Oh no that wouldn’t work for me. He better do something to make it better for you. I get the hard work part but he can’t do everything his way. Nope
Maybe time to make new friends at the gym? Sometimes it’s good to have your own space and time. I also met gym buddy who’s now my bestie and we can banter , shopping as much as we want.
YEP YOU BORE HIM HE HAS BRANCHED out he does not want to spend anymore time with you. YOU NEED TO SPY ON HIM WHO CARES IF ITS NOT A TRUSTING GESTURE I would spy find out then leave now BEFORE it goes on and on
If you are overly concerned check the bank balance. If its up he is working. If its down then you can have permission to worry. You both need to sit down and compromise on prioitising needs and wants
My husband works over an hr away…perhaps he needs to reacess the importants of family and give up spending so much time at a gym.
Well sounds like to me something isn’t right…because your asking questions…to complete strangers who know nothing about the behavior of your husband…if you suspect something is a miss…it is …you would know. Do you feel a tension between you… Did his behaviors change…your husband should not make you feel that way … regardless of the changes …as far as the porn…is he unhappy with the love making you do together…does he want to try something new? Maybe when he is away he does the porn to relieve the stress he feels…
If he’s getting up early to use a more convenient gym, is it worth losing time with his family. Getting a job an hour away and switching to nights? Been there. I eventually found out my now ex-husband was cheating. If hiring a detective to follow him would put your mind at ease, do it. Don’t call this woman paranoid, a wife “knows”.
Trust is everything. There is no Grey area. Either have it or Don’t. If you don’t that’s that.
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That’s a tough question to answer not knowing either of you. Whatever you do……don’t ask questions of him that sound like you don’t trust him. Just watch and listen. Knowledge is power; but not when you’re sharing it with the one you are suspicious of. I would definitely be suspicious, but don’t be stupid about it either. You don’t want to push him into doing what you think he might be doing already if he isn’t. The porn would bother me if he is hiding it.
He’s leaving early to see someone before work. He wants to work nights to have the excuse of staying in the other town during the week, spending the night with someone, or being able to have date nights. If he’s addicted to porn and has begun hiding it, that’s a huge clue and red flag, and maybe there’s no one else, but he wants time away from you so he can indulge in his porn and sexual gratification. In my opinion, these are all red flags, follow him one day, just make sure you follow far enough behind that he doesn’t see you. Rent a vehicle if you have to without him knowing. Or borrow a friend’s. Hire a private investigator if you can afford it. If he’s doing nothing wrong, then you have a clear mind and can apologize or never mention it. If he is cheating, then you can confront and get it out and figure out the outcome. You’ll have peace of mind. Otherwise you’re going to keep wondering and worrying about it so much that your marriage is going to be destroyed over it. Good luck…I hope I’m wrong, but you need to get your peace of mind to be able to go on.
How does he respond when you talk to him? Is he supportive, understanding, willing to make it work? Porn btw, is not ok.
I feel sorry for this man
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what about the kids ? future dreams are not worth them missing out on love now
You both should read the book
The Five Love Languages
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Tbh if he travels and hour but still stops to go to the gym then why can’t he go to the gym before he travels - it would make no difference what so ever - he does both either way.
Sorry but I would be askin why also!! xx
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Your reasoning sounds pretty selfish…seems that you’re most worried about him cheating & using “not spending enough time together” to rationalize those fears…
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Both of y’all have some stuff to work on obviously. You have to trust the person your with. In regards to the porn that is causing issues in your sex life that’s another discussion.
You sound like a nagging b!tch and I’d be cheating on you the same way he probably is. Your insecurities would annoy the hell out of me also and push me away, way far away. It’s not sexy to be so insecure. It’s actually pathetic and can imagine how it is to live with you. “Wahhhh… Who are you talking to?” “Wahhhh… Why were you at the store for 11 minutes longer than you said you would be!?” Etc… Can you really blame him for wanting to get away from you???
