Long post…I don’t know if I’m being overdramatic or just being protective… my mother in law to me has been very toxic. From me being pregnant with my first son to being pregnant again for the second time… the first pregnancy, she went about calling my son a bastard out of spite when arguing with my husband…I forgave her & let it go, but she’s constantly bad mouthing me in every situation. I try to keep my distance to cause fewer problems. I try to be civil for my husband since it is his mother. He doesn’t ever see anything wrong when it comes to his mother… I just found out I’m pregnant & she automatically went out telling people that she hoped we’d never have a girl so no one would take her youngest daughter’s place in the family. When confronted she said she never said anything like that & my husband believed her… I want to keep my distance to keep the negativity away. Question is am I overdramatic?. I refuse to let my kid/s be around people who don’t like their mother… & not only has my MIL bad-mouthed my son, so I had my FIL.
Toxic is toxic babe!!
This isnt a MIL problem this is a husband problem. If he never has your back, always believes her, and poses no consequences to her actions, nothing will ever change. You need to put it your husband that she was and continues to be out of line and that if he cant have your back, he can go move back in with his mommy and she can be his life partner.
Nope, you are not! He’s clearly a mommas boy who believes his mother can do no wrong which is stupid & very annoying! and based on this alone i can tell she’s a very nasty person who has a lot of issues.
She’s definitely toxic and plays victim! Start recording her then she can’t lie! I would definitely keep my distance!
Thats why my girls aren’t around my dad. Toxic is toxic regardless of who they are!
Family or not, toxic is toxic. I don’t think you are being over dramatic at all.
I wouldn’t allow her round your kids at all! I’d be telling your husband to sort it out and tell him exactly what she has said and he needs to sort it or she isn’t welcome again
Toxic is toxic, and the fact that your husband doesn’t say anything says a lot about him and the kind of husband he is.
Put your foot down. If he cannot stand up to his mother in regards to you and the kids, then tell him to go back and live with his mommy. When we first got married I told my parents and he told his, this is our marriage, if you don’t like it then you don’t have to be a part of it. Trust me I never had a problem with his parents and he never has had a problem with mine.
I pulled my kids away from their dads mom because she is beyond toxic best decision I ever made
My kids dont see my mother for that reason. She’s a psycho bitch. My kids range in age from 17-28 and I have 6. None of them want anything to do with her because she is toxic. You have a choice those are your kids you can refuse her seeing them. And there isn’t a damn thing your husband can do about it. If you 2 weren’t married he wouldn’t have a say so dont give him one now.
The minute she called my child a bastard she wouldn’t have been forgiven or been near me or my child again. If Dad had a problem with that he can bounce & we can just co-parent
I had same issue. Although never bad mouthed my daughter til he passed then it was total cut off no one has talked to us since and his mom kept his ashes
I can honestly say… your not… I have a mother in law from hell. Who calls the cops on her 26 year old grandson and tells lies, she has told the cops hes selling drugs from his house… mind you my son has major health issues and cannot work… but did work before losing the use of his right leg… he does not collect assistance of any kind. Hes married to an awesome girl… my husband and I own the house that my son and his mother live in… I’d evict her in a heattbeat… she tells all the neighbors lies about my kids which they find out on there own aren’t true… my 15 year old daughter wont gave anything to do with her either and I wont force it. It’s her choice… my husband is the only one who deals with her. And he respects that… she is not allowed at my house for any reason… she was not invited to my sons wedding. Her siblings have banned her fro. Family funerals… some people are just incredibly toxic… to put it nicely… my husband respect my feelings… we do try to keep him out of the things she does to my son just to not cause him stress. He knows his mother is toxic. Good luck to you.
You need to do what’s best for you and your kids. Take a stand. And tell your husband to support you and figure out where his loyalties are.
Toxic is toxic… I dont allow people like that around my kids… A good portion of mine and my husbands family isnt in the picture anymore for that reason… Just my husband sees and agrees with me… Im sorry yours dont
I would just stay away from her. I wouldn’t talk about it with him. I wouldn’t entertain conversations about her. Just act like she doesn’t exist. The end no way in hell would I subject myself to it. If he has something to say, ignore him. He wont see it until he wants to.
Toxic Is Toxic.
Family or not.
Distance is ok in situations where disrespect is occurring.
Both your husband and MIL suck!
