I am a stay at home mom of a 5 month old little girl. My boyfriend/father of my daughter works full time. I understand that I dont work but I do take care of the house, laundry, dinner, our other child. He has it very easy here. He comes home to a hot meal every night and a clean house. Am I crazy for asking for a little help with our baby? He says it’s my “job” and hes out all day to provide for us. I get that he works crazy hours and is tired but I get tired too. This is an ongoing battle and I’m physically and mentally EXHAUSTED. Am I in the wrong ? Any advice is appreciated.
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No. He’s the dad, it’s his duty to help take care of baby.
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Nope. He should help. It’s his child too.
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Did he help with yalls other child?
No. He is still in fact the father and needs to participate in raising said child
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You both work. Just different jobs. When he is home you BOTH take care of the family that you BOTH decided to have.
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Uhhhh big fat Nooooooo it’s his child not “your job” that’s ridiculous!!!
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Throw the boyfriend out and get a new one. He is defective, maybe try warranty 
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You both work. You both have jobs. When he’s home , neither of you are “working”, and those responsibilities should be shared at that point.
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No, he helped make the baby, so he can help raise the baby! 
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I could never be with someone who wouldn’t help with his kids. I would’ve left the day he told me it was “my job”
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My husband works 5 days a week from 630pm-6am. He wakes up at 1pm and still helps with our kids until he goes to work and help with the house and cook until he goes to work. He does the same thing on his days off and even let’s me sleep in. So no you’re not wrong for asking for help and he needs to do it too
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You’re not wrong. You’re on call 24/7 no days off. He gets to come home and have a stress free evening then sleep a full night every night? Kids are 24/7 there are no breaks and that should go for both parents regardless of who stays home. You already take care of everything while he’s working. Does that not count as a full time job as well? Because it is.
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He absolutely still has the help. You take care of everything while he is out making a living. So when he is home yall both should be taking care of everything else together.
Why does his job end but yours doesn’t?
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No. He helped create the baby he can help take care of it.
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Your children together are not a “job”. She is a person who should have the care and affection of both her parents. I don’t understand “men” like this. You’ve BOTH been working all day, he gets to come home and relax…while you continue working? Nope.
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My husband works physical labor. Grading, pouring concrete, everything like that. He works from 7am to sometimes 8 at night and he has never once not helped with the kids. It’s a full-time job for both of y’all. Not just you.
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Should have had answers to questions before having children , home etc.
No …he is the dad and needs to spend time with both children!!! Just cuz you are at home mom doesn’t mean your not "working’. You staying home saves on daycare and provide a clean and safe environment for the family… He’s a dad …he’s needs to get over the money and remember that no child remembers that that remember the amount of time you spend on them
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This may sound awful. But stop cooking meals, doing his laundry, and anything else that revolves around him. Hes a big boy he can do his own stuff see how quick hell change his tune. He helped make the children he should help take care of them. Better yet on one of his days off challenge him to what you do in a day and you sit on the couch as if your at work. See how quickly he loses his mind. As mothers people are quick to think were superhumans and were not
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Yes he should, he’s the dad, he has to help, with the baby, with the house. With it all… otherwise no point in him being there. You may as well be single if you have to do it all yourself
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No you’re not crazy. You both work during the day. The child is both your responsibility. That’s that.
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Nope! When I gave birth I wasn’t working, just staying home with the baby and my boyfriend worked full time. He took 2 weeks off after the birth of our son he was a huge help! Mind you, he didn’t stop helping after he went back to work. So no, you’re not crazy, it’s his child too
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I worked two jobs and took care of my babies. By myself. Do it again if I had to. But yes he needs to help.
Following! I feel your pain girl.
You are not wrong to ask for a little help. He is the father it’s his job too. He is just as responsible for her creation as you are. Plus if he’s not participating in her raising he is missing out on critical bonding time with her. She is not going to remember what he provided financially. But she will remember what he didn’t provide emotionally.
