I’d get it for her but have her come to your house for Christmas like the day before or what not to spend time with you and open it.
Tell her how she is making herself look, tell her your perception of her behavior, and let her know that you wouldn’t mind hanging out with her sometimes. Teens are so selfish, good luck tho mama♥️
Definitely using you. She’s 13, she knows what she’s doing. I wouldn’t buy it, I would tell her to talk to her dad if she wanted it that bad and that you’ve already gotten her gifts. Obviously, kids are going to be kids and some care more about material things but one day they have to learn the world doesn’t work like that.
You can’t buy someone’s love and she is only using you to get what she wants. If you’re only hood enough to be contacted when she wants something it’s time to make the hardest decision and excersize tough love. No gifts for the ungrateful.
Btw… they call it tough love because it’s tough on us.
Perfect time to address this, send her a note that you don’t deserve or appreciate how you are treated, therefore, you won’t be used, period, maybe next year if she changes ??
I would just be straight up . She’s 13 . Girls are like that 
so annoying. I personally would just be like I can’t afford it but maybe you can come over and hang sometime 
maybe a girls day . Send that now straight away!!! Kids will try get away what watever they can . And if she hasn’t bothered to see u don’t bother with her . Kids with mommy issues generally do this fricken annoying but they can’t help themselves
Respect is a two way street. Time she learns that. Ignore her crass hints for expensive gifts. If she can’t give u the time of day u owe her nothing. A nominal gift will be sufficient and maybe get the point across more than words. Teaches her that actions have consequences.
I would just tell her you can’t afford to spend that kind of money right now to send the link to her dad.End of story.I wouldn’t say anything else,dont play into the game.
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She’s playing you. Shut her down.
I wouldn’t buy it…
nope, don’t encourage “manipulation”
13 yr old dont like to hang out and visit adults , she is a teenager
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She’s only asking you because I’m sure her dad said no. Don’t buy it since you can’t afford it. Your not buying her love, she’s just trying to get what she wants. Like people are saying if she won’t give you the time you owe her nothing.
When I am asked for a gift above my budget I tell my grandchildren they will have a gift card for what I can afford and that they can put that towards what they want to buy! If enough people pitch
in she will have what she wants but she will also learn the value of choices for her decisions and actions.Good luck!
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Don’t buy it. She hasn’t spent any quality time with you but now has her hand out? No. And you can’t afford it. Absolutely not
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Sounds very manipulative. I’d be using this as a life lesson and explain that you can’t just talk to people when you want something. She’s 13, she will be old enough to understand. Wish her a merry Christmas and tell her you will see her in the new year if her attitude changes 
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Absolutely not! 13 is old enough to know better. You don’t have a relationship with someone only when you want something. I would explain to her that you cannot afford it, and let her know that she can’t just not talk to someone and then expect an expensive gift.
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I’d use this as a teaching opportunity. She needs to understand that it’s not okay to just talk to someone around holidays and birthdays, but not any other time of the year and expect gifts. She hasn’t talked nor spent anytime with you. I wouldn’t buy her any gift, let alone the expensive gift, even if you could afford it I still wouldn’t.
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Don’t buy her anything. If she can’t be in your life any other time of the year, then she doesn’t need to be given shit for Christmas. That’s BS
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No way! She’s old enough to know exactly what she’s doing. If you get her the gift it’s like telling her it’s ok to treat people like trash. I wouldn’t do it.
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Get what you can comfortably afford, not what she wants when she can’t be bothered spending time with you.
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Don’t buy it…but remember maybe she is dealing with more…her own mom bailed and to her you split and bailed to…not saying you left her but as a pre teen and girl moods I’m sure it’s deeper then anyone can imagine… just keep trying
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No way!! I would buy a small something. Save that money for your son. Don’t go into debt trying to make someone love or spend time with you. 13 is a child, but old enough to understand and manipulate situations
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don’t buy it. id honestly tell her about her behavior at this point if she wants to communicate. a clue is free.
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She is old enough to know that although presents are nice it is the presence of loved ones that really matter.
