I'm a full time college student and part time worker with 2 young sons and a husband.. my husband doesn't have a job and is the
" stay at home dad "
My schooling in online so I’m home and do help with all that and when I’m home I cook dinner, clean etc myself.
Lately I’ve been going to work for closing and ask my husband to cook dinner in those 4-5 hours I’m gone, I have a monthly meal plan and everything needed to easily just follow.
The last few nights I’ve came home and house never cleaned up normal unless I do.
And NO dinner … I cook every day but when closing at work and he doesn’t at all ! says, oh I’m not hungry or I didn’t know what to make or I didn’t think about it ? Soooooo I have to get off work and get dinner ready late for everyone. He thinks I’m being unreasonable for getting mad for the fact he can’t do the simple things… I got over him not cleaning nothing when I’m gone working just dinner honestly. Not to mention when I’m at work he let’s the kids watch YouTube or phone, xbox the WHOLE time while he plays Xbox, computer etc… like why couldn’t you just made dinner for me that’s all I ask… what should I do???
and sometimes I’ll even text on break a reminder to please cook dinner for when I get home still NOTHING! *
Honestly if you are a stay at home parent that is part of your workload. If you can’t do that you need to get a job. I would be over the top frustrated to come home from a long day and have to cook, clean and do laundry. Especially if everyone is on phones or devices. I know some days at home won’t go smoothly and everything won’t get done but for the most part it should. You need to have a long talk with him. FYI … I know a lot of women who do this same thing. Not sure how spouses put up with it.
You might as well have the kids in daycare and be single! Wtf!?! You are not being unreasonable AT ALL! Part of being a SAHP is doing those things! It doesn’t matter if “he isn’t hungry”! You are and so are the kids! Wtf man! You are out working AND bettering yourself with an education to have a better future for all of you! If he can’t even parent or do basic housework, wtf is the point of having him as a “partner”? You’re better off doing it by yourself! At this point, he’s another mouth to feed and person to clean up after! Might as well have a third child!
Maybe it’s time he gets a job. If he’s unwilling to help when he’s not providing any income it’s time for a serious talk. You deserve better and when you get home you shouldn’t have to do anything! Stand up for yourself and voice your needs!
Youre a single mom with three sons if you’re doing everything nd he can’t even bother to cook for his kids while you’re closing. If he the stay at home parent he needs to do his part.
If he’s home, and not working he should be picking up the slack. I started reading 80/80 marriage. Basically no matter who is in what role, at some point we each feel as though we are doing more than 50% of the work, which tends to make us feel as though we are being treated unfairly. What this books seems to be outlining is the fact that because each of us have roles that are so different they can’t ever be compared apples to apples and we need to offer each other more empathy because in reality we are each doing 80%. I don’t know if that will help him. He’s have to be open to reading the book. I found the couple from a podcast idk if he’d listen to that either but maybe if he did he’s realize how much of the work load you’re actually taking on and help…. Good luck!
Sounds like you have 3 children. We teach people how to treat us. He’s irresponsible, inconsiderate, immature and selfish. Put up or get out, he’s not changing!
Turn off the WiFi when you leave. And tell him to either step up and help you, get a job, or get out. Honestly he’s doing you no favors and you are supporting everyone.
How do you afford to have 3 kids with only 1 person working part time?! I can barely afford to live with me and my husband working full time and 1 kid.
Anyway, your man sounds like a loser. He should be making dinner and helping! But if you really want just make crock pot dinners.
I’d also love to know how you’re living with a family of 4 on a part time job. Do you have government assistance? Because I barely make it on a full time job. Be thankful
Sounds like you got 3 sons and not in the funny my husband’s a kid way. If you have talked to him numerous times and he hasn’t learned anything its not gonna get better and that’s what your boys will grow up thinking is ok. Sounds like you need to decide what your willing to deal with and accept and decide whether he fits into what you see your life like. It really is ok for 2 people who care about eachother to not have the same expectations out of life. But you can’t make someone change there expectations… good luck and I hope it works out for the best for everyone involved.
I’d tell him to get a job and you’ll get someone else to take care of the kids. Smh my ex did that crap for awhile too… just drank all day and I work all day 5-6 days a week and then he treated me like shit if I didn’t come home cook and clean. Ruined our marriage I couldn’t deal with it anymore. I’m so much happier on my own. Slug is at his moms living off her now.
If he’s a stay at home parent in my opinion he should be cleaning and cooking dinner. I feel like that’s the unspoken rule. I know I would 100% be doing that if I was a stay at home mom so no excuses. I’d tell him either he contributes to the household by doing simple things like that or he can get a job and contribute financially. But that’s just my opinion.
Oh hell fucken no.