You don’t have to let your kids be around anyone BUT you can’t stop their father from letting them see his mom. He’s their parent too.
Jesus sounds like my mother in law only difference is I’m pregnant now with my first but I would have blocked her on everything possible! To be honest if she cant be respectful then she doesn’t need to see the kids
My advice… keep the distance she’s never going to change and she will find ways to make you be the one in the wrong sadly.
Protect your kids. Keep your distance. Children need all the love they can get. Blessings to your family.
I would of told her goodbye the second she called my child a bastard.
You don’t need that woman around your kids. She is evil
Calling your son a bastard would be enough for me . She is toxic for your marriage!!! Obviously has no respect for you or your family and dare I say it sounds like she has some sort of mental limit. I’m so sorry this is what you are dealing with. Dont put up with it ! Your husband needs to stand by you! He is choosing his crazy hateful mom, over his family! Not ok!
Cut her out iv had to do that with mil she went so far as to say my kids when I was pregnant wasn’t her son’s kids and now that they are here she claims my son because he looks native but not my daughter because she’s white and looks like me I told my husband you can still talk to her she’s your mother but I will not I’m going to block her on all my things and if she needs me she has to go throu you I don’t allow her at my house any more
She is very jealous. Dont bother to say or be around her or move away
Cut them for good no need to be around them at all if ur husband wants to be around them let him and just stay away it’s better for u and ur kids
The family you came from is important but the family you make should be your 1 priority and treated as such. I wouldn’t let no one that doesn’t pay my Bill’s or take care of my kids ever talk like that about them and still allow them to be apart of our lives. Get out them scissors
If your life partner is okay with his family bad mouthing you AND your children, is he really your life partner?
If your husband does not back you, make preparation to take care of yourself.
She sounds like a narcissist. Jealous of you… she isn’t capable of being happy that her son has a good woman who loves him and a good mother for his children. She is jealous your husband needs to back you in this. I wouldn’t have my children around someone that is badmouthing me.
Absolutely not! I am the one in charge of who my children are exposed to. I will never expose my children to toxic family. Just because you are my blood or I married into it does not mean I have to like you, does not mean I have to see you, does not mean my children have to have a relationship with you. If you cannot respect me, my partner and my children you are not part of my circle!
Oh and if my husband dididnt stand up for me and put her in her place, I’d tell him to grow a pair, cut the cord and decided if hes going to be better husband or if he wants to move back with his mama, tough love Beotch!!!
I know how you feel. No you are not being over dramatic
Nope. You’re not being dramatic! I’ve been with my husband for almost 10 years now and his mom has been the same exact way. We’ve gotten into it many times because of the disrespect from her to me and my children. I won’t tolerate it at all! Stay away if you can, otherwise put your foot down once and for all!
Is this hear say or has she said it to you?
ur husband needs to stand behind you, even if it’s his mother he married you and if you want a better relationship he needs to support you.
No you are not wrong as spouses you both need to stick up for one another when the others parents are out of line. It’s hard but there needs to be respect. I’ve done it for mine and he’s done it for me bottom line it’s no one else’s life to have input on except you and your husband. But I’d be upset if the father of my kids didn’t stand up for our children not so much me because as a woman you can defend yourself but children are innocent in situations like this. Tell hubs he needs to man up and talk to his mama because the way she treats y’all her own grandkids is disgraceful.
No you are not being overly dramatic
Keep your place momma
Not mil shouldn’t be bad mouthing the mother of her grandkids or most importantly your kids if my mil bad mouthed my kids or call my kid a bastard she would not see him again
That’s just what I would do
You see her doing wrong keep your distance
Not overdramatic at all, I’m somewhat going through the same situation. Only difference is she never talks bad about the kids, only me, our relationship & my parenting. I know for a fact my MIL doesn’t approve of my fiance & I being together. Not only can I feel negative energy & vibes from her but I’ve caught her slyly making comments to my FIL. My fiance & I have been together for nearly 2 1/2 years, got our own place last February, got engaged last April, & have 2 kids ( I have a boy from a previous relationship & we have a daughter together). We planned to get married at the courthouse prior to our daughter’s birth last December. while making plans to set up a day in the beginning of fall when we had the money for it he told his parents & was told in return “not to rush into getting married so soon” they blatantly told him that it was because they didn’t believe we’d work out all because of a disagreement between us that escalated while we were visiting them last summer. We planned to do it still anyways but ended up running into money issues. I’ve tried my best to limit contact, which has helped, but sometimes its just inevitable that we have to go. & I know its effecting the kids because they feel the bad energy & slowly they’re starting to get treated differently, mostly our oldest because he’s not my fiance’s but even our daughter is starting to get the cold shoulder which I believe is because he had her with me & not someone she approved of. Its hard to talk to my fiance about because he doesn’t see it & has always been a mamas boy since his mom is a SAHM so he thinks she couldn’t possibly be that way. I’ve made comments before to try starting the conversation but its always “they love you & the kids, its just your anxiety” but he doesn’t understand that the energy I feel doesnt match the words being said.
