I’m sorry but now that you have a child, it’s not about your hurt feelings anymore. The only reason a child should ever not be around a willing parent is if they aren’t safe with said parent. Children thrive so much more with both parents in their lives. You have no idea what it’s like for a child to grow up without the other parent. I’ve watched mine struggle with it their whole lives and I would have given anything for them to have a father who wanted to be a part of their lives. As a parent you need to put the needs of your child first.
You need to leave your feelings out of it. This has to do with your child’s feelings.
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Wow, can’t believe how mean these people are. Ex ignores you or treats you like crap & only sees baby a few times? That sounds cruel.
Can you sit with him and talk about what he wants and how he plans to be in the baby’s life? Is he paying child support or just throwing you a few dollars here & there? Make sure you get child support! He owes you that much. Set up a visitation schedule with the courts. If he doesn’t adhere to it, you may have some leverage.
Note his every interaction with you and his child. Check the laws on what constitutes abandonment. He may want to see his baby now, but not after the second child is born. Find a good lawyer you can call with questions.
I’m so sorry you had to suffer abandonment by someone who treated you badly, but he sounds like a loser, and you are better off without him. If it’s painful to see him, maybe a trusted friend could do the hand offs.
One day you will find your prince. In the meantime, enjoy your little one, surround yourself with loving people and take care of yourself. Oh, and use birth control until you’re positive the next guy is “the one,” no sooner than two years and after meeting his family. Also, be sure you are always able to support yourself and your child alone so you never have to be stuck with an abusive partner.
Also get screened for depression. You’ve been through a lot of heartache, your hormones aren’t helping, and you have a lot on your plate. Good luck. Life will get better, but you have to plan for a brighter future. Sending hugs and moral support 
.
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Unfortunately, yes you are. It sounds like he is trying and you’re allowing your personal feeli6to be involved. Honestly, be happy that things happened this way because it means he is NOT FOR YOU!! Be happy you’re not stuck with a partner like that and you can move on and meet your future partner. And remember people like that rarely change. If he did it to you, he’ll most likely do it to her. As much as it hurts, put your personal feelings aside and let that man be a father to your child.
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Your taking it to personal. Ik your hurt but the baby deserves a father and if he wants to be then let him
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Sound like your making a decision out of hurt. The most important question is, is he good for the child in the long run.
If he isn’t a danger you have no right to keep him away.
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Yes you are being childish and selfish. A man doesn’t have to love you to love his child! You are all set up to make co-parenting as difficult as you can because of your feelings towards him, with no regard for your child.
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Yes. Your feelings on not being chosen Over someone else shouldn’t determine his relationship with his child.
As the wife of a man who had his son taken away from him, hidden from him, and just now as an adult making a relationship with him and his 2 grandsons yes you’re being selfish.
If he is paying his child support and he wants to see his child always be on the side of facilitating a great relationship between the child and their father. If they are not a danger to them then there should be no reason that he cannot be a great father.
Just remember he split with you , he did not split being the parent of his son , once he does that that’s on him not on you.
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You can’t take your baby away from their father because he doesn’t want to be with you, hurts your feelings or because he treats his gf better than he did you! You’re feelings are not more important than your child’s.
You need to stop get yourself a good counselor that believes in you your better than this
Although I understand that you’re hurt, your child shouldn’t be “caught in the middle”. If he’s wanting to be a part of your child’s life, you need to be the grown adult and allow him to be a father. His actions may have been wrong, but that was wrong to YOU and NOT your child. What goes on or has gone on between the two of you shouldn’t have an impact on that baby! In the long run, it COULD affect your child, negatively. So with that being said, let me provide some tough love: Don’t whine, be an adult, and let that man be a dad!
You have to get over your feelings towards him, he doesn’t have to love or be nice to you to love and be nice to his child. Don’t make it difficult for him to see his child… he has that right to be in his life and that’s what you should want for your son too. It sucks, but you need him to be a father, not your man.
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Yes. You have to separate the two. Your feelings should have no say whether he gets to be a father or not to his baby.
While your feelings are valid, it’s not about you anymore. It’s about the baby. He has a right to his child. If he treats you badly, don’t communicate with him unless it’s about the child. But how he makes you feel, isn’t a reason to keep him from his baby. It’s just as much his baby as it is yours and he deserves his father in his life.
