AITA for questioning the gift my spouse got me?

I spent Mothers Days alone because my partner was on a work trip. He got back home around 7pm with flowers. He then opened his bags, and gave me my gift, which was a traditional dress from his country (the kinds you find outside the airport from small vendors)I didn’t say anything about it. We ate food + watched a movie. Once I put the kids to sleep, I asked him “What about that dress made you think of me? Was it the flowers, the color scheme”. He said ”nothing. I just got it if you ever want to wear it or we go to a themed party” I then went on to say how while I appreciate the gift, it didn’t feel meaningful. There was no actual thought behind whether or not I’d like it - which I know, he knows I wouldn’t ever like / wear. He then got super mad saying I’m ungrateful or that he wasted his money. That he’ll never get me anything again, and that when I get him gifts, it isn’t meaningful because I have to use his money for it. I told I liked the gift, but why get something you know isn’t “me”? Or that I can actually use like a sun dress at least. Now he’s on his phone on the couch. And I’m alone with kids - sleeping alone


I would not have said anything. It’s the thought that counts. He remembered to get you something. He also brought you flowers! Don’t sweat the small things and be thankful :pray:


He should have got you nothing! He put in the effort and your acting like a child pouting feeling sorry for yourself while you could be thankful and spending time with him now that he is home.


And plenty of people went without a thought about them that day :tipping_hand_woman: No gift. No card. No flowers. Nothing.


You kinda sound like an entitled, ungrateful… we will leave it at that. Men don’t necessarily connect on the deeper things that us women obsess about. You should have thanked him and kept your mouth shut. Wear it for him, he thought of you enough to purchase a gift and flowers. :woman_shrugging:


He got you a traditional dress from his home country. How is that not thoughtful or meaningful omg


I taught my kids when they were little someone gives you a gift to say thank you if you don’t like it when you get home you can do what you want with it you don’t have to hurt their feelings ( but they could be honest with me) now they’re adults I’m sure I bought them presents they didn’t like but they said thank you and acted like they did point is you should have said thank you and left at that you at least got flowers


Wow I would be grateful he actually thought of me enough to buy something. I don’t blame him for not wanting to buy you anything again. He was working and still took time to buy you flowers and a dress and you pick a fight… Sounds like no matter what he does you won’t be happy or will find a complaint :roll_eyes:


You wanted a gift that reflected you. You want your husband to get you a meaningful gift. Not just “I’m at the airport, lemme find something.” This was a husband who forgot or felt obligated-he put in the bare minimum & wants to be the good guy.
For Fathers Day I’d go out & get him a jersey if the team he hates & remind him to be grateful.


Wish you could upload a picture of the dress and then let us be the judge :joy: because I’m really curious what it looks like! I’d just thank him. At least he got you something.


it was mother’s day. why should the husband need to buy anything?


My husband, about 25 years ago, when we were newly dating, heard about this beautiful butter yellow cable knit sweater I desperately wanted at Abercrombie and Fitch. It was deeply out of our budget as young people, but he heard me gush over it for ages.

The following spring, he went on a choir trip to Italy (he participated in fundraisers and had matching donations in order to afford it). While he was there, he found a butter yellow crocheted short sleeved crop top type situation at a local market. It was nothing at all like the sweater I wanted, other than the color, but he came home from that trip with my yellow sweater.

He spent 21 days on another continent, and he still remembered that I wanted a yellow sweater. And he got me one. I have never worn it. Still have it, but it’s just not me. It’s not my style at all, but I cannot let it go.

Maybe this isn’t the gift you wanted. Maybe it isn’t perfectly you. But he saw it and he thought of you.

Take the win. Like many others have said here, even in some happy relationships, there is no recognition of Mothers Day, even if you go all out for him.

Maybe it’s how he was raised. Maybe the day brings up memories for him that aren’t the best. Maybe he’s just a forgetful person. But he brought you a meaningful gift. Be thankful and smile. Even if you never wear it.

And remember that at the moment he bought it, he was thinking of you. So many Mamas would give anything for just that much.


I got absolutely nothing. Be grateful. Why did you question it? Did you think he got it for someone else or…? It’s a Hallmark holiday anyways, just like Valentine’s Day. If gifts weren’t “normal” for Mother’s Day, you’d never even know the difference.


