Am I a horrible mom for feeling different about my kids?

I feel horrible even writing this out but i need to know if there is something wrong with me or if other mothers feel this way too…i have 5 kids each of who i love dearly, but i have different kind of bond with my youngest who is 8 years old… now before people judge me i would never treat any of my kids different because of it but i do find myself babying him more or giving in more…and i feel horrible that i feel different about my other kids than I do him…but not like i dont love them less its just…different…am i a horrible mother?

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I a horrible mom for feeling different about my kids?

No. You’re not a horrible mother.

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I think parents always have a different type of bond with each kid and there’s usually one that you just click with more. Not saying they’re a favorite or loved more it’s just that you’re personalities are more compatible. I’m like that with my oldest but he also can piss me off more than the other two lol

Different isn’t always bad…as long as you love them all and treat them all well I don’t see the harm…I love all my kids unconditionally…but Different ages are loved differently because of the bond and how they act and as they grow that can change

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I tell my other kids that they had their turn when they were the little one. But now is the little one’s turn. I love them all the same!

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Dont be so hard on yourself. Its easy to baby the youngest because the youngest was most recently a baby :sweat_smile: as long as youre loving and treating all your kids well, they are goong to be just fine

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I loved all my children in a different way–treated them all equally and fairly but they were all different little people with different personalities that needed love in different ways.

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If you give in more and baby more then you are treating him different whether you realize that or not. Its normal…there is always a “favorite”.

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Some kids need more love and attention then other children. But kids will notice in my teenager years I needed my mom more then my brother did and he thought I was the favorite no I’m just fked up and needed my mom where he didn’t need her as much or in the same way.

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I think we all baby our youngest child more. Maybe because we are not as uptight by the time the youngest rolls around. I think it’s completely normal.

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It’s normal to baby the youngest I’d say. I love my kids all the same but my youngest definitely gets away with more since he’s the ‘baby’. I’ve definitely put my foot init though because he won’t be the ‘baby’ anymore soon :woman_facepalming:t2::joy:

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You seem to have a favorite

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Not bad at all!! Is normal for you to feel that way and too still treating him like a baby because he is and forever will be your baby. And is also normal to have different kind of relationship/ bonding with your kids ,  you are more compatible with one than others,as long as you are not showing any favoritism/ preferences you are fine

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The youngest is always this way :heartpulse:

It’s normal… Youngest is usually spoiled more

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I feel like you have different bonds with different children. None are the same. I love my 2 boys differently but they know they are loved. My daughter is almost 20 now and I love her from afar also(she lives in the city 1.5 hours away)

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The baby always gets the most attention and the most leniency.
For example; my youngest is the only girl. She bites, scratches, pulls hair etc. My boys never did any of that. Bc I squashed it really fast. But with her I give her more chances to correct it rather than an almost instant time out like I did her brother’s. I know I shouldn’t, I know it needs to be corrected, I know it’s probably why she hasn’t stopped yet. But she’s my baby, she’s 2. I feel terrible that she keeps doing it bc I know it should’ve been squashed faster. But again… she’s my baby.
You’re not a terrible mom.

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I have 3 adult children. All their lives I had different relationships with each. No less love, just different relationships. Enjoyed different things together, making sure I had separate time with each to develop our own relationship. There’s nothing wrong with having different connections with your children. The others connections with you may develop later in life. As long as you love on them, they’ll shine. Stay blessed :smiling_face_with_three_hearts::heart:

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No, not at all.It’s normal.

Probably because he is the youngest.

Every mom does it , you just connect differently with each child. One child may need you more. One child may be a little helper, one may not. Enjoy watching and teaching them as they grow.

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I’d say it’s normal… you have five kids and that one is the youngest I’d say it’s probably normal for you to be more “sensitive” towards them. Maybe I’m your kind you feel since they are the youngest they aren’t getting enough attention. It happens.

The fact that your questioning this proves you aren’t a bad mom. I’m the same way with my 10 yr old because he is my last baby.