You sound bitter, which is understandable because you’re hurt. However I think you should focus on what your child needs rather than what you want.
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As much as you are hurt. You and that baby are two separate people. He is that child’s father and still deserves to be a father even if you’re mad at him or hurt… I know it sucks but the baby will be the only hurt by being taken from their father…
As long as he is financially supporting the baby you had together the rest doesn’t matter. Just because he is t considering you doesn’t mean he can’t work on being a good father. Xx
Yes you’re doing selfish. Just because you don’t like the way YOU’RE being treated doesnt mean you get to take his child away. If he ever mistreats your baby, by all means cut him tf OFF but until that day comes, he has just as much right to be a parent as you do. You just popped a kid out babe, life ain’t about you anymore.
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It isn’t your baby’s fault you had a baby with a guy who doesn’t want you or treat you good. Don’t punish the baby by not giving him a father because you are upset he is with another woman and child. He does more than most by giving you money for the baby. Unless he is physically or mentally abusive to the baby, you have absolutely no grounds to keep him from his child.
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You are being selfish. This is about that baby NOT YOU. Unless he is a danger to the child, you shouldn’t be trying to push him out of the child’s life. You brought up he only has seen the baby five times, and I’m sure given the climate of your question you probably made it all about you and your hurt feelings. So I doubt anyone would want to come around for that. You sound jealous and bitter. Work on yourself and grow up
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it isnt about you anymore… Its about the baby. I understand he hurt you… but just because he is an ass doesnt give you a right to keep baby from him.
Do not keep your ex out of your childs because of what he has done to you. Your relationship with him is in no way a reflection of his relationship with the child. The main person hurt in that situation is your child and they will resent no one but you for keeping their father from them.
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Sounds personal and your baby shouldn’t be the one that’s getting punished for some thing you two have done. Be thankful he has anything to do with yalls child at all. Hell that’s more than most men do.
Stop hurting yourself. If he wants to be with the other women that’s his choice. Just because he decided to be with someone else doesn’t mean he cant be a father the the child you two made together. Move on and get over this man so you can do what is best for your child. As long as he doesn’t do anything to endanger the child then he has every right to see him/her and if you try to stop it from happening and it has to go to court you might end up loosing a lot. There is a real chance he could end up with 50/50 custody if he goes for it. Best advice let him see the kid on weekends or whatever hes wanting.
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Sit down and try to make arrangements for him to see his son. Keep accepting child support.
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It’s all easy for all of you to say this. Of course she needs to forget what happened and he has every right to be a father even if he is a piece of shit human being. Because even pieces of shit human beings deserve to be parents if they so chose. But saying take the emotions out of it and actually removing them from it are two things… people are human beings with emotions Especially when it’s a mother and a child. It’s a tough thing to go through and unless you have gone through it sitting there while you have a significant other by your side is super easy to do…unless you have actually had to go through anything close to this you couldn’t possibly understand. Most of you probably are married or have boyfriends and have never had this level of betrayal to understand at all. Yes, she needs to move on and he has every right to have access to the child. And this is all true. Maybe some dad’s should actually think about the things they do to these children’s mother’s if they truly cared about their kids. 
Selfish yes.
Telling a man to stay way that willing to help his child…
I feel for The dad.
Maybe he shouldn’t have sleep around but that’s no excuse to Punish an innocent child.
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You and him are over he doesn’t have to care about you. His only concern should be the baby but infants are fairly attached to mommy til 1 year if he doesn’t see him more often after a year then say that
Sorry but yes you are it’s not about you and him anymore it’s about your baby he doesn’t have to tip toe around your feelings or wants he just has to be a dad and be there for his child not you!! Sorry if that sounds harsh but it’s the truth
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VERY! It’s not about you! Grow and let him be a father to his child. He has every right to be happy and still have his kid. Just because he doesn’t want you doesn’t mean he doesn’t love his child!
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I went through a very similar situation with my ex. I found out he was cheating when I was barely two months pregnant with my son. After my son was born I’d constantly text or call him asking when he was gonna come see his child. I literally felt like I was having to beg him to see him. Finally after a couple of months of that I just stopped asking. He hasn’t seen my son since he was 3 months old (he’s 4 years old now) and I havent even heard from him in 3 years. If he really wants to be a part of that baby’s life. He will make an effort. Dont try to force it.
