Am I being selfish for not wanting more kids?

So I’m 33 going to be 34, and I have three kids, ages 13, 9, and 6. They are all in school, but my bf that I have been with for 15 years wants to have another one, and I really don’t. I think… they are all in school now, and I don’t want to have to do it all over again! I’ve also had all 3 of them through the c section …am I being selfish?


Having a child is a decision made by both parties. If one wants one but not the other, it can’t be forced. He needs to respect your decision.


Nope. Both parents have be on board with this decision


No you are not being selfish. You do not have to have a baby if you don’t want to.


No if you dont want one dont do it.

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I say don’t do anything you don’t want to do. He needs to respect you because you’re the one who carries the kids & it’s your body that suffers.


I don’t think so. Pregnancy alone puts your body through so much, and add delivery by surgery (csection) to it is difficult. I always said I was getting my tubes tied at 33 no matter how many kids I want/have. An ectopic pregnancy ended my chance of having any more though.


Not at all. I had my tubes tied when I had my youngest at 23. I had 3 by them. I didn’t want anymore.

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No it not selfish. I would have me some me time

No. Especially if you know that you’re done.

Nope not even, remember men aren’t the ones carrying a child. So definitely your decision.


No my twins are 6 and I couldn’t imagine me being able to start all over. I know I couldn’t do it again.

Not wanting kids or wanting kids doesn’t make someone selfish. If you say no then it’s a no. You don’t want to cave and regret. I’ve seen that. It’s ugly.


Just don’t have any. I stopped when I had one. I didn’t want more so I told my husband no. He was free to leave and have more children with someone else if really needed more kids.


No not selfish. I think once the kids are all in school and can semi take care of themselves it’s hard to go back to the baby stage again. That’s what granbabies are for.

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It does not make you selfish. Especially having had three c-sections. I put my foot down because we are pregnant with our 8th and I’m done. I was done after 4 but compromised with my husband. We agreed on 3 more, and this one was an oops on my part (but was wanted by my husband, just wasn’t planned). I told him absolutely NO more after this one even though he still wants more. I don’t feel bad, I already compromised.

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No . It’s a massive commitment it takes it’s toll on your physical and mental health. What’s his reason for wanting another one ?

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No youre not being selfish its your body going thru everything. And i dont blame u for wanting to start over. Maybe have a conversation and see why he wants another so bad. So u can weigh all thr options.

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I’m going to be the odd one out it all.
But what if it was the other way around?
Maybe sit down and have a conversation with him Maybe Adoption is optional.
I think we’re a little fast to dismiss the fathers feelings.


You’re entitled to live your life the way you want too not the way anybody else wants you too. A child is a huge decision.

No ma’am you are not.

I’m 33 and told my fiance ( a few years ago) if we were going to have more it would have to be before I’m 32. We never ended up having another one and I’m not. He actually had a vasectomy. I have 2. 1 in middle school and 1 in first grade. You’re not being selfish. In all honesty its your body and its your choice if you want to carry again. There is always adoption.

everyone has there own opinion, and we gotta do us, and whats best

i was opposite, i wanted more, fiancé didnt. We have a 2 yr old and a 1 yr old, and Im pregnant with my 3rd. He didnt want any of them. **Side note he has 4 from a previous marriage. He new I wanted a big family, his other kids are grown.

He didnt want any of our babies and flipped every time. lets just say. we’ve not been an item since #3 came about. and Im happy.

By no means am I saying leave him lol

But you do you Momma!

I’m 26 and I’m having my third child (husbands first) he doesn’t want me to get myself sterilized but I do. So you’re definitely not alone. Personally I feel like it’s your body that has to go through it all, you should have the final say.

No no nooo having one now means it will grow up alone cause the bigger kids will have their friends next he’d be saying that you need to have another baby so he or she isn’t lonely


No it does not. Maybe adopt a kid that is already in school? Win win? Kinda? Maybe?

It’s a total PERSONAL decision if you want to be pregnant again. Sorry but the hubs has no say here.

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Nope. I always said I would be done having babies at 30. Had my first two at 21 and 22, and figured I was done after that. Got pregnant with my 3rd when I was 30 and had him a month after I turned 31 and I’m done! They’re 14,13 and 4 now.

