My husband and I are going on 13 years of marriage and we have two kids, I’m going to call them Dory and Nemo for the sake of explanations. Dory is the oldest, and not my husband’s child biologically. Nemo is the youngest and is my husband’s biological child. So my husband’s mom is the biological grandmother to Nemo only and a step grandparent to Dory. Most of the time my mother-in-law is pretty fair about not playing favorites. But she does do things here and there that cross that line. For example, Dory has never received a birthday present from her EVER while Nemo gets one yearly. And Dory gets a few clothes for Christmas while Nemo gets a ton of toys and fun stuff (it all comes via USPS so I never say anything about it and just try to mediate). So we have to do Christmas with my husband’s family this year for the first time and I asked my husband to have a conversation with his mom about making sure everything is fair for both kids since we will be in another state. We did our own Christmas early so we wouldn’t have to haul everything with us. I’m just trying to protect my oldest and ensure that there will actually be stuff for Dory too from my husband’s family underneath the Christmas tree on Christmas morning. I just feel that it would be devastating for Dory to get up and run towards the tree Christmas morning like all kids do, and find that there are only things there for Nemo which would absolutely break mine and Dory’s heart. So anyways, all I asked was for my husband to have that conversation with his mom to make sure that everything will be fair for both kids and he got mad at me and defensive of his mom. He thinks I made it up that she sometimes plays favorites and he gave her excuses because he thinks she shouldn’t have to always be fair to both kids because only one kid is her actual grandchild, and I think that’s complete and total B.S. We come as a packaged deal, I’ve made that very clear from the beginning, so if his mom does that to Dory this year I told my husband that this will be the ONLY Christmas we ever spend at his mom’s house because I refuse to subject Dory to that kind of heartbreak. I just feel like my husband should care too and take this seriously. I also feel that his mom is wrong for playing favorites when my husband has accepted my oldest as his own, my oldest calls him “Dad”, and we have even discussed the possibility of him adopting my oldest some day to make it more official. So his mom should treat my oldest as her grandchild too and she doesn’t. She told me once a long time ago when this first came up that she will do her best to treat both kids fairly but then she told me in the same sentence that I shouldn’t be trying to take away her right to spoil her one and only grandchild 
(she said this in front of my husband and he still acts like I’m being petty and paranoid!) Am I being ridiculous? Am I in the wrong here? Thanks in advance for any advice!
Your not wrong She should treat them like their her grandchildren .
I just have to say I’m totally sorry this is happening… I have no words for this behavior besides ugly. Of my 5 kids, 4 are biologically mine, our 5th is neither of ours biologically but my SO’s nephew. Hes ours. No other way around it. My parents have several “step” grandchildren from my brothers, and I’m a step child… my parents are absolutely awesome. Always the same amount of gifts, and even a “step” grandchild that isn’t even technically that anymore (my brother split from my nieces mom) gets gifts, though she doesn’t come to Christmas. This petty crap you’re telling us is happening is garbage. How can people punish the kids in that way. You are absolutely NOT overreacting mama.
No, I think you’re right, my parents gave my husband’s kids gifts when they were visiting. It’s fair it’s not the kids fault, they don’t understand why. Yes, stand your ground.
How old are the kids? I’m surprised this is just coming up after 13 years.
You are not. I would talk to her myself. Don’t leave it to him. He’s on his Mom’s side. He has not accepted her if he has not adopted her by now. I’m sorry if that too harsh. I am a step mom and I feel my step kids are mine. They are adults now . But I am still protective of them. You are right to stand up for her. If she refuses to cooperate tell her they Both get nothing.explain to both children the situation. I’m sure your son would agree that it’s wrong of her to do this. God bless and Merry Christmas.
You are not “wrong” but I completely get grandma. It’s just different rather we like it or not. She does for both so I’d be happy about that. 
