Am I being too needy?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months, we’ve known each other for 20 years. Before him, I was single for almost 8 years. I left my daughter’s bio dad when I was 6 months pregnant; he was an abusive alcoholic and cheated nonstop. I stayed single because I really don’t mind being alone and felt that my energy was best used to take care of my daughter. Flash forward to now, my boyfriend lives with me and my daughter. I work long days starting at 6am until 5pm. My boyfriend doesn’t go to work until 9 and gets done around 3 (construction business) most days. He puts my daughter on the bus every day. I’m a homebody…enjoy being lazy! In addition to 55 hour work weeks, I’m a grad student. When I get home from work, I make dinner and usually get into my pjs for the evening. I go to bed around 9. My boyfriend doesn’t come to bed until close to midnight. He has horrible ADHD and can’t sit still. He’s usually running errands every evening for his mother, grandmother, or sister. Or he’s finding something to keep him busy. I prefer to veg out in front of the tv after my daughter is fed. Also, he takes medication that leaves our sex life less than desirable, not horrible, but maybe once a week. He has little to no interest and is content with once a week, while I’m practically developing a complex because I’m used to my relationships being based on a lot of sex (which I know is not healthy) My question is, is it weird that after only 6 months we’re rarely having sex and spending very little time together during the week. Do you and your S/O go to bed at the same time every night? Am I being to needy and asking for too much? We spend time together on the weekends as a family and then usually watch a movie after my daughter goes to bed. On top of all of this, I planned a weekend getaway for his birthday this coming weekend and thought we could have some nice kid-free romantic time. I even booked a really nice suite with a jacuzzi tub in the bedroom. I miscalculated and my period will be coming tomorrow or Friday, I’m already cramping. I’m totally bummed and when I mentioned that I was disappointed that this weekend wasn’t going to be exactly what I had hoped for, he got really mad and accused me of only ever thinking about sex. Am I asking too much?

Okay well for starters… if he’s on medication then he really can’t do anything about how it makes him feel. I’m 8 months pregnant & I literally have no desire to have sex. In my personal opinion it’s nothing against you (the partner) there’s just no desire for it. My husband and I do not go to bed at the same time every night. I normally fall asleep around 10-ish, and wake up around 8ish. My husband works in landscaping with his own hours so he won’t go to bed until maybe around 2 in the morning and wake up around 10am. I think it’s kind of weird he’ll spend so much time running errands for his family instead of finding things at home to do, but I also don’t have experience with adhd so I’m not sure how that feels for him. I don’t think you’re being needy, what you want is all normal for people to want… maybe he just can’t or doesn’t know how to compromise with his adhd.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I being too needy?

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Yes you are. If he works as well he is allowed his life. You’re expecting him to change when you don’t give any back. If he has MEDICAL issues that cause this you’re 100% selfish.


Is he really running errands for family every evening? Or??


You are very different and live different lives… it doesn’t change in 10 years it will still be the same… so if your not happy maybe you are better just staying friends…


If you are use to being single, the lack of sex shouldn’t be an issue. I would be grateful to have a partner like yours that does more than expect sex all the time. For me it would be enough just to get away from the kids and daily routine for the weekend.

Dont talk about it so much,discreetly make opportunities to be alone together.Get babysitter once a week,date.Dont talk about sex here or at home in front of kids its inappropriate, a turn off and embarrassing to kids talk in private.

Me and my man don’t go to bed at the same time also I’m the one that likes to go out n about and my man like to be at home
There’s no wrong in that
And it’s probably his medicine that takes a toll on his manly stuff :roll_eyes:


I don’t think you’re asking too much, but I also think that you sound like you’re wanting more out of the relationship than he can give.
It does kind of sound that you’re basing your relationship on physical touch, and there is nothing wrong with that if that is what your love language is. However, it doesn’t sound like that is his.
Romantic get always do not have to be about sex, and it does seem like that was your intentions with it and not just to spend time with your SO.

