Am I being sensitive about my husbands comment toward the cleanliness of our house?

I am a SAHM of two littles. My husband works full time, and to be honest; I’ve been a little lax when it comes to deep cleaning the house lately (dusting, cleaning junk drawers, etc.). My depression has just made me feel like an uninspired blob, and some days it’s all I can do to take care of the kids. I also get grossed out by some little things like deep cleaning the fridge or dusting the mounted deer heads that he has to have in the basement. Old foodstuffs or dried-on food legitimately makes me vomit, but that DOESN’T mean I don’t do it when necessary. My husband made a remark yesterday that kinda cut deep, and I don’t know if I just feel guilty or if he was insensitive. He said, "You don’t clean well enough, don’t dust, and can’t clean a fridge without puking. Is there anything about being a woman that doesn’t gross you out? "I wasn’t sure how to answer, and it’s been bothering me since. I know I need to step it up at keeping the house cleaner, but it just seemed weird that he would bring my being a woman into it. Am I too sensitive?

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You are not wrong for being sensitive about it. It was rude on his part to say what he said to you.

You are DEFINITELY not being too sensitive about it. “Being a woman” isn’t just about cleaning in a frenzy 24/7, and his comment was way far over the line. Sounds to me like you need to sit down and have a heartfelt discussion with him, AND tell him specifically how much his comment hurt you. Plus, you have depression on top of that? Is he so self-centered he doesn’t realize comments like that are only going to make your depression worse, and could lead to worsening conditions? He may be your husband, but he doesn’t sound like very much of a partner… and marriage is supposed to be a partnership.

You should complain too. Why isn’t he doing it either?

No. You are not being sensitive. You’ve already mentioned depression, that is a REAL mental health disorder. It could also be an underlying symptom of others. Please for yourself seek some help.
I was once a stay at home wife and I just COULD NOT HANDLE IT AT ALL but had no idea why until my spouse got me the help I needed and didnt know i needed it.
I hope you get better and please do not blame yourself.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I being sensitive about my husbands comment toward the cleanliness of our house?

Ummm I would go in strike. I wouldn’t do a damn thing other than make sure your kids are cared for. Don’t do his laundry, don’t cook for him, don’t do anything to make things easier on him. When he complains say is there any part of being an adult your good at? I’m petty though.

What the actual misogynistic fuck is he talking about… If he’s so bothered he can step up and help too. You’re both adults and he needs to understand that your job as a mom is hard too. Yes there will be days when the house look crazy but that’s life. At least your kids are happy and cared for. Bigger picture is what counts.

Tell him do it himself. You have a full time job having kids too

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You aren’t intuitive enough, don’t ask what could be wrong, and can’t communicate without being an ass. That’s what I would have said to him.

Cleaning has nothing to do with being a woman. Tell him to be a man and help!

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Why is it the woman’s job to do all the housework? You’re not his mom, you shouldn’t have to clean everything up without his help. He lives in the house and uses things too. Just because he works and you stay home doesn’t mean he shouldn’t pitch in. You’re doing your job as a stay at home mom by taking care of your kids. Housework gets done when you have time or the kids are playing. I’m a stay at home mom too, by the way. If he doesn’t like how you keep up the house tell him to hire a maid or do it his damn self. I’m sorry you’re husband is a man child and you have to deal with him.

Becoming a parent is just full of gross you just have to dig in and get it done.

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Throw the whole man away.

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Depression sucks but dont let his ass hole mouth make you feel like any less of a woman. Tell him to do it if it bothers him so. You have babies to care for.

Hire a cleaning lady, even if it’s every other week for heavy cleaning!

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I sat down and talked to my husband I told him when my depression gets bad I need help. He lives there to I know he works all day but so do you. I would tell him how you felt about what he said and listen for his response tell him about the Depression if he has anything to say that isn’t nice then put him in the trash. You deserve someone who understands

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That’s such a disrespectful comment, I was once told to hurry and get sleep so I could get up and do absolutely nothing the next day… wow :flushed: talk about just cut dry disrespect… I would say do what you can and , self care so you can better yourself and those babies! :hibiscus:

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If it bothers him that bad, tell him to help out! You’re taking care of two children and dealing with depression (which is hard enough, I have it as well).

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Then he can hire “a woman” to come do the cleaning so that you can focus on your children. That’s what I do. I can’t even run a vacuum and my youngest is screaming in terror until he gags. His comment was rude and sexist.