I feel sorry for the guy. He gets you TWO gifts and YOU make him feel like crap. So not cool.


I disagree with the majority. I feel it is $$ not well spent to purchase a gift just for the sake of purchasing one. I discourage my husband (36 years) from doing that. It sucks to try to pretend you like something or are happy with something that you are not.


Nothing wrong with feeling the way you do. I always give my husband a few “suggestions” prior to special dates. Maybe give that a try. Works for me :grin:


You deserve to feel the way you feel no matter what anyone thinks.


I mean … some people get nothing. I’d be grateful for what you have.


I’m going to have to disagree with the majority.
A gift bought that doesn’t fit the preferences of the recipient is money wasted.
I’d say the phrase “It’s the thought that counts” was made up to excuse a lack of effort or intent in finding out what each partner likes or appreciates for gift giving.
All these “Be thankful” comments I feel just make situations worse. It is essentially teaching people to be fake.

You’re hurt because you feel he doesn’t care enough to find out your style or if there was perhaps something else you’d like, and he’s hurt because he feels he made an effort that you rejected.
Sounds like a conversation on gift giving needs to take place to perhaps make future holidays better.


It was a Mother’s Day gift.
From your husband.
You’re not his mother, so to even have the expectation of a gift from him is one thing, but to get so upset about it?! He remembered, didn’t he?!

I got a “Happy Mother’s Day” message from my partner, and two homemade cards.

Flowers would’ve been amazing.

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Honestly, on Mother’s Day I went fishing with the kids and my partner because I know he loves it and doesn’t get to go as much considering we have three little kids :woman_shrugging:t2:I put my thoughts and feelings aside so he could do something he loved. His job is very demanding and that’s his escape. I didn’t get any gifts and I spent the day doing something I don’t really enjoy doing. But I had fun because he was happy :woman_shrugging:t2:men have feelings too


I tell my husband exactly what I want for every holiday and I ask him what he wants for every holiday. It leaves the guessing out and we both are happy. He literally shows me everyday how much he loves me by doing all the little things. No need to add more into the mix by worrying about gifts.


While your feelings are valid also think about it from his perspective. He was sharing his culture with you. Put in effort and time and then you told him it wasn’t good enough because you don’t think the dress is pretty enough. Some women would be happy with just the flowers. While some want the man to put more effort into understanding what she’d like. Soon I think you could’ve worded it better to him "hey I really appreciate the thought and you sharing your culture with me however I don’t feel like this is my style for (insert reason). That shows appreciation While explaining to him what would be more you next time. Also remember mothers day is more for the kids and you then the father. Some men say “she’s not my mother” and do nothing.

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Maybe the sentiment was because it was something beautiful, familiar and comforting to him, he wanted you to be part of his experience.


Should have thanked him and left it at that. Maybe try it on and look at yourself in the mirror. Wear it in front of him. It is the thought that counts and he even got you flowers.


Sounds like you’re upset for feeling alone more than anything. He was working- what exactly did you expect?? I would take an honest look at your expectations and why they weren’t met.


My husband is across the country this year for mother’s day. Three years ago he was on another continent. Pretty sure the years between that he was on the road. That’s not to mention the birthdays and anniversaries he’s also missed because of his job(s). Be glad you got something that day. Say thanks and throw it in the back of the closet.


Ungrateful be thankful that he got you something whether you like it or not .


Y’all on here are so weird, you accept the bare minimum and expect others to be happy with that too. It doesn’t matter that other woman may have not gotten anything. When you get someone a gift, you’re supposed to have that person in mind. If they’re married he should actually know what she likes/ doesn’t like. It’s not ungrateful to want something that had actual thought out behind it


Maybe he likes it? And he got it in hopes of seeing you wear it?
Learn your spouse love language.


Sorry you are ungrateful. My husband of 46 years never gave me a gift for Mother’s Day or Christmas or birthday. He would tell me … there is the money , get whatever you need. It used to upset me but got used to it.

