My fiancé and I have been together for over 2 years, we have a child together and own our home together. He really is a good man, and I love him so much. Anyways, I went through the contacts in his phone a few weeks ago and found about a dozen women that he used to sleep with before we met. I also found a few women saved under names such as “sexy” “hot” and “”. I found 4 contacts saved under names like that before I couldn’t bare to look anymore. So I really don’t know how many more contacts he has saved like that. I confronted him about it, and he told me that they’re all old numbers that he just hasn’t deleted and didn’t remember were in his phone. I believe him. I do not think that he’s cheating on me, at all. But, i asked him to delete the numbers of women that he used to sleep with. That was two weeks ago, I brought it up again 4 days ago and asked him again to delete them. But he still hasn’t. He laughed and said the fact that I feel they’re so important is “sad” last time I mentioned it Like I said, I do not think he’s unfaithful to me. I just feel so disrespected in my relationship and disappointed in him. Am I being ridiculous? Do I even have a right to ask him to delete the contacts? I’m a Pisces, I never know if I’m being too emotional or not. Lol
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. AITA for asking my fiance to delete his past hookups numbers?
That’s crazy disrespectful to you. In my opinion. Why have the number if you don’t contact them anymore? He needs to delete them.
Yes I agree with Sarah. Totally disrespectful
Trust your gut. You already know.
Tbh shouldn’t have still been there to begin with. You are not in the wrong at all. My rule is : if they’ve ever flirted - cut off.
This exact same post was on Crunchy Mama too and my comment still stands
Why does he wanna keep them so bad? Wonder how he’d feel if you had saved in your contacts
That’s so disrespectful that he is acting like that. And there is zero reason he should have those numbers in his phone. You shouldn’t even have had to ask for them to be deleted. He should have done it out of respect for you and yalls relationship.
It’s weird that he won’t do it just to give you a piece of mind. Kinda a red flag also why is keeping them in his phone so important to him? That’s what I would ask
As disrespectful as going through his phone
No and you wouldn’t have known had you not been snooping.
That comment about how it’s “sad” that it’s important to you is a . What’s ACTUALLY sad is that he didn’t respect you enough to delete them as soon as you brought it to his attention. If he genuinely just didn’t remember they were in there, that’s one thing… But to not delete them AND put you down about how you’re feeling about it is sketchy AF…
Those are not old numbers…
You already know what’s coming!
Hell no, that’s like he’s got the numbers “just in case” the fact that he’s gaslighting you about it isn’t a good sign either.
“He’s a really good man” is what you said…
U tried to convince us that before u stated many details. U already know that a really good man wouldn’t keep those. I’m sorry, but it’s true
Act as if you could care less , After all what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. ￼￼
He’s not respecting your feelings that’s a huge red flag
I keep old numbers so I know which phone calls not to answer or reply to. Maybe that’s why he’s kept them? So he knows to ignore them.
The fact that he won’t erase the numbers and that he laughed about it tells me something isn’t right there!!
Copy the names and call them . Then you block, then erase them all.
jist do it urself loo
If he’s a good man he would’ve deleted them when things became serious between you two. Now you’ve been together 2 years, have a kid and he still has them?? He’s keeping them for a reason.
He is being unfaithful
You need to wake up.Red flag your going through his phone is ridiculous too.He would have deleted along time ago.But he didnt.If he does what makes you think hes not doing anything.
all of these ‘run’ comments kind of amaze me. girl, do it yourself. delete them. my bf has a lot in his contacts too, none with the inappropriate names but girls he’s slept with i’m sure. but men literally suck at ‘going through’ anything to delete girls. my boyfriends snapchat, i deleted the girls i wanted. it’s if you delete them and he gets super mad at you that i’d be worried. but don’t ‘run’ over something so little.
Too late now, you already agreed to marry him, had a child, bought a house what you gonna do if he doesn’t delete them…my guess would be nothing…stay for the looks…it looks like a happy family…
I’m sorry but he’s not stupid either, if he saved them for a reason more than likely didn’t just forget they’re in his phone, especially if he saved a LOT of numbers before - and the fact you have to remind him more than once and he still hasn’t is another sign he never intended to delete those numbers
First off why was there a need to go through his phone?
Red flag already if you felt the need to…
Seen this post before…
Get the call log from your provider. Compare numbers. If all is so good…then block the numbers on his end. All will be the same😉
I have almost all my numbers from god knows when on my phone. I don’t use them. Phones get backed up they are saved in the cloud. It is kind of silly to be harping on it if you say you trust him. Do you have all old hook ups or flings removed from your socials and phone? Change your name in your Facebook convo to sweet cheeks or what ever sweet he calls you. Your causing yourself stress.
Grab the phone and do it yourself
Unfaithful for sure girl
Honestly, I’m less concerned with the fact he has the numbers and more concerned with his reaction. He said you were “sad” for feeling uncomfortable with him having “sexy, hot, and ” contact names saved in his phone? Sis, he wouldn’t be adamant about keeping said numbers if he A. didnt talk to them still, B. wasnt keeping his options open, or C. had any regard for your feelings or respect you at all. I’m not saying we should control who our SO talks to but they should care enough to protect your relationship on their own. He obviously doesn’t. Are you trying to convince us or yourself he’s a good man and isn’t being unfaithful? You said it twice in your post. At the very least he could change the names to appropriate ones if he feels the need to keep the contacts. A good man would acknowledge your feelings even if he didn’t agree with them.