Guess what I’m taking with my to work? The xbox controllers. The (is it like the old time computers or are you talking about laptop?) Conputers plug in wire. Changing the effin wifi password.
All but one specific phone charger
I mean you are doing it on your own already. The point of a stay at home parent is to help get things done at home. If you have to do everything and work then he is of no use.
No advice on the man child other than maybe playing a good game of grit ball. But while I was a single mom raising two, it helped to write out a weekly menu, meal prep and to put dinner in the crockpot early in the day. It definitely cut down on the stress of having to scramble in the evenings.
I had the same problem when I was working. (We both worked) I always had to clean and put something in the crockpot for dinner when I’d work night shift. I did that or the kids would eat whatever they desired, which was normally junk food. Together for 11years and I don’t remember one time he’s ever cooked me dinner or cleaned the house while I was at work.
I flew out to Washington to my sisters for 8 days. For him, my son and our little they lived on take out! One of the days he called me and said “I ran the sweeper, even on the rug under the table like he should get an award. I said I sweep it every time I run the sweeper, that’s just what you do!! When I got home I exploded, my house was a complete cluster mess. Laundry and dishes piled up! Shouldnt have had dishes when he ordered out everyday. He will only help me now when I start to clean and start slamming shit around because I’m tired of doing it on my own! I know ppl will say communication is key. I’ve asked, begged, pleaded, cried, screamed, broke dishes, and it doesn’t do one ounce of good! I’m just ignored
He needs to get a job. There’s lots of people like him, but having a full time job detracts from their home-making ineptitude. Also, start with cereal or sandwiches and see if he will do that. I doubt it because my theory is there is a technology addiction and those seem to trump living real life. I’m sorry
I understand that their are some days whenever you just can’t get your house clean, but I’d never not cook my family dinner, especially to the point where it causes issues…like sure, every so often you cooking wouldn’t be a huge deal, as we all get overwhelmed sometimes. However, this sounds like he’s sitting at home doing absolutely nothing and then expects you to do it when you get home. I would tell him since he seems to be unable to do his part in the family that he needs to help in other ways by getting a job. Like I said, I have my days where the house isn’t spotless, but dishes are always done, my daughter is taken care of and played with, and I always have food on the table for us. There are days where it’s give and take, but there is always some give from me.
This is just something I would likely do as the natural born smart ass that I am, but it could work for you as well. Shut off the power in the house and leave with your kids to either stay with family or go to a hotel. Leave him there alone and when he starts to complain about there being no power and no way for him to feed himself, tell him to get off his ass and do something about it.
My ex husband did this shit too as a stay at home dad I went back to work while going to college online with 3 kiddos 4 3 and 1 after a year of me putting up with it and him continuing telling me he’s change he didn’t and then he’d call me lazy or he didn’t feel good I worked two full time jobs to make ends me and I didn’t get home to a clean house or dinner being cooked. I ended up leaving him last year after a total of 11 yrs and 10 we were married for now I have a man that helps and we have five kids I feel like if he couldn’t contribute then I didn’t need the dead weight I started to resent him and finally I had enough of the excuses and not pitching in and I left for good never had made a better decision of my life and for my lids
How old are the kids? Are they virtual learning?
If they aren’t yet at school, lower the targets for all of you! It’s near impossible keeping a house clean with kids home all day. Suggest he gets the kids involved with cooking dinner. Ask your husband what he’d like to cook. Ask directly though, don’t hint.
Praying things get easier for you soon.
You should not have to parent your partner… maybe you need to reevaluate your living situation. If he’s not helping he’s hurting and only you can change that.
Time for him to get a job. Get some childcare if they aren’t old enough to be by themselves. He either helps out, or pays up! No way would I allow my man to be lazy, when I can pay someone to care for my children properly if I can’t be there to do it myself.
Nope. If that was my man he would need to get a job! If you’re working part time & in school the least he can do is help out & get a job himself. That’s insane. He’s like another child at this point.
I think it’s time to get him to get a job. Stay at home dad’s get things done. YouTube is not the answer. If he can’t take Care of the kids he needs to move out
So, how many kids did you say you had? Sorry, but it sounds like you’re a single parent with a live in babysitter… who fails at even THAT. Time to draw a line in the sand. Can you lock the xbox out of internet access? LOL That might get his attention.
Pack the Xbox up and tell Him if he wants to act like a kid you will treat him like one… make crock pot meals. And if you have to do it all why do you need him.
