AITA - I’m currently pregnant and unfortunately the man I’m with has two children with two different mothers. I have one child with a different father. Today we got into a really heated argument because I told him I want my kids to have my last name. I also offered to meet him in the middle and have them have both of our last names. Both of his previous kids have his last name. It so happens to be me and my ex had the same last name so my first son ended up with my last name (which is his dads as well). He said he doesn’t want to be a part of there life if that’s what’s going to happen. He makes comments all the time about not taking off work after the babies (it’s twins!) not staying up late for feedings or diaper changes and not staying alone with them because he’s scared to have a mental breakdown. We don’t live together and we have spoken about moving in after the children are born but I have certain expectations of the type of place I want and he just isn’t on the same page or makes comments about the finances. So my thing is if you’re not going to be there financially, emotionally or mentally why do my children need to have your last name?
So many red flags about this!! I’d say stay living alone and do it yourself. Good luck!
If you are not married give the child your name
My son has my last name. A decision I am glad I made.
I had the same from both baby daddies, I gave them double barrelled regardless. I’ve ended up doing almost everything myself anyway so they should count themselves lucky my kids have their names at all lol. Good luck, do what you really want to do bc once it’s done , it isnt easily undone xx
Exactly either put both if not urs and I would come help u
If he’s not willing to parent his kids… He doesn’t deserve that privilege. I’d run 
I would make sure his name us on the kids birth certificate. In the future you might need him to be legally responsible for the kids.
I think these are all things that should have been spoken about before getting pregnant but no judgement, I think if it was my position I’d raise them myself, I know easier said than done but you don’t need that stress, pregnancy alone is hard, twins is harder, believe me I’ve done both. I truly wish you the best.
If he hasn’t put a ring on it then the baby gets my name. This way when the relationship is over you don’t have to have a different last name then your kids. Just makes it easier.
Give those babies your last name and stay away from him!! He will end up being emotionally and possibly physically abusive. If you think you will do it alone… you WILL end up doing it alone. Start off alone and have friends/family help you! Trust me, it’s better for you and your babes!
Give them your last name. He sounds like a winner. Know your worth and get someone that will adore you and your children even if they aren’t his biologically!!
This is truly becoming a problem for so many. If you’re having doubts please give the babies your last name. If things change and you end up marrying him then change their names to his. At least use both last names be smart protect yourself.
I don’t blame you & I wouldn’t move in with him either. Yes, it’s gonna be hard but it’ll be worse having another totally capable person there to help and they CHOOSE not to anyway. Might as well do it by yourself from the get go. Sending strength mama 
You should be single since you want to make it all about you 
Give them babies your last names or hyphenate if he is gonna be a big baby about it like that then they don’t need to have his name anyways and he should just stop having kids ,highly suggest not moving in either it seems you’d be better off doing this by yourself and just going through child support and if he don’t want nothing to do with em or helping he can just sign his rights away 
That’s EXACTLY how my first daughter’s dad was. Would constantly say he wouldn’t get up for feedings, expected me to go to work almost immediately after I had her and do everything else around the house. I would dump him, give your baby(s) your last name and be happy. He’s not going to change.
I’d say you’re making the right decision. I would think long and hard about moving in with him too!!
Take your babies and run!
Give them your last name…
It isn’t going to get any better with the sounds of his behaviors and desires…
You got this momma! 🫶🏼
Sounds like you don’t have a boyfriend. Or shouldnt
If he won’t give you his last name… don’t give your child his last name! 
Give your baby your last name! It’a becoming more common anyway… Especially if you are going to keep yours. He seems like a real winner though…I hope he steps up and will be a good father to your baby…
My children have my last name three kids two dads
At this point, not even sure why you guys are together. He doesn’t want to help with the children he created just because of the last name issue? Sounds like he needs to grow up fast advice for you, if you’re not married, give the babies your last name. If he doesn’t want to partake in their lives because of it, that’s on him from this point forward, I would suggest kicking him to the curb.
My oldest son dad we went back and forth for a minute so I ended up giving my son both mine first hyphenated then his dad’s 
but honestly in your case give them yours and move on he sounds childish
Man! You got yourself into a big mess!
Speaking from experience, give the kids your name!!! I. Had to go through the court system to change my kids name back to mine (at their request). It was a hassle!
You’re not wrong at all!! Give them kids your last name and stand firm on it. Hyphenate it if you are willing to compromise but take it from me. Give them your last name. Later on you’ll be so glad u did.
Give them your last name so when he runs off you don’t have to change it.
He doesn’t sound like he’s going to be an active father figure.
He sounds like your typically going to spred my seed but not provide type of guy
Nta … just sounds like ur already a single mom but u dont know it yet!
Red flags all over. Don’t waste time with him
Shit happens - don’t listen to the comments of people saying "you shoulda thought about that first ". My advice is to give them your last name and leave him off anything. If he decides to step up the process is much easier making changes to add him rather then the hassle of getting it removed. 🩷🙏 hope everything works out momma !
