Am I being selfish?

My husband took a job an hour away. We no longer go to the gym together-which was something we always did. He attends a completely different gym in a different town because it’s “on the way”. Wakes up a couple hours early to go to the gym. I don’t want to discourage him from going because fitness has always been important to both of us, but at the same time I feel like he could be hiding something. Like who he could be working out with or seeing. (I understand that I’m insecure but this fuels my fire).
On top of this he now wants to work nights for the pay increase. We would never see each other during the week because of my work schedule. We also have 3 kids. I’ve told him how I feel. That I’d be extremely worried that we wouldn’t be able to hold it together. And he makes me feel guilty because we need the money if we want to make our dreams come true. We wouldn’t be able to afford the life style that we want etc… I’m already naturally resentful that he works an hour away and attends a different gym. Now he wants to work a shift where we will never see each other during the week.
He’s worked nights before but at that time he worked in the same town and I also only worked part time so I got to spend the whole first half of my day with him on my days off. I’m feeling more and more neglect in our marriage. I don’t know that he’d cheat on me, but I do know that he chooses to watch porn frequently- I’ve expressed that I don’t like when he does that too. He just hides it now. It gets in the way of our sex life. Can someone help me feel more confident in these changes? I feel like I’m losing him.


Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I being selfish?

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My husband has turned down higher paying jobs just because he knew the hours would make it impossible to have family time. He says money isn’t always worth it and he would rather have us than anything else. So is having a lavish lifestyle later worth you guys missing out now and possibly not having a later?


I wonder what he’d say if you said you wanted to move closer to his place of employment.
Maybe surprise him at his gym or work :shushing_face:


An hours drive is not that big of a deal. The gym thing shouldn’t be a problem. The night shift however is worrisome. For one he’s Choosing the night shift knowing he’s giving up his sex life with her. He’s not seeing his kids. Sounds like he likes living a more carefree life which may or may not include another woman. I’d be suspicious too.


Sounds suspicious and your gut is telling you something, listen to your instincts!!


When a person wants to stray they will do it whether you feel insecure or not. You can’t do anything to stop that. You can be the best wife, lover, mother, etc. It will not matter to someone who has bad intentions. Perhaps he is doing what he feels he needs to do to have a better life for his family. Tormenting yourself about what he’s doing or not will not change the outcome


No one can make you more confident, you have to find that in yourself … Unfortunately I don’t think anyone on this group can help you understand what’s going on with him as we don’t know him from a bar of soap, he might be sincere in everything he tells you … I would seek counselling, tell him how you feel and say the "I feel… " statements rather than assume / accuse … also, if there isn’t trust there, there is already nothing to fight for… I wish you all the best of luck xx


dreams aint worth it & it all sounds suspicious


Maybe nothing , talk to him and watch his body language , then see how your instincts are after ??


The main red flag to me is that you said he took a job…without discussing the distance and time etc with you first. To me this indicates a lack of respect for you. Even in an area where there are no other employment options, I would think he’d have given you a heads up. It’s worrying how many people do something like this, with no discussion, and then make their spouse just deal with it :woman_shrugging:


I was married 20 years to a man who worked nights. No insecurities about where he was at. We only saw each other on sundays. I raised 2 kids then once the kids were older he switched to days and it all went to shit cause we didn’t have a bond like we thought we did. Even though our married appeared great we grew apart. He missed out on a lot and now it shows in his relationship with his kids. They are super close to me I see both everyday. He sees them sometimes. Him and I are still great friends. But you can’t get that time back money isn’t worth it if it’s between making more to buy a house but you can afford to rent memories with your family is more important. I could see it if you couldn’t afford to live then you do what you have to do. If you talk to him and he can’t see that then somethings not worth it to him. My thought is there’s already something missing in your marriage you need to figure out what that is. But you can’t feel or accuse him of cheating both will eat away a marriage.


I’m torn between his behavior sounds suspicious versus you are suffocating this man with your insecurities and trying to control him. Time will tell if he’s cheating or not.


#1. You’re Gorgeous/
#2. Don’t worry.

