So me and my boyfriend have been together for 9 months…we moved kinda fast because we felt it was right…he was with his ex before me for 12 years…and we had starting talking about a month after they split…well in the past few months he has asked for space and wanted me to leave because he says he has fallen out of love with me and wants to figure out what he wants…i left for a weekend so that my kids didn’t miss school because we had already enrolled them here…I’m head over heels for this man and all of my kids love him to death as well…since he said that I have tried talking to him and and tried getting him to go out on dates with me so that we can spend one on one time together but he isn’t budging…he works and comes home and works in his garage…he will come in and eat and sit on his phone all night…I do everything around the house…cook clean take care of the kids…when I take the kids to go do something he has no interest in joining anymore…I’m trying so hard to fight for our relationship but I feel like I’m not getting anything in return…part of me believes he still wants to be with his ex but she has moved on and moved out of state with her fiancé…when they talk they only talk about their 2 kids they have together…he says that his ex has nothing to do with what he’s dealing with and I want to believe him but its hard…he says he wants me here because he’s afraid if he tells me to leave that he feels it would be a mistake…I’m trying to get him to try and want this relationship but its like he has nothing left to give…I keep telling him all the time that he is a good man and he is worth it but its like he doesn’t believe it in himself…
What do I do??? Please don’t be rude I’m trying so hard here…just need some positive advice or encouraging words.
12 years is a long time… regardless if she moved on… he clearly hasn’t. He was kind enough to put boundaries in place respectfully with you. He has decided for his life that he is not ready, needs space, and he needs that time to heal. People who have been hurt, really need to heal before jumping into new relationships. Carrying all that baggage into a new relationship isn’t healthy and having to deal with that isn’t no light load. You need to step back and out of his life and move on with yours. He clearly doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore and has put that boundary in all spaces in his home. Please leave for your children’s sake, your sake, and his sake. Keep some dignity for yourself.
He is using you as a back up. He is not doing anything with you or the kids because he chooses not too. He is probably already talking or seeing other people on the side. Thing is…he is treating you like a doormat. A comfortable doormat. If things go south for him he knows you will be there. I mean…who wouldnt love to come home to a clean house and meals cooked and kids being taken care of all while not putting any effort in because he knows you have feelings for him. You are wasting your time and your kids.
Tell him to go to counseling see a shrink if you really want to see you and I love you give him Really one more chance for you.
He had no time to process the split with his ex if you were talking within a month. He probably needs time to find himself and what he really wants. You were a rebound for his hurting heart and helped him through that tough time. He has been honest and asked you to leave, you can’t fight for something that no longer exists.
Find a happy place for your kids and you and move into the next chapter of your life x It won’t be easy but you are a strong mumma and those kids come first
I posted a sec ago a option for u. But u could or should just tell him ok o will begin to figure out what im goimg to do like where u will live. And it may take a week or so but let him know ur gonna go and that in the mean time u will not bother him and try to stay gone as much as possible. But u do have kids involved so need to try and either hang tight and get on the ball asap and find u a new home or move in with family until u find u a place. And of u have to end up being at his house while tryn to find a new home then id come and go as i plz. Stay night with a family or friend. U get what im sayn
Personally, you should give him space, move out and do your own thing. Don’t date anyone and leave him to do what he feels he needs to do. He’s prob dealing with the fact that he doesn’t have his kids anymore and now they live in completely different states. How would you feel if you left your x and he took your kids with him? I don’t feel like you would be in a chipper mood either. This situation is hard and when someone is splitting with an ex, they do need at least a year to figure out who they are and what they want out of life. Sometimes it’s best to give them that space. If it’s meant to be, it will be. Just give him his space and move out. Focus on you and your kids. If you really do love him, while you are moved out, it really won’t be anything to just wait a year and not talk to anyone or start on any new relationships.
You need to leave what more does he have to do he’s showing you he doesn’t want it and not working for him and the more you push the further away he wants to be. Leave take your children and leave him alone if it’s to be let him come to you. I feel you’re smothering him let him breathe and decide what he wants
It sounds to me like he used you as a Band-Aid save yourself the heartache and leaves
Just my opinion but he came out of a 12 year relationship and started dating you after 1 month later? It was to fast. It takes awhile to really move on from a relationship that was that long. Maybe he’s feeling like he needs room to breath, divorce can be like a death, its not easy to get past, even when you were ready for it.