You are absolutely not wrong 
You’re not paranoid. But if that is how it is honestly I would send the gifts she sends Nemo back to her every year on his birthday til she starts sending one for Dory. Or start doing something that every Christmas you buy only YOUR mom a present and make sure she knows about it but don’t get her one and explain to her when she feels hurt that that is what she is doing to the kids. Because your mom is your bio mom, and she isn’t. She won’t like it. And if she continues I’d cut her off. Same with your husband. I honestly would tell him that if he is not willing to make sure that BOTH kids were treated fairly I honestly would not let him adopt my kid, because if he wants the title of DAD he has to earn it, and he wouldn’t want his mom treating two bio grandkids different and should not be treating your child any differently either. Give him the example I stated above that what if you decide to buy gifts for Christmas only for your own mother and NOTHING for his and his mom gets hurt by that? That should be fair in his eyes too then right? Because she ISN’T YOUR bio mom, she is HIS.
I’d avoid the MIL everyday all day; if your hubby continues to be a limp dick.
I’m lucky to have the step father I did. He always made it very well known that he had 3 children my brother and I being not biological but he was our dad till the day he died and always defended us. So yes you are right and your husband should care
You’re not wrong at all
You are not in the wrong. He should tell her there are no steps and half brothers or sisters. It’s so wrong to teach your children this and that is what he is letting her do.
If he can’t put this girl before his mom then no need for him to adopt her. She won’t switch over to testing them fairly just bc there’s been an adoption either. She’s shown you from the beginning how she intends to treat her grandchild bio or not so believe her. And you husband has shown he’s willing to allow favoritism based on DNA.
No you are not wrong, your husband and mil are.
You’ve put up with this for too long, cut her toxic a$$ out of your life 
Should have started as you mean to go on… what a wicked woman and the husband is dead wrong…
I’m actually in the same type of predicament. Oldest isn’t my fiances but our other 2 are his. He has raised our oldest though and he is her dad. I seen a message on his phone from his mother telling him about when Christmas was and how she “would love to see him and the boys” like me and our daughter doesn’t exist.
So I’m following for advice.
if she wants to be “fair” she will either spoil them both or just give them each a couple presents. It’s not that hard for Pete’s sake. I’d make it perfectly crystal clear for her — myself. Don’t put your husband in the middle. Stand up for your children, at any cost.
Heck, my brother and his wife had 3 bio kids and a stream of foster children for years. We could never have left out those foster children at Christmas, Easter or birthdays. Anything less is cruel! If this granny wants to give something extra to her bio grandie then she should just quietly deposit money in a bank account for them. But still even that smells bad. You and your husband are building a family. She is so wrong!
Don’t go they get treated the same or she can come visit you she has already crossed that line and momma’s boy can go alone tell your husband you will see him when he gets back
Nope… Im a mimi to 6 by blood and I don’t know how many extra from bonus kids not even my blood kid… that child is her grandchild PERIOD. BLOOD OR NOT. Yes I love my my kids and my grands but guess what, my heart is big enough for ALL of my kids and all of my bonuses… if you see me out with kids or grands you won’t know if they are blood or not.
Kids are kids regardless. That is disrespectful and HE NEEDS TO STAND UP FOR HIS STEPCHILD…
Oh I’d say something. 100%
My MIL pulled this crap one time… I asked my husband to address her before I did. Whew I was steaming…
He told her “That’s my son. You have 2 grandchildren. If YOU can’t act like it, you won’t have any. Pull that again and forget about them bc you won’t be allowed around my family. I have a SON & daughter. Period”
That ended it. She behaved.
If he won’t, you do it. Let him be mad.
If she can’t do right, now children go. They’re your children and your have to stand up for them. Period. If he won’t stop up, no way should he adopt her. What for?
Not wrong at all! She buys evenly and same for both or not at all. After 13 years she should be accepting your child as her grandchild . I just don’t understand people like her. If your husband has truly accepted your daughter as his and loves her like she is his, then this should upset him too…
Protect your baby. Skip holidays with his family. Oh well.
