Am I a bad person for not liking a baby?

You are grieving and that is normal. Cut yourself some slack and get so.e therapy. Your “friends” aren’t friends. They are toxic. I would cut them off.

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Why are you still friends with them? Do they some secret they’re holding over you two? Strange. Sorry for your loss but I’d rather cut off people like that

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I’m sorry 4 it close. Its truly sad but other people will have babies n whatever their reasons r is their business. I understand ur grieving right now. I’m sure in time u will have another baby. Prayers n hugs

Sorry for your loss. You never get over losing a baby, even when you have another baby. You need support of friends and family. I would ditch those friends
Best wishes x

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Along with what everyone else has been saying these “friends” sound racist and classist as well.

Please take care of yourself and your man. If you need to, cut everyone off for a while and say you both are grieving a loss and need to step back for a while. Maybe not associating with this couple specifically or anyone except your man and parents maybe, will give you space to objectively look at this relationship and decide if it’s worth salvaging or not.

It might help for you and the dad to light candles at a spiritual place, release balloons, create a little memorial garden, plant a tree, pay for a memorial plaque somewhere (if you didn’t have a name picked, just use Baby Lastname), frame a sonogram or if there’s a grief counseling center, they may have some suggested rituals you can engage in to honor your baby who is now an angel.

My local hospital put on a program to remember lost loved ones who died, and it was lovely and comforting, and being with others who were grieving made me feel less alone. It is equally hard on the dad, so remind him to be gentle and care for himself as well.

If you are a member or frequent a church or similar institution, there’s probably a service for the dead that might be a comforting ritual, either as part of a socially distant assemblage if your close family and a spiritual leader or just through you and your fellow taking turns reading through the parts of the service at home.

You can ask to be put on a prayer list. I don’t even believe in a traditional god, but was on a list for a church prayer group when my mom died. It comforted me and I could feel the love and support even though I only knew one of the members who was praying for me.

I also like to think that a miscarriage means something was wrong and this little being would not have survived well and now their soul will be recycled into another new person. Or understand that energy and matter are eternally changing but never go away, so elements of your baby’s energy are all around you, in the air, the water, plants and animals, constantly cycling through.

My condolences. Sending you comfort and hugs.

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That couple sound toxic to you. Of course u have the right to feel what u feel, I feel it too with u hun just by reading :heart:

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I a bad person for not liking a baby?

They sound like shitty friends

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Wow your probably need to stop following there posts and take a break from them and go out and meet other couples.

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Your not a bad person after i lost our first pregnancy i was a complete mess couldnt see the baby section in stores couldnt stand to be around babies nothing

First of all I feel like they were jealous of your relationship, second of all if something makes you feel sad, bad, emotional is messing with you head, doesn’t let you live your life happy, maybe it’s time to move along, I mean maybe it’s time to let go of those “friends” and just completely take them out of you guys life, that’s it, all that is toxic and the only way you will move past it all the hurt etc. Is by completely taking them out your life, move on live your life with your man hang out with positive people and you will get positive back! Good luck!

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When I found out our friends lost there baby we had just found out we where pregnant. We kept it quite for a while because I didn’t know how to tell them when they where in so much pain. They heard threw the grapevine and questioned me about it. I was happy for us but so sad for them at the same time.

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You’re dealing with loss and so you may not react rationally to things and that’s totally okay. Allow yourself(yourselves) to grieve without the added pressure of these “friends.” Honestly, I would just step back from them, focus on your relationship and getting over this very difficult time in your guys’ relationship.

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These people don’t sound like friends at all. I’m so sorry you lost your baby I know first hand how much that hurts. You have nothing to feel bad about they are petty people and I definitely wouldn’t want them in my life. Best wishes to you.

Your dislike is misdirected because it was following a trauma. Your “friends” are one uppers and I thinks that’s really toxic. I think it’s time to find new friends and go to counseling to help guide you through what you are feeling and process it.

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Find new friends unfollow

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They’re toxic stay away from them

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You are not a bad person you just have some not do good friends.

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They sound like shitty friends

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You’re still grieving, that’s ok. But please stop being friends with them. They sound like terrible people

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Its not the baby, it’s what that sweet baby represents to you. Im so sorry. But those are not friends.

