I split from my husband almost 2 years ago now. He had 3 kids from a previous marriage that their mother wasn’t involved with at all. His youngest didn’t remember her at all, actually. The youngest is now 13 and hasn’t come over to my house to visit in a year. She has repeatedly said she’d “rather stay home” than come over each time I ask For the entire year! I only see her in passing when picking up my son from their dad. A few days ago, she sent me a link to an expensive gift she wants for Christmas, and I’m torn. I can’t really afford it, but I’m also frustrated, and feeling used that she only really talks to me now that Christmas is coming. Am I too sensitive? I know she’s a child, but I just feel so used.
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I don’t think you are if she only going to talk to you because of the holiday season you shouldn’t get her a expensive gift
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I wouldn’t do it I’m saying BC my boyfriend daughter only talks to him if she wants something and I said no I put my foot down it took about a year but she now talks to him daily
Nope… and I wouldn’t get the gift she wanted. Maybe a personalized keepsake… it will show her you love her and are thinking about her…and teach her that she can’t use people to get expensive gifts…at least not from you.
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usually kids that age don’t really see it like that. But then again I don’t know her. I wouldn’t get her the expensive gift.
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She isn’t a child she is a manipulative teenager. Don’t fall for it! Take care of you and your baby.
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She’s not a child and you’re not obligated to get it for her because she thinks you will
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Don’t do it. She’s using you & playing your emotions.
i agree with Chance Heath she’s being a manipulative teenager and very aware of what she is doing. i would just take care of you and your baby. the most littlest gift should matter if you did get her one.
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No chance am i getting the gift.
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Kids don’t need expensive gifts just remember that. now if you bought the other kids gifts of that cost then sure fair is fair
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Nope don’t do it 
manipulation isn’t good
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I would ignore the help out of her.
Maybe you should talk to her, like an adult on the situation. I’m sure it’ll help
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I don’t know… you’re the only mother figure those 3 kids have right? And you raised her, you must love her, maybe this is a good first step in mending whatever distance was put in that relationship. She’s only 13, still immature and sensitive. Do what you feel is right but I’d be doing what I could to stay in her life and love her from afar until she’s ready to be close again.
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Nope, I wouldn’t buy her an expensive gift. I’d probably just get her a chocolate stocking for if she comes over.
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Tell her the truth that you can’t afford it.
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Shes not a child, shes a teenager. I think you should get her something small, and message her back saying you got her something for Christmas but that the gift she requested is a bit much, and express to her that it hurts your feelings that the only time she talks to you is to request an expensive gift.
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Don’t give in. She’s using you
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I wouldn’t buy that gift she wants
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As a step mom myself I Would Not under any circumstances buy it!!!
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Do not get the gift. She is a teenager and she probably knows what she is doing and 100% using her
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Ask her to come over and you can talk about Christmas plans, presents etc. See if she turns up?
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She is using you. Nope don’t buy it.
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Maybe you could tell her that while you can’t afford said gift at the moment, you’d love to take her out & spend time together for the holidays! It could be a special breakfast at your house, getting your nails done, etc. If you wanted to, the one on one time might allow you time to discuss your longing to spend more time together in the future.
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You are being manipulated. Do not try to buy her love. Her values are skewed.
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Oh hell no… minpulative teen mode activated… she’s not stupid. Don’t give in no matter how much u love her. Dont let her use you. Or dont let her think you can buy her love.
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I wouldn’t buy her the gift. Especially after she ignored you for a year.
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She wouldn’t be getting it from me, that’s for sure. You can’t treat someone like nothing and expect an expensive gift from them. I’d tell her she can send it to her dad and he may buy it for her
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Treat her the way she treats you. No gift for the disrespectful little minx.
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Personally…I would ignore the link like she ignores you. No response in a year…idk maybe she is asking for help…its hard to say. I would give myself before giving a present.
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No she knows what she’s doing !
Sorry but there is life after Christmas with bills to pay on a regular basis! If you wish to purchase a gift do so but keep it within your budget. You can mot nor should you be pressured to buy/negotiate her affection. Child or not shame on her for being so selfish and materialistic!