Fiancee, a child, 2 years with no wedding ring, old gfs (that he’s slept with) in his phone, trust issues… hmmm… I see no problem-he’s a good man.
My man deleted people without me ever mentioning it… and it’s been only a year, some just take the initiative regardless… I dunno this is SCREAMING red flag to me… all without me ever going through his phone too, and also has no problem tho handing over the phone for me to use or just leaving it around because he isn’t hiding anything, and same for me. Neither one of us has time for anything shady. His ex wife from 20 years ago at one point had been sending him little faces and emojis. I asked him why, he said no idea but I’ll block her now. And did. Don’t get me wrong you can always go back and unblock, but it was the principle that he did it in front of me and hid nothing.
You’re definitely NOT the asshole. He sounds dismissive. He should have absolutely 0 problem deleting and blocking those numbers.
I always wonder the going through the phones. If you feel like you need to go through his phone then say over and over you trust him. Doesn’t sound like it to me.
If he is NOT using them then he would respect you and delete them!!
His reaction says more than anything else
Hes not doing what he needs to do to reassure you which is wrong
I mean I have call logs from 12 years ago. Even the texts
Once married it will never get any better.
Girl - delete them your Damb self … ! Why would you ask.
If they appear again in a few weeks , then you have your real answer !
This is straight up manipulation no ifs, ands or butts.
Making you feel like your feelings are invalid and mocking it. Oh hunny, get out now.
I trust my Man so I would never snoop on him, betray his trust. My Sweetie still has other womans numbers, it dont bug me. Im secure in my relationship and trust Him.
He’s disrespectful for not deleting them and not taking you serious. Not cool.
Why would he feel it’s important to keep those hookups numbers around is my question
But if you had things like this for guy contacts I bet it would be a problem.
I’m so over men. He should have deleted them out of respect for you a long time ago.
He has you so fooled:joy: don’t be naïve. He’s keeping them on the back burner if he isn’t talking to them already.
He is making it your problem. Be careful of someone who refuses to admit a problem and instead finds different ways to blame you and make you feel foolish.
If he didn’t even remember they were there and he doesn’t see it as a big deal, guess he won’t see it as a big deal when you delete them.
Massive Alarm bells ringing girl, after 2 years, a baby and owning a house together those numbers shouldn’t be there boo. Id be hitting him up for sure
Have him delete in front of u make sure he does if doesn’t u know the answer to that or delete yourself and see what kinda reaction you get then u still know the answer to that.
You should delete them if he wont.
Run for the hills girl! and I’m a Pisces
Girl he is gaslighting You by telling you that it’s sad that you’re so upset over this when in reality he’s not having enough respect for you to just delete these numbers out of his phone. It doesn’t matter if it’s a big deal in the grand scheme of things if it matters to you and it bothers you then your feelings are valid and he should respect that especially if he’s not doing anything anymore.
He probably did just forget honestly. I haven’t gone through my contacts in years! Lol But the fact that you’ve specifically asked twice and he’s not respecting your very reasonable request is a little disturbing. He should show you that respect.
I would delete them myself and watch his reaction.
He is dead wrong. I know you said you think he is faithful and maybe he is…but if he is truly committed to you he shouldn’t have an issue deleting them. It is disrespectful to you.
I’m sorry but if tables were turned women. Woukd be like “don’t let him tell you what to do” you either trust him or you don’t.
He’s playing you, there is a reason he still has those numbers
Go with your gut. You’ve been together two years. You have a child together. You bought a home together. He’s got phone numbers for other women in his phone. $64 question: are the numbers old and he just hasn’t deleted them?… is he keeping them to remember his “glory days”? Or is he fooling around? Only you can answer that. You live with him. You know if he’s gone for hours unaccounted for. You know if there are secret phone calls at odd times. You know if his habits have changed for some reason. Or: is he home every night? Does he pay attention to your child? Does he talk to you about his work or people he works with? Do you watch TV together? Is his time pretty much accounted for? Answer these questions. Go from there.
He’s definitely cheating…
He does know the contacts are there…he’s flat out lying to you…do NOT trust him ever…if he cares and loved you he’d delete them without you asking…you shouldn’t feel bad for asking…I’d leave him pronto!!! Do not marry him…it will be a mistake…you’ll regret it…and you deserve a man who’d not tell you it’s dad that you feel that right…you are correct to feel that way…but trusting him is a mistake…no Marriage!
Every time you get a new phone, all your contacts transfer. Do you go thru your phone and delete old numbers bc most ppl don’t.
Stop looking for drama.
Ring them up 4 fun lol then delete them urself…they shoulda never really been in there 2years and a kid together nahhh
Delete them yourself and don’t say anything and see if he suddenly realized the contacts that he didn’t know were there are now gone.
I trusted my man before…but having other ex that he feels are hot should not be on his phone. And I be wary …I believe hell cheat down the road???