If he’s not focusing his attention on his child he definitely doesn’t deserve that child.
Get a lawyer and make sure you have child support. You deserve better, someone who will treat you better. Stay strong for your child. Prayers.
I feel your pains on so many levels. I was in a very similar situation… planned my very adorable little guy after many of years together… 3 months into pregnancy he got a wild hair that he wanted to move to the south… did just that for another pregnant girlfriend he had (took a trip prior to see his kids and found another lady 
) anyways he wasn’t there for anything birth NICU nothing, HOWEVER, in our sons 20 months of life he’s seen him 2x and video chats him. Just because his daddy is a douche bag, doesn’t pay support, or provide ANYTHING doesn’t mean I can shut down my sons life from knowing his father and other family.
Sadly you have to woman up and do what’s best for the child. You can do it, and it will get easier with time 
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You’re allowed to have feelings and feel upset that your ex is a piece of sht. You’re not the first one to feel like this and people who’ve never dealt with a piece of sht won’t understand. But now you have to say f*** him and show how tough you are by being the bigger person. Pull yourself together. Take that money. If it’s not legal child support make it legal so he can’t decide if he wants to spend it. Fix yourself up 
& let him has his turn being a parent and go take a much deserved break. You’ve got this. Don’t let him see that he’s affected you. He doesn’t deserve that
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You are absolutely NOT being selfish!!!
If you read all of these comments and you hear all of those people telling you you’re taking it personal and you’re making the decision out of hurt and you’re being childish and you’re being selfish, DONT LISTEN TO THEM. YOU MATTER. YOUR FEELINGS MATTER. YOUR CHILD WILL SEE YOU SUFFERING AND WILL SEE YOU UPSET AND THAT MATTERS, THAT EFFECTS CHILDREN TOO. All of you women who are sitting here telling her that she’s being selfish should be ashamed of yourself. Telling her to just put up with it, allow herself a world of hurt and pain, just for the kids sake? Is a miserable mother who’s treated like crap(with long lasting mental effects from being treated this way WHILE PREGNANT) better than a single parent household? This man treated her like crap through her whole pregnancy, she is supposed to allow a man around her treating her like crap, then bring a kid into it? You’ve got to be kidding me.
Whoever sent this in, PLEASE message me. Seriously. I’ve been where you are, your post describes my exact current situation, with very few differences. Maybe I’m assuming, but if she’s saying that he is treating her horrible through the pregnancy and he’s playing games by sending money but only seeing the kid 5 times but swearing up and down he wants to be in this kids life? Some of you didn’t even read the whole thing.
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Girl grow tf up. You are a mother now. Quit worrying about how he is treating the other & make sure YOUR child is taken care of. Damn. Baby mama drama at its finest. 
PETTY it has everything to do with the child, and absolutely NOTHING to do with your “feelings” 
If he has only seen his child maybe five times, maybe question how you are approaching it… He might see his child more if you weren’t being so petty🤷♀️ I was raised by a single father… I have much respect for fathers… Zero respect for mothers who use their children as Pawns!
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Your feelings toward him have nothing to do with him & his child. At least he wants something to do with his kid. Sounds like you need to grow up. Tell a judge you don’t want the father around because your feelings are hurt & see how that goes for you.
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You’re acting like a bitter baby momma. You clearly weren’t the woman he was looking for. Don’t bother him at all. Let him do what he wants as he pleases. If he doesn’t see your little for 3 months then he doesn’t see little for 3 months… that’s how It is. He IS NOT obligated to you whatsoever, he is obligated to his child and if he wants to see his child, if you’re able to make the time, do It. If he wants to send you money to help let him.
You’re sour bc this other female is living the family dream you’ve wanted… get over It and move on.
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I’m sorry to say this, but it doesn’t matter how you feel! It didn’t work out between the two of you, and that always sucks when there is a child involved but it happens. It’s no longer about you and/or him. It’s about the child. I understand you’re hurt, but there is a much bigger picture. Do not be the mother that keeps the child from the father to be spiteful or bitter. As bad as it may sound, let dad do dad. If he wants to be involved, allow it. If he doesn’t want to be involved, allow it. The only time that you should take control is if you see the child hurting because of Dads actions… like him being inconsistent with visitation or something along those lines. If you’re prepared to do it alone, then set no expectations. So yes, you’re being selfish for wanting to cut him out of the baby’s life just because it didn’t work out with you two but it is working out with him and his new girlfriend.
