Almost adult son won't do ANYTHING

Well first of all…turn off the WIFI… secondly, don’t give him money… and then treat him like he treats you… idk I think that’s what I’d do… I also have a 17 year old… it’s tough but I’m a giant hardass :woman_shrugging:

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Kick the little shit out!!

Seriously, write to the council and kick him out… ur enabling him to be a self indulged selfish waster… sorry but its true…
put ur foot down… stop doing his washing stop feeding the ungrateful thing and teach him that if he has the morals of a pig he will get no where in life and get nothing… if he steals one more thing call the bloody police!!!
Ur moaning about him being like this (sorry if this sounds harsh) but ur allowing him and ur enabling him to be like that!!!
Do not tolerate it!!!
If he doesn’t pay his way remove the privilege… change WiFi password… stop paying ANYTHING for him… be prepared for one hell of a tantrum and rudeness etc… but stick with it

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Tough love will only work here. Call the police and let them start getting him the help he needs. Any charges he might get will be sealed and maybe you can save him before it’s too late. Yes cut him off and stop enabling him.

The day he turns 18 you hand him clean clothes, tell him he can take a shower and after that he needs to get out of your house.

Hit him with that TOUGH LOVE. I did I had no choice with my son

  1. Stop giving him money.
  2. Give him a set list of what you need for him to stay in your home. Bills are not cheap nor are they free. Examples he has a set list of chores he has to do. He has specific set of contributions to make : food, laundry soap, cleaner etc. He also could be responsible for “rent”. Set it how you will $100, $200, $300 a month. He needs to get a job he’s old enough. He needs to stop smoking weed (where’s he getting that money?)
  3. He says he has anger issues and you say everyone is on eggshells, take him to therapy maybe there are underlying issues?

If he laughs at you or rolls his eyes, tell him straight up. Here’s what you need to do to stay here. If you cannot do this you need to find other living arrangements. I love you and this is why I will not allow this to continue. You’re an adult now and need to behave as such.

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He’s doing the things you allow , over and over . Give him 2 weeks to get his shit together or leave . Now , it’s his choice.

Who buys his weed? + would not tear my house up ask if we’re he’s gonna live? Pack his stuff and put it outside

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At that point he would have to leave. With the unknowing option that he’s welcomed back with changed behavior but right now hell no, kick him out. Let him get a taste of the real world

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That is your house he’s an adult if he can’t respect you n your rules tough love don’t give him any money or do anything for him n set the rules down give him a certain time to abide by these things if he can’t respect you and obey your laws let him find out the hard way exactly how good he had it …don’t enable him

I think that he is going through some mental problems. Get him some help as soon as possible. Could be bipolar. Help Help.

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Put him out of he doesn’t have a job by the time he turns 18.

Omg I’m dealing with the exact same thing with mine.alllllll of it except the weed but she has run away repeatedly. I’ve taken what I can nothing works

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Sounds like he does has some mental issues going on. Take him to therapy.

You tell him he’d to have a job by 18 or he need to figure something out because you can’t support him unless he’s gonna help out. It’s going to feel harsh but tough love is sometimes best needed.
No way in hell I’d allow my kid to trash my house period
Best of luck

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When my youngest was 18 he decided not to keep a job and stay out all night partying and sleep all day. He had his friends hanging out all the time.
I gave him 2 weeks to get a job and straighten up. He didn’t. I was renting so I moved and left him and his friends there.
Within a couple of months he was working and had stopped hanging out with those “friends”.

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Charge him rent lol

Seriously take a portion of all the house bills, water, gas, electricity, trash, food, even HOA fees if you got them. Give it to him all written out. Don’t forget wifi and cellphone.

If he’s not going to go to school, he can work and vice versa. Don’t enable him. Enabling him will hinder him as an adult.

throw him out !!!