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Her being a child it’s pretty normal she’d try to do that.
Don’t be too angry with her about it, but DO NOT buy it. Give her something you can afford, or maybe a gift card. Invite her/the kids to come visit on a picked day to do a gift exchange for xmas. Try to show her you’d rather have her time. It sounds a lot like theirs too much confusion with her real mom then you were mom now your gone… Maybe she feels like everyone’s not constant so she doesn’t care.
She’s got to learn her behavior is not nice, she’s acting bratty, but pick the battles through this one bc at her ahe theirs still so much she just doesn’t understand.
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I would pick your favorite picture of you two and get an engraved frame with a loving saying and a hand written note that you couldn’t afford the gift she wanted but you wanted to give her something to show how much you still love and care about her. Also add that you miss all the time you used to spend together and wish that you could start doing that again. Cafe visits, a trip to the movies, things where you spend time together.
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Sounds like a typical 13 year old. Wants certain things but doesn’t want to make an effort to keep a relationship with the person they want to spend money on them. I get it, I was 13 at one time too. I would tell her you can’t afford something like that, and maybe ask if there is anything else she would want that’s less in price? Or maybe give her a card with cash and say it’s for her to put towards whatever she wants to get.
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I’d tell her to send her dad the link and let her know it’s out of your price range for a child that doesn’t bother to visit you or have a relationship with. End of story. 13 year old children are masters of manipulation even if they aren’t coached …. and I’m betting she has been coached well.
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She is testing you. Don’t let her manipulate you.
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I wouldn’t take it personal 13 is a year where kids start wanting independence and want to stay home. However if you can’t afford something don’t buy it.
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Don’t indulge her with that gift, that wouldn’t teach her anything and won’t change the situation.
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Don’t do it! Teenagers are horrible say no ask for time and love instead
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Hah no, that child is manipulative…say no honey, you havnt made an effort to see me all year when I’ve reached out to you and now its xmas time you want gifts from me that are way out of price range for a kid…I’m not falling for it…plus shes not your kid
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I’m in the same boat. My step daughter doesn’t want to come to our house but want us to give her money for birthday and Christmas i don think so
Nope 
she’s 13 and knows better - she’s being spiteful. If anything have a sit down talk with her and if you’re amicable with the ex maybe with him too to figure out what her issues are.
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Shes manipulating you. Dont feed that hand.
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No I don’t think you are being sensitive. I do believe that you should buy her a gift but one that is affordable. Do t try and buy her love. Doesn’t work. Believe me
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Don’t buy her anything. She’s old enough to know what she’s doing. You can be angry and just don’t buy it. You can let her know exactly why she won’t be getting it and leave it at that. Life lesson
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Maybe she feels unsure of your relationship now u have split with her Dad…Was she very close to you before the split…She might be feeling weird cos her mum isnt the picture and if she was close to you it maybe hard to adapt to the change of the split…Kids can act up when things are bothering them…Her age doesnt help matters…Id say can we meet up and discuss your Christmas gift…Then id try and get her to open up…Say you want a relationship with her…Also explaining that the gift was far too expensive and perhaps there is something smaller she may like…
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Don’t buy it for her, she is 13 and totally knows what’s she doing.
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I would stop asking her to see you and definitely not buy her anything for Christmas. It’s hard, but she’s not your child.
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She is at the age that she KNOWS what she is doing. That is definitely manipulation. Don’t buy outside your means. For one, you can’t buy her love or time by buying her gifts she will just get what she wants then ignore you again. If you want to get her something and you miss her, maybe buy something you can do together.
I wouldn’t buy her anything!
She’s 13. She’s not 3. I wouldn’t buy her the gift.
She’s a teen now. She’d rather stay home in her room. Door closed. Welcome to the teens! Don’t take it personally. They are selfish and self centered. Not much You can do. I’d have a talk. Let Her know Your hurt that she’d ignore You all year and then expect expensive Christmas gifts. Let Her know your budget and suggest she find something cheaper.