My husband works night and works away Monday-Saturday morning. we have been married 10 years and I’ve always been fine with it. We have 2 children also. It sounds like you both need to have a chat and you need to work on ur issues
Turn to God! He’ll never leave you nor forsake you! He loves you. He’s loyal!
My mom works like 2 hours away and works nights because of better pay. I get that you’re anxious, but talk to him instead of asking Facebook for help or call off work and follow him.
You have too much time on your hands, seems to me hes trying to build a good life for you, and all you can think about is yourself, a touch needy and clingy
Honestly, it sounds like it’s a you thing that you need to work on. You need to figure out why you’re feeling insecure…possibly an ex cheated on you in the past and that makes you insecure, possibly your SO has cheated before or had inappropriate chats with women, etc. I don’t personally see an issue and just see a man trying to make his gym time a little easier because of his hour commute to work. I see a man willing to sacrifice his time by going to night shift because you and him do have dreams and goals that you want to meet. It sucks. Big time. But you can make it work if you both put in the effort. My husband works roughly 70-75 hrs a week. 4 nights a week he leaves at 430am and doesn’t get home till 8-9 and only gets to spend a short time with our boys before they need to go to bed. We get a little time together before he needs to go to bed. 3 days a week he’s home at either 3 or around 5, so we make up for the time lost the days he’s pulling doubles. I’m a sahm and while we could still make bills if he worked just one job, we have goals and a lifestyle we want that requires him to work a pt job until our youngest goes to school next year and ai get a job again. I was hoping to get a job this year but couldn’t find a fulltime preschool for my 4 yr old so it just has to be this way for another year. We try to plan dates for ourselves, he makes sure to take the kids on some one outings and we do stuff together. If it becomes too much for him, me or the boys with missing daddy, then he takes a vacay/personal day off work. Only you can make yourself more confident and one way to do that is by trusting your spouse. If you can’t trust him then there’s bigger issues besides him working an hour away and going to a different gym.
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If it’s the lord will for you’s to have your dream that you wanted then he will provide for you no matter what but in the mean time these no need for running after the money like that goals take time not just over night
So from what you are saying it seems that you guys like to live the high life and maybe by him taking that extra nights will help him pay off (if any credit cards are being used). Sometimes people need to learn to live with what they got not what they don’t. Try spending less and maybe he won’t need to be out an hour away. As for the gym I always hated doing the couples thing. Maybe he couldn’t get the work out in that he wanted and he just can’t seem to find a way to tell you without you overreacting and creating false scenarios in your head about him cheating.
I would be less concerned about myself and more concerned that he would never get to see the kids…
It is fine wanting a better lifestyle and nice things for the family
But, Do you think it is worth it?
What do you prefer?
Do you prefer a better lifestyle or time with your husband?
Now, kids they need to have family time than a expensive toys
Think about it, make a list of your priorities, and talk About it with your hubby
I think the porn thing is VERY selfish unless he’s like actually showing actual compulsive/addictive tendencies with it. That would be an insecurity for you to work through. Like is it getting in the way of your sex life or is your insecurity allowing it to? Especially because if he didn’t hide it until you said you had a problem with it, that sounds less like compulsive behavior and more like you controlling his sexual exploration with himself, which genuinely isn’t your place.
But the rest of it–you’re allowed to express the needs you have in a relationship. The night shift thing for me would be a line if it meant really not seeing each other on many days out of the week. But at the end of the day it’s a question of will you leave if you’re unhappy? You can’t make him do anything. You can explain that having the “lifestyle” he wants means nothing if you don’t get to enjoy it together, and hope that he understands. But he gets to make decisions for himself at the end of the day, and you get to make them for yourself. I think it’s shitty that he isn’t considering your input on the work schedule thing, but at the end of the day you can only control your own self
Try counselling, if he refuses or it doesn’t work, pack your bags and kids and leave, or…pack his bags and tell him to leave. You are reasonable in what you are feeling and if he is neglecting that, then it’s time to move on.
