Am I in the wrong for allowing my boyfriend to come to my kids baseball game?

AITA for allowing my BF to go to baseball practice despite my EX saying he won’t go if my BF is there? Background: My kids haven’t seen their father since Easter due to me taking the kids and calling child services on him. I have emergency temporary residential responsibility so he can still see them but he has chosen to not speak to or see them until recently because we had court and it was brought up. We are awaiting a ruling. my son asked my BF to come to his practice and also wants his father their. Am I a jerk for telling my ex to grow up and coparent because I put my differences aside with his GF whom he cheated on me with. My BF is an amazing influence on my kids and they love him. I don’t feel like my children should have to choose between the two because my ex is acting childish. Could use some help.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I in the wrong for allowing my boyfriend to come to my kids baseball game? - Mamas Uncut

It’s what your kid wants. Dad needs to grow up.

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Life goes on… let him go to the bb practice/ games…

Take your boyfriend … The “father” of the children will see the choices he made later on in life … If he wants to be petty that’s his problem … Not yours or your boyfriends

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I see it as he is the one the fooled around and tore broke the family up. The kids love the bf and y’all have moved on so why not let the bf be there??

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I believe your bf should be welcome to go along as he’s respectful and can be mutual if the dad decides to go… If the dad decides not to go because of something petty like that let him miss out. Your kids will know who was there and who wasn’t.

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No your not if dad doesn’t step up that’s what AKA step parent is and does they step up when others step down growing up in a broken home myself if the other parent can’t get over themselves and see it’s for the kids well being then that’s there fault and shouldn’t hold it against them that being said I had an amazing step mom who stepped up in a huge way and the other parent is still jelly and doesn’t have shit to do with us because of step mom and other reasons my step mom is and always will be my mom but make the kids decide and see not you

Your ex is very selfish. Let the ex show up and leave if he doesn’t like it then your kid can see who is really there. Yea it sucks for the kid but they’ll learn who is really there for them.

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The only one stopping your ex from coming is himself. So don’t make your man stay behind because your ex is petty.

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No it is about the kids PERIOD

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And start documenting everything for court.

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Nope the ex definitely needs to grow tf up

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Definitely not a jerk!! Your children should not have to choose especially sense he hasn’t been a constant part of their lives!!

Your ex needs to get over himself and grow up for your children’s sake

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“Dad” is just trying to have the control. If he doesn’t show up that’s on him. Any good parent would be happy to have as many people in their kids corner as possible, not jealous.

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Nope, it’s about the kids not who else is there. If he feels some type of way that’s his problem.

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No. That’s on him if he wants to be petty. Don’t react or reply to him being that way. Your son will see who is there for him

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Your BF should go, your child wanted him there. Who cares about what your ex wants, he chose the other route. He should be an example and accept the fact other adults are going to be in the kids lives.

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Ask your son who he wants there more (it does look like bio dad is searching for a reason not to go)

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Nope tell the ex too carry on :joy:… If your new partner has helped alot with your babies, than it shouldn’t be an issue if bf goes to the games.

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NOPE!!! If he is a part of your life, he needs to include the child as well! I think it’s AWESOME that he wants to go and that you’re allowing him to go!

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What your kid wants is the priority, not what your ex wants. It’s a free world and your boyfriend should go too.

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I think you’re on the right track honey. Kids need a positive male influence in their lives, even if it’s not their actual dad. If the bio-dad wants to act like a big baby about your BF being there, that’s his problem. His emotional well being isn’t your problem anymore. Just focus on your kids and yourself, and yours and their happiness. To hell with your ex.

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Let him go and if sperm donor wants to be petty, well, he is just hurting his kids…not you…the kids will remember who was there…the boyfriend :woman_shrugging:

Then that petty a** little man doesn’t care about his own child. My daughter’s ex husband is just like that. It’s really infuriating but get on with your life and don’t worry about him. Your kid will figure it out.

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let your ex explain that to your kids if he cant then he can grow up and deal with it or not show! if your kid asked for your boyfriend to
come i see no issue in that and your ex can either co parent or not thats up to him.

