry.
Don’t let a man have to tell you twice that he doesn’t want you.
What are you still doing there
Bye. 
Lots of fish in the sea. 
I’m sorry but it sounds like you were his “Rebound Girl”.
To be honest I would leave and give him his space. If you have exhausted everything in the book with nothing in return then it’s time to stop trying. If he feels like it’s a mistake then it’s his loss. You’ll find someone that’ll show you your worth.
First mistake getting that close to someone that has only been split up after 12 yr relationship. After 12 years a month. So sad he just using you. You might love him but you cant make him love you. Most likely wasnt in love with you in a month. Hes not out of love with his ex. If he had just solit up he waa just looking for simeone to move on with the same way he was with her. If ya knew it wasnt long since a 12 yr relationship broke up. You should of taken it slow no matter what he said. Unfortunately you set yourself up for this. I mean seriously 12 years and you thought it was over in a month. There are millions of men in the sea dont grab the first one that shows you attention and lock down on it. Listen to what they are bringing to the table. A 12 year relationship was your first sign to say no.
He has been with someone for 12 years a lot of times people don’t know how to be single or without someone I hate to say it but you are a rebound. Maybe let him have space and go your separate ways and let him see what life’s like without being in relationship.
Unfortunately, if it’s not an emphatic yes…it’s no. If someone isn’t sure, they really just mean they don’t want to be with you. I hope you find someone you deserve next time. Also, go slow and make sure both people have had time to heal from past relationships and are ready. We move too quickly without healing sometimes and inadvertently hurt people.
Leave him for sanity ur trying and he is dissing you read the signs
I mean this lovingly… Bit je just got out of a 12 yr relationship right before you. He didn’t have time to get over it. You’re a rebound.
I encourage you to let him go because I’m positive he wants to be maintained
He needs space. He jumped right into a relationship with you after his divorce. I think you should leave and allow him time to figure out what he wants. Take your kids and leave.
He never had time to find out who he was without her. He should of never moved you and kids in so soon and enrolled in another school especially when he’s felt this way for months. Good luck sounds exhausting
It won’t work if you are the only one trying…you may have to just move on.
He did not heal himself and jumped into a relationship as a means to “numb the pain, not feel hurt, suppress his feelings/emotions” from the end of a 12 year relationship. No matter how they ended, that person will still “grieve” for a certain amount of time from the lose of a relationship especially it being that long in time. Everything he suppressed BEFORE and did not heal, acknowledge and work through is coming back in the forefront. He just doesn’t know how to tell you… LET HIM GO, let him him heal on his own. YOU cannot help, you will only make it more difficult, waste your time, and hurt yourself more in the process from something out of your control. He needs to grieve. Let him…
Don’t force it. If it’s not returned it’s not meant for you. And I’m sorry the kids got involved.
You can NOT make a man want to be with you 
Move on…
Oh honey… you can’t make someone love you. It sounds like you were a rebound after a long term relationship, and he clearly wasn’t ready. Your relationship went further and faster than he expected, and he’s realized that and wants out. My advice… take your children and your dignity and leave.
I’d leave without a return date. See if that helps him make up his mind. If he doesn’t want to change his current attitude or doesn’t want you back, move on.
Sis, he is using you. He’s done. He just wants u there to keep you hoping. Hes keeping you just close enough so you don’t look elsewhere. Move on
I honestly don’t think that he was ready to move on. 12 years is a long time. I think he cares for you and thinks he is sparing you by not telling you he wants out. You need to walk away, you can’t force someone to want what you do. Trust me I learned that the hard way. You deserve someone who wants you in return and loves you back. Hugs for you hun.
Don’t stay where you’re not wanted.
He is done hunny. It’s over
He needs a long good while by himself to figure out what he wants out of life, to break dysfunctional patterns that are present and contributed to the end of the marriage, what we don’t heal we continue to repeat over and over. Unfortunately in your case your kids were also brought into the equation and it’s hard for kids to make sense of it all, they really can’t. You deserve better. You gotta choose to be in relationship with an individual that’s not sorting through what’s happened in his 12 yrs marriage and its demise. It’s not fair to you either.
Girl it’s time for u to move on. If he’s on his phone a lot he’s probably talking to somebody else. I’d get out and on with my life I wouldn’t waste another day on him
Don’t force anything move on
You’re the rebound. Keep your dignity and move on!
You’re the rebound… he doesn’t want to be alone but he doesn’t know what he wants to do… he feels something for yall, but not enough to keep him investing himself in your relationship… im sorry…
You are a rebound he’s done time to move on
Take the hint. Move on
He is trying to be straight forward with you. If the man says he doesn’t love you. you can’t force him to because you’re “head over heels” Move on. 9 months ain’t nothing.
He straight up said he doesn’t think he wants it anymore. So say bye and stop fighting for something that doesn’t exist.
Hes already showed you as well as told you that he doesnt want you or the relationship anymore.you need to move on.Sounds to me like you were just a rebound…i know that hurts to hear but jumping into a relationship so fast after a breakup is never a good idea.He was using you to move on…i think you need to respect yourself enough to leave.
By his behaviour I’d move out, Don’t keep giving it your all to get nothing in return
Sweetie that man has already left the relationship. It’s over. Move on
Sounds like having you there is a convenience to him. He’s told you that he’s fallen out of love with you and he’s trying to get in the right headspace so you can give him space to figure things out but know that more than likely it will not end in your favor. He never healed from splitting up with his ex wife on his own terms…. Sounds like he needs to do that now.
