Question for moms of four-year-old girls… my daughter wants to play all the time, mostly barbies and acting out games, I work full time and go to school full time plus I have a two-year-old who might be autistic. My question is, am I a bad mom for not wanting to play? I love my daughter more than anything, and I know the best thing I can give my kids is time, but I don’t like playing barbies, and I’m always so tired… Thanks for any and all advice!
Get ur ass in there and make her day.She will grow fast and you’ll be to late
Sometimes it isn’t about what you like… making time for BOTH kids is sooo important.
Look… I’m a stay at home mom and my 3 year old constantly wants to play from the time he gets up till bed time and I just can’t
Yes it isn’t about what you like to do. It’s about making memories doing something your daughter enjoys doing.
It’s not about what you want. It’s about spending time with your daughter and making her happy.
I feel the same way. I do so much with and for my kids but playing with toys and little things like coloring with them is hard for me. But when it comes to swimming or swimming at the springs disney playing with something’s like rc cars that go 40 mph stuff like that I do lol I feel bad
Cut back your class schedule. Do less away from home so you can play with your daughter.
Yeah…it’ll take longer to graduate but she won’t be 4 much longer. So stop putting your child off because you’re tired and instead put off graduating.
I have a 3 year old and sometimes I play with her, but I have no problem setting her up with blocks, or a craft or just telling her to go play. Kids dont need around the clock entertainment.
It doesn’t make you a bad mum because you get tired hun. But try and play with her sometimes as these days with her wanting to spend time with you are precious, in a blink of an eye she will be older and will choose to be with friends instead of you. Treasure that she wants to spend time with you. But it doesn’t have to be ALL the time as you have things to do too xx
It’s not about what you like to do,it’s about doing what they need you to do…
Playing with them wether you like whatever it is or not is what they need from mom.
Enjoy it while it lasts because they grow so quickly.you don’t want to years later have regrets on the things you might wish you would’ve made time for
They are a part of your life,but you are their WHOLE life at this point.
No, it is perfectly acceptable to do the things that you both enjoy together and allow her to learn to play by herself with the things you don’t. Too many people today feel the need to fill every second of their child’s day with their presence doing “things” it is just as important for your daughter to learn how to play on her own.
No you’re not a bad mom BUT you have to figure out how to enjoy what she enjoys. She will pick up on your vibes and you don’t want her to act negative towards others who want to play with her (at school etc). Just set aside some time and tell her “we will play for 30 mins, then I need a break” trust me, those little 30 mins 3-4 times per week will mean a lot to her. Those times are bonding times and teaching times, don’t let them slip away
Some of you make it seem like such a big deal if she doesn’t? I mean. I absolutely do not like playing. At all. That doesn’t mean I don’t spend time with my little doing other things? We bake together, watch movies, go for walks. All those things don’t involve playing.
You won’t realized what you missed until it’s to late.
I can tell you from experience, it wont always be this way. And when they are grown you will regret not taking the time to play stupid barbies. My daughter is almost 18, i wish i could go back and play a game or something with her. Take a lil bit a time a couple days a week to spend with her. Cause in a few yrs she wont want to play barbies anymore
Girl it isnt about what yoy like . its about making time for both kids and doing what THEY like.
Just play the damn Barbie’s:rofl:
I’m teaching my 4 year old how to cook with me. She loves it! I find it a lot easier to get her to help me with the stuff I have to do. We get to spend time together and I get help and she’s learning responsibilities. Win, win, win.
I have three girls i would play with them often but i would also say no sometimes. By not playing with them everytime they wanted me to it encouraged them to be independent and use their imaginations.
My daughter used to want to play a lost puppy game all the time . I had to white knuckle through it. You aren’t bad and she will grow out of it quickly.
I was never a get in the floor and play barbies kind of mom. I’d read to them, color with them, do art projects, watch a movie but that was really it. Both girls are grown up and just fine. They learned to use their imagination instead of me entertaining them all the time. I’m close to both, one writes, one draws… You’re doing fine mama, let go of the guilt!!