This happened in my marriage - he wasn’t cheating, but it didn’t work…
Are you seeing an significant increase of income from him? How much is it costing to work farther away? Trust your gut.
Quality time together is more important than money. My opinion.
He’s trying to control you because he’s hiding something cuz otherwise he’d put his wife first before his job. He can get another job but not another wife (like you). He’s choosing to pull away from his family instead of saying, “well I’m going to do this instead of do that to be closer to my family.”
Hire a private investigator to follow him for 1 day… all your Q’s will be answered. I reckon he has a side chick. But don’t just wonder, find out once and for all.
Porn ? He’s already cheating hun. Listen to your instincts. I did and my goodness me it was all true and much much more.
Start looking for a place to move that is closer to his job.
An hours drive to work is nothing , changing gyms is a bit strange , maybe surprise him at the Gym one day …
Is it really that easy for so many people to judge this woman based off a single facebook post with probably very minimal detail (other than what we are wanted to know, mind you) in regards to her situation as a whole? Nobody knows if this couple has spoken about their issues behind closed doors–we really don’t know anything. So many people talking about her being “insecure” and “reading too much in to it” when these comments in themselves are reading way too much in to the post itself, assuming she is immediately at fault.
She asked for advice. Not to mention, she literally said “I know I’m insecure”. So what’s everyone do? “You are so insecure!!”. Yes. Lol. Let’s go ahead and tear this person down to the bare minimum, based solely off a single post compared to everything we DO NOT KNOW about her, her life, and her marriage.
Why is it we cannot just give some damn advice? Why is it that people just want to criticize and belittle and assume? Yeah, yeah, I know, that’s just what people do, yada yada yada. But still. It’s quite sad. I am sure she already feels bad enough. I am sure she is already ripping herself a new one. Just because she asked for public opinion, doesn’t mean anything. Maybe she just wanted to see or hear what other people have experienced. Maybe she doesn’t have anyone else to really turn to. And that’s okay.
A lot of people like to make more money and also have some time to themselves.
My husband works night 
45 mins way , we get 2 hrs in morning b4 he go down for nap and when he get work we text until I go sleep … well I want get part time job found one just get me out house to be truthful way from my 1.5 yrs old for just little put in app …well day later he got opportunity to make $17 a hrs up 45 hrs week about hr way but it be 12 pm to 9pm and I wouldn’t be able take job if the job calls me bc we don’t have babysitter … we got into it bc he want let it pass him by so I can work get out of the house 
, I only be making 7.25 and doing part time so my money only be for spending not bills, i told him his take care this family I want get out ,get way from the baby for day for cpl hrs just do me if he can give me that I be happy , he said he work on that bc that was agreement when I had the baby said yes being full time mom , .
My point is we have do what we got do help our families out , if it me not working ,then I not going work , if it u guys having make weekends one day family time next date night , then that what u all have to do , if u feel he cheating not doing it for family then video chat him at odd times see if he answer , put tracker on this phone there alot ways find out if he is or isn’t
I work 12 hr night shifts. Barely see my husband and we are just fine. Lmao. I think your making something out of nothing…
Yeah, his activity is very suspicious. He probably has a side chick.
- You’re suffocating. 2. Men watch porn. It’s normal. 3. He might be cheating and if he’s not, the way you’re acting, he will be. 4. If the commute is an issue, move closer to his job. Instead of complaining about the situation, look for ways to make it easier… compromise.
Praying for you, your husband and family.
Husband need to give time to the marriage and kids - I mean actual time .
Cathy Anderson is right listen to what she is saying
I would.offer to get a full time
Job it would mean he does not
Have to change jobs
It’s honestly only a thing because you feel insecure in the relationship in the first place ; explore why you feel that was and solve that insecurity
You just wish he does not read any of this… You gave him tons of ideas
Money isn’t everything. What’s more important, your family or your lifestyle? Ask him that question.