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Just plain and simple tell him to shut the F** or do it him self ! I do to my kids dad lol :joy:

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I wasn’t aware cleaning was only a woman’s job…

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Tell him if it bothers him to do it himself :woman_shrugging:

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if he wants it a certain way, tell him to do it himself. :woman_shrugging:t3: otherwise shut up about it.

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I’m a wahm and lately my depression got me good. My house is upside down. My husband he has stepped up and he complained but he did the dishes 2nd week now after work, he cleans the poop cloth diapers, cleans the living rooom and he comes home with a coffee and tells me to feel better. He cares a lot about me and my health. He knows I try hard and he knows I try my best even if I don’t always get everything done he gets it done for me to have a better day tomorrow.

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he doesn’t like it? Bring his ass home and do it himself. Good lord ladies, do you think it’s 1850? Are you indentured servants? Damn

He’s just as capable of cleaning as well. Just because your a sahm doesn’t mean that all you do is clean all day and have hours upon hours to sit on your hands. My husband did this to me but not until after we lost our baby. I went into a heavy depression. It was bad. We’re both in therapy and its been helpful. But even before all of it even though he worked full time and sometimes even over time he still helped with household work and lawn care. He does his own laundry. I never have to touch the mop, he does that. He doesn’t believe for a moment it’s a woman’s job". So he’s being absolutely disrespectful and you’re going to have to confront him. Still at times my husband thinks I don’t clean bc we have older children who have chores and I have to constantly remind him I do, I maintain the cleanliness bc our 6 and 4 year olds are absolute savages. But he’d like to claim I’m not watching them good enough. Sorry I’m not a helicopter parent and yes I do go downstairs to do laundry and all heck breaks loose. Don’t get me started with “dusting”. WTF. Who actually can do that with these demons? That’s something I swear only older folks do once the kids leave the nest.

Is he fulfilling every single aspect of being a man including bomb ass dick? I bet not no man is perfect and no woman is either tell him to do it his fuckin self if he got a problem men act like taking care of kids isn’t a fulltime job but cuz we dont get paid and they do they dont have to do shit around the house luckily my man ain’t like this he has his lazy days but will help whenever I ask tell him to shove it

I take it that since he’s a man and works all day outside the home, he doesn’t have to help around the house? He has a clock in and out job and you’re on duty 24/7. Sadly many people don’t get the fact that their little digs are hurtful and they do not inspire others to try any harder. I hope things improve for you. Remember you have to take care of yourself to be able to take care of others…

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with a comment like that I’m pretty sure I’d tell him he’d do a much better job of being a woman, and put on my work boots and go mend a fence or take out the garbage or some “weekly or monthly” thing men do, to feel like men. And expect high praised for that mess.

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I don’t suffer from depression, but when my house is messy it makes me anxious. His comments were definitely uncalled for.

I think that the problem to worry about here is depression, I recommend that you seek help from a professional, talk to your husband, tell him how you feel and that you would like him to support you, mental health is as important as physical health.

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I don’t know what being a women has to do with cleaning the house? Yes being a SAHM you do a lot of housework, but your job is stay at home MUM, not stay at home cleaning lady. Keeping your house in order should be joint responsibility.

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Nah if he wants it clean he can get off of his ass and do it.

The misogyny is coming from inside the house

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First off, I know it gets hard to do the simplest things when you’re down, it’s okay. Everything isnt going to burn down if you dont do it now. Take your time, take care of you for your family. They want and need you. Second, I’m a working father with a SAHM and i do understand that alot of the time when you come home to a dirty house, it can seem unfair to us, I personally have to remind myself that mama has a busy day too but sometimes even i forget. Talk to him about how you feel and go from there. You dont have to take it alone, let him know so maybe he can help in any way he can

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Tell him being a stay at home mom isn’t easy and sometimes you get overwhelmed, so maybe instead making remarks,he should pitch in and help. Just because he works, doesn’t mean you DON’T… Hell sometimes being a stay at home mom is harder than actually having a 9- 5!!

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I did the stay at home mom thing, for 7 months. I had a newborn and was doing homeschooling with my other two kids when covid hit! My boyfriend worked 40 plus hours a week, so even having PPD I still forced myself to make sure the house was clean, so he came home to a clean home and didn’t have to deal with the cleaning and some nights I’d even have supper done. But most nights, he wanted to cook dinner… now we both have 40 plus hour weeks and before he goes into his shifts, he cleans the house so I can spend the evening with the kids and cook dinner. If you were working it would be a different story, but if you
Clean your fridge daily and things like that, you wouldn’t have the gross fridge stuff or food stuck on surfaces. The women comment shouldn’t of been made, but I would get irritated as well coming home to that stuff, that takes 10-15 minutes a day depending on how much you have.

