You pay her gas money sometimes and expect to treat her like an employee? Lol. Girl. Put him in daycare and then see how much you’re paying and they’re still not going to follow your rules.
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You are nit picking, be more grateful that she can look after your son. My mom lives with me but I’m only working about 15 hours a week because of the medical issues she has and she’s not comfortable with watching my kids for very long, but i know when she does they are happy and it makes her feel useful.
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Omg my mom would never charge me but I’d never get upset over a box of dumped out toys.
You both need to respect each other a lot more.
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You must forgot that she’s a mom. Apparently an ok one if you married her son. So cut some slack. If she’s not abusing him, let her be. Is he in a dirty diaper when you get home? Is he fed when you get there? I mean come on.
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Yes, you are being unreasonable
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If you’re not paying her then to be honest you should be grateful that she is offering to take care of him for free. I wish I had the luxury of grandparents who could watch my children whilst I work but I’ve either had to be a stay at home mum or work and pay for childcare. If you’re not happy with the situation and you’re prepared to pay out then by all means put your child into a nursery environment. However, if you have the luxury of saving money whilst your child builds a bond with their grandparents then I personally do think that maybe you should do the structured learning at home on evenings and weekends and allow your child to have free play with his grandma whilst strengthening his bond with her. Just my opinion though.
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Like I’m not saying this to be mean or anything but it’s the grandma right ? If I told my mother or my in law what to do with my son I’m sure she would look at me like I’m crazy to like it’s his grandma most grandparents know what they are doing I just feel like ur making up excuses to put ur child in daycare and u really don’t need one … not only that I rather leave my child with my mother any day then with someone at a daycare… I’m not saying it to be mean at all so please don’t take it that way it’s probably not even about the money to her she just wants to be there and I think u should let her … hope everything works out for ur family
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Put your child into daycare, you are expecting way too much for just “gas money”
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I think you are asking a lot of his grandparents. They raised your husband so they can probably raise this little feller.
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I’m so sorry , this is over her letting your child play with too many items at a time ?
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Put your child in daycare! Problem solved and they will do educational structured activities with your child and follow your routine . Nobody wants to put up with family drama .
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So she basically watches him for free, he’s taken care of and not beaten or abused and you nit pick. Go pay out the ass for daycare since you want to be ungrateful.
You’re expecting her to do a full time job for less than her gas? She’s way too nice to you if you ask me. I’d have quit a long time ago.
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In my opinion If you are not paying her as a daycare and as long as he is fed/changed/loved, then yes, you are being unreasonable.
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You come off as a spoiled entitled, ungrateful brat!
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You asked her too watch over him not be his teacher as well I’d seek a good day care just make sure to get them thoroughly out.
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Ungrateful much! She’s his grand mother not his teacher. Your lucky she’s looking after him for you
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This drama over her letting him play with more than 1 toy???
You sound like a real fun person to be around….
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As a grandma I love to pick up my grandkids once a week or when they need to go to another location or to do activities with them. I have never asked for money as it is my choice. However my mother took care of my kids her grandkids and her being a single income I did give her money but I still do even now my kids are old. I think you should help out your kids or parents if you can
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If you’re that dang picky… you need to take him to a daycare. From the way you sound , I have a feeling you’ll find fault with them too… 
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I was exhausted reading these rules. Please consider meditating about your actions. If you don’t let go, you’ll be miserable with anyone whether you pay them or not. To answer your question: yes, the situation you are describing and the expectations sound unreasonable.
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Put him in day care. You are asking her to jump oceans while you’re providing water wings.
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This sounds sound high maintenance and ungrateful 
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Beggers can’t be choosers mate if you want your kid to be in a day care setting pay for day care then like the rest of us have to lol
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Yeah f**k that she’s a free babysitter not a teacher. You want your child in a school like environment then either pay her for the work or send him to daycare where you will also have to pay for the attention and extra activities your expecting to be done. 
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Go pay for daycare. You are very ungrateful and dramatic
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I would be mad too ! She raised the man you chose to marry so she must have done SOMETHING right… she is not a daycare, and not stupid …leave it alone, his time with his gramma is extremely important let them do it their way. Quite being so controlling… anyone who is super controlling inevitably loses in the end.