And sorry, but there’s also the chance that your just the rebound girl. Someone that happened to be there. Not being mean, but it happens.
He is being truthful wth you, accept it- you can’t force love n relationship
If he has said he wants you to leave… then take your kids and leave. You should not have yourself or your kids in a home where you all are not wanted. Unfortunately you did move too fast. He really might not care about his ex but maybe he has other interest…or maybe he just realized he moved on too fast as well. Your kids are evidently living with you and not their dad…don’t keep them in the same home with another man who doesn’t want y’all there regardless of the reason. Get your own place for you and your family and don’t rush into anything again.
No. He is not the one. A man that wants a life with you will say so & back it up with his actions. You & your kids deserve better💯
So if this was me, I would move out and give him the space he’s looking for. It’s the whole “if you love someone let them go” mentality
Maybe he will miss y’all like crazy and want you to come back. Maybe you’ll both move on.
He’s basically given ya the amswer. Just try to do you
Read the book “He’s Just Not That Into You.” It changed the way I handled relationships. Soon after I read it I met the man that I’ve been with for 17 years. The right one is out there. This one ain’t him.
A man who doesn’t know what he wants is a big red flag. Don’t start putting your feelings on the back burner now or it will always be that way. Stand your ground, Know your worth. Take your kids and find a man who knows how valuable you truly are. He is out there, don’t short change yourself girl.
why are you coming here for advice, when it sounds like you cant even listen to what he has asked of you? & think you are going to listen to what anyone says on here? 1. with kids bein involved, i wouldnt of rushed things 2. he wants space after a LONNNG relationship he was in, give him SPACE! 3. sounds like you are a bit obsessive much! good luck tho!
Leave honey and see if he makes any effort of coming around you n ur kids but don’t allow him to use you bc he knows that u have feelings for him. Your wasting your time and don’t allow your kids to love a man who doesn’t want y’all there he clearly told you that so you can’t BLAME him in the end. Never stay where ur unwanted by a man he hasn’t moved on and she could be given him that lil bit of hope fixing it again. Just move on and find HAPPINESS for yourself and kids let him do whatever he wants to good luck SWEETHEART
Sounds like he doesn’t want to commit and if he says he’s fell out of love, then there’s probably nothing that can change his mind.
Don’t let him take u for a second fiddle. Leave n move on. I know its easier said than done but leave with your pride n dignity in tact.
Once he has asked you to leave, that’ s his mistake, not yours.
Move on n enjoy your kids. Don’t ever let any man have you on the edge of a string.
He isn’t worth your time. I’m a pro at waiting for someone who was never in love with me. Move on, it hurts. But it will hurt less, somebody is waiting fir you. Never find em while this guy is holding you back. Good luck.
So I’m going to break this down in simple terms. He was completely honest with you. When you tried to come back he stayed away instead of playing with your heart and emotions by entertaining your advances. After a month he already met your kids. After a month you’re already head over heels in love with him. You keep trying to force something that he has made clear he doesn’t want. Sweetie you are the red flags. Not him. Women want men to be honest but when they are y’all get stupid. You sound and are acting like a psychotic obsessive stalker. You really do sound like a psychopath. Why would you even entertain a man who you know just got out of a relationship that long? Then on top of that you put your kids around him in a month’s time. If I was him, I would have asked for a continent of space from you. He needs years of time to himself to recover and you need a shrink or psychiatrist.
He told you what he wants why are you pushing ? Let him go clearly he doesn’t have the same feelings you are only hurting yourself and your kids at this point. He’s still hurting from his previous relationship and clearly moved on too quick with you . If you love him let him go !
Sounds like he wants a live in Caretaker! He wants his cake and eat it too! You can do way better than that in my opinion and it’s not ok for your kids to see you in that situation. Just my opinion!
