I need advice. My boyfriend and I have been together for 9 years. We share two kiddos aged 5 and 7. He previously had two kiddos from another marriage they are now 11 and 13. I have a great relationship with the older two kids. I’ve been in their lives since they were little. I have them every two days and every other weekend. While my boyfriend works I have them. On Saturdays he goes to work and after straight to a hockey league. He doesn’t get home until everyone is asleep usually. This is every Saturday even weekends he has his other two kids. His daughter joked that her grandma and I share joint custody of them. He goes on a hockey trip every year for 4 days out of state and my bonus kids go on vacations with us every year as well with their mother. She usually takes them to the Bahamas, while we usually vacation in Georgia. We have never taken a vacation without all 4 kiddos. This year they are taking a vacation during the summer with their mom again while we decided financially we weren’t going to vacation this year. My brother yesterday offered to take my two kids and myself along to Georgia with them for a week all expenses paid. I brought this up to my boyfriend and he got really pissed and his argument was “How is that fair to the older kids?” “How could I take our two and not the older ones?” While I understand where he’s coming from it also makes me upset because I think he’s mad that he will have to find someone to watch the older two kids (when he’s at work) he will have to make them dinner, he will have to skip going to gym everyday, and he’ll have to actually take care of them. Am I wrong to want to go? Also the condo my brother rented is a one bedroom (him and his wife) and we will be bunking on the fold out couch). Do I go or stay? I’ve never taken a trip without my whole family. I never do anything for myself but am I being selfish?
The older kids get a trip with their mom & your kids get a trip with you…seems even to me. Also, when you have children with multiple ppl you get what you get lol…the kids will not all live the same life 
Go. He needs to figure it out. Life is short. You support him and he needs to support you.
Go!!! Enjoy time with your family
Ma’am don’t deny your kids the opportunities for their vacation, because their father don’t want to parent his other children on his own.
Life is not fair nor equal in everything.
His other kids go on vacation and experience other stuff without the younger ones.
So why is this an issue now that your kids are getting the opportunity all expenses paid to enjoy a vacation.
Ma’am go and enjoy your vacation with your brother.
GO!!! They are his kids!! Time to be a dad!!
Go girl! He’s the one being selfish! Like you said, he’s going to have figure things out and he doesn’t like that! Sounds like you need the vacation! Go, enjoy yourself!
Your children have every right as well as you do to take a trip and make memories with their family !!
My ONLY dilemma would be if the older two were to feel left out. Considering their age, they’d probably understand the circumstances. I would definitely ask them though. As for the BOYFRIEND, he can figure it out.
Why do us women sacrifice our whole life and no one appreciates it…i hope the next generation changes this unbalanced situation…
The older kid might want/enjoy the quality time alone with their Dad. If he can afford it he should take the time off when he would have his older kids and make it fun for them. Take them somewhere fun that they can’t do with the younger kids.
For example:
Mini golf
Karting
Theme parks
The beach
Sounds like you are all of their mom. Also, thank you for that. Kids deserve YOU. A good parent and step parent.
Can’t name one mom who gets to have sports leagues when their kids are at home, visiting on their weekend. I can’t think of one WHO WOULD.
He doesn’t want the responsibility, you are not being selfish. Everyone deserves a vacation. His kids deserve a Father who would take the opportunity to do something with just them.
Girl…GO WITH YOUR BROTHER!!! Your kids and YOU deserve this time together!! JUST GO!!
Your partner seems extremely selfish and definitely has different standards for himself than he does for you!! GO!! Enjoy your brother and his wife!! Sounds amazing!!
Go! The older kids are getting a vacation with their mom. It’s quality time with your family and that’s important. Plus all expenses paid?? He is being the selfish one. He is a grown man and can take care of his kids while you are gone.
Maybe suggest he spends some quality time with the older 2? How often do they get dad all to themselves? He could take them out and just spend time and bond with
You should go with your family. Since his children will be going on a vacation with their mother, he shouldn’t have a problem with you and your children going. It’s not going to cost him anything so he shouldn’t have an issue with it financially. He is their father and he needs to handle his responsibilities, as he should, without complaining.
Go and have fun, I don’t see how he says it’s not fair the 2 children you have together only get the 1 holiday with everyone where as the older 2 also get a holiday with mum so if it wasn’t fair on anyone it’s that the younger 2 only get 1 holiday 
I’m going to be blunt your boyfriend likes having kids but he doesn’t like the responsibility of being an actual parent. His own daughter said to you “ grandma and you share joint custody of them” which screams her dad (your boyfriend and the mother of his two younger kids) is a deadbeat parent plain and simple. He cares more about his work and hockey and more than likely his friends.
Well the older two aren’t loosing out they are going a a vaca where as your two are going in vaca to see to family. So it’s different. He needs to man up it’s not all your responsibility to take on his role always!