At least he got u something. There’s many men that get NOTHING for their wife’s for special occasions/ holidays or birthdays


Honey so many people are against you on this post and I’m going to say that you are not an asshole. You stood up for yourself in a respectful way. Just because other women don’t get anything or other wives have husbands who forget or work away doesn’t mean you shouldn’t expect more from someone who loves you. When you got married you’re saying you’ll love someone forever, if they don’t even know or care enough about you to buy you something you like… well it doesn’t sound like a very happy relationship. You deserve more than someone who will insult you. This isn’t the 1950s anymore. Either don’t buy presents or buy something that will make your spouse smile. Women should stick together and support one another, not support the patriarchy and tell women to “shut up, smile and be grateful”

Sorry ur going thru this and thats not nice for him be mad he suppose buy something HE knows u would like not just random u never wear flowers be nice but not outfit he got


Be grateful he even got you something. This is why some men don’t ever put any type of effort into buying their girlfriends/wives anything because of women like you. It’s a traditional dress from his home country and you don’t think it’s meaningful or thoughtful? Of course he wasted his money on you cause you’re acting like an entitled selfish you know what.


I’m sorry, I would have been happy with the flowers alone and would have said thank you, I would have never questioned it at all, sometimes my ex husband got me things that I was thinking “what was he thinking?” But I still thought he had at least tried to please me and I never said anything bad about gifts… He stopped giving me flowers (which I was fine with getting) just because every time we got in an argument, he would bring home a new house plant, outdoor plant, or cut flowers, lol. I guess that means that yes I think you are, I’m not trying to be harsh about it, I just think be more appreciative, but I guess that’s because I’m happy with the small things in life(time is most important to me)


My husband buys me stuff that I would never wear for almost every occasion. I’ll always wear it once to make him happy then it disappears to the back of my closet to never be seen again.

So your partner was coming home from a work trip probably tired as hell and he remembered that it’s mothers day and thought that something is much better than nothing … and all you could say was it wasn’t anything meaningful??? The thought it meaningful. He tried and you didn’t appreciate it.
Go up to him and give his a nice big cuddle … say sorry that you questioned his judgment and you hope he has an ok time away from his family and you missed him …

Sounds like that kinda backfired on you :thinking:, a lot of men don’t get their wives anything.


He thought of you. That’s the point! And gave you flowers. Twice my hubby went away for work he brought me home a rock from each place. Just boils down to thanks for thinking of me! Youll hate it even more when he just ghost you with nothing. Most men are not wired the same as us women so every little bit is effort.

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This right here is one of the reasons my husband and I don’t buy gifts for eachother. I don’t want him agonizing over what to give me or me pretending to like something I don’t. We take $50 and buy what we want for ourselves. We are both happier that way. We’ve been married for 26 years. When my kids got old enough I was excited to get the kids homemade gifts.


I learned a long time ago to accept their gifts and be gracious…It’s the thought that counts and men don’t think like women…

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He s prolly cheating , and be thankful he even got you that . Many women get nothing.


NTA a gift is supposed to be meaningful. If he just thoughtlessly grabbed something to say “look I got you something “ then go as far as to say that the gifts you get him are not meaningful because you use “his” money (which should be both of your money) and threaten not to get you anything again because he can’t bother to learn what kind of gifts you actually like? That’s gross. The thought counts only if there was ACTUAL thought put in which in this case does not sound like it. I could never gift someone something not caring whether they actually liked it or not that’s weird, my goal is to give you something you would enjoy.


Sorry but you do sound ungrateful. He was on a work trip and atleast thought of you enough to get you something that he thought looked pretty. The man deserves some credit


Yeah you ungrateful.alot of women got nothing at all because their men didn’t think of them.Your husband did…and now when he gets you nothing from here on out you will know why.


After a few years of being disappointed I now just specifically tell him 3 weeks in advance I want this for Mother’s Day or Christmas or for my bday. It’s not a surprise but I get what I want he isn’t stressing about it and everyone is happy

I learned many years ago that if you want something special get it for yourself. I’ve been married awhile and my hubby and I don’t expect gifts from each other, he loves me and I know so,so I get what I want and with that said you kind of sound ungrateful. Js sorry.

Yes, he wasted his money. Guys aren’t women. They don’t think like we do. At least he got you something and thought about it. Why does men have to spend all this money on a gift for ya’ll women to be happy??? I’ve seen so many women be complaining. Ungrateful is exactly what it is!