Toys are for children to play with to help with imagination as well as building their fine and gross motor skills. As a mother you do not have to partake in the play but talk to her about what she’s playing and maybe sometimes while she’s playing. Don’t listen to these people saying it’s not about you, sometimes it’s about you. School and work areimportant to your future and your future is important for your children’s future. Raise her with love, guidance and show her how to be a great hard working human while letting her learn to be independent enough to play on her own and learn to entertain herself with your company
She’s gonna remember you putting her off. What she won’t remember is you going to school / work and being tired all the time. She’s four it doesn’t take much to just go “wooow” or dress up and have her dress up while you just watch. Have her play things where you can watch and just say comments on the sideline. Or have her create plays for you so you can just watch and enjoy from bed or the couch. And I play barbies with my daughter about 5 minutes and she’ll be the happiest kid all day.
Spend the time with her now, she will be grown and gone before you know it!!! Your gonna miss this when it’s gone.
It comes off as selfishness but not that you’re a “bad mom”. You should definitely make time to play and have fun but I also believe we need to teach kids how to play independently at times!
Playing is how children that young learn… play anyway… no child deserves to play alone all the time, it wont kill you
She’s only going to be asking you to play for so long, don’t take it for granted.
I don’t remember my parents playing with me and I love them a ton. I do remember them including me in their work (cooking, farm chores, e.t.c) and those are really special memories. I know it took them longer to do those things, but it felt good to be included. Anyway, my point is: I don’t think it matters what you’re doing with her, as long as you make sure to give her your full attention.
Sorry, but I worked full time, went to school full time, and still came home to my daughter to play & she is autistic I mean your going to regret it later.
Set aside time with you daughter to play. Said “mommy can play with you for 30 minutes before I need to start dinner.” She knows you are setting aside special time just for her and you have set parameters for the time frame so she knows what’s expected. AND THEN PLAY. you will NEVER get this time back. My daughters are 10 and 7, I commute an hour each way to work, I am gone from 8am until 7pm every day during the week. We read together during the week, in the evening, but my weekends (and I only have every other weekend because I have to split time with their dad) are all about them, whether I want to play barbi’s or not. I play. Because soon, they won’t have time for me because they will be in high school and too cool to play Barbie’s with me…
I have boys. They always wanna play rough. Fighting. Or hunting down monsters. And I’ll tell ya some days it’s far more difficult then others because I dont have that sort of imagination. But sometimes just let her take u by the hand and guide you. She just wants some mommy time. Even if you just hold the barbie and do as she tells you shell be happy.
Playing is a skill and just like any other takes time. Play with her somethings and others set her up to play alone. If you follow busytoddler on Instagram she cover stuff like this a lot! Don’t feel bad about being tired, the fact that you even feel bad makes you a great mama.
Set a certain amount of time each day to play what your daughter wants. That is what I used to do with my kids when they were small. Soon enough they will be hanging in their rooms all day or on their phones and hanging with their friends and you won’t be playing with them anymore.
My kids are my priority. Whether I’m tired or not does not change that they deserve all the time I can give them . Sometimes we play games where I have them take the lead so they do most of the playing but I am present . That’s what they remember .
My son played on his own a lot. I worked on my farm and he had to make do with whatever was about. Maybe make some time to rest with her if that helps you both.? So she has a little mummy time but it’s calm and quiet. You don’t have to fill every minute your not working
you’re fine girl. but compromise. it’s exhausting to constantly be their only form of entertainment. but the others are right, too. those moments are fleeting.
I have a 4year old boy that’s obsessed with playing Godzilla. I don’t play with him very much so if your a bad mom for that then so I am 🤷 I honestly don’t think it makes bad mom’s if we don’t play as long as they are getting enough attention in other aspects! Playing alone builds their imagination and Sparks creativity!