3. Let him worry.

4. Keep confident.

5. He can worry what you’re doing…

#6. Keep yourself @ the Top!
#7. Confidence is a Turn On.
#8. Let him see that!! He will run back home….
#9. Show Confident behavior
#10. If his worth is anything (you will know) :balance_scale: :pray:t2::point_left:
PS: Don’t waste seconds worrying….You have more worth than anyone…!!:sunglasses:


some people go months and even years without seeing their partner due to their job…nothing he is doing sends me red flags and if it bothers you that much either move closer to his work or get a job with a different shift that allows more time together


If he wants to cheat he will do so regardless of how far away he works or if he works nights. Let him, you will know if something is off. And if he does end up cheating, at least you didn’t waste whole life on him.


All I can say is go with your gut feelings, they are rarely wrong. I was married for 25 years to a church going Christian woman that I would have bet my life would never cheat on me. Things started changing like where she would go and my gut told me something was wrong but I kept thinking it was insecurity, she was cheating. 25 years down the drain, if someone cheats they have no respect for you and without respect there can be no love. I wish you the best and pray it works out for you. Remember suspicion and jealousy are like cancer, they only destroy the host. Talk to him, voice your concerns and get to the bottom of it before it eats you alive


Sounds like they need to figure out what’s really a priority. Having more money for more stuff NEVER makes things better. As you get older (at least for me), the things of importance don’t revolve around material items.


sounds like he’s taking every opportunity to ensure the best for your family. You have major insecurities.


The fact that he is watching porn frequently would have me worried… he’d rather watch porn then have sex with you… you’ve expressed how you feel and hes knocked it down like we need the money. I don’t no dont want you to overreact incase its nothing but yeh id have warning bells above my head…if you feel worried investigate more.


A lot of men prove their love by providing as much as possible. What you see as neglect he may see as total love and commitment. Talk to him and ask why he wants to do these things. Extra money shouldn’t come before your marriage but if it’s only for a certain amount of time then discuss it. Both of you have to sacrifice for each other.


What if he is genuinely trying to help you get ahead? I wouldn’t be suspicious unless I found something. Watching porn is a whole different thing though. That is something you shouldn’t discourage. I know I’d hate it if my partner said I wasn’t allow to watch it.


Follow his ass his def seeing someone to change his whole routine if his waking up 2 hours early to go to another gym wtf why not go to the one with you


My former husband and I got along the best when we worked opposite schedules. I liked it because that more time of an adult at home (kids were little then and needed care). I will admit that I never worried about cheating. That just isn’t in my wheelhouse. I don’t think I would ever worry about someone cheating at a gym. That really doesn’t seem like a romantic place at all.


If you don’t trust him or have trust issues, there’s nothing he can say/do would change that.You’d always be suspicious.
Let him do whatever he wants to do and then see what he ends up doing.
If he wants to cheat, he’d or can cheat even while being next to you.
Give him space for now maybe that’s what he needs ATM. Do your thing meanwhile , and let him guess why don’t you need him asmuch anymore ? :thinking:

If he feels the need to hide something from you like watching P** then maybe you need to dig deep inside you a little.Be his friend and watch it with him :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:


Just ignore his ass, act like it doesn’t even bother you AND actually suggest he stay there during the week and say it would probably work better for you if he was gone Monday - Friday lol his alpha will kick in and wonder why you want him gone haha!


What’s the point in having a relationship if you never see each other. To me this would be hard to take. Personally I want to share my life with a partner. I feel that you are right to be suspicious.


So you’ve always working out together not because it’s your routine but so you can keep tabs on him. Be honest about your motivation and intentions before asking advice on social media.


I’m not married but been with my man for 12 years almost 13 an I can say it wasn’t always easy and we always worked opposite schedules I worked nights an he worked days but in the end of it all it brought us together if u can’t trust him or communicate with him then the relationship isn’t gonna work


If changes like this cause the demise of your relationship, it wasn’t good to start. Changes happen. How the couple manage is what builds trust and should make it stronger. Sounds like counseling is in order. Couples and individuals counseling.