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Trade with him. Let him be a stay at home dad and you can go out and provide for everyone. Just to see how it feels. Or be a single mom and have to do both, do everything you do now and provide for all the needs. You have a good situation, I definitely wouldn’t Rock the boat
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My partner comer in from work and switches straight to daddy mode no rest I sort tea while he sorts the kids 50/50 all the way
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Lol explain that his job ends at a specific time. Yours doesnt. A break is nice.
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My husband loves spending time with our son. Rarely do i need to ask for help. He just does it. It’s our child
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You’re not wrong at all. You didn’t make the kids yourself. Parenting is 50/50
My husband worked 10+ hours most days and as soon as he walked in the door from work he took the baby out my arms 
and we switched off nightly on who was getting up to feed/change. It didn’t matter to my husband that he worked and I stayed home we SHARED baby responsibilities. At the end of the day though a couple should do whatever they BOTH agree on as far as roles and responsibilities. Tell him how you feel.
Some men just lazy when it comes to taking care of baby. Hang in there. It will get easier once your child becomes more independent.
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Not at all he should be helping. I have a 5 month old son, doing exactly what you and your boyfriend are doing (me stay at home him going to work) and my husband from the moment he gets home and showers takes care of our son. He helps me with anything needed up till the moment he goes to bed and if our son wakes up at night even tho my husband has to be up for work at 2am he still gets up and helps me. There is absolutely no reason your SO shouldn’t be helping you. He helped you make your daughter… he should help you care for her
If it’s your job, then you get to clock out, right? You get paid a fair salary?
That’s not your job 24/7 while he gets to leave his job. The amount of parents who act this way is disgusting. You are both equal partners to the parenting, you both live in the household and are responsible for it.
There was just an article posted on another site about how the husband isn’t “helping” his wife by doing things around the house, because they’re his dishes, he eats too, it’s his laundry too, their kids, etc… I’m going to try finding the article now (hopefully someone else knows it and can find it faster 
)
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I hardly get any help with ours little girl. She’s 1 now. He works nights, comes home & sleeps til 11 sometimes later. Then as soon as he wakes up he gets on Xbox til about 6-7 Pm. I can’t ask him to help with our daughter without him whining and complaining about it. The amount of times he’s been playing a game on Xbox and I’ve been in the kitchen trying to clean while also trying to keep the kid out of everything is ridiculous.
Being a stay at home parent was more exhausting for me than being a parent who also had a full time job.
He ABSOLUTELY can help with your child together. You BOTH have a right to some “me time” after a hard day
And if he doesn’t get that after explaining that to him, it’s a HUGE red flag. You’re his partner. Not his slave.
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My hubby gets half-hour to an hour rest when he gets home. That’s the deal we made so he can shower and chill for a bit. After that he helps with everything! Now our girls are older tho (2,4) they are on him as soon as he is in the door so tell him he needs to start preparing.
Yes and no I have seen both sides of it
if it was me ,i would tell you give me like a hr to wind down ,then im all yours,i was in this situation with twins,yes he should help its his kid to,just my 2 cents
Omg if you have children you look after them! I’m a single mom of two girls and I work full time. I don’t just work all day and come home and say sorry mommy’s done for the day!!! 
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You can always leave and do both yourself.
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My husband goes to school and works 2 jobs but he still comes home and helps out with our dude! If he ever had the audacity to tell me that caring for OUR child was my job… there would be hell to pay. You both brought the little one into the world you both get to share in raising it. Good luck mama I hope he comes around!
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My husband works full time, I stay home.
I’ve worked full time before I would much rather stay home and raise my babies. That being said IF I am overwhelmed and need help then he’ll help. But I don’t usually ask him to do anything. Maybe it’s just me but I feel like I have it easier than he does, I hate people and he has to deal with them all day lol
You’re not alone! I have 3 kids my youngest is a month old. I also work full time but I am currently on maternity leave and wont go back to work until the beginning of January. Most days I feel like a single mother. I have been doing majority of the house work along with breastfeeding and pumping when I can so I feel like my heads chopped off! I’m also trying to get everyone in a routine but that’s not working and I’m on day 2 of getting this routine set but I feel alone. Although he does help from time to time he is also the type of person that I have to actually ask for help when I need it. You would think that if I’m panting back and forth trying to get things done around the house at 8-9pm at night that I would need help, but no these guys are completely blind. Let alone I make him lunch and he doesn’t thank me or say anything about it. Or even say anything about the house being clean. 
