Am I in the wrong for not wanting to babysit my nephew?

I need advice am I wrong? ok I have 4 children of my own 7yrs,6yr,4yr, 3mos I babysit other peoples children sometimes hear and there and I’m currently going thru a separation. Am I wrong because I don’t want to babysit my brothers son for free who’s 2yrs old he’s constantly braking things he has no discipline when I talk to my brother about it he gets upset and says well good thing he’s your blood. he dues not want to pay me to babysit his child. He only wants to pay me once in a blue moon when I keep him over night I feel as he’s completely taking advantage of me. I get he’s my nephew and I don’t mind helping sometimes I use to always help him out but his son mom helped to now all the load has completely fallen on me and it’s not like I’m charging what daycare charges or a outrageously high price I only ask for $15 a day that less then two dollars a hour he drops him off at 6:30am and sometimes gets him at 9pm I feed him change his diapers take him with me when I need to go out. And I’ve asked him plenty of times please when he’s sick can you take off I can’t risk my 3 month old getting sick. He expects way to much and he’s not paying me. He says I’m the aunt what kind of aunt am I that I don’t want to babysit my own family. I honestly don’t feel like I’m being unreasonable please give me advice. I just feel that he’s not valuing me it puts a toll on you I breastfeed on demand his son requires lots of attention and I have my own children and at times other children. But I get payed to watch the other children

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No you are not wrong! I am so sick of these people having kids and EXPECTING family to watch them for free while they live their best life. It is one thing to help someone if you wish but when you are tired no means no. I had to pay 1000s for my daycare and brother-in-law dumps 2 kids under 2 at my mother-in-law so he can do as he pleases. they will be the ones that drop at 6 and pick up at 7. Its just ridiculous if they didn’t have you they would have to pay someone. My mother-law watched a couple of our kids but we always paid her because we know it is a hard job. and should be compensated with something. Even appreciation and thank you go so far. or saying. Hey drop your 4 kids this weekend and do something yourself…but selfish people like this don’t think like that. Set your boundaries and if he doesnt like it…oh well!

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Am I in the wrong for not wanting to babysit my nephew?

I would never expect my brother to pay me but I would expect my brother to allow me to discipline his child to a certain extent if he was acting crazy. As tired as I am I would prefer the child coming to me because some people will get desperate and just start picking random. But I also don’t have a three-month-old anymore lol. So I get sleep. And if you are buying the diapers and wipes I would definitely expect money though for that.

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Just tell him no. He is inconsiderate and taking advantage of you.

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Nope. Not in the wrong. Not the asshole… none of it.

You’re not in the wrong. He’s inconsiderate and using you.

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Tell him you are the overwhelmed aunt and you babysit for a living, not for free.

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Honestly where I come from family doesn’t watch your kids. My own mother charges me too watch my children. No free babysitting around my family so no I don’t think your in the wrong.

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I would NEVER charge family to babysit

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What you wrote was way too long. Babysit or don’t. This isn’t a discussion .

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I don’t feel like you are in the wrong. You already have 4 kids of your own. The youngest being 3 months old & $15 from 6am-9pm is not unreasonable. This is just my opinion. Edit; Just because they’re family doesn’t mean you have to bend over backwards to help someone. You already have kids & going through a separation which I know could be a lot mentally. People think just because you’re related that you have to do for them regardless.

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Absolutely trying to take advantage of you. Babysitting here and there is nice, but you literally have a 3 month old and don’t need that stress. Especially for that many hours in a day and you provide everything.

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Just because they are family does not mean you are obligated to watch them. You have a lot on your plate going through a separation. Your kids are priority during this time.

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Yeah, hell no. You have enough to deal with with your own children. He is taking advantage of you. Just because someone is family, that does not mean they are free labor. Taking care of children is very hard. It is his child, he needs to figure it out. You are not foisting your own children off on other people.

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Nope. Say no and stick to boundaries

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You are not wrong! If your brother can’t understand how draining it can be, then tell him to find someone else. He will just have to put his big boy pants on and deal with it! Take care of your babies and do what YOU feel comfortable with. You do not need added stress especially when you’re breastfeeding. Let it be. Let your brother carry that burden.