I dont believe you are. You’re entitled to your wants and needs in a relationship, but he is too. That’s where compromise comes into play.
My ex and I would go to bed at the same time and he would wait until I fell asleep then he would get back up and do his own thing.
As far as the sex thing have you talk to him about it? Explain why. I found when I talked to my ex about how I felt he would find ways every once in a while to pur himself in the mood…
Relationships are full of compromises

My husband and I go to bed at the same time, but sometimes one of us will stay up later. However it sounds like he is just trying to be respectful of your schedule, you get up earlier and maybe it doesn’t want to bug you with all his moving around and what not. Also with sex he might be embarrassed about it, and you bringing it up a lot may only make him feel worse about it…

I think we all have different needs.
Either try to see if you can please yourself a little more, work around the personal kinks & if that’s not enough or you can’t work on that together then it’s time to decide what your doing.
Be happy with yourself regardless, also some people may surprise you if you allow yourself to slow down sexually & enjoy what they do if not then it may be time to re-evaluate how compatible you are.
(Not saying to just give up by any means, just try new things however if you aren’t both happy then it makes for extra hardships, sadness & fights or feelings of not being loved maybe in your case feeling excluded or upset & that’s also not good to your mental health)
Do what’s best for you :heartpulse:

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We go to bed at same time but I’m asleep first. He can stay up way later some nights. His bp meds took a toll in the beginning of our relationship but we do so many other things together, sex is a bonus.

Sounds like you don’t need to be together! Too different


You’re not asking too much at all.


If he’s not what you want then leave.


If a man pressured you into have sex how would it make you feel…? We’d all be sitting here bitching him out, telling you that it’s really fucked up and you need to leave him. Your boyfriend has a medical reason for not having much of a sex drive. If you’re not okay with that, use a vibrator, or break up.

Ummm I’m
Stuck on single for 8 years then live in boyfriend before 6 mos. I mean…he didn’t move in yesterday, right? Wtf. Can’t get past that. And moved him in with your kids. I don’t care how long you’ve known him. Knowing someone and then knowing someone …cmon now.


Wow,yes you are.
You sound like a needy selfish narcissist to me.
Let him go find someone who would appreciate him,you apparently don’t.
Go buy yourself a dildo+you can play every minute after your kids are in bed Smdh!!


I had to stop reading when you called his adhd horrible. Adhd is an issue of executive functioning and it’s not horrible. Adults and children can learn skills to adapt with society and it requires a very understanding and knowledgeable (of adhd)person to be with someone with adhd or has children with adhd. It is not horrible. Adhd medication affects your ability amd want to have sex,
But there’s other ways to be intimate
If you are with someone with adhd you need to read lots of books and research adhd as it’s actually quite a brilliant thing to have. Albert Einstein couldn’t confirm to regular school settings and hd adhd and look how he turned out. Brilliant mind

Maybe instead of posting here, have a conversation with him about how you are feeling :woman_shrugging: maybe he’s having self esteem issues with his lack of sex drive, either way it’s a conversation best to have with him. I know I wouldn’t like my partner posting about private issues over the internet

Meds can do alot to a person and it all depends on when he really takes them which is why he is up most the time and the drive is low. It can happen. But you also have to compromise and at least do one thing out a week with him.
But we do all need different things.
My other half and I used to be total opposite. I would be up till 12am sometimes 3am latest where he would wants to sleep at 9-930… I would be so mad. But now I switched my meds around and we go to bed at the same time. :sweat_smile: he has ahdh but is not medicated and is good in the drove department :woman_shrugging: some people click. Some don’t. I’ve known mine for 11 years now. But only together 3 :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

You can have sex in water when you’re on your period.

Oof… so you might actually have a form of trauma from past relationships being based around sex, and now that you have someone who’d rather just have you and not your body, you’re not sure what to do with it… plus, y’all are just in the baby stages of your relationship… if you’re not satisfied, maybe get a toy? But your life actually sounds both normal and happy… Also, as someone else with ADHD, I completely understand the lack in sex drive… communicate with him, ask him what he likes and doesn’t like… and find time in your schedule to just chat about life… especially with kids, you have very little time…

I’m also a homebody I’m a stay at home mom and also homeschool my kids me and my bf have sex maybe twice a week which I’m okay with and he stays gone always doing something I mean don’t get me wrong he’s right here around home but we don’t really do anything together anymore and then he goes to bed about 9 while I stay up super late it’s just how we work but what works for me and others may not be okay with u u may need more and that’s okay u just have to figure out if u want to continue living this way or u want and need more from the relationship

As adults can’t his family do their own errands? I can see here or there but constantly? I think not. If that’s the case make his family run your errands…lol


My kids dad and i have been together for 3 years. We have never gone to bed at the same time. We both have different sex drives, but we work with eachother on it. He works 24/7. I’m a stay at home mom. Most days we get 2 maybe 3 hours where we are both awake and in the same house. Otherwise, we’re both busy doing our own things.

