My mom is flying to visit us in a few months. I have seen her two times in the last year and a half due to travel restrictions, safety concerns, etc. We have all been vaccinated for covid-19, including my mom. My In-laws live 30 minutes away from us. We see them once every week or two. They are not vaccinated and have no plans to do so. My MILs birthday happens to fall on the second day my mom will be in town. My husband wants to throw a surprise birthday party for his mom with his sister’s family and our family…10 people total on her birthday. I’ve asked that we throw the surprise party the week before for two reasons: - my mom is flying in the day before, and I don’t want to risk the health of my In-laws since they are not vaccinated - I have hardly seen my mom in the last year and a half and really want to enjoy the 5 days she will be here. I feel like she deserves all of our attention as I don’t know when we will see each other again. My husband thinks I’m unreasonable asking to throw the party the week before bc his mom will be upset that it’s not on her actual birthday. What would you do in this situation?
I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. Like you said, you’re concerned for their health and safety and you never get to see your mom.
unreasonable 
social distance and wear your mask.
Attend her birthday party on her birthday. You will be what? 2-3 hours with them?
Unreasonable it’s like gim asking your mom to change her flight.
Take your mum with you and enjoy the party. You cant make someone celebrate their birthday a week early or tell your mum to come few days later if she can re arrange flights.
I honestly don’t understand people who have to celebrate their birthdays on their actual day once you are an adult.
I get where you are coming from. Can your mom go with you to the party? Try and keep everyone happy.
Let them party, stay home with ur mom!!!
I don’t think it’s unreasonable to be upset about this at all! But could there be a compromise? If his family isn’t worried about the virus maybe take your mom along? It might be a fun outing for everyone!
Your mom will be okay I am sure that you have a party for a few hours. Maybe invite your mom if possible.
If I were in this situation, I would either attend the party with my mom, skip the party, or schedule the SURPRISE birthday party a week in advance to REALLY make it a surprise birthday party.
Vaccines does not prevent a thing…and if you already have yours then why do you care?? Will your Vaccine work better if everyone else has one? No. Makes no sense.
You are being unreasonable. Stop freaking out over a glorified flu and stop being selfish. You’ll all live. Grow up.
I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all. I think, your spouse is being unreasonable, tbh. I do hope, he has an epiphany and realizes the short amount of time you will get with your parents, is precious and long over-due. Who said a birthday party, must be celebrated on the actual day? It’s usually done on a day, most people could make it; like, a weekend. Either way, enjoy every minute you get with your parents! This past year has been difficult on most extended families.
You’re being unreasonable. It’s a party. It’s 2-3 hours of your day.
You take your mom out and go do something let him enjoy his mom! I get it if my mom was alive I’d be super selfish with her 
enjoy your mom! With covid and everything you deserve mom time too 
Honestly if it were me I would tell my husband to go ahead and go to his moms party and I would hang out with my mom! I’m sure everyone will understand that u don’t see your mom that often and everything will be fine!
I would just stay and do something alone with my mom. Have him take kids if you have any and use it for just you and her time. Or your husband can do it the day before or day after your mom leaves. You gave 2 choices and he can pick which one he wants. Why would it put his family at risk if your mom had the vaccine?
I would be so annoyed if my husband asked me to reschedule MY moms bday for HIS mom’s trip. You’re being super unreasonable in my opinion. I agree with maybe bringing your mom along to the party? but to change your mother in law’s bday, that’s really entitled.
I think you’re being very unreasonable. It’s her birthday. Your mom will be in town 5 days. What’s a couple of hours away? Or take your mom with you. Social distance and wear a mask if you’re afraid.
Attend the party, on her birthday, your mom may enjoy a few hours to herself after travelling.
I would make it clear that seeing your mom is more important. If he can’t plan shit out months in advance to accomote both sets of plans then it seems like he just really doesn’t give a shit if you get quality time with your mom or not. Fuck his mom’s party take your mom out to a nice dinner on his dime instead.
Tbh ur not being unreasonable but neither is he tbh
It’s a complicated situation. Though I dont think you’re unreasonable because the situation, I can see your husband’s side. Can he do the party without your help? If so then it will give you great one on one time with your mom.