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Even if she did communicate with you on a daily… if it’s NOT in your budget to get, don’t get it. What are you teaching her by getting it just because she wants it? Now, it should definitely not be a thought since she doesn’t want anything to do with you. I don’t care if she’s trying to “test” you. She will not disrespect you then turn around with a hand out. Teach her life!
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You’re not being sensitive, that is a very difficult situation to be in. Even if you both had the best relationship you should still ONLY BUY WHAT YOU CAN AFFORD. Just keep doing what you do, make an effort to be in her life, offer space for her to join. 13 is hard, and coming from a broken family myself, I remember struggling the most/ isolating when I was in middle and high school.
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Sounds like a teenager. So many people calling her manipulative… she’s 13. Besides all the crap she’s had to deal with already in her life, a lot of teens don’t go out of their way to spend time with family unless they have to. Obviously not all teens, before some Karen starts about their perfect, family loving teen. This child may also be worried that since you’re not her real mother and you and her father divorced that maybe it’s only a matter of time before you decide to bail too since her own mother did and putting distance between you now will make it hurt less. If you can’t afford the gift tell her and see if you can find the next best thing, but don’t punish her for what could very well be trauma caused behavior. That’s no way to help the relationship.
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Sounds like my teenager. Who’s mine. Who lives with me. Who sits up in her room and only talks to me when she wants something. Sounds like all of my friend’s teenagers too! Here’s my advice…Buy her a Christmas gift, but one you can afford, not the one she sent to you to buy her. Maybe something sentimental that let’s her know you still care for her. Teenagers are rough, but they eventually come out of it and remember who fought for relationship with them when they were plain awful!!! 
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No, I would let her know after the way she’s treated you even when you’ve wanted to welcone her was not right. She’s 13 and obviously needs lessons in respect, she may be still considered a child but she is at the age of learning what it means to become an adult, respect, love and honor is what she needs to learn now, yes there is always forgiveness but maybe a thoughtful gift per say, not what she is demanding.
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Personally, I would get it, wrap it, and put it under my tree, unless it really is something I can’t afford at which point I would select a gift I could, and tell her she has a gift here waiting for her and she is always welcome. Perhaps Christmas may be the opportunity to foster the connection that has been absent the rest of the year. 13 is such a difficult age. 
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No!!! Don’t do it! Let her realize that there are consequences for actions and the way that we treat people.
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Think about the 13 year old feelings. She probably feel torn away from the person she knows… As per the gift. Explain times hard/financially and cause of the situation but can help out with a little. At 13 she should be able to understand. She probably feels divorced also???
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Just because she Wants doesn’t mean you have to Give. I would consider her age and give her a gift card that way she can pool her money together. I’m Done feeling Obligated, if I want to I will
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She may be a child but shes Also a manipulator. She knows whatsvshe doing. I wouldn’t fall for it. I would get her something she needs
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She is old enough to know what she is doing. If she hasn’t spoken or visited you in all that time and now she’s asking you for an expensive gift??? Don’t do it. If you get her a gift at all get her what you can afford.
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Nope. If you get her anything, ask her for suggestions on something or an experience you can have together. If she declines, you have your answer.
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I say hell no…do not get the expense present for her. She IS using you. Get her something you can afford! If you go in debt getting her the expensive present she will continue to try and manipulate you Every time!!!
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13 is old enough to know how to manipulate. I wouldn’t get it especially if it’s out of your budget.
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She’s a teenager obviously going through alot of emotions and maybe even anger i would get her a reasonably equal to the other kids gift treat her normally cause when she grows out of this age and comes back in your life you don’t want to be seen as petty
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I would reply and say thats looks nice and say maybe we can meet up for some breakfast or lunch to talk about this some more. See what happens from there it may be a good way to begin the process of discussing what’s going on.
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No your not being too sensitive. Shes trying to use that sensitivity to get what she wants and still being rude to you. Dont buy ut. If she cant be bothered to spend any time with you, dont go out of your way to buy something you cabt really afford for a child who obviously isnt very deserving of the gift if thats how shes treating you.
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Your a mother figure to her just reach out and try to talk with her.