Maybe he dont quite understand the true meaning of being a husband and wife and father all at the same time or maybe he does and its scarying the hell out of him and he is afraid to talk so he is putting distance between all of you. Either way something might be bothering him. Money and dreams aint everything. The true value is living just the right amount of Comfortable to make many good memories as a family


everyones tryna say ur clingy and this and that but he probably has a whole 2nd family over there. trust ur gut


Trust your gut always. Y’all need to talk and discuss your concerns with him. If there’s nothing to hide, he’ll listen and y’all can find a happy medium. If he’s adamant about doing only what he wants and has no consideration for you or your kids, then you may have a problem


Take a ride when he’s at the gym and see what’s up?


I would be suspicious


I don’t think this has anything to do with his job or the porn, it has to do with communication and insecurity.

I used to work out of town for months at a time and come home for only four days every month and there was no problem in my relationship. The reason I did it was to make a good living for my family and support them. I didn’t give my significant other a reason to doubt me or to believe I’m cheating on her and I talked to her and my kids all the time. I skyped with them, they called and left me messages, etc. I eventually decided it was too much to be traveling because I missed my family every single day so I came home.

I didn’t cheat, she never accused me and never thought I was capable of it. Going to the gym alone and freaked ng out about it is something you have to work on. If he isn’t giving you a reason to believe he is cheating then get over your insecurities about it. He is allowed to go do things without you and you shouldn’t freak out when he decides to do it, especially when it makes life easier on him. It’s not fair to him that you’re insecurities are trying to control him into making him do what you want because you’re scared of what he might do.

The porn thing I don’t get. Almost every guy watches it, and sometimes it will take the place of sex because sometimes we just don’t want to have sex but still need to or want to experience the same feeling. If sex literally takes a back seat to porn then I could understand it but it seems like the job is interrupting the sex life more than the porn.

You need to get off his back. Carrying that weight around will push him away faster than if you just talk to him like a non-insecure wife and let him know there are some things bothering you. Then work on your insecurities at the same time so it gets better on both sides of the spectrum. The job may only be temporary. He may get too tired of it, he may stack some money and be done, he may miss you and the family and change the job, you just never know. What I do know is if you keep being the way you are right now, you will push him away and that will make your fears come true or he will decide he has had enough. So calm down, and work on yourself at the same time you talk to him like a normal person


Chances are, he loves going to another gym because he wants freedom in his workout. It reads like she would be all over him at the gym. Forcing him to stay in the same area as she, working on the same equipment too. Too clingy will wind up creating a need or desperation for freedom.


Yes you need money to live on this plant but having a life with your husband and kids is better. Move with your husband and find a job over there. Rent your house you will still be making money.


If it was me…I would set up a day at his gym that he works out at…and get a feel for the environment and how he acts towards you…I would also talk to him…and tell him how you feel …but don’t accuse him of anything …(.cuz you don’t know for sure) also maybe mention that you would be open to relocate…if need be…to take the stress off of him…and your marriage…tell him you appreciate what he is doing …but explain to him…after much thought …that money isn’t everything…that you would be content the way things were before. .you have a right to express your needs …if you shove it under the rug …well he will think your ok with what he is tryn to do …as far as the porn…is this something new? Or has it been something that he has done in the past…I mean asking him…and tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable…and suggest counseling…


I think that right now is a season of sacrifice. It won’t last forever if the plans are to truly live y’all best lives. Continue to express your feelings and just learn new ways to keep each other happy. But if you feel it’s something else aside from insecurities then idk


I think you need to get over your insecurities and let the guy have a little freedom. Too much possessiveness can also push someone away. Best wishes and good luck to you!


I honestly don’t see any issue at all with anything he’s doing an youre just looking for things. He’s working a better job an different shift to help aid the dreams you mentioned like you can’t have it both ways… you see him an dont get the dreams or suck up the change for awhile to get what you guys want. Not being up each other butts all day every day is a good thing too. an you still have the weekend. If he ditches all time every again maybe I’d worry


Sounds like he is already gone if he wants to watch the porn and take on a shift that makes it where he does not see you or the kids. Get some professional counseling and look for a lawyer.


Your biggest issue here is asking random strangers their opinions on fb about something that could be multiple things. Asking advice from people that know you and him would probably be more productive honestly.


It sounds like he is distancing himself from you. Probably feels in a rut with bills, kids, going nowhere, looking at porn instead of you. It is leading to more of the same and if it keeps going this way, your marriage will be over. If he shows little interest in you and the children, make yourself strong (job-wise) so when it is over you can support yourself. You need counseling to put the life back.


