Ok… so I’ve been in a relationship with an older guy (I’m 38, he’s 51 and a divorcee) for almost 6 years. When we first got together, we talked about our expectations. I told him I didn’t want to be someone’s girlfriend for longer than 5 years (which I feel is plenty of time to figure it out) and I wanted to be married by then. He said he couldn’t marry me until he got his credit together so he could finance things for us. At that point, I made it a point to help him get his credit together. His credit is a1. I put mine on the line to help him. Fast forward, we have a 2 year old and we financed a house together a year ago (we’re both on the deed, and he’s on the financing). It was his idea to see if we could live together successfully before getting married. I agreed under the condition that within a year of living together, we need to start planning for marriage. It’s now almost 6 years into the relationship (1 year after living together) and he still isn’t thinking about marriage. I’m soo impatient at this moment and I’ve turned into a ticking time bomb because I feel like he’s content living like this and this wasn’t was discussed. We’ve started arguing more and more because my mood is terrible lately. He’s always asking me about dinner and sex, but I’ve slowed down because I didn’t agree to be a live in girlfriend doing wifely duties for this long. I communicated what I expected and he agreed, only for him to change/prolong the plans. Am I wrong? Advice please.
I’m going to play devils advocate here & say that your feelings are totally valid. Did you put yourself in this position? Yes. However you thought the agreement made was clear to both parties & now he’s back peddling because he already gets all the husband perks. I think you should give him an ultimatum & stick to it. We get married in the next x amount of time or I’m gone. Simple as that.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I in the wrong for feeling upset over not being married yet?
People are allowed to change their minds 
Why marry you? He has all the benefits of marriage right now whiteout being married.
Wifely duties… 
nothing is going to change with a ring or paper. Hes a divorcee and probably doesn’t want to go through it again. If your happy being his partner that’s all that should matter. There is no difference between wife/husband/partner
you drew the line, now stand your ground. If you lose him in the process that’s ok, because he didn’t give you what you agreed to. If you don’t, don’t expect to be anything BUT a live in gf.
Not wrong. You were up front. He’s putting you off. Will likely never commit to marriage. It’s up to you how long you’re willing to wait……
He’s 51? 5yrs in? He’s might not marry you. You can totally be mad but ultimately he isn’t obligated to get married. Besides…ya’ll are basically married with no papers at this point.
Why you rushing him to marry you can’t you be happy just being together
Dump him. Sell house start new
Your basically married. Your classed as married after 2 years of being in a relationship. Pending what country you are in
Why care so much about a peace of paper u can be with some one ur hole life and not get married and still live a happy life
yea, He doesn’t plan on marrying her
I understand what you are saying by you not agreeing to be a live in girlfriend, but technically you agreed to it by doing all you have done up to this point.
You either continue to live how you are living and be happy with it or move on to being a single mom.
If you have to force him and give him ultimatums… It’s not it girl.
Honestly, in my experience if he has not propped the question in the first two years, he is never going to.
Ahh you want to be a wife but slowly stop being a partner … he won’t marry you the way your acting
Some people just don’t believe in marriage. It’s just a piece of paper. Your love for each other means you’ll be together forever regardless of a piece of paper
Either you love him with or without the paper and if you don’t like how he is now, I am sure that little piece of paper is gonna change him🤦🏻♀️
If that’s your deal breaker then be done !
But if you truly love him and want to be with him then stick with it maybe one day he will. He seems to love you and just want to be with you he was already married once maybe he just doesn’t want to again…
Ask him how he will tell his son one day that he never married his mother. One of you could die and it would never get done. I would say now or never and find me a new place and tell him to put house up for sale bc you want your half
If you’re happy why jeopardize things?? Are you unhappy because you have a timeline?? Sometimes we have to get out of our own way and just let things naturally happen. In my experience you have to let him think it’s his idea. What I mean is maybe he wants to ask but feels like he has too. I wish you the very best whatever decision you make
Wasn’t aware men were allowed in this group….