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Girl kick his ass out! Sometimes you have to let people learn the hard way. Some people only learn when they hit rock bottom and learn what it is to struggle. He think he good because mommy’s there. My husband said the best thing his mom did was kick him out at 18. He had no choice but to figure his life out.

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My wise old gramma used to say “you’ll end up with what you’ll put up with”, I’ve come to learn she was right

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-Turn off your WiFi.
-Make him pay his phone bill. Suspend it if he refuses, should be easy to do with whatever cell provider.
-Take away controllers of any game systems, or the batteries/chargers.
-Put a solid lock of your bedroom door.
-Take his bedroom door off the hinges and hide the hardware. Privacy is a privilege, ask any inmate.
-Do not keep money or valuables in your house. Get a safety deposit box or a hidden safe with a code.
-If he destroys anything maliciously, or verbally or physically abuses you, call the cops. You should never be afraid or walk on eggshells with your own child.
-Once he is 18, and if nothing changes, change the locks on your doors and tell him good luck.
I know it’s tough, but sounds like he needs some extreme discipline.
Best of luck to you. :blue_heart:

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Get him into therapy, if he refuses, put him out.

Not every teenagers behaviour is mental health problems Christ sakes! Mayb he is just a lazy disrespectful little shit who needs a shock to his system to sort his life out!! Mum? I would give him a few month to find a job if he doesn’t kick him out! That shock of getting kicked out might make him see sense xx

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If he told them he has an anger problem, then maybe he does. And if you arent aware of it, then what else arent you aware of in his life? Why did you line up a job for him? If he didnt ask you to, thats concerning. Coming from a Marine, tough love is bullshit. The most influencial people are compasionate, patient, empathetic and set a good example. Maybe hes burnt out and needs a break from life. Obviously, that doesnt mean you should be a doormat, but it does mean you need to spend more time raising him. At this point, you need to focus on him. Spend ridiculous amounts of time with him, but not in a controlling way. He already knows youre always going to be there for him clearly, but now you need to set the example of expectation and reward. You need to teach him life skills and self-trust. Take him volunteering. Show him the reward and value of “giving of yourself”. Do handy work or crafts with him - not in a condescending way - to teach him how to rely on himself. Show him hobbies that he might find interest in like working at an animal shelter, gardening, crochet, making books… he may feel “eccentric” and pulled towards things you wont approve of and that is defeating because he can’t truly be happy doing what he wants knowing you will dissaprove of something that fulfills him.
Get him a therapist. Get yourself a therapist. Find the true source of his acting out and reraise him to behave correctly. All the “he’s an adult” bullshit can stop. He clearly is lacking the emotional tools he needs to survive in this horrible world. Start over, and start teaching him those things. You can do that now. He is still malleable. You can still set him up for a life of success and happiness, instead of going through the motions and just surviving. Life will force him to learn it in the long run, or uou can take the time to sit with him and teach it to him now. Demanding children “grow up” only ignores their basic needs for connection, support, and communication. Allowing them to express themselves, teaching them how to deal with complex emotions, and modeling good behavior so they can see the positive outcomes is imperative. If you havent actively done those things while raising him, maybe he doesnt understand it the same way as you.

Boot camp or therapy

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A 17 yr old who acts like that wouldn’t have a thing in my house. Change your wifi password so he has no access to it. Take the batteries from every game controller he has. Get a lock box for all your valuables, so that he cannot access anything of yours. If he trashes/damages your home, have him arrested. Remind him that it’s your home!! Once he turns 18, boot him out!

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It’s time. Past time.

I would look at the deeper issue… you say he doesn’t have anger issues… that doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel he doesn’t! You said he trashes ur house, rolls his eyes, laughs. … thats anger issues and possible signs of deep depression. Not cleaning up after himself, self medicating with weed to feel, something… or nothing. He is crying out for help! Thats all I see in your words is a child crying out for help and noone is listening. Please speak to a professional on this matter and seek help for him. Just because he’s almost an adult doesn’t mean he doesn’t still suffer from problems out of his control. He is feeling completely out of control and showing it in the worst ways in hopes someone will listen, please don’t give up on him.

