I’m the same way. I work 30 minutes from home, and attend a gym up there. Is easier and more convenient. My husband is not suspicious and I’m there sometimes for 2 hours. But I communicate with him while I’m there. Maybe have you husband do that. I wouldnt be suspicious. And he is a little right about the money to make your dreams come true. Either put up with a man with not a lot of money but that’s home all the time and stay where you are. Or put up with not seeing each other as much, not ever just not as much but you have the life you guys dreamt go together. I do think you need to talk with him though
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If he wants to cheat he would regardless of different work town or gym. I don’t see any issues here except he should acknowledge your feelings and try to work on what’s gonna make you feel better!
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Sounds to me like you’re extremely insecure, looking for something to accuse him of, and a bit on the controlling side… You’re not teenagers in high school who need to see each other every day… you’re adults and unfortunately the way the world is right now not everything is normal so adjust with things or risk losing your relationship
Maybe it’s time for some counseling to help you sort out why you feel so insecure.
Also,maybe your gut is trying to tell you something, need to pay attention to it.
Best wishes
What’s the wifes job?
Maybe she could get a better one to level the pay out making it so he doesn’t feel like he has to work this job or himself to death to get by or maintain the lifestyle you want.
Not enough information honestly.
It could be he’s doing what he feels is best for the family or it could be he feels overwhelmed and the extra driving time gives him space to relax and have some just him time.
I think the problem is that you miss him and it’s upsetting you and changing the dynamic of the household.
He works further away, so more time away from you and the kids. The one activity that was a couple bonding time has been taken away. He is working more hours for more money, so additional time away. All the while, you are also working and you have an additional 3 small humans that require attention and love and maintenance and so does your household. And the porn is probably because your schedules don’t match up, so he needs to find release at some point, as do you. And you are feeling neglected and hurt and that is causing your insecurities to skyrocket. And because you two are parents, you have to share the love and time with your kids and each other, so you’re feeling emotionally unfulfilled.
Honestly, I would have a serious talk about the priorities and lifestyle you wish to have and how you can BOTH contribute and change. In my own relationship, I have such an issue (and it has cause many an argument) when my SO takes additional hrs on the weekend to get a bag $, because that is literally the only two days we have to be with each other and maintain the home and now it is cut short. Believe it or not, attention is very much important to a relationship, and clearly the lack of is what is messing you up. You have to remember that time is the most valuable currency we have, and we can never get it back. Do you want to spend it working more, getting more money and spending less quality time with your SO and kids? Just something to think about.
Too many people on here assuming the worst. Maybe just try taking the reasons he’s given you as full honesty at face value. Dudes watch porn, get over it. He’s probably working out by himself. If you need the money, he’s working later to get it. Kids and houses cost money. Y’all act like you’ve never had bills.
The basis of a healthy relationship is trust. Clearly you do not trust your husband. That’s a problem.
So I think step 1, before any other step, is to figure out how that trust can be reestablished. What can he do that will regain your trust in him?
Enjoy to days apart. It’s like your personal day off. After dropping off the kids. No one is around you can sleep late, clean the house. Do your work or workout call up your friends to have a coffee and chat. I did this once in my life? after the kids went to school I could make a list and get stuff done. When the kids needed me I was stuck driving them to so many places. So, enjoy your quiet time. If he wants to have a date night, you call the shots. If he wants to work let him, You are worried about him, that is Ok too!
Get a sitter, follow him one day, check out his track!
Trust your gut and act.
Sometimes if you have to ask you already know, and Sometimes you’re just being ridiculous…
Why are you still with him? Own your own power and wake up. Move on
A lot of this is you being over dramatic and having clear trust issues be careful not to push away a good spouse because of your uncertainties
If there is no trust … there is no relationship
Tell me? Is he a secret agent also? Or a pilot?
Sounds fishy to me!!!
Leave him. This is not good
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Try blowing him instead of bitching at him as a starting point and go from there
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Personally would find spending time together as a family far more important than extra income… would also want to be with someone who equally wanted to be with me.
He sounds like he just wants to earn more money. With three kids that’s not surprising. Sometimes life gets in the way of dream life. But it is hard on you. You may need to be more independent. Get some new interests.
Sounds sketchy to me. You’d be best to find out what’s up especially with the porn thing. My opinion.