I gave my kid my last name no questions asked cause I knew we weren’t gonna last. Give them your last name
U give them his last name then he will come up with other reasons why he can’t & ant going to do this or that! Give them your name!
He needs to be your ex boyfriend. If he’s going to let a name stand between having a relationship with his children them you don’t need him around.
Give them your last name. Sounds like the You guys will be together long 
why is it unfortunate that he already has kids? Do you not accept them?
Nope, let him go, unless he plans on changing your name, too. He sounds like a serial sperm donor.
Best thing I ever did was not give my daughter her biological fathers last name 
I’m sorry but you’re right. I stopped reading (but I’ll go back and finish) after you said he doesn’t want to be part of their lives if they have your last name. I would have been like “say less. Your wish is granted. Be gone.” It’s just a name! They’re still his kids.
Your children already carry their father and your name don’t understand why he would want them to change their name. They are not his.  Dude has issues
You are the one giving birth, it’s your choice. He sounds like he is not now, nor will ever be, a good co-parent. End this relationship, give your children the names you want, then get formal sole custody through the court.
I’m biased here, I think regardless of the situation that is their father and I would at least do both last names.
Statistics show that when a dad isn’t in the picture so much can go wrong with the children as they get older.
Granted he doesn’t sound like a catch but I wouldn’t completely write him off if he is their father…. He’s equally a parent too( the fact that he isn’t acting like one right now is awful and I wouldn’t be with him) but I would give him a chance to be involved
Yeah I think I should keep what I really want to say to myself
You do what you think is best 
Well that sounds like a lot of red flags! If his caring for them is conditional to their name, he’s gonna find another excuse not to be involved later on down the line. Cut ties now. Tell him bye 
Sounds like you better get ready to support 3 children on your own and start making better choices in the partner department and maybe consider some birth control.
Give the babies your last name. If he’s giving you ultimatums about being in their life now who knows how long he’s going to stick around once they are actually born.
You not married. Your name
Give your baby your last name and run.
I’m my state it is the fathers right if he wants the child to have his last name. I do not agree with that. Keep your name but I would consult an attorney
All 3 of my children have hyphenated last names with Mines being last best decision ever made
That’s a dumpster fire, hun. Walk away and don’t look back. Coparent the best you can without having to deal with him.
So many red flags in this…. Give those kids your last name and move on.
Dude no, do whatever you want. Might as well make them match you if there’s any chance dad won’t be there.
You’ve got bigger issues than their last name.
Wow. Gurlll. That’s a whole mess. Listennn, it sounds like your dealing with someone who’s extremely childish and immature. Sadly, You are most likely going to do things on your own. Regardless of the name. How does he treat his 2other children’s mothers? Because babe, your next.
Not the asshole, I agree with everything you said and I’d give them your last name he sounds like a deadbeat.
2 different baby mommas should have been a red flag 
to begin with…
Lots of red flags here…
Ugh. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. The advice I was given, didn’t take and so regret was not putting his name on the birth certificate. If he wants to be involved and wants his name used, if it’s that important to him, he’ll fight. Otherwise, give them yours. Things may change he may come around and you can change it then if need be, but initially, don’t put his name on the birth cert. 
good luck momma!
If he’s about to have his 3rd and 4th child and still hasn’t matured he probably never will.Get your own place and make things secure for your children.Give them your last name because he hasn’t earned the honor of having them have his imo.Being a father is more than impregnating a woman and many men don’t grasp that.
It doesn’t sound like he is really ready for this at all. You aren’t married, I’d give the kids your last name. And if he doesn’t want to be involved because it’s not his last name then that really says it all. I wouldn’t be moving in with him, with everything he is saying I’d stay living on your own for a while still and see how things go. What’s the point of him moving in if you will just end up taking care of him also since he has already said he doesn’t want to do anything. And even if you do give the kids his name it sounds like he won’t help much or stick around anyway.
Just out of curiosity. What type of relationship does he have with his other children? How does he co-parent with their mother’s? Does he even co-parent at all? What made those relationships end? The answers to these questions can tell you quite a bit of what you’re in for. It should also make the your decision a little easier. If he doesn’t have relationships with his other children, I hope that you and the other 2 women can establish some sort of relationship for all the kids involved.
First off he sounds like a child spreading his seed everywhere men show there true colours especially after kids so if he’s like this now imagine what he will be like after they are born. That’s being said I’d still double barrell their names as he is the dad and its not for him it’s for them to know were they came from its doesn’t give them any rights etc its just a name and if he does skip out you can alwasy just use the one last name.
Too many red flags to count. There wouldn’t be a relationship anymore.
The question is…why are you wanting to stay with a man that has blatantly told you he wants nothing to do with your kids , excuses why he can’t watch his kids? U will be better off mentally doing it without him. He will be a head ache for you AND add more stress as he is no man sorry or has the father nature. Boot him to the curb. All 5 of our kids have BOTH our last names. Hyphenated.