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I’m sorry first of all, he’s 17 and still your child.
My first recourse would be to get him into therapy to figure out why he’s so angry. Also, find out if he’s using drugs.
Kicking him out will only ruin his life.
Idk, maybe my mom raised me different but, you don’t just abandon people. Especially your children.

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Cut him off now and let him know he needs to either get a job or go back to school. Don’t reward bad behavior ! Lock your things up so he can’t steal them. If he trashes your house or steals your things call the police on him. When he turns 18 throw him out if it doesn’t change. My mom let my younger brother do this and he is 58 yrs old and won’t function as an adult !

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Just don’t make his life so easy. Stop doing things for him and he gets no money. If he doesn’t go to school, then he will work. If he doesn’t work, he leaves. I have a daughter the same age. She’ll be 18 in July and we pay for her phone right now but if she doesn’t keep her grades up, go to school and keep her room clean, the phone is cut off

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Spank his butt and send him to his room, tell him if he wants to act like a child he’ll be treated like one until he wants to act like an adult.

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  1. STOP giving him money
  2. STOP giving him money
  3. STOP giving him money

Yes it will be very very hard and he’s going to carry on. Maybe get him into some sort of counselling. When it comes to stealing and trashing your house, tell him if he continues to do so you WILL go to the police. I know you shouldn’t have to in your own house but put a lock on your bedroom door or get a safe for all your valuables. Is there a male figure in the family or friend he can talk to as that might also help. And the last straw would be to ask him to leave(i personally wouldn’t kick my child out) but if it gets that bad you might have to. Set a date when he has to have a job by also. It will definitely get harder before it gets easier but you have to stop all money so he has nothing. Good luck Mumma, stay strong and don’t back down to him.

Tough love I’m afraid I’d kick him out make him realise that what your wanting from him isn’t asking much

Kick him out he will get it tough love he will man up unless a dumb bitch will suport his ass there’s no need for you to put up with that in your own home give him 30 days to get his shit together and be firm!!!

Throw him out on the curb , stop enabling him .

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Mine either went to school full time or got a job and paid rent (not more than they could handle) if they didn’t like those options then I had an eviction notice ready and they knew I meant it. Don’t give him money and give him slack. My oldest joined the Marine Corp right out of high school and the other 3 got jobs and paid rent until they had enough to get their own place. Lock everything down so he can’t get to stuff and if you catch him stealing then it may take you pressing charges to get his attention. He may hate you at first but with time they grow and see how much they screwed up. Stand strong and don’t back down from him.

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Wait until he’s 18 and when he’s gone, pack his shit and it outside. Change the locks and be done. He’s going to have to learn the hard way. In no way is this behavior acceptable or tolerated. Had to do this with my oldest and later, he came to me and said it was the best thing for him. I’m sorry you have to go through this. It’s not easy cutting off someone we love.

Sounds like he does have anger problems if everyone has to walk on egg sbells and on that 18th birthday send him out pack all his stuff sit it out and lock the doors

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It should have been done long before 17 years old. He needed to have his butt beat and taught respect. Now your just turning loose another loser into the world.

Sometimes tough love is what is needed.

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STOP giving him money. He is 17 and lives under YOUR roof, you are the parent so now you need to enforce the rules and stick to them. No budging. Let him know that he can no longer live in YOUR home and not contribute; household chores, no smoking weed, get a job, go to school or he is on his own.

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Tell him boot camp or get out!!