Listen to your guts feelings. I think he hiding something. I mean, why not come home and than go to the gym… idk…
So he prioritizes “his lifestyle” over seeing his kids, that says enough.
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If I was concerned, I would find out what he’s doing. Go take a look.
Who of us really know… it’s making me though look at my own marriage and realise all marriages can benefit from regular marriage therapyor a marriage course and/or one for parenting for that matter if have children. Like maintenance for our car, or a physical check up to keep things running well.
If you keep acting like a little insecure girl then you going to lose him don’t be stupid…
Personally I would say it’s not necessarily suspicious. Ask him to figure out how long that will be working nights. Not everyone can handle being without their partner for longs periods of time. I still have a sex drive and even if I were married I would want to not only have sex more than what it sounds like it will be I would want the emotional support and affection especially being constantly around children and never have time for myself or adult time. The whole porn thing couldn’t make me yawn more…. Be happy that’s what he’s doing rather than cheating… why is it even an issue? That is the only real part I see you being strange about besides the working out thing. I don’t know how that could really be quality time. You need to maybe set aside time for yourselves without kids for at least one or two days a week . You might have to lose a little sleep so you can see eachother same as him. Right out your schedules and figure out time to see each other. You can make it work if you both try and want to. If there’s anything else that is actually shady I would bring it up sooner than later. No point in worrying and building something up in your head that might not be an issue. Decide what you’re willing to sacrifice. Figure out if you can compromise on something to give more time together. If he acts weird about it and just pushes it on you without anymore talk then it’s a red flag. He needs to at least show he cares. This is such a different world from what I live in. But I get wanting and needing time with your partner. Stop worrying about porn and focus on how he acts. How he treats you and what he’s willing to bend on for you. If you start acting crazy he’ll get mad and defensive because he feels attacked. On the other hand if you tell him calmly and nice in a serious conversation and he acts strange then it might be a bit of an issue. So, jumping to conclusions is a bad idea. But if he is short with you reluctant about the topic and/or overly pushing it… you need to ask more questions…. not as an attack but as finding out why and what if any is the issue. You could ask him not to change hours for the time being cause it won’t work for you but that you know at some point he might have to. I know one thing about life it’s all about time and how you want to spend it and in one way you have all the time in the world but in another you can’t get it back. So, is it important for him to make more now? Or can it wait? Is it worth it? And will he get another offer later like it or a better paying job that’s closer by? If he can I would start looking now for him and help him if he agrees. If he can’t that’s one thing if he doesn’t even consider it if he doesn’t have a good reason not to… that’s another red flag. Depends on a lot of things…. Job security, Pay, promotion, vacation pay/time off, insurance, ability, availability and cost of doing so like travel and so on. Don’t try to micromanage him or anyone. It’s not healthy for anyone and it pushes people away. No one likes being controlled and constantly accused of things especially if they’re working their butt off for you. If you want to do something get him a thoughtful gift and start dressing up more when he sees you. Remind him (without words) what he could lose not what he’d be gaining if he got rid of you or lost you. Let him see that you can be happy and that you still love him without smothering him with guilt or being overly clingy when you have time with him. He’s your husband so he’s not going to like the change in your actions if you start hanging on him like a tree monkey. All while one minute being sweet and the next frantic and questioning his every move.
WTF you posting something like this for? Treat him like a husband. Watch the P with him, practice it & give him the regular workout he needs. It’s your attitude that sucks, or not.
pop up on him one day at the gym or the job it will unfold
Talk to him & not FB about your concerns.
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Assumption is a motherfucker…
Speak calmly to one another. Like adults, I’m sure you can resolve it?
Good luck. X
Trust your instincts
Trust your gut feeling.
Have him followed. Thats the only way you will find out
An hour away three kids the gym and a full time job. My hat goes off to yall
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So his gym is on the way to his job? So maybe it’s a 30 minute drive for you? Join his gym and meet him there.