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What do you expect? Your just paying her gas? Child care is expensive if you don’t like what your getting at a bargain then put your child in a daycare where one on one attention isn’t provided
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You’re not being unreasonable. You arent forcing or guilting her into watching your kid, you’re literally putting him in daycare because she’s refusing to follow rules you have in place regarding YOUR child. Everyone is acting like you begged her to babysit for you. You’re allowed to be a picky mother, especially with your first child.
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Your MIL isn’t daycare. She’s Grandma. If you want a daycare then do take your child to daycare.
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You’re not gonna like daycare .
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Wow you should put him in daycare I would have loved to have a MIL or a mom to babysit while I worked and further more would rather have paid them then a daycare because my my child would be the sole focus u sound very unreasonable and ungrateful because she is definitely not obligated to do anything for you.
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Yea u just go ahead and do daycare. Seems you are soo controlling you rather have your child exposed to all the germs of daycare. I worked in daycare no one will love and treat your son like a family member would. The love a grandparents can’t be replicated. Grandparents wont be around forever. Why not give them the time to love and help raise your child? Sadly u seem to need control more then anything. Good luck with daycare. Ever heard of hand foot and mouth disease or scabies or impetigo ? Well get some knowledge on daycare illness… I had no choice except to use daycare. And had I been blessed with the option of a grandparents id of paid them anything to love watch and nurture my kid then the strangers that I paid…and ure husband threatened to quit? Yall are soo damn spoiled and immature…
I’d pay for the daycare. I also have a mil that I would never leave alone with anymore of my kids ever again.
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Good thing my daughter isn’t so petty when I “babysit”.
Just tell me health and diet issues to pay attention to.
Other than that, I will do what I believe best while under my Care
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If you want something like a daycare, pay for daycare… you sound very entitled. Let grandma be grandma or pay her accordingly if she agrees to treat this time as more of a daycare situation.
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Wow if I was your mother or mother in law I’d be annoyed at your demands! If you require this level of “at home daycare” then give up work and do it yourself! So ungrateful and clearly no appreciation for the unpaid help!
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Yes you are being unreasonable, do you think daycare will follow your instructions ? Because I tell you now they have their own program that they follow not yours.
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You are Ungrateful and I hate to tell you hate to tell you daycare’s aren’t going to follow your instructions either. She is the grandmother not the teacher if you want her you act like a teacher and or a daycare worker then you need to pay her as such instead of just gas money.
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WOW …Petty much ?
Thank God my Daughters are the way they are. They understand I’m grown
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Did she offer to watch your son or did you ask her? Either way I’d be compensating her somehow.
I’m assuming there are other issues aside from the toys.
I don’t think you’re wrong for wanting a schedule to be stuck with and I don’t think you are wrong for wanting your child to be engaged and played with while she’s watching him.
Family or not boundaries need to be followed and it’s your child. Day cares won’t follow your rules. I’d look into a nanny or in home sitter.
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You are being ridiculous. Do you think a daycare is going to give two sh$ts what you think. You are going to be so disappointed and how rude to say you have corrected her a couple times
That’s so disrespectful from your parts to the ML.Do u even have the idea of daycare ?Just give it a try and see .U think they have the time to be one in one with your child? Or your giving the ideas how they will tread your son ?Seriously?I think your ML it’s being very respectful and was not responding to you the way I was going to respond.Ungrateful people 
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This is too much🙄 put the boy in daycare if you want someone to treat him like he’s in daycare. I mean damn, she’s his grandma, not a freaking daycare worker. She’s enjoying her time with him. Are you even paying her?? You don’t want to pay for her gas, so I’m just going to assume that she’s doing this free of charge. Also, if she’s “unreliable”, why did you ask her in the first place. This post is real sketch. There’s way more to this story.
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You have very high expectations for a free babysitter. Whether she asked or not. If you don’t like it then switch. If she’s that terrible and constantly disrespecting your boundaries why are you even questioning it?
I get you want a structured learning environment, but you can’t expect that from non parents who watch your kid for free.
I don’t even understand whst her work history has to do with any of this either. Seems like a way to make her look bad.
If the kid is fed clean and happy and not sitting in filth starving choking on puzzle pieces.