Tough love mumma.
It’s time to put your foot down and stop being an ATM. If he doesn’t like it pack his bags and send him on his way. Your house your rules

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Honestly I was similar to him at that age. My mom needed to cut me off but she never could. After she died though i got a lot better. Now I had special circumstances though. Not only are my mother and I both mentally ill, but my mom also abused me to be the way I was. So the situations are probably not the same. Either way though he needs to be out the weekend after his birthday. I think that’s more than fair. DO NOT GIVE HIM MONEY ANYMORE UNLESS HE EARNS IT. Do not cave. Stay strong. It needs to be done. He needs to fall on his face and learn how to pick himself up. You can be there for him and guide him if he wants, but you can not give him money or housing until he makes some life improvements. Be it mental health care or work or both. He needs to be bettering his life.

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Call Dr Phil but kick his ass out sorry but has to be donne

Call juvenile jail, to come get him. And when 18 give him 30 days to move out. Not out in 30 days,call cops. They will get him out.

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Have him checked for bipolar

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Kick him out or say no to everything. Stop keeping food in the house, stop doing his stuff

I agree with all these comments. There is no easy to this it will hurt at first to kick him out but love will win in the end.

Tough love sucks but he needs it. Cut him off and tell him he gets to move out on his 18th birthday. You dont need that example for the other children in your house if there are any

After he turns 18, give him an eviction notice and put it on his door.
I have seen my parents go through the same things from my sister. Things were BAD. You have to give tough love in a situation like this. He may bead for a little bit, but it will be worth it in the long run. I promise.

Kick him out of ur house and stop helping him. If he doesnt wanna go to school or get a job then its time for him to leave. Stop giving him money.

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The time to lay down rules is when they are young. They grow up knowing your expectations of them.
Why are you job hunting for him ?
How can he buy weed without money ?
Why are you accepting him laughing at you ?
Why are you scared of your son ?
He laughs at you are and gives cheek …you smack that smart mouth…hes not a child hes a man
Tell him hes got one month and his choices …school, find work, join the army or leave home .

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He’s still a minor. Take him to counseling. Even if he refuses to speak or tries to manipulate, that will give them something to work with. I am a social worker and I work with children K-12. His refusal to do things could be related to mental illness and counseling, and possibly meds if necessary, could be very helpful. I read you mentioned marijuana, he could be self medicating to suppress feelings you do not know about. Best of luck❤️

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KICK HIS BUT OUT PERIOD NO SCHOOL NO WORK NO HOME. HE HAS TO LEARN HES NOT GOD. That being said it’s on you to break this bs. Good luck

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Tough love time. Hugs mama. It won’t be easy. But no more money for free. And if he destroys property. Report him to the police as you would anyone else doing that to your home.

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He would have been gone

Tough love.
Kick him out and make him realize how much he needs you and your support

Kick him out when he turns 18…

Get rid of his ass!!

See a counselor or local police see if they have a scared straight program.

The day he turns 18 set all his shit outside!

Once he is 18… Give him an ultimatum. He gets a job and finishes school or he gets kicked out. Give him 2 more weeks once you tell him this then he gets kicked out if he doesn’t do as you ask.

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Id tell him to buck up his ideas or find somewhere else to live tough love he needs a reality check

Wait till he is asleep duct tape him up and have a come to Jesus meeting and he will know you are serious and he will respect you

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I feel so bad for you! Yep, probably need to kick him out and cut him off until he realizes how to be respectful and an adult!

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From experience, it sounds like issues at home.
Even at 18, many times actions reflect their life at home.
As a child of a narcissist, I know this is true.

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY KICK HIS ASS OUT. he’ll find a way. Or if He chooses not to abide by your rules, ie, get job , pay bills, be responsible he’s out. Its tough. But you are enabling him to be a lazy asshole. You need the strength to say enough is enough and stick to your guns like your life depends on it, and his. What would happen if you no longer existed? How is he set up to survive? Trust me I have a shit ton of kids half are adults and don’t depend on me for their lively hood.

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No no no it time for him to go if he will not do anything

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Tough love time Momma!!! Kick him out and let him see how good he would’ve had it if only he’d of gotten a job like you asked.