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I think you should focus on you and your family and keep these negative people out of your lives, that’s jealousy and envy all the way, stay away from that,it’s much safer

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Stress and negativity play on your mind an body.
Distance from these people. Heal an try again.
You have kids, focus on them an your partner. Enjoy eachother. Be happy.
Move on from said friends.

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First off they like drama I’m guessing. The comments that girlfriend makes its unacceptable. They are the type they want you to thank them for something they did out of kindness for the world to see. I hope you have your rainbow baby & get to carry full term. You all are in my thoughts & prayers :heart::rainbow::baby:t3:

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It is not that you don’t personally like that individual baby… I had 2 miscarriages last year. I broke down after every pregnancy announcement, baby shower invitation, or baby I saw. It is really tough but I know you will get through it. You will be in my prayers. God Bless :heart:

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With friends like that, you don’t need enemies.

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Yeah that “friend” didn’t give a shit about you or how you felt or anything I’m so sorry you went through this sweetheart

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Please do a good clean in your facebook,insta whatever list. I deleted over 300people from.my list . It feels so good. Surround yourself with people that are genuine hsppy and shpportive to both of u. If not,fuck them. People come and go in ur life.

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For your own mental health unfollow this girl and stay away from them. They are toxic for you. Just let them fade away.

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Yes, you are… yes, what you went through is horrible. But, you do not get to turn your grief, hurt to not like a baby, because how or why it was made, is NOT good enough reason or… Yes, you have right to be hurt by their actions towards you, they don’t sound like the right friends for either of you. But, people would rather have sh!tty partners, or friends just to say they have… But, you are misdirecting your emotions, feelings &… See you deserve sympathy, get sympathy, because you & your guy went through a very traumatic thing, losing a baby… but you do not get a free pass to be a horrible person to a baby, either. No mater the how or why… their is a baby in thier life, who did nothing to you, for that part, grow up. Get pissed all anybody wants, cause if that were your child someone was not liking, no matter the reason… if it were me, we’d have a problem. No matter your damage or issues, my baby… girl. And, wether they have a good enough reason to bring a baby into the world, is not for you to decide… they might be the best parents in the world, to their… NOT your choice or business. For your own sanity, and probably best for that poor kid, unfriend, unfollow, block… move on. Cause honestly I don’t care if I was Satan to you, you bobble your head at my kid… no

You are not wrong,they are toxic and your feelings are valid. So sorry for the miscarriage also,it will take time :pray:

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Those people are not your friends…they like and obviously feed off drama…you are an adult and don’t need that in your life. I am so sorry for your miscarriage…I don’t have a clue what that is like but I couldn’t imagine the pain…your pain and grief is very real and you have the right to grieve any way you choose…if right now it’s not liking the baby then so be it. I don’t think you will always feel that way but It will take time…and girl those people sound stupid…if I would have been told I should have thanked someone for my relationship I would have turned into petty patty real quick and snapped back with the well thank me for your baby comment!

Those “friends” should have been dropped a long time ago.

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They are the worst kind of people you could have as friends- get yourself away from those people.

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I’m sorry for your loss :white_heart: and you’re definitely not the a**hole. Let that “friendship” go and save yourself any additional heartache.

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You have wrong frnds. Plz walk away from them. Hopefully you will have your own kids soon. Plz stay positive

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Just because you don’t want to be involved with those people or their child it does not mean you dislike the baby. Miscarriage is a hard thing to go through and you are still grieving, everybody grieves differently for different periods of time. Those people sound extremely toxic and after that talk with you while you were pregnant I would have cut them out immediately.

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Considering u didn’t acknowledge the birth of their baby I would say your not friends anymore. Unfriend them on FB and in real life and move on.

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You are entitled to feel how you feel, nobody can tell you otherwise! I’m sure things are completely worded here because I’ve been in a similar situation and as time went on, I realized it was more the situation and the adults who I did not like, resented and even despised! I seriously think you guys should cut ties with these people, they have their own issues and you don’t need them bringing you and your relationship down

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Drama, drama, drama… ugh! If you don’t like them don’t go around them. It really is “that easy”
And yes. It’s petty on your part to not like a baby.
Here’s the way to fix it… block her so you don’t see the shit she posts and it won’t bother you. Grow up.

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I mean. They’re obviously toxic… grow up and move on. Go live your life. I’m sorry if I sound rude but I’m just being real. Who cares about them. You’re not wrong for how you feel. Move on. Period.