What cost your dreams? you could lose all.
Watch porn with him…it will help your sex life. The rest is just your insecurities.
This sounds like a dream honestly !
Call the gym say your checking your husbands balance.
Girl go to that other gym with him even if it’s an hour away.
Hire a detective if you are that concerned…
Example: my ex accused me constantly of cheating and I never did in the two years we were together but all the constant badgering and mean toxic things he did including threats to my friends combined with him saying I would never find anyone else after him cause I’m almost 40…. Well, after a certain point all it made me want to do was either actually cheat on him if he was going to punish me anyways for something I haven’t done. And it went beyond screaming in my face. I lost trust and respect for him because he had none for me….it makes you question their faithfulness and why they keep pushing the issue when there’s been nothing to show you’ve done anything like that?You literally are killing the love in your life if you are accusing someone of things with no evidence or reason to think such things at that point. Unless there is a past discretion and any proof or real reason why you should worry. If you married him you have a certain amount of trust (unless you have a real good reason not to) and you should respect that trust as he does you. The first thing I notice is if someone is less affectionate and pulls away when it’s given. Or is overly affectionate starts buying you gifts and treating you extra nice to the point it’s really out of character. Doesn’t want sex or wants a lot of sex suddenly and wants to try new things that he didn’t like before and wasn’t willing to try. Suddenly brings up wanting to have another kid or something he thinks will tie you together more and make you feel more secure while he thinks you’ll take it as doubling down that he loves you where it’s just a destruction and yet sex still seems forced with no real connection (if it changes suddenly out of character).you can tell when someone is distant and cold even when they try to pretend to be normal. The tone in their voice goes flat their kiss has no passion and their touch isn’t as loving as it’s more just sexual in nature, or is more just friend like, if at all. If it’s constant excuses for these things and for why he spends less and less time with you at home when you know he should be free…. Let’s say he randomly leaves for over an hour or more and if he isn’t answering when you call and is vague and brushed off where he went as fast as he can to try to shut the topic down. Then starts to get irritated and angry - short with you- if you bring it up again when it’s happened again. Then you have to look at the pattern and changes. it’s not a every so often thing where he left his phone in the car thing. Or say he starts paying a lot more attention to the kids and seems to avoid being alone with you or talking to you about anything that has to do with the future, your relationship or what he’s doing if he falls off the grid in a consistent manner for no explainable reason. If you start to invade his privacy you need to call it done. You shouldn’t be with someone that you trust so little it’s not good on either end. And it’s very toxic and not good for the kids. Hold your respect for his privacy even if you feel he may be abusing your trust. Looking for big sudden changes if it’s a concern really showing it’s not just insecurity but actually cause for it. Basically he could seem happier than normal but not necessarily towards you. Or just acting like a robot when it comes to you and even the kids maybe. Someone who wants to leave will start to distance themselves from any ties or act overly giving and nice like buying the kids toys for no reason so they can win them over and have more chance at custody. Or asking to take you to a fancy restaurant and dress up nice to soften the blow when you find out or they call it off… they might give you flowers, jewelry or sexy clothes that you wouldn’t normally wear. So if you don’t like it he can give it to her or so he can over compensate for acting strange to get you to stop asking questions. If you can put them together it’s one way or another and it will be out of character if there is an issue. If he won’t give his exact hours or if he won’t tell you a pay change then call his job find out if those times he said he was working match up. Only if he makes it very obvious. But I wouldn’t go any farther. If you can’t find any proof, reason or change big enough to support it then it’s you pushing him away. And you should do everyone a favor and either admit you’re being unfair and hurting your family change how you treat him in any way needed… apologizing for being irrational and try to rebuild the trust by stopping what your doing or leave him, divorce him if you refuse to make changes in yourself that you know will not stop and will only hurt everyone more in the end. But, as is you sound like you might be borderline.
Stop wanting stuff. Be a family.