I could go on and on. But you’re not alone!
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I can’t STAND men like this. If he doesn’t wake the fuck up and act like a REAL father instead of just a bank account, it will be over sooner than later.
You can have 2 days a week for yourself that he can spend quality time with his daughter so you can relax and take a break.
No he should help and want to interact with her. That’s the big problem I see, him not wanting to spend time his baby.
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Me and my husband argued about this ALL the time… until he was laid off and spent time at home and realized what I do all day and night. I’m not saying here take the baby and go, but its nice to have help when I’m cooking dinner or helping our older daughter with homework
Mine used to come straight home and help out with everything still does
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Having a day job doesn’t excuse him from being a parent.
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You are not wrong, he needs to help.
Umm thats his kid too… So he should be a dad. Regardless of what you do all day, he needs to be dad. Just my opinion!
Umm no you’re not wrong. My husband owns a flooring business, where he actually does all the work. It’s very labor intensive on him. Some weeks he works 60 hours. I’m a sahm to our 5 year old and 4 month old. When he gets home from work, he still plays with our kids. And I mean wrestle type of play because our kids are boys. So no excuses for him.
He should want to spend time with and help with his child as well…shouldn’t be hands off since I work outside the home and you dont…
No you are not crazy to expect your husband to help out after work. It’s his house and his children also, he can help. His job ends after 8 hours or however long but yours is 24/7, nope. My husband always helps out when he is home, whether he worked that day or not. I wouldn’t expect him to scrub the floors but he can definitely help.
no i believe both parents shud share responsibility
You’re not wrong but if he feels that way about it he will prob never change that
When you leave your work place and enter your home, you are a father and husband and you give it 100% all. The. Time.
It’s his responsibility and if he can’t own it , he ain’t a father. It takes more than just DNA.
God the negativity on this post is gross. She IS NOT a single mom. She’s asking if her HUSBAND should help as well. Which YES he should. Y’all are BOTH working. Different jobs maybe. But it’s his daughter too, he should help clean a few things. Watch the baby for a bit. My husband works 12-16 hours a day. He comes home to a clean house, hot meal, his clothes laid out for his shower, laundry always done. 9/10 times the baby is already bathed and clean. He comes home, he eats, and we hangout. Then he showers. If he notices there’s some things I haven’t done, he will ask if I need help. I will say bring a stay at home mom is harder than any job I’ve worked. My husband also feels accomplished. He works over time and makes bigger checks. I know I will never get a pay check or “my own money.” He literally works for the money. That’s it. I’m thankful and grateful to have such a wonderful hard working man. But marriage isn’t 50/50 it’s 100/100 you both give your all. An there’s days you might give 80 so your husband picks up the extra 20. There might be days he can only give 40 so you pick up the extra 60. It is TEAMWORK. You ABSOLUTELY deserve a little break and for your husband to help. A man will never understand motherhood. No matter how hard or how many hours he works. My husband is a wonderful man and I let him know that. He’s a good enough man to also know that it’s his job as a father and husband to help out his wife and child. You are not in the wrong mama.
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I work full time and have two children and no help with house work or laundry shopping or cooking, he plays and entertains my 4 year old but that’s it …
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He is still a parent… Regardless if he has a full time job or not… Being a parent is a full time job and not just the mother’s responsibility…
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Ummm he is the FATHER and it is HIS responsibility to raise His kids just as much as it is yours! I would be raising hell! Put your foot down now or it will only get worse and you will grow extremely resentful
We struggled with this with our first and second baby, by our third my husband finally got it. He works all day and I stay at home but at the end of the day were both tired and exhausted and both of us need a break. What works for us is me doing it basically on my own during the week and he helps me on the weekends. By help I mean he gets up with the baby so I can rest, helps me catch up on housework and so on. I mean he doesn’t just sit here and ignore his kids when he gets home from work but he really honestly doesn’t do much during the week and I’m fine with that. You could be working and trying to do both. Count your blessings.