Sweetie you are rebound girl you deserve better than someone who doesn’t love or want you he will move on so prepare yourself
If he wants space he needs to be the one to leave for a bit, why should you uproot the kids and yourself that’s multiple people when he is just 1 person…
Unfortunately I felt this to the core, my last relationship was this, things were great at first moved in together ours was after a yr… then few months in to it, he became withdrawn didnt want to do stuff with us, would work or be out the back working on a car, id ask for a date night just us time and he would take me to the pub which was where his mates were so never US Time… eventually I felt broken and worthless and I told him to step up or step out… a month later he left… he was so use to me carrying him he had issues leaving but I had to eventually just put my foot down. I deep down wanted him to get out and realise what he was missing but his a selfish person and he ended up just enjoying the freedom and never came back. He was my best friend but I had to get on with it… I held on to the house we had for 2 yrs hoping he would realise and come back… this yr I had to make changes I moved a suburb over and we have never been happier…
Time to move on…it takes two …and it seems like it’s only you who wants this relationship…you deserve better … you deserve someone who really wants to be with you…
He’s not into you. Don’t lower urself to the he can change it’s me . Try and make him work.
Move on let him go it’s his loss .
Trying to make someone be with u is like trying to keep dry in the rain.
Your better than that.
Move on. It hasn’t even been a year and he already wants out so I’d go before he sucks you and your kids in more. You deserve better.
If he ask you to leave and he’s not in love with you anymore why the heck are you staying with him? It’s pretty loud and clear he doesn’t want to be with you move on. Simple
What is he doing on his phone all night?
Get your own place . Take care of your kids and make a life without him.
Seems like he already told you what to do…
You deserve better. Pack up. Move on. Hes not the one momma.
He is fresh out a relationship, maybe he does need time
A 12 year relationship is hard to get over. But I’m im being completely honest with you. He jumped in another relationship way too fast so he is probably wanting space.
But yes. He wants space. Show him your strong and just go. I dated my ex for 12 years It took 4 years to get serious again but yes I dated explored and lived my life. In all reality. He probably wants that chance to see what’s out there. Be single. So I’d leave and either move on or wait him out.
Maybe even keep in contact. Reach out to him as his friend. Not a lover. And eventually he might see your who he wants. But it sounds like it’s a rebound relationship. But be his friend. Show him you respect his decision
You’ll get the truth sooner or later. Don’t be pushy and don’t beg.
Do you work? Some men don’t appreciate going from bachelors to providing for a family so quick, especially of other men’s children. I know that sounds horrible and I’m not trying to be, but it’s true. That may be stressing him out, but if you work, disregard that. If he doesn’t budge in a couple weeks, you may have to move on unfortunately
Honestly hun either leave or give him the same energy he’s giving you! He obviously doesn’t appreciate you or see who you are so be you before you met him and he can either enjoy you or loose you all together 
I understand your kids and you like him but he has no interest so the longer and more you and your kids give your all the more it will hurt in the end!
If he has said he’s fell out of love with you it’s not worth trying as you can’t force feelings on someone. You do everything around the house, he does nothing, he doesn’t get involved with the kids…tell me why you want to be with him again? I don’t think he’s give himself time to get over his ex, meeting someone else and moving on after a month is a bit too soon whether he wants to be with her or not his heads Still going to be mashed over the feelings he had for her and the feelings he has for you. There’s not room for both so he needs to get over her 1st. Personally I’d leave because then you will see if he really wants you or not, but give him the space…he needs it
I hate saying this, move on. The more you push, the more he will not want to. So you will have to learn to get over him so you don’t hurt.
I think these posts are made up for the page to get more people lured in. No woman can be that damn stupid, they would have already left.
Send Him packing - He will only cause you grief!
You need to go ahead and leave…this is not good for you
And the kids…sounds like he has another woman…
Tbh u need to give him space. Alot of it. Let him see if he misses u. And dnt be so quick to call. Leave it be for a few days no call nothen. If he calls u dnt answer right away return the call later. If he txt u txt back later. And keep it short. Alot of times its then that someone relizes o shit. Sucks cuz ur kids r n school there so idk if u have anywhere else to go for few days to see how he will react to this. But if he still dnt want the relationship then u shoild really consider ending it. U cant force someone with this type of situation. And seems like from the sound of it he has been totally tryn to avoid u. Good luck i wish u the best!
Leave. As hard as it is…listen to yourself. YOU are trying…not him. A healthy relationship isn’t only one person.
You already wasted enough of your time. Move out and move on.
Well you shouldn’t have rushed things 
especially when there’s kids involved. Chalk it up to a life lesson and move on
I’m stuck on the part where you moved your kids in with a man that you’ve been with for 9 months.