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Say No. Your responsibility is to your own children only. If you feel you can’t take on his child too, please don’t take on any guilt either!

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What is wrong with you people you are not obligated to do anything you are not comfortable with.

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You have 4 kids of your own. Let him find a new sitter or at least pay $30 a day.

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Nope…no explanation needed

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Your brother is taking the Mik, there’s helping out looking after family members children but all in all its their baby to look after and pay a sitter if wanting to be child free all the time.
Hes taking advantage and thinking he can continue by using emotional abuse to you. Tell him you’ll help once twice a week ect that’s not too much for you but no more as your not a free creche for him.

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Oh no your brother is absolutely taking advantage of you. Family or not that’s just not acceptable.

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Tell him to pay up the teensy amount you ask or get a new babysitter and pay their prices. He’s taking advantage of you

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He should pay and let you set the rules in your home.

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I feel the same! Its frustrating I feel unappreciated most of the time!!

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You are always entitled to say no, without hesitation or explanation. Set boundaries.

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Nope… do not feel guilty!
You don’t owe him anything

I could never charge to watch my nephew, however I AM NOT EVER WATCHING HIM 6:30 A.M TO 9PM. Put your foot down on expectations. the parents should be providing his food and diapers at minimum.

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No. But he’s 2 so it’s a little silly to say he has no discipline and whatnot. Not all 2 year olds understand things the same. Some are also naturally more into things and rough compared to others. Watching almost any little is tough so I get it. You have no obligation to watch your nephew.

He’s taking advantage of you. I babysit in my home. Over the years(20) I have watched several of my nieces and nephews. The parents always paid me if it was during daycare hours. Because that was my job. How I make my living. I was only allowed a certain number of children related or not. If I have them and watch for free they take a spot for someone that would pay. If I kept any other time I was aunt and I was not paid.

There is a difference in babysitting (which is occasional) and keeping the kid all day everyday day while he works. He shouldn’t expect it for free except when you ask for the child. And the no discipline- that’s a no. I’d tell him when they teach him to listen I’ll watch him.

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Don’t ever feel bad about watching someone’s kids… you have enough in your plate

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No you are not wrong, tell him does he help you because he is the uncle as well…tell him no more, and do not open the door for him. Let him stamd there and knock and look like a total fool. Be firm, he will get the picture the first time you refuse to open the door. Even if your home. No means no in whatever situation arises.

I would never charge a relative

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My brother has never even watched my kid . So its deff not a requirement

honor yourself … good for you for speaking up … stand your ground

He’s trying to emotionally manipulate you so you give him free daycare when he asks what kind of aunt are you. Tell him due to inconsistent payment that payment are to be paid upfront at the door when you are to watch your nephew. Also that if the child comes to the door sick you will refuse to watch the kid as it is a risk to you and your children and as a parent a sick child is HIS responsibility. Also let him know if you have other plans or simply do not feel able to take on another kid on a certain day/weekend that it is up to HIM to find and arrange another sitter. That all childcare arrangements with you must be set prior to drop off. If he won’t comply, don’t watch the child. Also add that anything broken is to be paid for by DAD as he is responsible for his child. Make up a contract outlining all of this and make sure it gets signed by him prior to watching the child any further. If he doesn’t like it he could find and pay for another sitter.

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Yeaaa I know a lot of people whose kids are like that… and I DONT watch them for THAT reason

And I’m allowed to feel that way too

Just like you are :ok_hand:t3::ok_hand:t3:

If the parents aren’t going to do anything about their behavior and discipline you shouldn’t have to pay the price.

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Your brother is beyond taking advantage of you, from 6am til 9pm oh hell no. I would stop babysitting and have him realize how good he had it!

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He needs to pay you.

Help him get the kid into daycare, just tell him you’re overwhelmed and you’re not babysitting anybody’s kids anymore…You can find daycare’s that go by your income. And he is spending way too much time away from his baby from 6 AM to 9 PM that’s just ridiculous, and he is totally taking advantage of you.