U need to talk to him not fb
All men watch porn. 
Watch it with him spice things up instead of getting upset about it 
Go get some counselling
Tell him to forget it. Money is not that important.
If you feel he is cheating he probably is, make a surprise visit
Yeah he’s got something going on…
This man is gaslighting you lol. He’s definitely hiding something 
You Already Lost Bab.Face it .I’m Sorry to Say this.
Communication is key! Have you told him how you felt about any of this??
Have you ever watched porn with him? I had never really watched porn until I got with my boyfriend I mean hell I left my (almost) ex husband because of his porn addiction that he wasn’t willing to acknowledge. I still get insecure sometimes but I’m alot better than I use to be.
Also, one must decide what’s more important: money or family.?
He’s seeing someone on the side
You’re not losing him he’s already gone
How badly do you want the “dream”?
2 words: FOLLOW HIM. Either that or hire a PI!
You sound so controlling 
Yes, you’re being selfish & your insecurity could be the second main thing (after the promotion & increase in pay) that makes him not mind being away more. Married life with full-time jobs & kids & aspirations requires a lot more coordination that dating & being 1.5 working people with no kids or real responsibilities.
As to the porn, offer to watch with him; maybe he’s also bored with the same old routine.
Make his return home a time that you & the kids can show him how special he is to you all & show how much you appreciate all that he is willing to give up to make what it will take to give the family the things you 2 want for it — probably including putting 3 kids through college & giving them wheels, etc.
If you see tell-take signs of funny business later on, talk to him then. It doesn’t sound like he’s earned your distrust yet. Don’t push him into being even more distant or unhappy at home. Give him a little space.
I’ve driven an hour in Houston to get to a job or a client. To be willing to drive round trip to another town every day (instead of staying there during the week) shows that his family is important to him.
My alarm bells are going off.
Have one of ur friends get one of their friends they can trust to hit him up or go to the gym where he’s working out n strike up a conversation w him see how he carrys himself if he acts right like he should or if he would b ready to cheat 1st chance he got people call it insecurities but when something makes u have a thought like that or sets off a red flag it eats at u and your heart has to know for itself it’s not like ur setting him up any random woman could at anytime hit on him I’d wanna know what he would do just be ready for the worst then it will be a relief if he acts right and won’t be as devastating as almost being sure he wouldn’t and then him go for it that’s a state of shock n disbelief pain n anger all those feelings at once you don’t know what to do or how to feel ur left sitting in shock n heart hurting so bad ig you just kinda go numb trying to sort out ur emotions one at a time but should be even think about taking the bait and not come home n tell u all about it save urself yrs of ur life u can’t get back once there gone because if it was someone you sent he doesn’t know it so theres the only way ur hearts gonna know for sure sister!! Nobody’s opinions can make u feel better only way to know is “TO KNOW” ya I’ve been called crazy by few flying monkeys but they all knew I knew what the hell I was talking about of course ur gonna be made out to be the one setting him up/ trying to trip him up line of bulsht but if he was right go start with with you he couldn’t be set up or trapped or any of the rest of that crazy sht be smart + cut out alot if stress and worry n feeling like ur losing ur mind feeling guilty trying to overcompensate all while their cheating n ur face n coming home and most of the time accuse u because it eats at ther mind how they would feel or react if u just happen to maybe be doing what they been doing or planning on doing and that’s a miserable life that makes u hateful n resentful and that’s how the snap show came to be lol good luck but don’t be stupid never over look a red flag and life will get better for you
Do you guys ever read posts by someone and realize they’re in the wrong 
? This is one of those times
Do your due diligence.
You already lost hem now go find yourself.tell hem good by
Ask to share locations on your phone so you feel “safer or less stressed” and if you see extra money going into the bank he’s definitely working…if not he’s not 
He’s cheating for sure.
Sounds like male Menopause
Nope I don’t think u are being selfish at all.
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Try being less codependent