I get both sides. When my bf and I started dating and going to family functions on his side I explained to my boys that they may or may not get anything and they understood that and were ok with it. Now we have 2 girls the oldest being 11 and youngest 4 which she really doesn’t see anything yet but my oldest does and their grandma really doesn’t do much for them but for some of her other grandkids when they are all her biological grandkids. Like this year she gave birth girls $10 each, my boys nothing and yet she gave a few presents to one, $20 to 2 of the others and then bought a bunch of toys for one of her youngest grandkids and gave $200 to another one. Plus she gave $20 for her oldest grandson who is married and has children. She barely acknowledges any of them but when I’ve said something it was turned around on me that I was jealous and what not. It’s sad when you have a daughter who cried and says she doesn’t care about her or that her one aunt does more for her then her grandma. Sometimes it’s hard but it’s best to ignore cuz now after I had said something earlier in the year she really has nothing to do with my girls unless my 4 year old calls and face times her.
If he actually accepted her as his own, he wouldn’t have EVER said it’s okay for it to be unfair sometimes because the son is the “actual” grandchild. Period.
I’d call her out. That’s bullshit. If she can’t handle it then no one is going there again.
No ma’am you were not in the wrong. He accepted a package deal and then suddenly reneged as soon as you had a kid together??? So apparently he gets the same attitude from his mother or she wouldn’t have said what she said. Since both of them feel the same way but it’s okay for your daughter to call him dad and he ought to be ashamed of himself that he’s allowed himself to feel this way and lie to you about the package deal when you came and dated him and he accepted both of you or so you thought, I have been with my husband for 20 years and I was a package deal with three children. We never had one together and never once has he made my children feel like they were stepchildren to this minute and my oldest daughter is the closest to him and calls him dad and my other two children are just as close and respect him as their main father even though they still speak to their bio dad a little bit. His mother was going to be the same way and I nipped that in the bud right away and it did not bother me that I stayed away from her for those 20 years until she passed because I was not going to subject my children to people who think like that because my husband did not act like her so we did not heve issues inside our home. He respected and kept that part away from us. He talked and visited with her all the time on his own. It did not stay a sore point in our relationship because he respected that he meant what he said when we got together and moved forward as a family. It’s your choice now how to move forward with this and still come out in a good marriage or not to get marriage for the long run when he feels nothing is wrong about what he and his mother say out loud and proud. Smfh.
My in laws dont treat my daughter the same as my husbands kids either. Hes not her dad technically but her dad isnt even in her life hes the only dad she knows.
Although I agree with what was said above. If I was in your shoes as mom I would make sure and have some gifts ready and put them under the tree so “Dory” didn’t notice she wasn’t being treated fairly.
Nope. If you can’t treat all kids the same you shouldn’t be around any of the kids. It does create fights and tension that’s not needed between the kids.
No but he is. Personally I’d have addressed this years ago, but very least would be talking to her now with him and making it clear this is a deal breaker
You are not wrong. All kids biological or not should all be able to feel comfortable and loved and appreciated. Playing favorites destroys their confidence and causes issues later in life for them. They are children. Stand your ground. Tell her yourself how you feel and don’t give in.
Stand up for your child. It will be remembered and if they aren’t treated the same don’t let the younger keep the stuff from grandma send it back to her and let her know why.
It’s equal or nothing!
It sounds like your S/O doesn’t really consider her as “his own” or he would have came the same conclusion. No child deserves to feel unworthy or less worthy than someone else based on blood relation
As a Nana myself. I have non biological grandbabies. But I love my son, who loves her and both love these babies. So that’s all I need. They are mine too. All the way.
I would not move forward with adoption. If it’s unfair now, and your husband sees no issue in it then he has no business being her adoptive parent. You’re not over reacting.
Tstsl not nice ive got aunts and uncles us grandparents tat do tat 2 my children but not no more either of get so i thinks tats fair
It’s unfair on the grandma, I mean why does she have to be forced to do things just because you demand them
Biologically she only has one grandchild,you wanna deprive your younger child to please the older one
Why don’t you get creative instead,buy Dory gifts and put them under a tree with the rest of the gifts bought by others
Why is your responsibility now falling on step grandma’s shoulders?