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I’d get her a gift, maybe not a really expensive one if I couldn’t afford it & a card saying how much you care for her & you’ll always be there for her. 13 is still a child, be kind & maybe a stronger relationship can blossom.
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She’s old enough to know effort in equals effort out. This problem needs to be handled exactly as it is…a lesson on boundaries and communication. Does she know how you feel?
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Don’t do it, definitely sounds like manipulation and they will further manipulate down the road.
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I would get her smell good bath stuff. She is old enough to know things cost money and there is no need to spend money that you just don’t have this year.
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I would say don’t get her the expensive thing, but if you buy the others a gift then do there same for her as you would the others… but don’t go over the top for just her.
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Give her a nice gift that you can afford with a card telling her you love her and hope you will one day be friends and your door is always open.
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Nope, leave it alone. I had step kids that played me like this. Take care of you and what’s in front of you. Yeah it may sound mean, but nope, if you give in she is only just going to continue manipulating you ant others!!
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Nope get her some bath bombs or something a nice little basket to let her know you still think of her … and you don’t even have to do that… she doesn’t have time that’s her loss …
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First only buy what you can afford your kid or not your kid.
Is this the only way she has time away from the younger sibling? It could totally be the only time she can get away from the pesky little sibling. Have you invited her online day or weekend you don’t have your other child? So it’s just you and her?
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I wouldnt give her anything she only wants you for the gift it seems
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Buy her something small but meaningful. Her response will tell you everything you need to know
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You are right to be upset. Now with that being said she is a child who lost her bio mom and due to circumstances lost you the only other mother figure in her life. She may be feeling torn between hurting her dad and you or thinking you only want her around because of your son. If you can’t afford the gift explain that to her an pick out a meaningful gift to show her you still love her and are still here for her. Write her a nice letter to go along with the gift you choose and explain why you thought the gift was right for her. What makes it special to you. Teenagers deal with alot of emotions and their bodies are changing and she may not know how to talk about all she is feeling
Maybe do a “time together” coupon. Put on it that the two of you will go to get manicures and lunch just the two of you or something. Speaking as a child who doesn’t remember life pre-step mom and was then devastated when “step” mom and dad split its awkward, I know how I feel- I love her and she’s my mom- but it’s also a constant battle now of who am I gonna hurt? How does everyone else feel? I think one on one time will ease those fears for her. If it’s with your other child she may feel as if “she’s only doing this because her real child loves me”
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Considering it is a 13 year old girl, some of these answers treat it like she’s an adult. She is most likely having hard enough time just for being 13. All the body changes alone. She may have asked for that to see if you still love her enough to answer a bug request. Not saying you need to do what you can’t afford, but a gift card toward it seems right and and an invite for some girl time. Keep trying
I would not buy it. Get her something sensible and appropriate for the relationship, but not something expensive. Especially since she doesn’t really seem interested in maintaining the relationship
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I got my step child a 65 inch tv on year. She refused to come see us that year like she had been doing for months, we sent her other stuff to her and keep the tv that was her big gift and her brother took his home. She come to get her stuff the rest of the time. Sometimes tuff love is the best love.
Don’t feel pressured to get her a gift, if you don’t see the child why get them a gift? I can see how you would feel used
My theory,is if your close with a child yea get them something, if not, the gift giving should end
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Y’all are being kinda harsh on a girl who no longer has any type of mother role in her life. Poor kid probably feels a sense of devotion to her dad. Bio mom wasn’t around, now step mom isn’t an every day involvement either. On top of going through life as a teenage girl. Shame on you guys. Don’t buy her something you can’t afford. But continue to reach out & remind her that you still care
Could be she’s taking advantage of you, knowing that you care and want to see her, but she needs to learn respect and that she can’t manipulate people by taking advantage of the fact they care for her even though she may not (return those feelings). She probably has a lot of mixed up feelings about mother figures, thirteen can be a difficult period. It’s ok to give her a gift, just keep it simple, and definitely not more than you can afford. You certainly don’t want her to think she can get you to “buy her affection” by manipulation. It would not be doing her any favors.