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Each child is different. Each child needs different love. I don’t buy one more than the other. I don’t baby my youngest. I have 5 and mine is my 14 year old son and my 11 year old son. My 16 year old daughter, 7 year old daughter and 12 year son are my rebellious ones. They always tend to stay to themselves for the most part. That’s just how they like it. My 11 year likes being around us and going everywhere with us. It’s like you said, bonds are different.

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That’s last baby syndrome. :joy::joy::joy:
I think it’s normal to baby your last. It is what it is.
I’ve watched parents get less and less strict with every child they have. It happens.

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I have 4 boys and people always look at me funny when i tell them “I don’t treat all my kids the same”. I just don’t. They all respond differently to different things and I adjust accordingly. My youngest has autism responds one way and my oldest is a walking attitude (teenager) and responds another way.

As fair as treating them fairly - that’s fairly consistent. Like if I buy ice cream, they all get ice cream. And on holidays, they all get the same amount spent on them, etc. But as far as discipline or things like that, they get treated differently.

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No. Everyone has a favorite, even if they don’t admit it. Outsiders notice. It’s normal to prefer people over others and bond with them better. Same with kids. Just like people love their uncle and mom. But they feel more differently for them. I have a different bond with each of my kids.

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I think that’s just normal. The last baby is just different. There’s definitely a different type of bond that happens.

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It’s totally normal to baby your youngest. You’re not horrible

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It’s last baby syndrome. Most all moms baby their last child. I baby my 7 year old. She’s my baby girl. I assure you, you are not a bad mama. (((Hugs)))

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Everyone says that’s “bad” but if people were truly honest with themselves I think they’d come to understand that it’s partially just being human.
My kids are 5 and 9.
My relationship with each is different.
They’re different people.
Polar opposites in some ways.
They’re different ages and in different stages.
My relationship with each of them reflects that.

That’s ok. As long as they both feel loved and as long as my rules are fair. As long as they’re ok with it. The I’m not going to stress it.

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No-! But As a giggle- I only have one I and I tell her all the time she isn’t my favorite. She’s knows I’m playing. Each kid Has a different relationship. I am one of 3 and my mom and I are like to peas in a pod. She loves us all but her and I just get along differently.

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I have 5 children.
I love them all equally but differently because they are all different and unique individuals! Each one has their own love language and needs to be loved differently as well. By the same token, they all love me in a different way than their siblings do.
They are all grown now and we’ve talked about this in depth because I felt much the same way. But everyone needs to be loved in the way that feels right and true to them, your children included :blue_heart:

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All my kids are grown, my youngest out of 5, and only Son, is 20, I still baby him! I think what you’re feeling, is normal!!

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Not abnormal! Every single one of your kids is different and unique in their own way. If they have special ways that they bond with you that are different from each other, take that as you are doing great in raising them bc they 100% comfortable with you to show you how they love you in their ways. This does not mean you love one kid more than the others or will treat them different. You just know they are each their own person and will all have different personalities. :purple_heart:

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If it’s your last it makes perfect sense to me you realise time waits for no one and these special moments won’t last

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I’m gonna be brutally honest with you. Cut it out. Yes that’s the youngest so I get it to an extent but you chose to have 5 kids and they all need to feel love. I say this because some kids notice the difference and will grow up despising you for it. You’re not a bad mom but you feel that guilt for a reason. Never make your other kids feel less than when it comes to LOVE.

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Don’t be so hard on yourself. We are our own worst critics. And kids are annoying :joy:

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I have 5 as well. My last is my baby. She is 5. I have a different bond with each one and sometimes I feel closer to each one on a different day. What you are feeling is absolutely normal from what I have seen.

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I have 3 kids and have a different bond with each of them but I’m the closest with my oldest. I don’t show favoritism or treat them any different…just a different relationship with each. It’s normal

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As the youngest who was spoiled rotten for 16 years until my little sister came along, stop it. Although I loved it at the time, I grew up into early adulthood expecting a lot from people. I still do at times find myself being selfish and spoilt then regretting it later. I don’t have the same drive and compassion as my older sisters. I still go to my mum expecting things and I’m 26🫣

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I feel like it’s normal but just because you think it’s not noticable doesn’t mean it isn’t. Kids always know who the “favorite” is. Just be mindful of their feelings because I can tell you as the non favorite child that it can be very painful.