Idk the flowers & watching a movie/ spending time together would’ve been enough for me. If you were wanting a specific gift then you should’ve just said that. Men aren’t mind readers. Also, if the tables were turned don’t you think you would feel shitty if he said that to you about a gift you got for him?

Maybe he wanted to just see you in it and he wanted you to wear it because you never dress up! And he wanted to hint to get dressed up spice things up and do something fun :joy::white_heart:


At least you got something… men aren’t the best at gift giving. But for some of us, like me, we weren’t fortunate enough to even get anything at all, not even a card from dollar tree.

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Some people need to learn to be thankful all these post latley about not liking gifts or being rude about them… just wow

Wow, ungrateful much. There are tons of women who’s husbands didn’t get them crap, at least he remembered, and got you something

Yeah this mother didn’t
I was happy to at least celebrate it
Be grateful he at least thought to get you something

Why are you expecting him to buy you something on Mother’s Day?..he’s your husband not your child …smh

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Honestly it sounds as though it was approached respectfully and his response was a giant red flag. Definitely not the A… and I would be cautious about other responses in the future

You sound ungrateful to me,
He bought you flowers

At least your man got you something. Mine didn’t get me anything for Mother’s Day.

Complain if he didn’t get anything , complain when he does . Poor man .

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He did right… u wasn’t appreciative… I’d hv taken it back…

Nta… he couldve put thought in it… you just wanted him to think about it no matter how big it was.

That sounds pretty ungrateful :confused:


Next time when you don’t get anything just don’t say anything.

Geez. Some people here are just nasty. I’m not a material person. It’s pure hell for my poor husband to find anything to get me because I never want for anything; however, this would irk me. Give me a ‘happy ____’ and I’ll smile. Don’t get me something you know I won’t like just to say you bought me something. Nuh-uh. It comes off worse than acting like the day never even happened.

You expressed your appreciation. You’re simply having emotions over the fact it feels like he doesn’t know you nor cared to put in a little thought to at least get one you’d like.

His behavior is asinine though.


Damn… the bar is so damn low for most of the commenters here!

You got what you deserved. He didn’t have to get anything

Hahaha I didn’t even get anything :joy::joy:

Your not his mother sooo :face_with_hand_over_mouth:he should of gotten something for the kids to give you …

I hope that he never buy you another gift at all .

He should have gotten you nothing. You are ungrateful.

At least he thought of getting u something stop being so ungrateful u should have said thank you and stuck it in ur closet

To sum it up… yes you are the a#%hole

You should have thanked him and left it at that .


You are def the A hole here :woman_facepalming:t2:

To answer the question… yes you are. You do sound ungrateful, you need to be happy he even got you anything

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Obviously he’s got more important problems trying to keep you fat and comfy and you pick petty junk to complicate his life.
Even considered he already gave and gives you total access to the cash. Be honest about next year and if it’s a busy time you pass or discuss YOU buying your gift. I love you, he gives me everything and I repay him by trying for more or how he managed to get you in time.
Selfish thing !

Spoil brat much? Get over yourself


Sounds like you are a brat. He got you something.

You are the asshole. If the gift bothered you that much, you could have at least had the decency to bring it up another day. Be grateful he brought you flowers and spent time with you! Sounds to me like you two need to have a conversation about future gifts. Yes, tell him how you feel, but what makes you the asshole is your timing.

Men like really suck at gifts. At least mine does, I just say thanks, then get what I really want. :woman_shrugging:

So. He is the bread winner…and he provides you a home to raise your children in and your whining about a dress? You sound really ungrateful. Smh. How about the flowers…? Were they also not good enough? Wow. U need to apologize.


I was raised to accept a gift with gratitude and kindness .


I have learned over the years of having high expectations, hallmark ideas, and desires of feeling like Mother’s Day was meant to solely celebrate me, that…all those years I wasted and got angry because it wasnt what my mind told me it should be…are just that…wasted!! Once I stopped putting pressure on my family and myself everything seemed more genuine.
That’s how my family has decided to handle all holidays now and we are all happier as a result of not feeling forced or obligated by a calendar.


Your feelings are so valid. Maybe not good advice but awhile ago I let it go. I want it I buy it tired of waiting for a man to figure it out.


Be happy and grateful you received anything. There are alot of women who don’t get a thing for Mothers Day. Some don’t even get told Happy Mothers Day.