You both sound like quite different people. Which is fine. Except for the fact that you’re unhappy only 6 months in… That’s what really stands out to me. And people get more relaxed in a relationship the longer you’re together. So it’s pretty much guarantees that these things won’t change. If anything lag… You should still be in the “honeymoon phase”, as the saying goes…


Me and my bf are different in our own ways but we both understand each other we both care for our parents we do errands for our families plus a few friends before my bf moved in with me he was living with his dad taking care of him and his niece me I have my 3 children and my mom I take care of but at the end of the day we are all home together, on top of our days my bf works and I own a business point is there is no time for selfishness and yes we make time for each other as long as we get a day or 2 outta the month to spend together I’m happy

My hubs and I don’t go to bed at the same usually. :woman_shrugging:
He’s on medication for his PTSD & TBI and it took a while to get back in our groove. I felt like I was doing something wrong but it’s the meds. He can’t help it and we worked thru it.
If he’s on medication, research it and the side effects. You’re upset for something he can’t help. It’s a aide effect. So, either work together or maybe this relationship isn’t for you.


You need to apply the brakes slightly…you say that you were quite happily single for nearly 8 years (who put your child on school bus?) You’ve known the guy for 20 years but have been in relationship for 6 months and complaining not enough sex etc (what did you do for yourself in that situation for nearly 8 years??) You’ve known the guy for 20 years, so you must have known he suffers from ADHD and is on medication!! When I started reading your post… I didn’t think you were needy but as I read on, I think that you personally need more from a relationship than he does…that doesn’t make you needy, that makes you different and I personally can’t see this relationship developing into anything serious. I think you would be better off as friends. Good luck for the future x

Geez, you ladies sound so bitter. So negative.

Op have you tried communicating on another level with him besides just making the comment of you being disappointed about not being able to have “extra fun” this weekend? Unlike some of the others in this group (probably menopausal and just “not ever in the mood”) I believe intimacy in a relationship (both sexual and nonsexual) is healthy and necessary. There is nothing wrong with you wanting that closeness and also pleasure from your man. Try talking to him and find out what is going on. I understand you said that he is adhd. Is he medicated? If so, could that be affecting his performance? Maybe he’s feeling a little self conscious. With way, you two need to sit down and talk about it. Try to get him to open up about what’s going on with him.


Why is he living with you after only 6 months. Didn’t he have his own place?


The honeymoon period shouldn’t be over yet :pleading_face:


You should talk to him about this


Well if you was single for 8 years…and are now having sex at least once a week…with this guy …what’s the problem ??

My husband and I don’t go to bed at the same time he also is a log truck driver and is up at 1-2am to get to work I stay up most nights with kids 8,6,2,1 so I am up and down all night we talk through out the day but I really don’t see mine till Sunday. Sex life we are okay with a handful of times of month I think it’s because we are both so dang exhausted at the end of the day :sleeping:

no you are not asking to much. He needs some help, counseling or something. This needs to be addressed now before you end up spending some long, lonely years.


This whole article is a red flag :triangular_flag_on_post:
Best of luck to you both!


It’s way too soon to have this many concerns. Especially when it comes to physical intimacy. At only 6 months in that side of things should still be really good and consistent. It sounds like you’re just not compatible honestly


My fiance and I have been together for 7 years. I work 2-10am, he works 11am-830am. We get Thursdays and Sundays together. We have sex once a week, sometimes we go longer. But working opposite shifts, having two kids, and honestly me being tired more than not and I just chose sleep​:sweat_smile: I also have no thyroid so that doesn’t help. We never go to bed together either. My kids are old enough where they’ll stay in their beds watching TV while I go to bed at 730, or if he’s home it’s bed at 7. Even weekends I don’t make it past 9-10pm. I think after 6 months, the fact that your feeling this way does say something :woman_shrugging: and if your not home while he’s running these errands, why does it matter to you? Unless he’s not helping with household chores or things like that.