Are you willing to give up what you do have because he won’t marry you?! That’s the BIGGEST question you need to ask yourself. If marriage had never been discussed and you didn’t have those expectations…are you happy?! Marriage won’t change that. If anything it complicates things if it doesn’t work out. He has been married before, I can see why he is hesitant.
Told my boyfriend that I’m not a forever girlfriend and he needs to make up his mind about us being forever or not.
So now we’re getting married on 11/11/2022 
If you stop doing wife things he’s not gonna
You already agreed to be a live in girlfriend!! It’s just a piece of paper. Does he treat you good? Is he a good father? Please think about the important things in a relationship not a piece of paper
Ask him for his hand in marriage you officially propose with a ring. Why wait for him to take the next step?
The piece of paper changes nothing… pick your battles wisely.
Move out & start over if you’re not happy, life is too short. You can’t make anyone do anything they aren’t ready for & don’t wanna do.
Everyone saying it’s just a piece of paper are forgetting a PROMISE was broken
Assess the situation. Is being married going to change anything? You’re both listed on the house. You have a son. You’re making a life together. Can you live with this scenario? Can you only accept it with a wedding ring? My opinion? You should have got the wedding band before building a life with a home & child IF you had doubts he’d be willing to marry you & IF it was a deal breaker to not be married.
Plenty of people are perfectly happy never being married. Only you can decide.
I was like that for over 4 years and 2 kids together. I feel like we argue nicer now that we’re married but everyone is different.
You gave him everything that you could have in a marriage. Why would he want to get married now?
He just got out of a marriage give the guy a break Jesus 
You chose wife duties when you moved in together and you had his child lol
OK look at it thos way would you rather get married too soon and end up a divorce too
I mean you put yourself in this situation going along with his terms and not sticking your guns to your own terms. You out your own terms aside to go along with his.
You’ve showed him he will get his way and you will just walk along with it.
Now you’re mad?? You made yourself the live in girlfriend when you decided to move in and go half and half on the house and build his credit. You made yourself the live in girlfriend when you chose to let him choose what will need to be done and when he is ready. AND still chose to live with him.
If you have to come on here to ask for advice you know the answers
Firstly, you had a ridiculous expectation of needing to plan marriage within a year of moving in. Who does that and creates a marriage stipulations? Lmao. I don’t see how one could think it’ll be a great marraige when it’s the result of whining and pushing instead of him naturally asking because he feels it. Secondly, what do expect to gain from marriage? It isn’t about love or anything more than legalities. It doesn’t prove commitment. It won’t prevent cheating. It’s fine to want the ability to make medical decisions on his part or whatever other odd thing marriage gains you legally. But to require it be the end deal is odd.
Marriage guarantees you nothing, not even alimony or split assets in the likelihood you’ll divorce.
Sounds like you’re wanting to be a single mother in your future, don’t pressure him otherwise, he’ll move on to someone who won’t pressure him
What is marriage to you? What does it signify? It seems as though you have all that a marriage entails except the certificate. Do you want a ring? Let him know that. Do you want a party/wedding, honeymoon? Let him know that too. A marriage can be many things, something different for everyone. I do think if someone were coming at me with demands and a deadline, I would balk. Communication will work wonders here for you and your partner, especially once you truly decide exactly what it is you’re looking for - and why.
I think you are clear in what you want and what you don’t want…
You both are so young, don’t focus on the legal matter (it’s just a paper).
How committed is he to you and the relationship, how does he treat his family, how does he treat his ex-wife, his children… ?
Sounds like you are living a married life, getting married is just a day & piece of paper & extremely expensive, maybe he is being smart & not wanting to go into debt over a wedding.
Alot of men have worries over providing so money is a pretty big concern for most but they don’t always tell us everything.
I’d try to keep things together for your child, family is important.
Goodluck
Why do you want to get married? Its causing you stress already. ur happy been a wife doing those wifey duties? You have to be happy when all is said a done. Only you know the answer to that. Good luck. Be happy. 