You got a pretty good gig. If you want better, then make the change.
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So what exactly is the question or problem your mad ur free babysitter/mil doesn’t do what u want ?
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She said “We give her gas money” and wants the work of an actual day care 
Mam you are outta line.
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Yes you are being so unreasonable!!! What a sacrifice your mil has made and you’re just bing rude and ungrateful to her. She isn’t trained daycare staff!! Your child is loved and cared for, you’re lucky than most!!! I’m surprised she’s putting up with it all at her age!!!
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I’m confused? You want your son to only play with one toy? Be thankful you don’t have my mom as a baby sitter then her living room gets full with toys and she even plays hide and seek with my kids 
what a bad babysitter she is. When does parenting or taking care of a child come with instructions??
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Well you’re a C U next Tuesday aren’t ya
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Get over yourself she is his grandma not his minder. I have looked after 8 grandchildren and now a gr8 grandchild a part from food or health my family have always trusted me
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I do childcare for my sister. She has never made these stupid demands. She’s said stuff like “we are taking the dummy off him so try not to give him it”. I had him on long muddy walks, we go to play groups, the park, feed to ducks, go around shops. I cherish that time and he happy runs into my house shouting wowwwwwwww every single day.
I wouldn’t tolerate you making demands. Even when I do childcare for social services which is paid I do not get demands like that. The carer will say oh can you wash their hair in the morning etc. But that’s it.
I think you are being unreasonable. I think she is spending time with her grandson and as long as he is fed, watered, entertained and happy you should never dictate like that. Loosen the reins with your boy a little. You won’t be able to control daycare/school like that either
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This comment section did not pass the vibe check. You are not in the wrong. It is your child therefore you expect things to be done your way. That doesn’t make you entitled, petty, ungrateful or any of the things they listed above. My mom is also the only person to ever watch our children and in the beginning I literally would write an itinerary just so she knew time frames, what he liked didn’t like, etc. bc I had so much anxiety leaving him but she was the only person I trusted. We still laugh about it to this day bc it was two pages and it’s now a keepsake I have three children now and there is no such thing. Lol
Anyways, she followed it and did things just like I would’ve done or wanted her to do. Not because she couldn’t care for him, obv she could, she raised me and my brother. But she did it out of RESPECT for me as HIS MOTHER.
Lmao everyone else couldn’t be me, no one is just going to have a free for all with my children. I expect rules to be followed, etc. You aren’t the devil bc you want your child to be engaged with.
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Children can learn and thrive just as well with grandparents and a non-rigid schedule. Enjoying time with grandparents/elders is so much more important than learning puzzles at a young age 
But, if it’s causing drama and I’ll feelings, best to put him in daycare full time. Reduce the stress on you and grandma.
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Everyone is acting like the Grandma is doing it for free out of the kindness of her heart. She is doing it because she wanted to retire early and she is getting paid for doing it. If the mother is paying her then she definitely has the right to set reasonable requirements/expectations. It not like she has a minute by minute schedule set.
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So rude of you, hire a nanny or au pair then throw demands around…not cool
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im sorry but she has raised children and you havent so maybe respect her knowledge on what to do
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That kid will need his grandma one day so will you
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I would do full time
Yikes. I feel so bad for that lady… i would have giving you more then 'bad looks" i would have giving you an ear full!
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Also good luck with daycare they ain’t going to give your child to love that she gives them and they can’t pay attention to one child to your demands
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Get a grip and stop being petty. Poor mother in law.
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Some people don’t have MILS to watch their children so that they can go back to work! Be grateful she has even been there from the get-go! You want daycare, pay for it.
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Wow. You are definitely TA. Your poor MIL to have to put up with that shit for you to pay her GAS money to get there and back yeah, you’re definitely helping out that retirement fund. Wtf. Even if she “wanted to retire early”, she could have done so without offering to take care of your kid for free and get bitched at/about, over literal toys and “the most disrespectful LOOK”. I say put him in daycare so she doesn’t have to deal with you anymore, but I feel bad for her and your child because they probably have a lovely bond with each other, spending all that time together, and her simply doing it out of love for him, regardless of how her “boss” treats her. Good luck with DAYCARE spending one on one time with your kid all day and playing with your one toy on the floor, interacting with him constantly, following all of YOUR rules and schedules, and giving him even half of the attention and care that she is - and paying astronomical costs to do so.