You can’t force people to GIFT others,it’s something that should be coming from the heart
Husband feels the same way as his mother….the apple and the tree….been there some that over it and left
It’s not fair. But you can’t make his family treat your oldest like they are blood related. I don’t think it should matter if their son recognizes this child as his own and treats them the same, his parents should respect that. But she said it herself, in her mind she has “one and only grandchild” .
You cannot force her to feel differently and if you make it an issue with his family it will further divide the kids relationship with the grandparents.
My advice is to spend the actual holiday day at your house and celebrate with your small immediate family. Then observe with other extended family functions knowing it isn’t in your control. So explain to your oldest only if she notices or asks so she knows the truth. It doesn’t mean she isn’t loved by them. Favoritism is a hard pill. But it’s best to explain it since you cannot prevent it from existing.
Sorry , but your husband doesn’t love her like his own or you would not have to ask him to talk to his mom. Because he wouldn’t have allowed it to begin with
My mil started off fair. Now she isnt. She only buys for their biological grandkid so i dont accept anything. I actually need to drop a gift off on their step when i have time in a couple of days because they once again only gave anything to our son.
If he has accepted her fully, you would not need to have this conversation. If he won’t do it, you do it. Make it very clear to your MIL to be fair and equal or you and the kids aren’t going. It’s that simple
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I’m no help because I’m stuck in the same boat. My SO and I have 4 kids between us, he has twins from his previous marriage, I have a daughter and we have one together. His mother only treats our (his) twins like her grandchildren, regularly leaves out my daughter and it’s a hit and miss with our youngest son. Drives me insane. I promised myself that the next time I catch her doing it I WILL call her out right then and there since my husband seems to be just fine with it. To be fair I had to remind my own mother of this a few times when she “couldn’t make it” to our twins birthday or our sons birthday but makes it for my daughters just fine. My dad and step mom are amazing at treating them all equal. They try so hard and it’s so appreciated, especially since they’re states away.
Address the issue yourself. Could money be an issue? Package deal! Good luck! This is so stressful and no one needs that.
I would just assume that she’s not going to get dory anything and only buy cool stuff for Nemo. Or only get dory one thing. I would bring some back up presents with you signed “from family” for dory check the tree after all the gifts are under it and add gifts for dory as needed. You can’t change your mil behavior. but you can change dorys morning
You are not wrong at all….
This thinking will never be changed… & if you raise your voice agaist it then mostly your emotions will be hurt…everytime…
so it will be better if you care more for “Dory” in every way so that she will be emotionally secured for the lifetime!!
I wouldn’t dare let my family treat my bonus kids differently. They love them just like they are their own. Here’s a better twist. Our oldest doesn’t belong to my fiancé but she is ours and we co parent with her mother just like we do with the two that are his bio children. Kids do not understand the difference unless they are older and either way who in their right mind would treat a child like that. So sorry you are dealing with this.
As a “step” grandchild with an “actual” grandchild sibling, your husband AND mil should be ashamed of themselves. I have NEVER been treated as less than blood and family by any of my stepdad’s family. That is my dad, aunt, uncle, and grandparents. No such thing as step for us.
I feel very sorry for your daughter and you are 100% correct in making sure this is the only Christmas you spend with them.
You’re focusing on the wrong adult. SHE didn’t marry you and chose to embrace a child that wasn’t hers…HE did…and clearly he’s not living up to the standard or he’d be on your side. Your problem should be with him. I’d stay home and enjoy Christmas in my own home where none of this is an issue I’m not allowing my child to be made to feel less than in order to celebrate with family members I really don’t care about anyway
Umm she can spoil them both. She’s being a bitch! Your husband should back you if he’s serious about being her father. What would he do if she was his biological child? THAT is what he should do. He wants to be a surrogate dad well standing up to your family is part of the package sometimes. She can spoil them both, absolutely nothing is stopping her.