I’m sure you are a very sweet person and just want peace. I am the same way.
I can understand where your husband would like to view his mom as Mother Theresa but you and God both know that’s a lie.
To be frank, you need to take your power back. You already know being kind to her makes her view you as a passive, weak, pathetic woman who she can bully anytime she wants because you don’t do or say sh-t about it.
Have a sit down talk with her at the dinner table or somewhere. (Record a voice memo. Do not let her know that you are recording the convo. Leave the phone near the two of you.)
Start off - “You know, I have been trying the best I can to ignore your stupid remarks and insults out of respect for my husband… but will no longer tolerate the disrespect you have only shown me for the years that I’ve been married to your son.
Now I forgave you the first time you called my son a bastard because you got into an altercation with my husband. I excused whatever little melt down you had and assumed you would be clever enough to pick up on it but I think I’ve given you too much credit.
Here I am, pregnant again. This child has yet to be born and you are already being pessimistic of the gender. I want you to listen to up and listen very closely, if I dare hear you talk badly about my children ever again, there will be serious consequences.
You will no longer disrespect me, my husband or my children ever again.
Until we receive a proper apology, my children and I will not associate with you until further notice. It’s your move. Try not to f-ck this up. Bye “name of mother in law”.
Don’t second guess yourself. Relay this message to her. It’s not like she’s going to hate you any less. You’ve nothing to lose. Only respect to gain
Go to marriage counseling. Hopefully it will segue into therapy for him to see how he has been cowed by his mom & will learn to stand up to her, think for himself and cut her off if needed. In the meantime, make plans to be able to leave him. I hope you never have to use them, but it’s good to prepare for a Plan B.
It says in the Bible wife comes first. If your husband is constantly on his mothers side and doesn’t defend nor agree with you is he really your husband? You and your kid/s don’t need that negativity especially being pregnant stress is not good for either of you. Either tell him to stand up and confront her or the kids and yourself won’t be seeing her.
I would have a discussion with ur husband. The fact they have been talking shit about ur children and u is not ok. Honestly if ur husband wants to be around them fine but don’t include u and the children. My mom had to do this and honestly it was a good move. taught the family there shit wouldn’t be put up with and consequences would happen.
Until you take a firm stand it won’t change. I took a firm stand, told my mil she didn’t have to like me but she WOULD respect me or be made to stay away! I told my husband if he couldn’t stand behind that then he could leave. He knew I was serious and realized that the kids and I were worth the fight. Problem solved!
Get rid of the old hag, my partners mother and sister were like this, I told them to drop dead over 6 years ago, they will never know our kids and that’s just how I like it!
Get rid of the jealous bitch it husband should be having ur back
Not over dramatic!
I’d keep my space
Your husband needs to stand by you, he’s wife. Even if it’s he’s Mum or Dad. A husband is supposed to support and stand by he’s wife. Put your foot down.
Hubby is a mama’s boy in the worst way. Don’t deal with her directly or at all. Hell I don’t lol
Ditch the bitch… No one needs toxic in their life.
I don’t think the kid should be involved they should be able to see their grandmother just because she does not care for you it has nothing to do with them I find people like that very selfish your husband should stand up and make her
My MIL does the same shit to me and as for me she can kick rocks she dont bother with my daughters she dont call nothing shell be 5 min down the road and will not stop in and I speak my mind because I will not be disrespected by anyone if u can /want to talk nasty then expect the same in return dont think I’m going to sit down and let it go no. My kids are better off without her and no I dont hold them from her it’s her choice…
So dont take no shit!!!