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Fuck them bro, I don’t see why you’re even friends with such assholes

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You have the wrong friends but what your feeling is normal too. I wanted to be happy for those after my miscarriage but it took awhile. I couldn’t be because all I could think of was that they had their baby and I lost my little girl. But it gets easier, and after my rainbows it heals but doesn’t go away.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I a bad person for not liking a baby?

Ask yourself what they are bringing to the friendship? Joy, happiness, companionship, love, loyalty, nurturing feelings….because if it’s none or few… it’s time to rethink the relationship. Sounds to me like it’s bringing nothing positive, so it’s prolly time to back away.

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I would just cut them outta your lives completely so that u guys can grieve n in your own ways find how to cope with the miscarriage and strengthen your relationship with your man and then of course they again when you all are ready best wishes hun🥰

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Re evaluate the friendship… if your man can’t see their foul ways then make sure you stay away from them. They sound toxic aaaz. Goodluck cause that’s some real hard stuff you’ve been through x

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Jealousy will kill a relationship faster than anything, besides cheating of course. Your “friends” are jealous of you and your boyfriend, and ANYTHING you do, they will copy. If you’re not comfortable with that, then you’d better sever the “friendship” now. But I have to say, sending a group text to announce their pregnancy is the lowest. THAT tells you what she/they think of your friendship. Given the circumstances of them knowing of the miscarriage and knowing you’re hurting and grieving, YOU should’ve been then first to know of their pregnancy. Sure, it would be awkward to tell someone of your pregnancy when you know they’ve just lost a child, but nonetheless, they should’ve respected you enough to tell you in private, in a gentle way, that they are pregnant. I think you would feel differently if this situation had been handled in a much more cordial manner. But since that wasn’t done, I think your relationship/friendship is done. I’m sorry.

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Those people are not your friends…but you and your boyfriend are just as bad of friends as they are…you have continued to go along with the whole fake scenario so no one is better than anybody else. I’m truly very sorry for your miscarriage. As far as the other couples baby…this child had nothing to do with the ignorance you all have going on. No,you don’t have to like the baby.
You all are pretty immature. Stay out of each other’s business and move on!

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I’d just cut off the friendship and move on with your own lives. You and they are not compatible.

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They don’t sound like good friends… she’s just jealous of what you and your boyfriend have… and i felt the same way when i miscarried my second baby at 3 months… I didn’t like seeing pictures or newborn babies or people who would post ultrasounds announcing they were expecting , not that i hated them but i disliked it alot because their babies would be born around the same time as mine would have… but with time it went away… i guess is some way of grieving because it was painful… but I understand why you would hate the baby, it’s all because of them… so it would be best to cut them out of your lives…

1.) Sorry for your loss.
2.) Its time to cut ties from the mutual friend and girlfriend(you don’t need them in your life)
3.) You need to go out and make new friends.

Why stick around with friends like that? Noooooooo. Just walk away from them and stay away. Friends are supposed to carry each other… uplift… encourage. They are NOT worthy to be called friends

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Those are not your friends or his. Those people are toxic, get out of the friendship now

Like you said you know its not the babies fault. You resent the way “these” friends have been acting and to be honest those arent real friends. Quit worrying about them their not really your friends. And focus on you and yours as long as your happy. Dont worry about what they do or think. They might not last, a baby wont fix a relationship and that’s wrong that he gave in just to shut her up.

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You don’t need “friends” like that.
You are right about the baby, you are still grieving

Lol! Bro… youre all fake! Leave the poor baby out of it. Competition relationships much :flushed::roll_eyes::shushing_face:

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It seems like theyre competitive. I would walk away.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I a bad person for not liking a baby?

You are grieving and hurting. It’s only natural for your feelings to be like this. My sister lost her baby early this year, we work together. A coworker had her baby shower and my sister broke down. We also learned our 60+ dad’s new wife, 40’s, is prego. It keeps hitting her hard. Time will tell. If this feeling doesn’t leave, you are not to blame. Don’t stress this.