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No. My cousin has 2 and wants no more. Her husband wanted a big family but there’s no way she wants more. He’s disappointed but this should have been talked about before they married. No its not selfish at all.


Not at all…he isn’t carrying them. If he can’t understand that then he’s being selfish

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No after 3 C-sections it could be dangerous for u to get pregnant again. U could have have a bunch of complications. I wouldnt chance it. Even if the pregnancy go ok thats still a major abdomen surgery with many risks in itself and cutting threw all that scar tissue makes it more risky for u.

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I guess I’m not sure why this is a question, it’s your body that has to carry the child so if you don’t want to, then don’t…being selfish has nothing to do with it.

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Why now does he want one? Is it because the three of them are in school and Mom will have a little free time?? These are questions I would ask. Then I would discuss the fact I was older and the chance of having something wrong with the child as you get older is high. Me personally I wouldn’t want to bring a child into this world today . Discuss with him why you are not having a child. I feel it may be selfish on his part. Good luck and God bless.

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I have 4 kids I do not want anymore don’t get me wrong I love them but there all school age and it’s nice to be able to take them and do stuff that’s age appropriate just tell him u don’t want another

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Fuck no I’m never gonna have another either

BF for 15 years🤔 Maybe if he married you by now🤷


Get on some type of birth control that can be injected or IUD if you’re determined not to have more kids.

i can tell you as someone who went 8 years to then have a child its rough mine are all either about to go to middle school or are and 2 in highschool i basically started over granted im alone too so its 10 times harder as a single mom of 5 but i love her to pieces but if its not something you want i wouldnt but thats ultimately something you too need to figure out

No Its not. I am 1 and done also 40. My daughter doesn’t want sibling either. Its your body.

Pfft. You can’t marry me after 15 years, but you wanna destroy my body?


I’m kinda in this position, I have a son from a previous relationship and my now husband has been raising him since he was about 9 months. He’s 5 turning 6 now, so when we got married I felt obligated to give my husband a child because he had none, it’s a girl & although he’s excited he wants to try again… I’m pretty sure I don’t though. I don’t think it’s selfish because you are the one that has to make all the sacrifices. Your body, your choice.


not not at all your body your choice i have 3 kids two boys and a girl all through csection tubes tied after my 3rd best decision i ever made

Nope…I have 4 with my husband cuz he wanted kids and I sometimes feel like i deal with them more than he does.

You’re not being selfish. It is your body so he needs to respect your choice.

No i have 4 all by c sections and my now ex husband didnt have any kids of his own and i told him no more kids for me sorry… The kid issue is not y we divorced btw my kids r now 22 21 17 16 and now im a grandma which is the best

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It’s up to both of you. If you’re done fine. But you typed “I think.”

Nope! He’s selfish if he keeps insisting knowing that you don’t want anymore kids.

He’ll no. You’re not selfish. It’s your body carrying & delivering another child. It’s you doing most of the child care etc. It’s selfish of your boyfriend to want another child. Don’t do it just to make him happy. You could resent the child & yourself.

Not one bit. I wouldn’t want to start over either. After 2 I was done.

No your not pregnancy cam put alot of strain on the body it’s not easy an if u don’t want to then don’t. Ask him if he wants too be 50 before kids are out of the house. Enjoy your break time with the kids that r in school

Ask him if he wants to compromise by getting a pet. He gets to train and take care of it.

No, I’m not even 30 and I got a tubal after my c section with my 2nd child. I don’t regret it at all. Both pregnancies were hard but my last one was the worst that led up to a c section. As soon as I was told I had to have a c section I told my doctor to do a tubal ligation.

Babies are a two yes decision. I would MOST definitely be in charge of my birth control while you figure it out. We had a hard stop date for having more kids, but we also decided we wanted 2 kids. Our youngest was conceived on the cusp of our hard stop.

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Do doctors still recommend no more than 3 c-sections?