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Girl…… STOP! You can have your boyfriend there especially if he’s a great influence on those kids. I’m in the same boat with dad not seeing our kids but my husband is an amazing role model. If dad decides to not go…. TOUGH SHIT! Let him be childish it’s
cause he feels threatened. If he hasn’t seen those kids in a year shame on him, don’t cave! Until he can prove himself ride it out and have your way. I don’t know why these guys feel they can make babies but then get upset when another man wants to or I mean no man just wants too but does it because he loves the child and the female he’s with so he supports them financially, physically and let’s not forget mentally. Let the ex pout and when he regroups and wants to act like a man welcome him to the games for support but tell him to leave his drama at home. If he’s missed out on a year of their life and he wasn’t at war for this country or out of town for work don’t cut it to him easy and cave be strong and let him know who’s running this ship.

Your ex could come and sit on the completely other side. He doesn’t even have to be near you. It’s his choice.

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Nope not at all! We co parent for OUR kids. Christmas cookies with my ex husband, new husband and our 3 babies! We have also done theme patks together and my ex husband was at my wrddi g in December. My new husband’s ex wife and her husband were also there! Why? Because we are a blended family and we make sure All 4 of the kids ( 21, 11,9 and 7) know we are there for them

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My ex husband was the exact same way and he NEVER SHOWED UP TO ANYTHING NOT EVEN SENOR NIGHTS…OUR SONS COLLEGE GAMES NOTHING!! My husband however went to every game he could and I NEVER MISSED A GAME

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Your not wrong at all

My husband is not my oldest daughters father. But, my husband and her father have been taking her to do things the three of them for years. She is 11. My husband has been been in our lives since she was two. Ive been co parenting with her dad since she was 5 months old. It is just as important for your son to have a relationship with your bf as his dad if your bf part of his everyday life. One thing i NEVER wanted was for my daughter to have to choose which parents to to invite to which things because someone doesn’t get along. Normalize doing things like sporting events as a family. Its about supporting your child. Not yourselves.

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Nope. He needs to respect your sons decision. It wasn’t even yours. It was your kids. So time for daddy to grow up.

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If your kids like to be around your bf and he wants him to be there I do not see the issue , if his bio dad do not want to go that is on him not you .

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Ur good if he cant be the bigger man an accept that your child wants them both there that’s his lose

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Your ex will get over it… me and my ex separated almost 2 years ago after she left me for another man and went and got married, she also kept me from the little girl I raised and I wasn’t there for my sons birth, but me and her husband get along now, it almost took a year and a half but you could never tell that there was bad blood… trust me he’ll get over it if he wants a good relationship with his children :100:

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Bf should go your ex needs to grow up

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He won’t come if your boyfriend comes? Oh welllol

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Children are not stupid. Your son can see stability in your new man.. The perfect situation would be if your ex grew a backbone and was civil for your child’s sake… It would also set a perfect example for your child

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I agree with everyone, he should certainly go, sounds like your ex is being childish

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You’re ex sounds like an asshat. Do what makes you’re kids smile… He’s lucky your bf cares for and loves your kids. It’s his loss.

Daddy. !! Grow up!! You should focus on your children,you owe your ex nothing. Take your new friend with you.

I usually don’t post on these forums but, this hit a little home with me. This is about the child. He is a grown man and needs to stop being jealous and petty put his issues to the side and support that child’s interests. A child will remember who was there, who showed up. My child still looks to the bleachers to find me cheering her on and she is seventeen.

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He’s worrying about your boyfriend. Instead of enjoying time with his son? What a P.O.S. You can’t repeat today. Enjoy every minute you can get with your children. It’s his loss.

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It is such a shame that the kids become the pawns, It depends on how serious you are with the BF. If you feel that he is the one and the kids want him there, then it is ok for him to be there and if your ex can’t handle that for the kids sake than that is up to him. Always take the high road when it comes to your kids,

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You’re fine, do what makes you happy and what’s best for kids.

No ur not in wrong ur ex can still come and not sit near u guys. He is being jealous and childish if he shows he shows if not then he don’t obviously ur kids can’t depend on him to be there. The kids want ur bf there so thats fine that he is there since he has been an influence and role model for them. U don’t have to change anything just to please ur ex hes and ex for a reason and he doesn’t have a say in who is there.

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No your not an asshole.

Sounds like your ex is jealous of all the time your children are spending with your current.

Try to invite him. And I’d be asks why your current bf is their explain to him calmly “Our son invited him and you.”

You are not wrong at all

If the kid wants your BF to be there then eff dad! Dad should grow up. He doesnt have to talk to you or your BF. He should be their solely to see the kid!

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Nope don’t let your ex control you

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I think you answered your own question… your child wants him to go… all you can do is let your ex know he wants him there and that’s it. beyond that it’s his choice and what he does with it you can’t control. I would just keep it simple with him cause he obviously doesn’t want to co parent with you right now. It’s on him what kind of relationship he has with his kids. You and your boyfriend are doing the best for them by showing up and letting them know they are loved. 