Go, HAVE FUN, and don’t let anyone guilt trip you into ruining your time
You 100% go. Tell him to deal with it or he can figure out how to deal with all that himself permanently while also having the two you share the same amount of time he has the older two when you leave him and find a real man.
Also, stop allowing him to not parent any of his kids. He is like this because you’ve allowed it for 9 years.
Go, have fun. I understand the dilemma but I have learned that sometimes I have to do for me and not everyone else.
Check your relationship. Seems like he’s being selfish. Selfish by you taking care of his responsibilities and he’s not. Now he’s demanding you continue to take care of them and forego your trip because he doesn’t want to take care of the children. Does he say to their mom that she should take your children to the Bahamas? No because you are still there to take care of them. You need to evaluate this relationship while you are in Georgia. Oh and you can let him know if he doesn’t think it’s fair for the other two then tell him you will leave all 4 with him while you go alone. Since he goes alone. Also why are you with him 9 years without the benefit of marriage? Evaluate your situation Sis. Are you just the nanny with benefits? Cuz if a woman asks him, his answer is I’m single. 
You better go. How is it fair the other two miss out? The other two are going on vacation already and He can sacrifice days off hockey need be.
You deserve it. And he (I’m assuming) just doesn’t want to do everything by himself. Tell him you’re going, they’re his responsibility as well, he can figure it out. Does he go on the hockey vacations alone? I’m paranoid so I would assume him being gone all the time, I’d be scared of something else going on. But no, you’re not selfish at all. Go spend time with your brother
Why are u questioning yourself
He can take care of his children
You take time for you and enjoy making memories with your 2
Don’t feel guilty dad can step up for a change
Go on the trip.
Remind him they do stuff with their mom and others that the other kids aren’t invited to.
Don’t pass up an opportunity because of his narrow minded viewpoint
Go she doesnt take your kids on vacation
Go,he needs to grow up and be a parent,not someone without any obligations
No your not wrong at all his taking advantage of you and what your doing for the older 2 explain to him that you need a little break and your brother has paid and booked all this for his sister and his niece and nephew xx
Girl go. You live your life. He’ll get over it.
You go, the older kids get to go on vacation with their mom. The younger kids should to. It gives him quality time to bond with just the older ones …it also gives him time to man up and be the present dad.
You’re not being selfish at all!! Go!! Take your children and go with your family!! Let Dad, take care of his kids, for once!!
Go, let him figure it out.
Hes not your partner. You’re his live in nanny. Why do you. A grown woman need to ask if you can go or even need his approval. Does he ask your permission to live his life like a single man while you take care of all the kids. Cause that’s what he’s doing. And he can’t live the free single lifestyle and go where he wants if you are on holiday . I will guarantee you this. He doesn’t care if his older 2 children may feel left out. But he knows you’d care. So that’s how he’s going to get you to do what he wants.
Go on your trip you take car of all the kids you deserve for u and ur 2 some quality time. He gets to have his hockey league on Saturdays, his gym time everyday or every other day, and he works so he probably never spends much time with any of you. The older 2 are going on vacation so why can’t were younger 2. I’d just tell him me and the 2 kids are going wether he likes it or not. Then I would tell him if he doesn’t like it he can kick rocks. He does everything he wants without thinking about any of the kids or your feelings that’s selfish. Tell him to man up. Also thanks for being an amazing step mom the kids are very blessed to have you in there life. Keep up the amazing work momma
Hell I’d so okay it. Then all the kids are staying with you and go by myself to my brothers 
Take your kids and go on that trip mama.!
You had better go on that vacation…time for him to be a dad…
It sounds like you’ll have a good time and a great period to bond with your kids. He can grow up. Take the trip
he’s a bf, not a husband. I’d go.
Go and enjoy time with your babies, brother and sister n law!
Absolutely not! You go and enjoy. Sounds like he needs to take responsibility of being a dad. Let him be upset. Sounds like you deserve this trip!
I will likely be the only “odd man out” on this one. I have basically the same blended family makeup. Although my oldest bio child is of age and living on his own, my boyfriend of 6 years and I have 3 littles still living with us. For context…of the 3 little ones, one is my bio, and 2 are his bio. If my bonus children were not home with us (i.e…off with their other parent or family), I would definitely take the trip with my little. But if all 3 of my kiddos were home, I would not be taking a trip with just my bio child. I get that blended families and situations can be tricky, and that each kid will not always have the exact same opportunities or experiences. But I also couldn’t single just one of them out while the other littles were still in my or dad’s care.