Listen to your intuition.


Do y’all need the money or not? You don’t need to be in his space 24/7. Don’t let your personal insecurities ruin a good thing. Maybe ask him how long does he plan to be doing this.


I think you have a valid reason to feel neglected. He is working nights and going to a gym in a different town. All of it kind of sounds suspicious and maybe he is hiding something bigger. Your gut instinct is always right. The time apart from each other will do more harm to the marriage.

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Both of you guys need to watch Christopher Robin. Together. That movie changed the way I went to work. It’s not about money. Money is only a tool. Can you not see that you have everything you need already? 3 kids and a wife? Don’t do it bro. Take care of your family but that’s a little too extreme to exclude yourself from them to make their life better with money. You gotta be there at the concerts the practices the little things. That’s what matters


I feel like a lot of people fall into this trap of what your priorities should be. If he works all the time it isn’t just taking time away from you but also from the children. One day he will realize he missed the important stuff (aka time with his family) trying to provide a nicer home, cars, etc. So many people are blind to what really matters. Your kids might get really excited they received the toy or gadget they really wanted and your wife might really love that new car or better, bigger home but at the end of the day most would give it up for more family time. I think the solution to this issue is to sit down and discuss where your priorities are and then hopefully re-examine your choices. Best of luck! :heart:

He should stay with gym that you both go to that way you can spend time. That should save money. Working late hours is so hard on a person I wouldn’t do it not worth in long run. Talk to him about your concerns. Plus go over your accounts/ budget see what you can cut?? Best of luck.

Trust him!! He trying to provide for your family. Make time for each other too! Trust him if he needs to work nights let him work nights maybe he can go to your gym so you can work out together some

Money not everything I know someone work all these hours and found out he was cheating on her. But they work out been married 50 years all I got to say

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Their is a site on here of all the affairs from gyms. Look it up. They put pic of who they caught them w. I stumbled upon it. Something like gym affairs. Move closer to ur man. Stop raising his family while he works. 1 work 1st 1 work 2nd for a little. life. Enjoy life! U r important also

Wanting him home in evenings to help raise his children is not being selfish if his working evenings is an option and not required. Explaining how you feel is sharing and trying to communicate. If he still does what he wants without discussing your concerns and trying to figure things out to help solve the family issue, he is no longer holding up his end of the family commitment. At that point it’s your decision whether you feel you wish to continue to let him be inconsiderate of your feelings, your relationship and family dual responsibilities…

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Just the fact that you are asking room full of strangers what their take is on this tells me that your intuition is telling you something is wrong. Relationships needs nurturing and if this is not a temporary situation you will grow apart and you can work for all the fancy things in life but that doesn’t bring happiness.

When you both do your very best to do what’s right. Follow God and I obey his Word and let it guide your life. You don’t have to worry about all these things. But when you dabble in sinful things such as porn, it causes mistrust.
Why don’t you both do the right thing and turn around. Seek God’s forgiveness. And enjoy each other from now on.

Talk to him here can help you.

Mine would never cheat not ever …and I believed that until I found out UT had been 3 years and she was a week out from having a maybe baby. I ignored every single sign and there were many…
Trust your instincts… If he is guarding his phone somethings up

First thought comes to mind… How much do you really need the money. Time spent with family is way more important unless you need money for living costs. Can you afford him not to take the night shift. Second. Did you decide these decisions together or was it all his changes. Why couldn’t he still work out with you and then go to work. What’s the difference of the gym on the way or doing it now with you then leaving and going to work. I would be suspicious. Taking a new job was probably essential an hour away is nothing a lot of people do that. I guess the last question. How much do you need the extra money that he needs to work nights. Is it essential for bills. Is it to save some money for future plans. A true relationship is working together. Making decisions together for the family. Sometimes having less but spending time with family is much more important. This is hard one. Could be nothing and he is really trying to get more money to help the family. But I see red flags. Especially because of the change of the gym. I don’t see the difference in that. Just seems he is the one making all the changes without consideration to what’s best for you and your family. Good luck.