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I think the fact that it’s from his heritage does make it meaningful. I personally think that it matters more that he made an effort to go and get that and the flowers and give it to you. I understand, though, that you feel most loved when it’s something very thoughtful and personal to you. My advice-moving forward-would be to express that at a different time, rather than shortly after being given something. It sounds like it hurt his feelings and he needs to find better ways to express when he feels hurt, rather than trying to make you feel the same way. You could both work on your communication. You can honestly just be straightforward and say “it makes me feel very loved and thought of when you give me things that remind you of me, because you recall the things I enjoy and have mentioned to you. It shows that you listen to and care about the things I say and want me to know that.”

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My husband always asks me what I want and gets me exactly that from the kids. I would be kind of upset too if he got me something that he knows I would never want or use. But if he did that it would be a rare exception and I would just say nothing because every other gift he gets me is always perfect. I would never hurt my husbands feelings over a gift. Never. Its not about tge bare minimum because he loves to give gifts its about the thought for me. I would think about if this is his norm or not. If it’s his norm them yeah talk to him another time when your expecting a gift and let him know what you’re wanting him to get for you. But don’t insult him in the moment. Maybe he felt like he wanted his wife to have something from his culture. It sounds like a sentimental enough gift. There’s a lot of ppl on here that we’re raised pretty rude and demanding thoughtful gifts while hurting someone’s feelings is actually not ok.

I wouldn’t have said a word but thank you. And he brought you flowers. You are indeed the AH.

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He also bought her flowers. So that technically makes two stops at which he put “Thought” into his wife and her gift’s. Men don’t think like women do… stop expecting them to!
“Those who stir the chit pot should have to lick the spoon”
Be thankful that your husband made it home to you and your family safe… because assuming he’ll make it home is a blessing we all take for granted.
Be humble and love whatever gifts he has to offer no matter what they are or however ridiculous they seem to you, because in a minute it could all be gone!

I would say you acted like a spoiled child flowers I would love to get flowers that would be enough but a traditional dress from his country wow wear it for him around the house if nothing else be appreciative

I got Flowers and loved them. I don’t understand having such high expectations for these “Halmark” holidays. Just say thank you and be glad he remembered…even coming home from a work trip…

I’m sorry that most of yall expect bare minimum or no effort at all but I wouldn’t be happy with that nor should you feel bad for wanted him to put effort into his gift. I’m assuming you work year round for your household taking care of everyone and the house. Getting you something that means something isn’t alot to ask for.

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I didn’t get anything I wasn’t even told happy Mother’s day🤷‍♀️ you got flowers a little alone time and a dress till you ruined it being ungrateful and whiney…maybe stop thinking bout all the little details and pay attention what you do at least have or got before it’s gone.

Yes you’re the problem! He brought home flowers and a souvenir from his work trip. It’s a traditional dress from his country so you have a piece of his culture! The flowers would’ve been enough and you’re being a brat about it!

I think you need to give this guy some grace. You said he got you a traditional dress from “his country”, which means he probably didn’t even grow up in the United States or celebrating Mother’s Day. Let alone the implications and expectations behind it. He probably thought he got you a wonderful gift, something he would have gladly gifted his mother and you were pretty ungrateful for it. I mean, you weren’t taught that if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all?

Would you have been happier to get nothing, or maybe a dish sponge and soap? Things could have been worse. It may not have been your ideal gift, but any clothing is an acceptable mother’s day gift. I know husbands that gift vacuums, sponges, mops and laundry baskets for mother’s day and they grew up knowing those were bad choices.

Most of you are off the damn chain with your slick ass holier than thou “keep your mouth shut and appreciate the gesture” attitudes/bs :joy: the fall from that high horse might leave a mark!! :crazy_face:

Everybody back off she has a right to express her feelings it’s not like he didn’t know Mother’s Day was coming he could have put some thought into it or he could have given her nothing like most of you men would do you go out with a guys or you invite the guys in to watch football what have you you never stop and think of what all your wives do so if you can’t say anything nice don’t!

You deserve sleeping alone. He got you a gift. My hubby doesn’t because I am not his mom

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I would say It’s meaningful because he tried. Some people are better at gifts than others. If this is a quality that’s is super important, that’s something that should have been thought of before marriage is say.