You and your bf need to dump them and move forward. You don’t need them in your lives. I would be soo upset. They are not friends and never have. They aren’t supportive at all. Their little lives will shatter because someone is going to have enough of the competition…

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You feel betrayed by the friends… that their baby isn’t because of an accident or that they really wanted it… it was basically outta jealousy for you being pregnant. You being upset that you lost yours but they delivered theirs feels like it’s unfair to you. I’d be upset too. I think anyone would feel that way whether they showed it or not. Stay strong & continue your grieving process. It won’t be like this forever for you towards that baby once you’ve healed… well, hopefully. It sucks tho, I feel for you. Sorry for your loss, I couldn’t imagine.

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Your feelings towards the baby are more likely because of what their child represents. A bargaining chip in their relationship, and a kick to the gut that they have their baby and you don’t have yours. I think some sort of envy would be expected, honestly. You’re grieving, and I’d imagine keeping your distance from these “friends” at the moment would benefit all of you.

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If she announced after your miscarriage then she obviously didn’t care about ur feelings and the fact that she/him they took u aside and suggested to tell his parents just for money reasons says they don’t respect your relationship. And when the she compares what u have in your relationship to hers she obviously doesn’t think highly of her own relationship or she wouldn’t put him in that position… My opinion I say drop them you and him need time to heal and that negativeity isn’t healthy at all.

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I can understand not liking the friends/parents but to not like the baby is sad. Not the babies fault. I would probably stop notifications so you don’t have to see them or the baby on social media. I’m so sorry for your loss

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Not to be too critical or anything but I’m pretty sure u all need to grow up. I’ll leave that there!

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You are not a bad person. You are grieving. I would feel sorry for that baby. Im sorry for your loss.

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It doesn’t sound like it’s the baby you don’t like, I think your ‘friends’ aren’t acting like friends. And that’s awful. I’d unfollow them or take a break from social media for a while. I’m so sorry for your loss.

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Who cares. Live your life. I had a cousin who was super mad I got married before she did, she burned rubber out of the parking lot in front of my parents. We all laughed.

It doesn’t seem so much about not liking the baby but it seems those friends aren’t really friends at all. It’s hard to be around babies after a miscarriage. I had one earlier this year and it was so traumatizing that I decided to just have my tubes tied. I’m older and me and my guy have 5 between the 2 of us already and we have nieces and nephews to love on. But your friends seem like dicks…

toxic. Stay completely away!

Dump both those mo-fo’s and don’t go near them….but do go to counselling for your dislike of the baby. You have some hurt that you need to heal and putting that onto an innocent baby will earn you some bad juju. Move on with your gorgeous man, and ignore the haters :flushed:

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NO YOU ARE NOT A SH*TTY PERSON.
You are a grieving mother who has lost your child. There is no right or wrong way to grieve.
My heart goes out to you. I cannot imagine your pain.

IMO, those friends you have aren’t genuine at all and you need to dump her fast :100: As far as the baby goes, I believe you feel betrayed and forsaken a bit because a shitty, unqualified couple not in love gets to have a baby where your love is pure but you were unable to carry to term at that time. Trust and believe it wasn’t the right time and what is meant to happen will happen in time. It’s not the baby, it’s what the baby represents. Perhaps you feel she has the life you’re supposed to have RN

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It doesn’t sound like you don’t like the baby.Sounds more like you don’t feel comfortable with the friends for their past behavior

They really are not friends. I’m so sorry for your loss.

Dump the “friends.” Friendship should never be a competition.

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I personally would tell ur man everything they have said to you y’all need to walk away from this couple they are not your friends

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Sorry for your loss,
Cut them out of your life there not friends there just jealous!

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Sounds like that mutual friends gf is jealous of you and very toxic. They don’t sound like very good friends are all. Sorry for you’re loss

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I would travel and meet NEW friends. You aren’t obligated to stay friends with people who make you feel that way.

Be happy. And you will get what you want when that time comes.
Condolences on your loss. :blue_heart:

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I think your problem isn’t with the baby it’s about how toxic these “so called " friends” are. If they were your bf’s real friends they wouldn’t have spoken to you about his family and even suggested you have an abortion. Obviously the other woman was feeling bitter towards your pregnancy ( which is why they got pregnant) so was obviously trying to ruin it for you. They were insensitive to announce it in a group chat after your loss. They could’ve took yous to one side first/ told people separately. Now you know your baby was out of genuine love and being wanted by both you and your bf, and theirs was out of jealousy on her part and to " shut her up" by him.it all seems so unfair to you. You feel you don’t want to show happiness for them because they have hurt you. Your problem isn’t with the baby. The baby does 't know if yous visited or liked his/her photo. This is about your feelings for them which most people would feel the same. They wanted your baby dead !! Don’t be hard on yourself. :heart:

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Oof not friends of mine. Sounds like they need to evolve

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I’m stuck on you getting pregnant after 8 months when you’ve already got kids. Not everything revolves around you.

