Am I being paranoid or does my new friend want my husband?

Hey mamas, I need some advice. My husband is military, so I am constantly meeting new friends…I met this one girl; she was super cool. We have been hanging out for about six months now. She watches my kids; I watch hers, we spend days together as a family…we just clicked right off the bat. She even brings me coffee & helps me clean my house when I am depressed. But for some reason, I feel like she has a thing for my husband…I have caught them staring at each other a few times. I trust my husband, but I cannot shake this feeling. I mean, I have not caught them doing anything, and she gets along with him really well as well, always cracking jokes together. Am I paranoid? How can I for sure find out? Should I cut her off even though she has been nothing but a blessing to my family and me?

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Don’t underestimate your gut feeling- ditch her

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Continue the friendship, but hang out with her WITHOUT your husband. You don’t know her well enough yet for her to be around your spouse. Some women can smile in your face and :hocho::hocho::hocho: Trust your gut instinct, keep her away from your husband, but maintain the friendship. I.e. get your nails done together, go shopping together, walking buddies etc. It will also give you an opportunity to see just how often she asks about your husband.

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I was in a similar situation when my (now) husband and I met. We had a mutual friend who clearly had zero boundaries when it came to having friendships with men, specifically men in a relationship. I ended up discussing it with him, and he agreed, so from there I addressed it with her. When she couldn’t/wouldn’t see eye to eye with the situation we, together decided to set walls and boundaries to guard our relationship, and as a result of that (and some other circumstances), we put some space between us and her, slowly letting that relationship fade. It wasn’t an issue of trust, so much as it was a precedent we set at the beginning of our relationship, choosing to value each other first over relationships with the opposite gender that might come between us. Yes, we do have friends of the opposite gender, but we have clearly defined boundaries set in those relationships that flex as needed with that relationship. All affairs start small. They don’t just end up having a lunch, or coffee and then BAM you’re neck deep in an affair… they start with small sacrifices of judgment, with small boundaries being crossed, and morph into larger indiscretions. We chose upfront when we began dating to guard ourselves from that as best we could. I would advise discussing it with him. See if he can calmly, logically view the situation and see where you’re coming from. If he gets defensive or gaslights you, then that shows you what you need to know. If he agrees, that also shows that you’re right and perhaps that relationship should end or have altered boundaries.

I agree! Make it a point to only invite her over if your hubby is gone or for the two of you to go out without your husband.

Literally this EXACT same thing happened to me. Like exactly. New friend, clicked fast, our kids loved each other, she’d help me with chores, errands, babysitting, bring me coffee, always around when we weren’t working, all that. Always trusted my guy too, But I noticed lil things. Called them both out, they both denied being into each other, then got pushed to the point of thinking I was crazy. But my gut told me otherwise, and sure enough I eventually found texts between the 2 of them to confirmed my suspicions. It literally broke my heart, probably the worst pain I had ever felt because I loved and trusted them BOTH so much. It was so awful. I’m not saying this is the case in your situation, but if your gut is screaming something isn’t right, find out for sure.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I being paranoid or does my new friend want my husband?

Keep a serious eye on it

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When they stare, is it the kind of “I want you” stare? I mean, as crazy as it sounds, there’s different types of stares.

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Get them both drunk. If she flirts boot her.

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Follow your gut. Ask them both about it like when you catch them staring and see what they say.

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Ask your husband about it. You could be paranoid or on to something. But I’ve been around a lot of other wives & some are just like that & crack jokes with the guys etc.

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Listen to your gut it never lies

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Always trust your gut instinct

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Follow those instincts. Every time I’ve given someone the benefit of the doubt, I got burned. Trust your intuition.

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Fuck her. Follow what you feel. I distance myself from these situations. I always point out to my husband what i dislike and i tell him to put himself in my position.

Always follow your gut.

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When you catch them staring at eachother call it out and see how they react and behave after it.

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Need to start distancing! Most likely they both have interest. Gut feeling is usually right.

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Go with your gut instinct my dear…

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As a woman who served… trust your gut.

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Set boundaries with both of them and be honest about how you feel. Let them know it makes you feel uncomfortable. If they get super defensive then you know the answer

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I’ve been here. Go with your gut. I wish I had.

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Your gut doesn’t lie! Keep an eye on it and say something if/when the time is right. Don’t be too quick to jump cause that will send them into hiding if it’s happening. If you give them enough rope they’ll hang themselves. But :eyes: closely.

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Trust your gut!!! Most Females can’t be trusted lol

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Boundaries need to be set!

If something seems shady it’s shady

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Personally, I wouldn’t care. I trust my husband. Everyone feels attraction at some point. I trust that he would never act on it, so it doesn’t bother me.