Your not a bad mum we can all go back a wish we had our time over on everything but as long as she gets some time from you does not mean you have to play barbies and stuff
I honestly don’t ever remember my mom playing Barbie’s or baby dolls with me, but that woman is my best friend in the entire world. I didn’t even have a sibling until I was 10 Kids don’t care. Feed 'em, talk to 'em, listen to 'em and you’ll be good
Just buy them cool toys and they can play together. I don’t play with my kids
I personally would make time - even if it’s 1 hour once a week - to get down to her level and play. Especially if you are as busy as you say you are-I’m sure it would mean a lot to her. Definitely doesn’t mean you are a bad mum if you don’t.
Send her to her Grandma’s My daughter doesn’t like to play Barbies either. But I do. Being the gma but my daughter told me she doesn’t know how to play Barbies. She was a tomboy never played Barbies. I told just try to play with her. She’ll tell you what to do and some of the stuff my grandaughter says when were playing cracks me up. You might try…
The fact that you are asking the question answers your question.
I am a huge bookworm. Love, love, love books. So, apparently, does my two year old daughter. I love reading to her. Once. But see, she wants me to read like 10 books. I want to nourish that behavior in her so she will grow to love to read and I know it’s good for their vocabulary. But man I hate doing it. I don’t know why. I just do. I hate sitting and coloring with them (2 & 3) I wish I could like doing it more. But in reality, I like going to the park, throwing the ball around outside, playing in the creek, etc. maybe try and find something you can both enjoy
Not a bad mom but some of my best memories are when my mom would play with me. So I’d definitely make time still
I totally feel your pain… I have 1 that’s 3 and am pregnant and work full time and he’s always asking me to play with him, (though when he’s home alone with his dad he’s fine playing alone ,) anyways, I’ll play with him when he asks, but sometimes it’s just for 10 mins at a time when I have to get other things done… so I can juggle everything and don’t have to tell him no all the time… I also suggest things I’d rather play or do and he usually will be flexible lol
Bad mom, no. Selfish meh yea, possibly. You don’t have to play with her constantly, but it won’t kill you to take 20 minutes to play barbies with her, she is 4 she is gonna want to play dolls with her mom. Not to be rude, but instead of being on fb take that time to play with her.
They grow up so fast one day you will look back and miss this. Coming from a mom of an 18,20 and 25 yr olds enjoy this time while you can.
Question do u play with her at all
It not about the toys. Teach her to cook or dance with her while doing chores. Every day life can be fun time and get things done. My daughter 17 if she ask me to sit in a chair while she does my make up or even hair If I’m not doing something that important or has to be done at the moment. I stop and spend time with her. That how memories are made.
I am now a grandma and have more time to play. I feel sad now that I wasn’t more patient with my own 4 girls because those times I should have treasured as now the chances are gone forever. They are only little once don’t wish it away.
Why are you having kids and dont have time for them. Shouldn’t you thought about that before you started getting pregnant? Your not the only mother that works and goes to school. Make time for your kids or dont have them. Your hurting them.
See if there is a little girl close to her age nearby and they will play for hours.
No… you ARE a shitty mom. Give your kid some attention ffs. It’s not all about you. And you don’t get to neglect one kid just because you have another.
No u r not a bad mom at all u have to work hard for them and u r also tired u can play with her when u r not tired i also don’t play with my daughter much because I’m mostly busy but i do joke her and play with her sometimes but she mostly just play on her own.u can tell her why u couldn’t play with her nicely she will understand and even more understand when she grows up. My mom also didn’t played with me much but i love her and totally understand why she didn’t play with me i didn’t mind actually.
I don’t really play, as far as with toys, with my 5yo and 7yo. They have learned to self entertain and it’s good for kids to play together and or independently. That being said I read to them, we color, play hide and seek, go outside when weather allows, and I have them help with house work by making it fun and we dance around the house and clean and sing. It’s teaching them responsibility while also making memories and having fun! There is NO reason to feel guilty or like a bad mom, you’re doing your best.
Sit and color? Any mom in here expressing hate or negative should be ashamed. It’s not easy juggling everything all the time! I HATED playing dolls, so I’d tell her to give me a fashion show so I could sit lol any interaction is fine.
Who asks if they are a bad Mum? Don’t ask others to label you bad or good. I think the word here is tired. If you can’t play with her talk with her, get her doing other things you can do together or with the family, however always give some time to your children or why else would you have them.
