Am I being manipulative?

I just need advice nothing negative. Me and my ex have a 3 year old son together. I moved from Texas to Arizona so he could have time with him and see him. He sees him “every other weekend” so whenever he feels like seeing him he lets me know and picks him up for 2 days and brings him back. I asked him to start spending more time with him because he’s mentioned claiming our son on his taxes and all I asked was if he is going to do that to see his son more him and his girlfriend took me off of social media they said I’m asking too much I’m trying to force him to agree to this and I’m being manipulative. I’m just genuinely confused on what to do? I just ask that he better his relationship with our son and now I can’t stop feeling like I’m in the wrong and manipulative. I just don’t know what to do anymore.
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I being manipulative?

If you are the one supporting kiddo, you claim the kid. If he doesn’t want more time don’t push it but make sure you track how much time he really spends with them. Document everything and then you go to court. If you established things through the court there is less he can say or do. It is not being manipulate, he is. You put in the care and support the child so you can claim

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You claim your son …you are raising him the majority of time …the X just wants money sadly

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U have primary custody! U claim that baby ! Screw him and his GF

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You should claim him. You have him the majority of time and the majority of expenses due to that. Do not let them gaslight you into believing otherwise

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No you are not. You are taking primary care if your son and he’s not even spending half the year with his father. He would be getting a credit that us not legally his.

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Hold your ground mama. You claim your child

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You are not in the wrong at all. Do NOT allow him to claim your child!

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I definitely don’t think he has rights for his taxes only getting him every other weekend. As for you manipulating um I don’t think so he should step up and be more in his kids life. I probably would’ve never followed your ex

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The person that the kiddo lives with and spends most of his time with is the person that can claim him.

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Whoever does the most support gets to claim him

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You claim your child your supporting him don’t let him or his girlfriend benefit from it and if he does use him before you file dispute it with the IRS

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Yeah that’s now how taxes work. If he wants to claim him then he needs to support him at least 50 percent of the year

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He is just wanting the $$$$

Umm if he claims him he’s the one getting money back and you zero! Let it be, you can’t force him to see him more often and tbh why would you want that?!?!!

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If he claims your kids on HIS taxes, you can’t claim them on yours. He’s basically talking to you about committing fraud I’m not the IRS I’m a canadian tax pro I just want to tell you to protect yourself. Your taxes for 2021 should be filed with you claiming the kids. Him getting more back than you would or him giving you money to let him claim the kids could all get You in a world of trouble. Just say oh sorry I already did it. You’ll get the benefits of being a lower income single mother if you file and get nothing back. Please talk to an American tax professional I really wish I’d taken the american class now so I could give you free advice

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You need to have a set schedule thru courts for visitation and child support. It’s stability for your child and tax laws in most states state that whoever child lives with and parent, guardian is who claims the child, that’s why it ask on tax forms how many months child lives with and your answer is 12 months because that’s your child’s address otherwise your lying on federal tax forms

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Nah, you’re not being manipulative he is. He has ZERO right to claim that child he barely has him for 2 days every other weekend. Ita whoever has him the majority of the year which is YOU.

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He shouldn’t be claiming him if he don’t even see him often! He lives with you and you support him so you deserve the tax money! Who knows what he will do with that money that you could be saving for your son. I used to be in the same situation with my baby daddy but I’m the one that claims our daughter cuz he hardly does anything for her I do everything. You’ll regret it if you let him claim him and it’s kind of stupid if you allow him.

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He’s manipulative trying to take the kid on his taxes go get more child support from the rat and stop sucking up to him In fact MOVE leave town

Oh and stay off the internet

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Don’t let him claim your child!!! No reason he should ever!!

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Claim him on your taxes. You have already expressed that you would like for him to have a better relationship with his son. They just starting drama. Your son don’t need to be in that drama. It hurts the child. You’ve expressed your feelings so the rest is on him.

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Um… get it in the custody agreement

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You need to be claiming him call the IRS and put a pin on your sons social security and when you file for taxes they ask you for the pin

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You shouldn’t have moved closer thats on him… be best to take him to court for child support!!

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IMO if there’s no specifics in y’all’s arrangement, whoever that child spends more time with should claim him. It literally asks that on taxes. If y’all both try to claim him it’ll be a HUGE backlog and investigation

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if this is the whole story you are absolutely being gaslighted girl. he doesn’t get too see his kid “every other weekend” and be the one to claim him on taxes unless he’s also paying for everything through a ton of child support. I advise getting an actual custody agreement ASAP. these “verbal agreement” custody arrangements rarely work well. get everything on paper and official and it won’t be any argument about who claims him and when

Doesn’t sound manipulative at all. But don’t let him claim your son.