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Are you guys on the same phone plan? You can look at text/call logs. At least you can on AT&T. It shows you which number’s are texting/calling and how much.

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Install secret cameras

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Give them the rope to hang themselves :woman_shrugging:t3:

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There are boundaries I honestly wouldn’t allow another women to help around my house or do my kids. But that’s beside the point. If you trust her with your kids then you trust her with your husband. Make shit clear to both of them.

Don’t have her around as much.

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Gut instinct. Trust it

trust your gut …. she does. He might be game, and even if he isn’t… she’s not your friend

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Is her name Cynthia? If so…RUN. and yes, she is a wanna be homewrecker who will make your husband feel violated.

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If I were in your shoes, I would talk to Husband and say “Hey I’m having a hard time mentally/with my depression. I know I trust you and have faith in you, but for now, I would like of we set some boundaries with new people in our lives. I’m not comfortable being left alone with a man and you left alone with a woman for prolonged periods of time”. I know MY husband would sit down and talk to me, and agree to it

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Better trust your instincts! Been there done that!

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Fuck that. Eyeing each other… get your home girl out of there. She probably wants to bang your husband because he’s in the military and probably pretty fit n what not.

Girl watch a couple of Lifetime movies. The chick that’s trying to steal your man is always nice to the wife in the beginning. IJS​:woman_shrugging:t4::joy:

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My husband and my friend are the same way. I know my husband wouldn’t ever cheat but I also know my friend would never. I love watching them laugh together. :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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I’m sure you are just paranoid. I was the same way at one time. My husband is super close with my best friends and I am so glad he is. He has things in common with them I don’t enjoy so I can send them off skydiving. We take care of each other’s kids. We hug everyone and kiss on cheeks and we say I love you. I wouldn’t worry until you need to. Maybe mention it to him but choose your words wisely. Let him know you trust him but you don’t know her well and something seems off. See how he feels.

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Trust your gut and slowly distance away. Yes it’s about trusting but also boundaries and I truly believe sometimes it’s our fault for allowing it to happen. I don’t think you should even ask. They’ll just say your crazy.

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Instead of wondering, just ask. They may just be friends. Either you trust your husband or you don’t.

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Are you living in her town? If you are get to know other people and ask them about her

I would be questioning this situation as well

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Keep your friends close and your enemy’s closer!

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Trust your gut feeling

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She’s toooo nice! Careful stop accepting her favors plz. Don’t be so available. And noooo don’t set them up it will reflect badly possibly on you.

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Trust you gut, trust your husband, trust you new friend - in that order. There’s lids of great advise above - but you felt enough to make this post, so trust yourself!

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I was a military wife for 13 yrs… keep her away from him period!!! I’d hang out with my friends the same way when he was active it’s part of the life u lean on ur friends but I always left when he got home or vise versa unless otherwise asked to stay. I wasnt cold per sa but I wasnt to interested in getting to know my friends hubs I didnt feel it was my place nor did I have friends to meet there hubs.

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Ask them… communication is key .

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Alway trust your gut girl!

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Your head will lie to you, your heart will lie to you, your family and friends will lie to you, your gut…will never lie to you…

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Don’t lose a good friend being paranoid and if you mention it to them they get uncomfortable and act weird towards each other in front of you there’s nothing wrong with being friends but you should also trust your gut instincts and keep a eye out if you see anything else that is weird mention it to her

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I would ask her are you after my husband

I was a military wife for about ten years. I saw this exact same thing happen and it was exactly what it looked like. I’m even a tomboy that was raised around guys but I won’t hang with my friends husband like that either.

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I tend to trust my gut when it comes to this type of thing. I’m usually not wrong. I think you should trust your instincts.

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Why is she spending so much time with your family? Does she have a boyfriend/husband?? Better Nip it in the Bud…

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Now I’m gonna need to know what happened. :joy: Following for episode 2.

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You can hang out with her but maybe keep her away when he is home. Family time. But yeah i have a friend that is real into my husband. We just laugh about it as it is sooooo obvious. We just conveniently have her away if he is home. I haven’t got time for that shit

Always trust your gut.

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I’m a military wife too, trust your gut and cut ties.

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Start to ONLY hang with her when your husband is at work or in training. No more in your home when he’s there. She also needs to be weened off some of YOUR OWN family having time together. If he keeps asking for her and she of him then it’s exactly what you were afraid of. Have him watch you all’s kids at your house and go to hers to cate for hers or only if he isn’t going to be home at your house. Bring your kids to her house. No one is saying don’t be her friend but YOUR HUSBAND SHOULDNT BE HER FRIEND TOO!!! Point blank period. You didn’t set enough boundaries dear.