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I love how some comments saying to “get a job” like it’s that easy. Some people don’t have the luxury of having family watch the baby or the extra money to just splurge on daycares.
My hubby works 13 hours a day and is off 2 days a week. When he comes home our son is already asleep but in the morning before work he helps with breakfast, getting him ready, giving me an extra 10 minutes or so to sleep in. And then his days off he insists on diaper changes, bath time, playtime we all do, feeding him… because it’s his child too. He works hard to help us stay afloat but he still wants to have the moments that he misses every day. He wants to be a father.
Ask ya self if your man works that hard to not appreciate the hard work you do as a mom, and not want to help. It’s his kid too.
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I can’t believe men are like this. It is so much easier to go to work then to be a stay at home parent. This situation is going to cause resentment and will end bad. For the first 4 years of my sons life my husband worked 730-5 and I worked 430-12 so he had no choice but to be involved. Now that we are both on first shift, it hasn’t changed. We cook together, clean up together and take care of Paxton together. He needs to be reminded you are a team not just doing life separate 
I think it is ridiculous to have a child with someone and not help them raise your child. Why have a child and then not spend time with them when you get home? Children are not a “job”. Be involved, regardless of how much you work. I could never be with someone who does not want to help with their kids regardless of who works or doesn’t. Parents should raise kids as a team and the person who is with them more, should still get a break when possible. A child doesn’t deserve a burnt out, overwhelmed parent and they also need both parents actively involved in their lives.
You are not wrong for feeling that way. Maybe explain to him that yes, while he goes out and works to provide for you guys. He clocks out and gets to rest. Also explain that although you do not leave the house to work. You have a full time job that can be anywhere from 12-18 hour shifts 365 days a year. So you need a little help so that you can take a little break from time to time.
The never-ending battle. It’s the biggest thing we have to teach our boys. It’s a partnership. You are not a slave. You are not crazy. Let the house explode and teach him what it means to have children.
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I get he works hard n wants to come home to relax…but he should have thought of that b4 having kids. U work just as hard and for u, its 24/7. He doesnt understand that him not “helping out w the kids” just means he isnt spending time w the kids. Kids are a lot of work, but having him spend some time w them so u can take a break shouldn’t be necessarily looked at as more work for him…should be more looked at as his chance to be bonding w them. I get both sides, but him just spending time w them is enough for u to get your break. If he cant do that, then u r pretty much a single parent living w a roommate that takes care of all the finances. U r not wrong here. Your “job” doesnt have a punch out time n being done for the day…his does…being a parent is around the clock. He should be spending time w them n being a parent also. Providing isnt just financial support. He needs to provide emotional n parental support also. Like someone above me said, u never stop being a parent and that goes for him too
He should share the responsibilities when he is home. My fiancee helps when he is home after work. When I stayed at home the only time he got any slack was at bedtime. I dealt with the nighttimes and daytime stuff. He worked his ass off then came home and pitched in.
How is this even a question? You have equal responsibility when it comes to your children. Leave him now while she’s still young. You shouldn’t want to be with anyone who doesn’t want to care for their children
Um no. It’s his baby and house too.
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Everyone deserves a break/help. He may want some wind down time when he walks in the door but he should deff he helping. You dont work a job and come home and quit. It should be team work
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And being a stay at home mom IS A JOB. yeah we don’t get a paycheck or a 401k but it is WORK.