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Tell him NO. He is trying to guilt you into babysitting. If it was once in awhile for a few hours that is one thing but like he is doing you no way. Tell him it is $15 a day or he can find someone else. Point blank period!!! Don’t answer the door when he shows up

Dont give in and don’t give any other options. Either he pays you or he finds another sitter. And he will not find anyone also to watch him for that cheap. He should be grateful.

Tell him to find another baby sitter. After he checks out how much it would cost him to pay someone else he will gladly pay you what you ask!

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Oh hell no. This is being taken advantage off. For date night, bring me my nephews for free. Daily from 6am-9pm, brother your paying because it is now a job :woman_shrugging:t3:

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Others peoples kids aren’t your responsibility. You are NOT wrong. He is for trying to take advantage of you. I would never charge a relative for me helping them out but I wouldn’t be their permanent built in sitter either, maybe a back up one. I have children, a job, and other responsibilities as well therefore no time or energy to deal with other people’s responsibilities.

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You’re not in the wrong and he’s trying to make you feel guilty because you are his child’s aunt. Stand firm! Your family comes first.

Sounds like he’s basically expecting you to take on parenting duty. That’s way more than babysitting. He and that baby’s mother need to talk care of their responsibility. You have enough on your plate without taking on a full-time responsibility that you didn’t ask for. Let him be mad if that’s how he wants to be. You aren’t doing anything wrong by establishing your boundaries.

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Put your foot down. He’s gaslighting you, first time I’ve actually got to use this word. He’s guilting you into babysitting and you aren’t asking for much, hell I wish i could take a $15 a day offer :pensive: it’s really sad when family does this and it happens too often

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Wow your brother is something else, theres no way you should be doing it for free, hes taking advantage of you, it sounds like you have enough going on without taking on anything extra, he will have to.pay for daycare like other ppl…stand your ground girl

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Tell him to pay you or give you guardianship and you keep the kid since you have him all of the time anyways. At least then you can qualify for benefits for him.

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Listen you’re going through a lot, you don’t need added stress. Just distance yourself for a bit and take care of your mental health. It’s ALWAYS ok to say no.

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No you have every right to put your foot down and say enough. Just because your family doesn’t mean you are expected to be a free sitter.

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Your brother is taking advantage of you. He needs to pay you.

Just because you are related doesn’t mean you have to babysit, you have kids of your own, you do not have to watch his as well, put your foot down!

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He’s the dad and is responsible for his child and his child’s care… sign your kids up for sports or activities and say there’s not enough room in the car to drag your nephew with and he needs to find other care for him. Your kids shouldn’t get punished by not getting to go do things because of their cousin…

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Your brother is just manipulating you. 15 bucks a day ain’t sh!t. Tell him to put his son in daycare. See how he likes giving his whole check to a daycare facility instead 🤷

It’s time to pray about it. And cut him off if necessary. He is definitely taking advantage of you and using you.

There are a lot of people who think that you shouldn’t charge family to babysit. I can’t imagine my brother bringing me his kids under those circumstances without offering me money. And food to feed them with. I also can’t see him doing it every day for that many hours knowing I was trying to take care of a young baby-breast feeding. And I can’t imagine him bringing them to me sick, knowing my kids could catch their bug. A two year old can be destructive. I realize that. But I know I would have permission to put the child in a pac-n-play for a few minutes as a time out if they were out of control… or whatever I thought was best. Your brother is not using his head, or he just doesn’t care. And that’s not right.

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You’re only blood when HE needs help.
But when you ask for help with HIS OWN CHILD, blood doesn’t count anymore?
I think you already know what you want, and that is validation to put your foot down.
Momma, you are perfectly good feeling this way. Your brother is being an ass. I’ve had experience with this. Sometimes you HAVE to be the bad guy, or you’ll get treated like a mat all the time. You have a family of your own now, you have to worry about YOU for THEM.Not for your brother. Tell him you can’t babysit as much in the coming week, and everytime he wants to drop him off say you can’t. Give a half ass reason. Or no reason at all. You can literally say you are too tired for other kids and hang up. He can’t sue you and if he insists,tell him you won’t and do not budge! If you budge, you’ll repeat the cycle and be here again. Be tough,be strong, don’t give them permission to use you as a mat.