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Hard no. Just keep reaching out, when she’s older she’ll come around.
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Manipulation at its finest.
Do other kids come and visit? Will you be getting them a gift?
Maybe make a comment how only people involved in your life get gifts.
I agree with Jayne Carrick she is probably not knowing her place right now and all messed up maybe talk to your ex maybe he can pitch in half
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Kids know… id get her something small. And def tell her to come around more often.
Nope buy her a token well thoughtful gift that you can afford.
If she’s sending it to you she probably already was turned down by the other adults in her life. Maybe talk to her dad and go halfsies or tell her if she can come up with some of the funds you’ll pitch in the rest. But that you’d rather spend time with her and not just buy her things.
If you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. Love isn’t something that can be bought with gifts and that has zero to do with whether or not she visits you. Be financially responsible and she’ll just have to suck it up. You don’t always get what you want for Christmas.
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I was in the same situation for 5 years with my step kids. I always gave in but things never changed and it hurt. Towards the end I stopped and gave no explanations the answer was just “no” but I did what I needed to do to not fall behind on my financial responsibilities.
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She knows what she is doing no way
I wouldn’t buy it for her.
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She is a teenager and as hard as it is… if you love her like your own, treat her that way… even in the bad times. However, with you and her dad no longer together— I guess it’s your choice of whether you want to continue to treat her like your own. Does that make sense? Not saying you should buy her the gift (unless that’s what you think you’d do for your own flesh and blood) but handle the situation as if it were you own child treating you that way… how would you handle it?
No I wouldn’t buy her an expensive gift. I would get her something small to let her know you are thinking of her. She knows exactly what she is doing and you don’t deserve it. She will learn.
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No. Dont buy it for her. She won’t appreciate the gift or you by buying it. I would give her something from the heart. Even if she doesn’t speak to you till later on, one day she will think of that gift and of you and think fondly of it.
Give her money and let her come up with the rest. If she really wants it she won’t mind making up the difference. That way you don’t overspend and you’ll see if it’s something she really wanted. I agree with comment above to be sure and tell her you would much rather spend time with her than just buy a gift. Maybe plan a girls day, mani/pedi, or a movie. Something she likes. If possible, you might suggest she could bring a friend.
There is no way I would buy that child a gift especially an expensive one if she doesn’t have time for you any year you don’t owe her nothing lady
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I know it hurts your feelings cuz you raised that child for part of her life I totally understand that, but this is different
I wouldn’t do it. Shes old enough to understand so you need to tell her how your feeling
hell my 5 yr old granddaughter usually asks me for pricey things n i tell her straight up I DONT HAVE THAT KIND OF MONEY YOU WANT THAT/THOSE TELL YOUR MOM/DAD😁THEYRE THE ONES THAT CAN AFFORD IT LOL
I don’t have the time to write a book but I feel most have forgotten this child has has obviously been put here and there and unsure of love mom dad and is probably lacking self confidence. Get her the best gift you can as a reminder that she’s important and loved. As adults we know the price of a gift doesn’t matter. But being a child in a cruel adolescent world is and can be devastating. Give her something to brag about because obviously her real mom and dad cant 
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I would buy her some relationship building books (lol). Seriously though, I think many of today’s kids are very entitled and I would definitely get her a small and sentimental gift with a card expressing how much you would love to see her more and spend quality time with her.
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No don’t buy it she’s not yours your not together and she’s using you
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I wouldn’t buy her anything, she only thinks of you when she wants something.
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Don’t buy it. Let her dad know she wants it.
Screw that.
She can’t put in the effort to talk to you or see you, but can manage to request very expensive gifts from you?
Nope. Sorry honey, it doesn’t work that way.
Time to move on.
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So her biological mom walked out and abandoned her and now her adoptive mom has “abandoned” her.
Maybe she is hurt and resentful and that’s why she doesn’t want to come see you. Have you tried talking to her and reassuring her that you are still her mom and you love her? Has she ever been to counseling to work through her emotional trauma?
If you still view her as your child then you absolutely should still get her a gift that you can afford. Just because my kiddos piss me off or hurt my feelings doesn’t mean I’m not going to give them Christmas/Birthday presents.