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I wouldn’t go as far as to make accusations to hubby, just yet. My guess is it’s mostly on her part and he’s may just be trying to be friendly. But just watch, observe, document. Too many women out there act like a friend too get close to hubs because they want your life. Not saying that’s what this is, but just keep observing. Maybe distance yourself from friend for a bit and see how she responds. If she starts getting defensive or inviting herself over after you’ve told her your busy or whatever, you’ll know.

Im petty and would say something like “Do y’all need some privacy?” or something while they’re staring at each other but stare directly at her while saying it. Watch reactions. 🤷

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She could be being extra nice to fool you. Bitches do that lol

Is something going on with your husband and you to make you feel it’s not secure? (Not meaning it in a rude way) but maybe it’s been off and you’re having insecutities… ? A friend is always nice to have and should be able to be close to your family but you need to trust your husband wouldn’t do anything as well as trust your friend. Do you know enough about the girl to know she wouldn’t interfere with your marriage ? I would have a convo with her first before my husband and ask her if she is finding interest in anyone… keep it pretty causal and if she is seeing anybody just try to see if she’s seeing anyone and as for husband maybe touch base on the love he has for you… its never a problem to tell each other how much you live each other just don’t jump to any conclusions right now

You could put them on “to catch a cheater” on the Bert Show if you want to test them :woman_shrugging:

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If u have that gut feeling, then you should tell her to not come around for a bit. Then if it’s her that makes the difference in your feelings then u will kno to have her around or not

Everyone says trust your instincts but if you have mental illness/insecurities your instincts could just be your bad thoughts. Talk to your husband. Talk to your friend. Look for how they respond to your questions. If this friend really is a good friend you’ll regret losing them cause of your abrasive thoughts.

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If u and her hit it off so good why would u not expect them to like each other ? U said u get depressed , why ? Dont forget who and what u are . Jealousy is an ugly thing .

Trust your gut thats your intuition speaking to you.

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As a women you know yourself the way a man will look at you when he is interested in you, also the way you yourself would give him the same look. If you’ve caught them giving each other this look I say it’s not just your friend you need to worry about. If your hubby is brave enough to give this look in your household I’m sure he’s giving it to women outside of your house.

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Stop bringing another woman into your house like that. If you caught them starring at eachother they are becoming too familiarized.

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Trust your gut. I had the same exact feeling. Same situation except I met this girl thru my daughter at her daughters birthday party. We clicked became besties. Did everything together.suddenly I started feeling like she was digging my husband. She contacted him one day about a month after she got married and started saying a bunch of stuff. Basically she wanted my husband and hers was making her feel lonely. I had told him I felt odd like something didn’t feel right and then that happened. She tried to deny everything and made it like it was him. I seen all the messages and still she lied. She deleted it so her husband wouldn’t see and he of course denied that his wife came on to my husband. But Idc I threatened to go in her house and beat the brakes off of her. That was the last day of my friendship. Just pay attention. And if u really feel in your gut that she is trying to go after your man. Cut her the hell off bc your gut does NOT LIE

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I wouldn’t freak out just yet but I also would not let your guard down. As a fellow military wife I know the amount of infidelity and swingers in the military community is insane. But two people can also click and not be romantic. I have guys that are like my twins but no feelings.

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Ask that girl dose she gave a boyfriend, if not, why not. She may be interested in you.

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Gut never lies. She’s not your friend.

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Trust your instincts…but don’t overreact.

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My husband is a man in uniform as well and he is one fine piece of a** and many women do want it some who were “friends” of mine as well but I didn’t have to cut any ties. When approached or spoken to in a certain manner my husband cut these females short. Right in front of me and some were ashamed and just broke contact while others tried harder and the end result was my husband point blank telling one not to come by his home anymore.

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Keep your distance! Your gut is telling you something, LISTEN

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My friends’ Husband had a 3 year affair with a women who befriended her. My friend had no idea her new best friend was doing what she was doing. 3 Years. The whole community “thought” it. Finally one night when the Friend had to stay the night because she drank too much they got caught.

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:eyes: :roll_eyes::flushed::pleading_face:. Keep your eyes open……. She became your friend for a reason…… js

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I don’t know. I used to be a transportation manager in charge of a bunch of male truck drivers.
(I also was a driver)
So I fit in with men, I’m comfortable making jokes, and really getting to know people, and be there for them.
Some people have no ill intentions.
Definitely keep an eye on them, but maybe just ask her or joke about it with her and see her reaction.

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Always go with your instinct, its there for a reason. I would say to talk to your husband first, but usually most men will not admit if there are feelings there. Maybe talk to her and tell her whats going on but insinuate that your talking about someone else besides her. See what she tells you to do… It’ll give you insight as to how she would go about the situation.