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Yes the child comes first.
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My ex treated me like crap. Put his hands on me and I’d have to defend myself. He would let his friends threaten to punch me in the stomach while pregnant. Then after the baby was born the first words out of his mouth to me were “can I go smoke some weed”. Our son was laying on the bed and he pushed me back almost landing on my baby. That was it for me. Now he’s with another girl treating her like I asked him to treat me and he doesn’t help me at all with the baby. He doesn’t ask to see him or how he’s doing until his mom says something. Then he DEMANDS to see the baby. My boyfriend treats my boy so well and my boy likes him.
You are hurt, but don’t keep your child from him. There needs to be some relationship there or as he grows he may resent you for keeping him away
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One of my exes got me and his ex pregnant at the same time. Denied my kid who looked exactly like him and married his ex a week after we gave birth (2 days apart). I shrugged my shoulders and moved on with my life. Never wanted anything from him. If a man feels obligated to take care of a child then he doesn’t need to have one. Imo
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All I heard was “me.me, I, I My My”
So the answer is yes you are selfish
Grow up and stop being bitter
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You are being selfish and petty a tiny bit, don’t take it out on the child just bc he with someone else, I was in similar situation with my daughter father but I never once wanted to take his daughter from him just bc he was treating who he was with better. Let him be there in his child’s life instead of being bitter. Sometimes you just have to put your pride to the side and be a single mom and take his money he gives you for his child and let him be there it would be wrong to take his child from him
You can’t do that to him. You can’t ban him from being a parent to his child with you, just because you have your feelings hurt. He wants to be a father to your baby that you had together, and as long as he’s sober and loving and supportive of this baby, you should encourage that relationship. Regardless of how he treated you, this situation isn’t about YOU. It’s about your baby and how they’ll be affected by your selfishness. Ban the father from being an active part of their child’s life and I’d bet anything, once the kid is old enough, YOU will be the one your kid is angry at when they learn why they didn’t get to have a relationship with their father. Smarten up, princess.
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Honestly you should be thankful he is sending you money to help you out secondly I understand you are hurting but you shouldn’t cut him out of your babies life because of that you are only hurting your child
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Yes you are being selfish 
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Yes you’re selfish and you’re blind If you ask to ask that too. It’s not about you or your feelings. Move on and let that man be a father if he wants to be one. Geeze
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I was in the exact same situation and I let him be involved and now he’s a great father to all his kids unfortunately it’s not about you or your feelings
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Honey if that was easy we would all do it
I really really feel it for you.
Pregnancy is the hardest time for a woman. You never forget how your partner treated you while you were pregnant.
But the truth is that as much as it sucks seeing this man with another woman being happy, your child is his child too.
Obviously you still have feelings for him, and that makes everything so much worse.
Give it time, you will meet the right person for you, the person that will make you feel loved and appreciate it.
Be strong and keep on moving on.
Yes you are being selfish. Unless he is dangerous and a risk to the child, you should let him be apart of the child’s life. Be happy he wants to. There are father’s that want nothing to do with their children.
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Yes! Your a mum now, baby comes first! As hard as it is emotionally for you, you have to rise above it and put your child’s needs first or he/she will recent you for it later on.
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Wow, this world is going to shit. There are some really nasty people on here. All I can say is, you may not be able to keep the child out of his life permanently if he wants to be in the child’s life but I feel how heartbroken and overwhelmed you must feel and I want to validate those feelings and tell you that you are not selfish for having them, only human. Sending you a big virtual hug and I sincerely hope you are able to get the time, space, and clarity you need to heal so you can be the best mother you can be for your child.
If he’s disrespecting you then yes cut him off. Then the ball is in his court if he wants to take you to court or not. Most men don’t push it. They don’t legal responsibility. In the meantime get yourself into counseling. A good counselor will help you process your feelings & deal with him in the future. If he takes you to court ask your counselor to go with you. A DV counselor will. That way they can testify to the mental harm he’s caused you & the potential of him harming your child. A DV counselor may also help you with a lawyer. Ask for supervised visits while baby is tiny. Then safe transfer so you don’t have to deal with him directly & they can detect any abuse. I know the YWCA does this.