Umm child care will not follow your instructions, you will follow theirs instructions and policies,unless dietary or illness! Be grateful!!! Jeezus!
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Yep…you need to put the child in full time daycare… you have turned into momzilla. Your husband wants to quit because you are abusing his mother. Get a grip…or your baby will get kicked out of daycare because of you being unreasonable…but that is probably the only way you will learn.
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Do whatever brings you peace.
I bet your child is getting better care with his grandma… I don’t know of any daycare that give one to one care. Or would follow your list of instructions.
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To be honest I think your kiddo will be much happier staying with grandma than going to daycare. Pick your battles, let your kid be a kid and let grandma do her grandma thang. Go ahead and make a schedule but keep it very simple. When you are home with your kiddo you can make sure you do learning activities and stuff with him on your own time. I don’t think there needs to be so much pressure around this. I don’t think you’re a bad mom and I can see good intent here, but I think you’re stressing out a little too much and you need to learn to breathe and let go a little. Your baby will be just fine if his day isn’t perfectly scheduled out. And he will be happy being surrounded by people he knows, loves, and trusts, which is what is most important.
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If you’re so unhappy put him in daycare! 
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It is your son and you have the right to express your feelings as does your husband. Helicopter parenting is not good for all involved and this is what I can hear in your letter. Give your MiL a chance with no restrictions or rules if it does not work then look at daycare. Just a suggestion of coarse
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Daycare will be going on their own schedule
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Good lord she’s watching your kid for free. If you want structured learning pay for it.
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This letter has to be some type of joke. Yup I’m going to with the joke theory because if I say what I want to this b**ch, I’m gonna spend 30 days in Facebook jail. 
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You need serious help mentally
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Yes, you’re being unreasonable. Totally unreasonable 
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If you want her to treat it like she’s a daycare provider then she should be paid like one and gas money isn’t enough for all your requirements. Daycares have their own protocols and procedures. They plan out their days with multiple children so if you think you’re gonna go tell them what they’re gonna do you’re in for a rude awakening and your child is not gonna get the same one on one attention that he gets with grandma
She raised you husband well enough for you to ‘approve’ 
…sooo, Stop being a control freak … Should you decide to put your child in day care you will not be able to order around the Centre… Plus too much control of your child will lead to a frustrated and very unhappy child… CHILL
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Wait you mad cause she PUT AWAY TOYS 
🤦:flushed:
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Oh so you pay her gas mostly lol
Look at your own damn son with your weird ass requests lol
Ps daycare gonna cost you a good bit, so be grateful she’s actually helping you out!
I still can’t believe you wrote that tbh:joy:
Unfortunately… you can’t control everything xx
Shes being totally unreasonable for having her own rules and boundaries with the child she birthed and provided for, do you even think before you fucking type? This group is a joke! Its a mom shaming group so you should definitely look into a name change lol
I dont agree with her toy thing but i dont have to bc its not my kid. If i was babysitting and someone told me to do or do not do something I WOULDNT DO IT BC ITS THEIR KIDDDDDDDD GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEADS.
It sounds to me like theirs alot more to the MIL than “putting the toys away” you just see one thing ya dont like and all bully a mom who was just asking a question
I’m a new grammy and I will fo everything my daughter in law wants. Life is do short to be miserable. Especially in the presence of your daughter. Some ppl are not nice
My MIL watches my kids a couple days a week while I work, she won’t accept any money for it. Honestly idc if she lets them paint the inside of the house if I don’t have to pay for daycare
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Put him in daycare and stop whining.She’s watching your child and if you want it like daycare then that’s where he should go.Your MIL is NOT a daycare centre.She is babysitting only
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Put in full time in daycare and let’s see if they follow your rules!
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You cannot tell a daycare that, so you shouldnt be able to tell her that. She probablly thinks i raised my own kid, hes alive and well. Your making yourself look bad and controlling. Its going to cause bad vibes between you all. Your poor husband will be caught in the middle. You cant give people orders in their own house. Praying you work it out.