My partner and I have been together going on 2 years, we can’t keep our hands off each other,
We do a lot together fishing, camping, cooking ,shopping ect, my partner always makes time for me and I make time for him. We also have our seperate time to ourselves to just veg out and relax.

6 months in and you guys seem like very different people, but it sounds like you have a busy schedule too,
Maybe sit down and discuss all the things that you have bottled and let him discuss what he has bottled find a middle line and work with each other. Allocate certain times for each other whether it’s eating dinner. Watching shows, shopping ect,

Communication is key


Yikes, y’all are wild. Saying to leave due to the intimacy issue? If it were her on medication and not wanting it but the boyfriend getting mad about it the same people would be saying how horrible he is for not understanding. :roll_eyes:


I don’t think anybody actually writes these questions. I think it’s the author just to stay a relevant site. who starts every post with a caption b4 the story? some of these questions are more like surveys. plus some of these stories are notably bizarre


ive been living with my bf for the whole time we’ve been dating just about and we hardly have sex :woman_shrugging: don’t see an issue

Do you even like you boyfriend? :woman_shrugging:


Me n my ol man don’t even sleep in the same room… he hurt his back and couldn’t walk down the stairs… so no sex since February
Plus I’m usually in bed by 7-8pm and up by 2am for work
We been together almost 5yrs
We hardly ever have the same days off

“Running errands” lol your so nice…he is out with someone else and barley touches you bc he is having sex with someone else…can you not see that? :roll_eyes:

First sex ebbs and flies in relationships. I think the fact that you are letting sex dictate how you feel about this relationship bc of past relationships means therapy. Second it’s a weekend to spend time together and build intimacy that isn’t sex, the fact that he was upset and told you he thinks that’s all you care about means your hurting your relationship. No we don’t go to bed at the same time , he goes to bed at 9pm for work, I go to bed any time. Relationships are way more than sex and you need to figure this out before you drag this into every relationship. Do you even want to have sex more often or is it just bc of those prior relationships drilling it into you that it’s necc. Bc look how they turned out.

My fiancé and me we’re together 4 years and still doing it usually 2x a day.

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We’ve been together for over half my life and have five children, but we are still intimate every day. We also always go to bed at the same time. It’s not too much to ask for. It just sounds as if you have different needs


Sounds like a normal relationship to me. Most couples dont go to bed at the same time. Ur worklife is different to his so ur timeclock will be different too. As for the sex, not sure of ur age but maybe sit him down and talk to him about deep feelings. Like for example share that you dont feel fancied maybe. See is it that orrrr is it that his sex drive is simply different to yours. Get to the bottom of that as its vital. I was with someone for years that i deeply loved. I new he didnt want me the same. Eventually i looked it head on and sat him down shortly before we got married and got to the truth. He didnt love me. He went along with our relationship because it was easy for him. Cowered didnt know how to leave. So i said set me free. Speak truths. Its so important if u feel something is not rite that u face it and get to the truth. I wasted nearly 8 years and 2 heartbreaking miscarriages with him. Alot of unnecessary heartbreak. I new i was gonna have to leave him all along but it took years to find the courage to do it. Find ur courage and get to the truth for you. Im not saying this is ur truth. Im just saying if u feel something is not quite rite, investigate it and take it from there. Keep it real. Xxx

Me and my bf have been together almost 7 yrs and he sounds pretty similar to yours he doesn’t have a high sx drive and for a while I felt like something was wrong but that man is the love of my life. Sx is great but how he treats you and your kid is most important.


The guys literally on medication that by the sounds of things kills his sex drive, goodness I’d hate to be some of your partners if you would just up and leave because of that rather than standing by them and communicating to see what you could do to help

I suffer with brain conditions too. Is hard for me to be physically close to someone as i dont like people in my headspace it startles me. Im not capable of sex right now. I would join a page for adhd and ask those patients for advice on him. :brain: conditions are hard to deal with. Some of the patients on my :brain: tumor pages have taught me alot about my condition/behaviour. You can ask advice from patients that have been doin this for yrs. This seems to be a common prob with partners/patients. Sometimes the patient doesnt even notice they behave weird

Maybe you’re just not used to being in a relationship with a nice perfectly normal guy.