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This is my advice to you & you only. I feel like I might get some heat from this but to each their own opinion Save the reply’s, I probably won’t answer. But You are their mother, you have every right to decide who gets to be in your child’s life. I’m a little confused because you say he’s only seen your kid 5 times but then he says he’ll fight to see them? I say If he wants to see them as a baby let him see them but this could be the test, if he makes a habit out of just seeing them every few months or so, not showing up when he says he will ect, dead beat actions maybe you should cut him out, it could be worse psychologically for your child. Your child could build resentments too just for him being there for that other kid more. Your emotions matter too, don’t feel forced into seeing this player all the time if your not comfortable with it, he’s not worth your grief. I dont think it’s selfish to do what you feel is best for you and your child. Make yourself happy and whatever you choose is all up to you
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No, your hormonal. I think it’s totally normal to feel this way. I just went through a similar situation. If you need sometime to talk to please message me! It’s so hard to go through this, not slot of people truly understand it. Try to focus on you and the baby and a bright positive future. Looks can be deceiving. They are probably not as happy as you think.
My daughter’s father is no longer in her life I gave him chance after chance to see her he would for about a week then go 3 months not asking about her or anything after a year I stopped letting him around because I think it will hurt my daughter more if he keeps doing that she might think he does not like her or other stuff and I think it is better for her now when she gets older and wants to meet him I will let her and I wont try to hide who her dad is
Yes you are being selfish but why take it out on your son by stopping him from having a relationship with his father just because he’s hurt your feelings. If your really planning on stopping him from seeing his son then I guess you better prepare yourself for the battle in court
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He’s the father and deserves to see his son. He’s hurt you I understand but now you do what’s best for your child. Be thankful that he wants to see his son and give you money, so many men don’t care.
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If he wants to be involved with the child and isn’t a dangerous person you CANNOT and SHOULD NOT put your child in the middle of yours and his differences…not fair to the child…
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Yes, you are being selfish. It isn’t about you, it is about your child. He may not want to be with you, and yes that is painful for you, but he does want to be involved with his child. Imagine what that child would feel when they get older. You first thought and concern needs to be for your child and their future. Your pain will go away as you move on with your life. Don’t make your child suffer because you have been scorned.
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Sorry he hurt you but that isn’t your child’s fault, be happy that he atleast doesn’t want to hurt your baby and wants to stay in his life. Do you know how many baby daddies walk out of their child’s lives and don’t even want to pay child support? He sounds like a jerk but he atleast wants to try and be a good dad, don’t take that away from your child❗️
If he is supporting your child that says a lot. He deserves respect…
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It’s not about you anymore it’s about the baby and the baby deserves to have their father in it’s life. Especially one who wants to be there…
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Just don’t fill him out on the birth certificate
I hate how people word their opinions on this group. In general half the women, or more, on this group are straight up assholes to other moms.
I understand your story partially. My ex and I split up, I’m still pregnant, due to him being a narcissistic ass and wanting everything his way (down to him trying to take full control over what we’d name our son, he thought Maximilian was a good and appropriate name for a child). He started seeing someone a few months down the road. And I started seeing someone new as well. He thought he’d still control me and what was going to happen with our child. I told him flat out no. Either we would make the decisions together or I make the decisions alone. He’s also never been to a single baby appointment after being invited and I HAVE to message him to let him know how appointments have gone because he can’t be bothered to put forth effort to ask. His effort is offering me money for our not yet born child when he himself doesn’t have a job anymore due to covid (living off unemployment) and doesn’t have his own apartment (living with a roommate who smokes in the apartment and his grandmother smoked pot 24/7 and smokes inside at her house) for our child to go to for his visits. But I positively plan on allowing him to be a dad, but I refuse to chase him to do so.
If he wants to be a part of the child’s life, let him, so long as he’s trying to be a good dad. If he is disrespecting you, or is disrespecting you in front of your child, that isn’t okay. Do NOT allow him to be a douche canoe to you personally or in front of your child.
BUT you DO NOT have to be your baby daddy’s best friend. You can coparent and not be friends or be in each other’s lives/business. Have drop off points, you can have your parents or siblings meet him for drop offs and pick ups. And then provide him details of doctor appointments when they happen, so he knows health stuff. Provide him school function times once and then it’s his duty to remember them and show up for them. and that’s basically it.