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I’ve been in this exact situation, my ex got so mad because my son invited my fiancé to his football games but like I told his dad if my son wants someone there for support and that person wants to be there I’m not going to tell him no. :woman_shrugging:

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Your child comes first. He wants your BF there. Your ex will need to grow up and deal with that for his child or he will miss this stuff and punish your child. In the end the kids see who was looking out for them and doing their best.

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So your kids haven’t seen their dad since LAST YEAR? cause Easter hasn’t happen yet this yr. But your BF is allowed to go wherever you want him to go. Ex husband can get over and come to or NOT but that’s NOT your problem. Sorry but there’s been NO contact in 2 yrs with my ex husband. My BF of over a yr has been there and is great with my son. He comes to baseball and soccer games and practice. He even works with him at all. So my ex husband would have NO say so.

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Your son asked for your BF to come to his game? Then you take your BF to his game. It must be a special friendship between your son and your BF for him to feel comfortable enough to ask you to bring him. Don’t let him down.

yes you’re the asshole for the response you gave to dad. even tho bf is good to your kids he’s still NOT dad. Facilitate kids and dads relationship first before your bf and kids.

Your ex is not your problem, sis. He sounds like an overgrown child. He’s trying to manipulate into getting his way. Do what’s best for your kids. Apple, your new bf is making a pretty good impression. Good luck :smile_cat::crossed_fingers:

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If you called child services on him and took the kids away why would you allow him to even get close to your children I say kick him to the curb and let your boyfriend take the daddy role but only if he’s a good man and is it for the long run

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Man thank God I don’t have that problem with both my kids fathers him an his girlfriend love my kids an show up to events with there little one I don’t have a bf choose not to because all my health problems but if I did there wouldn’t be a problem ur ex being petty

Everyone needs to learn to co parent. His loss if he can’t grow up and be man/dad!

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Your child invited him. Not you. It’s not a decision for you or ex to make. It’s btw son and bf.

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I’m currently in the same situation. Ex husband is petty, selfish, not a grown man/adult and most importantly cannot put the child first, which is sad. But bf and I always attend whatever event for the child and we don’t miss anything for the child ever,even if the ex husband does decide to participate & grace us in person. The child shouldn’t have to pick and choose who he/she wants to come to events. All adult parties should act ADULTS durning these events and NOT put the child in these types of situations . At this point when the ex husband makes a big deal/throws a tantrum, I simply reply/state, we should all be adults and put the child first despite of our differences and not involve the child in adult matters. At the end of the day, it’s the ex husband’s choice and the child will see who supports them under these circumstances and despite of the differences between the parties involved. This is called coparenting. If the ex can’t coparent for the sake of the child. Then that’s on the other parent and choosing to miss out since with that activity due to a their own issues/ selfishness. I would just reassure to the child that he/she extended an invitation to that parent regarding whatever event is going on and it’s not the child’s fault, Especially if that invite doesn’t have his/her presence of said parent. Kids are smart and will know/figure out which adult is acting out, making excuses as to why that can’t show up, etc. Coparenting is a team effort despite differences of the adults.

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If your son wants him there, then that’s your answer… It sucks as a dad but it is what it is and his dad has to accept that fact

Ask your kids if they want your bf there Or have some time with their dad

Tell your ex to put his ego aside and stop thinking about himself and think about what his son wants! If that is to have both your boyfriend and his dad their he needs to suck it up and put his big boy pants on.

NTJ. Your child asked for him to be there. Children should ever be made to feel like they have to choose allegiance or choose who to love. You can never have too many people love your children.

Your ex is the jerk for ignoring his son over another human being. They don’t have to sit near eachother or even talk. He should definitely grow up.

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Nope not the A. Your ex needs to grow up.

There is so much more to this story that we don’t know about. What are they divorcing? Did she start a new relationship before or after she left her husband? Why was child services involved? Have the children been used as pawns? How old are the children? So many questions…

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Not TAH! The dad can go and sit away from you and your boy friend. Your son wants him there and that’s all that matters. Dad needs to grow up!

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This isn’t about the new BF, this is just the ex trying to control you and using the kids to do so. As a parent who is divorced, step parents are going to be in the picture, he should get to know the man who is spending tine with his children and learn to co parent with them as well.

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Nta. Your ex is the one refusing to go. That’s solely on him.