He’s gaslighting you and you should be in heightened awareness, your man ain’t as good as you think he is. If he was he would of handed you the phone and said go ahead and delete them, I don’t want you worrying about nonsense.
Being a Pisces literally has nothing to do with it
You’ve been with him 2 years, unless he’s contacted any of those numbers while with you it’s just insecurity. You were completely fine before finding these numbers. And even if he does delete them right now, they are probably backed up to his contact list in his email. if he ever gets a new phone they will be there again when he logs into w.e email he uses or does the transfer with the guy when getting the phone. My boyfriend probably has a lot of numbers he hasn’t contacted in years. But I’ve never felt the need to look through his contact list or messages to find out.
Sounds like gaslighting to me
He’s lying lmfao delete them yourself
Delete them yourself & see if he notices. Or just move on since he just showed you his true colors.
Umm… not ridiculous at all. Why would he need to keep them?
You’ve been together over 2 years…
Why do you believe he isn’t being unfaithful?
Wanna see how much he uses the contacts?? Delete them yourself that’s what I would do
Those numbers should be deleted
No you aren’t! He is.
Throw the whole man away.
If they werent important & he loved you he would delete them right away!
Very Very disrespectful of him!!
My ex used to tell me how “sad” it was that I didn’t trust him or have enough confidence to not be bothered. One showed up at his house pregnant and ready to pop BEGGING me to give him up so her baby could have a Daddy. I invited her in took my house key of my key ring and handed it to her and told her deal it’s all yours. NEVER looked back.
Your teaching him on how to treat you by what you tolerate, I have learned this lesson the very hard way!
Don’t delete them, keep the names the same but go in and change the numbers to things like either prayer hotlines or car warranty companies that will NEVER stop calling or cat facts or the STD anonymous reporting number or something, depending on what direction you prefer to take. If they’re old numbers he never uses anymore that just transferred from his old phone, no harm done. Buttttttt if he’s still calling them……
I wouldn’t be okay with it.
First of all, there is a problem if you feel you need to go through his phone without his permission. Second of all, I still have numbers in my contacts from 20 years ago. If he hasn’t been calling these numbers, leave it alone.
Get your phone bill out and go through it if he hasn’t deleted them yet.
I’ve never understood the need or want to erase someone’s past. If there is trust and devotion why question it
He’s gaslighting you and honestly, I would not trust him at all. If they were people from his past, and he was completely happy with you, he wouldn’t feel the need to hold on to them. He did not forget they were there, he wants them there or they would have been gone.
Your zodiac sign has literally nothing to do with this post. Tell him to delete them or get deleted. And put the engagement on hold because calling it “sad” is belittling and condescending, borderline gaslighting.
If you’re as confident in your relationship as you believe yourself to be, how come he’s being made responsible for the projection of insecurities that aren’t his own? What’s next? Screening his calls? Is this the sort of dynamic you wish for in your relationships?
I think you need to step back, take an honest look at how come you feel the way you feel, what belief this perception is stemming from, how is this perception support your wellbeing, and can said perception be changed to support just that.
Behaviour is communication of a need going unmet.
Figure out the need your behaviour is communicating and establish how you will respond to said need through your own behaviour.
For me, this would be a boundary.
When my partner inquires about my boundary through observation of my behaviour in response to their own, then it opens us to setting mutually beneficial agreements that can change overtime as our wants, needs, preferences, and boundaries evolve.
Wishing you and your partner all the best!
Eww, I’m not a fan of him
Yes you should be able too ask him that. Has nothing to do with your sign. If he doesn’t remove them, and gaslights you into thinking it’s ‘sad’ that you care, then he’s DOING SOMETHING.
If he still has exes on his phone bye ain’t being faithful.
If they aren’t important, why can’t/won’t he just delete them, then? If he has no need for the numbers, there’s no good reason to want to keep them.
Also, turning his own lack of action back around onto you and calling you sad for thinking they are important, is actually a form of gaslightling. He’s trying to make you think your feelings aren’t valid.
He’s hoping if he distracts you with negative thoughts about yourself, you won’t have the head space to continue thinking through what’s going on. He’s hoping if he hurts your self esteem enough, you’ll be too insecure or embarassed about looking “sad” to bring it up again. He’s trying to throw you off the trail.
If he really isn’t cheating, and if they really aren’t important, why does he need to keep them in his phone? Sounds like, at the very least, he’s potentially keeping all the “past hook-ups” in his back pocket, per se. Like, if he gets to a point where he’s unhappy in the relationship, he has easy access to all those numbers to go hook up with someone without all the effort of having to “find” someone.
They should be deleted… BUT if you feel the need to go through his phone you don’t trust him.
That would be the main issue for me!
Why the hell WOULDNT he delete them?
Wait until you find out most of the ones are disguised as men’s names.
I’m sorry but tons of women (myself included) have sworn “he would never do that” and guess what? He would, he did. Maybe he isn’t cheating, but the fact that he didn’t delete them after you asked him to (and rightfully so) is a huge red flag. Then to top it off, when you brought it up again, he gaslit you instead and made you sound insecure because HE is not respecting you. Heck no.