If it were a “girl’s only” or a “boy’s only” trip, I get it…but I personally would not exclude any of my littles (bio or bonus) from a family trip if all of them were with us at the time
Nope I’d definitely go. He can be a dad while your gone. You’re entitled to me time. And your also taking 2 of the children. So I definitely would state I’m going on these days
And you’ll be responsible for xyz. If he doesn’t do everything while your away that’s ok. As long as the basics are taken care of. Like the children eating and going to school ect. The house stuff can wait until you return. That may help relieve some tension for him knowing he has basic duties.
To never allow you to go places with or without kids is a form of manipulation and abuse. I’d watch for those red flags for sure.
Hope you get to take your trip and have a good time.
I would think a mature responsible man would want you to go. You are an awesome Mom and stepmom! Go guilt-free.
Go. He can handle it for one week!
You’re not being selfish. Go and have fun !!
And I just want to say how awsome you sound!! Taking care of all 4 kids ! Loving the bonus ones like your own 
.
The oldest 2 get a vacation so don’t feel bad. You and the kida go have fun.
No… he is being TOTALLY unreasonable…
Go… take ur kids why should they miss out… ignore his BS …
Ur right he is just pissed he will… FOR ONCE … have to take responsibility for his two older kids
Go… if u don’t go… it won’t be fair on the younger two…
what a complete selfish tw*t he is!
So your kids get left out every time the older 2 go on vacation with their mom. Same difference. Your husband doesn’t ask the ex to take your kids so they won’t be left out. I call BS. Go on your trip with your kids and brother. Your husband can do something special for his 2 every day he has them while you are gone. You are far from selfish.
I was in a similar situation once. I’m no longer married to that man but I did everything for him and his children as well as mine from a previous marriage and the child we had together (yes, so many babies). Here’s the thing, I had so many missed opportunities with my children that I do wish I could go back and fix it all for my kids. For them to have some special time with me because of anything, they deserve it. Let him be a father to his children. I understand you love them just as much but he needs to step up and you need a break. Your babies won’t be this age forever and it goes by in a blink. Mine are now going adults and his (even though we’re divorced) are still in my life. They still say I’m stepmom but feels like I’m real mom and I still say they’re my girls.
I would go. You are doing nothing wrong. His older kids are going away with their mom. You have a right to take your kids an go away too. Your not being Selfish at all… HE IS!!!
Girl you better go and get that trip and he better start sorting out his week with his children. Of course you deserve a vacay all expenses paid. You’re right though, he doesn’t want to actually look after his children because he’s been living the life all whilst you do everything he should be doing 50% of. Tell him to figure it out. Butt hurt? Algoods. Deal with that when you get home! Go live your best life! YOLO 
Girl go and take your kids not fair his kids get vacation and not yours tell him your going and to be ready to take care of your kids alone for once you deserve some quality time once in awhile for just you and your kids and he should want it with just him and his children just because your a blended family does not mean you don’t spend some alone time with just your children girl go go go
Your stepkids are still enjoying their lives when they’re not at your house, so why shouldn’t you do the same? My bio kids will NOT live their lives at a reduced capacity because their father has kids that live outside of the home. Take the trip with your kids and use that time to reflect with them
My stuffs will be already packed , just inform him but do not ask for his permission
You can’t pour from an empty cup so I’d say go and have a good time with your littles. You’re a mom of 4 and time away is paramount imo to be healthy. Your boyfriend won’t die being a present father of two, for a week 
Show him this post and the responses. He’s being 
selfish and using his other kids as an excuse. If he cared he would want to come home after work Saturdays and see them or use this as a bonding time with his older kids. If one is “joking” about u and gma having joint custody, it’s usually bc it bothers them and they only know how to say it as a joke bc they don’t want anyone mad.
Go and enjoy your children and your family and live your lives without a boyfriend. He seems to be selfish and his boys are his responsibility
That’s awesome you take care of the other children like your own!! Go on vacation with your kids and you’re not being selfish. The other 2 will be fine. Dad can take care of them since they are his kids. Let him be mad.
You should go. You are not being selfish, your boyfriend is being selfish. It sounds like he doesn’t spend a whole lot of time with his two older kids and does a lot of what he wants. If I was you I would go, and tell him this is his time with his two older kids without the little ones around, they are not getting any younger, Infact he doesn’t have much time left with them until they’re adults. He can either choose to take that time off of everything he likes to do and spend time with his older children or he can find a sitter himself. Which honestly I’m not sure why you need a sitter for a 11 year old and a 13 year old but anyway… If you teach them and prepare them for independence then they are definitely old enough to be alone for a length of time. You seem to take on a lot of responsibility, a vacation/spending time with your family, all expenses paid, is not something you or your kids should miss out on. You need a break and if your boyfriend cannot understand that then maybe you should show him what it would be like without you.