My brothers wife has a child from a previous relationship and I myself do as well. Both my parents are accepting and loving and FAIR to my niece and I must’ve hit the jackpot bc my in-laws are the same exact way to my oldest as well. I’m so sorry you have to encounter this because it is foreign to me.
I have 3 kids of my own, 1 with my fiance the other 2 are not his. I also have 2 stepsons. My fiance mom makes sure they get something every year on their birthday and the same amount of stuff on Christmas. Yes she does have a favorite grandchild but she doesn’t show it she treats them all the same no matter what. I wouldn’t expect her to, she does it on her own.
I would seriously stand my ground tell you husband we are a family as a hole and Dory and Nemo are to be both treated like your children if you can’t treat them with the same love and patience and sympathy maybe we should stay home and do our own Christmas but we will not be going to your moms 
second if you can’t admit that this is absolutely insane to treat dory this way then maybe we shouldn’t be together because you have lied to me about your feelings about my children when I told you we were a package deal and that didn’t mean treat him/ her different once we were together you stand up for that child and protect that child the same as your own !! Or I’m done !! Pretty straight forward I have two bio children one from a previous marriage we went threw this snd I did exactly this grandma and me butted heads supper hard because I called her straight out and my husband supported me 100 percent after I confronted him first 
your child need you to protect and care for them first before some took and his bs family
I have been blessed to have in-laws who 1000% accepted my daughter when I met my husband…my mil( God rest her soul) melted when she first met my daughter and was ok if she was the only grandchild she ever got…we later had our son and nothing changed except she went from saying my grandchild to my grandchildren 
My husband and I even separated for awhile and when he had our son my daughter was mandatory to be there as well….
- Check your husband because it seems like he’s not fully accepted your eldest as his if he’s saying his mom’s actions are justified.
- Don’t spend holidays with the unfair step grandma.
- Reject deliveries.
Please share the outcome
I was/ is in a similar situation but my kids are bio grandkids but they’re her sons kids she says they’re a difference between your sons kids and your daughter kids. I’ve learned to say it is what it is my children are adults now. Has anyone ever dealt with this?
No my grandmother actually did this to my brother and I both biological to her. She used to buy me everything and my brother nothing. One year at Christmas it happened again, my brother got socks and I got toys, clothes… you name it… so my mom took a pair of tights, and his socks and left everything there. She told my dad if his mother can’t do for both don’t do for either. So she stopped buying for both. Fact of the matter is your husband should be defending his kid, if he has accepted that child as his he should be upset and worried about it to. And if the grandparent is truly a good one she should understand. Good luck to you and your kiddos! 
In our little family it was made perfectly clear that I had 2 children at the time and we’re a package deal. Point blank. I also made it clear if we had kids (we had a miscarriage Thanksgiving 2017) that all kids would be treated equally and if that couldn’t be done then hit the road. He’s accepted and he’s treated them as his. We’ve been together years and it’s still the same. If a man has accepted a child and is even talking about adopting said child, then there’s no reason he can’t stand up for said child… even against family members
Of they are not being fair now it will never get better. Buy your child presents and take them over to your mother in law’s
Hard line. Hard damn line. You’re right in protecting your children. And dad should be on board.
This is so sad for you. Hopefully your trip was good. I also had a similar experience I just brought gifts with me for my daughter, every Christmas eve because my husband’s mother just couldn’t be fair. As my daughter is older with her own daughter now she is so thankful to have a mother who cares as much as you.
To be honest, I have cut people out of my life for less. Kids within a family are kids within a family. Who. Gives a shit about whose blood flows where. Your husband promised to love Dory when he married you. When I married my husband i married his kids AND the ex wife AND her fiance AND her mother etc . I dont even call my non bio kids step. My kids are my kids. Are my kids. Just like toxicity is toxicity is toxicity
Your not wrong but not going to his family’s for they holiday will only cause more issues.