And my MIL is a racist bitch I’m waiting for the cunt to die
Nope I removed myself and kids from my husbands toxic family. He agrees with me though. She has yet to meet our 5 month old (didn’t even know I was pregnant until 7months) and wasn’t even at our wedding
Just stay away. Distance yourself as much as possible. Not worth the stress
I think it’s very important to protect your peace!
You’re not overdramatic. Start distancing now, it’ll only get harder if you wait. You don’t want your kids around someone who is constantly disrespecting you. Protect yourself and your babies from that bullshit.
Toxic mother in law…that is common specially here.in the.philipines
My son and any future kids aren’t allowed certain people in my fiance’s family. So whenevers there’s a get together I ask beforehand who will be there and if any of these people show up my son and I leave. Toxic is toxic.
I havent associated with my in law family in 2 years. Made my life easier and better:v:t3:
Tell ur husband since he still wants to suck her titties she can keep him warm at night too. Stand ur ground, and stay away. Keep those baby’s happy and healthy.
Anyone can say whatever they want about me but the second they bring my innocent child in to the mix is crossing the line. That’s completely unacceptable.
You’re not overreacting at all. In fact I think your husband isn’t reacting enough. Mother or not- toxic is toxic and he shouldn’t let anyone say anything about his wife but especially not about his children.
You, in every sense, are not being overdramatic. You are a Mom protecting your kids and yourself. You are doing the right thing in distancing yourself from the MIL. It’s just awful your husband is allowing this to happen and not standing up for the woman he married and the children he has with you.
Girl ignore her dumbass. Miserable people will be miserable people trying to ruin other peoples lives. Plus thats her son so shes going to be jealous and extra.
I think it’s healthy to set boundaries when you need to. You need to speak with your husband about standing up for you and your children though. That is the biggest problem you have in my opinion
You’re not overreacting. If that’s how she feels about her grandchildren then she can just stay away. Stand your ground and be stern with her and your husband. Family or not you and your babies have no need for any kind of negativity like that. And your husband needs to get it together. No man should allow ANYBODY to say anything like that about his family. Idc if its his momma. Unacceptable
Nope not over reacting at all .
My mil and I got into it when my husband and I first got married, we (husband & I) cut her off completely until she realized she needed to respect me (not like me but respect) then we slowly worked back into a relationship. Your husband is your partner and your partner has your back no matter what (even against his own family if you’re in the right). Your mil can not like you but bad mouthing you or your son isn’t right and your husband needs to realize that… he wouldn’t let anyone else say something like that against you (I hope) and if he does you deserve better.
For starters you never keep kids away from their family because u an them don’t get along .
It’s not all about you ,if u died tomorrow who will be there for your child .
Second stop listioning to petty crap if you don’t hear it with your own ears from the person it’s bullshit ok .
People can be anoying to you but everything to your child an that’s the only thing that matters
I lived with this until I divorced him and both his parents passed. I spent as little time alone with them as possible. However, I let them see the kids . They didn’t put me down to the kids because they wanted a relationship with them. My kids only saw the good in them, and gave very fond memories. Put it to them straight. What they think of you is on them, but it should not be shared with the kids. Sharing with the kids means less time with them.
If she is your mother in law how do plan to staying away from her forever. There are holidays birthdays the list goes on.
Get away and stay away if husband won’t stand up for you to her walk away
You are not overdramatic at all!!.
Men/Boys are mummies boys and always will be…there is nothing worse than a man who will never stand up for you if need be.
It might not be easy for him, because he feels like he has to choose sides but in the end that all walked out the door when he decided to be with you and have babies with you…
Yeah, just stay away. Her loss. He can go alone to events on her side. You can just enjoy your own family.
You. Are right to stay away. Until she can show respect or at least be respectful in your presence. Then stay away and keep children away too it is harmful to them otherwise
As if she called her own grandson a bastard! That is absolutely vile and disgusting!! She doesn’t deserve to be a grandmother! Stay away it doesn’t matter if she’s your husbands mum if she’s toxic she’s toxic xxx
Hope that was helpful xxxx
That’s literally their grandchild? You have a right to be mad, and if your husband doesn’t see a problem with it. He’s apart of the problem. I would’ve told them from the start that they have to respect you if they want respect themselves, but i wouldn’t support that and I’d definitely keep my kids away from them if that was the case.