Nonsense…she doesn’t want to spend time with you but wants expensive gifts…she is big enough to understand her actions,besides u can’t afford…she must appreciate what she gets, some don’t get at all…
Whether you can afford it or not she’s playing you and only trying to get what she wants. I’m glad you want to be in her life and still make an effort. You can get her a gift but perhaps not this expensive thing she’s requesting.
She is a child. If you can afford to buy the gift do so. She is a child. You split for your own personal reasons and left her. I know adults that can not process emotions so to expect a child to be mature is insane. You left and expect her to be what still emotionally involved? You ask her how? Via a call? Have you actually gone there and asked for just her to spend time? Just her? In this world of online most teens are alone in their room. You want validation but your split affected her as well. Good luck.
I feel a 13 year old brain isn’t a 25 year old brain, she will look back and hopefully will have help to work through her trauma, she must be feeling abandoned deep down or something!Treating a 13 year old like they have the emotional and mental ability to map out manipulation to the point it messes with an adults emotions, lessons and consequences is crazy to me!
I wouldn’t get it for her. Knowing my pushover ass though I’d still probably end up getting something though 
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That would be a negative, regardless of if you can afford it or not, that’s teaching her that it’s ok to manipulate and use people. She’s old enough to know what she’s doing. I have 2 teenagers and I use to have to keep reminding myself if that. But I would still get her a gift bc you love her but I something practical and what you can afford. If she hasn’t had anything to do with you all year, why would you go out of your way to get her what she wants?
Nope you feel how you feel god only knows with kids if anything do a more appropriate amount in your budget especially when the child doesnt care to spend time with you or the fact that if it where your child and you couldn’t afford it you wouldnt just give in.
no ways would i buy that expensive gift that is absolutely cheeky tell her to ask her daddy treat those that treat you with love and respect not when it suits them christmas or no christmas the answer is no
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I’m sorry but I wouldn’t be buying it for her, she needs to understand that communication in any relationship is key, whether it’s you or a close friend of hers, I’m sorry you feel like that. Please keep your head up you’re doing a really good job even considering her
Off topic. I just want to say how amazing you are to keep seeing and wanting your “ex-step kids” that to me is amazing. I come from a split family and never seen my step parent after the divorce, and I wanted too.
You’re definitely not being overly sensitive, she hasn’t bothered to visit you for over a year. I doubt that she contacts you either, until now. You aren’t in a position to buy her an expensive gift and it’s insensitive of her to even ask. I would just buy her something else or just give her some money towards it
I would insist on hanging out with her. What was your relationship like prior to your split with her dad? Were you two close? If so she may be rebelling and she might just want you to show you want to be in her life still.
I wouldnt buy her the gift though. If you cant afford it… dont. If she doesnt appreciate you. Dont.
You are not too sensitive at all, just perceptive of the obvious truth? The step child is mean, insensitive & selfish! Take care of YOU! God bless & comfort you!
Your not been over sensitive. May seem harsh but they made the choice to not have anything to do with you.
Seriously do not buy the gift.
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One question: does she go other places over the past year? My twins are 13, my daughter goes everywhere and hates wearing masks but will do it when she sees others doing it. Her twin brother is “Corona paranoid” as he calls it. His mask is on his face before getting on the school bus until after he gets off the school bus in the afternoon. He removes it to eat at school and that is it. He has not left the house willingly since Covid began in March. We have forced him out 4 times but he was miserable. He won’t even go visit his Yaya and Grandpa.
They still got him birthday and Christmas presents but he did not ask them to, and they are not high dollar items. They understand how he is about COVID-19.
As for your daughter, if you love her like a daughter, tell her how you feel. Let her know you can not afford a gift of that price even if she had been talking to you. If you want a future relationship with her be open and honest with her and let her know her actions have hurt you. Most importantly let her know you still love her, but you just don’t like her behavior right now.