I get both points sorry but it sounds like she IS doing her best she doesn’t leave dory out does she? And if nemo is her only grandchild by blood then ofcourse she’s going to feel slightly different despite the fact that her son and her has welcomed ur child into their lives its still not the same is it, you can love both children ofcourse she’s going to feel slightly different to her blood, so where is Dorys dad and blood grandparents?? Honestly grow up hen
Hi…I haven’t read all comments so my opinion may have already been said…
Firstly they are siblings, they both have the same mother so the grandmother is very wrong treating the kids differently. That is straight out nasty.
Secondly your husband needs to grow some and defend you, the mother of his children…at the end of it all they are siblings and should be treated fairly…
Thirdly it’s a good idea if you talk to the grandmother and explain this to her, stand your ground and make sure they all know your boundaries… better coming from you then there is no misinterpretation.
Also explain to your children if they are old enough… they’re not stupid and could even possibly put grandma in her place if it’s that obvious…
No time for bullshit darlin good luck xxx
He cannot force his Mom to treat them the same. He can treat them equally himself, and that’s about all he controls. You can choose to not go to his family at holidays, but it will cause problems between you if you attempt to force him to stay away. Just don’t take your kids to her house, send all presents back.
Honestly I would leave a marriage if someone treated my kids as an outcast and the “father” was okay with it and defends it. If that’s not her real grandkid then he’s saying that’s not his kid. Step kids aren’t second class citizens.
It would be one thing if y’all were a year or two in, but COME ON 13 YEARS!!!??
This shit irks me 
.
If it’s a financial issue there’s nothing wrong with a beautiful hand written card to all children- I know my kids love cards especially miss 3 who gets me to open it for her and read it to her.
It doesn’t have to have a huge price tag to show them you love them!
I’d personally rather presence over presents and a MIL that genuinely gave my children the time of day. I’d be staying home and enjoying Christmas without that toxic bs. You pave the way for your children. Set healthy boundaries. If your wishes aren’t respected then 
.
What your asking for is not outrageous and is fair. Protect your children at all costs.
How people can be like this and think no wrong of it is beyond me. It’s a really warped way of thinking. At the end of the day their loss
You are right…, she is wrong., your husband is wrong and if he doesn’t stand up to his mother than he doesn’t see Dory as his either., protect your cubs Mama Bear…
I feel like your husband is a big problem in this and the biggest complication of it all is that its been allowed to go on for so long.
Buy things for dory so if that happens you have back up already there so he doesn’t miss out
And I’d cut her toxic ass out of your children’s lives
I personally wouldn’t ever go to his mothers house again. If he chose to go then that’s fine Dory and Nemo will stay with me at home and be treated the same. I’d also have a very serious talk because he accepted you all as a package but after you all had a kid together that part seemed to be forgotten. I’d nicely remind him that I told you in the beginning and I’m telling you now and if it continues then you’ll move on with someone who will except both your kids with arms wide open. You baby needs you to be the voice, if he/she grows up with this in their lives forever they’ll resent you for marrying a man that wanted you but not them and that’s something you don’t want to live with. I pray the outcome is on the positive side but if not then you’re 100% not in the wrong for walking away because it will only get worse.
Been through this before and you are not in the wrong!!! It hurts the kids and they notice for sure 
The problem here starts with your husband. He is the one who should be addressing this without you even having to ask him. Years ago! It’s not like you are in new relationship. She has had 13yrs (way too long) to get on board with your family dynamics. Treating kids different is setting their relationship as siblings up for failure. Building resentment and jealousy between them hurts them both. And if she loves ‘Nemo’ like she claims to she wouldn’t do that. It’s cruel and has been going on way too long.
I can tell a lot of these people don’t have, and never were a step child… If your HUSBAND’S mom doesn’t treat your daughter the same, she’s wrong!! U aren’t petty and good for you for sticking up for your child 
Hold up. This crap stops now, imo. Kids FIRST regardless of blood.
A very similar experience happened with my oldest daughter and her non biological grandmother (my then MIL) who was visiting us from France. Long of the short is, I kicked her out of our home and sent her to a hotel! No one treats one of my kids like that ever!
The crap that your MIL is doing, and your husband is supporting is so incredibly traumatic for your daughter! Stop it now.