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Your feelings are completely valid! I think it’s hard for men to understand that being a SAHM is a full time job and they also help make the messes, therefore, they are also able to clean and help tidy the household. Keep your chin up. You’re doing your best :heart:

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Tell him to trade places!

Get help for your depression then clean.

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Tell him that if he doesn’t like it. He can do it. A household is TWO people. He can help you. Being a stay at home mom is a job too! Thankfully in my household, my bf and I both clean!

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If he was a single man working full time or not, do you think he would keep it as clean as he expects you to???

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When a husband works and pays the bills then yea it’s expected for a wife to do the housework. Men like a clean house. If the man has to help with the housework them get a job and help pay the bills

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I never dust. Clean as I feel up to it and my motto is if it bothers you then you the one who should do it.

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We all have our moments you need to talk to him he can help you to. Him working full time doesn’t mean anything I work full time and still come home cook and clean. Don’t let him get you more down

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His comments just make your depression worse. :disappointed:

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He can help clean full time work or not. I work full time and take care of my home. No excuse just bc you work all the time. Being with kids day in and out is exhausting. I choose to work, also bc I have to. But I find being with the kids more exhausting that’s why I’m on day 14 straight.

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Screw the damn house and get that depression taken care of. He is able bodied and its his house too so he can clean too.

What does being a woman have to do with cleaning? His remark was uncalled for. He could have approached you in a different manner. But the main concern is your depression. Please seek help.

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I dunno I’m a a sahm and my house is clean u can’t even tell I have kids. I just do it cuz I mean I’m at home that’s my “job” to me anyways. If I worked all day and came home and shit wasn’t tidy I’d be pissed haha. That’s just me.

Ummm he’s a sexist jerk, he’s able to help working or not. Sorry that would have set me off and I would’ve lost it on him. That being said depression is hard, maybe have a frank conversation about how your mental health effects things. If you’re home alone with the kids that’s also a job and once he gets home responsibilities should be shared.

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Im praying for you hon for your depression.having depression can cloud and darken everything. See your dr for your depression.when you start feeling better it all looks better.take care of yourself.

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Why do you have stuff rotting in your fridge that makes you gag. That says everything anyone needs to know about your cleanliness or house keeping abilities.

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First off
He would of been hand all the cleaning supplies and told of he can do it better have at it!! Does he know you are depressed? Does he care? Depression is debilitating if not treated. See a doctor and see what they can do for you. Self affirmations and meditation may help you. Good luck!

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I think you need to address your depression first of all, then you might have a better frame of mind to be able to figure out the house work. Do you ever have a chance to get out and do something nice for yourself? Something like a mother’s day out? You have to take care of yourself too.

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Why don’t you wear a mask and gloves when you clean

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Give him a day care bill for the kids, how old are the kids? Could they have small chores? (Picking up their toys etc) I’m kinda torn tho… he’s the only breadwinner yet should help out as well.
His comment was out of line for sure.
As far as puking over old food… what do you do when you have to change a poopy diaper or clean up your kids vomit?

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If he has two arms and a heartbeat he is also capable of cleaning. Sure those kind of things are gross to clean (mask with essential oil and thick gloves- accessible to both of you)…
Having little people is a full time job, there will always be something you didn’t get to. You’re not his mother. You’re his team-mate… Sounds like he isn’t meeting you halfway with chores, that regardless still need doing by someone

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Cleaning out old food and dusting is not what makes you a woman! It’s not incrusted into our DNA to clean the house. I’m not a STAH mom anymore but my husband and I share those responsibilities … infact he insists on cleaning the kitchen which involves cleaning out the refrigerator.
With little ones it can be hard to take care of yourself. Please reach out to your provider for help and questions about your depression. If your youngest is less than a year old it could be postpartum depression which gives you higher More severe levels of anxiety on top of the depression.

Sometimes it takes a village to run a household. You need to find yours … bc your husband ain’t it. Sorry.

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You gotta get a routine. And some cool cleaning supplies (if you’re sensitive to smells put a smear of Vix Vapo rub under your nose and wear a mask. You won’t smell anything but Vix). There are areas that I hate cleaning too. Bathrooms are the worst in my opinion :unamused: And once you get a kind if routine (dishes, breakfast, make bed, pick up living room, etc.) and do it every day it won’t be so hard after a while.

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Thats all he associates women with, being housekeepers, cooks, laundries, etc.