No if he wants you to watch his kid he needs to pay you. He is definitely trying to take advantage of you.

He’s manipulating you

Your brother is extremely inconsiderate. How many times does he watch your children? I bet the times don’t compare. My family is all about helping each other out and not charging but there is an extent to that. If it is going to be consistent care the very least he can do is provide money to buy food and things for his child while there. It wouldn’t necessarily be paying you but providing for his son. You shouldn’t have to tell him that though it should be a given. As a single mom I struggled with finding childcare. I worked two jobs and it was tough. I had to ask my brother to keep my son on Sundays for like 4-5 weeks in a row. My son is well behaved and was 3-4. His kids are way older but he still mentioned to my mom that he doesn’t mind watching my son occasionally but the every weekend was too much. He just didn’t know how to say anything. Of course my feelings were a little hurt but that’s just because I’m emotional lol. I understood where he was coming from and did what I had to do to get another sitter. My brother still watches him occasionally. My point is that your feelings are natural and you need to stick your ground. Honestly, with that many young kids and going through a separation you will mentally destroy yourself. If your brother has an issue with paying you practically nothing let him know you are just asking for some help as well like you are providing for him. I’m sure if he has to pay actual day care he may realize how much he has taken advantage of the “your his aunt” card and reconsider his opinions. Wish ya luck!

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He’d be paying 30 to 40 a day to someone else I would tell him to screw off watching baby’s is hard work, full time job especially having your own and taking on other kids it’s tiring

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No offense he’s not your problem. Your responsible for your kids and their safety. His son has a mother. Let them two work it out since he doesn’t want to pay. Or they can find a day care and pay for that. Stop allowing your ungrateful brother to take advantage of u. You already have yur hands full. Him and the child’s mother made the child, let them start being responsible!!!

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He is taking advantage of you. Put your foot down! Family or no family! Sometimes family can be the worst! No body should ever be allowed to take advantage of you!!! I wish you the very best and pray that you have the courage to say what you have to say, I know it’s hard when it comes to family, sending you love and prayers! You have already enough to take care of darling, be strong, and stand up for yourself! You will feel much better​:heart::pray::heart:

He’s your nephew not your son, you have 4 kids you don’t owe free childcare to anyone. If he doesn’t pay he can find somewhere else for him to go.

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You are ABSOLUTELY NOT in the wrong here! That is insane and I wouldn’t do it either!!

Put ur foot down if he wants him minded let him pay he would have to pay elsewhere to have him minded

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No, your brother is taking advantage of you and just because you left the aunt it doesn’t mean you have to babysit for free everyday. I babysat a lot of kids in my life and let me tell you I regret it because you take away from your own kids, you get more stressed out and have to worry about someone else’s. I don’t think it’s even worth it to babysit these days because not everyone wants to pay you. As for your brother if he went on a date once in a while, had a appointment or needed a back up sitter once in awhile I could see helping out and watching your nephew for free but everyday is ridiculous and nobody should expect free childcare like that

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Would he work for free? If this is your source of income, not during your working hours. Also, keep in mind that helping out family is usually reciprocated. My sisters and I would watch each other’s kids if we had doctors appointments or other obligations where it was easier without children. And occasionally, just because one of us needed a break. But, none of us abused the free babysitting and were happy to return the favor.

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You aren’t wrong.
But your foot down and tell him, pay me and these are rhe rules or find someone else. :woman_shrugging:
Let him be mad.

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You listed every reason to say no. Give him ONE week to make other arrangements. Piss poor planning on his part doesn’t constitute an emergency or obligation on your end. You have your own family and handle things on your own. He is invading your space and place and forcing you do handle more than needed. He is grown and making babies, he can figure out how to accommodate them.
Do y’all live in the same home? I’m assuming not. But unless he is willing to fork over almost $100 a week then its not your problem.
One week and you can refuse to take the kid.