Did the oldest get gifts?
If they don’t have unconditional love for your child, that would be lights off on the relationship for me. The child doesn’t deserve to feel less than, and we know well that kids pay attention to things like this. And it’ll only get worse from there.
Happened to us as well.
Is there an update? I’m now invested
You should have addressed this issue 13 years ago instead of letting it continue on for this long.
I wouldn’t even go if she acts this way… it isn’t fair
I promise you ( from experience ) you will have a second divorce if you keep this up …!! Men love their Moms… and to a point they will stand by you … but really you should have known that this family would never treat your child
As well as they treat his child …!!! Don’t rock the boat … find the other child’s father and grandparents and let Him start spending time with them … then he will have everything your other child has …!!!
My oldest remembers how her ex stepdads mom treated her compared to the other kids( there were many fights and arguments in regards to this) and she’s 21 now and dispises her for that.
Nip this in the butt now with your husband speaking up to his mom or don’t go to the holiday. Because Dory will remember
My soon be husband (12/31/21) and I have kids not together and his mom treated my 2 kids just like her own it was all fair and even soon be brother in-law and my husbands grandma did it fair to and my mom got my bonus kids presents too it was kinda last minute cause she didn’t know we was gonna have them but she and my grandma both made a effort to get them gifts so it’s really not that hard to be fair
Ya she’s had 13 years to act like a decent person…but honestly your husband should be saying something without you having to bring it up. I’d never treat kids differently…my ex’s daughter still calls me dad I treated her just like my son because she is my daughter regardless of blood.
As a Mom, I feel what you’re saying. My Mom is the same though with her non-bio grandkids. Her reasoning is the Dad of my nieces, & their paternal grandparents buy them presents but none for the siblings who aren’t their grandkids. She always got everyone stuff, but tended to give more to the biological grandkids. I see her side too…but kids aren’t going to understand. But I also would never tell anyone what or how much they should be giving. The way my Mom sees it as it evens out in the end because my (non bio) nieces get stuff from three sides, & their siblings get it from two.
You are absolutely not wrong! If he is defending his mother’s way of thinking, it would worry me that part of him feels the same way about ‘his one and only child’ and doesn’t full consider Dory his child too. Not ok grandma! 
If Nemo was old enough to notice what’s happening, she’d probably feel uncomfortable about it too
Yeah this is not good because I have seen this with some friends where one kid goes to grandma’s and one kid does not go to grandmas but has to stay home, and It’s been this way for years. Today they are teens and the one that was left out all those years has serious mental health issues. I wish you the best and if this was me I think you adults need to communicate better especially on christmas maybe ask how many gifts she got for her grandchild and how many for your daughter and you two make up the difference so it’s more fair? I would want my kids to know their grandma and she should have a right to spoil her grand baby but not while making your other daughter feel left out… if you’re going to stay you’re always gonna have to pick up the slack for what she doesn’t do for both of them you’re gonna have to do for your daughter you’re gonna have to lay it out one more time
Plain & simple in no way is this Dorys fault, as the adults in her life she should be treated equally and fairly. The grandma should step up. What are you really losing if you’re protecting your child. Seeing both views is pointless. The child can’t do that. So accept her fully.
I like you would’ve been concerned also. You know your child, if this will break your child’s heart do not put him in that position. There’s alot about the world that is out of our hands. This is not. I would be spending the holidays where both my children are treated with respect. Good luck x
Im appalled you’ve allowed your daughter to be treated this way for 13 years. Just to keep a man. You both suck.
Divorce him. Sorry not sorry he clearly don’t see the child as his own
Family is bigger and thicker than blood . This man and his mother should be ashamed of themselves . If he can’t stand up to his mother then he is a weakling and not worth your love or dory’s love. I have a foster grandie and love her as much as if she was biologically mine and my family treat her like all the rest of the children in the family . If your mother in law she spoils one she spoils both . No questions about it . I would give your hubby an ultimatum him and his mother treat both children the same or you and the children will walk out of their life