Oh Mollie Cameron I am so sorry you have had a go through all of that. What he did is terrible. I hope and pray you are okay and you know how good you are. Don’t let him drag you down. There are wonderful men out there and someday you will find yours. :heart::heart:

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Very similar in many ways to my husband when he took a job in another city. In my case, yes, he wanted to be away from family responsibility but still have me “holding down the fort”…he did pursue other women. Your instincts are probably right.

So all you’re going to do by worrying it, is cause arguments and drive yourself and him crazy. Could be he’s doing exactly what he says he’s doing for exactly the reasons he’s saying he’s doing it. Better to just let it go and see how it goes. A change of routine does not always mean cheating. Always easy to suspect the worst. As far as the porn and your sex life, that’s something y’all need to discuss in depth or seek counseling. Kind of feeling like you both have a major communication breakdown here.

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I don’t think there is anything wrong with this situation. There needs to be space for independence in relationships. There should be sometime during the week where you can pencil in some “us” time but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with his choices. Perhaps it will end up being a good thing and allow you to pick up some new hobbies have some you time?

If something feels off it’s probably off.

Anyone telling her she’s just insecure, are wrong. Sometimes people can make these insecure feelings come out because they are doing shitty shit behind your back.

Trust your instincts sounds like you are trying to tell yourself a different narrative than your gut.

Just stop yourself. You are over thinking things. If he is making sacrifices to “make your dreams come true” and making more money, then that is what it is. I guess you could be with some loser that has no motivation or hustle.:woman_shrugging:t4: Also, maybe put on your big girl pants and straight up ask him, if he is doing anything intentionally? I can tell when my SO is lying. As for the porn? Meh… who cares. He is just looking. You may be creating issues where there are none. Don’t mean to be rude or gaslight you.

You should go to gym with him 1 day and make sure the gym he is working out at isn’t spelled JIM


Sounds like he is actually trying to make progress & sacrifice some stuff now for a better later…if both of you want the same thing yrs down the road…he’s probably crunched the numbers and figured out what yall need to make $ wise for it to happen…and he’s choosing to be the one to put in extra… possibly to save you from having to…idk how that could feel like being neglected…you are looking at this like he’s gonna be doing this forever and not just only for as long as he needs to…

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Sounds like he doesn’t really care anymore sadly. Why would he not want to spend time with you? I feel like something suspicious is going on, especially if he wants to do nights also.

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Talk to your pastor or close friend from church … also start praying for him and your marriage … War Room is a very good movie or read the book … also there’s the book Power of the praying Wife … HE will never leave you or forsake you… TRUST HIM :latin_cross:

Do your thing girl don’t be worrying about him. If he see your not bothered he soon want to know why act like you don’t care. See wot happens. Good luck.

I dont understand why this wasnt talked about before he took the job. A husband and wife should always discuss options. The pros and cons. I can feel its taking a toll on you.
I mean was he getting a pay raise to travel farther away to cover fuel expenses?
Offer to move to that area and sees what he says. If hes shooting down that idea or making excuses then something in his mind has possibly changed in your marriage. Communication is utmost important. He needs to consider how this choice is effecting his family. If it is about the money then he should be ok with the option of his family moving with him.

I think your being controlling maybe for selfish reasons. Weekends could still be gym time together and if y’all need the money for the life style your wanting then let that man provide that even if it means he has to work nights for the time being. Men watch porn that’s just what it is. A man watching porn isn’t the end of the world. Much rather him do that then pay for escorts. Not saying your husband would or does that’s something that you definitely be a problem tho forsure. I would say be more open and accepting of things you have to see the choices he’s making is to help keep you living the life you want.

Money is supposed to help with family time. But when it becomes the problem and in the way of family time it’s an issue. What’s the point in having it if u can’t enjoy it together.
Porn is fine until its a choice over sex. Somthing is up in ur communication u gotta fix this before he’s never home. But u can’t. Make it about you. a family is a team.and it’s working together that keeps it loving fun happy n forfilling.