Your child deserves to have a father. At the risk of sounding rude, you’re being selfish. Your feelings don’t change the fact that he’s your child’s father. He deserves to be a parent just as much as you do.
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as long as he is not abusive towards you or your baby he has a right to be in his child’s life. Relationships don’t always work out but it’s not fair to make your child grow up without a father because you are not over your ex. It may be hard but you need to take your own feelings out and do what’s best for the baby
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My ex husband didn’t treat me well at all, hence why we’re divorced. He has a new gf that he treats like a queen, it I’m not going to “take his rights away”. The kid deserves to have a dad in their life
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He doesn’t need to be there for you in order to be there for the baby. Sucks but its true.
You’re using the baby as a weapon & that makes you a shitty person. Just as bad as him.
Also if he wants to there for his child, he doesn’t need your approval. The baby is also his child too.
What’s next you’re going to cut him out? Then force him to pay child support because you have issues? Sounds like it.
Keep a journal of all of your contacts.
I hate to say this but yes you’re being selfish. When a relationship is no longer functioning it isn’t about the parent and their personal feelings it’s solely 100% about the child. If he’s trying to be a father then allow him to be when so many men don’t want to be. If you refuse him to have access to his child you’re only hurting the child! It’s difficult and frustrating I understand,but you have to just stand strong and be a momma to your baby boy and showing him that 2 separated parents and coparent civilly for the child’s well being. Every choice you make as a mother will have an impact on your child.
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It’s not about you or him anymore. Do what’s best for the child
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This is not about you. Your relationship is over. Move on. Baby is half yours a d half his. Start over and work on taking care of yourself and baby. You deserve all good things. Time will heal your pain.
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You sound like you’re 12. It’s time to grow up or give that baby to someone who can at least act grown.
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He probably is just as rude to her. It’s just hidden or hasnt came out yet. Theres a honeymoon period where its all sweet or appears all sweet. So I wouldnt worry about that. As far as your guys child, hes both your child you shouldnt prevent any visits even if they are far between. I can from a broken home and even though I feel like I didnt get enough visits with my dad. I would hate if they were prevented, dont do that a child needs both parents unless one is dangerous to the child. Also the child will be his sibling, imagine for a second someone kept you from your siblings and a parent, how would you feel? How would you feel about them? And lying to the kid about your part after the fact wont help, they will always think and wonder why they werent wanted
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How would you feel if he took the baby and wanted to keep him from you because you hurt his feelings/he’s jealous of your boyfriend that you treat like a king? There’s no mention of drugs or violence. Yes you sound selfish
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Keep taking his money
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You are being selfish towards your ex and mostly towards your child. He’s your ex for a reason it just wasn’t meant to be between the two of you. Let him love his child it truly hasn’t got anything to do with you what he does in life now. He wants to a relationship with his child but not you and there is nothing wrong with that - you are still hung up on someone who has moved on - the best thing for you is to let your feelings go for this man, let him be a dad to your child you had by him and let it be. Actually you and your child are very blessed that he wants to be a part of that little one’s life bc there are so many out there that don’t…he is just over you.
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It’s not about you or your feelings. So long as he wants to be a part of his child’s life you have to let him. That is your child’s father and you could loose custody over perental alianation
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His life is not your problem nor your business anymore 
get a custody agreement in writing, file for child support before that baby is born so you know that money won’t stop coming when that baby does and then worry about yourself.
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It’s not about you and your feelings anymore.
You have a child and a man that is actually giving you money and your feelings are hurt?
Get postpartum counseling, pull your big girl up and do what’s best for the baby. The baby deserves both parents
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It sucks and I’ve been there, but you’ll have to learn how to live with him. He’s not going anywhere, he doesn’t want cut out from the sounds of it (whether that’s just a control tactic or he actually cares about his kid is unclear) but you’re going to be stuck with this man for the next 18 years so you should at least take some steps to coexist without it constantly being a battle.
If you feel he is a threat to you or the child, if he has any sort of criminal background or any proof (mental health, threats, verbal or physical abuse, anger problems, etc) you have to further build a case, then I would say don’t allow him to come around the child and force him to take you to court. (DNA testing buys time if he isn’t already listed as the father) In your position, you’re not together, child is newborn and he hasn’t really been too involved… theres nothing he can do if you say he can’t see his child other than him taking the steps to take you to court. Of course, if you hold a child contempt for no good reason other than you’re just upset, that will backfire on you in the court system. Also seems like he is responsible enough to pay child support without a court order, which helps him in court and not necessarily you… though depending, you could receive more money.