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Parenting is also his job
Suggest he switch jobs to a compress shift so that hes off few days in a row
That would allow him to be able chill and have enough energy
Maybe u should go get a part time and kids in daycare
It’s his kid too
I think hes forgetting that holding and playing with kids that r yours is part of being a dad
Maybe hes thinking diaper duty
Bottle prep and bath time is too much duties
At least hold his daughter
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It is his job to help with the family to.the father of my children helped no matter what.you really do need his help
My ex thought that being a stay at home parent was all Bon Bons and Soap Operas. That it was SOOOOOO easy to stay home all day. Even though you’re taking care of a baby or toddler, getting the laundry done. Getting the cleaning done. Planning the meals. Packing the kids up to go to the grocery. Doing the shopping. Coming home. Cooking the meals you planned and shopped for. All while making sure the tiny humans you created didn’t stick a fork in the light socket or find a knife on the kitchen floor, or fall down the stairs, or take crayons and write on the walls. When I was pregnant with our second child I was VERY ill and it was a tough pregnancy. I still couldn’t get help.
Fast Forward 10 years later we have another toddler in the house but I’m working full time. He loses his job and “is going to be a stay at home dad”. I come home from work and he’s passed out asleep on the couch and our 2 year old is SCREAMING in her crib with piss up to her elbows. The laundry is not done. The shopping is not done. I can’t put her in daycare because I can’t afford it. I can’t get assistance for daycare because she has a parent who doesn’t work. And that parent couldn’t give a shit about her. I kicked him out and filed for divorce.
If I’m doing it alone. I’m doing it alone. I should have recognized the red flag when our oldest ones were toddlers.
You are absolutely not in the wrong and do not let him think you are. You both made that baby. Just because he goes to a job outside of the home, does not mean he has no responsibility to take care of that child also. Being a stay at home mom is a full time job too and you need a break every once in a while. Stand your ground. Sit down and have a serious talk with him. You are both parents regardless of what your “jobs” are. Do not let him guilt you into thinking you are the only person that should take care of the tiny humans YOU BOTH MADE.
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Same here. Its constant battling. He feels if I’m not working he shouldn’t have to do anything else if hes paying all bills. I’ve found a lot of guys feel that way. Its really stupid but I guess guys just think differently.
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Does he not help because he doesn’t know or understand what to do? Some men just need more time than others to get acquainted with their child and learn how to nurture them. A baby can be really intimidating, while not an excuse, maybe he just doesn’t know what to do.
I think by his actions, he doesn’t know what all it takes to raise the baby, therefore doesn’t understand just how exhausted you are.
Saying leave him isn’t beneficial. But having this honest conversation with him, and setting appropriate expectations is.
Maybe ask specific things he can help with. For instance while you’re making dinner, ask if he can feed or bathe the baby. Specifying needs with help and gentle instruction can go a long way in helping him in his role, and helping build that bond and understanding what it takes to parent.
If he’s unwilling to learn, then appropriate conversations on your expectations, needs and wants need to be discussed. If he’s completely dismissive to your needs and feelings, then you have some soul searching and choices to make.
Best of luck.
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I work full time and my fiancé stays home with our son and works from home. I take care of him every morning, go to work, shop, run errands, bathe my son, feed him if he hasn’t had dinner yet, make dinner for us, and put him to bed. I do everything on my days off as well. I’ve always been the one to get up with him at night even. It’s not wrong for him to help you. You guys should be partners and he needs to help you even more! He’s the one who gets a break away from the kids. It’s hard being home all day with kids and doing everything you do on top of that.
I do it all Myself too, my partner also works full time to provide for us, so I feel he doesn’t have to do anything although we have 3 kids here, 5 dogs and 7 guinea pigs, I feel it’s my job to take care of everything within the household (personal opinion )
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He lives there and he’s the father so he should absoloutley help out. He gets to clock off and you don’t so you need help.
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I think on the nights he works that makes sense but on weekends when you’re both “off” the you should both be taking care of the kids those days/nights.
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Not at all. We had 3 babies at once and my husband helped with everything. Even got up with them every night before they started sleeping through. Your man is being a dick
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You are not wrong at all! Yes you stay home but your child doesn’t just have 1 parent she has 2 parents. It took 2 people to make her it takes 2 people to take care of her. Just because he works full time does not take away from the fact that he is a father and has a responsibility to his children to not only be present for them but also help in their upbringing.