He WANTS to work an hour away…goes to a whole different gym and now wants to work nights too…sounds like he is seeing someone else to me…but clearly that’s just me :woman_shrugging:t6:

My partner works away 2 weeks at a time n home 2 days every week. We have 7 kids together n one in the way. He use to watch porn n I found out told him it upset me and he stopped. Communication is defo important in a relationship. If I feel bit worried then I talk to him n tell him. He never use to listen but he does now it has taken time to get him to communicate and was difficult coz he never liked expressing himself but all changed now coz I sat down with him and talked about it. Maybe u need to make dates night once a month or something. Others on here are right don’t need to be with ur partner 24/7 or need to know their every move. Maybe something has happened at home to change everything ? Get a babysitter n have a night together and discuss it all and if he has any worries see if he will share them too

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Not me ! I’ve never been with anyone that didn’t cheat on me , though the guy I was in love with didn’t cheat on me in the short time we were together that I know of, but he cheated on someone else, so maybe I always would have wondered!!

Sucks having three kids and husband working 3rd been doing that for years now and daughter who is a senior says she feels like she never really had a dad

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Money isnt everythibg. Your relationship should be everything. Jobs end, ppl go bankrupt, and what you should have left if the worst was to happen is each other. He’s currently not nurturing the relationship which is a worry. Dint sacrifice what you need from a relationship.

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I ve learnt trust your gut instinct, my advice would be to concentrate on you and your own insecurities for you , wish you luck

It seems like he is trying to help provide a lifestyle you both want. And sometimes that means there are sacrifices. He has to work more and you have to see him less. It doesn’t mean it’s a permanent arrangement. I think you and him should figure out ways to make the most of the time you do have together and come up with ways for you to feel close.

As with the insecurity:

  1. has he ever given you a reason to think he would cheat? Because if not then your insecurity is going to hurt you both.

  2. you have to work on the insecurity on your own. No one can boost it for you. You have to learn to cope internally and externally. Maybe find a hobby you can do at home, burn a candle, meditate, etc. I hope this helps!

Huge red flags. This seems very wrong. Maybe show up at his gym to surprise him and workout together once in a while? From experience I would definitely feel somethings off with this kind of behaviour.

Sounds like he wants a LOT of me time and you are basically like a single parent
Kids need both parents
Sounds like he is trying to do things that allow him to not have to deal with family issues
Everyone has to work
Working out is a luxury when you have 3 kids.
They ARE a workout
Family should always be first over self
And money isn’t everything
Who cares about more money at the expense of breaking up a family ?
You didn’t sign up to be a single parent
And the porn is just more confirmation

The fact that he is making all of these plans and decisions without consulting you and/ or with zero regard for how you feel about it (after I assume you have voiced your concerns) and then flipping it around on you (making you feel guilty about money)… makes me think this is an emotionally abusive relationship.
His intentions may be pure and he may not be having an affair. But being concerned about how working opposites shifts and never seeing each other will affect your marriage is a very valid concern. It doesn’t make you insecure or needy. If he makes you feel like you are then he is gaslighting you.
It may be time to seek marriage counseling and if he won’t… start getting your ducks in a row to get out.

Well since it seems like he likes to make you feel guilty turn the tables. Ask him if money is more important than your family and marriage. And if he knows you have trust issues then he should be trying to make you feel more secure. I also have pretty bad trust issues and it’s no secret to people in my life so they always reassure me, not make me feel bad. So I can see why you’re suspicious and I’d feel the same way but just explain that he needs to consider your feelings. You can still follow your dreams, it’ll just take a little longer to save up. Money should never be more important than family.

You can’t lose what’s already lost… but honestly sometimes we over think things without realizing it…

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Go with your gut feeling. If there was nothing to worry about then I don’t think you’d be asking a social platform for advice. Your instincts are telling you something…

Find a huge sheet of paper and draw up a mind map showing pros and cons. You use one colour pen and he uses another. Use headings and show both objective and subjective thoughts. On paper is much clearer than in the head where thoughts go around and around. The map will show how you each see things. You both get a say without interruption. When it’s finished you can see what the real advantages as well as the negatives are and use this to move forward.

Was on board until you brought up porn. He is entitled to watch porn, there’s nothing wrong with it. You sounded the right amount of concern until then. That’s controlling behavior. If he’s watching porn maybe he needs more attention than you’re offering, which is a conversation between the two of you.