Unpopular opinion but I would be upset too. As someone who doesn’t live close to my family I COMPLETELY understand wanting to spend whatever time you can with them and not wanting to be with someone you see ALL the time. If she’s coming to see YOU, I don’t understand all these people saying to leave her at your house by herself? What? She can do that at her house. If your husband doesn’t want you change it, I say you stay with your mom and do something with her. Time doesn’t stop. And don’t take it for granted. Sure it’s only 2-3 hours but she came to SEE YOU. I get you girl. Message me if you need a talk. These comments are crazy to me. Lol
Talk with your mom about it and see what she thinks. She may be ok with going along, feel with being vaccinated that it will be ok. Also take precautions such as wearing masks and hand santisers
Wow your mom don’t have to go …she can stay home .
Adults!!! It is one day. Talk to you mil and ask her if she would mind you spending time with your mum and then at a later date you and you mil doing something for her birthday. Let your hubby’s family organise a party etc. do it at someone else place. Send along some party food, even something you and your mum could do together and send it with live. FaceTime on the day. It is called considering others and compromise. Both parties need to step up and do a bit of this.
Love up your mom, enjoy your mom, he can enjoy his mom.
Can he throw the party somewhere other than your house an you spend quality time with your mom?
I think you are being totally unreasonable for several reasons.
- If you see them every week or two you are not worried about there health. Just using that as an excuse.
- You knew it was your MIL bday and it was fine that your mom came in.
- How would you feel if you were in you husband position?
- It has only been just over a year NOT a year and half.
Neither one of you is wrong and neither is right. Compromise.
TBH, you should have spoke with your mother when she told you her travel plans. It’s not like your MiL can pick her birthday
I’m confused. Why wouldn’t all of you get together? Unless you’re planning on not seeing the in-laws and quarantining from them. You mentioned you see the inlaws like every other week, is there concern for their health on these visits too? The circles of contamination are already there, unless you’ve stayed home, hunkered down and used your stockpile/farm for food, you’ve been exposed.
Yes. You are being unreasonable.
I have this happen often I live in the Midwest and all my family is from the east coast. We only see eachother 1-2 times a year if not every few years. I’d just politely say I have other plans with your mother and this has been planned months in advance. Go the weekend before to celebrate with just her! Take her to dinner and spend just one on one time. My spouses family is very considerate of my long distance relationship with my family and will go above and beyond to make sure I get to spend as much time possible with them when they come out. They don’t make any plans for me while I’m with my family and it’s so stress free! 
I think you are using Covid as an excuse. You see them once or twice a week. And all of you but them have had the vaccines. Now I do think you haven’t seen your mom in awhile and you want that week to be all about her and you. But you knew when ur MiL’s bday was. And it isn’t fair to ask ur husband to not throw a surprise party for his mom bc urs is there. Why can’t she go to the party too? It’s only a couple hours.
You know you can choose to stay home with your mom and people would understand lol. And if they didn’t, that’s not your responsibility to fix. People worry WAY too much about upsetting others. If you see your MIL all the time plan something special for the two of you after your mom’s trip. It’s simple. Stay home, enjoy your mom, let him enjoy his.
I’d tell my husband he has the right to feel it’s unreasonable, but I will be devoting my attention to my mom and it’s non negotiable. I lost my mom in 2013. It was sudden and unexpected. I hadn’t seen her in 3mo.
He can plan a party himself, and you can spend time with your mom. Just make sure to leave a present/card for your mother in law and to wish her a belated birthday when you get the chance.
I say you spend time with ur mom and let him throw the party for his mom. Time is precious and you’re right you don’t know when you will see your mom again.
I’d get over myself if I were you
people who think they have to celebrate on the exact day of their birthday are childish and selfish. Even my kids when they were little were ok with not having their party on the day of! She is a fricking adult who can wait to celebrate or to have it early. And why in the heck would they not be vaccinated yet? Since they are older they should have already had that done.
Your mom prolly secretly wants to go to the party 
If it’s a surprise party he should be able to move the date. Especially if you haven’t seen your mother in that long.
Personally, if I hadn’t seen my parents and they were coming into town, I would choose to spend every minute with them that I could while they are here visiting. Your mom should be your priority. It’s unfortunate that it falls when your mother-in-law’s birthday is, but that’s some thing That could happen the week before. I think your husband is not thinking of the bigger picture here. Is it possible that your mom can go to the party with you?