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No she’s a young teenager honestly she knows what she’s doing but she’s pushing it out of mind so she doesn’t feel guilt. Shes technically still a kid and kids are very selfish unfortunately.
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I would get her a gift but not that expensive one until your respected and treated rihght
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You cant afford it so don’t get it. Relationships shouldn’t be about money or gifts.
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I wouldn’t buy it, especially if its expensive. She only wants materialistic stuff from you without having a relationship with you and that’s not okay.
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It’s possible she feels left by you, and is testing what she can get away with/how much you’ll put up with. You have to realize you are dealing with a child who has, in fact, been left by her mother, and now (in her mind) by you. They test people, a lot.
Don’t buy the gift if you cannot afford it. Keep offering to spend time with her, and do get her something that you can afford.
Try not to let your feelings get too hurt.
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Tell her you already purchased her Christmas present. Tell her to forward to Dad. My daughter in law used to do this. She wasn’t a teenager though.
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Buy her the gift if you can make it work financially. She’s a kid, your kid. Maybe it will be a step in the right direction for your relationship with her.
Give her a gift You want to give and something that you know will be meaningful to her but dont buy her what you dont want to or cant afford to . I would just fwd it to her dad and say you are not planning on getting thos but he may want to know her wishes. Tell her you received her request but are unable to accommodate her but you have gotten her something you hope she will enjoy and find meaningful.
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She is only a child. I wouldn’t take it too personally. She will grow up someday and look back at this time in her life like most people do when they grow up and wish that they were more appreciative to the people that love them. I would just tell her that you can’t afford something that price and just make that the end of the situation. She may not appreciate you at this time in her life but she might change and come to need you as she gets older and more mature.
Nope,señora , don’t play that game.
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You should buy her something more heartfelt. Maybe possibly a trip somewhere fun with you, a sweet letter with a handmade gift… something to make her know you care but you want to talk to her and reconnect.
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You got to teach them young
I understand, teenagers want it give on a plate with no effort on their part. We had the same with my hubbys daughter. Explain to he that is not affordable this year. She may just fall out with you or actually understand. But if money is tight she need to understand.
She is old enough to know better then to ask u for a expensive gift when she never even sees u that’s just wrong. I would not get her the gift maybe get her something else
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Tell her you can’t afford that. Suggest you will take her shopping for something she would like and tell her you have … this amount of money to spend
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No you are not, and she can get her father that expensive gift for her ! Thats my opinion, trying to use you for christmas gift and only contacting you for it close to christmas.
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Shes a teenager, don’t give into her, buy what you want her to have…
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I think that you can’t force her to have a relationship with you. I doubt it be any different if she lives with you. The teen years are so difficult and I’m sure she wants to stay with her dad. Get her a gift even if it’s not that one. She’ll be bummed but she’ll still like the present. Loving our kids when they are the least likable is part of the job. We as moms have spared feelings when it comes our kids unfortunately.
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Dont buy her it. She is totally using you, and apparently doesn’t want a relationship. Her dad and mom can buy her that it is not your responsibility I’m In similar situation and I refuse to by my step kids hella expensive things that’s what there parents are for yes I’m a parent but I buy what I can afford and if they show they just want to be near me for materialistic items screw that. I did get them other gifts I can afford but these days the teens are just greedy and not appreciative
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Don’t! My step sister did and still does this all the time to my step dad (her own father) and my mom. She never wanted to go over but always made sure to call or come over to ask for a birthday or Christmas gift. My mom was sick of it but my step dad always gave in. Taught her nothing but she can always expect things when she wants it. She’s 20 now and decided to move in with her boyfriend at the beginning of the year with neither of them having a job or anything and now calling saying nothing but “so for Christmas I just want money” luckily my step dad has finally realized and stopped giving in
Just keep trying, as the other ladies said indicate you already bought her a gift she is testing you to see what she can quilt you into (kids and teens do that) keep showing her love and attention she has abandonment issues.
Maybe ask for something like a girl date for just the two of you