Mr wanted my LG and this one wit mine and I wanted them to have his so now.it my last name then a hyphenated and then his name *so double barrel surname x
But if he not going comprise to this and saying all the stuff wrote at end should b ur last name carnt have his and do naff all x x
Give them your name and make extra steps to make sure his name is on the birth cert. I’d hold him to it.
He don’t get a say so if he isn’t going to help raise them. Give them your last name. If he wants it any different, have him take you to court and put in an effort or tell a judge his reasoning. I doubt he will go through all that given your explanations of what he wants to do.
Why are you even sleeping with him??? It sounds like you agree on nothing and constantly butt heads. Cut your losses and run. There’s nothing in it for you or your kids.
Maybe this talk should have happened es before babies.
It was just so much easier back in the day when, with a few exceptions, both parents had the same last name then had babies with that same last name. Trying not to be judgmental but this new “baby daddy/baby momma” thing makes me cringe a little. It signifies that having kids has nothing to do with love anymore. You should have kids with the person you plan to spend the rest of your life with. Than doesn’t always work out but it should at least be the plan. There, I said it.
Don’t give them his last name. Don’t have children with men who aren’t there for their previous kids. They show you how they are and women just ignore this.
Use your last name. End of story. They are your children. I had my mom’s maiden name until I married my husband. Do what YOU think is right.
Too many red flags! He doesn’t seem to want the children he fathers.
Not judging but honestly that’s something you should have discussed before even getting pregnant.
That relationship is doomed. Give babies your last name.
Do not do it. Worst mistake of my life.
Give them your last name and definitelydo not move in with him unless he grows up and quick you have a boy on your hands and it doesn’t sound like he’s up to being s man anytime soon either. You 2 are not married or even living together. ALOT of red flags to start off a relationship and honestly i don’t think he will even be in the game long term.
What would you tell your daughter or son if they were in your situation? And then follow your advice!!
He won’t have a choice to be there financially … bring him to court
If you buy all of that I will sell you some land out in the middle of the ocean
I didn’t want my daughter to have her fathers last name. We had been engaged for a few years and I expressed that I didn’t want her to have a different last name than me. Unfortunately he got his way and gave her his last name. A year later he hopped states and decided the life of a drifter suited him better. 9 years later my daughter is still stuck with his last name because he refuses to sign any paperwork to have it changed to mine. Yet he hasn’t done anything for her. It’s all about control.
Use both names and co-parent from separate homes. As a parent, he should be allowed equal access to shared children. However, that access does not need to include you. 
First and foremost, if he isn’t willing to be alone with the babies for fear of a breakdown, WHY ARE YOU EVEN STAYING WITH HIM!?!?!?! Run as fast as you can. Do NOT move in. Do NOT give them his last name. Do NOT make a home/life with him. He is clearly not ready for this, and fear of a breakdown is potentially a red flag for possible future DCF involvement. Leave now. Protect yourself and those babies.
They should have your name unless he wants to put a ring on your finger and change your last name as well. And actively be in yours and babies life
Do you want to live with a man child, whilst looking after twins, or would you rather look after twins alone? You decide.
Don’t even put him in the birth certificate!
Sounds crazy to me …First it sounds unstable period … Second he does not want to partake in the needs of his babies…So to me. .I’m putting my last name and that’s it
Girl he told you what he was gonna do, RUNNNN you wouldn’t be wrong for it and don’t put up with that bs
I let my sons father go for these reasons. He won’t change unless he wants to and last name doesn’t matter I think he’s just using it as an excuse
Girl, you’re raising those babies on your own. Go ahead and accept that because he’s clearly a POS.
Can’t make man or woman to be a mom or dad
That’s what they decide to do or not do
Give the babies your last name
Get everything set up and let him go
Honey he’s not gonna change
More then likely won’t step up
I’m hoping I’m wrong
But get yourself set right and just let him go
Don’t talk to him chase after him let him go
I think he needs to be gone already . He is already threatening and trying to control things . Put that rubbish out . He will be more work than the babies .
May have been good to think of these things before laying down and getting preggers with twins. Oi
Your last name… Your choice
So basically he just wants the title of being a dad without actually being a dad. I’d listen to those red flags and run girl!
These are things I do not understand not being discussed before a pregnancy . No matter your feelings toward dad he is their father , they are half his dna (remember you chose him ) I believe the children should the last name of their father . No matter moms feelings about dad , mom once felt dad was all that and chose to sleep with him , chose to have babies with him knowing about his past and how he behaves . My children have their dads last names regardless of how I feel about them they did father them .
Give them your last name. If he ends up sticking around and being a dedicated parent the name can be changed.
If he is already telling you he wont take responsibility, then he does not have the right to lay any claims either.
He sounds like a real winner. Babies get your last name. And leave him. He’s selfish, rude, lazy. Doesn’t seem to care about anyone but himself. He’s a man child. If you move in with him, he’s just another child to take care of. You’re better off on your own. Praying you have family close by that can help you. Because he clearly won’t. Hugs girl. 
Oh girl you need to leave that dumpster fire 