You are a horrible partner.
I don’t see why your husband cant throw the party and everyone get together. Your side being vaccinated and his side being not isn’t an excuse.
Yes ur unreasonable…ur vaccinated so is ur mom so no worry right 
thats the whole reason to run and get it 
I personally wouldn’t have a big bday party due to the pandemic, not due to your mom coming in but that’s just me, maybe feeling bad for myself that we haven’t had any family gatherings since last february…
You just said your inlaws don’t plan on the vaccine so why are you making this an issue?
Let him have the party for his mom on the day and just dont go, if your mil packs a sad just explain that your mother is important to you and you are not missing out on time with her because shes having a birthday…you’ve seen jer twice in a year and you see the mil every week…my mil would understand and be happy I got to spend time with her,
Why do you have to be part of the party? Go off on your own and enjoy some alone time with her and they can have the party.
if you want to stay home with your mom stay home. birthdays are kind of annual and not really something you can move around. Or your mom can go with. If you’re vaccinated you’re fine.
Surprise! YOURE NOT GOING!
That’s what I would say. 
Everyone go to the birthday party
aww ffs grow up its a party fgs theres no big deal. Let him do what the fuck he wants and you spend time with your mum you dont need to attend EVERY event he plans
Throw the party and enjoy everyone .
Well its her b-day sorry she cant change that. As your mom visit could have been changed so no if i was him i wouldn’t change the date. You have all "RAN " and got a shot so with ate you worried about. Isn’t that the whole point. She gets 1 day a year sorry that day cant be changed to fit your mom interrupting her day. Yall all party or surprise your not invited. Common Sense here sorry thats just me.
seriously the party is a few hours out of 5 days enjoy both
I would act as if there was never a pandemic and continue living life as you used to now that you have the vaccine, you’re fine.
I wouldn’t be going to the party 
Plus, if its a surprise party, having it earlier is a bigger surprise.
I’d just take you mom with… your inlaws have chosen to not vaccinate (their right) and with that are willing to take on any chance of catching it. If they’re fine knowing your mom is traveling and willing to hang with her then it’s on them.
It’s also fine to just want alone time with your mom. He sees his mom consistently so you should be able to miss one adults birthday to see yours one of the few chances you get. Honestly I wouldn’t want to attend an adults bday that throws a fit over when a party is or isn’t.
1st him not understanding is not okay, 2nd covid isn’t that serious, 3rd if you don’t want to spend the short amount of time you have with YOUR mom celebrating HIS mom, then don’t. I’d give anything to have both my parents back and I wouldn’t waste time with them over somebody I get to see on a regular basis
Me personally, Let your MIL have her party but due to covid and travel you and your Mom will not be attending. Then spend the time just you and your Mom alone catching up and enjoying your day! Win/Win
Let your husband plan it and do all the required work. He should not expect you to that while your parents are there for such a short time. (I find men love to plan parties but rarely are the ones to plan the food, etc.) Your parents might enjoy the party and getting to meet more of your husband’s family.
i see the media the world has u scared i have party all the time im not worried none of us have had it
Your Mom would probably enjoy the BD party. Just stay close to her so she doesn’t feel left out. It won’t be a late party cause they have 30 minutes drive to get home. You & Mom have your vaccine so let them worry about themselves I guess if they refuse one. Supposedly you can’t pass COVID on with the vaccine.
Honestly it’s sounds like all of your “reasons” are excuses. I would be upset if I was your husband. We do everything as a family, so I don’t necessarily agree with the you guys just don’t go comments. (I get some families don’t do this) but my in laws also get along great with my family and celebrate everything with us… all as one large family. I mean it’s her birthday, you kinda don’t pick that day. How would you feel if your husband ask your mom to delay her trip so she doesn’t barge in on his moms party? You must look at it from both sides.
I just wouldn’t go. You already had plans with your mom
I would keep everything as is and since it’s your husband’s plan to throw the surprise party you let him handle the party planning, prep and clean up. You go of course and enjoy it but also enjoy your time with your guests too. I wouldn’t make it a competition but make it about family and a win/win situation. Since you both have family in town at the same time and it’s important to both of you that the time is well spent.