Honey u was a rebound take ur kids and go. U can find better he might realize he made a mistake. If u really leave not going to happen in a weekend enroll ur kids else where. And go stay with family.
I’m actually in the same kind of boat. I have a man that has two kids and I have one. I’m trying to figure out what to do myself. I want and feel like to leave. My son doesn’t really want to leave. He does everything even cooks, cause I can’t do a lot. I have Rheumatoid arthritis. Idk what to do lol. So it’s hard giving you advice. I hope you two can work it out.
I’m sorry, but you caught him on the rebound. I think it’s over.
I would of gave it time after him and his ex split to try to date hes probably still hurting
Just leave. In the end he will leave if he doesnt want to be there. Dont hurt yourself more by trying to hold on it just makes it a million times worse.
Lady do yourself a favor pine hills or woundso
He sounds like he has totally checked out of the relationship. You are in this relationship alone. I am so sorry sweetie. It doesn’t appear as if things will change. You will know when you’ve had enough.
So, if cant afford to move, then move rooms.
Quit doing for him
Give him space .quit texting,calling, etc. Just stack your coins and peace out
I think he moved to fast after a 12 year relationship ended, that’s a very long time, his exe has moved on but his heart hasn’t for her, he didn’t get a chance to heal, I had a similar thing happen only i was the exe and he moved on to fast with another girl within a month as well, he did it to get me off his mind but ended up crushing the other girls heart, I hope it works out but it sounds like he’s just not happy at all
He’s already left the relationship now you’re just in the way move on you’ll be better off for it
It’s been 9 months. The excitement and puppy love has ended for him. Time to move on
Do yourself a favor. All that love you want from that man, give it to yourself.
Move out or have him move out however. No contact 30 days. If he really feels for you, he will reach out. Do not keep forcing it if he does not feel it give him space and a lot of it. Tell him
“ if you aren’t sure of us, then I am not sure of us! And maybe you should be alone” Matthew Hussey is great! Look him up look up Tony Robbins and Ace Metaphor. Derrick Jaxn are also great resources omg girl go love yourself the way you deserve!
End this relationship it’s DOA! You’re not going to get the love and relationship you’re seeking from him. He has clearly not healed from his last relationship that was over a decade and there was only a month of him processing it before you guys got in a relationship, which is incredibly unhealthy! You need to move on and let him be if he decides down the road he’s actually ready and willing to be a committed partner than fine. But as of right now he’s clearly not ready for any relationship!
I’m gonna be honest and it might be a little hard to hear but here goes…You were the rebound chick. It sucks but it seems that he used you to try to get over his ex. Your novelty has worn off to him. He has asked for space and told you that he fell out of love with you. TBH, he probably didn’t love you in the first place. Instead of trying to make it work with this man, you need to move on. He doesn’t love you and the longer you try to make it work, the harder it’s going to be for you to leave. 9/10 there’s another female in the picture and that’s why he’s distancing himself from you.
I’m just wandering how people figured out their problems before fb
I think he’s grieving. You say his wife has left. I’m assuming with the kids? He’s mourning them. His relationship with her and them. Probably trying to figure out how to see them. He’s depressed. He’s probably numb. If he says stay. Stay. Just let him know your there for him. But , if he says go . Go. Before y’all get deeper into it and it gets more confusing for everyone. Including the kids. I’m sure they are wondering what’s going on.
But, no matter what. You need to start praying to God for guidance and direction. God bless.
Rebound girl. Run. Just run.
Maybe he’s going through depression…I mean men go through shit internally too.
He said it, he needs space.
I would leave. All that love you give to him give to yourself.
You were a 9 month fling, sorry you deserve better. Find someone who wants to be with you and loves you.
1 option is to get your own place and give him the key. He’s still in morning. He needs to heal and that’s not what you’re about.
He is not into you any more. To preserve your mental health and self esteem move on.
A month after a 12 year relationship? First of all there’s no way he’s even remotely close to being over his ex. Not at all. and second it sounds like he’s already emotionally cut himself off from you. It sounds like it needs to end.
Young one give him his space - you can not force anyone to love you. If it was meant to be it will. If he isn’t paying attention to you or home - he isn’t interested- you said he was in a 12 yr relationship before you - so apparently he didn’t want to be alone - got scared seriously and got caught up with you. It has nothing to do with you sweetie- it’s all about him - let him go for your own well-being kiddo.
You’re the bandaid.
Don’t put yourself in this emotional distress. By the sound of it, you are an amazing woman and no matter how much or what you do around the house, he will not care. He’s still in love with the ex but doesn’t want to be alone. You already have kids of your own, you don’t need another grown kid to take care of because he’s going through a boo boo.
He should be giving you support but he’s not.
Focus on yourself and your kids. He will move on. And when he does, he can then be sure if he truly loves you.
You are not a bandaid.
Do you feel you deserve that?
That’s a long time to be with someone and a very short time to heal before getting into another relationship. I don’t want to upset you but it sounds like the “honeymoons phase” has worn off and he’s realizing he’s not in love with you and doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now. Maybe he realizes he jumped into things way too fast and is now regretting it. He said he’s not in love with you and as much as it hurts it might be best for you to move on before it gets any worse and you get hurt even more than you already are. I’m sorry but it sounds like it was a rebound thing for him and I’d hate to see you and your kids get hurt anymore than you already have. He’s telling you he doesn’t want to be with you so please listen and let him go for you and your kids.