It totally sucks when you can’t come to a mutual agreement on issues and decisions like this…however you’re entitled to the executive decision making considering you’re the one to carry and birth the baby and most likely be the primary care giver… so if you don’t want to than you shouldn’t have to…

Not it’s not selfish when it can be dangerous considering you had c-sections and it’s not like you only have one he is the one being selfish but you not wanting another baby shouldn’t interfere in him having another one with or without you just like you have your feelings so does he

Nope your not I’m the same age but my kids are 8,7&2 my partner wants another Ibe told him straight no way I’m having another if he wants more go find someone else

Compromise maybe? What about adoption or fostering and older child? But I do agree, your body, your choice…no reason for feeling selfish about it.

Absolutely not.Youre youngest is at school enjoy the break!

Your body, your choice.

Tell him to be a Big Brother, be a volunteer coach for T- Ball or another sport, offer to soothe drug addicted babies at the hospital, or just spend more time with your existing kids if he loves fatherhood that much.
Or have him offer to babysit, or do the nursery and younger ages in Sunday School or equivalent. He can also help out kids through charitable and school organizations. Have him sponsor a needy child in the U.S. or overseas, a la Save the Children. Way less time and money than bio kids!

There are lots of ways to have young ones in his life without burdening the rest of the family with the cost and responsibilities. Or tell him he has to wait for grandkids!

Also, you don’t have to get married, but be sure you have legal documents drawn up so you each have rights related to each other. For example, the right to be in the hospital with each other, make end-of-life decisions after a deadly accident (god forbid!), inheritance and ownership stuff, being able to travel as a spouse, being able to be on each other’s benefit plans, being each other’s medical power of attorney, etc.

Also be sure he knows how old he will be when this hypothetical baby is a teenager. And how much college will cost for all your current children, much less adding another to the mix.


I’m assuming the children are both of yours biologically? Just curious bc of the ages/years together

Why i am happy I had a hysterectomy (emergency but still grateful)… im 32 with 3 kids… and my bf doesn’t have any of his own. But I made it clear when we got together 3 years ago it be physically impossible… I really hope that someday he doesnt wake up and want one of his own… cuz I can’t do it. Even tho I still have my ovaries and could prob get a surrogate… never again. No more kids.

Nope, not selfish at all. It’s selfish for HIM to push you to do it. He has zero clue how hard a c-section is on you.

If you don’t want to then don’t.

Maybe you’ll consider adoption?

its not selfish…3 kids is alot.n u need to be strong on your stance…your mental health is important too and your kids need to know u really wanted them…

Are any of the kids your bfs? If so…maybe consider a dog or something instead? Or maybe adopting? I know adopting an older kid is hard to do…most come from abusive homes and are too mentally unstable to be around other kids…but could find the perfect fit. That is a tough one bc I know the reverse feeling of this. We have two kids…our second is a nightmare emotionally and my husband told me doesn’t want anymore bc she is so difficult, but I have always wanted at least three kids and we don’t have a boy yet,so I told him I want more kids or I’ll have them with someone else bc I told him when we were dating that I want 3-4 kids and we only have two girls. I’m not ready to call it quits without at least one more kid. So…I’d sit down,have a long talk and weigh his reasons for wanting another kid and consider it before slam him with a big NO bc that just makes you mad when your spouse flat out refuses without y’all talking it out for awhile and thinking on it.

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You had your oldest at 20. If you got pregnant now you would be 53/54 when your youngest was graduating from high school.
You would have spent half of your life, raising children by that point. And we all know they are not done being children at 18.
You are not being selfish. You are being reasonable.
You need to be able to have a life that does not revolve around your children some day.


You’re not being selfish. That’s alot having to do all over again. 20s might be a bit different. But having doubts in your 30s and close to 40s is understandable.

No, not selfish. Get a dog.

First off it’s your body you alone have to go through 9 months of being uncomfortable then labor pains also recovery while trying to take care of a newborn.Then you will be the one doing most of the nurturing. If it was.yoir husband maybe you could have seconds thoughts but there are no ties between you two but kids as of now. So I would say no and if he’s not willing to ask you for your hand in marriage after 3 kids he’s the one being selfish.

If you don’t want another one, don’t have it, and don’t let him talk you in to it.

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Your uterus, your choice. Nothing good comes from having a child you do not want.