I used to hide books under the couch after the 20th time reading it. Does that make me a bad mom?
Parents-my Grandbabies told me that their mom does nothing but play on her phone. They all 3 have tried to tell her. I tried but it didn’t matter. I feel sorry for your little girl.
I felt sad reading this
You can always make time. My daughter is about to be 4 next month and I’m in school full time and work part-time. I be sure to let her know that i have things to do, but will play with her afterwards.
Honestly, get over yourself. Play with your child. Make time or find a nanny that will.
Definitely not a bad mum we all get busy my 7 year old loves playing barbies I personally don’t but I will get her to bring her barbies in the car on adventures to the shops outside on the trampoline we still play together but makes it more fun than just sitting down and playing barbies in her room she loves it!
Redirect her to play something you both would enjoy. Puzzles, games, reading maybe. I dont play with any of mine either. But we did other things. Art, playing video games, puzzles or book.
Terrible question to ask. Play with your kid. I’m in your same boat!! You will look back and WISH you had “time” to play. I hate saying this but this is what I think about… what if tomorrow never comes? You are not good or bad. You’re tired, I get it, trust me! You can’t change yesterday but you can look forward to tomorrow and live in today!
So most kids don’t say I had a bad day mom. Instead it’s can we play. Maybe daycare did an activity she doesn’t like. Maybe she got in trouble and needs to know you still love her. She may see the two year old acting out and not understanding why ask to play. She wants mommy! She wants her safety net! That’s you so what you’re really saying is I am to busy to care. Go play with that baby. Encourage her imagination. Tell her you love her and even though her sibling takes up a lot of your time you still want her. So in short yes it does make you a bad mom. Tired is a joke. My best memories with my kids is playing a game they made up. Playing barbies, cars, board games. I would go in at 8 am and be up till 12 am. Why? Because I am mom that’s the most important job you should ever be blessed to have.
Dont feel bad. And dont listen to the judgy ass women being down right rude.
There is no reason for anyone to be mean. She is a young Mom. She loves her children if you don’t have advice keep your comments to you self. No it doesn’t make you a bad Mom. I’m sure you’re a very good Mom.Just a tired one
I don’t like playing barbies either but I always set aside sometime for my 4 year old. Today we watched movies and worked on writing her name. Your child just wants that attention she deserves. Plan activities, include her in meal times, shoot even take her for a walk. I’m a full time worker and college student as well. You got this mama! You can even include your son in play time by having play dough and bubbles depending on any sensory issues.
I feel you girl! I work full time and go to school full time and have a 6 year old who always wants my undivided attention. I make her go play by herself sometimes cuz she needs to learn how to keep herself busy. Also we have our second on the way which she will hopefully be very helpful then
Imagine living with your most favourite person in the whole world but they ignore your attempts to interact with them… how would that make you feel? Don’t rationalise it but think of how much it would mean to her if you just sat down for half an hour and played with her, doing something she clearly enjoys… I’d give anything for a daughter so I could do this stuff with her let me tell you
I could never imagine NOT playing with my child.
Have you ever tried “playing” school? You could do your homework and she could work in a pre-k workbook.
Mum of four here. I don’t play barbies or any of that. I do cook with them and take them out a lot and spend time with them. But no toys
This is just sad That’s how children interact with you. You should appreciate the fact your child wants to play with you all the time. It doesn’t matter if you work full time, or go to school full time or your just tired all the damn time. Get on that floor any play with your baby and make those memories because sooner than later she will grow up and not want to interact with you the way that she is now.
Children dont stay little forever and how you interact with your child does affect the way they grow up.
Wont she play babies with sister? See if you can get them to play . You start a tea party and walk away (start a chore) walk back in check ,engage , drink some tea ,walk off leaving them to play. You dont always have to play.
You do things you dont want to sometimes for your children. I dont think its unreasonable to play with her for a little bit each day and playing make believe or dolls is good for them. Better than sticking them in front of the tv or on a tablet.