My man and I have been together going on 3 years. We are still intimate and go to bed together. I have an 8yo my dad takes on Saturdays so I can get some alone time with my man. U 2 should sit down and talk discuss you guys. Sex isn’t everything in a relationship but it is also kind of important to know u are desired and someone finds u attractive

You. Will. Never. Be. Too. Much. For. The. Right. Person.


If you’re not happy/satisfied now, it’ll only get worse for you.


Hello :wave: adhd-er here. Yes, many adhd medications can affect sex drive. It’s listed on all of them as a possible side effect. In my case, the ability to get through day to day life outweighs my sex life.

It just sounds like you two need to find some time for just you two. I mean not everyone likes to have sex a lot but you’re both busy working and on the go. Find a weekend or even a night together.

I’m on the fence. I mean, a relationship is about more than sex, but a healthy sex life is important. It’s about balance. But I’m thinking that if you’re only 6 months in, and you’re having issues, it isn’t going to get better. I’m curious about running errands every night of the week for his grandmother/mother/sister. I mean, once in a while yeah, but every single night? Seems kinda suspect. You may be a home body, but I would suggest tagging along a night or two that he’s out running errands. There are some flags in this situation.

No those meds def cause sex issues.

Someone not wanting sex as much as you, is not necessarily a red flag! Everyone is different. Everyone has different needs. If he is on medication, that can effect things as well. Enjoy the moment and if it happens then so be it. My heart would be more content with knowing that he cares about me and my children.

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Get you a vibrator to take care of things when he’s not in the mood.


I personally have a low sex drive and it’s annoying asf when your partner is constantly bugging you, not saying we don’t have sex we definitely do, 3 kids later :joy: but sometimes I’m just way too tired and want to chill, if he says that to you then it sounds like you push him about sex a lot, stop basing relationship on sex, instead have a talk about your feelings and his, both of you need to compromise or just stop having sex :woman_shrugging:

If he is having issues due to medication how is that a red flag? My medication caused me to not have the same sex drive as I once did and my husband completely understood. We did make sure to spend one on one time together and show our affection regardless. I would try to explain it’s not just about the sex but that you need some physical affection, maybe even cuddling up and watching a movie together? Little things like that made my husband understand It wasn’t him at all that it was just symptoms of my medication. Communicate with him girl and try to be understanding. He may be ashamed of it too I know I was.

See a doctor about his sex drive. Meds will cause issues there. It’s normal. We do go to bed at the same time. He falls asleep early because he leaves for work at 3am. I’m 100% okay with that. I’m in school so I am up late studying. Sex life is fine. But we have had our moments due to his work, school and kids. Sometimes we are exhausted. I would definitely start with doctor to discuss his meds and what can be done

Leave him. You’re not a.match.


It sounds like your not a good match. Sex is important in a relationship.

Maybe his meds lower his sex drive.

Horrible ADHD??? End it and find someone more suitable and allow him to be what he NEEDS


Hey now, my husband and I have been together for a year and sex hindering medications do exist! We’ve had more sex in the last 3 weeks than we have our entire relationship since he switched his medication. Prior to that, it was a big issue for us and we had several arguments over it because I truly felt he didn’t desire me. I’m just throwing that out there for the many comments hinting toward frequent sex being a necessity in the beginning of a relationship. My guy is the love of my absolute life and had I left him over such a simple difference as our sex drives, I would have made a huge mistake!

Well looks to me like y’all may have different love languages. Yours may be quality time and physical touch his may be acts of service. I would discuss working together with this logic to embrace each other if the desire is there, if not separate.