I wouldn’t want the deadbeat to have any time with him. He sees the precious child as a tax deduction.
Gross.
The child deserves better.

Unless there is more to the story than your telling us, no your not being manipulative, it sounds more the other way round. Deleting you off social media because you have asked the dad to spend more time with his son is down right childish.

Do not let him claim your son, you have primary custody, he sees him maybe 2 days , you have him 5 -7 24/7. Don’t let him manipulate you into feeling any type of way to want to let him do it. Do not let him have access to his ss# , you file your taxes asap. Let him and his gf make a kid to claim. Screw him and if he somehow does get access and claims him , it’s fraud. You would have to open a case and they will audit all records and receipts from both of you etc. Don’t do it girl!

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If your not claiming him on your taxes then what’s the big deal ? If you are then he can’t … Simple

Contact whoever to let them know he’s lying about his taxes for 1, and don’t force him to see your son, he clearly isn’t interested, and it’s better in the long run not to force it, as horrible as it is and as heartbreaking it’ll be for you to explain it to him each time he asks to see dad. I had it with my daughter.

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Sounds to me like they dont really give a flip except $$ id a never moved closer to him. Id say get away and file child support if you havent already.

Unless he takes care of him the most and he lives there he shouldn’t claim him.

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He has no right carring him unless he can prove 6 mo.or more Out of the year. Do you work if yes why would you even consider??

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For one his girlfriend should be involved in the matter. And you moved yours and your son’s whole life just for him to be involved. You shouldn’t have moved at all, you should have stayed in Texas and filed child support, I agree with the person that said put a pin on your son’s ss#. You need the tax money more then him. And I have a feeling that his gf is the one that brought up putting your son on his taxes.

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First - let him see that kid when he wants - second nope- he can’t claim him unless he provides 51% of his care- legally

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U have that boy 97% of the time dont let him claim him. You are not in the wrong. They are trying to guilt you into it

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Obviously its different for you but in my country its the primary parent who claims for the child hes shouldn’t be, i personally would report him or claim for the child yourself and it will be investigated

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DO NOT LET HIM CLAIM HIM!!! You are the PRIMARY CUSTODIAN!!

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You keep those tax benefits and that little boy. Dad is apparently just using him as some monetary reward that frankly he doesn’t deserve. Being a parent is a full time job, not a cash hand out

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Your son lives with you , you are supposed to claim him unless written up other wise by court… you moved for that relationship, I would move back to Texas if it was me and make other visitation schedule… What part of Texas and what part of Arizona? If a couple hours distance I would just meet half way. And be done. Other wise he gets him summer time.

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Don’t Feel Bad…You Said What U Said If He Cant Get With The Program Then Its No Taxes For Him

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Don’t let him claim taxes for him if he’s not gonna put in work why should he get the benefits when you do most of care

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By rights your his caregiver put your son on your taxes

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No you aren’t being manipulative at all, however they are being very narcissistic!!

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:thinking: I’m gonna call you on your bullshit. :thinking:
Sounds like you’re sweetening the pot trying to get yo baby daddy back.

You claim one thing but I question your motivation behind your decisions and insistences regarding baby daddy.

You need to realize that he’s moved on and you haven’t.
Hell, he moved to another state to get away from you and you stalked him under the guise of him spending time with the kid.

If he wanted to be bothered with you and that kid he’d have relocated locally making it easier to see his kid.

No one likes being rejected.
Let that man go and get yourself a life.

Stop hiding behind the kid knowing you’re trying to entice baby daddy back to you.
You ain’t slick.
They see the mess you’re pulling.
#BabyMommaImCallingYouOut

So push him away and he can’t claim him in most places unless he lives in his house six continuous months

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Your not manipulative at all the complete opposite, don’t let him make you think anything else.
It’s not a big deal not having them on fb as long as you have his number that’s the only communication you really need… but DO NOT let him claim your son on his taxes. Your child is in your care full time do not listen to anything he says, he is the manipulative one not you.

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seems to me its the girlfriend whos trying to manipulate not you. dont let him claim tax on your child that you take care of most of the time

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If your son lives with you and you are the primary care provider then DO NOT let anyone claim him but YOU. Because I can guarantee that once his dad and girlfriend get the money back, you and your son wont see a penny of that… And with the way they are acting now… Im sure they’ll block you again until that money is gone. They are just after the money.

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Amen! I agree with the above comments! And you sound like a kind, thoughtful, and loving mother, NOT manipulative at all! God Bless and Guide you!

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Taxes go to the custodial parent but no not manipulating

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Send him a screenshot from the IRS stating how it’s illegal to claim a child you did not take care of for a minimum of 6 months out of the year. :woman_shrugging:

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you moved to arizona so he could spend time time your son more. that alone is enough. if anything, that’s more than enough. claim him.

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Unless he is paying child support he does not need to claim the child on his taxes.

Do not allow him to claim the child seeing him four days a month or less and move back where you have support if you need to.

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One thing is I wouldn’t be letting him claim my child on his taxes.

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Do not let him carry your son on his taxes

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I agree with Everyone! Don’t do it girl! You are not manipulative! You are taking care of him more ! They just want the money !

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You’re not in the wrong and do not let them claim him. That money should go to you. You did the work

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That’s not manipulation. They’re gaslighting you. Don’t let him just claim the child. The caregiver who supports the child more than half the year is who claims the child.

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Does he pay child support? Do not let him claim your son.
You need a parenting plan. You already disrupted your life for what? So he could spend time when it’s convenient for your ex??
He is being manipulative.

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Stand your ground. They’re manipulating you. If he wants the money. Put in the effort.

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Don’t let him claim your son! Period! And asking he spend more time than every other weekend isn’t manipulative! Clearly he and his little girlfriend are manipulative… why even want to claim a child you only see 24 weekends a year???

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You claim your child period,

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Nobody should claim your son but you . He is being manipulative by even asking you to let him have all that money during tax time yearly . He and the girlfriend are playing nice to get that money . Do not ever let a ex bf just because he is the father manipulate you with a new girlfriend. Go make a good life for you and your son and keep it business and cordial between you but respectful as best you can in front of your son . He is also watching and hearing all .

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When I had a similar issue I offered to split the tax credit. I still filed but I would give him a portion IF he was consistent and active. I don’t think you’re situation is the same as mine, but it’s always an option.

You should definitely continue claiming tho

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Sounds like dad and gf are the ones whos doing the maipulating here.
How can he claim taxes for a child he has 4 days amonth? That tax belongs to you. For your son YOU are bringing up. Hes less than a part time dad. Hes an as and when (it suit) dad.
Im sure he or they will twist it all

Red flags.

Claim that tax in your own rights.

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No you aren’t being manipulative. You have your child the majority of the time, so you claim them on your taxes.

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Sounds more like you moved in hopes of a reconciliation. If you didn’t go to court to protect your son he can do whatever he wants. No matter where you live, the court would of set visitation and transportation, if you people want to play games with your children and use them as pawns instead of going to court and doing it the legal way, quit whining about it , just go to court, is he paying child support, if not, he can’t claim him. Who got the monthly stimulus payments. The court will decide who claims him.

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Even if he pays child support, I wouldn’t give that to him. And if you really feel like he should get money, then claim him and give the dad SOME. but don’t give him all of it. If he has a problem with that ell him to take you to court. You went above and beyond when you moved to Az, now hes just taking advantage of you.

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I am amazed at how uneducated some people are judging by these comments…y’all obviously don’t know the law…

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If he is only having him every other weekend at best, he shouldn’t use your son on his taxes. You should use your son on your taxes. I am pretty sure the IRS states that a child dependent has to be in your custody at least 6 months out of the year to be claimed. PS. Don’t let him make you feel bad for asking him to be a father… His presence or lack thereof will be important to who this little boy becomes.

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No NO No just No. Do not take the fd up path I took of delusional consideration and kindness to a narcissist sons father who took my kindness for weakness. Presently in a child support and child custody battle with him and he’s in MY sole custody and always has been. Oh yea and going on a 3rd year of the monster trying to claim my son on his taxes and he’s with me over 51% percent of the time. Don’t do it Sis. Cash app him SOME of the child tax credit If you want to be considerate and if it is convenient financially for you and that’s it. Save yourself the financial and mental heartache and regret. That’s YOUR money as a mother who needs it and I’m sure we all need it that’s why they send it to YOU from jump. Once he gets access to that ssn it’s a a wrap. I’m telling you!

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why would you allow him to claim him on his taxes if you have him the majority of the time? I also would never force my ex to spend more time with my child.

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He should not be claiming your son

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No, you are not being manipulative. He isn’t spending enough time with him in my opinion. And you should be claiming your child not him. Sounds like you take care of him the majority of the time so that money should go to you to help you support your son!

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U as a mother knows who should claim him plus don’t forget u also made the jump n moved closer to him so he can see his son. My opinion is if he wanted to be closer he would have made that jump for his son but I must say u have a good heart n don’t ever feel guilty .

For him to claim the child then he needs to have him more than 50 percent of the time or there needs to be a written agreement- tell him he can’t claim him.

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Never allow anybody to claim your child on their taxes unless it is court ordered. He does not have joint custody so no tax incentive.

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Nope, you’re being manipulated :broken_heart:

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He sees him more for a year THEN maybe. Do not let him do this

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Hard No! Why is he claiming your son when he spends little time with him? Like what?! No he’s manipulating you…. You moved out of state to help him see your son!! You’ve been nothing but accommodating it sounds like. Tell him stop using his kid for money and tell his gf to mind her own business :roll_eyes: she’s needs to learn her place.

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In a way yes, if I’m reading it right n how your saying it to him.
It sounds like your saying, do this to get that…
IRS- is pretty cut n dry rules of who can claim n one subject…
Spending more time- is another.

Sounds like he views your son as an inconvenience and wants to live the single life. I’m so sorry, especially after you uprooted your lives to allow him to easily see the boy.

Tell him if he claims your son you will report him to the IRS for fraud, because as he only rarely parents his child you get the tax credit—that’s the rule. He’s being a greedy ba$tard and maybe his new GF is a gold digger who put him up to it. File your taxes first so you don’t have to make good on your threat.

Keep scrupulous records of the times and dates he sees his son. I can see why he’s your ex. Also have a custody and child support agreement in writing through the courts if you don’t already. He’s ready to throw you under the bus and you’re bending over backwards for him. Get what you’re due, fierce mama bear!

Move back to Texas and let him take you to court for visitation

BTW, he’s not coming back to you no matter how nice you are. You can’t force him to see his son more than he’s willing to do, so give that up. He’s using you. Get therapy to help you deal with that and learn to value yourself as the queen you are. You can find a better man who will love you as you deserve. Straighten your crown, claim what’s owed you and move forward confidently!

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File your son under your taxes and don’t contact him at all. If he wants to be childish then he can but don’t let it effect you. The only one it’s going to hurt in the long run is him.

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YOU are being manipulated!!! If I’m reading this right; you relocated from Texas to Arizona so he could have reasonable parenting time, which he DOESN’T do, 2 days here and there?.?. You did it to accommodate him. Two days sporadically doesn’t give your son the time with his dad that he needs! So that means YOU are the primary parent and have a legal right to claim your child on taxes. However, you told him that you were fine with him claiming him if he agreed to make your son a priority and spend time actually being a dad?.?. His response was to throw a tantrum and be petty and delete you off social media???
You are being walked all over! If he’s not going to actually spend time with his child why are you living in Arizona and not Texas? Why would you let him claim him financially if he’s not being a parent? Why do you feel guilty when you’ve gone above and beyond to accommodate his life rather than your own? Your answer to his request is valid, when you’re a better parent and you can claim him! Leave it at that and stand your ground. He’s throwing a fit to manipulate YOU!!! Do what you think is best!!! Good luck!

If you have more time 60/40 70/30. You spend more $$$$ just to feed him you claim him. Or the courts should of put in agreement every other year. If you have most of the time you claim the child

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First of all if you are the primary custodial parent don’t let him use him for his taxes!! Why should he get to do the bare minimum and collect a check!! I know as a single parent myself it costs a good amount of money to raise a child! So if anything I’d take that money and spend it on your son new clothes and whatever he needs! Even if he has clothes and doesn’t need right now you can always buy the next size up to have on hand like I do! Secondly wtf he’s barely taking him and putting in any real effort and his concern is claiming him on taxes!! Yikes :grimacing: definitely not overreacting or being manipulative at all! Put your foot down! Keep a visitation schedule and if he takes him awesome if not his loss! Absolutely do not allow him to claim him because it sounds as if that’s all he cares about sadly!

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Don’t let him claim your son on his taxes!

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Nope. Dad would need to be supporting your son at least 50 % of the time to claim him on his taxes. Every other weekend is not looking after his son so he has no claim.

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I would not let him claim him for what ni

Do you know what he told his gf? Probably not. So ignore her. And since you have your child more, claim him. Until he provides 51% of your childs expenses you claim the child.

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