A lot of people here don’t realize the stress of having a spouse work the night shift. My husband I used to only see each other on Friday and Saturdays, and that’s if I didn’t have any other special plans… It was straining, we now both work the night shift. I know if I go back to daylight before him, I will feel the neglect again, and it’s not his fault… But I feel you. I wouldn’t worry so much about the gym thing… Just focus on your workout :grin: but I totally understand how switching to the night can flip a house upside down. Sometimes it’s not worth the sacrifice, money is important but so is time with family.

This screams insecurity for no reason. Youve got a man bending over backwards to make sure your family is taken care of and all you can do is throw a childish tantrum?! You need to let go of that narcissism and try being more supportive. You’re saying y’all are struggling but God forbid should he do what he has to to increase the income in the house and do something for him. Hell, if I was him I wouldn’t even come home if I had to deal with your petty childishness. Smfh

I work 40-50 minutes away from home (depending on which office I’m scheduled at), Mon-Fri & my husband’s days off are Mon/Tue. We make it work. Can you get up with him & drive to the gym separately? Can he meet you on your lunch break a couple times a week? Don’t get resentful because he’s going with the flow of life changes. You BOTH should be adapting & you’re clearly not. Assuming he’s cheating on you is a huge leap from what he’s actually doing, which is trying to make life easier in the future. Pay increase & it sounds like he’s aiming for success. I’d tell my husband to go for it & we’ll roll with the punches as they come, not assume he’s cheating. By the way, you’re pushing him away by accusing him of such things. Of course it feels like you’re losing him. :woman_shrugging:t2:

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I think u r not making yourselves a priority & u should explore alternatives. Maybe relocate where it is less expensive. There must be a way. Otherwise u will probably grow apart. What is most important? Lower ur standard of living a wee bit, at least temporarily. Good luck.

Acting insecure, jealous, needy and clingy will drive him away and you will lose him.

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Get a friend to go to the gym with dont be so dependent on him not healthy

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My dad used to work at a job with an hour commute, and would go to a gym closer to his job every morning. It was never an issue. My mom didn’t care, because she was secure in their marriage. It sounds like he’s trying to get some space because this post implies you’re incredibly clingy, needy, and insecure in your relationship and don’t trust him. He isn’t really doing anything wrong, he’s trying to make money and support his family, and sometimes it means sacrificing some home time to have a more comfortable future. Either offer to move closer to his job if it worries you so much, choose to trust him, or don’t and move on. Marriage is about compromise, and it sounds like you just want everything your way. If he also enjoys watching porn, why hold him back from that? That becomes controlling and is a red flag for him, it doesn’t mean he’s cheating, many people just enjoy it. It sounds like you two don’t know how to properly communicate with each other, and unless you work on that (since it’s clearly the real issue going on), nothing will change or improve. You both will have to compromise to get a happy medium, otherwise one will always be miserable. But to answer the base question you asked, yes you’re being selfish.

Sounds like you’re having a rough time and could benefit from therapy.

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Therapy would be nice individually and as a couple

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Geez- give the guy a break- tell him you’re willing to give it a try- for a specific amount of time- say 3 months & discuss what the criteria for ‘success’ would look like for each of you, so you have a way to measure how the change is actually impacting your relationship. Ask him- is making more money more important than time with you & your children? Because that’s how you make it sound; that YOUR issues & insecurities are the only important ones. You might be surprised by his answer. Remind him that his absence WILL co$t - if only in back-up childcare! Ultimately you have to ask yourself how much are you willing to bend? Is it equal to his? What ‘life$tyle’ is acceptable? How do your kids feel about this offer? Better get a ‘united front’ in place 1st ~

Get someone to stay with your children and follow him,see if hes telling the truth, then you will know, this is what I would do

Have you felt insecure about your marriage in the past or have these feelings presented since the change in his job?
Dreams can only come true from discipline and commitment by both parties. The road to those dreams can be exhausting and exhaustion can certainly manifest insecurities.
A man interested in and watching porn should not be a sign of thoughts of cheating. Men are voyeurs, excited by watching where for the most part, women are not. Please do not let what pleasure or release of daily frustrations porn brings him. Be confident and secure in yourself. Porn does not indicate his desire for another woman