This is ALL personal experience. I went through it all, hated my child’s father, wanted to take his ass down. Got 99% done with the lawyer and court process and then we finally came together and ended up dropping the case.
But we SHOULDN’T have. We should stay congenial, but need that plan. If you have a past of not seeing eye to eye, a parenting plan is futile in my opinion.
So make sure whatever you do, you do it right. Court is expensive and whether we like it or not (or like the fathers of our children) they’re entitled to half… it’s up to you how difficult you want to make it.
Best of luck.
Keep taking his child support and let him float in and out as he pleases, but under no circumstances let him tell you how to raise that little boy, he will soon get tired of the charade and either step up or leave permanently, I’d he decides to leave have his rights terminated, in my country after 2 years your free to terminate his right if hes had no contact
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I understand your feelings, it is an incredibly hard time. (I was in your shoes once) as much as it would have made my life easier to not have him involved because it hurt so much, and he put the new wife and new kid first all the time. I didn’t want my kids not to have the opportunity to have their dad in their life! Every child deserves to have both parents in their life. Sadly their dad continued to put his new family first and they always came last. I always defended him because he is their dad. Eventually on their Own they lost any interest in seeing him.
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It’s about the child not you. His not responsible for your happiness. If his doing what his suppose to do as a parent and your keeping the child away from him it’s going to turn very ugly for you.
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I beleabe you should get a lawyer and work out custody and visitation agreement, you say he only seen som five times getting a lawyer will make things easier if he shows up good for him if not you will be granted full custody.
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Yes if he’s willing to be a father and be there for his child no reason you shouldn’t allow him to just because your jealous your relationship with him didn’t turn out as planned or as good add the ones he’s currently in. Sorry no offense just being honest and blunt
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Its completely selfish to push a parent out of a child’s life.
The child comes first, before anyone elses feelings.
Unless a parent is unstable, and not safe then you have no right to push them out.
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Yes u r being selfish just because u don’t like him doesn’t mean the baby has to suffer what he does is nothing to do with u now get over yourself and let him be a father to his child
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I’m sorry he treated you the way he did. That was uncalled for and should never happen.
Normally shit heads treat their hoes nice in the beginning. then he will get sloppy and show his true colors. His treating her like a queen won’t last long.
Enjoy that he partially is in his life. Not all fathers are the best. He is at least trying. It’s nice he is sending you money that way you can get things you need for the baby.
My son is two and his dad hasn’t seen him since he was two months. Let alone ask about him or me. He doesn’t pay child support. I have no clue where he is at. All he cares about is heroine! It’s hard raising him on my own. Especially since I have two other kids. I’m just glad the price of shit is not in his life. My son is better off with out a druggie.
Good luck and I hope things get better for you and baby.
Yes, you’re being selfish. If he’s willing to fight then some part of him cares about his baby. He left you, not the baby. Children need both parents. As long as he isn’t on drugs or abusive he has the right to see his child.
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You cant make someone treat you right if you ain’t the one they want. The time you’re together doesn’t matter, kids dont matter, etc… if you ain’t who they want they wont act right. You obviously arent who he wanted and it is selfish to take away a parent from your child because hes with what he wants. That’s not how things work. You dont punish your kid for yall not working out. That’s not parenting, that’s let me keep something you actually love from you, because you didnt give me what I want…
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Girl just walk away dont say anything dont worry about him focus on ur son if he want to b n his life make him earn it and he’ll either step up or not quit liking this guy control ur life with his shit take control ur the mother u do what is best for ur sons happyness even if that means walking away
Just cause he moves on doesn’t mean you should keep his child from him! You sound like all the other baby mamas out there! So YES YOU ARE BEING SELFISH. Let your child grow up with his sibling. It’s not about you anymore, it’s about your child. He willing to be in his child’s life LET HIM!!! How sad that you are willing to have your child grow up without his father because his dad MOVED ON! Then when your child gets older and wants to know why his father wasn’t in his life and you say oh because he moved on and didn’t want me anymore. Fucking sad.