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You don’t need advice or help. You’re doing just fine so keep going like you are. Trust your decisions, and don’t listen to anyone that hasn’t dealt with CPS before. That is my only advice.

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NTA at all. He definitely needs to grow up. He’s being selfish and putting his wants before his kids.

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Your child wants them both there. If his Dad chooses not to go because he’s immature then that sucks. Why can’t he go and sit in a different area?

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Your ex needs to be grateful that his son has a supportive role model in his life while his own flesh and blood has a childish jealous petty tantrum about it! No you’re not wrong telling him that. He needs to grow up and accept that his ex is going to have been partners and they are going to be in his sons life. He needs to get over himself and go support his child as an adult with other adults.

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Why is your ex using your current relationship as a reason to get out of parenting and to control you making you question yourself?

You Are NTA. Your son has someone stable in his life and the fact that he is the one who wanted your bf there speaks volumes. If your ex was consistent with supervision, I would say to not invite the bf for the sake of peace for your son, even though it is a way of controlling the situation on your ex behalf. But since he’s inconsistent I say invite the bf. I believe the reason he doesn’t want your bf there is because it’s another man picking up his responsibilities. Good luck and I’m glad your son has a consistent male role model in his life.

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Your husband needs to put his children s needs first. He seems immature and self important. You are right. The child gets to ask whomever they want to see them

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This just shows what kind of spiteful parent he is if he’d rather not see his kid than standing on the other side of the field.

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NTA at all. If he wants to be petty & ridiculous, that’s on him. As long as your bf is polite/cordial and your son wants him there- live your life.

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NTA, he can put his pride aside for the kiddo. Besides, he cheated and you guys haven’t been together for well over a year - at least, why is he so booty bothered by your bf?

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It sounds like a manipulative and controlling move on your exes part… Don’t let your ex sabotage the relationship your kids are building with your boyfriend by playing into your exes games, as your bf sounds like the stable male role model… Real men stand up and see their kids full stop.

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Not at all. I’m dealing with the same thing with my ex. He refuses to be in the same place as my husband. So if they’re going to choose their pride over their kids… that’s not your problem! If significant other is grown enough not to cause a scene and is genuinely there to support the kid, let them! Husband makes it to every gymnastics practice and every riding lesson. My ex was like “I’m waiting on her to tell me where her lesson is” I told him I could send him the address and he said “no, it’s the principle of the matter, if she wants me there she will tell me where it is” no! That’s not how this child works. She doesn’t communicate wants or feelings period.

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You could all go but sit apart its about the children not the squabbling adults

Tell the ex to get over himself and do what’s best for your son.
Your ex is a man child having a temper tandrum.

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I always try to push the idea that the more people to love and support your kids the better. It needs to be about the kids, not adult egos and unnecessary emotions

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By your ex not going it just shows he is only showing interest in the kids for court purposes and not actually for the kids. Aka “I’m father of the year don’t court mandate me to not have my kids because my gg would probably leave me” type of thing

You are not wrong your boyfriend stepped up when your ex continues to step out and down, if your ex can’t man up and get over himself thats his problem, big kudos to your boyfriend :clap:

If the child wants both of them there the ex can get over it.

He needs to grow up. This is not how to coparent or be an adult. Kids go through enough. They need to see people being there for them. If he can’t simply because your bf is there, we’ll boo hoo! When he realizes you are not putting his choices first, maybe he will grow up, if he doesn’t, no one’s loss. The kids come first!!

Sounds like your ex is a narcissistic cry baby .if your bf is a good influence and your kids like him then tell your ex to grow up and kick rocks!

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Not the sshle. Your kid sees your bf as a father figure. He should be able to have him there. He shouldn’t have to choose.

The children are the innocents in this so he needs to grow up and work together to raise the children

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Nope tell him to step up and be a dad and coparent. If the child asked the boyfriend to be there to just make it about the child and not about all the issues going on.

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Ur ex is a douche canoe… He needs to grow up and coparent for the sake of ur kid. Bottom line. I’d allow the bf to go because ur child asked for that. If the bio dad refuses to go he is the one ruining his relationship with his kid - NOT YOU!

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No your son asked him to be there. He already knows who’s gonna show for him so i wouldn’t exclude him. Your ex was only “trying” cause he looked bad in court for not seeing or talking To them for almost a year. If he is able to bring his gf places and your civil than he can’t say anything about your boyfriend.

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Simply grow up! Be there for your kid’s get over it is exactly what I would tell him.!

No issue in any of what you said