You not only have a mother in law problem, but a husband problem. Anyone who would say things like that about my child would be cut off and never know my children. When your husband married you he chose you above all others. That means mommy too. If he isn’t willing to stand up for his children you need to seriously consider your relationship. This is a hill to die on.
I had a toxic mother-in-law after I divorced her son she went on a crusade to destroy me and or my name. I just kept pushing forward with the support of my ex I have not been in contact with her in about 4 years the few times I’ve seen her I was civil thats it. Moral to the story toxic people usually show there colors early I was dumb to this earlier. Get out now
Do you live with her? Move FAR away and drama will end.
Screw that … I had the same kinda mil… run now
My children never got to know their grandpa. My so called dad is a bad person too. He always talks bad of me. My brothers are everything but he does not like me. He told me my mom was a whore and I was not his. I tried once to be civil and went to his house for dinner. He told me to take my kids inside because women belong in the kitchen. He only wanted to talk to my husband. I stood up, packed up and we left and never went back. He lives 20 minutes from me and I do not speak nor associate with him. Best decision I ever made. So staying away from her is best so the children are not exposed to such hate. Your mil should be ashamed of herself. My husband stood up for me. Yours should too. Sorry you have to deal with crap like this. Life is to short to be treated with disrespectful in-laws.
Toxic is toxic. Family or not.
As someone who has been married 25 years and never really got along with my MIL like we should, I can tell you I still have not figured it out. Some days, weeks, months are good and others are not. We don’t communicate much but we are civil to each other and spend bdays and holidays together. Do your best to always respect and teach your kids to do it also. As your husband’s mother, she isn’t going anywhere and neither is your husband if you love him. She should however be made aware that you aren’t going anywhere either. I know 1st hand what you’re feeling. Best of luck with the new baby.
I wouldn’t go near her. If your husband wants to bring the kids around her, that really is his right… but that doesn’t mean you have to go. If she says anything to you in unavoidable situations (children’s birthday parties or holidays) hold you stance and don’t leave your husband’s side so he can hear everything she says too. Also, you don’t have to accept her the way he has. He’s had a lifetime to understand her or overlook her ways, but you don’t have to be as tolerant. Just remain respectful for your marriages sake.
I have one of these for almost 30 years. She has been so cruel beyond measure. I was always from the wrong side of the tracks as she stated. ( I was raised in foster care after my moms death ) I never disrespected her out of respect for my husband though she would have deserved it. Your children will see her for the woman she is. Her children and grandchildren have now seen it as well. She’s now in a nursing home and out of all of them I’m the one feeling sorry for her because none of her children can handle her.
You are not being overdramatic your MIL is being a b**** …you don’t need toxic people in your kids lives this world has enough issues already!!
I learned this the hard way. She may be your mother in law but you DO NOT have to have a relationship with her. Neither do yiur children. Dad can do whatever he wants.
Sounds like my MIL to some degree. It took two counselors telling my husband that it was toxic behavior for him to see it. If your husband does not believe you, then there are some issues there. Even the biggest mamas boy needs to respect and listen to their wife.
Youre not being over dramatic. Stay as far away as you can. Nobody needs that kinda shit i their lives. Hubby needs a kick up the arse but i know its probably not a possibility. Do what you need to do to stay mentally happy and healthy. Happy mommy, happy kids. Thats all that matters
Sounds like you have a husband problem. He clearly doesn’t respect you.
I wouldn’t go near her she sounds like a right bitch. Family can be more toxic than strangers
Stand up for yourself and tell her she can either accept you and the kids or get out of their life. I cut my mother in law out because she made me feel like my kids were in danger of growing up in a hostile state if I let him continue to know her.
i thought such problems only occur in south asian (indian / pakistani) households …
but surprised to see that negativity is every where.
No. You aren’t being over dramatic. She’s garbage. She hates her life so she’s taking it out on you. It is strange that your husband thinks it’s fine though. I’d be worried about that.
Nope not at all they will regret it when u only show up with ur husband and that’s the only chance they will get to see their grandkids . Keeping your distance will keep things calm in ur home and family. What matters right now is you’re health and ur babies. So try and not think about it. Stay calm and positive for the sake off ur babies as well.
Defently get away from negativity and toxic people. It’s so sad that people are like that…people are not family because they have the same blood you find kinder people are not related to you . For your peace of mind and your children . Don’t let them be around stuff like that. Because they are going to grow up thinking is ok to be like that:pray:prayers for you and your family