Being that he isn’t working at this time, he needs to contribute to the household. His way of contributing would be keeping a clean home and taking care of the kids. You are the one both working and in school. He needs a reality check
My ex husband was the same way but would have friends over. With me working 2 jobs I had to clean and cook before I left in the morning for my 9-12 and then again for my 4-2. I even had to get up at 630 to get the kids on the bus. So I got 4 hours a morning to sleep. All he had to do is change diapers (and he had his mom or friends do that) and feed them what i made and he still complained about me not doing this or that. I worked the 2 jobs for 3 months and then saw I could make it on my own without him paying bills with the one job. 4 months later he gave me the last beating I would take and hes been gone since. Thats been a little over 6 years ago.
He’s not a “stay at home” dad. He’s a sorry ass!!! Throw him out. Real stay at home father’s make sure their kids eat dinner every night and at a reasonable time. Real stat home dad’s clean up!!!
Smh…I don’t understand men that thinks that’s ok. Your basically raising another child. Nope. Either he gets a job and y’all go in halves on child care or boy BYE. You ain’t got time for that BS
If he’s on youtube he can look up quick and easy meals to make… I’d say it’s time for him to get a job and you to find a man because there’s plenty out there who would do what you’re wanting without you even having to ask…
I totally understand being majorly frustrated and feeling disrespected. Is there any chance your hubby may be depressed or have something going on? Not trying to make excuses just trying to think outside of he’s just being lazy and not helping.
My husband can’t work due to very serious injuries and can’t help a lot at home with cooking/cleaning so what we do are alot of crock pot and freezer meals. I usually prep everything for the week on Sunday and leave it in the fridge/freezer so it’s ready to just dump and cook in the crock pot or oven.
I also was able to budget enough to have a housekeeper come one to two times monthly to help me deep clean and keep everything organized. Literally the best thing I did for our family. I thought I could never afford it but I just buckled down and stopped eating out as much or buying unnecessary toys/clothes/impulse buys and that made up my housekeeper $ without causing a struggle or affecting any other part of our budget.
Take the router with you to work. Tell him he can have it when he does what he supposed. Fucking men. . Mine does that shit he’s real close to catching these hands lol
Hes not hungry…dont cook for him
Change the WiFi password and leave him a list of chores to get done before he gets a treat
Hes acting like a spoiled child…treat him like one
DO NOT BREAK OR TAKE THAT XBOX AWAY! HE IS NOT A CHILD HE IS YOUR PARTNER!!! Idk the whole story with why he is the sahd but you said lately which means he hasn’t always been lazy … I have been a sahm and sometime would get depressed/bored with my life … your life strictly revolves around kids and wife 24 hours a day!!! the same thing every day kids wife cook clean it get old… i think he may just need a break, take him to have some fun, let him blow off some steam,shoot give him a relaxation day where you do for him
I went through something similar. I got fed up with working, cleaning, cooking, etc… I told my husband if he wanted me to support him then I better come home to a clean house and food on the table and if he didn’t want to do that he had 2 options 1) get a job or 2) get out.
Girl you already have kids to take care of and your husband isn’t your responsibility to take care of. Put your foot down with him.
I would make something for you and the kids and tell him you didn’t make any for him since he’s never hungry. If he can’t contribute to the house he should also get at least a part time job.
We all got problems sis,
Good luck with yours
Personally I’m offended that your life changing melt down gets spread throughout my sympathizing friends list
P.s
Get ur crap off my feed
Jackwagon
I always say I have 5 kids even though I only have 4 . Its frustrating and at the end of the day I’m exhausted. I work full time and then come home to clean, cook, and take care of the kids. Thats my life in a nutshell. I quit expecting things and asking for things. I just do them myself now.
I would put him out after I get my kids in affordable daycare. He not gone change because he feels like he doesn’t have to. And he’s not going to help because he knows you will do it regardless. I left my ex husband for similar except I was a SAHM and he worked but when he came home he did NOTHING with our child to assist. Stopped taking out the trash without me reminding him. Bringing home food JUST FOR HIMSELF after I cooked everyday. On top of other things. They only change when they want. Which is either too late or never.
"Stay at home Dad " means he does child care and takes care of the house. He’s doing nothing except showing your kids a poor work habit and by allowing them on the technology all day , evening is just plain lazy !!! Make a schedule Mom , and a weekly chore chart for what you expect of Dad and the kids. Most states have government assistance day care. Put your kids in day care and send Dad out the door . Job or move out , he’s not doing anywhere near his share of work. Good luck little Momma ! Much love !
But while I was a single mom raising two, it helped to write out a weekly menu, meal prep and to put dinner in the crockpot early in the day. It definitely cut down on the stress of having to scramble in the evenings.
If you have to do everything, you might as well be by yourself. 
. Its frustrating and at the end of the day I’m exhausted. I work full time and then come home to clean, cook, and take care of the kids. Thats my life in a nutshell. I quit expecting things and asking for things. I just do them myself now.