You guys moved fast because a month after he got out of a long relationship you took his mind off of it. That’s it, there’s nothing else to it. It felt right because he was occupied with you instead of being sad about his ex and he was so occupied with you that you didn’t see the rebound play-because you wanted some to be focused on you.
And now that you’ve uprooted your kids and enrolled them in a new school, the rebound is over and you still can’t process what’s happening.
You were a rebound girl. He already told you what he wants, get out & move on. And your poor kids…
First he never had time to grieve his family and maybe that’s finally hitting him now that the honeymoon state is over with you guys, second you can’t force or sucker someone into being with you if they don’t want to be and the longer you stay the harder it will be for them kids.
Don’t lower yourself to begging for his love. Move on, don’t expose your babies to his be. It sounds to me like there is someone else he is spending time with on the phone. Go before you and you kids get hurt more.
You don’t need a “fixer upper”.
Girl he told you what he wants
In my opinion only 9 months into dating is a new relationship. I dont want to sound like “that person” but i think you as a mother should not be moving so fast. Esp since he just got out of a 12 year relationship, I think you should’ve waited longer than 9 months to introduce him as part of the family…
It sounds like hes being honest with you. He does not want to be a part of your family and he said he is not in love with you. To be holding your children over his head sounds kinda manipulative to me. You should leave like he is asking you to and learn not to move so fast in the future.
They are your children and their schooling are not his responsibility, and i have to emphasize that after only 9 months of dating you should not have changed your families life for him.
Give him the space. Just stop trying. What I mean is, you keep hanging on him and all that’s doing is creating pressure. Leave him tf alone FOR REAL. let him do him for awhile ans you and the kids do u. See what happens. This will tell you everything u need to know.
I’m sorry that your in this situation but I think you jumped into a relationship with him too soon, he was with his ex for 12 years, he needed time to grieve for that relationship before starting a new one. Also you should never involve your children with a new man until you’ve known him for a long time, it’s not fair on your children. Please remember this when you next meet another man. You need to move out and concentrate on yourself and your children, good luck for the future. Xx
12 years is a LONG time! One month after the break up most likely was not long enough. Chances are he probably does still love her & is working to move on! Or he could also be trying to figure his own self out. After 12 years of being with someone he most likely lost himself.
I recommend suggesting him to see a therapist. Don’t try to make him stay… it will only make it worse or end badly between the two of you.
He needs space and you are smothering him. If he’s not feeling it you can’t make him love you MOVE OUT AND ON!!!
He didn’t get the time to find himself again after the relationship ended and now he’s probably feeling a bit trapped because without knowing he rushed into a relationship with you
You need to leave him. It sounds like you’re forcing something that cannot be forced… sometimes you need to learn how to let go. Itll be relieving.
Well which one are you looking for: advice or encouraging words? Because they’re 2 different things. He said he doesn’t love you. 9 months isn’t very long, it’s not like you were the one with him for 12 years. If you were married and together that long, I can understand fighting like you are for the relationship. Especially if you have kids together. But you don’t. It’s time to call it. Move on, find your own happiness for you and your kids.
It sounds unfortunately that you were the rebound relationship which usually doesn’t work out.
Still pinning for his ex,your on the rebound and it don’t end well …run
She’ll come back in a few months,click her fingers, and he’ll go running back to her.
Girl move on you’re not an option!!
Girl, he doesn’t want to let go because then… Who is willing to do things for him…??? He needs someone to use. Obviously, you are allowing him to step all over you. Grab your dignity, stop humiliating yourself, walk away. Girl, you are your children role model. What do you want to teach them? Idk if you have a daughter but even if you don’t, would you be OK seeing your children doing the same and hurting themselves because they “love” someone before themselves? You are teaching them that it is OK to lower themselves for someone. I know because I was in your shoes. I was able to leave before any more damaged happened. I know what it’s like. I learned to love myself before anyone else. I put myself first now. Best wishes.
There just isn’t a relationship there…relationships are not one sided…it sounds like you are his rebound…im sorry to say. You need to move on…move with your kids and leave him behind.
You’ve been used… And now you’re an inconvenience. Leave. Don’t tolerate that shit from anyone! Toxic!
He was in a relationship for 12 years before you ? Honey ill be honest he wants his freedom