He didn’t prolong it on his own. You talked and came to a compromise. 6 years ago he may have thought 5 years was enough time to decide to get remarried. Things change. He may not want to go through another divorce, especially now that you both have a child. Did you think about that? But at the end of the day, you’re nit-picking when you agreed to these changes. Instead of being overly emotional at not being married, try talking to him calmly about how it is something you’ve been hoping for and how you’ve both compromised but your expectations are not being met. Then stop trying to force him. Give him time to think and react. Either he’ll propose or you’ll end things hopefully amicably. And don’t say you’re doing wifely duties. You got into the relationship expecting to be his wife one day, you have a child together. Your being a mother and a partner in a committed relationship which is what marriage is. The only difference with marriage is a few legal rights you gain and the way you file taxes. And before anyone tries to come at me with “how do you know” I’ve been married to my husband for the past 3 yrs. And raise our kids together.
Therapy. Go to counseling. he needs to be open and honest with you and it is unfair of him.
Too late, you already stayed for 6 years…shouldn’t of lied and said you weren’t going to stay past a year…he used you…he knew you weren’t going any where…EVER!!
Well after 4 years I told him if he didn’t know by now he would never know. To be blunt it was fish or cut bait but I knew what I wanted. I wasn’t going to waste any more time. The only thing is that if you set an ultimation you should be ready to carry it out. Otherwise he could sling me a long forever. So set your boundary and be ready to move on.
You need to talk about it. If marriage is what you want don’t be afraid ( not saying you are) to make it a point to talk about it communication needs to be there. My husband and I dated for 5 years before actually getting married and I am not a patient woman lol
We would fight about we had a kid together too and I made my expectations clear too.
But, his mom and dad divorced when he was 3, then his mom let his step dad treat him badly , then she divorced him too so I began to understand the issue wasn’t me or us…
In hind sight I’m glad it took us that long, we had hardships together and triumphs too
We really grew into a deeper love and I’ll always be grateful but it was confusing at times for sure
Again really clear the line of communication however it could end up another way and you have to be ready for what comes next if he doesn’t plan on getting married
Discuss it with yourself of what’s going to happen if he doesn’t step up… then have a refresher convo with him and stand by yourself if you need too
I’ve been with my fiancé for 8 years! We’ve talked about marriage and everything. He’s been married once and went through and divorce and I’ve never been married. Give the guy some time geeze! He probably went through a hard divorce and who knows how long he was with his ex wife. Just because your ready to rush and get married doesn’t mean he is.
Some people see marriage as just legalese and other people feel incomplete with out the legal marriage. .You both just gotta decide what you’ll live with and what are deal breakers…
If you said 5 years and it’s been 6 its time to move on
Just slow down he’s been married b4 and that maybe his reluctance marriage is not guaranteed a d HELL TO GET OUT OF
My husband was married but separated permanently when we got together. It took him 5 years to get a divorce from his ex. We finally got married in 2013 4 kids later. Best waiting time ever
You have a child together and it’s been years past the time limit you set…
I think you know that you have your answer
You keep saying what you want. But what does he want? Financially yeah you helped him get on track and together you got a house. But emotionally?? Your practically married with child and home. Are you really ready to lose that if he says he’s not ready to wife you?
That’s the last thing you should be worried about. It’s easy to get married yet hard to get rid of them.
So you have no other problem with him other than signing this paper right because it sounds batsh!t crazy and i can see why hes dubble thinking this one 
So had a kid before u lived together and have only lived together a year… But together 6 years …
I was married for 13 years and with him 22 so I can say there is no difference with or without the flimsy piece of paper unless ur trying to gain health insurance or things such as…and it is hell to get out of a marriage. love does not need to be proven on a piece of paper…matter of fact have u asked yourself why if u have everything u need in him do u think marriage will make it any better and why do u need it to be better? My thoughts are just love him as long as he loves u back don’t force him away over marriage. It really is JUST A PIECE OF PAPER …oh and if u want the wedding ring and celebration u can do that without involving the govt. Jus sayin 
Your desire to be a wife is totally valid.