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What a shitty thing for him to say to you! My husband wouldn’t dare say that to me because he knows he would be the one doing ALL the cleaning for the foreseeable future in addition to his full-time job! I am a SAH mom as well and have been dealing with depression as of late, but I’ll be damned if I’ll be spoken to like that! (For the record, however, my husband does help out around the house. I’m a lucky girl!)
Maybe you should communicate your feelings to your husband. 🤷

Ok full :stop_sign: stop… he said “anything about being a woman” he sounds sexist and completely like he feels it is a women’s job to clean… it is a partnership. Does he make messes ? Does he eat? Dirty dishes ? Etc. he needs to contribute. Period. It is not a woman’s job. My guess is he moved on straight from mommas house to relationships. He never had to take care of himself. He expects women to because he feels it’s their job. If he isn’t your support system he’s part of the problem. There are different ways to go about things. And being derogatory isn’t a way to make someone want to be productive.

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Well if he works full time he can pay to have the kids in daycare or pay for a cleaner once a week, my babies dad brought up hiring a cleaning to help me out, didnt need it, but nice to know he saw it as ways to help rather then having a go.

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He’s an ass, because in a healthy relationship even if there isn’t anything wrong with you that isn’t the way to communicate that he has an issue with things. If you’re overwhelmed and have a little disposable income consider paying someone to deep clean once a month to help you out and consider doing it at work omitting that you got help. Don’t lie about it, but he clearly doesn’t want the details about how things are getting done he just wants them done. It’s a quality of life issue. If that made gives you even 1 hour of me time it could make you feel a million times better and help your relationship. But I still think he needs a hard look in the mirror. Whether you’re a stay at home parent or not, there is definitely a certain amount of cleaning up after himself and his children that he should do. Balance is important

Hell no you’re not being to sensitive!! That kind of attitude towards his wife and mother of his children is despicable. And definitely not going to help with your depression- if anything going tonmake it worse. You’re doing a fantastic job with whatever you are able to do!

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In my house, I do have the typical housewife role while he works. I know it’s my responsibility to deep clean and what not. When I don’t do the fride and he does, I feel guilty. He will tidy up after himself but he’s not about to switch the loads or do the dishes without being asked. But I’d be pissed if he ever said something like that to me. He knows I won’t ever let it go too far but he has dropped hint sometimes

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The fact that your husband said that alone means he thinks women should be subserviant. Leave. He doesn’t have any respect for women.

Yea bc cleaning house is just part of being a woman :roll_eyes:

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About Being a woman? WTF
What about housecleaning is about being a woman.
What a chauvinist. Hell no.

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It’s a negative comment. He could’ve asked how he could help you instead of tear you down.

I suggest counseling and therapy. You two need to talk to one another about everything going on. You about your depression. Him about how he can help even if he works full time. It doesn’t excuse him from helping. When he worked full time before marraige he cleaned his own home, didn’t he? Can still help. And you don’t make a nasty comments expecting positive results, especially if he’s paying attention to your moods and such.

And to everyone saying send him a bill, that’s toxic too. Stop sinking to the level. Acknowledge what’s been said and find a way to solve the problem together.

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He should be helping you. Just bc u stay home with kids and he works does not mean you do everything. Once he’s gets home from work all responsibilities should be shared. I would have went the f off.

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Then he should fucking pitch in!!! I don’t give a damn how many hours he works. If you are struggling he should pick up the slack or help you navigate the problem and motivate you

The woman comment was really not cool.

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You just do the best you can. I feel you.

I clean fridge every fri morning before new food comes works perfect. I dont let food sit in fridge. 3 days it does go in trash and fri whatever else

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Ok he works all day, you look after children all day which means little contact with other adults and little time to be yourself. It wouldn’t hurt him to help more around the home and be more supportive, its not all up to you. IMO

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First of all get some help for your depression and take care of yourself, the rest will follow.

But also, you’re not the only one living under your roof and while he may be the “money earner” being a sahm comes with many sacrifices that are either forgotten or ignored. He needs to be contributing in more ways than just financially. Nobody can do everything within a home as well as parent two children safely and healthily with no support and no breaks.

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Not cool. I stay home and my husband works full time and pays all the bills. I got behind on laundry. Not only was he not not he asked me if it would held me if he were to do the laundry. The comment your husband made is completely insensitive and you should tell him how it made you feel.

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really? girl i wd have come back w “yes, not having sex w you would definitively not gross me out bcz thats what grosses me out the most lately” his stupid a$$ was totally educated by a maid or something or one of those ol school women who think the cleaning chore just belongs to a woman. i bet his filthy underwears are laying all over the floor

HAS. NOTHING. TO. DO. WITH. BEING. A. WOMAN. Period. Sometimes its hard. Ive been the SAHM and also right now I have a SAHD.
It’s everything. Its overwhelming. Its hard.