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Honestly I’d cut these so called friends off and stop all communications with them

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You dont dislike this baby, honey…you dislike these people. Especially the girl. These are not your people, they are not your friends. I’m not sure why, after all that, they are still in your lives but maybe that should stop.

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There is a lot to unpack here.

  1. Tell him what they said period. You should have told him from the get go.

  2. Yes that girl was jealous, 4 years and he’s not wanting to really progress in the relationship… I think that’s understandable specially for someone who wants kids!

  3. Having a baby was the easiest option for their relationship for him… Makes it more understanding why she was envious.

  4. It’s ok to feel how you do, you’re grieving and people grieve differently!

Pretty much they aren’t good friends at all to your BF simply for the way they approached you and had that conversation. And I doubt they viewed (people’s opinions change) you positively otherwise they never would have done that.

You could always seek a professional to speak with, because you’ve been through some traumatic and it’s very helpful to just let it out.

Regardless I am sorry babe for the entire experience and the loss of a child :heart:

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Just because they act happy for you, doesn’t mean they are. They sound so toxic. Cut them out.

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:sob: I’m sorry for you loss. I’m sure all your feelings are normal and you need to allow yourself to grieve. Maybe you could even find a good therapist to help uoi through it :broken_heart:

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I’m sure it is the grief talking. Maybe talk to someone. She sounds jealous and petty. Don’t stoop to that level. And certainly don’t compare your lives. You do you :heart::heart::heart:

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I’m so sorry for your loss I couldn’t imagine. Girl, I would look into getting new friends! They don’t seem like good friends or people!!

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I’m very sorry for the loss of your child. I think your problem isn’t with the baby it’s with that whack ass couple

I’m so sorry for your loss! My heart hurts for you!
But my biggest advice for you, is to cut that couple off!! They sound very toxic! Especially the girl, she sounds like she has a big jealousy issue towards you and maybe even in general and that’s not a friend you wanna have! And her boyfriend sounds like he’s just over it. Trust me you need to cut all ties. Block them on your phone’s and all social media accounts. My husband and I have kinda been in your shoes. We’ve had our fair share of the “wrong” friends and we quickly booted them out.

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Next time tell them everyone’s relationship is different so stop comparing ur man with mine. And a late miscarriage is hard I lost mine at 16 weeks and fell into a deep depression. But those aren’t your friends. Friends don’t compare themselves to u or be jealous they love u no matter what

Your feelings are valid and uncomfortable it’s your actions that matter. I’d honestly stop being friends with people like this

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Ignore these people and block them from your life. They are toxic

im still stuck on how that dude thought out of
proposal, marriage or baby he thought BABY was the easiest way to “shut er up”
cause if silence was what he was after he just lost that for a minimum of 18 years…js lmao
2nd…sounds like a lot of these problems are coming from unhealthy boundaries in the friendship and everyone in the situation comparing their relationship and life to the other?
im sorry for your loss, it sucks all around. i dont think you dislike their baby! you dislike its parents. lol find new friends…and a grief counselor could be a lot of help <3

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Honestly your not wrong. And im here to say they are shitty friends!!

I’ve had 4 losses. I understand how you feel completely. You’re not alone & my heart goes out to you both :yellow_heart: healing is hard & takes a long time. I’m wishing the best for you!

First, Im sorry for your loss… its something that’s not easy to get past… you just kind of keep dealing always thinking about what would be… its not easy at all… im so sorry… Second, they are terrible people, just jealous haters. You need to get them out of your lives. They sound so toxic. You don’t need friends like that. Always making it about them. The girl sounds awful. She’s envious and desperate and thats not a good look for anyone. It was terrible they way they told you about the pregnancy too. What a bitch move. If that was a real friend they would waited more than. 4 days after your loss and then told you first in privacy not in a huge group text where they knew you would be shocked and hurt and uncomfortable. Awful people.