If he doesn’t want to get married again, that’s valid too. However, he seemed to give the impression that he was waiting on certain things and then he’d be ready.
If he’s 51 and still not ready, I don’t know that he’ll ever be ready.
Being married to someone who really doesn’t want to be married is going to suck.
Would he do counseling? Might be worthwhile to try before you throw in the towel, especially since you have a child together.
If he won’t go, that’s another red flag, but you can still go yourself.
I totally understand and I think it depends on the dynamics of your relationship without marriage. If y’all both act married with no ring maybe you should think about how you’re feeling. If not and he’s expecting more but not giving more I can understand you feeling some type of way. I’m going through the one sided one and I’m done. I refuse to have such high standards placed on me but can’t hold him to any
Are you sure he’s divorced???
Nope! You aren’t wrong! He is essentially breaking his promise to you. It’s time for an altimatum.
The only thing you can control is how YOU move. Move in your best interest.
It’s not just a piece of paper. It means a lot in terms of medical input, inheritance on any pension or 401( Yes U can designate on 401 but pension is spouse.) Free life insurance through work for Spouse… Medical coverage ect… Some states allow unmarried partners to be covered ,most do not
I’m just going to start out by saying this; Society, religion, & sometimes family can make you feel pressured into getting married. But what do you gain from it that you don’t already have? A piece of paper? Hell I’ll take the money that it costs to get a marriage license, & I’ll make you up a gorgeous centerpiece certificate.
Or perhaps a beautiful ceremony has always been your dream? Do it! You don’t need to actually get married in order to have a beautiful ceremony to celebrate love.
A child? You already have it. A place to call home with both your names on it? You got it!
But if being married is truly that important to you, talk to him. However, be prepared to walk away from the relationship if he asks for more time, or says he doesn’t want to get married.
All the women on here acting like you upholding obligations is a bad thing makes me sad. #PickMePickMe
Don’t do wifey duties! He’s not your husband. Treat him like a boyfriend for a while! Open his eyes a little. Maybe he just forgot and needs reminding.
It sounds like he has, either, gotten too emotionally lazy and feels if he ignores the problem, it will go away. Or…he feels comfortable with the relationship the way it is and truly doesn’t care about how you feel. I suggest you stop doing “wifely duties”, as you say, and act as you are…a single parent. Your worth is not tied to his needs and desires. Create your own.
If he had changed his mind, he should have had the discussion once again with you to see where you both are at. Your not in the wrong, you were honest from the beginning. You have demonstrated though that you won’t leave no matter what so now he doesn’t see marriage as important at all. Also yes it’s just “paperwork” but what about his will? Whatever assets he has could be given to his next of kin (parents/siblings) if he doesn’t have any beneficiaries(kids/partner) named. There have been many instances where relatives don’t care about the fiancee or kids and keep all of the money or even fight super hard to get cars/houses/bank accounts etc.
But anyways, if he doesn’t respect your wishes like how you have respected his, then it’s time to end it and leave.
Honestly marriage is absolutely the same thing you are doing right now 
the only difference if a piece of paper if he is seriously that worried about it why don’t you just do the ceremony with out the legal binding junk seriously it’s not what it’s cracked up to be honestly feel worse been their don’t that don’t want to do it again
Sounds like he made excuses and has been going with the flow this entire time.
The trick is not to do wife things when your not married or he wont feel the need to urgently claim you. You both are common law married.
No you are not wrong for feeling that way. Everyone on here saying “it’s just a piece of paper” … okay some people are religious , some people still prioritize marriage. You were upfront and honest with your expectations from the beginning. He certainly doesn’t have to abide by them, but it’s up to you how you want to react to that. Maybe he felt he would be ready, but was wrong. Or maybe he felt he could ignore your wishes and that you would cave in and stay without marriage. Either way, it’s up to you what you want to do. He should at LEAST be willing to have conversations with you to let you know where he stands. He doesn’t want to have a conversation about your wants/needs but he’s fine to ask for dinner and sex ?? Sounds like both of you are being petty to each other out of spite instead of having a serious conversation about it.