I’m only 26 and I’ve had 3 csections. My husband and I have talked about having another baby but health wise we decided it wouldn’t be a good idea to have to put me thru another csection again. Each one brings risks worse and worse. Plus age was a factor for us to.

Your not being selfish it’s your body. Maybe sit down and do a pros and cons list lol

No you’re not being selfish. But it’s nothing wrong with your boyfriend wanting another kid either. I’m going to assume these kids are his.

No - -stick to your guns.

I don’t think it’s selfish. I think you should both sit down and really discuss your feelings with each other and respect how each other feels but you don’t have to agree in order to respect them.

If you don’t want another then stick to your guns. You’re the one who has to be pregnant, you’re the one who has to give birth, etc. I would sit down and have an adult conversation about it one last time and then leave it at that.

He prolly wants more f.a :laughing::laughing:

No your not selfish…you have done your sleepless nights and feeds. Time for you to now enjoy the second part of parenting…enjoy your kids . I’m at the same stage as you and I can not imagine having a baby now …get a puppy xx

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Your body your decision

I did this… I am 36 with an 18, 11, 8 and 3yr old. I live my children dont get me wrong, but starting over is hard, expensive, and does take a toll. The youngest is my baby, but there are somedays I am glad he sleeps at my husband’s every other week. Enjoy your time and get a dog. :slight_smile:

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You are the one that has to endure it all… do not do it unless you want to aswell. He’s being selfish if he’s pressurising you.


It’s your body your decision, if your not 100%don’t do it x


One is enough honestly so no you’re not being selfish for not wanting a fourth.

I have one
And my partner wants another one.

She is 2 now and I couldn’t imagine doing it all again.

Tell him to put a ring on your finger 15 yrs of dating. Tell him to commit to that first then you can discuss more kids

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No you are not. It’s your body and your the one that has to go through pregnancy and birth and everything that follows that. I started over again with having children in my mid 30’s and let me tell you… it’s definitely not as easy as it was in my 20’s. The pregnancies took a bigger toll on me and as a parent I has far less energy to keep up with babies and toddlers.
Get him a puppy or start babysitting for someone with a baby on the weekends. Take him to the store to calculate the new cost of baby stuff. Maybe those will help him get it out of his system.

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Your not being selfish. With that being said talk to him. Do like my best friend and make a list of pros and cons and a budget with out a new baby and one with… but dont ignore his feelings and down just shot him down actually talk it out. Like someone else said there is adoption as well.

Having kids in your mid 30’s is hard!!! I had my last at 34 and it was awful!! Don’t do it unless it’s really what you want. It’s so much work.

I just turned 35, and even if I could have more I wouldn’t want another.

You aren’t being selfish at all. It’s your body and already have 3 kiddos in school. I have 2 and wouldn’t have any more than that. Luckily my hub agrees

Offer him a C section…

Nope. It’s your body. You’re not selfish for not wanting to put your body through it

It’s your body ask him would he do it if it was him having the babies

I just had my 4th csection at 30. It’s hard on your body. There can be major thinning in the uterus bc of scar tissue, which can be risky. That being said…i love my little baby it it was worth all the pain and misery. It’s something to be aware of though

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Maybe get him a dog? Lol its your body. I couldn’t imagine 3 pregnancies. I only had one. If you dont want to then dont. He sounds like he has baby fever.

He wants a baby, get him chickens. They are easier to raise than a dog, they lay eggs, and become an addiction. You will get babies every year. Or another pet. I love babies! And after getting my tubes tied, baby chicks every year keeps that baby fever at bay. Or you can get him a dog or cat. I wouldn’t want to start over with a baby now that my kids are all in school. Your body, it’s up to you.

Hell no it’s not selfish. You had 3!

No he doesn’t have to be peg. For 9 months

hey a kids puts you back 3 years… you had 3 csection just like me. 3 is the max when it comes to csection. definitly puts you in the riskier group. Covid and all… unsure times. i have 4 cause i had twin too. i wouldn’t put myself in the riskier group now, especially covid and hospitals and future kinda foggy to see the end of it all. and if you are unsure rather dont do it