Enjoy all the time you can with your kids, wtf is wrong with you. When they’re 20 you’ll sure as hell regret it
I hear you. It’s hard. I was a full time student and worker years back. I was too busy to do much thankfully he was tiny. Now he is 4 and I make sure to set aside a few minutes before beginning dinner. And a few minutes after for puzzles or indoor soccer. I want to try because In a couple of years he will not be interested if I’m not now.
Idk wtf is wrong with ppl but its not bad. But u need to try to mAke time i feel the same way
Tired or not, you need to play with your child. That kid should come first, before any job, any person, anything.
Play with your child,they’re only small once,& those days don’t last long…Leave your chores for the wknds…
No but you’ll regret it in the future. I do.
Get over it and play with Barbies. It’s important to her. Take twenty minutes to spend time the way she wants to
If you don’t like to play Barbies with her find something else to play, you said you are a student do you school work at the table while playing school giving her something to color. Let her help you cook, she is wanting your time and attention. Gene her some quality one on one time each day, if you don’t you will miss out on more than you realize. It won’t be long before she has no time for you.
My trick was to have them play so we could converse together. Single mom with 5boys 4 girls… I went for sooo many hot wheel rides fixing dinner changing diapers etc… I had so much drama with Barbie while doing things I had to do
What you’re inadvertently saying is that she is an annoyance and an inconvenience in not just your schedule but perhaps your life. It sounds harsh but so does your post.
You’re looking for reassurance from us to say “no you’re not a bad mum!” In an attempt to feel better about rejecting and abandoning her. In my eyes the words you chose in your post come across that yes you are denying your child precious irreplaceable TIME & presence with her whole universe (you)
Yuck. I feel horrid for your daughter
Nope. Maybe try having her help with dinner or read a story with her. I can’t play with my almost 5 year old because he gets so rough I’m covered in bruises (he only plays that rough with me…). So we do other things together usually with maps or cooking or telling stories.
It’s funny how bitches act like it’s the worst thing In The world to not play with your kids 🤦😂
Can you do fun stuff like sing, be silly, talk while you are doing bedtime routine? Just a little something goes a long way.
Your daughter is only this age once. And she is building the foundation of her relationship with you now. I understand that you may be tired and may hate playing Barbies, but it is a bigger deal to your daughter than just that. She wants time with you. And it wont kill you to do something you dislike that will bring her joy. She will remember as she grows up that you took time for her. And as she gets older she will be able to more freely go to you for things because she could when she was young. As someone who has grown up with a very strained relationship with a very disconnected mother, I can tell you time does not heal all wounds. You don’t want your daughter to grow up and be too busy to make time for you or treat it like a chore because you are choosing to do the same thing now.
Are you a bad mom for not playing barbies? No. Are you putting everything before your daughter, including her sibling, yes. Fake it and play with those barbies for her.
Play with you daughter!
Don’t feel like a bad mom. I think most of us have felt the same way! I remember being a kid and my dad being too tired after work and my mom being too tired or sore and there are times that I wished they would have played with me more. Remembering that pushes me to play with my daughter and my 6 month old more because I don’t want them to look back and wish their mommy had played with them more or even myself looking back and wishing I had. Sometimes playing with my daughter is just doing her hair as she’s dressed as a princess and telling her she’s pretty but I think it’s important to make them feel like you are playing. Even if it’s just brushing out the Barbie hair or changing their outfits to “make them look cute” lol
Nope. My rule is I don’t play pretend. We play bored games, read, do crafts, we don’t do barbies.
How about reading them a story before bedtime??
It sounds like you definitely have a lot on your plate. I don’t know how I would handle being in your shoes, so you will not hear me crucify you for vocalizing something that I know many more mothers also feel. While I definitely believe balance is key, I thought I’d share this with you, to hopefully let you know you aren’t necessarily “screwing your child up for life”. There are benefits to letting your child play alone. You just have to try to find a way to level out her alone time with bonding time, because you are her mama and she loves you. Motherhood isn’t easy, there is no one right way to do things. Make sure your daughter sees that you care and that you’re doing your best, and she will be fine. Hang in there, mama.