Do no buy it. Get her a nice but in expensive outfit. She knows u cared to give a gift but just not what she wanted
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She’s 13 It sound like you were the only mother figure she has had in her life.Maybe she feels Like you left her.Maybe a gift card and offer to take her shopping
Nope, you were there for her and she is choosing not to appreciate that. Now she wants an expensive gift! Heck no. Get her something you can afford!
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She has been hurt twice by bio mom n her dad’s relationship. Now you and her dad’s relationship.
These teen years are hard enough to go through in a normal setting but then to add on broken family drama.
Poor girl.
I wouldn’t get her the expensive gift. She is 13… not that young. She should not be rewarded for using adults who care about her for gifts. she is old enough to know what she is doing. I like the idea of getting her a gift of doing something together like mani pedi’s or whatever you two would enjoy together. At the end of the day, one lesson will be you get what you get and say thanks.
A thought: no! We can’t change children by getting things they want! Let her know if she like to visit, or talk or pray, that’s fine, and never feel guilt for a problem that is lifetime, maybe a card and a prayer? Bible,
Nah i wldnt buy it for her. Even if she was ur biological daughter anyone tht acts like at tht age needs to be taught a lesson. I wld tell her no straight up n tell her the truth y. Either she gets mad n dont talk to u at all no more or she straightens up n acts right. If she learns from this maybe next yr gst her the nice gift she really wants.
Unfortunately I wouldn’t buy that gift. 1.it’s out of the budget and 2. She seems uninterested in spending time with you. I would definitely still do A gift for her but not the one she asked for
She may be a child but she’s old enough to manipulate and that’s what she’s trying to do. I wouldn’t buy it. ESPECIALLY if you can’t afford it
13 is plenty old enough to know right from wrong and what she is doing is wrong and manipulative. Don’t give in to her. Phone lines and visits go both ways as do common manners and decency!!!
You can’t buy love, don’t buy it. IMO she needs someone to talk things out with. Between not knowing her mom, your breakup and being a new teen I’m sure that her hormones are raging. Keep reaching out to her, try suggesting that just the two of you do something that she would enjoy.
You’re not a bad person at all if you don’t get what she wants. She needs to learn that you don’t always get what you want. Especially if she never talks to you, or spends any time with you.
Did she trust you and care about you and did you see her happy with you and when she was around could she tell you than
Nope do not be tempted, she is using you, i would have felt the same way. Your feelings are valid 
Do not go into debt trying to buy her love and affection which she clearly does not have for you.
I’d talk to her. Ask her why she feels you should buy her such an expensive gift when she doesn’t make an effort to see you. Tell her that it upsets you that she thinks you will buy it just because she wants it when she doesn’t come see you because she’d rather not.
You are not being over sensitive at all, and she is using you. Don’t do it
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13 is such a hard age for girls. She has been through a lot with not having her mom in her life and then you guys getting divorced. With that being said Christmas is so much more then presents. So I would not spend money on something I could not afford for anyone. Kids are just that kids. I would let her know that the gift she wants is amazing but right now it is out of your budget. You could offer to take her out for a special Christmas shopping and let her pick something out. It is teaching her that you still want to be in her life even though she is being difficult and shows her the value of
Time spent together is so much more valuable.
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No I wouldn’t,Unfortunately there always something in life we always want and can’t afford so I’ve to do with out or save that’s life. She needs to learn she can’t use u as a meal ticket to get what she wants and not even have the respect to keep in contact etc with u unless it’s time to get given something. Get her a token gift or something in ur budget and spend ur money on ur son
Regardless of her spending time with you or not, if it’s not in your budget, don’t buy it. The gift card is a good idea. As for her not spending time with you, it may be more that she is dealing with her feelings of loosing you and maybe feeling abandoned. Be open for when she does want to talk. At 13 she is dealing with a lot that is out of her control.
Don’t buy it. She’s got to learn that using people will get you no where. Tell her that she don’t want to see you once in a while then why should you spend money that you don’t have. Maybe if she showed she cares about you it might be worth it.
She’s using you and that is not okay. So many of my “family” do this and take advantage of my kindness because I really am too nice to ppl
Do not buy it… If she can’t spend time with you throughout the year, why put yourself in financial difficulty for her