I’d be charging $30 a day or not watching him at all . Even $30 a day isn’t enough when you watch him over 8 or 9 hours .

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He’s absolutely taking advantage of you and your not wrong. 4 children are a lot to handle in the first place not even considering watching anyone else’s. Tell him no, you are no obligated to watch his child. Relative or not.

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Leave your kids with him… he’s their uncle right? It goes both ways… see how he likes to be the one taken advantage of :woman_shrugging:t3:

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You’re not in the wrong!

Sorry but I would not be watching him no longer. Family or not. He needs to take responsibility for his son and not expect anything for free smh.

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Don’t feel guilty for not doing something when you’re going through you’re own stuff

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Since it’s about what kind of aunt you are, ask him if he wants to take all four of his nieces and nephews every weekend in exchange. Two days with four children seems fair when you have his one all week. Because what kind of uncle would he be if he said no.

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Your brother is out of his mind. He’s completely taking advantage of you and guilting you BIG TIME!!! I would never ask this of my sister.

Stop the free daycare ur in the right

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Tell him to call a daycare and get him enrolled.

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He is taking advantage of you. Your blood or not, it’s not your child or your responsibility. You aren’t asking an unreasonable fee either. Don’t let him guilt trip you or bully you.

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I completely understand where you are coming from. He is taking advantage of you :100:.

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If he is really working all these hours then there should be money to pay you. Where is the mom?? If they are both working, then they need to step up. No one else is going to do that for them. Figure out what you need to get paid, and charge that. You can cut them a break, but free isn’t right. Especially for all those hours with food and diapers. Taking advantage beyond!!!

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Tell him things have changed and he needs to pay you.

“No” is a complete sentence.

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Your brother is taking advantage of u big time! Put your foot down

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My brother use to sue the line oh well I babysat your son so you can sit my daughter. The thing was when my son went to bed at 7.30 he was asleep till 7.30-8 the next morning and I’d be there at 10 to pick him up. His daughter cried at the drop of a hat and she always said my son hit her when they were together she was extremely sneaky and had to be watched. I didn’t mind here or there as she’s my niece but then I got to every weekend and I was like nope as my dad was having my son so I could go out occasionally but my brother lost it all the time in the end my dad would have her with my son as she always went home and said grandad shouted at her but that’s because she was sneaky and my brother wouldn’t see it at all. Luckily we now don’t talk far to much drama. I think you have every right to ask for money as 6.30-9pm is a long day with 5 children he wouldn’t get a daycare for as little as you are asking. Don’t let him manipulate you into feeling guilty as he’s the dad of that child he needs to make proper arrangements and if the child is sick then no one will look after him so dad would have to anyway. Stay strong on this as you have enough mouths to feed and adding another is a lot.

Give him two weeks notice, lock your door and stop responding. He is taking advantage of you and that’s not fair to you.

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he is really taking advantage of you. You need to put your foot down.

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He is totally taking advantage of you. You need to be paid and that sounds pretty cheap .

Stand your ground. Boundaries is separate from loving your family. If he doesn’t understand he’s using you

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That is how you make money. I don’t believe anyone should have to provide services of any kind for free just because someone is family. There is a time for work and a time for family. If he wants your daycare services (because that is what you are providing given the hours), then he should pay for them… Now, having your nephew stay the night ON OCCASION should be family time and not charged, in my opinion. I don’t know if he financially qualifies, or if it provided in your state, but Illinois has CCRS which pays the provider (even if it a private provider) through the state and parents pay a co-pays based on their income. If money is the issue, maybe you could check into that for him. But you are not obligated… He’s definitely taking advantage. Maybe he should check into daycare prices and then he could realize the amount that you’re asking is nothing compared to the hours that you are caring for his child…

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I would not do it. Dont be a doormat

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Family members are not free babysitters .

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No effing WAY! He is taking advantage of you! If he makes too much to qualify for daycare assistance, he definitely should be able to pay you!

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If your nephew breaks things constantly and requires a crazy amount of attention (that you cant give due to breastfeeding) I wouldn’t babysit him even if my sibling paid.

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