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Don’t trust anyone with your money or your man!!

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Trust your gut. Met a girl through a mutual friend, she was cool, told me shes not the kind of girl to go after a married man. I tried to trust her, she seemed legit at first. But couldn’t shake the feeling that she wanted my man. She was constantly messaging him, always wanting to come over when he was home, etc. One day my husband and I went back roading and was listening to music through his phone. Went to pick a new song and she messaged my husband about how good looking he is. Sounds petty in a way, but the feeling I had ended up to be the truth and I kicked her to the curb.

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Trust no one the mind of mankind is very wicked

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Talk to your friend?

Just wear your man out… then you have no worries he will be too tired to do anything with anyone else and will be obsessed with you spice it up with him this will also help with your depression :heart:

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I would put her at a distance. No good friend should ever make you question their loyalty or intentions.

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If she is a good friend ask her why she stares at him.
Can’t trust anyone like that in under a year.
I met a female who hit it off quick with me too before I had kids.
Long story short she had a man but still managed to be the main girlfriend to my bf (at the time that made me a side chick) while we dated and she hung out with me.

That was in less than a year.

Always trust your instincts.

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Trust your intuition. This is how things at times leads to other things… If you really want to find out Spy on them get a mini camera or voice recorder one that can’t noice they have a clock camera a plus in wall camera check Amazon. But never blow your cover even if you don’t find anything cause you never know if in the furtive they will be extra cautious cause they once knew you were spying. Good luck

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I always believe in trusting your gut. I’ve not trusted mine before and it’s bit me in the butt.

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Distance her and see if things change

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Your feelings are valid. Her and your husband might not attempt anything, but trust your gut. You can still be friends with her, just be a little more distant. I had a friend who was going through a hard time with a divorce and she had a little daughter. We would go up to her house to give her rides and would get her and her daughter to help her out. I had a brand new Ford Fiesta at the time and we were going to get something else so I was just going to give her my car for free and put it in her name. She would just need to pay the payments and it being in her name if I gave it to her, if she lost it oh well. She was a single mom with no car and hardly any money so we wanted to help out. Until my husband got his current job. He was just talking about his new job and she saw dollar signs. So then she started texting my husband telling him she loved him and wanted to be with him. :neutral_face: She even added the comment I wasn’t a real woman because I couldn’t give my husband a child and I miscarried our first child so since she could actually give him kids she was more suitable for him. My husband tried to keep it from me at first because he knew how close I was with her and thought she would get the hint and stop but she didn’t. She tried to tell everyone he went and had sex with her when he wasn’t even in our home state. He was in Michigan with his parents working because his dad and brother work for the same company my husband does. She even tried to send me a video from “him coming to her house to have sex with her” when it was a day we both went to visit her and I was in the video in the passenger seat as my husband was getting in the car… and he walked out right behind me and was outside in my view before I even got in the car or went outside myself. Her best friend betrayed her and was having sex with her husband when she was married and caused him to want to leave her… so she didn’t see a problem with doing it to someone else. I had a printed out record of all of the texts between her and my husband and he would tell her to leave him alone and stop and she would keep pushing to try and get with him. Even when we stopped talking to her and blocked her number she would download text now and text us from a different number everytime we blocked her to keep harassing us until we had to change our phone numbers. That situation made me never want another female friend. Not because I don’t trust my husband because that situation there proved to me I could trust him, but I didn’t like the drama that came with the situation. I had people I had never talked to sending me screen shots of her posts she would post publicly about us trying to lie to people and the people believing it in the comments knowing I had her blocked and didn’t want to see it. I got so annoyed with repeating the same story over and over again I started blocking everyone that messaged me. Me and my husband were together all through high-school and got married days after graduating so when people were reading this girls story everyone wanted the inside scoop not caring how we felt. We haven’t had an issue with her since then because she can’t stay out of jail and even lost custody of her daughter. We even moved away so we weren’t close to her anymore. Since then we have been fine and happy and have our son. But not every couple is lucky to have loyalty to prevent something like that… I’d be careful with your friend if I were you and also just talk to your husband. Explain your concerns to him and have a civil conversation about it. Explain to him you want to be a little more distant with your friend. If your feelings of her persist even after taking her distance from her call off the friendship. Don’t give her an opportunity to affect your marriage in anyway.

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Ur gut is telling you that for a reason

Womens intuition beautiful…TRUST IT!!!

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Do you trust your husband? Or just go friendless if that’s the issue 🤷:roll_eyes::thinking:. Your husband should respect you. Trust is hard but not impossible. Is not like us woman can kill or hurt all women in the world.

Talk to her. Talk to your husband. Communication is key in ALL relationships