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There’s always a special bond by moms with their youngest.

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No it’s just that with your youngest u never had to stop holding them because another one came along…

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this is normal, he is your baby & most likely the last child you will have, so this is why

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I have 6 & I definitely have the youngest :woman_facepalming:t5:

My youngest is 7 going on 8 and I love on him more because he’s the youngest and he lets me. The other 2 are 15 and 18

Watch the Goldbergs, it illustrates the youngest being the favorite perfectly lol

It’s normal. Everyone especially with the youngest have a deeper bond bc I think by the time we have our last baby we tend savor our time with them bc they are the last one. An we probably pay closer attention to them as well bc they are the last one and need more than the older ones. Not only is mine my last one I can physically have but she is also handicapped so it adds a more heightened desire to be more interested in her life and being more about her than it was for my other children. But they’re all different so we have different types of love for each of our kids that best suits them an their needs

I think most Mom’s feel that way

He’s the baby, your last so yeah, expected to favor more.

No the youngest is your last baby and it is harder to let go

Don’t spoil the “baby” so much they turn into an entitled brat.

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My youngest is the whole family’s favorite! Lol… he’s the last baby.

Every child has a different personality my first born I can talk to him about anything the next one talks to me abkut space since he been 3 the next one she is too sassy so we argue alot and the 2 little ones they wild feral kids drive me up the wall then I have my baby and she will always be my baby cus she last one. They all get the same but we love the kids I think just in different ways and that’s OK

Its definitely normal. I mean, I have more of a bond with my two youngest boys because I breastfed them long term. The bond is stronger I guess?

Yep. It’s horrible to feel differently about kids and allow one more things than others. Get counseling.

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Please don’t declare it publicly or exclude your other children or else you’ll breed resentment among them. Trust me, I’ve lived it. My mother openly declared my middle sister as her favorite and called her “her most beautiful daughter” in a very public setting. She was introducing her children, all but me, to some work colleagues. She literally introduced the sibling on my right and left deliberately skipping over me. I’ve had nothing to do with her or my middle sister for 29 years. That was not her first instance of this kind of act but it sure was her last with me.

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I think many parents do this… I will say, it may be hard for your older children to watch their youngest sibling get what they need/needed.

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I have 2 sons who are grown with children of their own now. When they were younger I was closer to my oldest as he is me in male form. Then he hit his teen years and moved out. As it was just me and my youngest left at home we grew extremely close. I think all parents have a differrent relationship with each kid.

You r human… he’s your last baby… acknowledging this feeling is huge… you got this

perfectly normal mom . I have 5 children and my last one I hold a little closer she’s my baby.

I get this for sure. Bonds are stronger with different children. I find I’m stronger bond with my 2 sons than my 2 daughters but this may change. But I just like boys better cause they have a I wanna play play play and girls are like, omg I broke a nail shit lmfao

I probably babied my youngest more.

All kids are different and require different types of bonds with their parents. Some require more attention. I have 2 boys and I love them both equally but their personalities are not the same. My oldest enjoys doing stuff on his own and my youngest has always wanted one of his parents around. Don’t feel guilty about it. It is perfectly normal.

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I have 4 kids and I’m the same way with my 3rd child!:flushed:

I wonder if these are made up scenarios just to keep the page active…this sounds ridiculous and what parent would actually say this … :thinking:

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It’s your last baby it’s normal

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I think most do that, specifically with the youngest because they think/know it’s their last baby. I know i babied the hell outta my son when I had him cause I though he was going to be my last baby and only boy. Cause I lost 4 babies between him and his older sister. So I didn’t think I would/could have another.
But I ended up having another baby girl last year. And now I know I’ll probably have another in afew years. She isn’t as babied as he was, but she is. if that makes sense :joy:

He’s your last baby, that’s normal.

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Yeah, I’d say it’s pretty terrible.

Imagine growing up feeling as though your parents love or pay attention to one of your siblings more than you. That child’s siblings will grow to resent you… and said child. They will always feel less than and will be competitive in everything they do, and not in a healthy way.