Start a routine. Start a schedule(for you,your kid,and cleaning).
What you can’t do alone your SO should help no matter the situation.
If it is depresssiom,BD,PPD -get help seek it, its real.

I think he was reacting out of fear. He knows something is wrong but doesn’t know how to “fix it”. I think talking to someone the both of you may help. My prayers are with you on your journey.

I’m in the same situation. When he and I first got together I was the worker I was the money maker now it’s the other way around so someone we trust (me) can be with our children. Over the years he has lied and just been super A super lame disgusting human about it… it’s crushed me and it definitely showed in the house… he never said anything to me but would make remarks about me getting a job- if my man said that to me I would question him and ask any questions I would have. You are human, you have feelings- you should be able to express that and not worry about him judging you or being a jerk. Remind him your human- I had to do that with my partner (I’m a human and i have feeling I’m not just some robot house wife dag nabbit!!!) I’m sorry your going through that :cry: depression is horrible.

My response, well you can always do some f… cleaning .

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I mean… He works and supports the family. He shouldn’t have to come home to that. I get how much it sucks and ive been there but it gets really old when you’re the only one that works and you bust ass all day to support the family for someone that doesn’t do anything besides watch kids all day.

I know the struggles cuz I’ve been a SAHM and now I work and my fiance is the SAHM. I know exactly how much work goes into keeping the house clean while watching the kids.

How about a response like “please go fuck yourself”. I’d be kicking him out the door so damn fast. Is there anything about being a man that he can manage to do? Respect his wife? Contribute to the household chores? Show a little support? :woman_facepalming:t3: He won’t change either.

Please I work provide and my son does the chores and does a great job. Shoot he know I start my day at 5 am and come home after 6 to cook please let someone complain.

I wonder about his statement Is there ",anything about a woman man that doesn’tt make you sick? That was a low blow. If you ask me

Hand him a basket of cleaning supplies and go to the park alone

Or he can clean up his own damn mess. Jesus christ. The audacity of men :woman_facepalming:

Babyyyy my husband may be the primary breadwinner in this house but he also understands my depression (& how overwhelming it is to be a SAHM). He comes home sometimes at 10-11 at night after working all day & needing to be up the next morning, to sweep and mop or do something else around the house that I didn’t manage to get to. He does his laundry too cause I’m pregnant and short and can’t switch the clothes over myself. He NEVER complains if dinner isn’t cooked when he gets home, he will pop a pizza in the oven and bring me some in bed.

I say all of that to say this, make sure your husband understands your mental illness. Talk with him about it. Get some help for yourself too love. :heart: nothing is going to change if y’all don’t make it change together!

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get some1 i for cpl hrs a week to do the things u cant do

Being a mom is the hardest job in the world. We don’t get paid for cleaning, taking care of the kids (which i don’t mind), keeping the house tidy and don’t forget…thinking of what to cook. Depression hits really bad these past few years but we have to fake it and don’t let our loved ones worry about us especially husbands. We just wanted them to stay focus on their job and be home safe. Now… let’s talk about the working moms (i am), how about that? They multi task so much that they sometimes tend to forget they need to relax sometimes. But nope! No one cares. So whatever you are going through right now, just hang on. Take a breather do things one at a time. And everything will be just fine. And for that husband of yours, let him help you out with some chores. Stay safe! :blush::pray::heart:

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Tell your husband that you are NOT the house slave. Tell him to step up and help you around the house or u are gone

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You truly need to get help for your depression and you should talk to him about hiw you feel more communication don’t keep it bottled up

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If he does’nt like the way you clean then have him clean the apartment then since his the one complaining tell him to stop ,and help clean the apartment since his mr perfect she take’s care of the kid’s all day so ease up on her being a mom isn’t alway’s easy so how about he takes care of the kid’s,and stay home and he doe’s all the chore’s then ,see how goog a house keeper is is ,and if he can clean better well have him clean all the time it isn’t going to hurt him to help you after all their his kid’s too tell him to help too

Everyone else has pretty much covered it I just want to say that CLEANING HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH BEING A WOMAN OR A MOTHER. You can be shit at cleaning and be a good person/woman. You can be shit at cleaning and be a good mother! We aren’t good at everything but as long as we keep trying to do our best, that is enough :heart:

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If he doesn’t like it he can clean it himself.

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Eek the Misogyny in that comment he made :scream:

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