This was a big issue in my marriage. My sons father felt that because he worked he didn’t need to help when he came home and I am sorry but that’s just not how things work. We mothers need help too yes we can be super women but In order to be able to continue to be the best moms we can be sometimes we need help and we need a chance to recharge our batteries!
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My husband tried this with me . so I told him Ok so if we divorce you can just come to my house to see our daughter or he can do supervised visits to see her . Cause if you’re to tired to help with her while married to me you’ll be to tired if we aren’t married .
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Not wrong. Being a stay at home mother & wife is a full time job… never ends. I’ve always said to my husband, if I don’t get any time off then you don’t either. He either helps me with the kids when he’s home or he won’t have a hot meal or work clothes washed when he comes home. that’s just the way it is.
Why is this even a debate? Force his hand… when he comes home say “oh good you’re here” and leave the house … go for a drive, park and read A book anything …but make him take some responsibility for his child even if he doesn’t want too…
he will catch on
And if he doesn’t put his suitcase on the porch
Nope ur not… He should want to spend time with his children… he should want to hold and hug and play with them as soon as he can. He gets a break from his “job” he gets to be off the clock, he gets to have down time away from work… so should u and as their father it is absolutely his job to care for them. This type crap makes me wonder why men ever want kids. Makes no sense to create a person and then ever want to be part of anything
When he gets off work say “oh good! My “job” is over for the day! Hand him the baby and LEAVE!
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Sadly things like this tend to be a passed down behavior and it’s not really something you can change. He has to make the conscious effort to break the cycle and unlearn certain things hes been taught. Stuff like that is hard for everyone to do. You’re definitely not wrong for feeling upset about it. Unfortunately I dont have any good advice for you to get through this. If someone doesnt want to change they wont.
Im having the same issue. We have a 1 yr old and currently 31 weeks pregnant with baby #2. I also work full time in the OR so my hours vary. He works 6-3 everyday M-F. Im the one that still gets up at night if he wakes, plus take care of the house ect. Everytime I ask him to do something its always a battle. Im “the mommy” he says its my job so on. It does get annoying and im sure i didn’t make this baby by myself but i dont want to fight or argue about it so I just try not to let it affect me anymore. Hoping once baby 2 gets here he’ll step up. However he is a great dad when it comes to play time.
My husband leaves for work around 6 am and doesn’t get home until 6 pm. As SOON as he walks through the doors he changes his clothes and comes gets our son from me. He lets me shower, do whatever I didn’t get the chance to get done that day, AND if our son is up and fussy while our dinner is ready, he’ll let me eat while it’s hot and care for our son. Then when I’m done eating he’ll give me Benton so he can eat.
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Taking care of a child is not only the mothers job, you didnt make her yourself…
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You’re not wrong. Im also a sahm currently to 6 kids… Ages 10 to 1. My husband easily hits 90 hours a week, doing construction work in the heat and comes home and helps. I don’t usually ask but if i do he helps. He’ll also let me nap for a few hours.
Where he comes from, its strictly a woman’s job to take care of the home and kids, yet he broke the cycle. It can be done…
you aren’t wrong at all… in my household my boyfriend works a full time job i’ll stay home… the plan is once he gets home i sleep, rest he takes care of baby… i also sleep in a different room so he gets to sleep during the night we alternate weekends too so one weekend i get to sleep in & he gets to sleep in…
So u keep house do his laundry which is never ending so that’s 1 job, look after the kids which is another job , clean the house which is another job and keep him fed , so u have 3 full time jobs and he has 1, I think he should come home and help with the kids and any necessary housework, u would 24/7 with no rest , even mothers need time to them selves too, switch jobs with him he will soon see how hard it is, I am also a fulltime parent at home , my partner comes home and plays with the kids while I’m still on my feet doing work and I’m battleling 3 illnesses , he washes up and baths the kids and puts them to bed , I think your partner needs to step up and realise we don’t sit on our ass all day