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You are being unreasonable. Honestly if you wanted grandma to “treat it somewhat like daycare” then you should have just put him in daycare or be paying her daycare prices. You most time pay her gas money, that is laughable as when you don’t pay for her she is paying to watch him. In your opinion she is watching him so “she could retire early” that is your opinion, and opinions are like butt holes everybody has one. Daycare isn’t going to follow your instructions either, their are policies and regulations they have to follow, so unless it pertains to his health or special needs requirements it won’t be done. Most daycares require a doctor’s note for any of that also.
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You’re unreasonable you won’t be happy with the daycare either
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Is this your first child? Let grandma be grandma and she will teach your child many things that they can’t teach at daycare. Gift her what you would pay for daycare so she has money to do stuff like zoos, museums, picnics, etc. or do part time daycare, kids need to socialize with other children not to mention it helps their immune system. Kee grandma in the loop though.
If it’s so important to you that your child is using learning toys do it on your time and that way you can control it. Let the child have a real childhood, school learning will come later. They have at least 12 years in school, no need to cram it down their throat. Don’t try to control every facet of your child’s life. Relax. You have 18 years with the child, take time and enjoy life. You’re gonna give yourself ulcers. Read Parenting with Love and Logic.
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At least you have a MIL. One that wants to help with your child, at that. Why put him in daycare, when you have a grandmother who loves, cares and wants to watch your child?
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You need help your being beyond unreasonable. I really hope you get therapy to deal with your outrageous control issues.
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Do you think you’re gonna be able to control what toys your kid plays with while at daycare😵💫 lmao. You have a grandparent willing to come to your house and watch your kid for you for free it sounds like, that you can trust she will be safe with. Most people use daycare as a last resort. I would hate you if I was your mother in law.
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Wow sorry to tell you but they won’t even follow your rules in day care u sou d a very controlling person I think u need to do serious work in that your son goes to hid grannys to have fun she’s not a day care
Oh my goodness, if you’re not satisfied with the way someone else is doing it, how about do it yourself? A daycare certainly won’t be following your rules. Let Grandma be a Grandma
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I feel sorry for your MIL.
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- What ‘boundaries’ has she disrespected exactly?
- Is your child in danger?
- Is she a daycare? Do you pay her?
- Does the specific toy matter ?
I’m trying to understand better what you are saying. I don’t want to pass judgement on you or your post based on a few words and not enougg information.
Often times what we see in others is actually a reflection of what we ourselves need to work on in out own personal development.
I’d like to know more about these boundaries. Remember boundaries are meant for us, not necessarily for others.
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If you want daycare pay for daycare otherwise hush and be happy you only pay for gas “sometimes”
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You sound like the daughter-in-law from hell. God bless your MIL and your husband, their lives must be a nightmare!!
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I think you will not be happy with daycare either. I have worked in daycare for over 20 years and you think you are having a problem just wait bc some of those teachers will not put up with you. Some of the teachers are there just for the money and do not care about the children. Then you will also have to worry about your child getting sick, the bitting that goes on, among other things. Also,I understand you want a routine etc. but getting upset over a toy is just crazy to me!!! I stopped working in daycare and started keeping children in my home yes, I did follow routine of parents wishes but, we did have and still do story time etc. you need to relax bc you will not get the care you are getting from a teacher like a grandmother. I stopped babysitting in my home when my daughter had her first baby five years ago so I could give my grandson my love and attention he needed. We had toys on the floor when was done him and I would pick them up. You have to teach them to pick up the toys and they will trust me I know from experience in both fields. My grandson is in school bc e is five years old my daughter just had a baby girl and doesn’t want to bring her to daycare so I’m staying home with her. Let the grandmother read and play with your child he will develop perfectly find. My grandson’s teacher asked my daughter where do he go to daycare at bc he is so respectful and smart. Worry about him not coloring, getting read to etc. before you worry about a rule about a toy. They can start coloring at 18 months old. The more you read to a child the more they learn and develop . Yes, let him play he also needs to develop in that way to. I wish you luck in whatever you choose to do but, please think hard about your decision. May god guide you and put a little softness in your heart. You need to sit and talk to the grandmother with your husband also and see what y’all can do to make this a better situation.
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