You should spend more 1on1 time with each of your kids. It’s so unfair to them that you’re picking favourites.

If you can’t connect with your kids the same way, that’s different. Some kids are more open about their thoughts, they each have different hobbies, etc… But you should NOT be treating them differently. You should put away your preferential treatment for good because it is only going to harm your other kids someday.

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My bond is different with all 4 (2 ex step kids). I love them all equally but we all four have bonded differently & I’m closest to my oldest but do more for my step kids but I enjoy my cuddle time & playing with my bio youngest the most. As long as they are all happy & feel connected to you in a way that meets their needs & no one feels shorted or left out I say it’s okay to connect & have different bonds with the kids.

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Go to therapy.

I was the golden child, the baby of the family, and yes, I was treated better than my siblings. It left me totally unprepared for life as an adult. It also put a serious wedge between myself and my siblings, they didn’t resent me, but it is hard to see the youngest get the lion’s share. Go to therapy right now, and figure out a way to deal with this, before you break your relationship with all of your children.

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It means he’s your favorite and the other kids will pick up on it if they haven’t already. Then they will resent you for it.

I don’t think you’re horrible at all. For what ever reason, first born or last born seem to be favored some of the time. First born because it was the one that opened your heart to a whole new feeling of love you’ve never experienced before and the youngest because emotionally you’re feeling the loss of the innocence of the baby days so you try to keep them close longer. I think it’s natural and as they all get older and older that difference between hanging on to your last will even out. Then as accomplishes are made the oldest one with grab you again with geez I’m losing my kids that are now adults. Now…hug your middle child…kidding, hug them all :woman_shrugging:t3:

I do this with my middle child. He’s my only son and I worry about him constantly. I just feel like my girls are fine but dang that son needs extra. :face_with_diagonal_mouth:

So much hate on here

You are.a.normal momma
I have.5.in heaven and.5.on earth.I have been ask if I treat all of the earthly kids the same.absolutely not.they are individuals with individual needs.some may need.most affection than others.just keep doing what you are doing.I love everyone of them unconditionally and tell them all the time

Because he is the baby

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A lot of moms tend to hold onto the youngest a little harder. That’s the last child they’ll have. You need to be sure you aren’t babying too much or giving too many perks because he’s the youngest. Sit down sometime when the kids are in school or in bed and think back to when each of them were born. What was something special that each one did? Try to keep each one special in your eyes to keep yourself from playing favorites. Take time to bond with each one, and with them as a group. Play games with them. There are games you all can play. I used to substitute teach. I also helped run a summer child care program for the YWCA. One game I would play with the kids was story-telling stone. I had a piece of tumbled rose quartz and I would tell the kids I was going to start out telling a story. I was going to get the character into some kind of terrible fix, say a guy in the jungle surrounded by alligators… and I was going to pass the stone to someone else, and they had to take up the story and make up some miracle way for the character to get out of that mess, then get the guy into a new mess. Then they could hand off the stone to someone else, and they would need to find a way out of that mess, into another mess, hand off the stone, and so on… the only rules were that you couldn’t use the same mess twice in a row and there were no hand backs. You had to always pass the stone to someone else. We came up with some pretty good stories and it was fun. Art Linkletter played a similar game with his kids. I couldn’t really play it with my kids. I only had two… but since you have 5 it would work real well. You would learn more about how your kids’ minds work and where they are with their imaginations and creativity. It’s fun!

I think it’s normal, that’s your youngest baby

Not normal I have a 8 year old he is my last baby…I love him just the same as my older children

You might not think you treat them any differently, but you just might not realize it. Be very aware.

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The baby is always the baby!

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Never once did she state she loves that child more people, she stated he is a little more spoiled or babied. He is the youngest the last child. You are not a terrible mother in any way shape or form people turned this question completely backwards

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Definitely not horrible at all , hes your last and your baby its normal to think or feel that , speaking in experience , i have 4 brothers my youngest brother is 13 and my brother still babys him and has a bond with him

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Your not horrible he’s the youngest and probably the last, your hanging on

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