Been with my guy for 4.5 years. Have sex maybe once a week. He has a high sex drive and I don’t. I have ADHD, watch 3 little boys all day with one of them being my own and hes up until 2am most night cause of insomnia but we still make time for ourselves on the weekends. You already stated your guy is on medication so yes I think you are sounding too needy. Be happy you’re at least getting laid once a week. My fiance and I went weeks without having sex cause I didnt want to do it. But we reached a compromise that works. Just talk it out but yes I think you sound too needy

Sounds like y’all have different schedules? My husband works 60+ a week. I’m in college and take care of two kids and his brother. We’ve been together over 13 years and married 5. We have hardly ever went to bed at the same time. I have insomnia. He also has low sex drive and we fought a lot but then I realized he feels bad about himself having that low a sex drive. He doesn’t like that about himself and it messes with him. He feels like less of a man as most men do when they aren’t adequate in that department wether it be ED or just not enough hormones! Maybe he got angry because you bring it up a lot and he already feels bad. You approached him outwardly disappointed at the lack of sex he probably got his feelings hurt. Maybe just talk to him about what’s going on. Maybe there’s something that can happen to help wether it be medicine or just something. If he’s good to you and your daughter I would try to fix the problem before just leaving. I mean would it be okay if it was reversed and he was bugging you all the time for sex and making remarks that made you feel bad when you were on medicine that messed with your sex drive or having hormonal issues? I really suggest looking into adhd it’s way more then hyper. It’s a whole array of issues that come with it.

Wow! Your not young forever. Have all the sex you want. It doesn’t last forever

You’re mad about once a week?

Give the guy a break, he probably does feel like a piece of meat :woozy_face:


Geez me and my spouse been together 8 years next month have 3 adorable children togetherbut fot the past 4 years he might get sex once a month at that we are different people and have different things going on he works over nights so we don’t get to sleep in same bed at same time . And it doesn’t bother us we both know we have busy lives. We know how we feel about each other if ur bitching that u get it once a week hell and he has adhd and can’t sit for long times that means he has a short attention span and u should of known that when u got with him it doesn’t grow over night . And yes u seem very selfish only thinking about you and not ur loved one

I seen this all my life girls take up with men that don’t work it’s not the man’s fault it’s the woman’s fault he’s a man no how to use the women and are good at it you women are stupid because that man is never going to go to work when you keep him these men that don’t wanna work they always have an excuse why they don’t wanna work you women take them in they lived a life of a rich man


Sounds like the two of you are not compatible enough for a long-term relationship


Six months together but know each other 20yrs, I assume as friends? Not all friends make healthy partners . Your needs are valid as are his if you are both prepared to compromise it could work out if you both can’t do this maybe splitting up is for the best.:hugs:


Have him checked out. Maybe he has low testosterone

I mean, if this was reversed, women would be saying dude only cares about sex. Your needs are higher than his. Let’s think about this as if he was posting asking the same things.
The comments would be way different. People would call him controlling and say it’s too much.
Because yes, you are being too needy.
Yall have sex once a week and do spend time together every evening watching a movie.
What if you were on medication or had low sex drive after having a child? How would you want him to handle the situation?

This would be normal in a long term relationship, but y’all should still be in y’all’s honeymoon phase at 6 months.


Take this out 20 years and see how often you get lucky, it rarely increases so if this is acceptable then hang in there but is convenient morning daycare worth sacrificing a healthy/ normal love life?

He’s acting like a jerk


I don’t know much about your situation, all I know is my partner has a physical outdoorsy job and after a long days work he’s exhausted and sex is off the menu. A relationship isn’t about sex, it’s about spending time together, enjoying eachothers company… honeymoon periods are great but you probably jump right past that after being friends for 20 years. The honeymoon period is when your getting to know eachother and its very intimate. You already knew eachother and the intimacy of getting to know eachother which usually causes the passionate sex came when you were friends without benefits. Think how he feels you moan that you only have sex once a week (as a mother to 3 once a week is a miracle) and hes probably feeling like that’s all you want him for. Maybe try no sex, spending time together, having fun, developing more or a connection, love. Then the sex will come when he’s not feeling used.

No he needs to figure something out to help his libido.

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Everyone has different sexual needs. Some people have high sex drives and some people have low sex drive. Both are completely normal and both should be respected. Even when you are dating someone you are not entitled to there body. If they aren’t in the mood that means no. I would suggest buying sex toys, masturbation, watching or reading porn etc.
It really sounds like you guys have to sit down and talk to each other and listen to what the other has to say. It sounds like you guys have different love languages. Learning and using each other’s love languages will help alot!