I’m sorry but why would they even schedule a visit the week of her birthday, Were you part of the planning, You should have let them know that that’s the week of her birthday.
I would have asked them to push their week visit to the week before or the week after her birthday. I’m kinda with the husband.
A few hours for a party should not interfere with time with your parents.
If the vaccine works why are you worried about their vaccine status?
Just don’t go? And visit with your mom.
she comes over every weekend your mom doesn’t. Boohoo grown ass woman is going to be upset her party isn’t on her actual birthday. Tough shit your husband wants this party so bad for his mommy he can do it somewhere else and if he insists no then he can do ALL the work himself. He sees mommy dearest every weekend he can get over it and so can she. Spend time with your mom and don’t worry about them, and you guys telling her she’s wrong can die mad about it. Boohoo. If the shoe was on the other foot he would feel the same exact way AND so would you guys.
Why don’t u let ur mom attend the party after all I seen she will be there for 5 days 1 day won’t hurt to have the family together
Send hubby. U hang with mom
Visit mom… Let him do his own thing
If the in-laws are not vaccinated I would not take my mom over there☹️
Live!!! Live life!!!
I’m sorry but why can’t your parents participate in and enjoy the surprise party also?
That will be a great time for you & her to unwind & have fun 
Yes it is unreasonable. It’s his moms birthday. Your mom can enjoy the party & extended family as well.
It’s not your job to protect your inlaws…lol
…its…her…birthday…
If your mother is vaccinated the odds of her being enough of a carrier to pass the virus on to anyone else is negligible (as per the CDC). Have the party if you’re inviting people they are normally around, and then you can feel safe having your mother there too. She’s safe from them and they are generally safe from her. Safer from her than they are from you, anyway.
Why can’t your parents be a part of the bday celebrations as well. Win win
Let him throw the party, elsewhere, you stay home with your mom
Uh it’s not your decision for your in laws. If they are okay with being around people, then that is their choice. Sounds like you are just being selfish with you mom’s attention.
Let your husband throw the party but you and your mom go do something else during that time.
He sees his mom every week, and you barely see yours. Let them have their party while you and your mom go hang out and spend some much needed quality time together.
Let him have the party y’all visit for a short surprise! Y’all visit for a little bit and you and your mother have some 1 on 1 time. Or change it then it will be a big surprise party cause it won’t be close to her birthday.
Oh fu*k me seriously is this even a thing if you were worried about the in-laws because they weren’t vaccinated then you wouldn’t be seeing them at all till they were
you pose just as much of a risk as your parents are to them the vaccination only helps prevent the spread/symptoms doesn’t mean you wouldn’t pass it on to them at the end of the day its up to his mum to protect herself against it and if she wants a birthday party she chooses to except that risk to celebrate her birthday just throw the birthday party if the mother wants it and have a good time live life to the full if the last year has taught you anything its that time is short and we don’t know when it will end
Have him throw the party at someone else house if he doesn’t want to do it a different day. There’s no reason why a party can’t be on a different day. Plenty of people throw birthday party’s on a day that’s not the person birthday.
I think a good husband would understand and you guys could try to make it work it’s called compromise no wonder most marriages end in divorce 
What if it was the other way around 
and he told you to reschedule your mom’s flight 
would you be ok with that???
how about they have the b-day party and you let your mom decide if she like to join the party or stay at home and rest.
Your husband is being insensitive. He gets to see his mom all the time. He’s not thinking about how you feel. I think it would be a better surprise to have the party on another day then her actual birthday.
I’d go to your in laws and take a gift then leave early and go and spend time with your mother. You can’t control what others decide to do or plan. You are making your husband choose between his mother and yours and that’s not fair. He could easily tell you to change your mother’s visit to the week after. Choose your battles wisely. I say let this one go and compromise.
I would just not go to the party but that’s me. He can throw it but he needs to be understanding that you haven’t seen your mom and will be soaking up all of the time you have with her.
Skip the party yourself. Let hubby do whatever.
Your moms vaccinated quit using that as excuse do some special plans with mom he should not mind
I think the reason people get the vaccine ,so they don’t need to quarantine. Keep your own social distance at the party and mask up at times. Common sense goes a long way…