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My oldest is only 12 but from my experience on dealing with my oldest (he has adhd with oppositional defiance disorder) the best thing you can do is put your foot down, be consistent and stop enabling his behavior. Have clear consistent rules and be firm about them. Get him in counseling if you can.

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Beat
His
Ass

He’s grown so it’s not abuse
And you’re his momma and he needs to respect you.
I don’t normally condone violence but sometimes you gotta do something drastic.

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U r the mom why do u ask others what to do .sound as if u need help on how to b a woman n a mother

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On his 18th bday he will go out with friends. Change the locks. Stop paying for his phone, car, insurance.

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Talk to him now tell him if he is going to live there he will get a job,clean after himself and stop the weed or he’s out the door if he doesn’t act like he believes you when it’s his 18 th bday,give a gift with an eviction notice and have his stuff packed on the porch

Cancel his phone. Change wifi password. He’s draining you? Secure your cash and do not give him one thin dime. Don’t spend money on snacks. It’s all gone aside from the necessities. He can either earn these privileges, or you can kick his butt out on his 18th birthday.

What are or have been his consequences for bad behavior up to this point? He needs consequences!

Well I would tell him that when he turns 18 , he either needs to have a job and pay some bills and clean after himself or he will have 15 days to find somewhere else to live…
You have every right to kick him out, he is not a little kid anymore and he needs to be responsible.

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Tell him when he’s 18, he’s expected to move out, grow up, and be an adult. Explain that you’ve been trying to help him, he hasn’t accepted it, and now it’s time to learn by trial of fire. But you’d have to mean it. Good luck :heart:

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My son was this way, he is now sitting in jail. It will catch up with him. My prayers for you.

On his 18th birthday you are no longer legally obligated to provide for him. Kick him out , show him tough love and make him realize just how good he had it. Maybe , just maybe he’ll wake up and turn his life around.

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I think he probably needs therapy and/or on drugs. Tell him he is either going for help or going…period

Stop giving him money. Lock up your stuff and make sure he doesn’t know where it is. Stop paying for his phone. Change the wifi password. Give him a deadline. Get your sh*t together by x date or in x amount of time, if not, locks will be changed. Period. I’m not saying it’s your fault but it sounds like maybe there hasn’t been much discipline and now it’s out of control.

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Trash bag his things, put them outside & change the locks. Until he can grow up & become a responsible adult & be respectful & help you out. Bye :v:t4:

Lock the door an break his plate! :wave:

Call the police and have them escort him and his belongings off of the property.

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Stop giving him money !! Don’t pay his cell phone bill,

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This is so easy to say but so hard to do…its hard to watch your kid go hungry or no place to lay down…
Until you’re in this position you dont have a clue how hard just kicking them out is…ppl that has done it I want to know how you sleep at night bc I couldn’t…

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I would kick him out. He sounds absolutely deplorable, and sorry to say but you created this and you need to fix it asap.

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Yeap stop giveing hand outs

Sounds like he has narcissistic personality disorder.
You did not create this - and there is nothing you can do for him. You need to think about what to do for yourself to create safety and peace for yourself -
This sucks :frowning: I’m sorry

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Disrespect started long ago, he does he afford to buy weed???

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Boot camp can anyone say boot camp he’s only 17 you can sign him up an he can’t do nothing about it just say you wanna go on a trip with him an drop him off

My son was the same. He’s now in prison for the 2nd time. It’s his bad choices not yours. He will learn. Give him 30 days to pay rent find a job (everyone is hiring) do not help him. He needs to come into his manhood on his own. And yes it’s hard. I feel your pain, always here if you need a friend!

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When he turns 18 give eviction papers put up cameras catch him stealing have him arrested press charges

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Sounds like he needs new suit cases for his birthday

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Omfg this sounds like my sister !!! :flushed: wtf!!!

Juvenile detention center. Army. Navy.

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Boot the fledgling out and make him fly.

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