So if it is all good why maybe make it bad ? I believe n marriage but sometimes that doesn’t work out and it is only a piece of paper.most time it’s easier to get married than get divorced, I’ve seen it w/a few couples, think about it Choices and consequences. 
Your not wrong to he upset .
I’m glad you laid it all out from the beginning tour expectations. I don’t understand why he’d agree then back out .
Ok, I think a lot of these comments are wrong. I personally don’t care about marriage. I’ve been with my guy for 17 years. But that’s not the point. You guys had an agreement. He’s not sticking to it. That’s not ok.
Each relationship has its own rules and expectations, and that’s ok. The expectation in this one was marriage after 5yrs and 1yr of living together. She did everything he wanted, even got his credit up, and now he’s ignoring his side of the deal. He’s wanting her to act like a wife, but refusing to make her his wife, despite their agreement. That’s not cool.
OP, you should stop doing all the wifely duties. Just take care of your kid, and nothing more. Tell him that if he wants a wife, he needs to keep up his end of the deal and marry you. 
Bottom line is that you made your intentions clear to him and then agreed to the terms that he set before that could happen… And now he isn’t fulfilling his end.
That’s your answer
I’m going to play devils advocate here & say that your feelings are totally valid. Did you put yourself in this position? Yes. However you thought the agreement made was clear to both parties & now he’s back peddling because he already gets all the husband perks. I think you should give him an ultimatum & stick to it. We get married in the next x amount of time or I’m gone. Simple as that.
I can see both sides. Marriage is a piece of paper, but it’s a piece of paper that helps with things like end of life planning, and being able to recieve your share after the other passes.
However, marriage is easy to get into and really hard to get out of. Divorce is an expensive process.
If I were you, I’d decide right now if you are okay never being married. If you aren’t, let him know. If he still isn’t ready, then pack up and leave.
Your not wrong but you can’t force a marriage. Your complaining yes but at the same time your being a wife. Your the only one that can change things
If you love him enouph to marry him your not going to leave.he knows that.
Have you expressed this to HIM tho. It sounds like you’re just waiting/expecting him to come to this conclusion and if he doesn’t know you’re feeling this way he might not feel it’s as serious as you feel it is
You set your standards and expectations, he knew from the beginning. If he changed his mind that is fine, but he needs to discuss that. Continuing to discuss it only for him to add another thing he has to do to be “ready” is a nice way of saying “I just don’t want to”. People do what they want for who they want. If someone continues to make excuses, it is simple, they just don’t want to for you. 
Obviously you’re not happy with the arrangement and he is so it’s time to end it. It’s too bad that you had to bring a child into an uncertain future. I would advise him how many days he has to make good on your wants and if he doesn’t, leave him and don’t look back. Of course make him support his child. Attorney time.
You have every right to be upset, tell him he can cook his own dinner it’s not a girlfriends job to constantly cook, I would consult a lawyer about the house and then tell him about it because you can’t live your life if he’s holding you back from what you want
I dont like living together its a sin for one thing marriage isnt just a piece of paper in Gods eyes u need ro be married and start going ro church with him and your son God didnt intend in people living together without marriage i have been married since i was 17 a d never regretted it we have been married fir 62 years and never even thought about living together its wrong period
This is why you don’t BUY PROPERTY with a boyfriend!
We dated 6 1/2 yrs before getting married…maybe he’s taking his time because he’s been divorced before and may be skiddish about marriage
You got suckered by a buster
He’s not going to marry you.
Some people dont get married afer their first. Its just a piece of paper after all.
If he loves you enough and your child he would have married you already!
The problem is that you did all the wifey things before gaining the title. Now you have an innocent child involved. People need to think deep before they leap. Smh
Your living as married & some say its a piece of paper. But that piece of paper makes sure you keep the house & all your entitled to if he should die. I would get my ducks in a row & give him a month & mean it. And leave if you can
You giving him everything without the commitment so this is kinda your fault in a sense love no offense
marriage or leave , what are you waiting on