Or, you could tell your boyfriend he will need to pay for the older two to go with you. Pay for a place, pay for food for the week, pay for activities you might do, etc. because it would be extremely rude of your boyfriend to EXPECT your brother to pay for everyone and everything.
Your choice, but either way you are not being selfish.
I once had an offer of an all expenses paid trip to Disney because I worked in a private home as a healthcare worker for a special needs girl and the guardian wanted my help while they were there. However I had a family of 5 altogether. My boss paid for myself (all expenses paid as stated), and my husband and I put the money together for him and our 3 kids to go as well. It would have been rude of me to expect my boss to pay for all 5 of us just because she knew I had a husband and 3 kids.
You’re not being selfish, he is
Go the older kids go on vacation with their mom why can’t your 2 go with you .I think your boyfriend is being selfish
Go on the trip and let the man child figure out how to parent his kids without your help. You are not being selfish.
Your boyfriend is petty. I would go. And maybe he’ll understand what you go through when he’s at hockey.
Just go on the trip! Why should the two younger ones have less then the older two? The older ones go on a vacation without the younger two going so it’s only fair. You sacrifice all year and deserve a vacation too and since he goes on one solo, so why can’t you? Plus, the oldest is 13 which is old enough to babysit the second oldest… it will be good for them to bond with their dad while you’re gone too!! I know you don’t want to stir up waves but he gets to do whatever he wants and has gotten too because you stepped up for his first two!
Go with your brother. Enjoy your time the older kids can make it with there father. He is your boyfriend, you’ll have a long time relationship that you aren’t getting what you should out of it. He need to spend time with the kids.
All of you telling herto go are in the wrong, they decided together not to go on vacation, but now she is gonna go on vacation meaning them sitting down talking and coming to a decision together means nothing, that seems disrespectful on its own
Go, you may never get this chance and. Time is short, take what comes your way and make memories
You need to go! It’s your time to breath and enjoy yourself plus you need alone time with just your kids.
I’d see where he was coming from if he was invited too. Take the trip
Go have fun, the older kids go on vacation with their mother you go be with you children .
I hope you go. Because it isn’t fair to you and your two kids. He cannot make it about the kids that are already going on a Vaca. Make it make sense please.
Absolutely go his other two kids are going on vacation with their mom you go and enjoy time with your family. He can figure it out
Why should your kids miss out when the other two are getting away, go let him step up for a change x
Sounds like your two have been missing out on a lot, as the other two get a vacation with mom and then another with dad and you. About time your two get a vacation with their mom!
I wld go it’s his turn to step up to plate and take care of the other 2 it’s also not fair to yours to miss out on a vacation. He get glad in same britches he got pissed in
Omgosh. Go. Make him be a dad for once. He will figure it out.
Also. 9 years. And still just boyfriend. I think it’s time to move on to someone who values you more.
I say go but explain to your older kids you’re going on a trip with your brother but also maybe help him find a sitter while you’re gone
Heck , yeah - go with your brother. You deserve it. If he gets mad tell him next year take his older kids on his “boys” trip. Young one, the old saying “ what’s good for the goose is good for the gander.”
Girl go! Spend time with family! He needs to step up!
Dont deny ur kids family time because of him. Hes selfish
I would definitely go to Georgia with my family…
Go and have a wonderful time 
the man child will manage just fine.
Go ! You need this chance to go with family without all the kiddos , he gets a trip by himself each year, take this one!
Go mama let dad baby sit his own kids you are good mom enjoy tell that man of yours to grow up
I would 1000000% go!!! He needs to take care of his children
Go!! Dad needs to Dad for a change!
by what you explained how your boyfriend is … nope , you go … tell him to cut back on things and step it up and take care of his kids … he can skip a few days of going to the gym , he doesn’t need to be going to hockey league’s when he has kids that he needs to be taking care of 
<3 He has you around for one reason! You are his nanny.
Go, pack them bags as fast as you can and run !!!
The older kid get a trip with their Mom.
Your kids get a trip with you!
Seems all fair.
Stop believing that you can’t do anything with your own kids.
When your husband says how is it fair?
Tell him it isn’t, that’s why hes staying home with them.
Pack ur bags an take that vacation. You deserve it.!!!
It always sounds like a prick. Not sure why women waste their time with men like this who are selfish and only care about themselves. He’s using you for your free labor and time and not giving you anything in return. Trust me the dick isn’t that good.
Your boyfriend sounds like a jerk
GO on the trip and have a wonderful time!
Go and take your kids they are going somewhere with the mom .
Go… he will be ok… tell him to put his grown up panties on and deal with it.
You go and have some fun. Dad can be dad! One on one time is good. And thank you for being a great stepmom!! Dad sounds very selfish. Besides Dad gets his away time why shouldn’t you? You should start planning a adult girls only trip…good for the goose!!
Well deserved…go for it:revolving_hearts: