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QUESTION:
"Am I a momzilla? I (26) and my daughter (2months) live with my mom. She offered to watch her while I was at work and that had been the plan since I was pregnant. Neither of us wanted her in daycare, and it seemed like a good option because it gave her time to bond with her granddaughter. But I am starting to regret this decision. My mom doesn’t follow her schedule and seems to disregard everything I say and then lies about it. I have tried to say something, but my mom doesn’t take criticism very well anyway and automatically assumes that I’m calling her a bad mother (which is ridiculous because she’s not even the mother) because “she did raise two kids ya know,” but I don’t want my daughter raised how I was, and a lot of things have changed since she was a mom to a baby. And acts like I’m just being too picky or overbearing. It’s simple things like making sure she’s eating enough and often enough (my daughter was born very small) or making sure she’s getting enough tummy time and not just being set in her swing or boppy. Or like today was bath night, and she didn’t get a bath. The other day I got home from work, and my daughter had completely soaked through her diaper, and her sleeper was covered in pee. (It was an accident and miscommunication because she had her girlfriend take over because she had to work early in the am and her diaper needed to be changed around when they traded off, and it was bedtime) but it was still very, very upsetting. Am I being a momzilla about it and expecting too much from someone who is watching my child for free? I’m seriously considering putting her in daycare because of how much stress it’s putting on not just me but mine and my mom’s relationship."
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"No you’re not. If she agreed to watch her, she needs to follow your rules. But what can you do if she doesn’t change? Might need to find outside help. Good luck"
"And you think day care is any better? When one person has multiple kids to look after."
"Put your child in care outside of the home."
"No, she should follow your expectations. Finding your baby soaked in urine, no matter who is watching her, is totally unacceptable! Both should be responsible enough to check a diaper!"
"Whether it’s free or not you should be respected as the mother. Just because she raised 2 kids doesn’t mean her way was the best way. I would give her one more chance and if she can’t respect you than go with daycare."
"It’s your kid not hers. She probably expected everyone to do the same when she was raising you. She needs to do the same. And urine soaked for probably hours is not ok. That should be the last straw. You need to find someone else or hire a nanny that will contractually agree to your instructions"
"No. You have every right to be upset. The bath thing? Why is your mom bathing her instead of you? I could see if her diaper exploded or something but just because it was bath night? Daycare won’t do that. Daycare also won’t treat your baby as a grandchild. I know a lot of daycare won’t take a baby that young though so if you go that route check into it."
"I think you’re expecting too much of your mum and putting too much pressure on her to be your ideal perfect parent you see yourself as (that’s how she will see it) she will take it the wrong way because you have do expect a lot from her and a routine every day while you’re at work plus everything else like she isn’t the mum she is the grandma I think use need to sit down and compromise with each other, sit down and figure out a couple things you actually feel like would help you and figure out things you can do when you get home from work to ease the pressure off your mum as well. If you send her to child care the routine won’t be perfect there either, I think use need to communicate and let her speak her emotions as well so she doesn’t feel so attacked maybe? She also has the pressure from you and the baby and working…"
"At the end of the day, you are the mum. What you want goes, no matter who is caring for your baby. If you would be less stressed with her in daycare, go with that option. Follow your gut mumma"
"Nope. I’d feel the same way. You are the only advocate, regardless of who you have to go against."
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